See No Quinn, Hear No Quinn, Speak No Quinn

I see that the three Js are enjoying Monkey Around Day, but just wait until they see a cute redheaded monkey and start fighting for dominance. It will be...unpleasant. Kevin will be pleased to know that Curious George is still being treated quite leniently by the Charles Darwin in the Yellow Hat.

Today is also Flag Day in the United States, and I hope that Brittany remembers that the colors are red, white and blue.

Fandom News!

• skykate shares some thoughts on "Boxing Daria."


• Vote in two new Celebrity Deathmatch polls: Atomic Betty vs. Helga Pataki and Catra vs. Ty Lee.


• easmith re-posted his DF Continuum Fanfic Author Interview.

Watch Out For Vicious Dogs!

Awww, look how happy Mr. DeMartino is for National Postal Worker Day! You can tell this was a wise career change because he has such a big smile on his face. He was never this happy when he had to teach Kevin. Good for you, Mr. DeMartino!

Today is also Monkey Day, so let's all give a big hand to Charles Darwin for always letting Curious George get away with his shenanigans.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria and Quinn Morgendorffer, by kllngjk2 (COMPLETE!): "June 3, 2023. Tonight, Daria Morgendorffer and her sister Quinn are going to Lawndale Metrodome stadium to see a Florence + the Machine concert."


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Legend of Sporting Joe, by Meester_Lee (part 10): "Daria dialed Farrah’s number and waited for someone to pick up. Was Farrah there? Would she answer? Would she be willing to talk to her, or would she just blow her off? She waited, hoping for the best while fearing the worst."

The Beauty IS the Beast!

Brittany's certainly enjoying International Monkey Day! Kevin, not so much. Jane might celebrate by recreating the incident at her fourth birthday party with the "tiny tricycle and a chimp."

If monkeys aren't your thing, then enjoy a snack for Roast Chestnuts Day! Daria's probably got some at the nut stand, but don't expect her to smile.

If you're getting "Account suspended" messages when you try to visit the PPMB, it's not just you! The message board is having technical difficulties, but the admins are working to resolve the issue. Until then, some of the links below will not work. In the meantime, chat with fans at the Lawndale-high Message Board!

Fanfic Update!

• Burned Out, by Wrabbit7 (part 15): "Once again, Mr DeMartino's class proved to be far too entertaining to sleep through."


• Danny Morgendorffer, by st91 (parts 19 - 22): "That evening, as always, the Morgendorffer family was having dinner in the kitchen. The menu featured breaded cod baked in the oven with a side tomato salad. Everything cooked by Quinn obviously."


• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (part 177): "Daria sat in her bedroom. The previous night was the last time she slept in the bed that had been her home for two years."


• My Cruddy Valentine, by Lady Evil (parts 2 and 3): "'Hey, Trent?' asked a boy in his song writing club. 'What rhymes with nauseating?'" (Part 3)

"Darwin's the monkey guy, right? I like monkeys!"

The Three Js have gotten a little too excited about All Our Uncles are Monkeys Day, which honors the anniversary of the publication of Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species on this day in 1859. I don't know if those boys have any nieces or nephews, but anyone who has seen them fighting over Quinn would say the monkey comparison is accurate.

Fanfic Update!

• Cancerous Like Me, by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "'What am I being arrested for?' asked Amy as a stocky black woman in a bailiff uniform led her into the holding cell. 'Ain't it obvious, honey?' The stocky black woman gestured at Amy slink black sequined dress."


• Cold Heart Attack (Life After Thirty), by WildDogJJ (part 2): "Jim and Elsie were in the waiting area. As they waited for word on Vito's condition Elsie paced nervously while Jim had his eyes glued to the TV set."


• Counting the Days (Daria and the Gang), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "'...in order to maximize your mental power, you must start from the bottom...as great buildings are built brick by brick, beam by beam, board by board, girder by girder and ingot by ingot, in order to tap the full powers of the human mind, you must build a foundation. The first part of this foundation involves the division of time and the working units of time. The methods I will teach you are simply the conclusion of the physical training which you have completed if you are listening to this tape - '"


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl, by Meester_Lee (part 16): "'I say, Daria, what are you doing here?' he said. Daria was almost equally surprised. 'Cuthbert?' she said. 'Is that you?'"


• Edicius, by elainefr (part 18): "'Just a minute,' Jane opened the Lane door to see a disgruntled Tom on the other side. 'Tom, hi.' 'I didn't have anywhere else to go.' He spoke in stilted tones. Jane groaned on the inside."


• Something that Mr. O'Neill Doesn't Like (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Saga Goes On), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'Damn spiders!' Timothy O'Neill snapped as he smashed another one with a rolled up newspaper. 'It's the second one of the day.'"

The Next Cheerleading Practice is Going to Be Odd

Brittany knows that today is International Monkey Day, but she looks more like a gorilla than a monkey. Still, points for trying.

It's possible that she's just being assertive in getting Kevin to take her to Chez Pierre for National Bouillabaisse Day, but I don't think she'd fit through the doors in her current size. No, Brittany, that wasn't a crack about your weight or your boob size. Please put me down now.

If Chez Pierre is too expensive for Kevin at the moment, he could just take her to his old employer, It's a Nutty, Nutty, Nutty World, for a Roast Chestnuts Day snack. Assuming the place is still in business after losing its only two employees in one day, that is.

Fandom News!

• Can you help with an issue with editing the first post in a thread?


• Debate the pros and cons of a Quentin Tarantino Star Trek.


• The 2017 Daria Fanfiction list has been updated!

"Darwin's the Monkey Guy, Right? I Like Monkeys!"

I have no idea if Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie have any nieces or nephews, but today is All Our Uncles are Monkeys Day so I guess they'll fit the bill.

They should really get over to Cashman's, because today is also Black Friday and Quinn needs someone to carry all of her shopping bags. Unless, of course, she's decided to observe Buy Nothing Day instead.

Okay, I'm done laughing now.

Fanfic Update!

• An Annoying Paradise, by Resop (part 3): "Jane looks at Daria. 'Something is wrong.' 'Is my posture off?' Jane crosses her arms and then points down the hall of TFAS from their lockers. 'Don't you see?'"


• Can You Keep A Secret? (My Annual Thanksgiving Fanfic Release - 2017!), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Hey, lady – that's a cool costume.' Stacy Rowe smiled as the young Black girl – she recognized her as Rachel Landon, Jodie's little sister – passed by and complimented her."


• Fates Entwined, by Deep Metal (part 11): "'How did it go?' asked Ted. 'Miserably,' Daria sat down at the table where the two were convening. 'Jane reacted... in the only way that made sense.'"


• The Heart of the Matter (Quinn, Season 2), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Quinn, Daria and Helen are at the table discussing Jake's care. Helen: I can handle most of the in-home care. I'll just have to cut back my hours at the firm. The real problem is what the two of you can do."


• The New J (Quinn, Season 2), by WildDogJJ (part 1): "We see Quinn seated at Jake's desk. She is wearing a dark blue business suit. On the desk is a small intercom. Quinn is going through financial statements. Quinn: (Thought VO) I didn't know Happy Herb was one of Dad's clients. It explains the cheesy commercials, though."


• Prometheus/Lingchi, by LongSnakeMoan (part 1): "'Jane, I'm so sorry. I know I was supposed to back on Thursday but I've had a meeting and there may be more to this site than we thought so I may be in Dubai for another month. I know we were due to go out for dinner that I'll have to postpone again. Unless you want to eat here, I can book you a flight.'"


• Unnamed story (LLH - Short Entries), by Brother Grimace (part 63): "'We were in Puerto Rico to cover the Canadian government's efforts to get citizens off the island before Maria hit. Not one of my idea assignments – I never cared for weather stories.'"

Just Monkeying Around

The three Js are seeing, hearing, and speaking no evil today in honor of Monkey Day! I'm not sure what Quinn's going to make of their new look, since I don't think she's into furries. Also, I bet this is probably one of Kevin's favorite holidays, considering how much he likes monkeys.

Work on the PPMB continues slowly, as you can read on the Paperpusher MB twitter feed. Fans are still chatting on The Sh33p's Fluff Message Board, too.

Fanfic Update!

• An Intellectual Conversation, by Trashcan Chan (COMPLETE!): "'Wait David,' Quinn said loudly quickly standing up out of her chair, 'Just one more thing?'"


• Night Witches, by Panzerfaust 150 (part 8): "Major General Alexandr Leontev, Soviet Army, was a very angry man. He was on a hill overlooking his engineers throwing a bridge over the Fulda River."

Where's the Man in the Yellow Hat When You Need Him?

Don't worry about Brittany and Kevin; they've having a little disagreement because today is Monkey Day, and although Kevin likes monkeys, Brittany is strenuously explaining to him that she is currently a gorilla.

That's okay, though: I'm sure they'll make up when he takes her out to Chez Pierre, because today is also National Bouillabaisse Day. Mmm. Pretentious fish soup.

Fanfic Update!

• All the Same (Dusty's Crazy Pairings Thread: taking requests), by SacredDust (COMPLETE!): "'Hol' still now,' he said gruffly. 'This is gonna itch.' Jodie just nodded. She wasn't ready to look at what he was doing just yet. She busied herself by gazing around the room. It was dark and dirty, full of unwashed piercing tools that had he'd simply tossed aside."


• Costumes (LongSnakeMoan's Fluff Thread), by LongSnakeMoan (COMPLETE!): "Anthony raises his eyes to the roof in exasperation and gives a long suffering exhale, that thing he does when he thinks I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I'm being unreasonable."


• Jane Loves a Certain Letter, by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Daria knelt down and took Jane's hand. 'Please, Jane, tell me!' 'I was stung by...' She gritted her teeth. '...a jellyfish!'"


• Just Like a Lane (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: Do What Now?), by SacredDust (COMPLETE!): "Jane regarded her unexpected guest with a sour look. 'What are you doing here? Don't you knock?' Ms. Morris leaned against the kichen doorway, arms crossed."


• Late Night Snack (Shorty Shorts), by ognawk (COMPLETE!): "Tom was in a state of fear. He was in total darkness. As he looked around, he noticed pairs of glowing eyes all around, and heard the mad whisperings and giggling of various familar voices."


• A Little Problem (1,001 Deaths of Tom Sloane - Part II), by ognawk (COMPLETE!): "Tom was sat in the kitchen of the Hemming household. Over at the counter, Cassidy Hemming's mother Melissa was preparing some tea."


• The Man Next Door, by SacredDust (part 4): "Something was wrong with Jane's mother. Daria could tell that much, and it wasn't just because she was looking to her for company."


• Tom Gets Purged (Scenes that should be: Pacific Rimmers), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "In his green silk pajamas Tom found himself pacing outside of his father's study once more, it was 8 o'clock and an hour into the Purge."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: Do What Now?), by Silver (COMPLETE!): "Sometimes, I really hate my life."


• Unnamed story (Scenes that should be: Pacific Rimmers), by Staticblast (COMPLETE!): "You don't live in Higland, Texas for half your adolescence without learning to recognize a gunshot."

Monkeying Around at a French Restaurant

Today is Monkey Day! Kevin will be happy to know this, considering his statement in "The Old and the Beautiful" that he likes monkeys--particularly Curious George. Apparently his mother isn't so much of a fan, though.

This is also National Bouillabaisse Day, which could be useful knowledge for anyone planning to dine at Chez Pierre tonight. That may include one or more of the three Js over there, but if they plan to dress as monkeys then I think Quinn will pass on that date.

Fandom News!

• Kara Wild has some bad news about the CPU usage problems at the PPMB and announces a new policy for newly registered board members.


• Take the phishing quiz and share your score in the thread!


• Do you have end of year tunnel vision? Do tell!


• Dennis found a cool update on old-school Daria fan artist Katie Cook!


• byron lomax shares questions from a student and the answers he received.


• Dervish has a question about William S. Burroughs.


• Watch the G.I. Joe: Retaliation trailer and discuss the upcoming movie in the thread.


• Roentgen started a new game: EuroInternationoGloboWorldoVision Song Contest.


• Brother Grimace started a thread about sending works to Outpost Daria.

Queen Kong

As today has been designated Monkey Day in support of our less fortunate cousins in the animal kingdom (apes and monkeys alike), Brittany (as King Kong) will be our mascot. Kind of appropriate given yesterday's topic, eh? Thanks to UU and Pinhead for the super-sized illos (click on them and see).

N0OoZ!

• Quiverwing's new game on PPMB: name your favorite Daria episodes! There will be a runoff election soon.
• Minx has art to show us: Daria as the Grim Reaper, and Daria and Jane in full color. And "Cry for a Shadow" fan art.
  
• Roentgen discovered a highly amusing website that allows you to create your own magazine cover—in this case, Daria related magazine covers.
• MidnightStorm has started an artistic Iron Chef: New Gender-Bender Characters. Draw your own version of one of the regular Daria cast as a character of the opposite sex.
• Jim North offers "State Your Preference": new signature banners for PPMB (or elsewhere) that tell the world what kind of Daria-related "sexual" you are. Just look at the thread, I can't explain it better than that.
• Pinhead has even more excellent "small jokes" for us.
• Kael Seoras created another Iron Chef: The Christmas Episode! Write out your own Very Special Christmas episode for Daria.
• NEW! The 2009 Daria Written Works/Fanfiction compilation has been updated! Only two weeks left to finish any stories not already finished!
  

FF.net

• NEW! A Haunting in Lawndale, by Kerrykhat (COMPLETE!): "Why would you be worried about us?" Jane asked, shooting Mr. O'Neill a skeptical look. "I would think Mrs. Li would be relieved to have us out of her hair." "You didn't hear about the zombie attack last night?" Mr. O'Neill asked, eyes comically wide with fear. (Daria/Buffy: The Vampire Slayer)
  
• The Problem and the Cure, by SinisterDragula (COMPLETE!): Yo. My name is Jane Lane, and I have a problem. There’s only one thing that can cure it. I’ll explain later. This is why I'm in this downward spiral.
• Seize the Day, Daria! by SinisterDragula (COMPLETE!): Jane, who had one hand on the wheel, turned to smirk at Daria. “What a beautiful night. Only thing missing is a giant tornado and a few cows trapped inside. That would make a perfect Kodak moment.”

PPMB

• Daria: Hunter—Mind over Plasma, by Jim North (continued): Artie picked himself up, a piece of the pizza falling from the back of his shirt and splatting on the floor. "I can explain everything," he said, "but we have to leave. He's almost here. He-" His eyes went wild. "He's here." [continued here]
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 20: Pet Store Peril, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): Finn wandered away from the food court and ended up at the pet store. Hey, there’s an idea, Finn thought. How hard could working with animals be? They were in cages, so it wasn’t like they could run away. Throw `em some food once in a while, tell them a sweet nothing. Hell, it’s just like dating. [continued here]
  
• Inner Universe, by Malakite (continued): Trent was humming along with the radio as he pulled into the driveway. He was home earlier than usual today, since Curtis had finally condescended to show up on time for his shift. His joyful mood at being home early enough to greet Janey on her return from school, and the humming that went with, lasted all the way to the mailbox, back into the house, and through about half the mail (most of it junk). Past Due. Notice of Default. He sliced the envelope open and read. 20 days, delinquent payments, penalties, fees... almost $3,000.
• NEW! Liberation, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): Ms. Li walked into O'Neill's class with a stack of papers in hand. As she was separating one to hand to the teacher, she jerked her hand back with a hiss of pain. "Damn, paper cut."
  
• Quinn: The Show, by Ajar (Part 1): "God, Daria! If you want me to try and find you a pity date, just come to me when I'm alone."
  
• Regifted, by Ajar (COMPLETE!): “If North Korea can brainwash a captured Marine,” Daria said, “I guess a teenage girl who's vulnerable because she's going through a tough transition can't be blamed for being a bit silly.”
• Unnamed story (Three-peat! New Ideas Thread Wins Again!), by LSauchelli (Part 1): "You think you've won Kryptonian? You believe me dead? Taste the Omega Scantion!" [Author—"This could be turned into an Iron Chef or competition of sorts to see who can write the most miserable life for Daria."]
  

MONKEY DAY! HOORAY!

Okay, this is a new one on me. Today is Monkey Day. Well, sure, why not. We had World Turtle Day, may as well have Monkey Day, too. Whatever.

Actually I am very fond of gorillas, particularly the lowland variety with that coppery-red top. I don't mean I'm "fond" of them as in "fondle," or any other penguin-related matter, just fond. I like 'em. Being a silverback would be cool. Walk around, beat my chest now and then, eat bananas, frown at tourists, sit around on my butt all day. It's a guy kinda life.

On this day, too, 36 years ago, humans last walked on the Moon. Thirty-six years. Wow.

And Mike Quinn's Ladder Theory is ten years old today.

Anyway, there's Monkey Day for you, so party like apes. Which are not monkeys, yes, I know, but apparently the holiday isn't particular about that.

By popular demand (finally!), the entire Legion of Lawndale Heroes saga might be collected into one place and made available for everyone to enjoy. Unless the Internet crashes.

Napalm Kracken has assembled the character bible for his "Welcome Back, Daria" tale. It's a fun read.

Authors Legendeld and Lawndale Stalker/Lurker are back in business! Hooray!


PPMB

• Antiestablishmentarian Hikers, by Lawndale Lurker (continued!): “We've been abandoned. Marooned. Deliberately. And judging by the looks on Li's and Morris's faces as they drove away, they're not gonna be coming back in a few minutes to say 'April Fool' and pick us up."
• Arrival, by Legendeld (Part 3): Jane Lane tossed out a wolf whistle as Quinn continued her dance on Brittany’s dining room table.
  
• Daylight: Falling From Grace - The Road to Nowhere, by Disco316 (COMPLETE!): "Charles saved me from my own stupidity, and now he’s under my feet instead of me. Life’s just a peach.”
• Heartless (Iron Chef: Evil Jane), by NightGoblyn (continued): The evilness rampages through season four, and we're almost to "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE, My Darling."
• Hell on Wheels, by Roxanne M (Part 3): The old car made an odd clunk, wheezed and then a resounding thud. Alarmed, Tom looked down at the dashboard and noticed a multitude of red lights. He attempted to restart the engine but no avail. The Pinto had breathed its last.
• Order and Chaos, by Legendeld (Part 14): “I know how you get the paint to move the way it does on your canvas. I know how you seem to always know when something is about to happen. And I know why you can do these things.”
  
• Two Halves, by Dark Kuno (Part 3): "And where does my back rest think he's going?" asked Daria.

Other Places

• The Amputee Kiss, by ninetwelve, a.k.a. Michael Pallante (COMPLETE!): A startling and different story of Daria and Jane's future.