She Still Looks Stone-Faced

Andrea looks (slightly) more stoic than usual, thanks to her impression of Abraham Lincoln on the anniversary of his birth on this day in 1809. Maybe Jodie can spend some time today telling Brittany the story of what happened to him and his wife...but very gently and using very small words.

Interestingly, scientist Charles Darwin was born on the very same day, in the same year. I'm sure Kevin will be pleased to know that "the monkey guy" is being celebrated today, thanks to his love of monkeys, although he might be disturbed to find that Darwin was not, in fact, the man in the yellow hat.

I would strongly recommend that you only observe Hug Day with willing participants. Hugging someone like Daria without permission could lead to a lawsuit or, at the very least, stomped toes.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria's narration, by redpink (part 1): "You know, I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd find comfort in something so... tactile. But here I am, lying on Jane's bed, my stomach resting against hers like we're puzzle pieces that finally clicked."


• I (Don't) Want to Be a Part of It, by ladyevil (part 13): "'You’re Quinn, right?' Quinn turned to see a blonde, middle aged woman in a blouse that was five years out of fashion."


• Ow, What a Night!, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Quinn sat at the bar with Angie and her friends, and she was not having a good time due to being the only 43-year-old in a club full of twenty-somethings." (Part 3)


• Scitech Day, by redpink (part 1): "Jane's room is dim except for the soft glow of the lamp on her nightstand."


• Spider Quinn 20 The Imitation Tempest, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 4): "SpiderGirl looked out over the town from the top of the theater as she usually did. ‘Something feels off,’ she thought. ‘It’s not like the usual feeling when looking over the town,’ she thought."

Honest Andrea

Andrea looks very statuesque (get it?) for the anniversary of the dedication of the Lincoln Memorial in 1922. Perhaps to celebrate, Jodie can finish telling Brittany "all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died."

A more pleasant proposition, however, would be Water a Flower Day. It might be a good idea to water the Tommy Memorial Crutch, too, because if that thing goes then you just know Tommy Sherman will come back to haunt the girls' restroom again.

Does anyone feel like joining Daria in ordering either a steak or a stake? If so, then I have good news because it's Joan of Arc's feast day, or the anniversary of the day she was executed in 1431.

Four Score and Many More Years Ago....

President's Day is celebrating half of itself because today is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday! That's gotta be a little weird, honestly. Does one of the presidents get jealous on the other's birthday? Do they even distinguish between the two anymore? So many questions.

Today is also the anniversary of Charles Darwin's birth in 1809. Darwin, who revolutionized the scientific world with his research and theories on evolution, would be stunned by the lack of development of some of Daria's classmates.

Fandom News!

• Talk about Beavis and Butt-Head moments which foreshadowed Daria.


• What do you think of Daria-themed navigation voices?


• Two new Iron Chefs have been posted: cfardellbrenorenz29's Meeting of the Alternate Selves and waldnorm's Bojack Horseman is a Sequel to Daria and Diane is in Fact Daria.

Did Lincoln Enjoy Nachos?

Looks like George Washington is giving Abraham Lincoln a high five to celebrate the anniversary of Lincoln's election to the presidency on this day in 1860. Of course, since the two are actually personifications of a single holiday, perhaps I should say that President's Day is giving itself a high five? Man, holidays are confusing.

Today is also National Nacho Day, something that certain former associates of Daria Morgendorffer will find interesting. Of course, I'm not going to name any names here. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Fanfic Update!

• Bearing the Summer, by Lady Evil (part 13): "Jane looked at the camp schedule as she ate breakfast."


• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 54): "The start of a new week meant having to deal with coach Gibson again. And Daniel didn't like that."


• Life Goes On, by WildDogJJ (parts 10 - 12): "Helen Morgendorffer was mingling with her colleagues at the Maryland Bar Association. The occasion was a party they were throwing for her as today she was turning 65, though a few times she said she was turning 59 before correcting herself." (Part 11) (Part 12)


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Closing Walls of Schloss Morgendorffer and Casa Lane), by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "Elsie watched the angry mob forming outside Stately Sloane Manor. Well, with the way they tore down the gates, it wasn't going to be stately for long."

Four Score and Seven Goths Ago

Andrea may have a stony expression on her face right now, but only because she's made of actual stone in honor of the anniversary of the Lincoln Memorial, which was dedicated on this day in 1922. While the memorial is pretty impressive, the personification of Lincoln's birthday is not. I mean, what could the guy possibly have against sandals?

Today is also the anniversary of the day that Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in 1431. Interestingly, she was executed not for heresy or for helping Jane with an art project, but for dressing in men's clothing. I feel like the Fashion Club would have been okay with the verdict.

Fanfic Update!

• Blocked (Iron Chef: Change the Location), by sarcasticsponge (COMPLETE!): "'Now girls I understand moving to a new location is going to take some time for you to adjust to your new school' Jake Morgendorffer said to his daughters while driving them to their new school."


• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 41): "That evening a pleasant atmosphere hovered over the Morgendorffer house. Helen and especially Jake were in a good mood. This is because things were starting to go well in their new jobs."


• Daria: In Another World?, by starwater09 (part 7): "Change. Change is a factor in life that was always happening, everyday no matter how big or small there was change. Whether it be a new day, a new week or a new month, change was something that is always right around the corner."


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 39): "Erin was surprised how late it was as she hurried her way through the Friday night crowd. She wondered about food and if the girls would have already eaten and if The Blind Canary had food anyway."


• Esteem of the Cynic Chick (Iron Chef : Internet Friends), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (parts 1 and 2): "‘I have low esteem for everyone else,’ Daria thought as she entered the sanctuary that was her room, repeating what she had told her family down in the kitchen. She went to her computer and opened her email." (Part 2)


• Is It Show Time Yet?, by Lady Evil (part 2): "Daria sat in the school cafeteria going over Quinn’s letter again. She still wasn’t sure she wanted to share this with her family."


• Kevin, by elainefr (COMPLETE!): "'Why so glum chum?' 'It’s not right.' 'It’ll blow over-'"


• Red Letters, by Anonymous (COMPLETE!): "Brittany Taylor was the last person Daria had expected to see at the Scarlet Magazine offices. Well, aside from Kevin."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef : Internet Friends), by Roentgen (part 1): "Mack loved being Batman. And he was Batman. On Twitter, anyway."

Whatever You Are, Be a Goth One

Andrea is even more stone-faced than usual, but it's only because today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Of course, he now has to share a holiday with George Washington instead, which may be why he's so grumpy on Holiday Island. Let's wish the sixteenth president a happy birthday, and whatever you do don't wear sandals around him.

Fanfic Update!

• Burnt Wonderbread (Random Pairing Challenge 2020), by Zetor (COMPLETE!): "Jane didn't hate her dormmate. Usually. Marissa was pretty chill for an art history major, and never hassled her about the various projects, class assigned and not, that she brought into their small room."


• Everything to Fear But Camp Itself, by Lady Evil (part 6): "'Kinda wish I brought my phone.' Link said after a while. 'I could pass the time playing Sweetie Smash.' He smacked his head as he realized what should’ve been obvious. 'Or, duh, call someone for help!'"


• Glass Houses, by atiyatortilla (COMPLETE!): "Through everything, there’d always been lasagna."


• More Her Type (Iron Chef: Random Pairing Challenge 2019), by JoeMerl (COMPLETE!): "Timothy had never expected to fall in love with Janet. Even during their relationship he could hardly deny that it was unusual. Not bad, mind you, and much more...passionate than any of his previous experiences dating, but their eventual breakup, while painful, was not fully unexpected."


• Sunshine, by Ray by Another Name (COMPLETE!): "It was a foggy day in Boston, the air smelled vaguely of fish and the bus was - per usual - stuffed like a sardine tin."

Four Score and Seven Goths Ago

Andrea is celebrating, albeit in a very stoic style, the election of Abraham Lincoln as president of the United States. I guess it's hard to feel celebratory when the personification of your holiday is a complete douchebag. Not to mention having to share a holiday with George Washington.

Fandom News!

• Talk about bands that use Daria kind of lyrics.


• Discuss Trump's offer to send the US military into Mexico to 'wage war' on drug cartels.

Of the Goths, By the Goths, For the Goths!

Andrea's expression is even stonier than usual as she emulates the Lincoln Memorial, which was dedicated on this day in 1922. If nothing else, she looks much more dignified than the Lincoln from Holiday Island High.

Fandom News!

• abuibrahim128 talks about why Daria fandom is one of the best fanbases.


• Discuss the HBO series Chernobyl.


• Share your childhood memories in a new thread.

Are Bubbles Supposed to Come Out of the USB Port?

Jake is thrilled to report that he's all done sprucing up his laptop for Clean Out Your Computer Day, and I really hope that soap was not involved. If it was, I predict a meltdown--both technological and emotional--in the near future.

Today is also Abraham Lincoln's Birthday, so I suppose the Holiday Island President's Day will be exchanging high fives again. Any excuse to not have to share a holiday anymore, right?

If you haven't already, please cast your votes in the Daria Fanworks Awards!

Fandom News!

• Vote in the poll for Australasian fans.


• Air some dirty laundry in the Bad Media Stuff thread.


• Who is the best Daria character to pair Quinn with?


• What's the WORST TV show you've ever seen?


• Vote in the Deadliest Warrior poll between Billy The Kid and Lucky Luciano.

Honest Andrea

Andrea's looking very stately in honor of the Lincoln Memorial, which was dedicated on this day in 1922. Either she's rejected the goth lifestyle in favor of an unusual fad or she's found a clever way to get out of working at Payday.

It was also on this day in 1431 that Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. The event was remarked on by Daria and Jane in the episode "Arts 'N Crass":

Jane: You're a real Joan of Arc, you know that?

Daria: Yeah...and I think I just ordered a stake.

Fandom News!

• Pay your respects on the death of Gregg Allman of the Allman Brothers Band.


• The Sidhe shares an article about America's military contractors.


• Captain Marbles posted a new Iron Chef in Creative Writing: Mack's Dark Side.

Evolution of a President

Andrea's wishing Abraham Lincoln a happy birthday, as the famous U.S. president was born on this day in 1809. And now I'm trying to imagine how the Gettysburg Address would have gone over if Lincoln had started out by calling his audience rotting bags of flesh.

Sharing a birthday with Lincoln, even down to the same year, is Charles Darwin, and in honor of the naturalist who shaped the theory of evolution we celebrate Darwin Day today as well!

Fanfic Update!

• Butt Frenzy (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: The Madness Sets In), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Daria looked up from her copy of Butt Frenzy and saw what was causing all the noise."


• Daria: College Pains The Sophomore Year, by James the Lesser (part 3): "Daria wakes up in the back of her car. She is curled up with Conner. 'Ow.' Her back and neck hurt after sleeping in an uncomfortable position the whole night. She has a headache, a clear sign of her hangover."


• Daria on the Sideline, by dmsfanman (part 8): "Daria walked into the classroom – her classroom – and looked at all of her freshmen."


• A Day at the Zoo, by piratecaptainatheart (COMPLETE!): "Daria thought it would just be a normal, quiet day in her padded cell of a bedroom; watching Sick Sad World re-runs, trying to block out the sound of her sister's Fashion Club meeting and generally just avoiding doing any of her Summer college work, but everything changed when the doorbell rang."


• Going Home, by ablackberrywinter (COMPLETE!): "'I can't believe I let Jane talk me into this.' Daria mumbled to herself. At twenty-eight years old, Daria felt that she couldn't be coerced by anyone in this world. Anyone except for Jane Lane, of course."


• Mack of All Trades, by Kristen Bealer (part 1): "'It's just your middle name, so no one even has to know.' 'I'll know,' Mack argued, slouching forward and crossing his arms as they sat on his front porch. His life was totally ruined at the tender age of twelve, and it was all his dad's fault."


• Spirit Stick, by Brother Grimace (part 16): "'Excuse me. We're still here.' The Ringbearers turned back; they had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed at forgetting that they were in the company of survivors of that world's Reanimate crisis."


• Stillborn, by Katin (COMPLETE!): "Jane was extra oxygen in a coffin. "Was" being operative. Daria breathed her in too quickly and now she's gone. Daria was suffocating without her."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: The Madness Sets In), by Silver (COMPLETE!): "The group sitting around the table just stared. And stared. And stared. After nearly three minutes of dumbfounded silence, Tom broke the silence."

Whatever You Do, Don't Wear Sandals Around Him

Andrea is looking very statuesque (ha, ha) because today is the anniversary of the day the Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in 1922. We could go ask Brittany about how Lincoln died, but I'd prefer to keep my sanity in one piece, thank you.

It was also on this day in 1911 that the first Indianapolis 500 was run. This is an important fact for Future Stacy who, according to the end credits of Is It College Yet?, will one day be a race car driver.

Fanfic Update!

• Cassaoke (1,001 Deaths of Tom Sloane - Part III), by ognawk (COMPLETE!): "Tom parked his Jaguar on the kerb just outside his destination. He looked at the house and got out of the car, making his way to the front door. Almost as soon as he rang the doorbell, the door swung open and he saw the familiar red hair and glasses of Cassidy Hemming in front of him, an excited looking grin on her face."


• Daria: College Pains Redux, by James the Lesser (parts 8 and 9): "On Saturday morning Daria wakes up. 'I'm on my floor, why?' Daria sits up and feels her head pounding. 'Damn, drinking, what the hell was I thinking?'" (Part 9)


• The Fall Before The Pride (Ideas!), by Princess_Pasta (COMPLETE!): "'My dear Pope, you must be mistaken.' --- wiped his wire-rimmed glasses with a cleaning cloth while Tom Sloane reclined in a leather armchair. 'I'm serious, Pat, ---.' The name alone was enough to sour Tom's mood."


• Jane's Body, by Princess-Pasta (COMPLETE!): "The road sign leading to the small, rural community was more of a running gag to Daria Morgendorffer than an invitation to the nonexistent tourists. It made the town sound evil and scary or at least like it had some interesting history...which it didn't."


• Jane's Tangle, by Snow-Kitty (part 1): "Anthony DeMartino stared despondently into the glass of eight-year-old scotch sitting in front of him, his head slumped in misery as he contemplated the events of that day. It had been his third week as acting principal of Lawndale High School, and the public education system had already been made a mockery of at his fist board meeting for the term."


• Line Up (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: No longer in the 1%), by ognawk (COMPLETE!): "Leaving the house, Daria made her way to Casa Lane. She got to the front door and knocked, but got no answer. She could faintly hear music coming from inside the house, so decided to let herself in. Once inside, she could hear the music more clearly and was confused."


• The Machine, by DIsaac and Excellent S (part 2): "Griffin: Before I begin, you may notice that Tiffany and Tori are not with me. Reason is because... what I'm about to say is very personal."


• Oh, Danny Boy, by Indigo (part 3): "'Low self-esteem is a terrible thing to deal with so it is a good thing that I don't have it. What I do have is low esteem for any female that thinks that she can use me in her little schemes to get to my brother Danny. Oh and just to let you know ladies, he feels the same way about that'"


• Star Trek: Daria - Resurrection, by echopapa (parts 6 and 7): "Captain Jean-Luc Picard was a slim man of medium height. He was balding, (very), with a thin fringe of white hair around the back of his head. He wore a red tunic with four pips on the collar. 'Allow me,' he said with a rich, cultured British accent, shaking Daria's hand, his eyes shining with friendliness. 'I am sorry that duty has kept me from making your acquaintance until now.'" (Part 7)


• Unnamed story ([Iron Chef – Round Robin – Free For All] Time Loops), by Wraith (part 18): "Daria gestured. Against one wall was a monstrosity of pipes, pressure chambers, tubing, valves and nozzles. Jane blinked. 'I didn't know you were taking up modern art.'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: No longer in the 1%), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "AUSTIN - Backed by a costumed paramilitary armed with home-made weaponry, the gang leader Daria Morgendorffer has toppled police stations and government buildings across Highland County, Texas. The National Guard is mobilising to..."

But Could Lincoln Write Poetry about Rotting Bags of Flesh?

Andrea gets center stage for the second time in a row because we're celebrating Abraham Lincoln's birthday. The well-known president was born on this day in 1809, and according to "Depth Takes a Holiday" he wasn't a big fan of sandals. We also know that Brittany is a little unclear on the circumstances of his assassination:

Daria: I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln, after she went crazy.

Brittany: I didn't know she went crazy.

Jane: Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.

Brittany: Wow!

Jodie: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish our fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.

Fandom News!

• Reese Kaine requests a way to link to Twitter posts.


• Silver muses about gonzo journalism.


• Talk about the movies The Lego Movie and Zombeavers in the Weapons of Mass Distraction forum.


• Post clips of music worse than Mystik Spiral's, and see others' choices as well.


• Roentgen posted a new Iron Chef in Creative Writing: Fashion Club Fandom.

After Twenty-Two THANKLESS Years!

Today is Ex Spouse Day, and I see Ms. Barch is already celebrating. Let's just leave her to it, out of range of any flying debris, shall we?

It was also on this day in 1865 that Abraham Lincoln was shot, but Brittany's still not sure whether or not the bullet killed him. Give Jodie a little more time--she's still trying to explain it.

Finally, this is the anniversary of both "The Lab Brat" (from which that image of Barch was taken) and "Of Human Bonding" in 1997 and 2000. One episode featured a traumatized mouse while the other featured Helen traumatizing Quinn in front of her friends. And a good time was had by all.

Fandom News!

• Alvious has a question for the Grammar Police.


• Are the Lawndale Lions crap? See Charles RB's thoughts on the subject.


• Is this for real, or is it a prank? Doggieboy shares a job ad that makes him wonder.


• PrecambrianStudios posted a new Iron Chef in Creative Writing: (Insert Character Here) Meets (Insert Author Here).

"Don't just stand there, handsome. Hold onto my waist."

On this day in 1912, the Titanic struck that infamous iceberg. It would sink early the following day. On the right, Mr. O'Neill and DeeDee recreate the well-known scene from the movie, shortly before DeeDee hits the water courtesy of Ms. Barch. I notice O'Neill's left hand is creeping into dangerous territory, but DeeDee doesn't appear to mind.

Also on this day, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 1865. Try not to talk about it too much around Brittany, though, until Jodie has a chance to break it to her gently:

Jodie: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish our fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.

Brittany: You mean the bullet didn't kill him?

New Fanfic!

• Alternate Universe: What the fuck? 2 (AUs, Brain Farts and other stuff), by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "'We're not here to win, we're just here to have a good time and show the audience our great talent.' Everyone looked at Ted, who smiled at them with nearly sparkling teeth and shining optimism. But it could also be the weed, no one really knows. 'Ted', grumbled Joey, shoving a long hairstreak out of his face. 'Yes?' 'Stop sounding like a hippie, okay?' 'Okay.'"


• Behind the Iron Curtain, by Temppeli (part 4): "'There is only one place nearby that needs more workforce than it has inhabitants. The heart of our nation: Moscow,' answered Darya. 'That was an excellent answer, Darya. It's a great representation of the natural behavior of traffic. And actually, it's a place which is commutable on school days, and would make for an excellent field trip. We're going to Moscow next Friday...'"


• Esteemster Series, by TheExcellentS (part 3): "O'Neill: 'Cindy Brolsma showing no shortage of self-confidence as she heads for her first major PPV bout, Janet.' Barch: 'That's all well and good, but she may be tempting fate by taking this match tonight. Sandi Griffin is hard enough to fight when she's in a good mood, let alone in a bad one.'"


• Fugitive Chapter 8: Grunge, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "Instead of answering did “Captain Jim Brass” just smile, before he was engulfed in a blueish energy and his appearance was another from one minute to the next. His green lenses glowed in the darkness and his body seemed to be one with the darkness around him. A whole minute the two just sat there and stared at each other, before he began talking. His voice was harsh, sore and throaty, like he hasn't used it for a very long time. 'Alexey Borisowitsch Ulanow.' 'Small Joe.' The two glared at each other. Then, they exploded into movement."


• The Girl In Question, by Silver (part 6): "The only tree for what seemed like miles. The world was vast to a girl her age. On the tree was the only swing for what seemed like miles, as well. She used it often, to get away from the arguments of her parents. It was just such an incident when her father approached her."


• The James Lane Chronicles Chapter 6, by InvisibleDan (part 2): "James went up the stairs and saw Daria's door was still open. He knocked before he went in anyway. Not hearing an answer, he tiptoed in and saw Daria lying in bed, her arm over the side. The book she was reading earlier was on the floor. 'Hey, what's wrong?' he said. She looked up at him and stared blankly. 'Nothing.' 'Yeah, right. You wouldn't leave a slice of pizza unfinished unless you had an intestinal parasite gnawing at your guts or something.'"


• Just Remain Calm, by ash_blackfire (part 1): "Helen thought that something that would help her. Something to get her mind to focus and expand at the same time. She put her into a martial arts class. What Helen and Jake both found out was a surprise. With in the first 6 months of class she was able to make it to black belt!"


• Life After Highland Ch. 1: Rush This!, by LadieT (part 1): "'Quinn and I fought all the time growing up, until dad had his heart attack. It scared both of us and we started to lean on each other for support. Then, when he passed away, I fell apart. I almost dropped out of college. I even refused to see Amelia or Steven. Quinn had to pull me up off the floor, literally, dust me off and get me to care about anything again. So, I owe her at least the party attendances.'"


• LLH Alternate Future - 08 - Get Real, by psychotol (part 5): "'Everyone, we need to get this Daria back in time with minimum conversation,' said Jodie. 'Why?' asked Brittany. 'Because careless talk around time travellers costs timeline integrity,' said Daria. 'Huh?' asked Brittany. 'It’s a perfectly good way to get stuck in a causality loop my friend,' said Daria. 'Huh?' 'L- ... Never mind, just get me back to when I came.'"


• My Best Friend, by Smijey: "On the fourth day, as I walked home from school, the Tank pulled up next to me and I almost lost control of my bladder as Trent leaned out the window. 'Hey, Daria,' he said, a shark's grin on his face. 'Janey and I are heading up to Swedesville for Alternapalooza, and she's just dying to have you come.' He roared with laughter at his attempt at witty banter."


• Oak Heaven (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Tiffany walked down the hall, a confused look on her face. She had heard something unusual in the bathroom, and didn't know what to make of it. She soon noticed Quinn talking to a boy, and smiled, because Quinn might know what it was she had heard. 'Hey, Quinn,' she said in her usual drawl. 'Do you know what Oak Heaven is?'"


• Promises, by LadieT (part 15): "Jake and Helen looked over at Daria and Jane and asked if they wanted to go together. Daria and Jane agreed. Daria knelt down in front of her niece. 'Are you sure you want to do this Cleo?' The five-year-old looked at her aunt with sad eyes. 'I want to say goodbye to my daddy.'"


• Red Leaves (You Finish the Story), by ninetwelve (part 1): "It was only Daria who noticed the way in which the house seemed to bend physics. Bend perception. But for the first year she didn't let herself think it. In an oblique, peripheral way she was aware it was all wrong. Terribly wrong. But she never said anything, never even let herself think about it. In her mind it was like the fear of cancer with each drag with a cigarette."


• Remembrance, by HolyGrail2007 (part 7): "After a very light sleep, Kim was ready to head back to work. She knew this would take a lot of work, and it excited her. This was more than just a simple murder: If it was simple evidence that needed to be looked at, the Sheriff Maverick could handle that herself. It was this unknown subject that warranted her attention, and where she needed to focus her attention."


• Rude Awakening Episode 3: Drive, by DIsaac (parts 1 and 2): "JANE: You know, amiga, this was your idea of hell back in high school; you and two of the former 'Fashion Club' elites in the same place at the same time and you can't escape them either. DARIA: And it’s still my idea of hell, but I went and said to myself, if I'm going to hell for some of the things I've done on this show - I might as well do a down payment now." (Part 2)


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "'The last straw? Well, what did it for me was when my daughter came over to me and asked if she could go to a raw meat cannibal sleepover on the weekend. I told her we don't eat strange uncooked people, no matter how good they look as sushi. I mean, you don't know where they've been, or what they've been into. And then, there's her boyfriend. Don't get me started on him. Or on his crazy aunt who wanted to adopt and blew her inheritance on a Justin Bieber clone...' Click."


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "I re-read the poem twice more, though calling it that is rather generous on my part. Rhyming 'breath' with 'wealth'? Changing tenses in the fourth verse? Who does that? And for another thing . . . I don't like it. I just don't like it at all. There's something about it that's making my skin crawl, and it's not just professional offense or general creepiness. It's almost as if . . ." (New part)


• Something Like Regret, by thatLONERchick: "'I didn't just come to bring you your cake, kiddo.' He glanced at Jane. 'Or meet the friend your nurse told me about. I wanted to ask you if you'd consider...' He cleared his throat, fighting sudden emotion. 'Well, if you'd like to come home.' Daria stared at him, all astonishment, and Jane dropped her head. Her eyes found the slice of birthday cake Jake had so thoughtfully brought for her, and Jane flicked out a long finger, collected a blob of whipped cream and brought it to her mouth. She licked it away, slowly, barely tasting it, and waited for Daria to say she would be leaving." (New part)


• Two Girls, a Guy and a Pizza Place, by TheExcellentS (part 2): "'It's nothing,' said Daria as she shifted awkwardly, 'I think Jodie Landon already owns a resort in Las Vegas.' 'I heard about that place on the news,' said Jane, 'Isn't that where the white tigers force the humans to do tricks for a paying audience?' 'You sure that was the news you were watching?'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria Inspired by Different Movies), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Open the door!' Daria begged. 'Please-! Open it!' 'No - he'll get in!' Sandi said, her eyes going wide. 'You're a brain - you can find someplace else!' Tiffany's eyes actually went wide as she looked to the other side of the street. 'Here... he... comes...!' A hiss that seemed to fill the night erupted from far behind Daria; she grimaced at the fleshy smack of an officer's severed torso hit the pavement - and went pale as the creature fixed its eyes upon her."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria leaves the Show), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane were walking to school, as was their wont. 'Did you study for your math test?' Jane asked, hoping to bum some notes off her amiga. 'I have to go now,' Daria replied, in a fake voice. 'My planet needs me.'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'I couldn’t have gained such a powerful image of myself without all of those who helped me. Most important, I’d like to thank my little brother, Finn Morgandorffer, who told me that I am great just the way I am. Where are you, little bro? Stand up and let everyone see who the real inspiration is!'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "I lean back against the wall, slide down to the floor, and bury my face in my hands as I begin to cry."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "I suddenly run up against a brick wall. Quite literally, a brick wall stopping any progress beyond the fifth step. I slam against it with my shoulder in frustration, then jump back down and swing around to go down instead. I can hear scratching and scrabbling just outside the door now, but apparently the demon squirrels don't know how to properly use a doorknob."


• Whatever It Is, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "JANE: If you wanna make a friend, try Jake. QUINN: Only if you like stories about Mad Dog and Ellenbogen... JANE (shrugging): As long as you can play 'What’s that over there?' you’re fine."

Four Score and Curious George

Today is a big day for historic birthdays! Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln were both born on February 12th in 1809--same day, same year.

Darwin is known for putting forth the theories of evolution and natural selection, as described in his most famous work, On the Origin of Species. He's also known from this exchange in the Daria episode "The Old and the Beautiful":

Mr. DeMartino: And so, the Democratic Party came to be associated with the "welfare state," and the Republican Party with a more Darwinian approach. Which do you favor? Kevin!

Kevin: Darwin's the monkey guy, right? I like monkeys.

Mr. DeMartino: A statement no doubt once also made by your mother!

Kevin really is a fan of Charles Darwin, though, because "when Curious George gets in trouble, he always lets him slide."

Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, is one of the country's most famous and beloved leaders. His most famous act as President was the Emancipation Proclamation, but in "I Don't" the circumstances of his assassination takes center stage:

Daria: I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln, after she went crazy.

Brittany: I didn't know she went crazy.

Jane: Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.

Brittany: Wow!

Jodie: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish our fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.

Brittany: You mean the bullet didn't kill him?

Fanfic Update!

• Bad Times, by Hyrin (parts 1 - 3): "'The Spiral is off tonight. Max has a temp job with a construction crew, its Nick's weekend with his daughter, and we couldn't scrape up bail for Jesse. Possession is starting to become a big deal again. Trent is doing a solo show, and he says he has a new song he wrote for a special girl,' Jane said, no longer able to keep the smile off her face." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Conflict of Shadows (IRON CHEF - Worldburner: Judith vs. Jim Vitale!), by Ray (COMPLETE!): "'Very nice.' She tilted the glass, downing the remaining contents with a pleased shudder. She set the glass down, then wreathed her body in flames. 'But I’m in something of a rush, so let’s get down to business. I have a universe to burn.' Jim took another gradual sip, enjoying the liquid while waving an admonishing finger. 'That's your problem, you know. You've been in such a rush, you've gotten sloppy about certain things.' "


• Crazy Punk-Self-Insert, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "Ever read one of this stupid self-insert Mary Sue stories written by some hormonally challenged teenage girl? Yeah, me too. I don't like them, never had. Doesn't stop me from writing one myself. The only difference is, this one's true. Yep, it is."


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "Kim Probable: Do I have to spell it out for you? Daria killed every one of these celebrities to bring attention to herself and garner votes for the 2010 Bootie Awards, just like she went down to Hell last year to retrieve you, Raven. Daria: I would never kill anyone . . . except for those two grifters hitchhiking outside of Indianapolis, but that was years ago." (Continued here)


• D'rea's Mission (Iron Chef: Mary Sue), by rglovejoy: "Subcommander D'rea read the letter for the third time, trying to tease out the deeper meaning of the words. There was no other way to interpret them except on face value: her tenure at the Vulcan Science Academy was to be interrupted, and the High Command was assigning her to oversee the first mission of the Humans' newest starship, the NX-01 Enterprise."


• Fugitive Chapter 8: Grunge, by Wassersauefer (part 1): "She did not know it, but the designer of the Shinobi battle suit had a few things in mind while working on the project: 1.Efficiency 2.Intimidation 3.Efficiency 4.Patriotism 5.Impressing the cute lab assistant from down the hall He had succeeded in every respect. (They married three month later. He and the lab assistant, not the suit.)"


• God Save The Esteem Ep21: Good Sports, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Daria stared at the bowl of cereal like a Pope who'd gone to Amsterdam's red-light district by mistake. 'Dad, this is healthy. Are you feeling alright?' 'As responsible parents, we care about our beloved daughter's health and daily nutrition!' 'You've made Dad sell out, Daria!' spat Quinn, thumping the table. “SELL OUT!'" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


• The Greatest of News (Cheer Chef!), by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "'Helen - mother is dead.' Rita said sadly; tears stained her cheeks. 'Mother's dead.' Helen stated with shock. 'Rita does this mean-' 'Yes-' 'You've finally off'd the bitch!' Helen said gleefully."


• Holiday Roadtrip, by Chris Tucker: "As they passed the border between Rhode Island and Massachusetts, Jane called out, 'Home stretch, ladies! We'll be in Boston inside of an hour. If you gotta go, well, you got empty coffee cups or you hold it until we hit BFAC, 'cause I ain't stopping until I park this thing in front of my dorm!'"


• The Latest Fashion, by Jim North (part 1): "Quinn shrugged at Sandi, unsure of how to continue. They tried their best to keep their gaze level. They shuffled their feet. They wrung their hands behind their backs. 'Tiffany dear, are-' 'Oh my God, you're NAKED!' Stacy screamed at the top of her lungs, causing Sandi and Quinn to clamp their hands over their ears."


• Lawndale Seven Chapter One, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "Captain Jake Morgendorffer was considered to be a slightly crazy, ranting and unpopular officer. The Admirality of the eight fleet did clearly not like him, or they would have given him another command. Not on some old, outdated ship on the border to wildspace on patrol duty, looking for any signs of trouble. Sitting in his commando chair the captain gripped the handles of his chair and clenched the teeth together. The whole vessel was shaking under the steady fire of the attacking Hopp-Raiders, the shield fluctuating. 'Stupid squirreld headed Morons!! You think this will break me old man?!! HUH?!!! I'LL SHOW YOU!!! GOOD OL' JAKEY ISN'T YET READY TO GO!!!'"


• Life As We View It, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "DARIA (Thought VO): Alright Morgendorffer, stay calm. You're in Trent's bed, no big deal. (There's a light snore from behind her, Daria blinks.) You're in Trent's bed and you're not alone (Bt) Okay, still no reason to panic. (The blankets suddenly shift behind her and we see an arm drape over her. Daria's eyes widen) DARIA (Thought VO): You're in Trent's bed and there is someone cuddling with you. (Bt) Now might be the time to panic."


• Life Beyond Highland (Iron Chef: Lawndale State), by LadieT (part 16): "A couple of moments later, Daria thought she heard someone call her name. Daria and Jane stopped and turned around to see Brittany trying to catch up to them. Jane began to walk away, only to have her progress stalled by Daria. 'Umm, Daria, Jane - the Kappa Kappa Gammas are throwing their first party of the year this Friday and I was wondering if you would like to attend,' Brittany said."


• Literal Interpretation (IRON CHEF - Worldburner: Judith vs. Jim Vitale!), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Judith entered the ornate office singing the obvious tune, slightly off-key, 'Well, it's bad, bad LeRoy Vitale.' Calm, Jim Vitale rose and said, 'A joy to finally meet you, Judith Morgendorffer. Please, have seat.'"


• The Long, Dark Break-Time (IRON CHEF - Worldburner: Judith vs. Jim Vitale!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "The two forces studied each other, looking for weak points. Bastards both, horrors to countless worlds, calculating whether it was worth cutting loose."


• The Newest Addition (Cheer Chef!), by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "Summer, Jane, and Wind were sitting on the giant couch in the basement. Jane was constantly looking back at the clock and was tapping her foot. Summer stared at her little sister in amusement. 'With the way you are acting, people would think that you are the one getting married,' Summer smirked."


• Oh, By The Way, by RLobinske (part 6): "Tess approached Daria and said, 'What do you think about your sister having a child?' 'I think that she'll be a good mother,' Daria said. 'That still doesn't change my mind about having one.' 'I suppose I'll have to be happy with one great-grandchild.' 'Guilt isn't going to work. Grandma, a couple should only have a child if they want one. Any other reason shortchanges the child.'"


• Only a Study Session (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Checking the address on a slip of paper, Raft student Daria Morgendorffer looked up at the brownstone building. 'This looks like the place.' Double-checking the pepper spray in her pocke, she thought, He seems nice enough, but you can't be too careful." (Part 2)


• Quinn's Code - Story 1: The Esteemsters Code, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 8): "Unknown to Quinn and Jenna, Stacy Rowe had overheard them from her locker. 'The Anime Club. If Sandi wasn't such a hardcase about things, I would have joined a few weeks ago,' she thought. She closed her locker and headed to the bathroom where Sandi and Tiffany were waiting for her."


• The Road Not Taken By a Sloane (Iron Chef: No Bromwell For Tom), by Cap (COMPLETE!): "'What's wrong, Tom?' she asked in genuine concern. He stayed silent for several moments before finally sighing. 'A little brouhaha at home this morning.' 'Oh?' 'I told my parents that I'm not going to Bromwell,' Tom said brusquely after a moment."


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "Daria asked: 'Just how bad was it?' 'She told me he was super hot. In reality, he was a super gafone.' 'That bad, huh?' 'Yeah, It's typical, though. It's like I ask them for a map of New Jersey and they hand me a sheet of used toilet paper.'"


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "The paranoia I was feeling back in David's haven comes back full force, and this time I have no conflicts with it. The phone's warnings begin to fluctuate a little, getting stronger and weaker in turns broken by brief periods where they remain moderate but steady. Whatever this thing is, I think it's checking me out. Testing my reactions. Hunting me. But there's nothing there, just fog fog fog and more fog. I'm missing something. I'm- LOOK UP."


• Second Glance, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "DARIA (sighing): Maybe I'll- JANE: Oh no, you're not heading to your parents. You're just gonna have to suck it up Morgendorffer. I am not gonna have my best friend and my brother avoiding each other like the plague over a little kiss. Now in five years or so, if you're avoiding each other because of restraining orders or child support, I'll adjust."


• Spirit of the Game, Nature of the Beast, by HolyGrail2007 (parts 21 - 23): "It wasn't too hard to find Christine, the shrieking made it very easy. Elsie found her standing in front of the safe that she had put those diamond earrings in, the one she bragged about immensely. The perfect thing to steal. 'Christine? I've heard shouting.' Elsie came over with a fake look of concern on her face. 'They're gone! My earrings! I've been robbed!' She shrieked and sobbed." (Part 22) (Part 23)


• Unnamed story (Cheer Chef!), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Ignoring the cries of her baby brother Evan, Jodie lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling in hopes of calming herself enough to make the upcoming car ride with her dad tolerable. Another day at the Congressman's office, and without Mack, she sighed to herself. Just as she was getting up to go meet her father, his screams lit up the house."


• Unnamed story (Cheer Chef!), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): "A tear fell down Sandi's cheek as she hugged her brother Sam. Words failed her at this moment of happiness and relief." (RLobinske's alternate ending)

Four Score and Three Missing Links Ago...

Hard to believe that Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin were born on the same day in the same year. On the 201st anniversary of their birth, we give three cheers for them both. And today is also National Freedom to Marry Day, for everyone who loves slash but in real life instead of fanfiction.

Big fanfiction update coming this weekend. Also Valentine's Day, last chance to get a present for you-know-who. Which reminds me...

At Least He Wasn't Named After Marmaduke

James A. Garfield, who overcame the handicap of being named after a fat orange comic-strip cat to become President of the U.S.A. in the late 1800s, was born a long time ago today in the early 1800s. We mention him here only because the Sick, Sad Life Planner had a comment from Jane Lane about President Garfield, and we are proud to bring you Jane's comment in its entirety. Quinn Morgendorffer, on the other hand, prefers to offer her thoughts about Calvin Klein, who was also born on this day but not such a long time ago.

Oh, and the Gettysburg Address is now 146 years old.

And even more importantly, this is Daria Morgendorffer's birthday according to some mythologies. Let's see, if she was 19 in 1999, she's 29 today. Party on!

Aaaaand this is International Men's Day. Who thought that up? Heck, every day is International Men's Day! I mean, seriously.

Vlora has posted a link to her Daria art. Wow! Thanks! And Pinkminx needs your vote to decide which story she should finish first. What are the other writers doing? Click and see.

Been There, Done That, Got the T-Shirt

Today is the feast day for Saint Joan of Arc, but we've already discussed Ms. Arc's trouble-filled rise to sainthood in an earlier posting. Today is also the anniversary of the first running of the Indianapolis 500, but we've already covered the Indy here, and we've also shown a picture of Andrea as the statue of Lincoln in the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., which was dedicated long ago on this day.

Today is the birthday of M. J. Pollard! Oh, wait. That's Michael Pollard, the actor, not the renown webmaster of Outpost Daria, Martin Pollard. Rats. Skip that.

Ah, here we go! Mel Blanc was born long ago today. He provided the voices of many many many many many Warner Brothers cartoon characters, plus Woody Woodpecker, also already discussed . . but not Daria. Damn.

Sorry, there isn't anything Daria-ish about today. Maybe someone else knows of something so I have something less bogus to post next year at this time. Have your people call my people.

Lincoln, Lincoln, I Been Thinkin'...

• Brittany: Are you in a play or something?
• Daria: Yes. I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln, after she went crazy.
• Brittany: I didn't know she went crazy.
• Jane: Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.
• Brittany: Wow!
• Jodie: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish outfitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.
• Brittany: You mean the bullet didn't kill him?

.......from "I Don't"

Happy birthday, Abe. You done good. And so have the Daria fans.


FF.Net

• Her Web of Sin, by Molekiller: A beautiful woman from Trent's past drops by to have a little talk and play a little game. A tale possibly suggested by this.

SFMB

• Darkly Daria, by lsauchelli (Parts 2 and 3): A mask is always helpful when stalking prey.
• A Little Vacation, by Doggieboy (Part 7): Bang bang, you're still dead.

PPMB

• Darkly Daria, by LSauchelli (Part 3).
• Falling Into College 61: Latitudes, by Richard Lobinske (Part 14): Everyone does what they do best: the women talk weddings while the men get stone drunk. The sharks sense blood and close in.
• Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: Dawn of a New Horror: NightGoblyn offers an alternate chapter to Richard Lobinske's Falling Into College. Not a funny ficlet, but a good one!
• The 1,001 Deaths of Tom Sloane: This is getting way too good. Some of these almost did me in.

and a special art surprise from Hershey-chan: Hey, thanks. <33

UU suggested I write something about Mystik Spiral, and Brother Grimace suggested something about "Pinch Sitter," so let's see what we get tomorrow. . . .