Squeak!

Everyone make sure your rats are well-medicated for World Rat Day! If not, they might not be able to solve the maze Daria and Kevin (ha!) worked so hard on.

Today is also Tell a Lie Day, so here's a doozy for you: Daria and Trent make the perfect couple and belong together forever!

Ugh. Now I just feel dirty. The bad kind of dirty.

Fanfic Update!

• Burned Out, by Wrabbit7 (part 19): "Standing in line to the locally owned, Playhouse 99 movie theater, Jennifer stared at Daria in shock. 'Let me get this straight, he wanted you to watch her spawning?'"


• Daria of Morsang-sur-Orge, by Rémi (parts 2 - 4): "The sisters were greated in the dungeon hall by their family. Their two brothers, Hugues and Arnaud, were already sitted at table and eating their breakfast with an hearty appetite. Hugues had an amused smile on his lips." (Part 3) (Part 4)


• It's Only A Pandemic!, by DIsaac (part 3): "(Kevin is doing what he does every night, watching all the games he can while he works his show. He is reading about The Blue Jackets being the first team to play without fans after The Governor there banned crowds of less than 100 people. Also that same day The NCAA announced that the March Madness Men's and Women's Tournament would be played without fans. That was going to be the topic until...)"


• Lucky, it's Past, by Lady Evil (part 1): "Life would change forever for Ms. Li that Monday afternoon."


• Seriously!? (Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!), by Vukodlak (part 1): "The anticipation was now over it had been announced that starting Monday, Lawndale would be on lockdown. So where ever you wanted to shelter-in-place you were to be there by then."

Don't Let Those Peanuts Hijack Your Brain!

Okay, I do not recommend that Daria and Jane proceed with their planned celebration of National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day! Nothing good will result, I promise.

However, they should go right ahead and observe International Children's Book Day, especially if Daria still has her copy of Black Beauty. Jane might enjoy looking at (and critiquing) the illustrations instead.

Speaking of artwork, the episode "Art Burn" aired on this day in 2001. Jane experienced a major case of burnout, Trent had to suffer the trial of (ugh) real work, and Brittany never did find out what happened to that three-legged elephant.

Fandom News!

• Help plan the International Daria Fan-Fic Convention - Virtual edition.


• Daria has been featured in a breakdown of "The Weird Girl" trope in movies and TV.


• JD has a question for anybody who knows London.

Teacher of Choice

Mr. DeMartino is wishing a happy (and intense) birthday to Christopher Walken, born on this day in 1943. Since Mr. DeMartino is supposed to be based off of the actor, that only seems appropriate. Also, please enjoy Peetz5050's image manipulation of DeMartino/Walken, Weapon of Choice.

This is also the anniversary of the episodes "Malled" in 1997 and "The F Word" in 2000. Both episodes involve the Fashion Club going to the mall...but only one features kiwi-flavored lip gloss!

Fanfic Update!

• Book Club (Daria and the Gang Thread II), by Roentgen (part 2): "Over the following week, Daria pondered her brief interaction with Sandi Griffin in the school lobby. She marked it down to Sandi's love of noir lit being an 'oddball characteristic', like that character in Charles Dickens (she couldn't remember who) that was businesslike at work but who had made his house into a miniature fort or something to repel borders."


• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 35): "Daniel, furious for what had happened, marched with his head down toward Lawndale High."


• Daria: In Another World?, by starwater09 (part 5): "'So the camping trip should be fun.' Mack says to Kevin as they pack up their things after football practice. 'It'll be nice to get away for a bit.'"


• Daria of Morsang-sur-Orge, by Rémi (part 1): "It was Daria’s favorite part of the day, in fact the only satisfying part of it. It was still dark, although she could tell the sun was about to rise, and in the dark at least she wasn’t at a disadvantage."


• Edicius, by elainefr (part 26): "They stood at the Morgendorffer door her looking up at him and him looking down at her. They leaned in and gave a gentle brush of their lips."


• If Quinn Had Stayed... (IC : Quinn stayed at Stacy's place), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'What are you wearing?' Quinn asked as she stared at Stacy. The answer however was obvious, her bestie Stacy was wearing an exact copy of Quinn's favorite outfit, a pink baby-t with the smiley face and halo along with a pair of low cut jeans."


• It's Only Just a Pandemic, by DIsaac (parts 1 and 2): "We see Dani Moreno just sitting there. Eating and reading her show rundown when Jodie Landon the General Manager of the station and Daria Morgendorffer the Programming Director comes in" (Part 2)


• Sitting at Home (Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!), by JPAGC (part 1): "Sitting at her working desk in her home office, Daria Morgendorffer sighed for the umpteenth time as she surveyed the half-written, half-blank page displayed on her laptop screen."


• Shiva's Self Insert: The Sucksteemers (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Closing Walls of Scholl Morgendorffer and Casa Lane), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "So... Amidst the chaos of the beginning of 2020, what with the virus outbreak, the continuing train wreck of a certain orange-blob in the Oval Office, and the ever-looming uncertainty of loosing my lucrative job and a lack of credentials beyond 'College Dropout', stuck in quarantine I was spending my time at home, trying to conserve my resources, binging on Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube, and spending much of it in a drunken haze due to not having anywhere to go."


• The Stories in D, by Lady Evil (part 8): "Lark opened the rounded portal and had to squint at the blinding bright light that came spilling in. Just as her eyes started to adjust to the light, dozens of butterflies came at her and surrounded her."

Janet, Warrior Princess

Happy birthday to Lucy Lawless, born on this day in 1968 and undoubtedly one of Ms. Barch's idols. I don't know of any Xena/Daria crossovers, but if you do then please let me know in the comments! If not, well, then someone had better start writing.

Today is also the anniversary of the episode "The New Kid," which aired on this day in 1998. The most notable thing about this episode is the introduction of the character Ted DeWitt-Clinton, but it's also worth noting the fact that Daria just completely beats the crap out of Quinn at the end of the episode. We really need to talk more about Daria's random violent streak, don't we?

Fandom News!

• What do you think about The Fugitive getting another revival?


• Rémi posted a new Iron Chef: Quinn stayed at Stacy's place.


• Discuss Daria plots that won't work in the present day because of modern technology.

Does He Know "Well, Bust My Legs and Call Me Shorty"?

Travis is here to play us some of his favorites for Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day! I hope he sings his latest hit, "A Crazy Teenage Driver Tried to Run Me Over." It's an instant classic.

Today is also National "Joe" Day, so let's all wish a happy holiday to one third of Quinn's entourage! I'm sure Jamie wishes he had a day for his name, because then maybe--just maybe--Quinn would remember who he is.

Fanfic Update!

• Alone Again, by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "He looked at the stranger staring back at him in the mirror. Maybe stranger wasn’t the exact word- familiar stranger was closer to it, for he knew this person a bit."


• The Angel Among Us (WildDogJJ's Throwaway Thread), by WildDogJJ (part 1): "With solemn expressions on their faces Quinn, Stacy and Sandi each took turns laying a boquet of flowers on a grave. They then stood and looked at the headstone."


• Daria of Morsang-sur-Orge, by Rémi (part 1): "It was a fair day of spring, and the good city of Aachen was rejoicing : the great king Charlemagne, rightful ruler of France and Emperor of Rome, was back from the German countries, where he had fought a fierce war against the heathen Saxons."


• Daria Quarantined (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Closing Walls of Scholl Morgendorffer and Casa Lane), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Life has a funny way of kicking you in the teeth."


• Edicius, by elainefr (part 25): "'The croissants are fresh.' Jane’s voice stopped Tom before he could hurry past the kitchen and out the door."


• The Stories in D, by Lady Evil (part 7): "Panel 1: Apollo is in center frame, wings spread, appearing to careen through the air. (needs SFX)"


• The Storm (Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!), by atiyatortilla (part 1): "Well prepared was something that Trent Lane never was, even in the face of a crisis."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Closing Walls of Scholl Morgendorffer and Casa Lane), by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "Not long after Daria moved in with Jane, Trent and Slash, a little black and white dog, Daria found her own little canine companion. Because she seemed so lost and because Daria was such a Shakespeare fan, this puppy (female) was named Perdita."


• A wish granted, by sarcasticsponge (part 2): "As Daria continued down the dark stone tunnel, she noticed the tunnel was becoming bigger the longer she walked. She used the strange white glow on her hands to guide her through the dark."

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Lawyer

Either Helen's trying an unusual tactic to catch the attention of the law firm's partners or she's just celebrating Elton John's 73rd birthday. I guess it could be both; who knows what kind of music Vitale is into?

Today is also Waffle Day, but Jake had better check that sell-by date before he eats any. The last thing he wants to do is eat a poisoned waffle, especially after his Tokyo Toby parasite scare.

Fandom News!

• The Lawndale-high Message Board has a coronavirus-related rules update.


• Mark the passing of Asterix creator Albert Uderzo.

Flat AND Ridgy!

Brittany's providing the chips and Kevin is the dip for National Chip and Dip Day! Enjoy the snacks today, but remember Earl and Barbara's advice about not fighting the dip. Seriously, that dip means business. Resistance is useless.

Today is also National Puppy Day, so Quinn might go visit her favorite dog Bark. Unless he's been (gasp!) adopted, that is. Or became the victim of a serial puppy kicker.

Finally, today is the anniversary of the episode "Monster" in 1998, in which Daria and Jane try to make a film of substance but make the mistake of choosing Quinn as their subject. And we never did find out which was Quinn's best side, either.

Fanfic Update!

• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (parts 34A and 34B): "Daniel immediately noticed something strange when he woke up that morning. Or rather he sniffed something strange." (Part 34B)


• Daria of the Milieu: Chasing Wormtrails, by Meester_Lee (part 2): "The coin sank with a splash. 'Did you make a wish?' asked Daria. 'Yes,' said Candida."


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (part 29): "Daria had no classes on Saturday and on this particular Saturday she had no plans, save to go to the library or work on a couple of essays she’d been assigned as homework."


• Love Times Two (Iron Chef: Send a Character "Foward" in Time), by neonhomer (COMPLETE!): "Quinn walked down and across the hall to her bedroom, closing the door behind as she walked in. Though the sun was shining brightly outside, the pink curtains filtered the light coming in, leaving a gloomy look to the room."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!), by JPAGC (COMPLETE!): "Sitting down on her desk, inside her room, Daria Morgendorffer increased the volume of her headphones and concentrated on the sight right before her: the plump figure of Mrs. Bennett practically filled the screen of her laptop as she spoke to the improvised camera in front of her."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!), by peetz5050 (COMPLETE!): "'But Ms. Li!' Mrs. Manson exclaimed. 'How can you justify the expense of purchasing a NetExtender software licence for every student in the school? It's consumed the balance for the rest of the school year!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Quinn had finally finished her stupid math class. She had always hated math, flying animated triangles didn't make it any easier."

She's Hoping to One Day Become a Real Girl

Tiffany's acting even more wooden than usual because it's World Puppetry Day. I'm not sure if Jane's insistence that puppets make anything funny applies to Tiffany as well, but I suppose it can't hurt.

Today is also Fragrance Day, and if Brittany decides to celebrate by spraying herself with a bunch of cheap perfume and making out with Kevin, feel free to move to the back of the bus. Never mind what Dr. King would think.

Fandom News!

• Pay your respects at the passing of Lyle Waggoner, Al Worden, and Kenny Rogers.


• Kristen Bealer posted a new Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!

Feeling Fowl

Mr. DeMartino is preparing for a great Poultry Day, or at least he was until Brittany and Kevin interrupted him. Now he might decide to stuff a few dim-witted students into the oven instead.

Speaking of chickening out (or in this case, not), today is also the anniversary of the episode "The Story of D," which aired on this day in 2001. Daria took a chance at getting a story published and was rejected, but not before we got some funny lines out of the experience. My favorite? This one:

Helen: Um, Tom's not here?

Daria: Not unless you've got him secreted somewhere on your person...you do, don't you.

Fanfic Update!

• Burned Out, by Wrabbit7 (part 18): "The Peterson living room was filled with the sound of Samantha drumming on the coffee table, as well as empty soda cans, magazines, and an empty dinner plate with her drumsticks."


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 36): "Erin had taken advantage of her early departure from work and had showered and changed clothes before walking to the restaurant for the Library’s dinner. The route was familiar so she allowed her thoughts to wander."


• The Necessities, by EntrancedCat (part 1): "'Okay, everyone has their assignments,' Jim Carbone reminded his passengers as they pulled into Long Island’s Payday Mart’s parking lot."


• The Plague Of Daria (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (part 2): "Quinn's white Cadillac CTS is going down Main Street. Inside, Quinn was driving while Daria rode in the front passenger seat."


• The Stories in D, by Lady Evil (parts 5 and 6): "'Don’t you get it?' Lark said to the deer. 'You’re free now!' The deer refused to leave Lark’s side. 'Run for it! Before those monsters come back and drain you of your essence!'" (Part 6)

This Particular Leprechaun Isn't So Lucky

Saint Patrick's Day hopes you all have an excellent holiday, complete with congenital green beer and four centuries of oppression.

Today is also another triple anniversary for the episodes "College Bored" in 1997, "Daria Dance Party" in 1999, and "Murder, She Snored" in 2000. One involved a lot of alcohol consumption, one was about a party, and the last included a death. Sounds like a good Saint Patrick's Day to me!

Fandom News!

• Discuss Trump's attempts to buy out the German medical research company CureVac.

Phoooooone Hoooooooome!

Someone should tell Tiffany that cosplaying as E.T. does make her look fat, but this is the only way she can think of to celebrate World Contact Day. I think that if any aliens did meet Tiffany as their first contact on Earth, they'd probably leave immediately.

Speaking of Tiffany, today is also both Dumbstruck Day and Everything You Think is Wrong Day, which both apply to her. In fairness, though, in order for everything you think to be wrong you'd have to actually, you know, think.

Fanfic Update!

• lawndales elite, by rvgonzal (part 1): "Interior house- front room- Couch cushions are overturned, books/ papers are scattered all over the floor. Camera pans to different areas of the house and it looks like a tornado has hit all the rooms with each room messier than the last."


• The Plague Of Daria (The Plague Of Daria), by WildDogJJ (part 1): "A red Mustang GT pulled into the Ruttheimer's driveway and came to a stop. Once the car was shut off Stacy Ruttheimer, nee Rowe, emerged from the driver's side while Daria Morgendorffer emerged from the passenger side."

How Many Pink Ostriches Had to Die to Create Those Ear Muffs?

Quinn's sure enjoying Ear Muff Day, and so are the three Js. I think the poor Lawndale High students who enjoy having food and other supplies are less thrilled about it, though.

They're all probably feeling extra unlucky because today is also Friday the 13th. Makes you wonder what the Holiday Island version is like, doesn't it? Perpetually unlucky or just especially superstitious?

Fandom News!

• Talk about Joe Biden in a new thread.


• What do you think of Judge Judy ending its 25-year run next season?


• Discuss the latest news about the coronavirus.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the QB

Kevin's in a cheerful mood because he's planting plenty of apple trees for Johnny Appleseed Day. Of course, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's scattering apple seeds. Knowing him, they might be pebbles or marbles or belly button lint.

Fanfic Update!

• Book Club (Daria and the Gang), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "It was now 5:10 pm. There was no point for Daria to wait for Marianne to pick her up."


• Bruises, Scars, Loose Teeth (Odds and Ends), by LSM (COMPLETE!): "Another ruck. That's all they were now, rucks."


• Tell Me I'm a Wreck, by conquerlove (fullbrightness) (part 3): "I think the carpet has my boot tracks permanently dug in from how much I've been pacing."

I Think Quinn's Still Got Her Beat on Accessories

Happy birthday to the plastic doll Barbie, who was "born" on this day in 1959. Quinn's role in this alter ego is almost too on-the-nose, isn't it? Oh, don't tell her I said anything about her nose. Dr. Shar doesn't need any more customers.

Today is also the anniversary of the episode "I Don't" in 1998. We got to meet a whole bunch of new characters, including Brian and Aunt Amy and Luhrmann and creepy priest guy and...holy cow, what a mixed bag! Some great characters and some truly awful ones.

Fandom News!

• Talk about the coronavirus outbreak.

He Probably Just Wants the Plastic Toy Inside

Jake's clearly enjoying National Cereal Day, although he seems more interested in figuring out what King Tut was buried without. Spoiler alert: it wasn't his diver.

Remember to set your clocks an hour forward for Daylight Saving Time tonight so you don't end up late to everything (coughTrentcough). Unless you live in a rational place where they don't bother with Daylight Saving Time, that is. Lucky you!

Fanfic Update!

• An Anger Observed, by Rémi (COMPLETE!): "« If you can see any of my pores on camera, I swear, I'll kill you. Stop the tape ! I do not have pores ! My pores are cute ! My pores are tiny ! You're fired ! »" (Part 3)


• The Con (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Quinn and Jim's eight-year old sons Tommy, Timmy and Teddy were seated on the living room sofa watching TV. Actually, Tommy and Timmy were watching TV while Teddy was reading 'Animal Farm' and tuning everyone out." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Doctor Who – Repeating Mistakes, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "The Doctor returned to the TARDIS, and found that Janelle, his latest travelling companion, was leaning against the doors lost in thought. 'Janelle?'"


• Her Face All Red, by LittleRaven (COMPLETE!): "Daria sat, frozen. She hadn't been touched this much since...she'd never been touched this much, not by anyone who wasn't related to her, and it had been a long time since she'd started taking cash for the privilege."


• Q/S short (Ferret's stash), by Ozferret (COMPLETE!): "Quinn nervously bushed imaginary lint from her jacket. Long gone were the pink midriff tops of yesteryear, replaced by the finest Skirts and Jackets that business style could offer."


• The Stories in D, by Lady Evil (part 4): "Mike couldn’t concentrate on how miserable he was with that stupid bird pecking at his window. It probably saw his reflection and was trying to pick a fight with it. He decided he’d better shoo it off."

Which Is My Best Personality? I Know They're Both Good.

I think maybe Quinn is having a little too much fun for Multiple Personality Day, especially because she's currently recreating Daria's worst nightmare. Everyone be extra nice to the Eunice inside, okay?

Today is also the anniversary of the episode Fat Like Me, which aired on this day in 2001. Sandi battling weight gain was okay, Daria and Jane's betting B-plot was meh, but the real high point of the episode was Stacy completely losing her shit at Tiffany in the girls' restroom. That whole scene is a classic.

Fandom News!

• Talk about cult classic movies people should see at least once in their lifetimes.


• bailey0799 posted a new Iron Chef: Postcards From Amy.


• Ai Rad shared her first cosplay photo.

Say That Into My Good Ear!

Jane and her grandma are sure enjoying World Hearing Day, or at least one of them is. Jane is too busy regretting her recent life choices.

That said, today we celebrate a triple anniversary: "Esteemsters" in 1997, "The Old and the Beautiful" in 1999, and "Antisocial Climbers" in 2000. That first one means that today is the anniversary of the TV show Daria itself!

Fanfic Update!

• An Anger Observed, by Rémi (part 1): "Daria was furious. She felt a cold, deep anger. It wasn't surprising, of course. She had just lived a bad day."


• The Art of Seduction (Random Pairing Challenge 2020), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "Skylar slouched against a wall, bored but trying not to look like it."


• Daria: High School Reunion, by Serrallonga (part 10): "CUT TO the Limbo- unknown place -unknown time. (Like everytime DARIA and TOMMY touch each other, their consciences are transferred to a kind of Limbo, where they can read and feel each other's thoughts)"


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 35): "Erin drove to a station and caught the T to the Boston Products Office. Arriving at her desk she avoided the glances of her work mates and placed a small plastic model of The Golden Gate Bridge on her desk."


• Mecha Ensign Daria: Mechs Education novelisation, by Charles RB (parts 1 and 2): "In the dark hours of Tuesday night, strange readings had been detected from the great lake in Carter County, Maryland." (Part 2)


• The Stories in D, by Lady Evil (parts 2 and 3): "Clarissa couldn't believe she was on a luxury cruise in a gorgeous silver satin gown. Even more unbelievable was that Jesse was reclining next to her on the chaise lounge, looking splendid in a tuxedo. There was just one thing niggling on her mind that she had to ask." (Part 3)


• A wish granted, by sarcasticsponge (part 1): "One late-evening in Highland, Texas, saw one fourteen year-old Daria Morgendorffer sitting by herself on an old swing set in a local park near her home."


• Worth the Trip, by Zetor (part 4): "Daria hung up the hotel bar's phone, assured a cab was on the way. She looked back at the table where Rita had ended up sticking her—Helen working through a bottle of wine like there was a prize at the bottom, Amy prodding her on, and poor Jake trying to fight the inevitable—and decided that the restroom might be a better place to wait out her ride."

Well, THAT'S Not Kosher!

Jamie's apparently a big fan of National Pig Day, but I don't think he's thought this all the way through. Honestly, I'm a little curious about the story behind this particular alter ego. Did the artist just really not like Jamie?

This is also Peanut Butter Lovers' Day, so feel free to let peanuts hijack your brain. Moth to a flame. Oh, you know the rest!

Fandom News!

• Whom would you cast in a live-action Daria?


• Talk about the new Sonic the Hedgehog movie.


• Share your thoughts on how the coronavirus might affect Trump.


• Which of the main characters in Daria had pets?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Daria and Jane have fully embraced Public Sleeping Day, but I'm afraid they have a long way to go to beat Trent's record on this one. I prefer to do my sleeping in private, if only to avoid Sharpie-related shenanigans.

Today is also Floral Design Day, so why not join Quinn in making a dainty garland for your head? Singing is optional.

Fanfic Update!

• Choice and Chance for a Barksdale (Iron Chef: Daria The Youngest Barksdale), by EntrancedCat (part 2): "(Jake is driving his daughter, Quinn, and sister-in-law, Daria, to high school; Quinn is riding shotgun, Daria is in the back seat) Jake - Girls, I just want you to know your mother, uh, and Helen, uh, and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town -- especially for you, Daria, right?"


• Play It Again, Darling (Random Pairing Challenge 2020), by nightbeast37 (COMPLETE!): "'So what are you up to?' Daria asked Trent. 'Did some mid-level rock band turn up at your doorstep and request your services for 3 months? Or are you going for a so-called co-headlining tour with Bush?'"


• The Seduction Of Quinn (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Quinn are sitting on the couch watching TV. Cut to the TV screen and we see a handsome man and a beautiful woman make out passionately while a dead body lay on the floor with multiple stad wounds. The man had a blood soaked knife in his hand." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• The Stories in D, by Lady Evil (part 1): "'Ma belle Melody,' Gaétan sighed. 'How these raging flames highlight your hair and make your eyes sparkle.'"

Someone Munched a Bunch of the Wrong Lunch

Poor Quinn is not having a very good National Pistachio Day, but only because she's allergic to pistachio dye. I guess she can kiss that neck modeling career goodbye!

Today is also Tell a Fairy Tale Day, and the Gupty kids are eager to hear your new takes on the old classics. Bonus points if they include useful life lessons about child support and permanent records.

Finally, the episode "Sappy Anniversary" first aired on this day in 2001. Daria found out that Tom isn't the romantic type, and we found out that Jake likes to give malformed candles as gifts.

Fandom News!

• Talk about Daria characters' hypothetical experiences with cooking.


• Share your thoughts about the new Sonic movie.


• Dervish wonders who gets polled.


• Where do you miss the music most on the DVD release?

Bet You "Cocktail" is One of His Favorite Movies

It's World Bartender Day, but I think Upchuck is severely underestimating the amount of beer needed for people to want to spend time around him. The correct amount is "approaching deadly levels of alcohol poisoning."

Poor eyesight would also help, which is why it's fitting that today is the anniversary of the episode "Through a Lens Darkly" in 1999. Of course, even without her glasses Daria knows better than to trust Upchuck. The question is, does Eunice?

Fanfic Update!

• Burned Out, by Wrabbit7 (part 17): "Jennifer laid on her bed, her socked feet planted on the wall behind her headboard. She had been in that position for the better part of the last two hours, bouncing a small rubber ball at the wall between her feet, and catching it on the rebound."


• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 33): "Quinn did everything she could to distract her grandmother ... and things worked for a while."


• Everything to Fear But Camp Itself, by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "Back at Camp Grizzly, the paramedics were waiting. Tiffany, still sleeping, was whisked off to the nearest hospital. The police took Mr. Pott’s statement and asked about the missing boys. Allen and Link were presented."

He's the Guy Who Cut Down the Cherry Tree With His Teeth, Right?

Kevin's ready to party for George Washington's birthday, but I dare you to ask him who Washington was. Bonus points if he answers "the dollar guy."

Of course, perhaps Kevin would surprise us all by actually getting an answer right! It could happen, because today is also World Thinking Day. We can always hope for a miracle, right?

Fandom News!

• Have you read C.L. Basso's "Just the Sun at Night"? If not, find it in the thread.


• Discuss Daria characters and instrument stereotypes.

Down, Boy! Bad Vibes!

It's Love Your Pet Day, but Helen doesn't look like she's feeling particularly affectionate toward Leary right now. A handful of Daria characters have pets, but very few of them appear onscreen. It's a shame, though--a Daria episode revolving around pets could have been amusing. Ah, well. I guess that's what fanfic is for!

Fanfic Update!

• Choice and Chance for a Barksdale (Iron Chef: Daria The Youngest Barksdale), by EntrancedCat (part 1): "Newly minted fifteen-year-old Daria Barksdale yawned after her nap and smoothed down the pleats in her short black skirt. She left her room and padded down the stairs of her Baltimore townhouse."


• Daria: High School Reunion, by Serrallonga (part 9): "DARIA: Are you kidding me? TOMMY: See by yourself (he extends his hand). I'd explain, but it will be faster and more explicit if we do that Vulcan mind-reading thing. Please?"


• Edicius, by elainefr (part 24): "'Good morning ladies,' Helen walked into the Lane household looking around the next morning. Jane and Daria traded smirks while each taking a sip of the coffee that Trent had made after making a run to the all-night grocery store."


• A Girl and Her Cat, by neonhomer (part 2): "'So, who pays for the pizza this time?' Asked Jane as she finished her slice and reached for another one."


• A Lane’s Return to Lawndale (), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "Summer Lane looked at Lawndale from the roadside. She usually hated returning to the place. This time was no different."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria The Youngest Barksdale), by Zetor (parts 2 and 3): "As she and Amy pulled up to the hotel, Daria spotted her other sisters, Rita and Helen, standing at the entrance alongside their significant others." (Part 3)

What Could Go Wrong?

Jane and Alison are ill-advisedly celebrating National Drink Wine Day, but as long as Jane keeps a level head and...never mind.

Today is also the anniversary of the publication of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in 1885. Daria would like to remind everyone that Huckleberry Hound is a complete different character who was not created by Mark Twain.

Fandom News!

• Discuss various Daria locations.


• Share songs that ask, "How did it all end up like this?"

And the Winner Is...Fashion!

Stacy is thrilled to be named the winner of the Daytona 500, which is taking place later today. You can talk about dirt and grease and broken nails, but that's about the happiest I have ever seen Stacy so let's not ruin it for her.

Today is also the anniversary of the episode "Arts 'N Crass," which aired on this day in 1998. It was preceded by the Daria Day Marathon, and if you like fourth-wall breaking and metahumor then this will totally be totally your jam.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (part 28): "One class had Daria worried: Potions. Potions had acquired the reputation as being one of the toughest classes at Hogwarts: the professor wasn’t just strict, but also extremely sarcastic and demanding and was reputed to favor Slytherin, the House he headed."


• Daria's Great Adventure, by dmsfanman (part 35): "Tom and Darren were back to looking at each other through the windshields of their respective rovers. Tom reflected on how being a pioneer on the infinite frontier of space seemed to involve a tremendous amount of waiting and boredom."


• Everything to Fear But Camp Itself, by Lady Evil (part 7): "'Well, here we are, Camp Grizzly.' said Bruno. 'How ya feeling, Kina?'"


• A family Secret, by Rémi (COMPLETE!): "« Can I come in ? » Quinn was surprised both by Daria’s hesitant demeanour and her embarassed question."


• On the curb (Random Pairing Challenge 2020), by sarcasticsponge (COMPLETE!): "One early morning in Lawndale saw one Tom Sloan driving slowly around town contemplating about his life several months after Daria broke up with him."


• T.A.Ts from a Magazine (Random Pairing Challenge 2020), by EntrancedCat (COMPLETE!): "'Ohhh,' Brittany Taylor cooed appreciatively as she studied the document enshrined on the wall. 'Great Prairie State University! I’m going there you know! Or maybe you don’t? But Ms. Manson, this says you, philosophiae doctoris uh, do philosophy. I thought you were a psychologist.'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Saga Goes On), by JPAGC (COMPLETE!): "It was a tuesday morning in Lawndale. In the Morgendorffer household, like countless homes across the US, this meant that its occupants prepared for yet another working day."

"Everything is cool. Everything is love, baby."

Cupid's feeling a little down, perhaps because he's worried that Valentine's Day has become less about love and romance and more about commercialization and corporate profit. Or he's just tired of walking around in an oversized diaper. If you'd like to know what Daria thinks about Valentine's Day, look no further than her editorial "What I Think About Valentine's Day," published in The Huffington Post.

Fandom News!

• The winners for the 2019 Daria Fanworks Awards have been announced! Congratulations to all!


• Reflect on our fandom history in a new thread.

Whatever You Are, Be a Goth One

Andrea is even more stone-faced than usual, but it's only because today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Of course, he now has to share a holiday with George Washington instead, which may be why he's so grumpy on Holiday Island. Let's wish the sixteenth president a happy birthday, and whatever you do don't wear sandals around him.

Fanfic Update!

• Burnt Wonderbread (Random Pairing Challenge 2020), by Zetor (COMPLETE!): "Jane didn't hate her dormmate. Usually. Marissa was pretty chill for an art history major, and never hassled her about the various projects, class assigned and not, that she brought into their small room."


• Everything to Fear But Camp Itself, by Lady Evil (part 6): "'Kinda wish I brought my phone.' Link said after a while. 'I could pass the time playing Sweetie Smash.' He smacked his head as he realized what should’ve been obvious. 'Or, duh, call someone for help!'"


• Glass Houses, by atiyatortilla (COMPLETE!): "Through everything, there’d always been lasagna."


• More Her Type (Iron Chef: Random Pairing Challenge 2019), by JoeMerl (COMPLETE!): "Timothy had never expected to fall in love with Janet. Even during their relationship he could hardly deny that it was unusual. Not bad, mind you, and much more...passionate than any of his previous experiences dating, but their eventual breakup, while painful, was not fully unexpected."


• Sunshine, by Ray by Another Name (COMPLETE!): "It was a foggy day in Boston, the air smelled vaguely of fish and the bus was - per usual - stuffed like a sardine tin."

It's Raining, It's Pouring, the Old Goth is Snoring

Andrea's ready for Umbrella Day, although she'd be better protected if she actually held the umbrella fully over her head. Ah, well, it doesn't seem to be raining so I guess the umbrella is just for show.

Fandom News!

• Time is almost up to vote in the 2019 Daria Fanworks Awards. If you haven't yet, please submit your votes for Written Works and Visual Works.


• Discuss whether splitting Daria episodes into two ten-minute stories would have worked.


• JoeMerl has posted the Random Pairing Challenge 2020 for anyone who's interested.

Disclaimer: Cookies Do Not Contain Girl Scouts

Jane had better look out, because it's National Girl Scout Cookie Day and she's in danger of incurring another Girl Scout cookie debt. Of course, perhaps she's safe from the temptation since her Girl Scout deprogramming, but you can never be too careful.

Today is also Boy Scout Day, and 1950's Jake will probably lead his troop in a rousing chorus of "America the Beautiful" before someone accuses them of being Reds.

Fanfic Update!

• Aunt Daria (Iron Chef: Daria The Youngest Barksdale), by Meester_Lee (part 1): "The taxi slowed down, then pulled into the driveway at 1111 Glenn Oaks Drive. A well-dressed, auburn-haired girl got out of the cab and walked back towards the cab’s trunk. The driver opened the trunk and lifted out three suitcases and set them on the concrete."


• Daria and Jane Learn Geography NOW!, by brothergrimace1 (COMPLETE!): "Jane: I changed my mind. (Daria looks at her) I'm okay with Quinn helping you out with this one."


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (part 27): "Daria’s next class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. She looked forward to it with a mixture of worry and anticipation."


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 34): "After work Erin waited till only Michelle was left. 'Do you still want that wine?' Erin asked."


• Everything to Fear But Camp Itself, by Lady Evil (part 5): "'Well, hey, look at this sexy thing!' said Jake, pulling out a negligee. 'When were you going to surprise me with this?'"


• A Gentle Push From The Nest, by brothergrimace1 (COMPLETE!): "'Rossalyn! A friend of yours from school is here to see you!"


• Mine, by Vukodlak (part 13): "Quinn stood in front of the mirror holding up various skirts seeing which one would complete yet another perfect outfit."


• Naked Eyes (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Daria was sitting on the couch writing on her laptop. Her cat, Godzilla, was curled up next to her. Something seemed to grab the cat's attention as he suddenly scurried off of the couch and onto the floor." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria The Youngest Barksdale), by Zetor (COMPLETE!): "Daria Barksdale sat in the passenger seat of her older sister's convertible, watching the East Coast landscape fly by—far faster than it legally should be."

The Sultan of "Yeah"

Jesse's up to bat in honor of Babe Ruth's birth on this day in 1895. I'm surprised to see Jesse not only engaged in something more active than strumming a guitar but actually wearing a shirt. What has he come to?

Fandom News!

• Don't forget to vote for the 2019 Daria Fanworks Awards! Ballots for Written Works and Visual Works are available at the links.


• Decide who would win in a Death Battle between V and Joker.


• sarcasticsponge posted a new Iron Chef: Daria The Youngest Barksdale.


• Would Daria have made any friends without Jane?

But Maybe Not THAT Mailman

DeMartino's eager to accept your gratitude on Thank a Mailman Day, but I don't recommend it. He seems to be channeling his inner Metal Mouth.

Today is also the day George Washington was elected president in 1789, at which point he apparently told a young lady that she was tardy. At least, that's what Brittany thinks. In real life I'm sure he was actually much more focused.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria of the Milieu: Chasing Wormtrails, by Meester_Lee (part 1): "Wilmington! That was one of the hot stories this week. Every journo who could had dashed off to Wilmington with pens, paper, laptops, cell phones, and video cameras to interview the latest arrivals from Earth Gimel."


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (part 26): "Daria looked at her pocket-watch. It was time. She knocked softly on the Professor's door. 'Come in,' he said."


• Daria the Vampire Slayer: Hell Comes To Texas, by Charles RB (part 12): "The first Daria knew of the situation was when she arrived at school to find the police already there, dragging a number of people away."


• Edicius, by elainefr (part 22): "'Come on, breathe damn it!' (v/o) His voice sounded very far away. 'That's it; you can- do it-'"


• The Engineer and the Time Lady, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 4): "The next day, Alpha returned to Nina's quarters. Nina soon came to the door. 'Good morning,' Alpha said cheerfully."


• Everything to Fear But Camp Itself, by Lady Evil (parts 3 and 4): "'You got a lot of stuff in these boxes.' Link commented as he helped Helen open one. 'I thought we got rid of all our old stuff before we left Highland.' said Helen. 'Amazing what accumulates in just two years!'" (Part 4)


• Journey Into Misery, by Captain Marbles (part 3): "Daria stood beside the hospital bed fingering her Norse hammer amulet nervously, staring down at her best friend and partner in crime, Jane. Fellow Cynic and Artiste Extraordinaire."


• Sympathy for the Sloane, by YouthofOz (part 5): "It was even money over who was more terrified as Tom bolted through the cellar door and wrenched the door shut behind him."


• Tell Me I'm a Wreck, by conquerlove (fullbrightness) (part 1): "The phone call at two AM was anything but pleasant. I had fallen asleep after trying to write a new article for the magazine I work for; the topic, Heating Up or Cooling Down, was about relationships of all things."

"Go, teams, go!"

Looks like the football team is getting a head start on celebrating the Super Bowl taking place later today. Or they're just really excited about the school review meeting Ms. Li announced.

For those less interested in sports, today is also Groundhog Day! You know, the day where we expect a large rodent to accurately predict the weather? Oy. Maybe we'd all be better off going to that school review meeting.

Fandom News!

• Voting is open for the 2019 Daria Fanworks Awards! Please choose your favorite Written Works and Visual Works at the links.


• The Sidhe shares a rare copy of Alice In Wonderland illustrated by Salvador Dali.


• Discuss whether the current impeachment is partisan politics or a farce.


• DocForbin found a Daria mention in Rolling Stone.

Kevin DOES Mind the Bollocks!

Kevin is looking his punkiest for Johnny Rotten's birthday! I guess he saw Brittany's goth outfit and decided to see if he could one-up her.

Today is also Inspire Your Heart with Art Day, which is every day for Jane...unless she's been painting reproductions again.

Fanfic Update!

• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 32): "After placing the suitcase on the bed, Daniel left the guest room. He almost collided with Quinn, who was going to the bathroom."


• Daria: High School Reunion, by Serrallonga (part 8): "DARIA: (Looking at Tommy, shocked) It was your voice... the day the roof collapsed. TOMMY: Yeah, it was me. DARIA: But... how?"


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (part 26): "Professor Flitwick opened the next folder on his desk and ruffled through the parchments of the next student he was going to interview. Daria Lynn Morgendorffer. Born April 9th, 1979 in Austin, Texas, USA"


• Hate Actually, by welltemperedclavier (COMPLETE!): "'Dude, he's been dancing with Quinn all night!' Jonus complained." (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)


• I Don't Know What I Want, but Regardless..., by A_Big_Old_Skeleton (COMPLETE!): "Daria woke up slowly. This was nothing new - Daria never woke up particularly fast - but there was an extra reluctance to the act this morning which felt significant, somehow."


• Jane The Outlaw (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Daria, Quinn and Jane were in serious trouble."


• Sympathy for the Sloane, by YouthofOz (part 4): "Upchuck squinted into the dusty air, trying to see what was stirring on the far end of the cellar. Was it a person? Or just a shadow?"

Magnumdorffer, P.I.

I didn't know Daria was a Tom Selleck fan, yet here she is cosplaying as his character Magnum P.I. for the actor's 75th birthday! I have to say, Hawaiian shirts are a surprisingly good look for her. I would not have expected that.

Fandom News!

• Talk about times when influencers had a positive impact on businesses.


• Discuss the news about Netanyahu's indictment.


• tjdolf points out that there are Daria storyboards on Ebay.

I Could Easily See Stacy Drowning in Her Own Tears

Stacy, as Alice from Alice in Wonderland, is prepared to play croquet to celebrate the anniversary of Lewis Carroll's birth on this day in 1832. She doesn't look excited about it, but I imagine that if the Queen of Hearts is anywhere as intimidating as Sandi then she has every reason to be. Alice fans can check out this list of Alice/Daria crossover stories.

Today is also Chocolate Cake Day, and I'm happy to accept any or all donations. Except for the one Quinn baked for Kevin. I don't trust her baking skills.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (part 25): "'So where were you trying to get to?' asked Miss Pichon. 'I don't think you were trying to visit us.'"


• Doctor Who – Troubles of Ronisaka, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "The TARDIS materialised on a coral outcrop. 'The TARDIS is underwater?' Clara Oswald asked as she looked at the console."


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 33): "Boston weather had turned unseasonably warm and Erin was able to wear some of the clothes she had brought from the south and she walked into the office with a spring in her step."


• Everything to Fear But Camp Itself, by Lady Evil (parts 1 and 2): "Trent woke to the sound of his phone quacking. 'Hello?' he answered. 'Hello,' said a high pitched voice. 'Are you Trent? Have you been a naughty boy, Trent?'" (Part 2)


• Hate Actually, by welltemperedclavier (parts 1 and 2): "Sweat was the enemy. Sure, Quinn had lots of enemies: cheap kohl, those lacy veils that Nibenese women wore that got stuck on your makeup, bad hair days, bad pores, and last but not least Synda Grilvayn. But of all those, sweat was the one she worried about as she trudged to Moonmoth Legion Fort with her family." (Part 2)


• Jane The Outlaw (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (parts 1 and 2): "Daria, Quinn and Jane were seated at a table having lunch. Quinn had driven in from Long Island while Daria had taken the subway from Rockefeller Center and Jane had walked from her condo in SoHo. Now, the three of them were enjoying some of the best pizza in New York while making small talk." (Part 2)


• Sympathy for the Sloane, by YouthofOz (COMPLETE!): "Tom could hear the scratching even on the other side of the manor. He was sure the thick oak of the door was starting to break up as that thing's fingers clawed into the wood."


• You Want It Darker, by LSM (part 14): "'Did you ever think life would turn out like this?' 'Clap clap clap clap. What with our jobs being a joke, we're broke and our love lives are DOA?'"

It's a Topsy-Turvy World

Daria and Quinn are celebrating Opposite Day, which is probably a painful experience for both of them. I mean, not only do they have to wear each other's clothes but Quinn is forced to make sarcastic remarks while Daria needs to figure out how to put product in her hair. The horror!

Fandom News!

• Vote in the deathmatch between Freddie Kruger and Evelynn.


• Discuss storytellers as the oldest profession.

Or She's About to Play "This Little Piggy"

Daria's just making sure she's still a size six and a half B for Measure Your Feet Day. Fortunately, she doesn't get a lot of exercise, so she doesn't have to worry about running making her feet spread to a bigger shoe size. Whew!

Fanfic Update!

• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 31): "'Jakey! I'm so glad to see you again! 'Exclaimed a tiny woman with white hair and a pink dress in her late 60's. 'Grandma ?!'"


• Daria: High School Reunion, by Serrallonga (part 7): "DARIA and TOMMY SHERMAN are sit around a table. MARK TWAIN puts some beer mugs on it. DANTE is back on the stage, tuning up his guitar."


• Like a Masochist in Newport, by Lady Evil (part 5): "'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!' Jake pleaded. He was in the back of Trent's car. Trent was next to him in the back seat, Daria holding a paper cup full of ice against the left side of his head where Jake slugged him."


• Same Crap, Different Place (Daria And Quinn), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "We see a cab pull up in front of the house. Helen Morgendorffer emerges from the passenger side with a suitcase and makes her way to the front door. She looks like she did in the future scene from 'Write Where It Hurts' accept that her hair is not gray due to the fact that she dyes it."


• The Parade, by elainefr (COMPLETE!): "'Quinn you are so dead!' Daria hissed angrily through clenched teeth."

Also Known as "Rats With Fluffy Tails Appreciation Day"

It's National Squirrel Appreciation Day, but something tells me Jake won't be celebrating. I admit I find the little critters kind of cute, but then I've never done battle with them over a garbage can.

Today is also National Hugging Day, but Daria wants to make sure everyone knows that she prefers National Touch-Me-and-Get-Sued Day.

Last but certainly not least, it was on this day in 2002 that "Is It College Yet?" aired. It marked the end of the Daria series with a funny yet bittersweet conclusion, and even years later we can still appreciate Daria's parting words: "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong; remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked; the truth and a lie are not 'sort of the same thing;' and there's no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza."

Fandom News!

• This is your last chance to nominate Written Works and Fanart for the 2019 Daria Fanworks Awards!


• Choose the victor in battles between Alfred E. Neuman Vs. Obnoxio the Clown and The Kingpin vs. The Penguin.


• When have you used Daria style humor and sentiments other works?


• Talk about the varieties of religious doubt (and faith) among Daria characters.

Nevermore!

I would wish Edgar Allan Poe a happy birthday, but "happy" really wasn't his style, was it? Poe, who was born on this day in 1809, was the inspiration for this exchange in "Gifted":

Brittany - The Telltale Heart? I love romance novels!

Daria - Yeah, nothing says "be mine" like a pounding heart beneath a floorboard.

Today is also National Tin Can Day, and I really hope someone remembered to put a can opener in the bomb shelter this time.

The deadline for DFA nominations has been extended three days: 11:59 PM (23:59) UTC 21 January 2020. Please send your nominations for art and writing soon!

Fanfic Update!

• A Girl and Her Cat, by neonhomer (COMPLETE!): "'Did your mother say what she wanted to talk to me about?' 'Not a clue. She just said for us to both come to the house, that she wanted to talk to you.'"


• Same Crap, Different Place (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (part 2): "Quinn and Jim are seated in front of the principal's desk while the principal is seated behind his desk and the school psychiatrist is standing off to the side."

Maybe Just Try on a Nice Pair of Bifocals Instead?

Mr. DeMartino is holding an ill-advised reenactment in honor of Benjamin Franklin's birth on this day in 1706. I'm not sure why; science experiments are more Ms. Barch's thing than his. Maybe he's trying to work out a cheap method of self-resuscitation in case of heart attack.

Fandom News!

• The deadline to nominate for the 2019 Daria Fanworks Awards is tomorrow. Please submit your choices here, here, and here.


• What are your thoughts on the new Lego Masters show?

God Save the Queen!

Daria is feeling especially regal on the anniversary of Queen Elizabeth I's crowning on this day in 1559. I can't say that she looks very comfortable, though. At least she kept the color theme consistent!

Today is also the anniversary of the very first Super Bowl in 1967. Ever since, great big guys have continued slamming into other great big guys in pursuit of victory.

Time is running out to nominate for the 2019 Daria Fanworks Awards. Please send in your nominations soon!

Fanfic Update!

• Am I A Grownup Yet?, by jones2000 (part 22): "The Zeemobile pulled into the driveway of the Morgendorffer residence and the doors opened. 'Any problems with leaving early?'"


• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 30): "Daniel slept deeply that night. The next morning he woke up fresh, rested ... and hungry."


• Daria Greenwood, by sarcasticsponge (part 1): "A long, black limousine is seen driving slowly to Lawndale. Inside the limo in the back seat sits a sullen young teen girl that goes by the name 'Daria Greenwood'."


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (parts 23 and 24): "The dinner ended, and the students began to stand up. 'Ravenclaws, follow us!' said a couple of older students. Daria guessed that they were in their late teens." (Part 24)


• A family Secret, by Rémi (part 7): "Jake swallowed his mug of coffee in one big gulp, hoping it'd ease his hangover. He had arrived home very late and half-drunk the previous night, with the help of a taxi : he'd have to retrieve the SUV later."


• Like a Masochist in Newport, by Lady Evil (part 4): "'Now, this is what I call a wedding breakfast.' said Amy between bites of her powdered donut as they drove into town."


• Same Crap, Different Place (Daria and Quinn), by WildDogJJ (part 1): "Daria was sitting at her desk typing away on her computer when the phone rang. She immediately answered. Daria: 'Hello, you've reached the Ninth Circle of Hell, Lady Satan speaking.'"