Beware Toga-Wearing Guys with Knives!

Or, as it's more commonly quoted, beware the Ides of March! That's today, and if you see anyone in a toga who looks kind of shifty, you might want to move along. I figure that's pretty good advice any day, though.

For those who don't know, the warning was supposedly given to Julius Caesar because he would be stabbed to death on that day. Kevin has another theory, however:

Mr. O'Neill: All right, why did the soothsayer tell Caesar to "Beware of the Ides of March?" Who wants to "take a stab"? Kevin?

Kevin: Um, because the Ides were gonna do something mean to him?

Mr. O'Neill: The Ides aren't people; they're a time of the month.

Kevin: Eww, gross! Well, there's your answer.

So watch your back and check out the latest fanfic!

• Behind the Iron Curtain, by Temppeli (parts 1 and 2): "Dull roads, tenements in the strict line. Gazondolvsk was just as similar as any regular Soviet town. The main difference is that it takes place near Moscow. Jakov Morgendorkov drove his brand new Volga, and tenements passed on the background. It was pretty warm day, and Jakov smiled to her daughters." (Part 2)


• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (parts 8 and 9): "Mamma Parker was a surprisingly spry woman in her sixties with silver hair pulled into a bun on top of her head and covered with a hair net. Looking over Daria in her pale blue uniform, Mamma said, 'I'm going to run you through your first shift. I want to know if you can cut it and if you can't, you'll be gone come morning and I'm the only person that does the firing around here.' Well aware of how much she needed the job and equally aware of the extra base pay for taking the graveyard shift, Daria said, 'Yes, ma'am.'" (Part 9)


• The Crucible - Chapter 1, by Raskolnikov (COMPLETE!): "While she was trying the fix her haircut, which several hours in the bed have managed to wreck completely, the lightbulbs flickered. What is that sound? A subtle creaking could be heard from Daria's room. The creaking's pitch and the flickering increased for a few seconds, until the sound turned into a loud thump and the very obvious proof that something made of wood had cracked upon the impact. Oh, God! Daria!" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10)


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "(The door is carefully opened as stun grenades are thrown inside. Before the Titan’s can react, they detonate in a flash of sound and light, the concussion sending everyone to the floor.) Kim Probable: (stepping into the room) Impossible or improbable? Daria: You ... waited ... for ... someone ... to say ... 'impossible' ... before ... you attacked ... didn't you?"


• Double Negative (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "'Hey, son!' said Dad, offering a high five that was grudgingly reciprocated, 'How was school?' 'I got another A,' said George as he brandished his latest high graded paper. 'Miss Morgendorffer said my essay blew everyone else's out of the water.' 'Really?' said Mom in a slow drawl, 'That's the fourth one you've got this year.'"


• Dreams, by Chris Tucker: "Eventually, the cleaning and washing was done. The unspoken prospiracy this time was between Jane and Connie. Asking Daria to sit on one of the beds and fold laundry, to occupy her mind with a simple mundane task, kept her from dwelling on the nightmare and hospital trip. She needed time to process the events and come to some closure about them, without getting obsessed with what happened."


• Esteamsters or What if the entire cast of Daria were steampipes? (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'Ssssssssssss,' Jake said."


• The Girl In Question, by Silver (part 1): "Things started with a bang. No, that would be understating things somewhat. It was a massive, crushing blast that sent the visiting Lawndale school bus rolling, its students screaming. A blast that shattered windows for miles, razed most of downtown Fairport, and left a glowing mushroom-shaped cloud rising into the sky."


• God Save The Esteem ep24: Write in the Nads, by Charles RB (part 1): "A new era had dawned on Lawndale High. The metal detectors lay dormant, the CCTV drooped down, the security guards were sunbathing at the checkpoint and drinking beer. 'Hey Steve,' said a kid in a large trenchcoat that could conceal anything. 'Hey.' 'Hey Steve,' said Burnout, smoking a massive joint. 'Hey.' 'Hey Steve,' said Daria, carrying a large gun. 'Hey.'"


• How Can There Be Any Sin in Sincere? (Writeoff Challenge 8), by ticknart (COMPLETE!): "'Mack,' she sighed, then, 'Michael, I've been working on this. There are laws that can protect you.' 'Protect me how?' he asked. 'Keep me from getting a job? Keep me from paying for my daughters' school? Keep me from feeding them? Whistleblower laws are a joke, and you know it.'"


• Is It 'Mania Yet? (PPMB-exclusive Bonus Match), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "Defoe: 'I will say this about Diana. Outside of the ring, she is one of the nicest, sweetest people you could meet. In it... she is an absolute monster.' O'Neill: 'Here comes the Latino Lion, Miguel Martinez trying to take on Brayshaw... she caught him! How is she doing this, Claire?' Defoe: 'I don't know, Timothy. I just don't know.'"


• Know When to Fold 'Em (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Tiffany, sitting across from him, wore a baseball cap reading 'D & G' (for Dolce and Gabbana) in contrast to Cashmaker's PokerParadise.com hat. She also wore a pair of Gucci sunglasses, and one of her tailored blue dresses. She pulled out her compact and applied her lipstick. 'Lipstick ain't going to help you,' Cashmaker said loudly. The cards on the table were Q-J-8-9. Cashmaker had a queen and a three in the deal and the other queen came in on the flop and Cashmaker raised to $250,000 on the nine that came off the turn. There was only one card left - 'the River' - and unless The Sphinx had a ten, Cashmaker was on his way to another championship."


• Lawndale and Sandi Griffin's Genie (Chapter 3), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "'Don't worry, we have a plan to distract her,' Daria said, trying to be reassuring. 'Quinn thought it up,' Jane said. That wasn't reassuring to Brittany. 'Eep!'"


• LLH Alternate Future - 07 - The Future We Choose/Anticipate This, by psychotol (part 5): "Wanda used her powers to lift the car off the road. She had to make this look like a departure from controlled motion, but there was one yankee to protect, this was also the reason for the charade in the first place, to stop Kerry from threatening harm to the hostage. Wanda didn’t want Kerry to be aware of the presence of herself and Tiffany until at least she had decided to ditch the hostage. The car spun off the road, rolling across the ditch, through the hedge and landing right side up in the field, with both left wheels broken off."


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 5: Shop Til You Drop, by Hyrin (parts 1 and 2): "Jane started to worry, knowing how Daria's temper could flare up, but Daria surprised her by standing up calmly and saying quietly, 'You want to see us in bikinis, Charles?' 'Only to help my father, of course,' he replied with a broader grin, which faded slightly as Daria started to unzip her jacket slowly." (Part 2)


• No Armour Bar Her Coat (Writeoff Challenge 8), by Charles RB (part 3): "School was... different. Most everyone she feared was leaving her alone – a few of them would start on her when they were bored, she knew she was fodder for insults, but the unceasing torment ceased for a few months. Quinn, she understood, had had words with people, and the Fashion Club backed her. After those few months, the tormenting slowly increased, people changing their luck. Quinn and others would stamp on it every so often, causing more lulls, but Daria grew to expect being targeted when she was on her own. But she could handle it. It was less than it was. It was normal."


• Oblivious Iron Mediocrity (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "She's called the Dead Gal because they killed her a few hundred years ago. Strictly speaking, she's neither dead nor a gal. She's a Loghyr, and something as simple as physical death isn't enough to get rid of their snarky, stubborn spirits. Their bodies go through the motions, thankfully minus the corruption, at least not so as we poor humans could notice. But their spirit hangs around their corpse, and a little thing like rigor mortis doesn't seem to affect their telekinesis."


• Prize Fatters (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "'Oh, tart-tongued temptress,' Upchuck lamented at Daria's rejection of his idea to mutually assist one another in the Wizard scholarship competition. 'If you help me,' he cajoled. '...I might afford you an opportunity to invest in my dot-com company.' 'You've started a dot-com?' Daria was doubtful. 'A modest exotic candies vent--' 'CANDY?' Daria shouted."


• Quinn's Code - 02: Invite of the Geek, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "'Brittany will be focused on the party. She won't notice two people whom she didn't invite,' Andrea said. 'How do you know that?' Quinn asked, she knew that Brittany and Andrea didn't hang out. 'We were friends in Elementary School,' Andrea said, with some bitterness; 'two rough and tumble tomboys having fun.'"


• Reunion, by Hyrin (parts 1 and 2): "'How are you doing, dad?' she asked, looking around the living room. Aside from a few technology upgrades –the new plasma screen TV hung where the old entertainment center had been- it looked just like it had at her last visit. 'Oh, I'm hanging in there. Don't worry, Daria, I'm sticking around until you give me a couple of grandkids,' he chuckled. Daria inhaled sharply, suppressing a frown as she reminded herself that her father's memory was consistently shoddy these days." (Part 2)


• Shadows of a Timeless Song, by Dennis (part 7): "The liquid beauty of Maglor's music seemed to freeze Hermione. Stock still she stood with her jaw on her breast as the elf's shadow fell on her, and it was not until the gentle light emanating from his skin touched her that she gave voice to her confusion. 'You're not possible,' she whispered. 'Was it not your Shakespeare,' he said with a gentle smile, 'who wrote, "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy." And this is no winter's tale, Hermione of the Yeomanry.'"


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Have you ever felt that you're turning into... (tipsy Jane and Alison in Alison's hut - when a shadowy figure bangs on the door, moaning) ...a zombie? Maybe you're not alone."


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Jim North (COPMLETE!): "'Hello, Charles. I want to play a game.'"


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Ranger Thorne: "Voice #1 (vo): Where were you when the Cylons attacked?"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "'We are totally screwed, you know that don't you?' Daria asked as she turned to look at Jane. 'Why do you say that?' Jane replied as the countdown passed five seconds. 'Just because we're sitting on top of three quarters of a million pounds of rocket fuel in a contraption with two million moving parts built by the lowest bidder?'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Trent came bursting out of Casa Lane as Daria and Jane were coming up the walk. His eyes were wild, hair neatly combed and numerous piercings removed. He looked like a Banana Republic had thrown up on him and someone had shaved his soulpatch. 'They got me, Janey!' He seized his sister's arms, panicked, and gave her a shake. 'The Preppies got me!'"