"Don't just stand there, handsome. Hold onto my waist."

On this day in 1912, the Titanic struck that infamous iceberg. It would sink early the following day. On the right, Mr. O'Neill and DeeDee recreate the well-known scene from the movie, shortly before DeeDee hits the water courtesy of Ms. Barch. I notice O'Neill's left hand is creeping into dangerous territory, but DeeDee doesn't appear to mind.

Also on this day, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 1865. Try not to talk about it too much around Brittany, though, until Jodie has a chance to break it to her gently:

Jodie: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish our fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.

Brittany: You mean the bullet didn't kill him?

New Fanfic!

• Alternate Universe: What the fuck? 2 (AUs, Brain Farts and other stuff), by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "'We're not here to win, we're just here to have a good time and show the audience our great talent.' Everyone looked at Ted, who smiled at them with nearly sparkling teeth and shining optimism. But it could also be the weed, no one really knows. 'Ted', grumbled Joey, shoving a long hairstreak out of his face. 'Yes?' 'Stop sounding like a hippie, okay?' 'Okay.'"


• Behind the Iron Curtain, by Temppeli (part 4): "'There is only one place nearby that needs more workforce than it has inhabitants. The heart of our nation: Moscow,' answered Darya. 'That was an excellent answer, Darya. It's a great representation of the natural behavior of traffic. And actually, it's a place which is commutable on school days, and would make for an excellent field trip. We're going to Moscow next Friday...'"


• Esteemster Series, by TheExcellentS (part 3): "O'Neill: 'Cindy Brolsma showing no shortage of self-confidence as she heads for her first major PPV bout, Janet.' Barch: 'That's all well and good, but she may be tempting fate by taking this match tonight. Sandi Griffin is hard enough to fight when she's in a good mood, let alone in a bad one.'"


• Fugitive Chapter 8: Grunge, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "Instead of answering did “Captain Jim Brass” just smile, before he was engulfed in a blueish energy and his appearance was another from one minute to the next. His green lenses glowed in the darkness and his body seemed to be one with the darkness around him. A whole minute the two just sat there and stared at each other, before he began talking. His voice was harsh, sore and throaty, like he hasn't used it for a very long time. 'Alexey Borisowitsch Ulanow.' 'Small Joe.' The two glared at each other. Then, they exploded into movement."


• The Girl In Question, by Silver (part 6): "The only tree for what seemed like miles. The world was vast to a girl her age. On the tree was the only swing for what seemed like miles, as well. She used it often, to get away from the arguments of her parents. It was just such an incident when her father approached her."


• The James Lane Chronicles Chapter 6, by InvisibleDan (part 2): "James went up the stairs and saw Daria's door was still open. He knocked before he went in anyway. Not hearing an answer, he tiptoed in and saw Daria lying in bed, her arm over the side. The book she was reading earlier was on the floor. 'Hey, what's wrong?' he said. She looked up at him and stared blankly. 'Nothing.' 'Yeah, right. You wouldn't leave a slice of pizza unfinished unless you had an intestinal parasite gnawing at your guts or something.'"


• Just Remain Calm, by ash_blackfire (part 1): "Helen thought that something that would help her. Something to get her mind to focus and expand at the same time. She put her into a martial arts class. What Helen and Jake both found out was a surprise. With in the first 6 months of class she was able to make it to black belt!"


• Life After Highland Ch. 1: Rush This!, by LadieT (part 1): "'Quinn and I fought all the time growing up, until dad had his heart attack. It scared both of us and we started to lean on each other for support. Then, when he passed away, I fell apart. I almost dropped out of college. I even refused to see Amelia or Steven. Quinn had to pull me up off the floor, literally, dust me off and get me to care about anything again. So, I owe her at least the party attendances.'"


• LLH Alternate Future - 08 - Get Real, by psychotol (part 5): "'Everyone, we need to get this Daria back in time with minimum conversation,' said Jodie. 'Why?' asked Brittany. 'Because careless talk around time travellers costs timeline integrity,' said Daria. 'Huh?' asked Brittany. 'It’s a perfectly good way to get stuck in a causality loop my friend,' said Daria. 'Huh?' 'L- ... Never mind, just get me back to when I came.'"


• My Best Friend, by Smijey: "On the fourth day, as I walked home from school, the Tank pulled up next to me and I almost lost control of my bladder as Trent leaned out the window. 'Hey, Daria,' he said, a shark's grin on his face. 'Janey and I are heading up to Swedesville for Alternapalooza, and she's just dying to have you come.' He roared with laughter at his attempt at witty banter."


• Oak Heaven (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Tiffany walked down the hall, a confused look on her face. She had heard something unusual in the bathroom, and didn't know what to make of it. She soon noticed Quinn talking to a boy, and smiled, because Quinn might know what it was she had heard. 'Hey, Quinn,' she said in her usual drawl. 'Do you know what Oak Heaven is?'"


• Promises, by LadieT (part 15): "Jake and Helen looked over at Daria and Jane and asked if they wanted to go together. Daria and Jane agreed. Daria knelt down in front of her niece. 'Are you sure you want to do this Cleo?' The five-year-old looked at her aunt with sad eyes. 'I want to say goodbye to my daddy.'"


• Red Leaves (You Finish the Story), by ninetwelve (part 1): "It was only Daria who noticed the way in which the house seemed to bend physics. Bend perception. But for the first year she didn't let herself think it. In an oblique, peripheral way she was aware it was all wrong. Terribly wrong. But she never said anything, never even let herself think about it. In her mind it was like the fear of cancer with each drag with a cigarette."


• Remembrance, by HolyGrail2007 (part 7): "After a very light sleep, Kim was ready to head back to work. She knew this would take a lot of work, and it excited her. This was more than just a simple murder: If it was simple evidence that needed to be looked at, the Sheriff Maverick could handle that herself. It was this unknown subject that warranted her attention, and where she needed to focus her attention."


• Rude Awakening Episode 3: Drive, by DIsaac (parts 1 and 2): "JANE: You know, amiga, this was your idea of hell back in high school; you and two of the former 'Fashion Club' elites in the same place at the same time and you can't escape them either. DARIA: And it’s still my idea of hell, but I went and said to myself, if I'm going to hell for some of the things I've done on this show - I might as well do a down payment now." (Part 2)


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "'The last straw? Well, what did it for me was when my daughter came over to me and asked if she could go to a raw meat cannibal sleepover on the weekend. I told her we don't eat strange uncooked people, no matter how good they look as sushi. I mean, you don't know where they've been, or what they've been into. And then, there's her boyfriend. Don't get me started on him. Or on his crazy aunt who wanted to adopt and blew her inheritance on a Justin Bieber clone...' Click."


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "I re-read the poem twice more, though calling it that is rather generous on my part. Rhyming 'breath' with 'wealth'? Changing tenses in the fourth verse? Who does that? And for another thing . . . I don't like it. I just don't like it at all. There's something about it that's making my skin crawl, and it's not just professional offense or general creepiness. It's almost as if . . ." (New part)


• Something Like Regret, by thatLONERchick: "'I didn't just come to bring you your cake, kiddo.' He glanced at Jane. 'Or meet the friend your nurse told me about. I wanted to ask you if you'd consider...' He cleared his throat, fighting sudden emotion. 'Well, if you'd like to come home.' Daria stared at him, all astonishment, and Jane dropped her head. Her eyes found the slice of birthday cake Jake had so thoughtfully brought for her, and Jane flicked out a long finger, collected a blob of whipped cream and brought it to her mouth. She licked it away, slowly, barely tasting it, and waited for Daria to say she would be leaving." (New part)


• Two Girls, a Guy and a Pizza Place, by TheExcellentS (part 2): "'It's nothing,' said Daria as she shifted awkwardly, 'I think Jodie Landon already owns a resort in Las Vegas.' 'I heard about that place on the news,' said Jane, 'Isn't that where the white tigers force the humans to do tricks for a paying audience?' 'You sure that was the news you were watching?'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria Inspired by Different Movies), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Open the door!' Daria begged. 'Please-! Open it!' 'No - he'll get in!' Sandi said, her eyes going wide. 'You're a brain - you can find someplace else!' Tiffany's eyes actually went wide as she looked to the other side of the street. 'Here... he... comes...!' A hiss that seemed to fill the night erupted from far behind Daria; she grimaced at the fleshy smack of an officer's severed torso hit the pavement - and went pale as the creature fixed its eyes upon her."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria leaves the Show), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane were walking to school, as was their wont. 'Did you study for your math test?' Jane asked, hoping to bum some notes off her amiga. 'I have to go now,' Daria replied, in a fake voice. 'My planet needs me.'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'I couldn’t have gained such a powerful image of myself without all of those who helped me. Most important, I’d like to thank my little brother, Finn Morgandorffer, who told me that I am great just the way I am. Where are you, little bro? Stand up and let everyone see who the real inspiration is!'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "I lean back against the wall, slide down to the floor, and bury my face in my hands as I begin to cry."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "I suddenly run up against a brick wall. Quite literally, a brick wall stopping any progress beyond the fifth step. I slam against it with my shoulder in frustration, then jump back down and swing around to go down instead. I can hear scratching and scrabbling just outside the door now, but apparently the demon squirrels don't know how to properly use a doorknob."


• Whatever It Is, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "JANE: If you wanna make a friend, try Jake. QUINN: Only if you like stories about Mad Dog and Ellenbogen... JANE (shrugging): As long as you can play 'What’s that over there?' you’re fine."