Saturday, March 5, 2011

"Poor Sandi. Crutches don't go with anything."

The episode "Fat Like Me" aired on this day ten years ago. A rare Sandi-centric episode, although the focus was at least partially shared with Quinn. It also had one of my all-time favorite lines from Stacy, who finally snaps after being forced to put up with Tiffany for too long. (And really, who wouldn't?)

How come? Because I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of doing all the work while you just sit there. I tried my best, and even if it wasn't as good as Sandi's or Quinn's, a chain is only as strong as its weakest round thingy, and you refused to lift one freaking finger! I'm through running the Fashion Club all by myself while you the mirror...and taaalk...about yourself...and I--I--I quit!

A few people have written alternate versions of "Fat Like Me," including Greystar's "Empirical Evidence" (the first part of his The Longest Year series, which is still in need of serious pitchforking) and Di/LadieT's The Weight of Conscience, in which the episode takes a darker turn.

While we're on the subject of fanfic, here's the latest update:
  • Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (part 6): "'I really hate judges and lawyers.' 'Hate them all you want,' Helen said. 'But you've got to live with them right now.' Todd looked around at the empty courthouse steps and pulled a pistol from his front pant's pocket. 'Maybe not.'"

  • Camp Pu, by Smijey (parts 1 and 2): "'It's not an emergency hike, children, it's just a drill.' Mr. Potts, the head counselor, had appeared behind Chip to reassure his charges. 'We like to, ah, keep you on your toes here at Camp Grizzly, heh heh.' Daria eyed Mr. Potts closely. He didn't sound as cheery as he was trying, and his eyes showed fear, instead of the easy-goingness of his smile. Even his chuckle sounded more nervous than mirthful. 'Something's wrong,' she muttered to herself." (Part 2)

  • Daria/Dorian Ch. 13: Paper Towels and Open Flames Don't Mix, by LadieT (part 5): "Sandi and the rest of the Fashion Club arrived shortly before noon. They looked around the suite in approval. She noticed Dorian sitting out on the balcony reading the newspaper. Just as she was about to go out there to speak to him, Jane walked past her wearing a red bikini top and shorts with an Elvis beach towel wrapped around her waist and carrying a CD player. Sandi growled under her breath as she watched Jane take the seat next to Dorian. Quinn and Stacy entered the living room to see Sandi staring at Dorian and Jane."

  • Dreams, by Chris Tucker: "'What happened?' 'You had The Greyfield Dream in your dorm room, you woke up, but you didn't snap out of it, you kept yelling and crying and from what Connie told me you were yelling, I recognized what it was from when you told me about it. Connie called me and I had her call 911. You're in Brigham and Women's Hospital.'"

  • Dynasty, by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "The boy stepped into the room, full of old draperies and books that the boy was forbidden to read. He always wanted to look at the drawings inside but his father always locked the books in the cabinet and the butler had the key to the room, so that was that. The boy's imagination never failed to turn to the books behind the glass cabinet. 'Son,' the man said, 'I have heard that - what is that? WHAT IS THAT?'"

  • For Better or For Worse, For Richer or For Poorer, by Kristen Bealer (parts 3 and 4): "Erin winced at a sudden twinge when the masseuse pressed too hard on a tense spot. Trying again to relax, she decided to clear her mind completely. It lasted about thirty seconds. Oh, God. What if I end up like her, though? What if I just dump guys every time we have a little trouble? I mean, if I can't make this relationship work, who says I can make the next one work, either? The pill bottle flickered through her thoughts. If there even will be a next one." (Part 4)

  • The Future We Choose/Anticipate This, by psychotol (part 1): "'Our interest is rather specific, they recently had an advantage over you, right?' 'Yeah, they had those aberrants and a precog that only seemed to communicate over the phone,' said the man. Wanda and Tiffany refrained from commenting on his use of the word 'Aberrant', although Tiffany was thinking of exiting through the wall next to the door when it came time to leave."

  • Griffin 3:16 (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "It's Monday night... Mom's working late, Dad has taken Sam and Chris to the Orioles game, Quinn's on a date, Stacy's at counselling and Tiffany... who knows? I'm all alone tonight. Perfect."

  • It Happened One Gut (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "Kevin looked worriedly at Daria, who had been pounding down peanuts for the past half-hour. He had tried to sneak a few for himself to start, but Daria had growled at him and almost made him weewee himself. She was starting to look a little sick. And if Kevin Thompson could notice something as subtle as Daria looking sick, well, you could bet it wasn't very subtle at all."

  • Lawndale Seven Chapter Two, by Wassersauefer (part 2): "Eight feet high, build like a gorilla, eight hundred pounds of muscles, bones and thick white fur was Keviin a giant in a world built by dwarfs. And the only Trogg on Lawndale Seven as far as they knew. The only problem was, was that he also had a brain the size of a human fist. Not to say that he was dumb, on the contrary, for a Trogg he had to be considered a genius, but compared to the more intelligent species of the universe he was just above a pet. And sometimes not even that."

  • Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 3: The Old Middleton Try, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'I saw a flyer for a college prep course that the high school is doing this week. Maybe we could sign the girls up for that.' 'Not a bad idea,' Jake said, then looked at the stairs. 'I just hope that the girls will be able to handle the idea.' 'Of a prep course?' 'Of being without us.'" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

  • Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 4:, by Hyrin (part 1): "'Damn it, Jane! I'm not going to let you just run away from me! You're my best friend, and I'll see myself burning in a deeper ring of Hell before I lose you too!' They both froze, shocked by Daria's outburst. 'I'm your what?' Jane asked in a low whisper. 'You're my best friend,' Daria said emphatically, stressing each word. 'And I'll be damned before I lose you.'"

  • Negajane's Bad Day ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Negajane walked into the next reality, annihilation sphere ready, saying 'Okay, so what..........' Daria and Butt-head looked up: 'Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh' Quinn and Beavis did too: 'Heh heh heh heh heh heh'"

  • Promises, by LadieT (part 8): "'I don't hate you - Daria might - but I don't. I should, with the way you hurt Daria by not being there for us, but I can't. See, as much as you piss me off, I still have a twisted air of respect for you. Daria wouldn't be here,' Jane said as her hand made a swooping motion above her, 'without you. I'm happy and married to the woman I love because of you. So to me, you'll always be Mrs. Morgendorffer - unless you get your head out of your ass, then Daria and I might start calling you mom,' Jane's deep blue eyes were staring directly at Helen, unmoving and unblinking."

  • Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "'...So, you see, Stacy, when the world ends, it's not a question of where will you be ... You need to address the more important question: What will you wear? You need to know how to dress for disaster. Start with the basic black dress. Yes, it'll work there too.'"

  • Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "He leans forward, puts his fingertips together, and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. 'Silent Hill is what is going on here,' he says. 'Not the town itself, but the area in which it is located. I could go into the long, boring historical details, but suffice it to say that strange events have been taking place here for centuries. The most common of these occurrences would be the mysterious disappearances.'" (New Part)

  • Searching For a New Hope, by thatLONERchick: "'Whoa,' Jane breathed as she regarded her friend with calculating eyes. 'I've never seen you lay into someone like that. What the hell'd he do to piss you off, anyway?' Daria's lips were pressed into a thin line as she spun the dial and pulled open the door of her locker. 'Never mind,' she replied in a tart voice as she switched out books and slammed her locker shut. 'I just wish I had never laid eyes on the asshole in the first place.'"

  • Situation Update ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): ""Those are members of the Legion," the man spoke. "Michael Jordan Mackenzie... and Daria Morgendorffer." "No," the second voice corrected him. "The individuals we are viewing are 1st Lt. Michael James Mackenzie - Third Texas Infantry, Army of the Free Christian Republic of Texas - and that world's version of Daria Morgendorffer." "That world's - this is an alternate reality?""

  • Someone Else's World, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'I change things and... oh.' She smiled, coldly. 'I see. Yes, I see it now.' 'Daria?' 'There was a reason I came here.' 'Daria, you're scaring m-'"

  • Stomach of Darkness (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "Jane looked up from her sculpture to see Daria wolfing down her supply of gummy bears. 'Damnit!' Jane cried out. 'Daria, you do know you're eating my art supplies, right? The ones I told you I was going to microwave to paint my sculpture, right?'"

  • Summer Fling, by GingerLove84 (part 6): "DARIA: Isn't it amazing how I've spent most of my life listening you tell me how I need to open up to people. I need to make more friends, find a nice boy to date. I finally listen on both accounts and now you're telling me I need to cut myself off from them? HELEN: I would hardly call Jesse a nice boy Daria... DARIA: Really? (Bt) How much do you really know about him?"

  • Terror on Dega Street, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "Before either one of them could formulate an appropriate response, the shape reappeared and leaped from the roof of the short building, plummeted down into the alley, and landed squarely on the roof of their car, denting it and cracking all of the windows with the force of impact. It was a girl. A young girl by the looks of it, wearing a mostly denim outfit. She crouched on the car's roof, every muscle tensed in preparation, looking almost like a tiger ready to strike. A paintball gun hung from her shoulders by a heavy duty strap, and her face was completely concealed by a paintball mask."

  • Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Addicted to "being special"), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "'Yes, Mr. Sheen! Of course, Mr. Sheen!' Daria hung up her phone and turned to speak to her friend Jane."

  • Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "She gets out of bed, leaves her room and quietly makes her way downstairs to the kitchen. She gets a soda and returns to her room, locking the door behind her, and stuffing a towel at the bottom of the door from edge to edge."

  • Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "'No no no, it's too late for that turtle thing to work now, Morgendorffer! Out with it, or I shall have to fetch young Miss Quinn and her torture devices.' At first it looked like Daria was simply going to continue staring at her own lap, but finally she looked up in mock horror. 'Not . . . the curling iron?'"

  • Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by Stripey (COMPLETE!): "Jake shook the jar, opened it, and smelled the salty, tangy scent of the contents. He carefully tipped them the waiting bowl. The clear glass held the precious gems and showed off the green skins to brilliant effect. He reached a finger forwards, carefully looked left and right to be sure no one was watching, then plucked one up and popped it in his mouth. Mmmm, happiness. "

  • Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by untra (COMPLETE!): "Helen didn't know what to do. This one moment of time was suddenly free to her. She didn't know what she would do with that time. Organize my office? Empty the trash? Talk to my fellow backstabbing coworkers? She sighed and sat down in front of her computer. She opened up her internet browser and thought of something to do."

  • Worldhopper, Chapter 3, by Erin M. (part 2): "Daria skidded to a halt as she saw the armored PPP troops and a couple of Tiffanitos enter the end of the alley in front of her. She took a quick look behind her and cursed silently as the other two goons that had followed her on the street slowly advanced on her. All of them were drawing their weapons. Daria frantically looked around for some sort of escape, but couldn't see one. She was trapped."

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