Vive le Brittany!

Brittany's here to celebrate Bastille Day with that lonely foreign exchange student that she'd really prefer you not tell Kevin about. Considering the grip she's got on that sword, I'd do as she asks.

We also celebrate a double episode anniversary today, with "The Teachings of Don Jake" in 1997 and "Lane Miserables" in 1999. Both episodes are notable in that we get to see rare glimpses of the Lane family beyond Jane and Trent. Not that Jane and Trent enjoyed either experience very much.

Fandom News!

• Can you answer some questions about books in the Medieval world?


• Shiva fills in some gaps in the episode "Murder, She Snored."


• Kem shared a link to an article, "The forgotten early history of fan fiction," that includes Daria fandom.


• Join the discussion on "Season 20" of Daria.


• Erin M. announces a new podcast that may seem familiar if you read fanfic.

Vive la France!

Brittany's getting into the spirit of Bastille Day, but that probably has more to do with that foreign exchange student than any love of French history. Also, she wants to make sure everyone knows that, even though it's National Nude Day, she's still only going to do a nude scene if it's crucial to her character.

Today is also the anniversary of both "The Teachings of Don Jake" in 1997 and "Lane Miserables" in 1999. Both episodes gave us a glimpse into the Lane family, and neither of them was a pleasant experience for either Jane or Trent.

Fanfic Update!

• ASPS 3, by PrecambrianStudios (COMPLETE!): "'What the ever-living heck is going on over there?!' exclaimed a shocked Gage into his cell phone as he stared at Jane's TV. 'It's all over the news! What on Earth happened? It's never been this bad before!'"


• The Chymical Wedding of Daria Morgendorffer, by EntrancedCat (part 1): "'Jane, I can help with your chemistry homework but you've got to quit raving about phlogiston.' Daria insisted as she and Jane bent over the books in Daria's room."


• ЭШФИЛД, by Shad_Tkhom (COMPLETE!): "Дарья шла следом за Джейн и ругала себя за деликатность и робость, которые решили проявить себя во всей красе и, как всегда, крайне не вовремя."


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 6a): "Stacy walked down the hall with Quinn, not really listening to her friend. She was smiling and almost skipping. Last weekend had been great."


• Redux, by Princess_Pasta (part 20): "Quinn dropped down in her usual seat across from Daria, already fully dressed and made up. The strangest part was how far away it was from her usual choice of attire. A black halter top, acid-washed jeans, and chunky wedge shoes Daria wasn't sure she'd ever seen her wear before."


• A Time For Us, by aeverett (part 7): "'Have you noticed anything weird about Janey lately?' Trent queried, around a spoon full of cereal."


• Unnamed story ('Iron Chef' for Robyn & all comers - 'The First Ten Minutes'), by Meester_Lee (part 1): "There was indeed a female in the stasis pod. It was difficult to tell much about her. She had pale skin, long straight hair, and was wearing some sort of high-necked garment of an unfamiliar cut."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: The Madness Sets In), by Silver (COMPLETE!): "The robed figure allowed itself a hissing chuckle. 'Come now, Daria,' it rasped, drawing out the final 'a' in her name, 'We both know your sister's comparison of the situation to Buffy is wrong.'"


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'You know, there's really no limit to what you'll say or do in order to get laid, is there?'"


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "From her throne, Daria pronounced, 'Now, gentlemen, I will announce today's plan of action.'"


• ВАРИАЦИИ, by Shad_Tkhom (COMPLETE!): "Джейн ни­как не мог­ла по­нять са­му се­бя — на са­мом де­ле у них с То­мом всё шло к то­му что­бы рас­стать­ся. Нап­ря­жение меж­ду ней и Сло­уном толь­ко рос­ло, а она не мог­ла не за­мечать, что То­ма яв­но и нед­вусмыс­ленно тя­нет к Дарье."


• WLTAP CH.4, by ST91 (parts 2 and 3): "'Well, here we are kids. That's our new home. Casa Lane,' said Vincent to his two children as they came down from the car." (Part 3)

Vive la France!

David: But when the workers stormed the Bastille, they only found seven prisoners, and one of them was the Marquis de Sade.

Quinn: Eww.

David: That's more or less the way they felt.

Happy Bastille Day! Brittany is demonstrating her deep love for French people and their culture, which I'm sure has nothing to do with that lonely exchange student who needed an American goodbye.

Today is also the anniversary of the airing of both "The Teachings of Don Jake" in 1997 and "Lane Miserables" in 1999. Both involved a certain amount of fantasizing, but in only one episode were those fantasies glitterberry-induced. Unless Daria's hiding something from everyone.

Fanfic Update!

• Abattoir Blues (1): The Hitman and Her, by LongSnakeMoan (part 7): "'I apologise if this seems excessive, however Mr Caruso insisted that this conversation be a private one. My name is Bogdan Golovin and if Mr Caruso is correct then you are Mr DeMartino and Miss Lane and you are here to purchase weapons for the young lady. So firstly Miss Lane, have you ever owned or used a gun before?'"


• Birthday Card (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Tom Sloane slowly awoke in his bed, fresh off of his second year at Bromwell and back home in the Crew Neck for the summer, the sun was out and bright, but with his parents out of town and his sister in Europe 'finding herself, he had the whole house to himself. He then turned to look at his companion and amended that thought with, 'Well, we have the house for the month.'"


• A Chaotic Shiny Tarot Reading, by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane exchanged a look and a shrug and went inside. The inside of the tent was lit from a pair of open flaps near the top and decorated simple, moderately sized tapestries, not the in-your-face gaudy that was the stereotype of traveling shows. 'Would you be interested in having your cards read?' The lady who asked was on the high side of middle aged. 'You never know what they’ll tell you.'"


• Diagnosis (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by breitasparrow: "How can this be? I’m only twenty-four years old. How much longer will I have to paint? Her thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock on her door. 'Come in,' Jane said. Daria walked in and sat down on the bed. From the tone of Jane’s voice over the phone, she could tell there was not-so-good news to be told."


• Dreddful Dreams (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Every light in Bromwell went off at once. 'This is the Headmaster. Somewhere on campus is a commoner.'"



• A Dull Boy, by DeacBlue: "Daria looked up from her computer and glared at Quinn. 'What is it now?'"


• Ethan Yeager in Lawndale: Ch 9 Soaking Up Summer, by Shiva (part 2): "Then something very unusual happened, for the first time since the night of his arrival, Willow’s voice went for airy and happy to something else. Flat and robotic. 'Kay called today,' she said with eyes downcast at her food, and everything stopped like someone had pushed the pause button."


• The Further Adventures of Ivo Morgendorffer (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Walter Kovacs (COMPLETE!): "Eventually, Both Daria and Ivo walked into the waiting room. After about ten minutes of whispered insults and glaring at each other, the two were called in to speak with Ms. Manson After the introductions and obligatory speech about what the tests would be about, Mrs. Manson pulled out a picture of a man and a woman and showed it to Ivo. 'Now, Ian, what do you see here?' she asked."


• The Hearts Within, by neonhomer (part 6): "Stacy just nodded. She thought of the perfect way to introduce the subject. 'You mom is going to set the appointment up for me so I can go after school.' 'Appointment for what?' asked Jane. 'Pregnancy check.' Said Stacy. Jane stopped in her tracks."


• Immortal Blood, by Shiva (parts 4 and 5): "'I was just having fun.' Skylar offered up weakly in defense of his appearance. Felix just laughed at that and replied, 'Of course you were, when darkness began to fall the world truly opened up for you, it happens to all Newborns when they first begin to come into themselves.' 'Newborns?' Skylar asked in hushed tones, feeling as though he was missing something obvious." (Part 5)



• Kevin Delivers (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'...Trent have you seen my, AHHHH!' Jane screamed as she walked into the Lane's living room and beheld something she'd rather not have."


• Kinetic Adventures, by MetalShadowX (part 8): "'Oh, don't forget, you have to tutor those kids at 4.' 'How could I forget, considering who signed me up?' 'No need to thank us for convincing your counselor that it would improve your social skills.' Rio proudly smiled."


• The Kissing Book, by DeacBlue (parts 2 - 4): "Daria's emptiness consumed her. Although Tom Sloane's Special Permit, given to his family for their support in the Korean War, allowed him the right to choose any bride he wished, she had let him know the night that they met at the Zon that she did not and would not love him." (Part 3) (Part 4)


• The Last Splash, by DeacBlue (COMPLETE!): "'A little girl went down to the edge of the lake, one summer,' said Daria, throwing a stone into the water. 'It had been very hot, so there was a wide place where the water barely covered the mud. Lots of little girls and boys were playing in the mud, so the girl, as was her custom, sat down and watched what the other children did. It seemed that they had invented a game of throwing rocks in the mud.'"


• Lawndale and Sandi Griffin’s Genie (Chapter 7), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "The squirrel appeared on the top of a fence and lost its grip of the emerald. He fell down one side and the emerald, the other. By the time it had clambered over the fence, he saw that three humans had it. ‘I’ll need reinforcements,’ he thought."



• Misery Machine, by NightGoblyn (part 1): "'What's wrong, Daddy?' 'What, Sweetie?' Jake looked up from his bowl and tried to smile again. 'Nothing, nothing is wrong. Everything is just . . . I lost a client yesterday.'"


• The New Cellmate (Scenes no Daria fanfic should ever have: Trip Cyclone), by Doggieboy (COMPLETE!): "'What's going on here?' Charles asked the policeman. 'This is jail, not a kiddie care center.' The officer sneered at the prisoner. 'We found your blood brother and decided that you two would be safer if you were in solitary - together.' He chuckled. 'Unless you two want to be put into the general population...'"


• Nurse Goodnsexy Returns! (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'Aww my poor Jakey,' Helen Morgendorffer cooed to her husband as he rested in bed, laid out with a bad flu bug, 'I know that you’re sick but I have this big meeting at the office...'"


• Operation Glitterberries, by BF110C4 (chapter 7, part 4 and chapter 8, part 1): "Melody smiled as she heard a simple set of footsteps, her gambit has been successful, by turning the alarm on in her doppelganger’s room and in the TV she had managed to separate both operatives. She had already opened the curtain and stood in front of the bathroom’s door. Once he passed with his back to the bath she would strike." (Chapter 8, part 1)


• Particularly Proud (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Kaiden stirred in his sleep a little after his father kissed him lightly on the forehead and whispered 'Good night son.' before walking quietly out of his son's room, but left the door open just a crack to let the hallway light in."



• Quinn's Lab (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Reven384 (COMPLETE!): "Sandi was strapped to a table unable to move as her restraints were metal. This annoyed the girl as she was blindfolded. She felt soft hands touch her face before removing the blindfold. That was when she noticed Quinn wearing some kind of electronic eye wear and a lab coat."


• Real Criminalés (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "All through the abandoned factory on the outskirts of town, they and the friends in 'The Circle' were having fun with their victims, chosen on the basis that they deserved to die."


• Sexy Daria: Sexy Cute Models, by Shiva (part 4): "Daria was there as well, having a good time with Skylar who had proven to be something of a surprise for Jane. 'You know I have to admit that Daria’s been good for him.' Jane said quietly to herself as she found a nice quiet corner to observe everything, 'He hasn’t been quite the smarmy dude he used to be.'"


• A Special Message (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Hi this is Skylar Feldman, and contrary to the rumors and the gossip I am not a psycho!"



• Tiffany's True Blood Moment (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Tiffany Blum-Deckler: 'It willlll beeee reeeealllly shiiiineeey outtttt sinnnceee theee suuuunnn willlll beeee outtttt.'"


• Transfer Students, by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Jodie just smiled a little as Angela tried to dig herself out of the corner she had boxed herself in and just gave more stock answers, hoping that whoever had come to their school from Grove Hills didn't suck like the ones she had had the misfortune of dealing with. 'My god,' Jodie thought to herself as Li wrapped up the meeting, 'If these two are anything like that Graham character I might have to hurt someone.'"


• Unexpected Hookup: A Bigger Bite, by Shiva (part 5): "'And did you hear about what happened in the halls a few minutes ago?' Stacy asked with a cutesy giggle. 'What?' Quinn asked in turn while applying makeup. 'Your, like, cousin or whatever and her boyfriend Ronnie had a major intimate moment in front of everyone.' 'What?!'"


• Unnamed story (IC : Daria and the School of Magic), by Waylander (COMPLETE!): "'What can I do for you, Mr. Carver?' 'Professor Barksdale, I’d like to inform you that you’ve been appointed as Mage Evaluation officer. We already sent you everything you’ll need, including the results of the student’s Franklin's Test.'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): "What was that noise? It sounded like a car backfiring. No, it sounded like a gun, I know, there was this time in Highland . . . . Students, there is a shooter in the building. This is not a drill, this is not . . . oh, God!"


• We Don't Talk About It... (Iron Chef: Fresh takes on Veronica Morgendorffer), by peetz5050 (part 2): "It was not a pleasant trip, it rained most of the way and everyone sat in their own personal pit of silence. As they neared their destination the sun finally broke through the cloud cover but it was watery and wan, no defense against the chill wind that cut mercilessly through any layers of clothing and seemed to get into their bones. They all half ran from the parking lot up to the imposing front door of the Victorian mansion that served as the entrance to the austere modern facility behind it."


• Worked At It (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'Why should we work at it when we are already getting bored?' Tom stared at Daria for a long time. And then he pulled up his hands as if they were holding a shotgun, going 'cha-CHIK"'"

Vive la France!

Happy Bastille Day! It's France's national holiday, which commemorates the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille in 1789.

Brittany seems pretty into the holiday, although that might have something to do with that lonely exchange student to whom she gave an American goodbye. Come to think of it, could the exchange student have actually been Bastille Day, visiting from Holiday Island? Or do I just need to get more sleep?

Ah, well. Whatever you do, don't get too close to Brittany while she's holding that sword!

David and Quinn share their thoughts on Bastille Day in Is It Fall Yet?:

David: But when the workers stormed the Bastille, they only found seven prisoners, and one of them was the Marquis de Sade.

Quinn: Eww.

David: That's more or less the way they felt.

New Fanfic!

• 86 Bottles of Beer: I Spy, with My Extra Eye, by Kristen Bealer (part 1): "'Chief?' Kevin asked as he entered the office of the Chief of CONTROL. 'People usually have two eyes, right?' The Chief sighed. 'This again? Look, we've been over this. We even came up with that little song to help you remember. It goes, "I've got two eyes, I've got one nose, I've got two ears, I've got ten toes—"' '—The song's great and all, Chief, but this morning I saw this chick with three eyes! Is there a song about that?'"


• Betrayal! in E Minor (Iron Chef! The Musical), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "Daria: 'I kissed your boyfriend, and I really regret it...' Jane: 'You kissed my boyfriend... how do I forget it?'"


• Calm Upon The Brow, Storm Behind The Glasses (Iron Chef - Going Ranger), by Brother Grimace (part 1): "Damnit, Daria, do you have to make everything a competition? the cute redhead snorted inwardly. They were right to see your element is water - always so calm up on top, but God, the things that come up from the depths of your mind... not to mention that you're so cold to almost everyone, and that you can turn deadly in a heartbeat..."


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "Raven: No. I know what you're going to suggest, and I don't want to go there. Starfire: But they have been with us since the beginning. Perhaps they have noticed something that has failed to catch our attention."


• Daria, or the Confession of a Single Lonely Male, by Arena del Sur: "Oh, do not scowl at me, reader, I do not intend to convey the impression that I did not manage to be happy. Reader must understand that, lord and master of a wolphet, the traveler think of stand, as it were, beyond happiness. For there is no other bliss on earth comparable to that drift in the company of a wolphet."


• First impressions (Iron Chef - A competent Dr. Manson), by JPAGC (COMPLETE!): "“Please, Daria, take a seat”, said Manson after closing the door. She went round the desk and sat in a stuffed chair while Daria let her bag drop to the ground and took place in one of the two chairs in front of the desk. 'So...' the psy started. 'So...?' answered Daria after a few seconds, her face closed."


• Homeless Daria Episode 3: A College Try Gives Me Blisters, by RX-87 (part 11): "Daria turned to see her friend, clad in an indigo sports bra and sky blue cotton panties, peeling off her leggings to reveal pale, toned legs decorated with more homemade tattoos and caught herself staring at them, feeling embarrassed at herself. 'Those are nice.' Daria said, then added hastily, 'Uh. The tattoos, I mean. You drew them yourself, right?'"


• Not So Different 65: Is There A Home Plate?, by J-D (COMPLETE!): "That was odd. What was he doing asleep at 4:07? Or rather, now that his mind started to focus, what was he doing waking up at 4:07? Unless it was 4:07am ... but in that case, when had he gone to bed? Simple: he hadn't formally gone to bed, he had just fallen asleep while on Sonny's bed, and now it was four-oh-se-oops."


• Not So Different 66: 'When The Bummers Bum ...', by J-D (COMPLETE!): "Sonny's face returned to its usual deadpan for a moment, and then another odd expression came over it as he asked Helen whether they'd had a refrigerator box, like the one in the yard, when he'd been younger. He said he remembered spending a lot of time playing in one. 'Oh, I doubt that, Sonny', she said. 'I don't remember you doing much playing at all.' When she saw the look on his face she thought, And I was doing so well!"


• Quinn's Code 03: Cafe Geekdale, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "Ms. Li entered her office and immediately the phone began to ring. 'Who could this be, that can barely wait to call Lawndale High?' she asked. She picked up the phone. She was immediately blasted by some ranting. 'Calm down, and repeat what you just said!'"


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "Jane rolled down the window as their cloud pulled up to the drive up speaker, turned to her friend and asked: 'So, Daria, how do You want your first burnt offering and what kind?' 'Extra well done. And make it graphite. Pennsylvania graphite.' 'And gravy?' 'On the side.' 'Potato?' 'Baked. With nectar, ambrosia and sour cream. No chives.'"


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "Oh God. Oh shit. I remember. And yet even as the memories begin to flood back into me like an acidic wash, somehow burning and freezing me at the same time, I don't stop the movie. I watch in horrid fascination as the events unfold, unable to reach out and silence the set, unable to quiet the player. I have to see. I have to hear. I have to keep remembering."


• Trial (Iron Chef: Trial of the Century), by GlitterShrooms (COMPLETE!): "Lights. Flashing lights everywhere. 'Whores! Murderers! Give them the chair! The Chair!!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef - Jodie the Inventor), by Chris Tucker (part 8): "'Lane, what's the latest on that high temperature alloy you was workin' on? That last batch of steel barely lasted 30 minutes afore the whizbang blew up an knocked me on my ass. Aw, hell, grab a sandwich and git up here. Ya can tell me all about it over lunch. You bring the beer, and a Coke fer Josephine while yer at it. See ya.' Miss Landon had walked over to the blackboard and was talking to herself. '... ceramics. Ceramic coatings for the vanes and... yes, there's the problem! The pulse disrupts the airflow. Buffer it... yes!'"


• The Verdict (Iron Chef: Trial of the Century), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "The media was swarming the courthouse, fighting for space amongst the assembled crowd. Many signs were in evidence, most demanding death but some defending the accused. Inside the courthouse, insulated from storm of public opinion, the judge sifted through the notes he had before him and sighed before calling the court to order."


• Zombie Cards...or, A New Weapon, by Doggieboy (part 2): "'John - Mr. Hobbs - he's healed!' That was the one comment that Tan didn't expect and she gawked at Scarlett. 'Say what?' she asked. 'How is that even possible? All zombie bite wounds are fatal! That's what the news channels have been saying since day two!' Scarlett swallowed and shook her head again. 'I don't know how it happened,' she said. 'It just did.'"

Vive le Brittany!

Today is Bastille Day, as Brittany so ably reminds all Francophiles, but it is also the 13th premiere anniversary of "The Teachings of Don Jake" and the 11th premiere anniversary of "Lane Miserables." Good stuff all around. I am not sure how we could celebrate all three of these events at once, but I am sure there will be found a way in this fandom.

PLUS, it is the 99th birthday anniversary for William Hanna, of Hanna-Barbera cartoons (now owned by Warner Brothers), and National Nude Day (sorry, no images—oh, fine, okay, just one image—click here).

Still running behind. Moar l8r. Okay, now it's l8r, and it's time for...

N00OoZ!

• An alert reader has pointed us toward another snarky Jezebel.com essay on Daria. I will collect these and add them to the Director4y at left before too long. Thank you!
• The Midwest DariaCon 2010 is One Month Away! Click on the link and make your travel plans.
• A DariaCon in Europe in October? Could be possible. Read and sign up, then get your tickets.
• NEW! C.E. Forman continues to thrill and amaze with his display of Daria collectibles. Oh, my kingdom for the life-size Jane RealDoll with the power drill! God bless America!
• NEW! Chris Tucker is still looking for air vents in Daria's room. No, seriously. Great thread.
  

And we will also attempt to fill out the extremely late list of Daria fanfiction, about three or four days overdue. My apologies for this tardiness. Keep checking in throughout the day as I add more stuff, and feel free to suggest or correct anything you see here. (All done now.)

FF.net (COMPLETE AT LAST!)

• College Wry, by LibertyxIsxLove (Part 4): Quinn cleared her throat. "So... er, we were gonna talk about Tiffany?" "Oh, right! You said she was in with a bad crowd or something?" Sandi was making an effort to be involved, but her eyelids were slowly drooping. "We don't know exactly," Quinn admitted. "But you know how it's been, she keeps not showing up when we make plans, and acts all secretive when we ask her about it. Plus, she started painting her nails gray." Stacy cringed and Sandi sighed, "I noticed that." She leaned in closer to Quinn. "The last time I was at her house, she had three bottles of Juicy perfume, and she hadn't opened any of them. They were just lying around like... like garbage!" "Those poor Juicy bottles!" Stacy grieved.
  
• The Daria Daze, by Kurt Dale (Parts 1 and 2): Daria could still taste the cheesy delight on her tongue as she lazily heaved her suitcase onto the bed. Her black, circular glasses falling to the edge of her nose, the usual sigh ensued. This was it. Daria was going to college, it was a chance to make new friends, stop being anti-social, have a real go at life. Daria's lip twitched at the thought that even she knew this wouldn't happen. Picking up a tattered, dog-eared copy of Jane Eyre and a demo tape made by Mystik Spiral, Daria wondered what would her new accommodation would be like, she imagined four walls, a perky blonde roommate, various undergarments strewn about the room, in her imagination she added some rough furniture and a computer. A drab visage. Daria liked the thought of a nice, normal, quiet dorm. Minus the blonde.
• The InDark, by Mediancat (Parts 26 and 27): Flattop had been looking for about forty-five minutes. It was an airport, so he was expecting this. He'd moved past the United Terminal and had to veer around a major scene – four beings, magic in some way, had killed themselves in the middle of things. All this security here meant there'd be less elsewhere. Good news for him. Still, he didn't breathe easy until he was past the dopes from security. Bunch of would-be flatfoots, the lot of them, but that didn't mean one of them might not see him and figure out something was going on. Up ahead, in the distance, he saw a dame that looked like his target. He kept her in sight but far enough back so she wouldn't catch wise. (Daria/ Buffy tVS/ Angel/ Dick Tracy)
  

PPMB

• Behind the Scenes in a Daria Fanfic, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Yo, Daria, you in there?" A monotone mumble came from behind the bedroom door. "I'll take that as a yes." said Jane as she pushed open the door. "What's up, amiga... OHMYGOD! What happened to you? You look like crap on a crap cracker"! Jane was being kind. Daria, sitting on the side of her bed, looked exhausted. Her normally shiny auburn hair was lank and greasy and limp. She smelled bad. Her skin was pale and sweaty. A bucket was at her feet. "It was another fanfic, Jane." "Oh, dear lord! Was there... 'inappropriate touching'?"
• Crawly Things in the Night, by Ticknart (COMPLETE!): Dearest Friends (and others), From the ashes, like the phoenix of old, JaneCam rises again! With a new webcam and a domain all its own, this'll be the best JaneCam until the next version hits the web, after my first million. Until that time comes, tell your friends, and other people you've met at your fancy colleges, to come, visit, click, watch, enjoy, and pay me money. After all, you're my friends and if I can't exploit you and your connections to people I never have to, or want to, meet, what good are you? Jane Lane, Founder of the soon to be most popular site on the web!
• Daria/Dorian 4—Partner's Compromise, by LadieT (Part 4): arrived, Jodie was rubbing Mack's back as he buried his face in his hands. Jodie offered Dorian and Jane the other half of their booth. Mack looked up at them. "I would ask how your project is going but I have a strange feeling I already know the answer," Jane said before taking her first bite.
• Daria: Hunter 6—Infectious (continued): Daria bellowed anger and frustration as she clawed savagely at the elevator door with her blade. Long, deep scratches were left behind after every hit, but it was obvious even through the red haze over her vision that it would take hours to make any real progress, and by then the mono-edge would most likely be dulled down to the sharpness of a basic kitchen knife. She leaned back and gave the stubborn door one last solid kick, then stood huffing as she tried to calm herself down. "So that's it, then," she heard Mack say behind her. "We're dead."
• Finn Morgendorffer 53: Purely Magnetic, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “Wow, I should come over here more often, Rebecca,” Doctor Cecil Aismuth remarked as he tastefully sipped the concoction in a martini glass. “Don’t get comfortable, you’re here for a reason,” Rebecca Crossan returned. “Mrs. Truesdale is one of the most influential women in this country, and she is an incurable nymphomaniac. I’m giving her quite a selection of man-meat to ogle over.” “Yeah, have I mentioned there is so much wrong with this. To start with, I have a girlfriend who is, in fact, here with us tonight. Second, even if her husband is not here, she’s married. Third, you’re also including your own brother in this display.”
  
• First Born, by RLobinske (Part 5): The old friends watched an old Sick, Sad World episode on a big-screen television in the living room. The announcer said, ” This is just astounding! Here you are, blind, deaf, and barely able to walk, yet you conducted simultaneous affairs with three members of the Royal Family!", followed by the same voice, slightly older, saying, "And the Royal Family must not be able to smell because he reeked!" Laughing, Jane said, "I love the commentary tracks on these DVDs."
  
• General Semantics, Private Angst, by Gwrtheyrn (continued): "There had been a plot to dispense with me," said 'X.' "That couldn't be tolerated, so I've had to take certain unpleasant steps." "You're talking," Jane rasped out, "but you're not saying much. Better make me happy, 'X.' You know I'd love to kill you." She kept the flashlight trained on the cripple's prone form. There was no need to narrow the distance between them. Jane was a very good shot, not that it mattered with a weapon such as the one she held. "I am not at all trying to deceive you, Jane," the horror replied, reasonably. "Whatever else happens, it is vital that I survive, if I am to protect the Solar System during the invasion, and preserve what can be preserved of the null-A way of life." The enormity of that claim almost took Jane's breath away, but she kept her aim steady. "So, then, who was that, in this very room, talking about murdering thirty million Martians?" (Daria/World of Null-A)
• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 43): When Quinn Morgendorffer returned in January for her final week at home before the beginning of Spring Term, she expected that Jill Yardborough would be waiting there with a list of recriminations. Two days before her return to Lawndale, she was seriously dreading coming home and meeting Jill again. Quinn had already started work on her speech. ("Jill, she forced me into the car! I didn't mean to leave you behind! But it was my grandmother and she's lonely and she's missing a kidney and she's...!") Quinn never got started.
  
• Jane Lane, Ace Attorney: Turnabout Teacher's Pet, by LSauchelli (COMPLETE!): It had been two months since the Brittany case and Jane had yet to get first seat again. The whole time she had expected to meet with Daria to catch up on old times, or something, but she had not seen her since that day, at least not in person. The media went nuts with praise at the young and wise prosecutor who deduced the innocence of the cheerleader in a matter of minutes into the case. There was no mention of myself, not a one, Jane thought as she sniffed herself. I might need to buy some new deodorant or something. Perhaps that’s the trick to Daria’s success. (Daria/Ace Attorney game)
• Judith Strikes! A View from the Front Row, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): There was silence in the unoccupied classroom. A blue light appeared in the back of the room, and coalesced into the form of a petite young woman, her face almost totally obscured by the red cloak she wore. The young woman reached back into the cloak, as if she were searching, when the door to the front of the classroom opened and a forty-something man, wearing blue slacks and a pinkish, button-down shirt, entered the room. The door closed behind him on its own several seconds after the man’s entrance, and he stood behind the desk as he turned to face the intruder.
• Life, But Not As You Know It, by Phoenix (Part 3): Elsie tapped her foot impatiently on the linoleum floor of the principal’s waiting room. The young secretary behind the desk shot Elsie a silent plea for her to cut it out. The secretary sighed, “Ms. Li will be with you shortly.” Elsie nodded. She was due to take the school tour and by the looks of it she was going to be the only student. A few short minutes later the intercom buzzed, and the secretary informed Elsie that Ms. Li was now available. As she entered the principal’s office, her eyes fell on the short, stocky woman sitting behind a large oak desk. Ms. Li gave a tight smile and ushered Elsie to take a seat. Once seated, Ms. Li gave Elsie an appraising look. “Elsie Sloane...” Ms. Li mused in an airy tone. Elsie’s brow stitched itself into a bemused frown. “Ms. Li?” (FF.net)
  
• A New Set of Rules, by Dennis (Part 15): Monday was a classical concert at the DeBartolo Performing Arts Center, which Bryce enjoyed more that Daria did, and Thursday, a pleasantly warm day, was a picnic on one of the greens followed by a long walk around campus and a not-quite-but-almost-public make out session that had Daria questioning her sanity. She mentioned it to Colleen the next day, but the redhead laughed off her concerns. “I don't see why this bothers you. So you made out with a guy somewhere that someone might have seen you.” “It's not the sort of thing I do,” Daria said stiffly.
• Politricks Are Not for Kids, by Brian Taylor (Part 6): We hear a mechanical revving, fierce and intractable. The door to Jane's office bursts back open to reveal Jane wearing a welder's mask and a rubber apron, clutching a revving chainsaw between gloved hands. [I would have added more, but there was too much win. Must read.]
• Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (Part 16): Daria stood quietly outside Terminal E's security checkpoint. Jane's flight was supposed to have already arrived: it said so on the arrivals/departures monitor next to the Southwest Airlines ticket counters. She wanted to duck into the newsstand to relieve the boredom of waiting, but she didn't want to miss seeing her friend. Jane had called her during lunch, to tell her that Trent was driving her to BWI Airport and that her flight was supposed to get in around 5:30. It was now a little after six. Daria was very much looking forward to seeing her. It had been over a month since she last saw Jane. Although they often emailed each other and talked on the phone, it wasn't the same as being together. Daria was not the mushy sort, but she did miss Jane tremendously.
  
• Regifted 2: I Put Away Joyless Things, by Ajar (Part 9): “Oh, hi,” said Mr. O'Neill. “I'm sorry if I'm interrupting, but I thought you might want your papers back. Some of you are really improving. One more B-plus for you, Sandi. You've been on quite a roll the last few weeks. At this rate you might even break a B in the course. Good for you.” “What's with all the B-plusses all of a sudden?” asked Quinn as Mr. O'Neill moved on. “You're not the only one smart around here. Some of us just keep it to ourselves.” “But he said you only might get a B.” “You don't want to do too well. I mean you don't want to end up at that school where your sist—I mean, cousin goes.”
• That Infernal Nonsense, by Ajar (continued): "Sir, are you okay? The glaz-ed layering of moisture gleam, that covers all your eyeball proclaims a confusion more deep than normal; confide in me—fear not—you won't seem too dumb." "Yeah, Mack Daddy, er... bro, I just don't get it..."
  
• Three-Edged Sword, by NightGoblyn (Part 4): Daria sat alone in a small booth in the back of the restaurant, listening to the thumping music and breathing the mixed smells of cooking meat, spilled beer, and cigarette smoke. Her reverie was interrupted when a waitress approached, plunking a couple of baskets of chicken wings on the table followed by two tall, sweating glasses of beer. Tossing the tray onto a nearby empty table, the waitress then sat across from her. "Are you allowed to do that?" Daria asked. Sandi shrugged. "It's the end of my shift, I've already clocked out. Also, the manager here is very good to me."
• Unnamed story (Behind the Scenes in a Daria Fanfic), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Personally, I think the attention to symbolism and superior mis en scene make the third Care Bear movie the best," said Judith, daintily sipping tea from a china cup. "But look," protested Tommy Sherman, "the story of the first was a primal archetype, Campbell himself—"
• Unnamed story (Behind the Scenes in a Daria Fanfic), by Dark Kuno (COMPLETE!): This is going to look really cute on Quinn later tonight, Stacy thought as she removed the dog color, folded the it and placed it into a small leather-bound case between the Italian leather riding crop, Gucci handcuffs with chinchilla fur lining and a length of fine silk rope.
• Unnamed story (Behind the Scenes in a Daria Fanfic), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): Sandi Griffin sat sulking in the back seat, while her parents talked quietly in the front. The only good thing about her family's visit with her Uncle Peter and the other Rhode Island Griffins was that it was over.
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Crossover the Pond), by Dennis (COMPLETE!): "Hello and welcome. We have with us today one of the country's leading teen clothing analysts, Sandi Griffin." "Like, that's not my name!" "I'm sorry. Sandi Gry-fin." "No, no. It's like spelled Sandi Gry-fin, but it's pronounced Cheddar Cheese Percolator." (Daria/Monty Python's Flying Circus)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Crossover the Pond), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "And now for something completely different..."(Daria/Monty Python's Flying Circus)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Crossover the Pond), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "Well, that was all good fun, and we all had a jolly good laugh, but I would like to assure you that you'd never be treated like that if you had an interview to be a girly lumberjack here at the Careers Advisory Board. Perhaps I should introduce myself. I am the Head of the Careers Advisory Board. I wanted to be a psychologist, but there we are. I'm Head of the Careers Advisory Board."(Daria/Monty Python's Flying Circus)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Crossover the Pond), by Lord Akiyama (COMPLETE!): "No lasagna tonight for dinner? What's the occasion?" "You're father lost a client today." "I don't care that they found nine out of ten British housewives to say otherwise, I can tell the difference between Whizzo Butter and a dead crab. How can you market a thing like that? And what in the world was he talking about when he said that it also contained ten percent more less?"(Daria/Monty Python's Flying Circus)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Crossover the Pond), by Raskolnikov (COMPLETE!): "Damn it!" "What's wrong, amiga?" "This stupid computer is crashing spontaneously again! It's the tenth time this morning!" "Oh, only that? I thought it was something important." "Ha, ha. Very funny. I hope you'll be as clever as you are now with my replacement, since I'm going most surely to be sacked if I can't deliver this before noon!" (Daria/The IT Crowd)
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Crossover the Pond), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): [Too short to sample!](Daria/The Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Crossover the Pond), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): "Tom, I'll trade you this cockroach cluster for your anthrax ripple." (Daria/Monty Python's Flying Circus)
• Unnamed story (More Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over), by Wraith (fragment): "Hey, Janet." "Yes, Skinny?" "I've got something to say." "Out with it." "I really love the... skillful way you beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet." (Daria/Rocky Horror Picture Show)
• Unnamed story (More Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over), by Wraith (fragment): Daria attended the education sessions because she wanted to find out why so many people were working so hard to kill her. A handful of others were also interested, and the questions were many and good when Jodie and the subversive corporal finished and made the mistake of asking if there were any. "Who is Spain?” “Why is Hitler?” “When is right?” (Daria/Catch-22)
• The Vision of the Burning Cities, by jtranser (continued): "'Daria, am I going crazy?" "Stacy, let me check your test results. First, elevator mobility: definitely goes to all floors. Second, your skull X-rays: No detectable presence of strudel in noodle. Third, presence of mind: still there. So, the answer to your question is no." Stacy relaxed slightly, then her innate anxiety resurfaced, focusing on another medical predicament: "I swear if this continues, I'm going to have a heart attack!! I mean it feels like I have runaway tachycardia!!!" "I believe you lack a basic understanding of heart function, Stacy. See, the heart is like a cheap blood-filled squeeze toy that progressively decays as the foam rubber hardens, clogs up with crap, then begins to split." "Eeewww!!" "But, in your case, that hasn't happened. So no, no heart attack."
  
• The White Fox, by Lord Akiyama (Part 2): "Okay, Daria," she muttered to herself. This was in spite of the heavy breathing she was making. "Don't panic. There's nothing to worry about. This all just a dream. Just like Holiday Island. This is not real. It's just a dream." It was then that Daria tried to get up. Only to find that she couldn't. As a matter of fact, she could barely move at all. She looked to discover the reason for this. She was bound to a chair. Ropes tied to ensure that she remained in her seat at all times. Her legs tied to the legs of the chair, her hands tied from behind. The knots were of an advanced skill, thereby preventing her from even wiggling. [Contains mature content]
  

Okay, TAG, stop throwing things at me already!

It's Bastille Day, France's national holiday and the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille! According to David Sorenson, they found the Marquis de Sade there, so I'm sure there was quite an after party.

Speaking of the French, how has this exchange been ignored in fanfic?

Brittany: Yeah! Plus, it's like getting in the yearbook is the only reason to join French Club in the first place!

Daria: Gee, Brittany, what about your deep love for French people and their culture?

Brittany: Love had nothing to do with it! He was just a lonely exchange student, and I wanted to give him an American goodbye!

Get writing, people!

Empty Fridge, Empty Mom

Two episodes premiered on this date. "The Teachings of Don Jake" was first shown on MTV eleven years ago, in Daria's first season, and "Lane Miserables" appeared two years later in the third season. The former episode is where we learn that Daria saves her entire family from a horrible fate, but no one says a word of thanks to her. The latter episode reveals that Jane and Trent have the crappiest family in existence. How it worked out that Jane wasn't taken away by child protective services, we'll never know. Cartoon people live charmed lives, I suppose.

Also, we know for a fact that eating "glitter berries" allows you to see spirit animals, because Jake's reacted in a completely realistic fashion when he tried to tell it about his childhood: it ran away. If that's not realistic, I don't know what is.

A curious note: Today is also Bastille Day, and a connection has been postulated between the airing of "Lane Miserables" and that holiday. Verrry interesting. As a side note, Quinn learned a lot about Bastille Day from David in Is It Fall Yet?

According to the Falling Into College series, today is Cancerian Helen Morgendorffer's birthday! Happy Fif- . . . Thirty-Ninth Birthday to you!

The American artist James McNeill Whistler was born 174 years ago today. Jane Lane has an alter ego in which she appears in one of Whistler's portraits, which can be seen somewhere on this page. Perhaps you know which one it is.

The latest page (#1,891) in DariaWiki, thanks to Richard Lobinske, is here (the story "Broken Star"). NO! WAIT! It's here ("Battle of Cacotin Mountain"). NO NO NO!!! It's HERE!

A minor server problem with the Daria Fan Club has led to missing images on the website, but all will be fixed soon, we are told.


Lawndale Online

• But What About the Baby (Sitter)?! by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!)

PPMB

• Falling Into College 63: Broken Star, by Richard Lobinske (COMPLETE!): Jeff learns a lesson about Daria, Daria learns a lesson about Jeff, and Karen gets a surprise in a bag from Amy.
  
• New Life, by legendeld (Part 10): "I don’t remember your butt being this big.” Stacy said playfully.
• While the Bat's Away..., by echopapa (Part 1): A Daria/DC crossover, with Catwoman on the prowl and her prey in Lawndale!
  

SFMB

• Size Does Matter, by BlackHole (Part 27): Jane discovers a new (yet familiar) face in her self-esteem class. (PPMB version)