Who Wants to Be a Scissorshands?

Our birthday alter egos today are for Regis Philbin (played by Tom Sloane), who was the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, and director Tim Burton, who did Edward Scissorhands (played by Brittany Taylor). Mr. Philbin is 79, and Mr. Burton is 52. Yo!

One of the Iron Chefs at PPMB has created a large number of ficlets. These are not yet listed below but eventually will be. Stay tooned.

NEWZ!

• GetRealDenver.com offers an excellent interview with two of the key voice actors in the Daria series. See: "'Daria' speaks: Voices of cult MTV cartoon talk about first-ever DVD release."
• RLobinske presents a new Iron Chef: Zak Lane, based on a child's picture. Check it out.

PPMB

• NEW! Big Esteem, by Hazazel (Parts 1 and 2): “Girls, I just want you to know your mothers and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town and state.” said the driver, Jake Morgendorffer. “Especially for you, Daria, right? ,” he said to girl sitting on the back seat. “Did we move,” answered the girl who had big round eyeglasses, a green jacket, under which one could see her orange shirt, and a knee length black skirt. Jake laughed nervously to his daughter’s joke and was about to say something when the other girl sitting in the back interrupted him. “Speaking of moms, dad, why couldn’t Helen take us to school? She took Sam and Chris to their school” “Helen’s starting in her new job today, Sandi” Jake answered. “She’s going to pass by the elementary school anyway, so it’s easy for her to drop them off.” (NEW! Part 2)

• NEW! Big Esteem IICY, by Hazazel (COMPLETE!): "This college waiting game sucks, although it does provide the unexpected benefit of taking my mind off of every other aspect of my life." "I know the feeling. Well, I did know the feeling. Or, at least, kind of knew the feeling." "Wait, you heard from BFAC?" "Um, no..."
  
• Daria/Dorian 7: Motorcycles and Jocks Don't Mix, by LadieT (Part 4): Jane was trying to focus on the canvas in front of her. Every few seconds, she would turn and watch Dorian read. The conversation between her and Brittany ran through her head. Feeling her anger rise, Jane threw her paintbrush against the wall. Closing the playbook, Dorian walked over to Jane. As he approached, Jane pushed him away. Walking past Dorian, Jane picked up the brush, cleaned it, then resumed her painting. Confusion covering his face, Dorian sighed and went back to reading. "You look cute when you run," Jane said, refusing to look his way. Dorian responded hesitantly, "I'm glad you think so." "Oh... I didn't say that. Brittany did while you were doing speed drills during practice."
  

• Daria in Big Jane, Episode 13: Stop Pestering Me, Dammit! by InvisibleDan (COMPLETE!): "Who are you talking to?" Daria looked over and saw R. Thomas Sloane wearing a french maid's uniform and holding a feather duster. "Nobody. Why the hell are you dressed like that?" "You didn't give me anything else to wear when I'm performing my duties." "Oh yeah. Sorry about that." "I told you I would pay you back for protecting me but I didn't know you would be so kinky." "Hey, if you want something else to wear, take it up with Trent." "I would except I can't wake him up." (Daria/The Big O)
  
• Kolchak: The Lawndale File, by Chris Tucker (continued): Morning couldn't come soon enough for me. One of the side effects of the past 20 plus years of my career has been nightmares. Oddly, I'd grown so used to them that I just kept on sleeping, no matter how terrifying they were. For whatever reason, my battered psyche decided that it was just easier to continue sleeping than to wake up and then try to get back to sleep. As for me, I'd prefer to wake up in a cold sweat and be awake to see the dawn.

• A Scene No Daria Fanfic Should Have, by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Morris." "Time out." (Daria/Saved by the Bell)
• Unnamed story (Future Daria: Iron Chef or merely an annoyance?), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "Daria! Quinn! The Yeagers are here!" The girls came down the stairs and walked outside to see a hybrid car pull into the driveway. Some decades-old song by Lady Gaga could be heard blaring through the open windows as the visitors stepped out of the car to greet the Morgendorffers.
• NEW! Unnamed story (Future Daria: Iron Chef or merely an annoyance?), by Wormbait (COMPLETE!): [Too short to sample!]
  
• Unnamed story (God Save the Esteem 3: Family Devalued), by Charles RB (Part 2): On the way out on Friday, Quinn was corralled by her parents. “Quinn, Erin’s going to be coming into town after school lets out. It’d be very helpful to us if you met her in town and showed her around.” “And remember, your cousin didn’t have the same advantages you and Daria did: loud music, rocking out, and partying are going to scare her. Bear that in mind.” “I will,” said Quinn, looking utterly angelic and trustworthy.

• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: 4chan Episodes (THREAD IZ COMPLET!!1!!!)), by Project Pegasus (COMPLETE!): "So I've made up my mind." "And?" "I'm accepting Raft's offer of admission." "You can't do that." "Why not?"
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: What he REALLY thinks of Daria!), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): Angier Sloane watched his oldest son take his girlfriend upstairs, the packet of neat and precise calculations left in his hands after only a day away from his side. The girl wasn't just a literary up and comer; she was a mathematical savant.
• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Well, I think I know where this is going." "Oh, witty to the last, are we? Well, laugh out of this—once you're mutilated and dying, this entire universe will burn, at my hand. Everyone you ever knew and loved, screaming—and you'll have to listen before death claims you. It's what you deserve." "Big words. But there's one thing you didn't take into account..." (Daria/Drawn Together/Power Rangers, + Judith Strikes!)
• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): Her jaw twitches as she controls the urge to cry. "It's so beautiful." (Daria/The O.C.)

• What the Dormouse Said, by TAG (COMPLETE!): He saw her as soon as he opened the office door. She slouched in a chair to his left between the office’s front desk and a potted artificial tree. A color picture of President Richard Nixon hung on the wall above her head. The moment she spotted him she got to her feet—and began chewing a wad of gum she had been hiding in her mouth. “Hey, kid,” he said. “Hey,” she said in relief. “Thanks, Uncle Jack.”
  
• Yeah, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "Hey Jodie, Mack." "Hey Daria." Jodie replied. Mack just stood there with a smile on his face. "I was wondering what you we're doing this weekend." "Well if all goes right I'm headed to the moon all weekend." She said as Kevin and Brittany came up from behind. "So I take it your going to participate in the ‘Camp out under the Stars' fundraiser." "Only if NASA refuses to led me aboard the shuttle."
  

Which Holiday Shall I Celebrate First?

A scene from this Daria story took place 41 years ago today. Today is also a bunch of interesting holidays rolled into one. We have:

• National Paul Bunyan Day
• Captain Kangaroo's 83rd birthday anniversary
• Canadian Multiculturalism Day (in Canada, of course)
• Mixed Race Day (in Brazil)
• National HIV Testing Day, and
• Seven Sleepers' Day (in Germany).

How you plan to celebrate all that is up to you. Good luck. Stay tooned.

NEWER! Charles RB has created a new Iron Chef: Tommy Sherman has risen from the grave! Go there and do your best!

And on to the fanfiction.

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• Daria: Hunter 6—Infectious, by Jim North (continued): "Daria, your little SIDEKICK is talking to me again as if I give ONE SINGLE DAMN ABOUT WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY!" Jane's jaw dropped. "Amazing! We're in the middle of a deadly situation, he's stuck in a cell and we're the only ones who can get him out, and he's still picking on me!" "Hey, you," Daria told DeMartino, "stop picking on my sidekick." As DeMartino's face split into a wide grin, Jane fixed her partner with a steely glare. "You are so not helping things," she said.
• NEW! Don Jake and the WTF Plot Twist, by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "What’s that sound?" "Sounds like a jet engine." "Damned airlines. Can’t even go on a damn hike without hearing their damn jets." "Jake..." "I don’t see anything. It should be getting closer if it’s getting this loud." "What’s that?"
• NEWEST! First Born, by RLobinske (Part 1): Michael Fulton leaned forward over the steering wheel of the car he and his wife Daria Morgendorffer had rented at the Gainesville Airport. Heavy, driving rain made visibility almost nonexistent as he tried to stay on the narrow, two-lane road. "Did a hurricane move in and somebody forget to tell us? I can hardly see where we're going, let alone our turn." Daria pointed to a device on the dashboard. "Follow the GPS." "And end up like one of those delivery trucks stuck between two buildings?" "According to Karen, we're more likely to end up stuck between two horses' asses around here."
  
• Judith Strikes! Tidings of Comfort and Joy, by Brian Taylor (COMPLETE!): Amy quit talking in a hurry when she saw the figure in the doorway. A silhouette, short in stature, long in shadow, stood in the door. "My favorite aunt." The silhouette stepped into the light. It turned out to be a young woman, nineteen or maybe twenty years of age. Her boots were thick and black. Her cloak was red. What little of her oval face could be seen under the heavy hood was flat and affectless, the mouth drawn into a cold sneer. "Who's she today?"
• NEW! Judith Strikes! Wraithkiller, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Sorry, Ian, but don't worry. You and Anastasia are going to appreciate getting your old rings back in the future," Judith said as she removed a tarnished, copper ring from the severed hand she held. "And you'll be happy little Ringwraiths." The woman in the red cloak kicked the bloody body that the hand had belonged to. Then, she tilted her head up and said, "I love the smell of paradox in the morning. It smells like vengeance." (FF.net)
  
• NEW! Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): The sun had nearly gone down by the time the convoy pulled into Erbie Motel's parking lot, which was completely spare except for an old model sedan and a large van that looked as if it had been painted over with house paint. Nick's Inn, as far as anyone could see, was completely deserted, and both motels stood as evidence that tourist season hadn't started yet and probably wouldn't for at least a few more months. Principal Angela Li was the first to step down onto the cracked asphalt. She took a few steps forward and inhaled a deep breath of the fresh spring air, then exhaled it back out into the cooling evening sky. She then turned to the row of buses behind her and held her hands into the air dramatically. "All ashore, everyone!" she called out, motioning to the drivers and teachers to start getting the children disembarked.
• That Infernal Nonsense, by Ajar (COMPLETE!): "They call me Mack Daddy—not Mack, but Mack Daddy, though I could never tell why, but always it's Mack Daddy—not Mack, but Mack Daddy, forever a Mack Daddy, I!" (Daria/H.M.S. Pinafore)
• Unnamed story (SHINING STAR: A new shared Dariaverse setting), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): [An absolutely perfect ficlet by a talented and wonderful author!]
• NEW! The Vision of the Burning Cities, by jtranser (continued): "I'm fascinated by that object you hold in your hand, Dr. Morgendorffer. May I ask how you obtained it and what you do with it?" "This? I got it from another patient. I keep it as a souvenir of an extremely difficult case that continues to ramify in several new dream dimensions, some of which may attain the status of full grown universes should they become stable. As to what it is, I only know a small part of what it can do. It has mysteries that haven't chosen to reveal themselves to me at this time."
  

Much Ado About Everything

Another eventful day in Daria-land. A poor fellow with the dreadful name of Hymen Lipman, just 152 years ago, invented the pencil eraser. This was mentioned in an earlier post. Also mentioned in an earlier post is the fact that today is Vincent van Gogh's birthday anniversary. Jake was the van Gogh alter ego model, and Upchuck was the pencil's.

What went unmentioned is that this is National Doctor's Day, which Brittany commemorates here. Thank you, doctors! And it is Francisco Goya's 264th birthday anniversary, the same Goya that Ted and Jane rave about in "The New Kid." See if this fan-art re-creation by Minx of one of his most famous paintings triggers a memory of his work.

It is also apparently Hot Dog Day, not sure why (Kevin is the mascot), and Celine Dion's birthday, with Daria as the fan-art alter ego (by Liliane Grenier).

Lots to celebrate, go to it.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Anyone who knows of Moscow-based Daria fans should check in with them as soon as possible to make sure they are okay, in view of the subway bombings there yesterday. Give them our best wishes, please.

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• NEW! Anti-Trope, by Minx (Chapter 2, Part 5): "I'm sorry to be the one to beak it to you D-man," Dean flinched at his new nickname. "But some guy is in there macking on Jane," Joey replied. "Oh my God, does Jodie know?" Jamie asked as he alternated his gaze between Dean and Joey. "Not Mack, mack-ing," Joey reiterated. "So, Jodie's in on it, like a threesome?"
  
• As Loud as My Heart, by Ranchoth (Part 1): Daria passed by another farm of upright Plexiglas tubes—all "empty," though a few bubbled with dingy liquid. She was just glad none had people in them at the moment. Or anything worse...
• NEW! The Dream of the White Darkness will be continued by jtranser on SFMB, because of adult content.
  
• Falling into College 72: Valley of Love and Delight, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): After she and Michael had changed into more appropriate traveling clothes, Daria stopped next to the bed to pet Bump. "We'll be back for you in two weeks, so take it easy on Mom." "Meow." "But you don't have to go easy on Quinn. I think she'll make an excellent chief of staff while we're gone."

• Finn Morgendorffer 40: Higher Learning, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 2): “Hey Mack, Hey, Jodie.” Finn greeted the pair as he walked down the hall of the school the next day. “Hey, Finn.” Mack seemed bummed out, but managed a smile. “What’s wrong, bud?” “The meeting at the bank didn’t go so well.” Jodie explained. “His father can’t get the loan.” “I won’t be able to afford Vance without a scholarship now. And that’s a long shot.”
  
• Lawndale's Finest: Detective Stories #4—Power Struggle, by Jim North (continued): "No charges are being brought against Supergirl," Jane replied, though she sounded far from happy about it. "All of the witnesses confirmed that Val avoided the cops to cross a police line and that Supergirl did everything she could to save her." She took a swallow of her drink and stared down into the neck of the bottle. "Not that the press believed a word of it, of course. They still seem to think I snatched her up and dropped her down on the mine myself." "But you didn't," said Trent. "No, I didn't," Jane echoed sourly. "But it was because of me she was even there. She was chasing after me. She had me on the ropes, she knew it, and she was moving in to finish me off."
• Regifted 2: I Put Away Joyless Things, by Ajar (Part 6): “Well, if it isn't the guy who disappeared without a trace,” Jane said sarcastically. “I wasn't expecting you back from the abduction so soon.” “Yeah, sorry about that,” Ryan said, entranced by his shoes. “I just wasn't quite expecting... just who was that kid, anyway?” “That's Artie. He had his skin replaced by a synthetic skin when he was abducted.”

Hearts and Roses

It's that time of the month again when love wets us with its golden showers, and we guys get the wrong things for our Significant Others. Brittany has a few thoughts about that. Brittany also wants to share a romantic thought for those who have undergone a bit of stress in their relationships. And who could forget this unforgettable moment, so appropriate for St. Valentine's Day?

Kevin has a romantic thought to share, too. But apparently not with Brittany.

Great New PPMB Threads to Read and Expound Thereon

• The Fashion Club's Secret Fashion Checklist
• Top 10 most popular characters according to Dariawiki
• Story idea
• False Facts About the TV Show "Daria"

Stick around for moar.

Caption Contest!

Something or someone has caught Brittany's
undivided attention at a party.
What is it?

Can You Repeal the Laws of Gravity?

A mere 367 years ago, Sir Isaac Newton was born, he who figured out why apples hit you on the head, and Daria's Sick, Sad Life Planner chose to commemorate the event (see at right) with an announcement from historian Brittany Taylor about a little-known discovery with which Sir Isaac is rarely credited. You heard it first here.

After reading through Richard Lobinske's listing for 2009 Daria Visual Fanworks, I have picked out my personal favorites and named them on PPMB. Five artists produced so much superior work, it became impossible to pick anything they did. This group of masters includes: Jim North, MDetector5, Minx, Pinhead, and Vlora. I bow to you all and offer my humble thanks. You make this fandom shine.

A bow to Quiverwing, who achieved Cosmic Epic Win by fixing up more DariaWiki pages than anyone else from the last week of December until now. She is engaged in an immense project to classify all Daria fanfiction by year. Other DariaWiki fan-atics worthy of honor include Disco316, Boandpop, Nighthawk, Brother Grimace, Gouka Ryuu, Kem, RLobinske, Jim North, JPAGC, and Doggieboy. Thank you all!

DariaWiki pages of recent note:

• Dead Daria Fandom Arguments (YES! Excellent!)
• Williamstown University
• Requiem
• A Taste of Hell
• Don't Sweat the Mall Stuff
• Civil War
• Canon Fodder
• Diane Fossey Award
• Home Schooled
• Cassandra (from Highland)
• Amelia (from "Camp Fear")

My Heart Will Go On... Until Death, Anyway

Twelve years ago today, the epic movie Titanic was released in the USA. This led directly to the penning of the Daria episode "Just Add Water," which shares many plot elements with the movie, except for being shorter. Brittany, upon being informed of the event in her history class, had this response.

Queen Jossie wrote the fanfic "Y 2 Day?" ten years ago today. Remember all that Y2K crap? Jeepers. Did get some good fanfiction out of it, though. In addition to the above, the following have moderate-to-high Y2K-ness. Anyone recall any others?

• Daria's Christmas Folly, by Crazy Nutso
• Daylight: Falling from Grace, by Disco316
• DWU#13: Erin the Head, by Kara Wild (song at the end)
• Falling into College #9: Holiday Breaks, by Richard Lobinske
• The Submariner Series, by Wildgoose
• Why 2K? by Kemical Reaxion

OUTRAGEOUSLY GOOD NEWZ!

• One-time Daria fan artist Katie Cook is big time now! John Takis informs us that she is now drawing Fraggle Rock comics, and she has also been drawing collectible cards for Marvel, DC, and Star Wars! Check it out! Katie Cook's Daria fan art from the year 2000 survives on the web. We can say we knew her way back when she was awesome, before she became mega-awesome. And, in keeping with today's Titanic theme, here is Ms. Cook's Daria from the movie.

Quiverwing reminds us that there are only TWENTY (20) days left in which to nominate your favorite works for the 2009 Daria Fanworks Awards! Read the rules!

FF.net

• Secret Smile, by SinisterDragula (COMPLETE!): The front door slammed, followed by grunts of disgust. “God! Why did Jamie have to be such a jerk?”

PPMB

• NEW! Ah, Good Memories, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "Tell me why we're paying good money that we could be spending on bad pizza to see another faculty roller hockey game, Lane." [Cosmic Epic Win.]
• Another Normal Day in Lawndale, by JPAGC (Part 3): Quinn quickly spotted her sister with two of the usual companions: She remembered Brooke, the tall, brunette girl, but couldn't place a name on the blonde girl with a pink shirt also hanging with her. A junior? A freshmen? No matter, she thought, just another of the mindless fashion zombies my sister likes to so much.
• Anti-Trope, by Minx (continued): “No, a million times, no.” Dean shook his head. “There is no way in hell I am going to play football.”
• Crazy for Fashion, by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Let's look at the spectacle, Daria." "No." "Aw, come on. I'll give you a dollar."

• Daria: Hunter—Mind over Plasma, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "Artie." The man's head snapped up so quickly that it looked like it might tear straight off his skinny neck and fly across the room. "What? Yes? I'm Artie!" "Your abilities," said the bounty hunter. "Just how far do they reach?" (FF.net)
• Daria: Hunter—Rememory, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): Another day filled with strangeness had passed, and Daria had made it out the other end alive. She told herself that that was the important thing. She was alive. Jane was alive. Their temporary ward Artie the psychic pizza cook was alive. The only person who hadn't survived the events of the day was the man who had attacked them, and good riddance. (FF.net)
  
• NEW! The Dream of the White Darkness, by jtranser (continued): "A number of patient specific tests will have to be run before a complete diagnosis can be ventured. But one thing has already become clear. Evidence of psychotronic interference and embedding is faint but clear. In short, patient has been a subject of involuntary mind control experimentation." [and more added here!]
  
• NEW! Finn Morgendorffer 21: Jane Errs, HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): “Oh, come on,” Jane continued to tease. “It’s not like I haven’t seen you in your boxers before.” And that was enough. Daria pushed open the door into her brother’s room. “What the hell is going on?!” she shouted with righteous fury.

• Hallway, by GlitterShrooms (COMPLETE!): "Morgendorffer! Lane! What do you two punks think you’re doing?” yelled the always angry Ms. Barch.
• NEW! In Search of the Path, by Trscroggs (Part 1): Drawing on all the experience she had gained while trapped in this twisted world of sorcery, the Seeker yelled in her most authoritative voice: “Freeze! Hands in where I can see them! Turn around slowly and I won’t have to shoot. Oh my God! It can’t be!” The small woman who had been stealing the Seeker’s loot stared in surprise. “Brittany Taylor? What the hell are you doing here?” Daria Morgendorffer asked.
• NEW! In Silence Sarcastic, by Trscroggs (continued): My sister, the dating guru, Daria signed. But I do not need to speak to the dating guru; I need to talk to the fashion guru instead.
  
• Love Is a Series of Burning Sensations, by Undefinedlust (Part 14): Okay, so I really couldn't get everything Daria was saying, so I called Christina for help and we talked till midnight. Then I got really high and tried to go to bed. But I just couldn't sleep, I just kept thinking of her in that box... just thinking about her... What the hell made me think it was a good idea to go for a walk... a walk past her house... looking to see if her light was on... Geez Jane, act like a stalker much?
• NEW! Monster Madness, by Trscroggs (continued): “Pilot Candidate Sterling has apparently decided not to read his briefing, sir. He called Pilot Morgendorffer a ‘know-nothing civilian brat’, sir.”
  
• One Night..., by Charliefox2012 (COMPLETE!): [revised version of original at FF.net]: I lie here, naked, but covered by a thin sheet, in a bed that is not my own.
• Quinn: The Show, by Ajar (Part 3): "So, um, what do you think about wrap skirts this season?" "First parachute pants and now this. Is there no end to Hammer's insanity?"
• A Reaper in the Wind, by Richard Lobinske (Parts 1 and 2): Tom closed his book and set it on the table next to the chair before rising. Only a moment after the visitor had knocked on the door, Tom opened it. "Good morning." A man in a black suit presented Tom with a sealed folder and said, "Special Agent Sloane. Your next assignment." [Daria/NCIS]
• NEW! Second Life, by Legendeld (Part 2): "I don't know why you keep putting up with Daria's crap, Jane. I know tons of models who would love to date you." Quinn took off her light coat and hung it on the stair railing. "Tell me what she did!"
  

• Slumber Party, by GlitterShrooms (COMPLETE!): "My God, Li," cried Ms. Barch from outside in the tree. "Are you getting all of this?" "You betcha your fat ass I am," replied Li with her camcorder.
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part III), by jtranser (continued): High above Toronto, Stacy flew into the tomato sunrise. Below her, a hundred miles down, wreathed in light transparent smog, the brown and wrinkled surface of Earth bid her a silent forlorn goodbye as she engaged her drives and headed for the center of the galaxy.
• A Very Saturnalia Holiday, by Vlora (COMPLETE!): "What if you don’t celebrate Christmas?" Daria asked, her eyes set on Mr. O’Neill’s face. "Then pick any holiday you like!" "May I go first?" [At last! Thank you, Vlora!]

Queen Kong

As today has been designated Monkey Day in support of our less fortunate cousins in the animal kingdom (apes and monkeys alike), Brittany (as King Kong) will be our mascot. Kind of appropriate given yesterday's topic, eh? Thanks to UU and Pinhead for the super-sized illos (click on them and see).

N0OoZ!

• Quiverwing's new game on PPMB: name your favorite Daria episodes! There will be a runoff election soon.
• Minx has art to show us: Daria as the Grim Reaper, and Daria and Jane in full color. And "Cry for a Shadow" fan art.
  
• Roentgen discovered a highly amusing website that allows you to create your own magazine cover—in this case, Daria related magazine covers.
• MidnightStorm has started an artistic Iron Chef: New Gender-Bender Characters. Draw your own version of one of the regular Daria cast as a character of the opposite sex.
• Jim North offers "State Your Preference": new signature banners for PPMB (or elsewhere) that tell the world what kind of Daria-related "sexual" you are. Just look at the thread, I can't explain it better than that.
• Pinhead has even more excellent "small jokes" for us.
• Kael Seoras created another Iron Chef: The Christmas Episode! Write out your own Very Special Christmas episode for Daria.
• NEW! The 2009 Daria Written Works/Fanfiction compilation has been updated! Only two weeks left to finish any stories not already finished!
  

FF.net

• NEW! A Haunting in Lawndale, by Kerrykhat (COMPLETE!): "Why would you be worried about us?" Jane asked, shooting Mr. O'Neill a skeptical look. "I would think Mrs. Li would be relieved to have us out of her hair." "You didn't hear about the zombie attack last night?" Mr. O'Neill asked, eyes comically wide with fear. (Daria/Buffy: The Vampire Slayer)
  
• The Problem and the Cure, by SinisterDragula (COMPLETE!): Yo. My name is Jane Lane, and I have a problem. There’s only one thing that can cure it. I’ll explain later. This is why I'm in this downward spiral.
• Seize the Day, Daria! by SinisterDragula (COMPLETE!): Jane, who had one hand on the wheel, turned to smirk at Daria. “What a beautiful night. Only thing missing is a giant tornado and a few cows trapped inside. That would make a perfect Kodak moment.”

PPMB

• Daria: Hunter—Mind over Plasma, by Jim North (continued): Artie picked himself up, a piece of the pizza falling from the back of his shirt and splatting on the floor. "I can explain everything," he said, "but we have to leave. He's almost here. He-" His eyes went wild. "He's here." [continued here]
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 20: Pet Store Peril, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): Finn wandered away from the food court and ended up at the pet store. Hey, there’s an idea, Finn thought. How hard could working with animals be? They were in cages, so it wasn’t like they could run away. Throw `em some food once in a while, tell them a sweet nothing. Hell, it’s just like dating. [continued here]
  
• Inner Universe, by Malakite (continued): Trent was humming along with the radio as he pulled into the driveway. He was home earlier than usual today, since Curtis had finally condescended to show up on time for his shift. His joyful mood at being home early enough to greet Janey on her return from school, and the humming that went with, lasted all the way to the mailbox, back into the house, and through about half the mail (most of it junk). Past Due. Notice of Default. He sliced the envelope open and read. 20 days, delinquent payments, penalties, fees... almost $3,000.
• NEW! Liberation, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): Ms. Li walked into O'Neill's class with a stack of papers in hand. As she was separating one to hand to the teacher, she jerked her hand back with a hiss of pain. "Damn, paper cut."
  
• Quinn: The Show, by Ajar (Part 1): "God, Daria! If you want me to try and find you a pity date, just come to me when I'm alone."
  
• Regifted, by Ajar (COMPLETE!): “If North Korea can brainwash a captured Marine,” Daria said, “I guess a teenage girl who's vulnerable because she's going through a tough transition can't be blamed for being a bit silly.”
• Unnamed story (Three-peat! New Ideas Thread Wins Again!), by LSauchelli (Part 1): "You think you've won Kryptonian? You believe me dead? Taste the Omega Scantion!" [Author—"This could be turned into an Iron Chef or competition of sorts to see who can write the most miserable life for Daria."]
  

A History of Violence, Part 3

One aspect of Brittany's violence we failed to mention concerns her younger brother, Brian, who is a little monster. Literally. An adolescent sadist who tortures animals for fun ("The Lab Brat," The Daria Database), Brian Taylor is one of the few indisputably evil characters in Daria.

Where did Brittany and Brian develop their unpleasant tendencies? Was this some kind of Rosemary's Baby deal, which is why we don't see their biological mother, Vivian Taylor, around in their lives? Is there some genetic component to this? Do the two siblings somehow feed off each other's ferociousness? Does their father have anything to do with this? Brittany did give the mouse to Brian in "The Lab Brat."

Just food for thought, there. Enjoy the week! And remember Brittany's absolute best line in "Fizz Ed":

I like red. It reflects my passionate nature.

Dr. Hannibal Lechter could have hardly put it better.

A History of Violence, Part 2

Several characters in Daria display an aggressive streak. Janet Barch beats the tar out of Mr. DeMartino about three or four times ("The New Kid," "The Daria Hunter," Is It College Yet?, and in The Daria Database), plus whales on an unfortunate disk jockey in a roller-hockey game ("The Big House"), but even she runs a distant second to Brittany Taylor.

Brit's mean streak surfaces with little warning and sometimes with little provocation. Childish teasing, a tasteless come-on, or a similar poor choice of words is usually all it takes. The most startling display of hair-trigger violence on her part did not appear in the first or second seasons of the show. It came during the interval between the fourth and fifth seasons, in Is It Fall Yet?

When the Dopey Duo are working as lifeguards over the summer before their senior year, Kevin unwisely pokes fun at Brittany's green-tinted (chlorine-dyed) hair. She boils over in seconds, stomps Kevin's foot, then chases him around the swimming pool in full view of adults and children, murder in her eyes. When she catches up to him, she re-stomps his injured foot much harder than the first time, shoves him into the pool, dives in after him, and then hammers him with her fists from behind, focusing on the back of his head. It's brutal. Once again, visual evidence of the event helps one to appreciate its full flavor, so I took the liberty of stitching the scene together in one large image for educational viewing.

Does it end there? It seems unlikely. In "Fat Like Me," mistakenly believing Kevin is unfaithful, Brittany shrilly snarls: "Ooh, I can't believe Kevvy cheated on me with Angie! Wait till I get my hands on him!" (See her expression in the image above left.) Yikes! You can feel Kevin's pain, and she hasn't even hit him yet.

At least Brittany doesn't beat up women, though she has no compunctions about face-offs with them if she suspects they are trying to steal her boyfriend ("This Year's Model," "The Lab Brat," etc.). It makes one wonder how Upchuck survived being her lab partner in "The Lab Brat." By rights, he should be in a shallow grave. Maybe she feared he had other copies of that incriminating photo. Who knows. (He does get popped by Brittany in The Daria Database, as seen at lower left.)

Other writers have taken the bad-ass Brittany concept and run with it. We have Crazy Nutso's "True Blue," an eye-popper that now (like Nemo Blank's version of Brittany in "Ring Toss") doesn't seem so far-fetched. Read the notes at the bottom of "True Blue," by the way. I've played with the idea, too, in a comedy/fantasy fic and a post-canon tale. I recall there are other violent Brittany stories, but can't pinpoint them. Maybe someone else can refresh our collective memory. Wasn't there an Iron Chef, too, about Brittany beating people up in bar fights?

Kinda wonder how the bad-ass Brittany thing got started. I bet it had something to do with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then took on a life of its own. She is a ferocious wild child, even if she does have a pink bunny backpack and smells like baby powder. (Thanks again to UU and Pinhead for the image at upper right. You r0OoL!!!!!)

Comments? Corrections? Arguments? Thoughts or rants? Let's see 'em. And more fanfiction, too.

A History of Violence, Part 1

It has been mentioned before that LHS head cheerleader Brittany Taylor has serious anger-management issues, but it is helpful to have visual evidence of this rather disturbing trait. As it happens, there's quite a lot of said evidence. Seriously, what is up with this chick? Everyone remembers her performance in "The Daria Hunter," but do you remember these special moments? (By the way, a special "thank you" goes out to the magnificent UU and Pinhead for some of these superb shots, which had to be shrunk down to fit on the page. The images that don't look as nice are my own. So sue me.)

Brittany can do major damage without half trying (mainly to Kevin, but any male who insults her is fair game). She elbows and foot-stomps Kevin in "Malled," smacks the hell out of the much bigger Tommy Sherman in "The Misery Chick," and (may as well show it) goes Buffy-ballistic in "The Daria Hunter." Plus, she knows squad-level military tactics. By heart. And she's supposed to be a moron. How can she do this? What happened to turn her into the teen-girl version of Nick Fury? She doesn't appear to be afraid of anything or anyone, to my knowledge.

I recall reading one of Nemo Blank's epic tales, "Ring Toss," and thinking that his view of Brittany as violence prone was taking things too far. A typical quote from that story (quoting from Kevin's thoughts):

Brittany would kill him if she found out about it. Really kill him. She was a black belt and liked to break bricks in her backyard. She was getting physical with him in more ways than one, these days.

...and...

Brittany's fists clenched and her features hardened into an all too familiar mask of rage. "You big jerk!" It came out as a scream of pure hatred. Kevin backpedaled, eyes widening... She moved so fast that he never even glimpsed the blow that felled him.

This is as good a time as any to announce that I was wrong. My bad! Nemo apparently got it right, although Brittany doesn't appear to know karate. She's more of a gymnastic but undisciplined (thankfully) dirty fighter. Nemo even explained that Kevin wears his football pads all day long to absorb some of the blows Brittany deals out, which makes sense. Then he gave Brittany a massive multi-drug addiction originally meant to contain her rage. Wow.

Okay, to be sure, the above examples (plus her spontaneous rodeo pile-driving of a striker who hit Kevin in "Monster") come from the first two seasons of Daria. Maybe she mellowed out later on.

As we will see in Part II, the answer is painfully plain.

(snip!)

Nineteen years ago today, the urban fantasy movie Edward Scissorhands was released in the USA. Brittany appears as Scissorhands in this remarkable alter ego from early in the Daria series. Click on the image to get the full-size view. (Thank you, Pinhead!) Loved that movie, sad and sweet all at once. It turned the Frankenstein theme on its head. Brittany's expression in the alter ego is perhaps the most amazing thing about it. Perfect, exactly like the movie.

nU0oZ!

It is time to thank those who have contributed so much to DariaWiki of late. Richard Lobinske, Brother Grimace, Doggieboy, Roentgen, Disco316, Jim North, Boandpop, and JPAGC have offered outstanding work and greatly expanded one of the core websites in this fandom. Yay! Visit the link above to see their works. U d0oDz r0oOL!!!

Two active & worthwhile non-PPMB threads to follow (and contribute to) have appeared. They are:

• Television Without Pity: Daria
• Facebook: Daria

Go, sign up, start typing, and enjoy.

Now for a few weird (but fun) things found on the Internet. First, Daria M. and Daria W., a bedroom comparison.

Next, something that might have been posted here before, but I don't recall it: 20 Classy High School Outcasts on Entertainment Weekly (ew.com). We are interested in #5.

Here is an extremely odd blog (the pot calls the kettle black) about every single thing in the universe with the name of Daria: Daria Derly Fun. Some screen captures I haven't seen before, too. Nice. Weird, but that's okay.

Someone has posted an avatar of Daria Morgendorffer from Second Life at the Facebook site. Nice!

The Daria/Harry Potter crossover issue has again arisen. Check it out. Interesting issue.

PPMB

• Finn Morgendorffer 19: It's Edgy, Dammit, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “If only we could understand the wonders of the male brain,” said Jane. “Easy," said Daria. "Every other word is breasts."
• Inner Universe, by Malakite (Part 1): The next day, Jane happened past a boy having locker trouble. As she walked by she said "Do you hear that? He hasn't got a prayer!" The boy glanced at her for a second, and then went back to trying to open his locker after her suddenly sympathetic, "Oh, bummer."
• Reaped Out 2: Sickle Sad World, by Shnookies, the artist formerly known as Pinkminx (COMPLETE!): Daria glanced at the growing crowd of onlookers and tapped her foot impatiently. She didn’t see Jane approaching her from behind. “YOU!!!” Jane growled.
• Reflections, by MidnightStorm (continued): Pizza Prince was crowded as usual as Daria slowly walked in. Workers, on lunch break, looked at her with curiosity and shrugged. Going back to their usual drawls on business and such, not caring about the lone teenager. Her usual booth with Jane was taken by two young workers arguing about some money loans. Finding an empty booth all the way at the end of the row, she sat down and gazed at the shiny metal table.
• The Secret Life of Tammy Sloane, by MidnightStorm (Part 1): It was a quiet day in the Sloane household, something that was very rare and unusual. Mrs. Sloane, better known as Kay, was pleased at the energy in the house. Most of the time it was chaotic due to their eldest daughter's actions. She had scolded her hundreds of times, most of which were for pulling pranks on her teachers or humiliating a student.
• Unnamed story (Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over), by Richard Lobinske (COMPLETE!): When Jack Jeebs saw the woman in a black suit and round, dark glasses enter his pawn shop, his stomach tightened. "Good morning, Dee. How's it going?" he asked, hoping for the best. Agent Dee said, "Don't good morning me, Jeebs. I'm not in a good mood."
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: "And Then Buffy Staked Edward."), by MidnightStorm (COMPLETE!): Edward looked around. The streets were deserted, something very unusual about the lively small town of Forks. Cars were parked on the side and seemed to gather dust. Looking toward the street he saw a lone figure leaning against a light post. Auburn hair blew in the wind. Edward walked toward the figure, curious to see if she knew anything about the town's disappearance.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: "And Then Buffy Staked Edward."), by Raskolnikov (COMPLETE!): The formation of Cylon Raiders rose in the sky like a wave of metal. The hawklike ships headed towards the battered hull of the old battlestar....
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Once Bitten, Twice Shy), by Greystar (sequel COMPLETE!): "Jeez! Daria always gave me gas when she was alive, but this is ridiculous!"
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Once Bitten, Twice Shy), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "Isn't she just perfect bait? In a manner of speaking. I mean, in the stories aliens or UMAs or whatever always go for the cute, timid, scared ones first, right? And predators always go for the weakest of the pack. Natural selection is a basic principle."

Food for Thought: Bad-Ass Brittany

A lot of fans remember Brittany Taylor's stunning display of military acumen at the paintball field in "The Daria Hunter," but a more direct example of her combat prowess appears in "Monster."

When boyfriend Kevin gets whaled on by grocery store employees for crossing a picket line, Brittany, wearing a pink gown, jumps on the back of an assailant and opens up a 55-gallon drum of grade-A high-octane WWE-certified whupass. She becomes the original pit bull with lipstick, captured in all her savage glory on videotape.

Discuss.

(Thanks to UU and Pinhead for the images!)

Role Model

Today is the 37th birthday of model and actress Jenny McCarthy, rumored to have been the actual role model for Brittany Taylor. Given Ms. McCarthy's recent forays into medical science... no, I won't say it. Too easy. Sorry.

Today is also World Vegan Day, which is curious because Ms. McCarthy is a vegan. When it rains, it pours, I guess.

AND... today is Samhain, All Saints Day, the Day of the Dead, and a bunch of other things. Tiffany's alter-ego costume at left is exactly that for Mexico's Day of the Dead. Nice multicultural touch, there. Wonder what Samhain and the others are like at Holiday Island High.

Hope you remembered to set your clocks back an hour today, if you live where they do daylight savings time. Enjoy the extra hour of sleep.

PPMB

• Beasts, by Legendeld (COMPLETE!): “Did you just kill Fluffy?” Sandi Griffin said oddly calm tone. Her ears were ringing from the gunshot blast that was echoing around them in the small store. Quinn Morgendorffer flipped her hair over her shoulder with a small shrug. “How am I supposed to know?” She pumped the 12-gauge shotgun. “It was the size of dog and had large teeth, now it’s in pieces.”
• Dinnertime, by Doggieboy (COMPLETE!): "Scarlett, dear, you have to come out of your room sometime." The voice of her mother caused the girl to open her eyes and look at the closed and locked door. "I can't do it," she said. "I won't do it." "You cannot stay in there forever."
• Finn Morgendorffer 11: Man of Honor, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “I’ll make sure my tuxedo matches the dresses.” “I’ve already contacted the bridal store, you can see them there.” Rita instructed. “Also, Daria’s going to be one of the bridesmaids.” “Really?” Finn tried to hide his disappointment. Daria was not cheerful enough to be in a wedding. She hated dresses anyway.
• Halloween Treats, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): The kids at the front door of the Morgendorffer house took a step back in unison as the door opened to show a hulking, hooded figure, holding a large bowl of candy. The voice beneath the overly large hood was distinctly feminine, although raspy; it was slightly breathless, with a throaty timbre to it. "Yes...?"
• Late Bloomer, by Legendeld (COMPLETE!): Daria sat upright in her bed cover in sweat. She could feel the flames still licking at her skin. Oh my god, that was a little too realistic, she thought as her heart tried to beat its way free from her ribcage. Her arms actually ached from where they had been bound in the dream. With a sigh of relief she dropped back down to her pillow. My hands were tied to something and I was on fire. That was the worst dream I’ve had in a long time. [Begs for more!]
• Slow Night, by Legendeld (COMPLETE!): “The Vampires have been forced back and the Lycans are wiped out. The Zack outbreak was pretty minor and I’ve got it cleaned up already. I’m tired and I want to go home. I’ve spent most of the night chasing crazy teenagers who like to dress up.”
• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: Hump Day), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Destroy all that is evil," spoke the elder. "So that what is good may flourish," replied the younger.
  

Teen Angel Angst

Brittany's crystal bullhorn explodes into a thousand shards, miraculously without injuring Brittany, in the climax of "Groped by an Angel." That episode premiered nine years ago today. Maybe Brittany had a guardian angel of her own. For more on the episode, click here.

If you are for some reason curious about what was being said in this blog a year ago, click here and enjoy.

More soon. Okay, it's soon now.

Because the text tends to overlap left-mounted images using this blog format, I am adding all new fanfiction from today to the blog post from yesterday. Yes, I know this smacks of treason, but it just looks so much nicer and neater that way. Plus it forces readers to see all the goodness that popped out the day before. It's for your own good, trust me.

Okay, forget that reason because I'm going to use bullet points anyway. Let's take a look at what "Groped by an Angel" gave us to play with in the field of fanfiction topics and general discussion.

• The man who rescued Donna that snowy Christmas Eve, the one who was no ordinary roadside mechanic. What was up with this? Of course it was a regular guy, but... what if it wasn't? Think of something in the category of mechanically inclined aliens, supervillains, etc.
  
• "Angels are everywhere. They can hear you." If Quinn was correct, how could the Daria series be reinterpreted with angelic interference?
• "Some people just won't listen to logic." One of the best Quinn quotes ever. Makes you wonder what she would be like if she became highly religious in an AU or as a high-school senior. The new Sarah Palin?
• Trent and "subzero": Since when was Trent this smart? Is Max really this stupid? Speaking of Max, we need more bald-headed whiny poser Max fanfiction in which he gets killed.
• Undead deadbeat dads: anyone we know in particular? Must be a way to work this into a fanfic.
• Brian Taylor and his father: Well, now we know why the original Mrs. Taylor ran away after his birth. Brian's father clearly doesn't like him and just as clearly spoils Brittany. Given the uncomfortable similarities between Brittany and her stepmother... no, let's don't go there. That's been done to death at SFMB.
• Ball game: So, there's a baseball stadium near Lawndale? Baltimore Orioles? Philadelphia?
• "You know, I wanted a cat when I was little, but my father never let me have one. 'Dogs are for boys. Cats are for girls.' Well, you know what, Dad? I didn't want a dog, okay?" Did Jake have a dog as a kid? Why hasn't Jake gotten a cat (or cats) for the family? Would life be any different if he had, and the cat enslaved them all forever? It's happened in other fanfics, why not in near-canon?
  
• Quinn: "I think I'm very spiritual." Helen: "Yes, you take after your mother in that." Say what? How does this work? Why does Helen think she's spiritual? Because she can see spirit animals when she's on drugs, like in "The Teachings of Don Jake"?
  
• Fourteen-hour days: If Helen's really gone this long during the week, no wonder Daria doesn't think much of her.
• What if Quinn had been struck on the head by the light fixture? Mild concussion, scalp lacerations, brain injury, angst. Why hasn't anyone done the appropriate AU for this?
• Quinn talks to her guardian angel? Out loud? What if he answers back? Will she date him?
• The Trix Rabbit's secret trysts with Daria have already been discussed.
• Jamie has a creepy old aunt who smells. Maybe his parents should die so that he leaves Lawndale.
• Wonder if Sandi did have a guardian angel, and he did tell her to try the raspberry vinaigrette dressing because he wanted to make her sick. Maybe he's not a guardian angel but another kid using ventriloquism. Maybe the salad dressing in another AU causes all three of them to die or at least go into comas. That would be awesome. I mean, that would be so sad.
• Party Planet. Must remember to use that store and the salesman in a fanfic.
• Quinn asks for money, and both she and Daria get $50? This family is whacked.
• Trent really does know algebra. Damn.
• Daria: "I mean, watch the bloodshed on the evening news, and then tell me there are guardian angels." Why doesn't Quinn see what Daria sees? Selective intellectual blindness? Why doesn't Daria want to help Quinn see life more realistically? Is Quinn's happiness more important that Quinn's grasp on reality? Oddly, this issue does reflect some current psychological thinking, that optimists do not see reality as clearly as pessimists. Optimists believe they always have a chance even when they pretty clearly don't, but that perseverance sometimes saves that day. This episode, for all its problems, highlights an important distinction between Daria and Quinn, one that should be explored in more fanfiction. What if Daria came to think Quinn might be right, that there were angels?
  
• Wonder what would happen if the stupid Three Js did beat up Mr. O'Neill. I can dream, can't I?
• Mr. Taylor "borrows" from Brian's college fund to get presents for Brittany. This just looks so wrong. Plus, Brian will have a good reason to become a serial killer later in life, like next year.
• Daria: "I think what makes sense is to believe whatever makes you feel best." That just seems like such a nice thing to say, and so unlike Daria. What if Daria had said something else, like about there being no angels because they would have helped save people but obviously haven't, so Quinn becomes more depressed and realistic and thoughtful, instead of stupid. What if Quinn saw that Daria had a point? Would she take more responsibility for her actions instead of leaving it to a guardian angel to bail her out of situations?
• Quinn goes on a cyberdate. There's a whole story there waiting to be told.
• Jane doesn't like Quinn very much, but we already knew that. And Daria pretends not to like Quinn to Jane. Weird. Does Jane know it's all a front? She should, after "Monster."
  
• Jane: "How is it that [Ashely-Amber] looks and acts exactly the same age as her own stepdaughter?" Man, this is freaking me out. Maybe SFMB was right.

Your thoughts, please?