Happy Soda--I Mean, Earth Day!

Yes, today is Earth Day! Although the Earth shown on the left is not, technically, Earth-shaped, I am reliably informed by our sponsors that it is both refreshing and bubbly.

Now, everyone keep drinking while I update the latest fanfic!

• Barch vs DeMartino (Iron Chef: Lawndale Fighters), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'I understand you're cutting the club pictures out of the yearbook. You know who the faculty advisor to the Science Club is? The same person who sponsors the Take Back the Night Lawndale High School women's self-defence club!'"


• Daria, or the Confession of a Single Lonely Male, by Arena del Sur (part 2): "When I try to analyze my own cravings, motives, actions and so forth, I surrender to a sort of retrospective imagination which feeds the analytic faculty with boundless alternatives. I am convinced, however, that in a certain magic and fateful way Daria began with Cintia."


• God Save The Esteem ep27: Live Fast Die Old, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "On the way to class, Daria gave the volunteer sign-up sheets a look – they covered a wall, with a photo next to it of happy models of various ethnic groups and ages holding hands; 'Awareness of Others' had a smiley face for the O. O'Neill was really trying, which must mean something was going to go horribly wrong." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• God Save The Esteem ep 28: Punk Takes A Holiday, by Charles RB (part 1): "Daria paused and looked at the speaker: a short guy wearing a lurid green leprechaun costume (he even had the bowler hat), who had an Irish accent as spoken by an American who'd never been to Ireland. Beside him stood a laidback fat guy in a toga with a heart-adorned toy gun. Daria looked again at the speaker. He was still a short guy wearing a lurid green leprechaun costume, alongside a laidback fat guy in a toga with a heart-adorned toy gun."


• It's All About R-E-S-PE-CT (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Colonel Kyle Armalin looked out past the curtains at the audience, who had been chanting non-stop for ten minutes for the show to begin."


• I've Got To Be Direct, by ninetwelve (COMPLETE!): "The next day your mother slowly explains that its been six months. You've missed graduation. Your spot at Raft has been given to a student who can walk. Your tongue is dry and your mother places an ice cube at your lips. It tastes like sweet strawberry syrup. Slowly you begin to realize nothing will be the same."


• Jake and the Fat Man (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'Hey, kiddo! I was looking through some of my dad's papers this morning (lousy rotten old man)...and I found he had a storage locker here in town he had paid up for the next ten years. You'll never guess what I found inside!' Daria sighed; her father getting entangled with anything to do with his father never led to anything good. 'An unexploded nuclear bomb,' she joked. 'Hey, that's right!'"


• Learning to Trust (Iron Chef: Charter School), by Cap (COMPLETE!): "The world became a blur of color before turning white as pain shot through her when the floor raised up to smack her back and head, her breath leaving her in a violent whoosh. Vaguely, she heard her portfolios hitting the floor around her but all that registered was the hurt. Before Jane could reorient herself, Daria had a foot on her throat. Icy eyes stared down at her. 'But what you probably don't know is that I don't have to outrun anyone that I can out fight,' the shorter girl told her in a voice colder than an artic stone. "


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 8: Adult Supervision, by Hyrin (part 1): "'That reminds me: Daria, since Quinn is still in the hospital, the Gupty's were wondering if you'd be interested in babysitting for them.' 'Not particularly.'"


• My Best Friend, by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "He knelt down, so that he was almost at eye level with me. 'In a way, Daria, I'm glad this happened. You'll make sure that Janey gets the help she needs, and her life will get better and better.' He chuckled. 'Then, when I get out of prison in a few years, breaking her back in will be so much fun. And the things I'll do to you...'"


• Not So Different 4: Willy Nilly, by J-D (COMPLETE!): "Jane nodded. 'So, has this experience killed your enthusiasm for the whole project?' 'My what?' 'Your enth—oh, sorry.' 'Forgiven.'"


• Not So Different 5: Unhealthy Business, by J-D (COMPLETE!): "'So much for principles', Sonny said. He spoke in a low voice, more than half to himself, but Jodie caught the words. 'I don't see any principles involved', she said before joining the coupon-collecting crowd. 'Youthful ideals. I come to bury them, not to praise them', said Sonny."


• Questions Asked Questions Answered & Pizza w/ Jane Ch 4, by Lord Yellowtail (part 1): "She looked at the empty seat next to her, thought of the art supplies and paintings she dusted every day, and Trent alone in a huge, empty house. She could blame Tom ten dozen different ways for how he'd unraveled their relationship. She could never blame him for wanting out of a boat that had been half-sunk from the very beginning. She had been content with their arrangement, but he'd wanted more than she ever had to give. It just wasn't fair."


• Remembrance, by HolyGrail2007 (part 10): "'Back in high school, Sandi would steamroll over her. Stacy couldn't even look a person in the eye without wimpering. She didn't get a spine until her junior year.' 'Hmm...I suppose this should be expected.' 'Huh?' Jeffy asked. 'Constantly nitpicked, beaten down? That sound about right? Probably silenced her with a glare, didn't she?' Kim asked. 'Wow, you're...you're totally right on. That's what she was like.'"


• Rude Awakening Episode 3: Drive, by (parts 5 - 9): "MACK: I'm about to reenact that famous moment in 1978 Gator Bowl. I'll be Woody Hayes and you be Clemson nose guard Charlie Bauman. KEVIN: Hey, I know this game! Isn't the game where Woody Hayes punched Bauman in the throat which led to the end of the Woody era at Ohio State. MACK: Yep. KEVIN: I don't like that re-enactment. MACK: But I love it." (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9)


• Searching For a New Hope, by thatLONERchick: "Daria heaved a sigh of relief and walked forward only a few paces before stopping dead at the sight which greeted her. Quinn was sequestered by the minister who had preformed the ceremony, sweaty comb over plastered to his scalp as he leaned over the obviously uncomfortable girl. Something snapped in Daria, and she moved forward with a serene smile on her face to intercede."


• Two Girls, a Guy and a Pizza Place, by TheExcellentS (part 4): "Suddenly, Jane got up and took both her and Daria's plates to the kitchen. As she came back, she threw a sticky, beige ball of dough at the back of Daria's head, knocking her glasses off. Daria put them back on and picked the dough out of her hair, before standing and turning to her assailant. 'What the hell, Jane?' 'It was too tense in here,' said Jane with a sheepish grin, 'So I'd thought I'd... you know... lighten things up with a doughy ambush.' Daria couldn't help but smile. 'Oh, it's on now.'"


• A Typical Morning at Jefferson (Iron Chef: "Ghetto" Daria), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Jane slipped her chain over her head as she waited for Daria to walk through the metal detectors, then the two of them moved toward their shared locker. Jane turned and gave someone the stank-eye for scuffing the toe of her boot, then shot them the bird when they gave her the eye right back." (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


• A Typical Night Away from Jefferson (Iron Chef: "Ghetto" Daria), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "'Here it comes,' Jane sighed, and waited for the bomb to drop. The strobe lights came up first. They started slow, but as the band trooped onstage and took up their respective instruments and positions, the lights picked up momentum. Chuck scratched out a beat just as the singer came up to his microphone and started the first song, a fan favorite."


• Unnamed story (IC: Daria and Jane:Enemies at first sight), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'Hey! New kid!' The girl stiffened, then turned slowly. 'Can I help you?' 'Sorry I was such a bitch in Self-Esteem Class. It’s been one of those days, you know?' 'No, I don’t know.' And with that, the girl turned and kept walking."


• Unnamed story (IC: Daria and Jane:Enemies at first sight), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "'He doesn't know what it means. He's got the speech memorized. Just enjoy the nice man's soothing voice.' Daria whipped around in her seat, eyes wild. 'Oh my God!' she yelled. 'We are enemies now!'"


• Unnamed story (IC: Daria and Jane:Enemies at first sight), by ninetwelve (COMPLETE!): "Jane licked the back of her teeth, considering the girl. Plane and pudgy. Brown eyes and glasses. Dressed like a homeless veteran in a skirt. 'Wish you'd showed up a little earlier. Normally I have to make myself sick, could have used a good look at you about two minutes ago.'"


• Unnamed story (IC: Daria and Jane:Enemies at first sight), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'What's this about a speech impediment?' Li asked. 'She says po-tay-toe,' Daria said, snarling. 'And she says po-tah-toe,' Jane snarled back."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Bridal Expo Scenes), by the Quiet reader (COMPLETE!): "Spike and Bob took their seats as the bridal show started. 'Why are we here again?' Bob asked his friend. Shaggy behind them replies 'Ms. Li will make it mandatory if not enough people show up.'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Fashion Centipede), by Raskolnikov (COMPLETE!): "'You know, I'm wondering how did she convince DeMartino to volunteer for the experiment.' 'Volunteer is such a harsh word. I prefer the word brutally coerced with the propect of an uneding agony topped with mutilation. What I really find impressing is how she managed to track down her ex-husband and kidnap, I mean, to bring him back and puttting him at the end of the line. I find that quite an achievement.'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Fashion Centipede), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'Jane, I found a portal to unlimited parallel dimensions behind the Chinese restaurant downtown.' Jane was thoughtful. 'What did you do with it?' 'I decided to start a parade...'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Fashion Centipede), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Daria looked from her father, down to Helen, Rita, and Amy, and back again."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: "Ghetto" Daria), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "The country club denizens stared at Daria, and she flipped the bird right back at them. 'Shit, the money's so old here it's got mould stanking the place up.' 'Nah, that's the pasta,' said Tom, before his face fell. 'Oh crap.'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: "Ghetto" Daria), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Daria was stalking home at night, eyes snapping left and right for potential trouble, when she saw... wait, that can't be right. Nobody dressed like that in this hood. Not unless they wanted to get their ass kicked and their wallet scavved. On the other hand, looking at that car... well, okay, he'd get his ass kicked but nobody would bother with the wallet."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Lawndale Fighters), by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "'Quinn Morgendorffer!!' Said redhead whirled around as she heard her name yelled and looked at the young man several yards behind her. He was kind of cute, his cloth were stylish and he clearly was a buff, being tall, good looking and muscular. He pointed with his hand at her and took an aggressive stance, before he declared: 'I, Skylar Feldman, challenge you to a duel! If I win, you will go on a date with me!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: TAKE OUT TRENT LANE!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Jane eyed the new librarian as he nervously approached her. His demeanor reminded her a lot of Mr. O'Neill, except he was a lot older, and wore glasses and a tweed coat. 'Miss Jane Lane?' he asked hesitantly. Jane nodded in confirmation. 'My name is Rupert Giles, and I was hoping I could have a word with you.'" (Part 2


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Tom's Trashfreak out), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "As he turned to go back into the house, he saw a small white stick amongst the trash. He leaned down and, upon closer examination, saw that it was a pregnancy test. A used pregnancy test. Tom walked back to the house, muttering curses under his breath."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Tom's Trashfreak out), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "As she wondered who else in the house could be pregnant, Tom left the room. A moment later, she heard him speak from Quinn's room. 'Sandi, Stacy, Quinn, and Tiffany? We need to talk.' 'WHAT' Daria roared."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Tom's Trashfreak out), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Tom glared daggers at Daria. 'Daria, my loving girlfriend,' he said contemptuously. 'Do you care to explain how you became pregnant without the two of us having sex?' Daria opened her mouth, but a great booming voice said, 'I think I can answer that.'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Tom's Trashfreak out), by tafka (COMPLETE!): "Tom climbed the stairs, planning on attacking the communal bathroom next. Hearing voices inside Quinn's room, he paused. '...and it turns out you can have a false-positive on those little stick thingies after all!' Quinn chirped into the phone. Tom sighed with relief. It was Quinn's test. No harm. No foul. But an interesting topic for conversation with Daria later."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'WHORE!' screamed Finn."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: It's Friday!!), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "The brunette walked around to the other side of the table, squatted down, and laid her chin on her forearms. 'Maybe you should see a doctor or something. We need everyone in the club to be in their best mental condition, or-' The first bullet went straight through Sandi's skull, into her brain, exploding out the other side even as she turned into mist and disappeared completely."


• Vomit, Lipstick and Accusations, by ninetwelve (COMPLETE!): "The toilette bowl was streaked with lipstick around the rim. A sickly wad of vomit dripped over the side. And a pile of clothes which stank of stale urine were bunched up at its side. Quinn's clothes."