Tryptophan Beats Nicotine!

Somebody better tell Mr. DeMartino to stop smoking because it's Cigarettes are Hazardous to Your Health Day, and that's true even if you're hanging upside-down. It's especially true for people in high-stress jobs with a history of heart problems!

Instead, he should have a nice soothing glass of milk in honor of National Milk Day, but none for poor Jakey. Think of the cholesterol!

Fanfic Update!

• All the Snark of Yesteryear, by welltemperedclavier (part 3): "Daria had spent the entire day mentally rehearsing what she’d say to Mr. DeMartino. The whole thing felt weirder the more she thought about it."


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Legend of Sporting Joe, by Meester_Lee (part 9): "Daria put down the receiver and sighed, trying to sort out her mixed emotions after talking with Farrah."


• The Engineer and the Time Lady, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 18): "'Say that again?' Emmerson asked. 'Hernandez was caught by the British agent?'"


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 53): "It was a dazzling and lovely day outside, the town of Grindelwald looked like a dream between all of those sharp and snowy mountains, everything felt quite peaceful and yet a shaky Ellie was far more scared than she had ever been in her life."


• Song From An American Movie, by ladyevil (part 7): "Jane trained the camera on Doris as she whaled on the punching bag with both fists and occasionally a few strong kicks. The chain rattled as she grunted and her friends cheered her on."


• The Wait, by Veritablefirestorm (COMPLETE!): "'Oh hi Daria,' Trent’s gravelly drawl greeted her from behind the barely open door before she could even see him. 'I think Janey’s out for a run.'"

Where There's Smoke, There's [cough cough cough]

A mere 22 years ago today, the Surgeon General of the United States declared nicotine was as addictive as heroin. Since then, it has been discovered that tobacco companies have been deliberately increasing the amount of nicotine going into their product.

What would life be like if we lived in a narco-democracy? That's a society in which all voters are addicted to a substance provided to them by the government or a government backer, which is guaranteed to always win elections and have public support (or acquiescence) because no addicted person will vote against them. Good thought for a speculative Daria fanfic, maybe?

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• Daria's Escape, by Aloysius (COMPLETE!): The dark-haired man smiled at her and said, “We don’t have much time, Daria, but do you trust me?” She decided to be honest with him. “About as much as I trust any government official.” He shook his head slightly and looked at her for several seconds. “You’re going to have to trust me—fully—for the next several minutes if the two of us are going to get out of this alive.” (Daria/The Wild, Wild West)
• Daria: Tom Was There, by OverlordMikey (Part 1): Tom noticed a red-and-black flash from the corner of his eye and stopped the Pinto. Looking out his window, he saw Jane Lane on the sidewalk. He waved and she noticed him, then came over to the car window. "Hey, amigo," she said with a grin. She noticed Elsie in the other seat. Elsie was looking away from her. "And howdy, Elsie." Elsie turned and glared at her. "Still angry, huh?" asked Jane. "Hey, it was an accident. How was I supposed to know your mother would take me seriously, let alone actually try square-dancing." "I had to spend my weekend with mother... square dancing. As far as I am concerned—" Elsie turned her head away "—you're dead, Lane."
• Finn Morgendorffer 46: Shields Up,by HolyGrail2007 (Part 4): “I’m here to teach, not bring in funds. If I see Finn fail, he will fail.” “And if he doesn’t fail?” “That’s my decision.” Janet replied. “I appreciate the concern, Angela, but I’m sure that certain... events... from two years ago would agree with me. That fiasco with the damn Ultra-Cola was bad enough. I’m sure Superintendent Cartwright would love to know why you kept calling that soccer player to your office.” Janet smiled evilly.
• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 28): The seniors, having stopped their swims, shouted out encouragement. "Come on, DeeDee!" DeeDee? thought Daria. DeeDee? Not this again! "You can do it, DeeDee! Just concentrate!"

Mightier Than the Sword

The beloved episode "Cafe Disaffecto" aired for the first time 13 years ago today, when Daria was able to spark an anti-Communist riot in Lawndale by the power of her writing. "The Lost Girls" appeared 11 years ago today, in which Daria was able to bring the notorious Val (as in Val) to Lawndale by the power of her writing. Maybe today should be a holiday for accomplishing things by writing something, the power of the pen and all that. Only what gets accomplished isn't what you thought would happen.

What else... today is the 21st anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill, which destroyed Alaska and western Canada, plus parts of Siberia, but on the positive side it gave us "Just Add Water," in Daria's third season.

This is the 45th birthday of the WWE wrestler known as The Undertaker, portrayed here by Jesse Moreno (wonder why MTV like this wrestler so much); the 109th birthday anniversary of Ub Iwerks, legendary animator and creator of Mickey Mouse; and the 136th birthday anniversary of Harry Houdini, whom Charles Ruttheimer III imitated so well in "Life in the Past Lane." Plus it is also World Tuberculosis Day, relevant to a certain fanfiction character, and Kick Butts Day, relevant because some of Daria's high school classmates and teachers smoke (e.g., Burnout Chick, Mr. DeMartino).

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• Finn Morgendorffer 38: Fractures, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 4): As Daria watched the three feuding Barksdale sisters continue their talk, she finally started to realize just what it was that was bothering her about this feud. It bothers me because it is stupid and pointless. But it’s also so familiar. Arguing over everything, nothing is sacred in a game of one-up. That’s not just Mom and her sisters. It’s me and Finn. That's... that's the future. And it... blows.
• NEW! The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 19): "Hell-oooooo!" The cry from upstairs was Helen Morgendorffer, bounding down stairs with Daria trailing behind her. "Elsie! Tom! Glad to see you again! Can I get you something to drink?" "Bourbon will be fine for me," said Tom with a smile. "Tom Collins, please," Daria said. "Nothing for me, if you don't mind," said Elsie. "I'm so close to my one month chip."
• Rocket Girls, by TAG (continued): “My mother wants meet you,” said Dora, searching in vain for the recently launched V-2. “She asks if you go to our house Saturday. She makes dinner.”
• NEW! Until You've Crossed, by Ticknart (COMPLETE!): Jane frowned. She really didn't want to do anything with Tom, but here she was. Maybe she could make an excuse and get away, see if Daria was up for pizza or a movie. More likely, though, Tom would want to tag along. She'd probably just end up sitting on her butt listening to the two of them go on and on about foreign films and the minute meanings as the movies move from reality to fantasy and back again and what the things in the fantasy mean. Jane could only sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" in her head so many times before she wanted to kill the other two and then herself. Daria was out of the question.
  

Sssssmokin'!

The tiny picture at left balloons up wonderfully when you click on it. This is how Quinn's class viewed having Daria as their teacher in "Lucky Strike," which premiered eight years ago today. This is the episode most famous for Daria's fur bikini. Or lack thereof.

Were you aware that the name of this episode came from a brand of cigarettes? Even cartoon characters smoke Lucky Strikes. They're less likely to get cancer than we are. Maybe.

I had an idea once about Jane drawing a comic strip for the school paper featuring a puffin (kind of like a penguin, only less erotic) named Puffy, who smokes cigarettes and does television ads promoting a given cigarette brand.... until he discovers he has cancer, which the cigarette company had assured him he would not get. The comic goes into angst overdrive, with Puffy coughing up blackened parts of his lungs & cursing his fate, yet completely unable to stop smoking, until the students who smoke get riled up and begin protesting. (Burnout Girl, by the way, is a smoker. See picture #13 at that link. Mr. DeMartino smokes too, per "The Big House.")

An Iron Chef about a drunken Daria is gathering some ficlets. Contribute yours!

Daria fan Dulcinea has a PPMB thread about Sandi Griffin, and how we view her. Why are people fascinated with her? Also a good thread for contributions.

Looking for a good debate? Try Deconstructing Mack, a critical discussion of "Saint Mack" Mackenzie and how the show depicted him.


UPDATED FANFICTION LIST

FF.net

• A Tale of Two Bungholes, by Evanilla (Part 1): Here is a very special shipper about two young boys and the girl who moved away... and then moved back. ("If only Mom knew I was spending the night at the house of the two horniest guys in Highland!”) I promise that this story will not cause permanent brain damage. I swear to God it won't. (Boinnnnng!)
  
• Unnamed Crossover Fanfic, by Pinkminx (Part 2): "Look, I'm gunna drop the act. Lawndale High is a cookie-cutter replica of every other school in America, complete with your various stereotypes. No one cares about anything, the teachers are oblivious, and the principal's sole interest is to protect the *valued* name of the school. Just don't do anything to compromise the school's reputation and you'll coast through the next few years."

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• Falling into College #67: How Did We Get All This Stuff? by Richard Lobinske (Part 1): "Daria really has him whipped now," Gina said before popping a candy into her mouth.
• Film Critic Mass, by Patrick Moore, a.k.a. Peapotmaster (Part 1): "Welcome to a special edition of Coming Attractions. Tonight, my special guest is former MTV star, Daria Morgendorffer, to co-host the show with me. Hello, Daria."
• Lambda, by SigDiff (Part 1, restarted by popular demand!): Daria Morgendorffer didn't particularly believe in the story of Gordon Freeman. She viewed him much in the same way she viewed Santa Claus. A man fitting his general description did exist at some point, and probably did some things that were seen as amazing, but he wasn't going to be the savior of humanity. Just like how Santa Claus never brought her that damned replica human skull. [A Daria/Half-Life 2 crossover. HE'S GONNA DO IT! YESSS!]
• Mike and the Spiral (with Jodie Landon) present: “Firecracker," by Ranger Thorne (COMPLETE!): When it comes to love she ain't no slacker / My little darlin' is a Firecracker!
  
• Once Upon a Time in Lawndale, by Disco316 (Parts 6 and 7): “Didn't sleep a wink last night. A group of the most unfashionable losers in black rode herd on me all night. I didn’t think you could make black look ugly until I saw them. Well, maybe leaving them out in the desert will improve their common sense as well as their fashion sense." ALSO: "Once you've killed four, it's easy to make it five."
• Rings and Things That Cannot Go Together, by Ranger Thorne (continued): “I am the Green Lantern of this sector of space,” Daria told him, trying to sound official. “You have been found worthy by my ring to become one of us.”
  
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): "I've gone from attending Lawndale High to being a reporter for one of the lesser New York City newspapers and winding up as Imperial Grand Duchess of the Russian Empire. And I still find myself dealing with idiots, scoundrels, and assorted hostile maladjusted types."
• Straight, Not Narrow, by Angelboy et al. (continued): "Seems like such a waste," said Daria. "The royal men are all quite handsome men." ["The Invitation" is next!]
  
• Things Fall Apart, by Doggieboy (Parts 1 and 2): Bradley Buzzcut looked over the gymnasium of Highland High as the refugees settled into family groups. Blankets and sleeping bags were arranged, while the custodians pushed back the bleachers to make more floor space. He took mental stock as he looked around, but there was so many people it was hard to be sure that everyone was there. [Part 2 takes place in Ohio. Guess which city.]
  
• Turnabout Confusion Part II: All The King's Horses, by Dennis (continued): "Dad said you wanted to talk to me, Mack. What about?" Now that it was upon him, he couldn't summon the anger he'd felt earlier in the day. Only sadness. "You know what about."
• A Twisted Little Corkscrew, by Dennis (COMPLETE!): Thugs, liars, and bootlickers, she thought as she tossed the wine back. Should've brought my flask.
• Unnamed story, by Scissors MacGillicutty (COMPLETE!): "Those who are one thirty-second awake are expecting me to announce that my old show will soon be available, and those one sixteenth awake are salivating at the prospect of me declaring I'm an alien and then ripping off these clothes to show a...oh, I don't know, a much more revealing outfit and nipples on my elbows."
  
• Unnamed story, by SigDiff (Part 1): See if you can guess the crossover. The towel is a clue.

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• Once Bitten, Twice Shy, by Bliss Ticks: The (in)complete story, so far: "I see the snow bunnies have taken possession of your faculties again." *

* Contains adult content. Hang on.

Alter-Ego Improvements #2

In this pic lifted from a flipbook on the MTV.com website, Tiffany Blum-Deckler is Lina Wertmuller, about whom I knew nothing until I Googled her name and discovered she was the Oscar-nominated Italian film director of Seven Beauties and Swept Away, neither of which I have seen. The Daria alter-ego artists are really into some esoteric stuff.

Tiffany's outfit of basic black, with the trademark Wertmuller glasses and flower thingie in her hair, is an improvement over her normal look that can only be measured in light years. Most alter-ego shots make the subject look silly, but not this one. She now has class and style, though we can quibble over the cigarette.

There you have it, another cool fashion ensemble That Should Have Been. Shame she had to wear that other crap for five years.