I Bet She Puts Quinn's High Pain Tolerance to the Test Often

Everyone should wish poor Jozu a happy Beautician’s Day, and let's hope she's got enough patience to deal with someone as demanding as Quinn. Just listening to Quinn go on and on about the popularity struggles and dating scene in high school would be enough to earn her a 100% tip.

Perhaps Helen should get her hair done for her and Jake's anniversary, because it was on this day in 1975 that they made their commitment vows. Next year is the big 50, guys! Helen, maybe you could consider taking the day off work for it?

If anyone is looking for a tasty treat today, I can recommend pudding for National Chocolate Pudding Day! Just don't let it sit too long, because even Brittany and Daria can agree that pudding should never have skin.

Fanfic Update!

• Expectavi, by Ranchoth (part 6): "The dark night had thoroughly fallen long before the party reached the safehouse on the outskirts of Bluestone, Colorado."


• The F Files, by jones2000 (part 13): "'We really should get started on the lists.' 'I am.' His partner said. 'You, on the other hand, are going to bed.'"


• Miss Impossible, by janendaria4ever (COMPLETE!): "Quinn moped to her bedroom as she stridently coughed. She immediately felt the urge of vomiting as she bolted to the bathroom as rapidly as her legs could take her."

I Hope Jake Made an Extra-Special Hobbit Candle For the Occasion!

Happy anniversary to Helen and Jake, who made their commitment vows on this day in 1975! I assume that's when they got married, but "Committed" by Mike Xeno has another, more interesting take on the day.

Let's all celebrate their anniversary (maybe) with some chocolate pudding for National Chocolate Pudding Day, and join Daria and Brittany in their shared disgust for when the pudding has skin. Yuck.

Finally, here's a shout-out to Zachary for National Zachary Day! Do I mean Zachary the guy who was briefly seen being mistreated by Quinn in "Monster" or do I mean Zachary the never-seen cat belonging to the Lane family? You decide!

Fandom News!

• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch polls between Hippity Hopper and the Giant Jackrabbit from The Beverly Hillbillies or Alice Kramden and Edith Bunker.


• Check out Daria's return to comics (sort of).


• Has the moment for the Jodie spinoff passed?

Thank Goodness for Quinn's High Pain Tolerance for Hair-Care Treatments!

Let's wish a happy Beautician's Day to Jozu and all the other long-suffering workers who have to endure Quinn's endless prattling as they do their best to make her look perfect--or at least cuter than Sandi. If you visit the beautician today, remember to tell them which show you want your style from. Or you could just offer to buy some scissors from them.

Today is also National Chocolate Pudding Day, and I join Brittany and Daria in hoping that your pudding doesn't have any skin on the top. Ewwww.

Finally, happy anniversary to Jake and Helen, who made their "Vows of Commitment" on this day in 1975. I hope Jake got Helen something better than a misshapen hobbit candle this time.

Fanfic Update!

• Cuckoos On Infinite Earths, by Smijey (part 19): "Daria and Jane hadn't expected to be watching the new Pope's address live, but then again, back in high school they had campaigned the yearbook staff to have her be titled Most Likely To Be The Literal Anti-Christ."


• Daria's Great Adventure, by dmsfanman (part 5): "Daria stood looking out over the rim of the crater recording video. The display in her helmet showed the view through the camera attached to her chest plate."


• Jersey Sure (Quinn, Season 4), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "We see Jim's Camaro driving along the street. Cut to inside and we see Jim driving while Quinn's in the passenger seat. They're on their way home from a night out. Quinn: Thanks for taking me to Cest La Ve, Jim." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Proof through the Esteem, by WalterKovacs (COMPLETE!): "'Girls, I just want you to know that your mother and I both realize it's not easy moving to a new town,' started Jake Morgendorffer from behind the wheel of his car."


• Unnamed story (All-Purpose Creative Writing Thread: Seven), by Aloysius (part 1): "David looked at the growing white mass ahead of them and froze in shock. His son, Nigel, saw his father's expression fall momentarily, then it solidified again as he looked at his family and the other refugees gathered around him."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria and Jodie are best friends), by Roentgen (part 2): "The car pulled up to the dual garage of the Morgendorffer residence. It was a Jaguar XJ30. Daria could see through the window that Andrew Landon and Jodie Landon were ready to pick her up."


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by peapotmaster (COMPLETE!): "DARIA: Dad, what is the name of this camp again? JAKE: Your mom said it is called Camp Campbell."


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "'More coffee! Please!' Charles shouted. 'Daria?' Jane asked, noticing Daria had yet to touch her drink. 'I've never had coffee.' Daria answered, 'Amy said a young lady shouldn't drink stimulants.'"

Jake Has Shown Forty-One Years of Fortitude and Counting!

Helen and Jake are celebrating their wedding anniversary today, and I'm sure they're feeling just as free-spirited and laid-back as the day they first made their Vows of Commitment. For a really fun take on Jake and Helen's "wedding," see Mike Xeno's "Committed."

Fandom News!

• Share your favorite cringeworthy moments in the Facepalm of the Day thread.


• What do you think of Nabisco outsourcing production of Oreos?


• At last, there's a new Lawndale Lowdown Podcast!

I'm Sure Jake Made a Hobbit-Shaped Candle for the Occasion

Happy anniversary to Helen and Jake, who celebrate forty years of marriage today! You can see their Vows of Commitment and marvel at how far those idealistic lovebirds have come. In what direction they've gone is up to you to decide.

One of my favorite fanfics, Mike Yamiolkoski's "Committed," revolves around Helen and Jake's wedding (or lack thereof), and if you haven't read it then I highly recommend it.

Fanfic Update!

• Exorcise in Futility, by Kristen Bealer (part 3): "'JIM'S PAINTBALLING JUNGLE,' read the huge banner, '5 MASSIVE PLAYING FIELDS.' 'Oh, I remember this place!' Jake exclaimed as they got out of the cab. 'I think we all do,' Timothy said, looking around nervously."


• Lies of Life, by Princess_Pasta (part 9): "Helen hastily shut the book, unwilling to continue reading any further. It was one thing to feel like Daria and her were growing further apart. It was another to have the evidence written down in ink."


• The Loneliness of Alex, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "Alex Griffin arrived at Lawndale High as she had usually over the previous month. She walked as quickly as she could towards the buildings. However, as she approached, she noticed two unfamilar teens emerging from a blue Lexus."


• A Time For Us, by aeverett (part 5): "'You find defacing a teacher's personal property funny, Miss.. Barksdale?' Principal Angela Li asked the young woman sitting across from her who'd been attempting to stave off a chuckle unsuccessfully."

"So, Jake. You're still with Helen, huh? Shows remarkable fortitude."

Happy anniversary to Helen and Jake Morgendorffer, who were married on this day in 1975. Check out their Commitment Vows! They've, uh, changed a bit since then. I just hope Jake got Helen a better present than a disfigured Hobbit this year.

If you haven't already done so, I highly recommend you read Mike Yamiolkoski's fanfic Committed. If you have already read it, then read it again. It's that good.

Fandom News!

• CR85747 would like to discuss Daria and Philosophy.


• Who would win in a fight between J. R. Ewing and Alexis Carrington-Colby?


• Talk about Euro 2012 in the Weapons of Mass Distraction forum.


• Greystar ponders the ends of the worlds as we know them.


• Post your thoughts on The Lawndale Tango in a new Golden Oldies thread.

"The Revolution Begins with Us"?

Happy anniversary to Helen and Jake, married on this day in 1975. Read their complete vows, which they have just done a bang-up job following through on. Cough.

Mike Yamiolkoski wrote an excellent fanfic, Committed, that makes excellent use of those vows and their repercussions. I won't say anything more specific, but read it now if you haven't already! (And if you have read it, go read it again!)

Poor Helen probably has pretty low expectations for today, considering Jake's past history. Hopefully he's learned a few things since their first anniversary--maybe this time the candle will actually look like a hobbit. God help Jake if he forgets the day entirely, though!

Congratulations on thirty-six years of marriage, Helen and Jake! In the wise words of Aunt Amy, that shows remarkable fortitude.

35 Years of Wedded Something-or-other

It's been thirty-five years to the day. How time flies. Congratulations, Helen and Jake, for making it this long without going completely insane. Or driving your children insane. Good show. Click on the image for the full-size thing.

We ought to make this a fandom holiday. I should check to see what fanfics have been done about Helen and Jake's wedding or whatever it was. BRB.

LATER: Back. Here are some fanfics that mention or describe the commitment ceremony, however briefly, in no particular order.

• Psychoed, by Thomas
• Fireworks, by C.E. Foreman
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 2: Let's Get Physicals! by HolyGrail2007
• Finn Morgendorffer 50: Matters of State, by HolyGrail2007
• Falling into College 24: Silver Lining, by RLobinske (25th anniversary in 2000)
• Falling into College 72: Valley of Love and Delight, by RLobinske (Daria and Michael got married on this day seven years ago!)
• Knockin' on Heaven's Gate, by Northampton
  
• Driven Wild Universe: The Age of Cynicism, by Kara Wild (see end notes)
  
• The Winters of Those Gone Before, by Brother Grimace (X-rated, so no link)
• Snowflakes
• and a nameless but wonderful ficlet by A.J.
  

Some years ago I recall reading another by Mike Xeno, but it seems to have vanished. Rats. Moar soon.

ANOTHER LATE NOTE: Found it!

• Committed, by Mike Xeno

Hooray!

YET ANOTHER LATE NOTE: Almost OVER 175,000 HITS on this blog! Thank you, everyone!

PPMB

• Daria: Hunter 6—Infectious, by Jim North (continued): "Mack Daddy? Hey, Mack Daddy! Can you hear me, Mack Daddy? Hellooooooo? Mack Daddy, Mack Daddy, Banana Fanna Bo Baddy, Me Mi Mo Maddy! Mack Daddy!" Finally losing his temper, Mack slammed the bottom of his fist against the transparent plasteel wall of the cell. "Shut up!" he yelled at the man on the other side. "I told you to stop calling me that!" Kevin Thompson's eyes grew wide at the display, and he held his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, bro! Didn't mean to bother you, bro! You okay, bro? Are we cool?"
• NEW! Finn Morgendorffer 50: Matters of State, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): “Well done, Finn.” Rita kissed him on the cheek. “Ballsy move, throwing to that guy,” Amy remarked. It was praise, in her own special way. “This is an accomplishment you’ll remember your whole life, I still can’t believe it’s happened,” Helen noted. She was looking very oddly at Aunt Rita. Wouldn’t she be surprised to figure out Rita’s the one who stood up to Mr. O’Neill and broke him down.
• NEW! Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): "Heeeey, babe," Kevin Thompson said as smoothly as he could, his dopey bedroom eyes in full effect. "Yes, Kevvie?" Brittany Taylor cooed back, her bubblepop voice turned just a couple of notches down from its usual squeak. "I totally got something, like, extra special for this field trip." Brittany's heart skipped a beat as visions of jewelry and other delights began to dance in her head. "Oh?" she said nonchalantly. "And what would that be, sweetie-Kevs?" "Well, I'll show you," he said seductively, then reached up to grab his duffel bag from the overhead rack. He pulled the zipper across with a flourish, then slowly put his hand inside and pulled out a wrapped package to hand to his excited girlfriend. "Oh, Kevvie!" Brittany squealed as she tore open the wrapper. "It's... it's... it's a paintball mask?!"
  
• Stolen, by Malakite (Part 1): She had been in science class, twirling a finger through her blonde hair as she listened with half an ear to those two little trolls give an offensive but technically correct account of the shuttle disaster. Then the little pyros had set off a firecracker... and then... and then... she decided to look around. At first she didn't see anything. She came to believe it was because there was nothing to see, then at last she realized with a sense of somewhat dull shock that she had no eyes to see with.
• Unnamed story (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by LSauchelli (teaser): Daria touched the wall where the vortex was supposed to be. She couldn't find any way to activate it, she guessed there was some sort of password that opened the portal. Not that she wanted to have anything to do with it just yet. "You're still hurt from your encounter with the Joker. I will be up all night, so I want someone to watch over my sister." "But—" "I pay you to do what I say, not what you find convenient," she said and sighed. "Go, sleep now, help Quinn later."

"I Do." "I Do." And They Did.

We have a sweet day for couples in the fandom today. This is the 34th anniversary of the day that Helen Barksdale and Jake Morgendorffer did whatever it was they did when they allegedly got married (according to The Daria Diaries), though at least one fanfic writer has speculated that they weren't actually married at all. Here the happy duo re-enacts a scene from the 1939 epic movie, Gone with the Wind, with Jake as Rhett Butler and Helen as Scarlett O'Hara. For more on the actual wedding, click here.

Here is a curio. On this day, 139 years ago, then-President Ulysses S. Grant signed into law a bill making Christmas a federal holiday. Imagine that, it wasn't a federal holiday for about a century before then. Boston even outlawed it when it was part of the British colony of Massachusetts (see this story). What did the Holiday Island teen known as Christmas do before then?

Today is also the [deep breath] United Nations International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking, and this is relevant here because there is an interview on the MTV website of Daria and Quinn's reactions to the 2000 movie Traffic. Daria gets it, and Quinn doesn't, of course.

"I Did"

THIRTY-THREE YEARS AGO TODAY...

. . . Helen Barksdale and Jake Morgendorffer recited their commitment vows and were married, or whatever. If it wasn't official, they're common-law spouses so it doesn't matter anyway. They celebrated their 23rd anniversary in The Daria Database, and ten years later, we must ask: Are they still alive, together, and as much in lust as they were when we last saw them? Or have they finally ditched each other and gone on to hotter and better things?

FF.net

• Box to the Future, by Smileyfax (Part 1): Ooooooooo, this one had better be finished soon, it is sooooo good. DO IT!!!

PPMB

• Avenging, by Lorenzo Sauchelli (Part 14): "What happened?" "We call it a world extinction event."
• False Starts, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): Three gripping views of alternate Darias and their very alternate situations.
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): Anthony DeMartino has an idea for a way to help students concentrate. (Oooo, this was evil.)
• Stage Fright, by NightGoblyn (Part 2): Oh, mercy, that was evil. Bad Jane! Bad! And poor Anastasia! (But she deserved it.)
  
• Swan Song, by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): "Of course, the very next day Ms. Li held an assembly to talk about the glory and honor Sandi was bringing to Lawndale High as a world leader.”

And the latest DariaWiki entry: Kyle Armalin's ex-wife. Why do you think they got divorced? Put your answer in Comments. Bonus points awarded for originality and questionable taste, as always.

Peace out.