Happy Birthday, Air Andrea--I Mean, Jordan!

Today is retired (multiple times) basketball player Michael Jordan's 48th birthday! He is not to be confused with Michael Jordan Mackenzie, who as far as I know has neither played basketball nor retired from anything. Also, I doubt anyone regularly refers to Michael Jordan as "Mack Daddy."

Today is also the day the musical episode "Daria!" aired in 1999, as well as the 10th anniversary of the airing of "Sarcastathon 3000." Both have provided fandom with a ton of hilarious images, many of which have appeared in this very blog.

Now, how about a fanfic update?

• Bad Times, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Ah-ha! There, in the underbrush, was a hedge that had been trampled underfoot. Proceeding into the small woods, he only made it a few dozen feet before he tripped and landed hard on something that gave way beneath him. With a scream of terror, he ran back to the street to flag down the next passing cop car." (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (part 1): "'Mom?' Daria Morgendorffer said, seeing her mother at the table with her head cradled on her arms. 'What's wrong?' Tired, Helen looked up at her oldest daughter. She pushed a letter aside and said, 'I'm sorry, sweetie, but that job in Maryland fell through.'"


• Da Boss King of Impze (A Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini), by Wassersauefer (part 1): "His head hurt. His temples felt like someone had used a rusty knife to drill holes into them. His mouth was dry and his eyes were sore. And his upper lip was coated with dry blood pouring from his nose. The ground beneath him was hard and cold, like a sidewalk or a drunk tank. '... oh... damn...', he mumbled and slowly he sat up. The movement let his stomach rebel in his body and he felt a wave of nausea hit him. Puke was all around him and it seemed to be a wonder that he was not lying in his own barf."


• Daria/Dorian Ch. 13 Paper Towels and Open Flames Don't Mix, by LadieT (part 2): "Dorian woke up confused and in a daze. Then his mind filled with images from the night before. The fire, Daria waking him up to get him out of the house, Jane running down his street in a panic when she saw the fire truck ran through his mind over and over again. He looked around his surroundings. Jane was asleep on the bed he was leaning against while Quinn was curled in a sleeping bag a few feet from him."


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "(Raven, Staci, Daria, Starfire, Hilary Dorff and Cyborg [yes, Cyborg finally gets to make an appearance] wait outside of Nidey HQ waiting for the public tour to begin. Around them are tween girls wearing officially licensed Miley Cyprus brand clothing: tube tops, short shorts and midriff-less T-shirts advertising Miley's “Swallow the World” concert tour.) Raven: (pulling down her short shorts as they ride up her fanny) Damn short shorts. How can these parents allow their girls to wear such things? I'd feel a lot more comfortable if Chris Hanson were around, that's for sure." (Also here)


• General Semantics, Private Angst, by gwrtheyrn (part 35): "'But I called these guys "low-tech!"' Daria subvocalised, shaking her head. She felt her confidence, which so recently threatened to swell too overweeningly, take a palpable hit. How could she fight the operations of a Galaxy-spanning power that could build warships like this? You might as well set one beaver against the Grand Coulee Dam!"


• God Save The Esteem ep22: Anarchy in the Lawn-D, by Charles RB (parts 1 and 2): "'But since nobody has said that everyone in power was involved-' He noticed Morris looking down, and carried on without missing a beat: 'But since nobody has ever explicitly said the grades will be changed on a student's behalf-' He noticed all three people looking down, and carried on with: 'But, hey at least you didn't actively threaten grade-fixing on students you didn't like OH COME ON!!!!'" (Part 2)


• Jane Morgendorffer, by LadieT (part 39): "Knocking on the door, Daria waited for a moment before Mr. Keller let her in. He replayed the tune and watched as Daria began to mouth the lyrics silently. Asking him to play it one more time, she began to sing along with the music. That was when he asked her if she would sing the song at the upcoming competition. His flashback ended right as she sang the last lyric of the song. Daria stopped and quickly left the stage. As long as she sang, Daria was okay on stage. Once the music stopped, Daria felt the urge to run."


• The Latest Fashion, by Jim North: "'Well, erm, be that as it may,' O'Neill told them, trying to inject his tone with a hint of authority, 'I'm afraid you, uh, you just . . . can't!' Sandi fought to keep a predatory grin from spreading across her face, instead affecting indignant anger. It was time to go in for the kill. 'And why not?' she demanded. 'Is not the female form a wonderful thing? Should we not be allowed to share it as such? Are we not to be allowed, like, our freedom of expression or whatever? Do you wish to keep us from our right to be seen as we want to be seen? Would you deny us our femininity? Our progressing fashion? Our freedom of self?'" (New part) (Newer part) (Even newer part)


• No Armour Bar Her Coat (Writeoff Challenge 8), by Charles RB (part 2): "You only fight when you were sure to win. Her sister got that. And that preyed on Quinn's mind as the clock ground on towards eleven and she was alone in her room: Daria wasn't doing this as a challenge, it wasn't in her. She wasn't a fighter. So this had to be... this had to be her giving up. And that could mean-"


• Oh, By The Way, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "With the family and guests once again gathered in the living room, Helen said, 'I'm looking forward to hosting an Easter egg hunt next year.' 'Mom, Quinn's baby will only be about five months old then,' Daria said. 'You might want to wait a year or so.' 'It's the symbolism that's important.' Daria smirked at her mother. 'Don't use the baby as an excuse. Buy the Cadbury eggs for yourself.'"


• Promises, by LadieT (part 5): "'Quinn's in ICU and Cleo has a broken arm and leg. Cleo knows her dad died and that her mom isn't doing very well. I want to take all of her pain away, but I know I can't,' Jane said as the tears that she had been fighting off for so long started flowing. Trent put his arms around his little sister. 'Janey - I watched you and Cleo when you kept her last summer. She loved it when you told her jokes or drew funny pictures. So, my best advice for you is to do what you do best ... make her laugh.'"


• Someone Call a Doctor (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Daria never got the chance to finish her sentence. They were both involved in their own mutual society and didn't notice the out-of-control car behind them. The drunkard who was driving it swerved into the other lane, brought his Lincoln Continental over the curb and managed to clip Jane in the back with the left front fender. The impact - the car was going at 60 miles per hour - picked up Jane and knocked her body into a utility pole."


• Spirit of the Game, Nature of the Beast, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): "And deal, he needed to do. Cocaine didn't sell itself, the cravings and addictions of his clients meant little if he couldn't be accessible, but discrete. Not just to his regulars, but to new customers, as well. And it looked like a fresh new customer was nearby. Young girl, underage, but dressed impeccably, with nice clothes. Nice clothes meant money to burn, money to burn on something, something he might have had." (Part 25)


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Modern Day Daria), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): "'Well, what do you think?' she asked. Tim O'Neill, seated across the desk from the principal, shrugged. 'There's no reason they can't pass the written test,' he said simply. 'Any idiot could, and Lane has been in the class six times. I assume she took notes at some point, if only in self-defense.'"


• Worldburner: Amelia Goes To Hell (Near Enough) ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "A sudden, terrifying noise split the air; Amelia jumped, until she identified the sound as the opening to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Which, in fact, was more terrifying than she thought it was. 'Huh huh. Gag. Huhhuhuh.' Amelia frowned. That sounded like... wait, Daria?"


• Worldburner: Vipande Chu Uharibifu, by Erin M. (part 3): "As she filled out the form, she heard a loud clattering coming from inside the main building. Jodie looked up sharply, then down at her watch. Six PM. Way too late for anyone to be at the school, even the custodial staff. She put the clipboard back in the cab of the truck and walked to the doors. She yanked on the handle and blinked as the door practically flew open."