Let's See Those Pearly Whites!

I don't think Mr. DeMartino (or, more accurately, Metal Mouth) is having a very good Dentists Day but that's probably because I strongly suspect Mr. O'Neill is not actually qualified to practice dentistry. His speeches would make a pretty good general anasthetic, though.

Let's hope your teeth are in good condition, because it's National Frozen Food Day and you'll want to be able to chew that food! Of course, you could always cook the food instead of trying to bite into solid ice, but where's the fun in that? Three guesses as to which frozen food the Morgendorffers will be eating, and the first two don't count.

Finally, I would suggest that we wish Brian a happy National Brian Day, but neither Daria character named Brian really deserves to have a good day. We've got Brian Taylor the animal torturer or Brian Danielson the slimy husband of Erin. Thanks but no thanks.

Fanfic Update!

• The Betrothed, by easmith (parts 17 and 18): "The sky outside Tíra was a solid silver gray, with only the slightest variegations showing that the shade resulted from a solid covering of clouds and not some metal dome stretched over the mountain." (Part 18)


• Spider Quinn 07: Ashes to Ashes, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "She looked at the time: 11:34. That was quite late. She switched off the light and then opened the door rather slowly so as to not make a sound."


• This is Not America, by ladyevil (COMPLETE!): "'Don’t forget those cum shields she always wears!' snickered Tiffany F. as Tori drew a crude picture on the bathroom wall of Daria giving Mr. O’Neill a blowjob."


• Titanic - A True Story, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (COMPLETE!): "Spring had arrived just as warm and sunny as it often was in that part of the country, with the flowers blooming, the birds flying everywhere and the grass getting greener with every day that passed."

A History of Violence, Part 3

One aspect of Brittany's violence we failed to mention concerns her younger brother, Brian, who is a little monster. Literally. An adolescent sadist who tortures animals for fun ("The Lab Brat," The Daria Database), Brian Taylor is one of the few indisputably evil characters in Daria.

Where did Brittany and Brian develop their unpleasant tendencies? Was this some kind of Rosemary's Baby deal, which is why we don't see their biological mother, Vivian Taylor, around in their lives? Is there some genetic component to this? Do the two siblings somehow feed off each other's ferociousness? Does their father have anything to do with this? Brittany did give the mouse to Brian in "The Lab Brat."

Just food for thought, there. Enjoy the week! And remember Brittany's absolute best line in "Fizz Ed":

I like red. It reflects my passionate nature.

Dr. Hannibal Lechter could have hardly put it better.

Burnout Girl's real name was . . . Burnout Girl

Yes, true, she's called Jennifer on Mr. O'Neill's seating chart in that first-season episode we all remember but whose name I have forgotten in one of my senior moments. She's also called Burnout Chick and a bunch of other stuff, too. However, the MTV staff just called her Burnout Girl.

The following is from the missing flipbook "Oh, the Obscurity!" (It was supposed to go here.) Some of these characters were detailed on a webpage in Sick, Sad World (the website), which Wraith lovingly saved for us all. The images he used are probably the ones used in the missing flipbook. (See here and here.)

I did minor editing on the text, which misspells "shoulder" and does a few other irksome things.

1. COREY—Quinn found him somewhat amusing in "Esteemsters." But after showing up at her door in "Quinn the Brain" and fetching punch in "Daria Dance Party," he lost favor and was demoted to background character. (First appeared in "Esteemsters")
2. BOY TEEN 8—The Daria artists like this mellow dude so much that he acquired the nickname "Shaggy." At Brittany's party in "The Invitation," he pops up in two places at once, defying physics. (First appeared in "Esteemsters")
3. BURNOUT GIRL—Daria supervising director Karen Disher designed this character and based it upon her very own self. "Burnout Girl" appeared in the original Daria pilot and is often seen roaming the halls of Lawndale High, lost in thought, much like Karen. (First appeared in the pilot)
4. DAWN—Officially known as "Girl Teen 6," this self-contained cutie is said to resemble a former office production assistant who quit to join the police force. Dawn was her name and so... (First appeared in "Esteemsters")
5. BRIAN TAYLOR—You know how children of divorce often erroneously blame themselves for the breakup? In the case of Brittany's little brother, it's the rest of the family pointing the finger at him. (First appeared in "The Lab Brat")
6. POPULAR GIRL—She can be seen standing with Tiffany and Stacy at Brittany's party in "The Invitation," holding forth on the nuances of popularity. She dropped out of sight shortly thereafter. (Sandi probably had something to do with it.) Note: She also plays volleyball in the show open. (First appeared in "The Invitation")
7. BLIND MAN—He originally appeared as a blind man, but a miracle occurred and he later re-appeared as a sighted person in "I Don't." (First appeared in "Esteemsters")
8. ADULT MALE 48—The rare Daria male brave enough to expose his chest hair, this disreputable character stole Trent's records in "That Was Then, This Is Dumb." (First appeared in "Monster")
9. TED DEWITT-CLINTON—Daria's photo-happy "like interest" from "The New Kid" had corn in his yard…and rocks in his head, since he let our darling Daria get away. (First appeared in "The New Kid")
10. GIRL TEEN 35—This frizzy-haired femme fatale was seen enthusiastically rubbing Kevin's chest (his shoulder pads, actually) in "This Year's Model." (First appeared in "This Year's Model")
11. SAM AND CHRIS GRIFFIN—Sandi's bratty brothers are named after Daria scribes Chris Marcil and Sam Johnson, who went on to Hollywood to write for "real" shows. (First appeared in "Gifted")

Now, this is interesting. We get the dope on Shaggy, Burnout Girl, Dawn, Girl Teen 35, and Adult Male 48, who I've never heard of before. But I still think that the blind guy from "Esteemsters" is not the same person as was later shown in "I Don't" and wandering the store aisles in "Mart of Darkness." Click on "blind man" in the Labels section below for more.

Hmmm, I notice that there are even more flipbooks I have to track down. So be it, then.

Meet (the absent) Vivian Taylor

We know very little about Brittany Taylor's birth mother, and all of that comes from The Daria Database, to wit: "Vivian, 44, actress/ model/ restaurant hostess/ former Mrs. Taylor: Shortly after Brian's birth, deserted family to move to Hollywood where people are relatively sane."

It is interesting that Brittany holds her mother's picture in the Taylor family portrait, and she doesn't seem at all upset that Mom's gone. Vivian has been gone about 9-10 years, so Brittany was 6-7 years old when she took off. You think that would be traumatic, but Brittany is having fun with her stepmom, and maybe Vivian keeps in touch with Brittany (if no one else).

Vivian doesn't show up in many fanfics (most notably Crusading Saint's "Shadows and Secrets," M Man's "Anywhere But Here," and Peter Guerin's "Strange Reunions"), but there's potential for more. I do recall a Mother's Day fanfic about her, but cannot now find it.