"Poor Sandi. Crutches don't go with anything."

The episode "Fat Like Me" aired on this day ten years ago. A rare Sandi-centric episode, although the focus was at least partially shared with Quinn. It also had one of my all-time favorite lines from Stacy, who finally snaps after being forced to put up with Tiffany for too long. (And really, who wouldn't?)

How come? Because I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of doing all the work while you just sit there. I tried my best, and even if it wasn't as good as Sandi's or Quinn's, a chain is only as strong as its weakest round thingy, and you refused to lift one freaking finger! I'm through running the Fashion Club all by myself while you staaare...in the mirror...and taaalk...about yourself...and I--I--I quit!

A few people have written alternate versions of "Fat Like Me," including Greystar's "Empirical Evidence" (the first part of his The Longest Year series, which is still in need of serious pitchforking) and Di/LadieT's The Weight of Conscience, in which the episode takes a darker turn.

While we're on the subject of fanfic, here's the latest update:

• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (part 6): "'I really hate judges and lawyers.' 'Hate them all you want,' Helen said. 'But you've got to live with them right now.' Todd looked around at the empty courthouse steps and pulled a pistol from his front pant's pocket. 'Maybe not.'"


• Camp Pu, by Smijey (parts 1 and 2): "'It's not an emergency hike, children, it's just a drill.' Mr. Potts, the head counselor, had appeared behind Chip to reassure his charges. 'We like to, ah, keep you on your toes here at Camp Grizzly, heh heh.' Daria eyed Mr. Potts closely. He didn't sound as cheery as he was trying, and his eyes showed fear, instead of the easy-goingness of his smile. Even his chuckle sounded more nervous than mirthful. 'Something's wrong,' she muttered to herself." (Part 2)


• Daria/Dorian Ch. 13: Paper Towels and Open Flames Don't Mix, by LadieT (part 5): "Sandi and the rest of the Fashion Club arrived shortly before noon. They looked around the suite in approval. She noticed Dorian sitting out on the balcony reading the newspaper. Just as she was about to go out there to speak to him, Jane walked past her wearing a red bikini top and shorts with an Elvis beach towel wrapped around her waist and carrying a CD player. Sandi growled under her breath as she watched Jane take the seat next to Dorian. Quinn and Stacy entered the living room to see Sandi staring at Dorian and Jane."


• Dreams, by Chris Tucker: "'What happened?' 'You had The Greyfield Dream in your dorm room, you woke up, but you didn't snap out of it, you kept yelling and crying and from what Connie told me you were yelling, I recognized what it was from when you told me about it. Connie called me and I had her call 911. You're in Brigham and Women's Hospital.'"


• Dynasty, by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "The boy stepped into the room, full of old draperies and books that the boy was forbidden to read. He always wanted to look at the drawings inside but his father always locked the books in the cabinet and the butler had the key to the room, so that was that. The boy's imagination never failed to turn to the books behind the glass cabinet. 'Son,' the man said, 'I have heard that - what is that? WHAT IS THAT?'"


• For Better or For Worse, For Richer or For Poorer, by Kristen Bealer (parts 3 and 4): "Erin winced at a sudden twinge when the masseuse pressed too hard on a tense spot. Trying again to relax, she decided to clear her mind completely. It lasted about thirty seconds. Oh, God. What if I end up like her, though? What if I just dump guys every time we have a little trouble? I mean, if I can't make this relationship work, who says I can make the next one work, either? The pill bottle flickered through her thoughts. If there even will be a next one." (Part 4)


• The Future We Choose/Anticipate This, by psychotol (part 1): "'Our interest is rather specific, they recently had an advantage over you, right?' 'Yeah, they had those aberrants and a precog that only seemed to communicate over the phone,' said the man. Wanda and Tiffany refrained from commenting on his use of the word 'Aberrant', although Tiffany was thinking of exiting through the wall next to the door when it came time to leave."


• Griffin 3:16 (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "It's Monday night... Mom's working late, Dad has taken Sam and Chris to the Orioles game, Quinn's on a date, Stacy's at counselling and Tiffany... who knows? I'm all alone tonight. Perfect."


• It Happened One Gut (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "Kevin looked worriedly at Daria, who had been pounding down peanuts for the past half-hour. He had tried to sneak a few for himself to start, but Daria had growled at him and almost made him weewee himself. She was starting to look a little sick. And if Kevin Thompson could notice something as subtle as Daria looking sick, well, you could bet it wasn't very subtle at all."


• Lawndale Seven Chapter Two, by Wassersauefer (part 2): "Eight feet high, build like a gorilla, eight hundred pounds of muscles, bones and thick white fur was Keviin a giant in a world built by dwarfs. And the only Trogg on Lawndale Seven as far as they knew. The only problem was, was that he also had a brain the size of a human fist. Not to say that he was dumb, on the contrary, for a Trogg he had to be considered a genius, but compared to the more intelligent species of the universe he was just above a pet. And sometimes not even that."


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 3: The Old Middleton Try, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'I saw a flyer for a college prep course that the high school is doing this week. Maybe we could sign the girls up for that.' 'Not a bad idea,' Jake said, then looked at the stairs. 'I just hope that the girls will be able to handle the idea.' 'Of a prep course?' 'Of being without us.'" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 4: angst.lawndale.com, by Hyrin (part 1): "'Damn it, Jane! I'm not going to let you just run away from me! You're my best friend, and I'll see myself burning in a deeper ring of Hell before I lose you too!' They both froze, shocked by Daria's outburst. 'I'm your what?' Jane asked in a low whisper. 'You're my best friend,' Daria said emphatically, stressing each word. 'And I'll be damned before I lose you.'"


• Negajane's Bad Day ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Negajane walked into the next reality, annihilation sphere ready, saying 'Okay, so what..........' Daria and Butt-head looked up: 'Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh' Quinn and Beavis did too: 'Heh heh heh heh heh heh'"


• Promises, by LadieT (part 8): "'I don't hate you - Daria might - but I don't. I should, with the way you hurt Daria by not being there for us, but I can't. See, as much as you piss me off, I still have a twisted air of respect for you. Daria wouldn't be here,' Jane said as her hand made a swooping motion above her, 'without you. I'm happy and married to the woman I love because of you. So to me, you'll always be Mrs. Morgendorffer - unless you get your head out of your ass, then Daria and I might start calling you mom,' Jane's deep blue eyes were staring directly at Helen, unmoving and unblinking."


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "'...So, you see, Stacy, when the world ends, it's not a question of where will you be ... You need to address the more important question: What will you wear? You need to know how to dress for disaster. Start with the basic black dress. Yes, it'll work there too.'"


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "He leans forward, puts his fingertips together, and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. 'Silent Hill is what is going on here,' he says. 'Not the town itself, but the area in which it is located. I could go into the long, boring historical details, but suffice it to say that strange events have been taking place here for centuries. The most common of these occurrences would be the mysterious disappearances.'" (New Part)


• Searching For a New Hope, by thatLONERchick: "'Whoa,' Jane breathed as she regarded her friend with calculating eyes. 'I've never seen you lay into someone like that. What the hell'd he do to piss you off, anyway?' Daria's lips were pressed into a thin line as she spun the dial and pulled open the door of her locker. 'Never mind,' she replied in a tart voice as she switched out books and slammed her locker shut. 'I just wish I had never laid eyes on the asshole in the first place.'"


• Situation Update ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): ""Those are members of the Legion," the man spoke. "Michael Jordan Mackenzie... and Daria Morgendorffer." "No," the second voice corrected him. "The individuals we are viewing are 1st Lt. Michael James Mackenzie - Third Texas Infantry, Army of the Free Christian Republic of Texas - and that world's version of Daria Morgendorffer." "That world's - this is an alternate reality?""


• Someone Else's World, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'I change things and... oh.' She smiled, coldly. 'I see. Yes, I see it now.' 'Daria?' 'There was a reason I came here.' 'Daria, you're scaring m-'"


• Stomach of Darkness (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "Jane looked up from her sculpture to see Daria wolfing down her supply of gummy bears. 'Damnit!' Jane cried out. 'Daria, you do know you're eating my art supplies, right? The ones I told you I was going to microwave to paint my sculpture, right?'"


• Summer Fling, by GingerLove84 (part 6): "DARIA: Isn't it amazing how I've spent most of my life listening you tell me how I need to open up to people. I need to make more friends, find a nice boy to date. I finally listen on both accounts and now you're telling me I need to cut myself off from them? HELEN: I would hardly call Jesse a nice boy Daria... DARIA: Really? (Bt) How much do you really know about him?"


• Terror on Dega Street, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "Before either one of them could formulate an appropriate response, the shape reappeared and leaped from the roof of the short building, plummeted down into the alley, and landed squarely on the roof of their car, denting it and cracking all of the windows with the force of impact. It was a girl. A young girl by the looks of it, wearing a mostly denim outfit. She crouched on the car's roof, every muscle tensed in preparation, looking almost like a tiger ready to strike. A paintball gun hung from her shoulders by a heavy duty strap, and her face was completely concealed by a paintball mask."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Addicted to "being special"), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "'Yes, Mr. Sheen! Of course, Mr. Sheen!' Daria hung up her phone and turned to speak to her friend Jane."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "She gets out of bed, leaves her room and quietly makes her way downstairs to the kitchen. She gets a soda and returns to her room, locking the door behind her, and stuffing a towel at the bottom of the door from edge to edge."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "'No no no, it's too late for that turtle thing to work now, Morgendorffer! Out with it, or I shall have to fetch young Miss Quinn and her torture devices.' At first it looked like Daria was simply going to continue staring at her own lap, but finally she looked up in mock horror. 'Not . . . the curling iron?'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by Stripey (COMPLETE!): "Jake shook the jar, opened it, and smelled the salty, tangy scent of the contents. He carefully tipped them the waiting bowl. The clear glass held the precious gems and showed off the green skins to brilliant effect. He reached a finger forwards, carefully looked left and right to be sure no one was watching, then plucked one up and popped it in his mouth. Mmmm, happiness. "


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by untra (COMPLETE!): "Helen didn't know what to do. This one moment of time was suddenly free to her. She didn't know what she would do with that time. Organize my office? Empty the trash? Talk to my fellow backstabbing coworkers? She sighed and sat down in front of her computer. She opened up her internet browser and thought of something to do."


• Worldhopper, Chapter 3, by Erin M. (part 2): "Daria skidded to a halt as she saw the armored PPP troops and a couple of Tiffanitos enter the end of the alley in front of her. She took a quick look behind her and cursed silently as the other two goons that had followed her on the street slowly advanced on her. All of them were drawing their weapons. Daria frantically looked around for some sort of escape, but couldn't see one. She was trapped."

Picnic Time!

The last day of August is Eat Outside Day, marking the passing of summer and one more time to bask in the sun before fall. Drinking outside is acceptable, too. Enjoy as you wish.

Today is also Love Litigating Lawyers Day, and we send our cheer and joy to Kara Wild, our very own Helen Morgendorffer clone lawyer and Daria fan, who is braving the wilds of Australia at this moment in the capable company of her sister and Deref the Barbarian. Hey, you guys: PAR-TAY!!!

GNUz!

• Iron Chef Talk: Tom does the right thing! What if Tom Sloane wasn't a jerk at all? What then?
  

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• It's a Sick, Sad, Sad, Sad World, by TheExcellentS (Part 1): It was the opening day at the new Sinclair Casino and Resort built on the outskirts of Lawndale, Maryland, and the combination of high school seniors having just come off their graduation, families on summer vacation and the general social butterfly population ensured a healthy flow of customers for the occasion. A lot of the adult patrons gravitated towards the casino, where the hope would be that one lucky spin on the slots could change your life. They didn’t know it at the time, but for 10 people, their lives would change forever by the end of the week....

Teen Angels

Daria's only flirtation with religion appeared on MTV just 11 years ago today with the episode "Groped by an Angel." The episode sparks a lot of fanfiction ideas, but a big one it fires on is this: could there be guardian angels in Daria? Given all the disasters that the characters experience in the series, the answer leans toward "yes." Seriously, how else could Daria have survived the collapse of the school library roof, her near accident in the family SUV, the sinking of the Princess Fairy, the hurricane, and everything else?

Does Quinn have a guardian angel? Fanfiction says yes. Does Daria have a guardian angel? Fanfiction says yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. Does Jane? Apparently not, dammit, but as she says in "Speedtrapped," she's a survivor and probably doesn't need one. So, maybe "Groped by an Angel" was on to something. (I know the images with this blog post come from "Daria! The Musical," "Lucky Strike," and "Sarcastathon 3000," but they fit so I am using them.)

The Morgendorffers appear to be some liberal flavor of Christian, most likely Protestant, because they have a Christmas tree and are at (very rare) times shown in church. Plus, the outdoor wedding in "I Don't" looked very Protestant to me. Religion doesn't seem to enter much into their lives, except for cursing and weddings. And minor religious bits in certain Sick, Sad World episodes. Oh, right, there's the big Cupid in "Depth Takes a Holiday," but he's a Greek demigod and not really an angel. Upchuck is shown as Cupid in an alter-ego, but he's no angel, either.

Here's what I am pondering: what would a guardian angel from Daria properly look like? Creatively speaking, I mean. I have a mental image of Sandi Griffin's alleged guardian angel as having the form of a heraldic griffon (eagle's head and wings and foreclaws, with a lion's body, rear feet, and tail). A griffon for a Griffin. Works for me.

Any other ideas? Might a guardian angel look at all like a spirit animal from "The Teachings of Don Jake," or like a small animal like the bulldog in "Through a Lens, Darkly," or like a cat? Could Jeffy, Joey, and Jamie actually be Quinn's guardian angels? Why would she have three? Toss out some ideas here. Spread them around like manure and let's see what grows in it.

Angels. Why do they all have harps in Daria? I don't think any of the characters depicted with them know how to play them. Oh, and here are some fan artworks of Daria cast angels:

• "Fallen Angels" (SRA)
• "The Archangel Daria" (Geoffrey Roberts)
• "Quinn as Claire Danes' Juliet, from the movie Romeo+Juliet" (Liliane Grenier)

Meanwhile... hmmm, don't have any fanfiction lists ready. Moar later then. Talk amongst yourselves about angels in animated series. Especially this one.

Halfway Through the Year, We Answer an Old Question

July 1st, it is today, and we celebrate all sorts of holidays and anniversaries as a result, to include:

• Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day
• The 31st birthday of the Sony Walkman, beloved of background character Dawn (at left)
• Canada Day in Canada
• Moving Day in Quebec
• Tartan Day in Australia and New Zealand
• The 7th birthday of Paperpusher's Message Board, ver. 2.0
• Financial Freedom Day (as celebrated by Daria and her Montana Cabin Fund at right)
  
• Hong Kong Special Administrative Region Establishment Day in Hong Kong
• The 49st birthday anniversary of Diana, Princess of Wales (beloved of Sandi Griffin, and here's proof)
• July Morning in Bulgaria
• The 141st birthday anniversary of William Strunk, Jr. (yes, that William Strunk, Jr.)
• The 67th birthday of Tokyo, which is technically not a city though you would never know it to look at it
  
• The 102nd birthday of the SOS signal
• and I forgot, something else, whatever.

What a day! And I haven't even written in the fanfiction yet. Speaking of which...

Remember the good old days almost exactly a year ago, when we used to argue over whether Daria fandom was dying? Remember how we would commiserate over the inevitable wasting away of our happy little suburb, one day soon to vanish in the great megacity sprawl that is Fandomland? Don't those days seem kind of... well... premature?

At the moment there seems to be a literal explosion of new fans and new fanfiction and new everything thanks to the DVD set. I mean, seriously, I can barely keep up with the surge of good reading that's hitting the Internet. The number of DFB2 followers leaped from 9 to 38 in one year, and 95,000 hits to 176,000 in about the same time period. Blammo.

So, to answer the old question if Daria fandom is on its last legs, the answer would appear to be...

Thank you.

FF.net

• College Wry, by LibertyxIsxLove (Part 3): Nick scratched his head, newly dyed blue, and for the tenth time took a look around Trent's basement. "Um, guys?" he finally sputtered. "Where're our instruments?" "Some other criminales prol'ly heard how hard we are!" Max began shouting. "And they wanted to stop us before our music could change the—" "Shouldn't we call Trent and tell him his house was robbed?" Jesse inquired anxiously. Nick rolled his eyes at this idea. "Nah, he's in Australia. It's not like he'd be able to hear us."
• The InDark, by Mediancat (Part 21): Amy Barksdale said, "I believe you." "You say that as though there were some doubt," Daria said. "No doubt," said Amy. "It's a legitimate explanation. It's just one I hadn't thought of."
• NEWER! Fresh TV—The Musical! by Mikata88 (Parts 2 and 3): Chef Hatchet: "Emma! What the Sam Hill are you still doin' here? There's a got-dang hurricane a-comin'! You know... I've never told you this... [sings] Emma, Oh, Emma, You're a gem... a... [looks at watch] Man, this is eatin' up a lot of time. [exits] Don't forget to lock up." (Daria/Total Drama/6teen)
  

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• NEW! Anti-Trope, by Minx (continued): Dean walked through the house but his search for Quinn had so far been unfruitful. As he came to a less crowded hallway he saw a long row of framed photos ranging from the year prior all the way back to the mid sixties. Each one depicted a similar scene: a young, good-looking woman being held up on a group of young men’s shoulders. Under each snapshot was a small gold plaque reading ‘Keg Queen’ with the name of the queen and year the photo was taken. As he walked along viewing each photo he stopped dead at 1975’s winner. His mouth dropped open as he read the inscription: Keg Queen – 1975 Helen Barksdale. (FF.net)
  
• NEW! Daria: Hunter 6—Infectious, by Jim North (continued): "I KNEW those rumors were true!" DeMartino crowed. "And you were HOLDING OUT on me this entire time! For SHAME, Miss Morgendorffer! For SHAME!" "Yes, yes," Daria said with sarcastic long-suffering, "I'm extremely sorry we didn't let you know we were secret agents. I'm a horrible person."
• NEW! Finn Morgendorffer 51: A Matter of Trust, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 3): And then, Jeffy remembered during sophomore year, near the end of the school year when Finn left for a weekend visit to some spa place. When he came back, the guy was a total wreck, barely able to function. When questioned about it, Finn just shrugged and said he hadn’t been sleeping well. He got a bit better, but he was a mess for the whole school year. How the hell did I fall for that? Jeffy wondered.
• NEW! Grove Hell on Earth, by Charles RB (Part 7): Things were going badly. They continued to go badly as the trio walked into the concert, right past the hordes of pierced rockers and alternative fans (alters?) who were having a blast, all love and laughter and life. Everything Daria was destroying was on display, a joke at her expense. She wondered, against her will, if she would soon view Grove Hills with nostalgia. There, she had Amelia to write to; there was an escape. Where was she supposed to go when she’d pissed on that escape? (Jane? Who was Jane? How long would it last before she drove Jane away to?)
  
• Politricks Are Not for Kids, by Brian Taylor (Part 2): The bedroom is almost pitch black with the curtains drawn, but for the little blue glow of a bedside alarm clock. The phone continues to ring. Daria turns on a light and fumbles for her glasses on the nightstand. The phone keeps right on ringing. Securing her glasses, she settles them on her face—crooked—and glowers at the clock, which reads 3:30. Finally, she grabs the phone and holds it to her ear. A long pause follows during which we can hear a muffled voice talking animatedly on the other end....
• A Reality Parent Looks Back, by CR85747 (COMPLETE!): “The Daria years were a mixed blessing,” recounts Amanda Lane from her home in Lawndale, the famous “Casa Lane” that served as the base of the family as seen on the MTV reality show and is now the residence of the retired parents. “People kept calling me: 'Why weren't you there all the time?' There was too much to do. Besides, they took care of themselves fairly well—perhaps surprisingly to people who didn't know them firsthand.”
• NEW! Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): The overhead light flickered off, breaking Quinn out of her reverie. All of the girls jumped in surprise, and Quinn was fairly certain that she heard one of them—Tori, she hoped—squeal a bit. Beside that, everything was eerily silent. The light came back on a few seconds later, and the tension left the air as everyone relaxed. "I do believe that has proven my idea of a fashion lockdown was an excellent one," Sandi said as she went back to applying rouge on Tori's cheeks. "None of us would want to be caught outside if all the lights went out. No one would be able to see how cute we are." Quinn ruefully resumed her braiding. "When you're right, you're right, Sandi," she said with a sigh.
  
• NEWER! Unnamed story (The Hallowed Halls of Fielding), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "God, the Strawberries and Creme flavor is rank!" Quinn cried. "Sorry, 'Kiki'. You're not getting any of my Maple and Brown Sugar flavor," Daria said. "Elsie, how are you doing with your oatmeal?"

New Hope for the Wretched?

Punk rock singer and Mohawk-wearer Wendy O. Williams (of the Plasmatics) was born this day 61 years ago. One of the wildest rock stars of the punk scene, Ms. Williams was also a movie and stage actress, macrobiotic cook, gypsy dancer, animal rehabilitator, and health food activist. (The title for this entry comes from one of the Plasmatics' record albums.)

Why the MTV artists decided to use Sandi Griffin as the model for W.O.W.'s alter ego (at right) is beyond me, but Sandi carries it off rather well, except for wearing her light blue blouse instead of the two strips of electrical tape that Ms. Williams wore on stage. Sandi has her limits, I suppose. Sandi's pose appears to be a modification of Ms. Williams' appearance in a 1982 press photo.

Writer, journalist, and former WW2 commando Ian Fleming was born 102 years ago today. He is best known for creating the action hero James Bond, whom Mack Mackenzie honors in his From Russia with Love jet pack outfit (at left). Lt. Cmdr. Fleming planned and took part in Operation Goldeneye during the war, and the name was later used for one of the more recent Bond films.

The Dionne Quintuplets, the only batch of five identical twin sisters to ever survive to adulthood, appeared on this world 76 years ago today. They had a rather unhappy life, I am sorry to report. They later formed part of the background inspiration for this Daria fanfic.

Finally, we also remember math genius Alan Turing, who submitted a paper for publication 74 years ago that changed the world, as it eventually led to the invention of modern computers. The paper was called "On Computable Numbers, with an Application to the Entscheidungsproblem," and I have no idea what it was about. I don't think even Daria would know. Click the link to read it, and good luck. (Turing and Ian Fleming, by the way, knew each other well. Small planet we have, isn't it?)

BRAKING N0OoZ!

• The Daria Shrine has updated! Hooray!
  

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• Finn Morgendorffer 47: Hell is Homecoming, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 6): The day before the Homecoming Parade was the day they announced the Homecoming King and Queen. They did it in homeroom, so, unfortunately, Finn had to stomach it with Timothy O’Neill. The man had always been a bit splotchy-eyed from crying ever since Barch was arrested.
  
• General Semantics, Private Angst, by Gwrtheyrn (Part 26): On a squishy carpet in Re'lax, dead Daria sleeps, dreaming....
• Into the Fray, by Minx (Part 11): “Whoa, easy there, Rambo,” Sam chuckled as he lurched forward from the pressure. “We both know you’re not going to shoot me.” “What makes you so sure?” Trent said through gritted teeth.
• Legion of Lawndale Heroes Special: Tokusatsu Team Up! by LSauchelli (continued): Daria and Green carefully eyed the older Daria as they walked to the wish-granting Artifact. Green was doing everything in his power not to try to pummel the Planeswalker. Daria had to keep a constant mental reminder that if he even tried, Urza would probably kill him without breaking a sweat.
  
• Robert, by OverlordMikey (preview): "I swear, Robert, mother and father would turn over in their graves if they knew how you let yourself be used by those shameless little hussies from that Fashion Club."
  
• Sister, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): Jane arrived home and noticed Penny getting ready to leave. "Hey, Penny." "In a hurry—got a plane to catch." "Yeah, I just wanted to say..." Jane mumbled the last part. "What?" Penny asked.
• Tales of the Ringbearers: Bad Apple, by Doggieboy (preview 2): "We've got a problem."
• Unnamed story (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Doggieboy (COMPLETE!): "Your money," one of the men said. "We're broke," Daria said, her voice seemingly small. Both pistols aimed at her and one of the gunmen said, "Too bad."
• Unnamed story (Write-Off Challenge 3, Round 3), by LSauchelli (COMPLETE!): Jane knocked on the door to the red-brick house and was surprised when almost immediately it appeared to open itself. She almost jumped back when a green-faced Quinn Morgendorffer motioned her to come inside.
  

"Ooo, my leg!"

"Fat Like Me" came to the little screen nine years ago today on MTV. Daria and Jane's part in the story was lame (sorry, I know), but Sandi and Quinn got to change their relationship. This point has been discussed here before, so click on "fat like me" in the Labels section for more.

Sandi could have wound up with injuries far more severe than a broken leg. Not really sure if that would make much difference to the story, though, unless she was wheelchair-bound for years later. Otherwise, same old thing.

What if nothing had happened to her whatsoever, though? What if she should have been hurt, but wasn't? Having Sandi discover she was indestructible would mean changing some past events (like the toxic vinaigrette subplot), but it would be a trip. I had an idea for something like this once, never got it off the ground. Oh, well.

NY00Z

• A new Write Off Challenge has been started by Kristen Bealer on PPMB. Get in line to participate! Round 1 is up and movin'!
  
• NEW! The first-ever 2010 Art Off Challenge, in response to the Write Off Challenge, has been started by the marvelous Minx. Round 1 is underway!
  
• Bad Science in Daria Fanfiction? Absolutely. Step right in and see for yourself.
• NEW! MDetector5 has re-released two of his older works showing Jane Lane, rarely seen in his stuff: Attempted Jane Times Two and Something for Mindy. Nice to see this.
  
• NEW! Daria has, um, grown in this excellent work of fan art.
  
• RATS! I seem to be having some problems with my home website (theangstguy.com). Maybe it's just my computer. If the blog's left column does not entirely load, let me know. Thanks.
  

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• Bringing the Cheer, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): Daria Morgendorffer woke up feeling relaxed, refreshed, and ready to get the day started. "That's weird," she mumbled to herself as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. (FF.net)
  
• NEW! Finn Morgendorffer 35: The Fat Chick, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 3): “Oh, poor Sandi!” Stacy remarked sadly once the two found a corner. Finn, no longer able to hold it in, started to laugh hysterically. “Finn!” Stacy was horrified at his behavior. “Ha, ha. I’m sorry, it’s just...it’s just so funny.” Finn wiped a tear from his eye and choked out a sentence between his chuckles. “Finn, this is horrible for her!”
  
• NEW! General Semantics, Private Angst, by Gwrtheyrn (Part 16): Daria told her everything else, succinctly. Before she finished, Jane flung herself into a chair, and bit her lip in obvious vexation. "Damn it, amiga, even this second body of yours is just a pawn. You don't know anything more than your old body did, and your fooling around on Mars amounted to nothing. We've gotten nowhere in this past month, and time is running out."
  
• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 13): As Daria drew a quick sketch, she heard something that sounded like a tweet, followed rapidly by another tweet. The two sounds repeated themselves, and then stopped. For a few seconds, Daria thought she was suffering from tinnitus. No one noticed anything. Anderson remained at his seat, reading from the textbook.
• Jacob Morgendorffer, Esq., by CAP (Part 4): Rita looked at her sister closely as they made small talk for several more minutes. Helen looked tired. No surprise there. She knew Helen was knocking herself out trying to be the valedictorian of her class. Her competitive nature would not allow her to try for anything less and she was working part time to boot. Yet there was an odd tightness around Helen’s eyes that Rita noticed but could not put a name to. “Are you okay, honey?” she finally asked.

Caption Contest!

What is going on here?

Write dialog, do a one-liner, describe the scene, go to it.

TURKEY TIME!

The Wisdom of Sandi Griffin

Thanksgiving might be a stressed-out teen with family issues on Holiday Island, but here in the USA it is a time for being with your family even when they drive you totally insane. A lot of Daria fanfic has been written with a Thanksgiving theme, and here it is. Enjoy your drumstick!

• "Home for Thanksgiving"
• "Over the River and Through the Mood Swings"
  
• "Meanwhile, In..." (a story inspired by a passing comment by Jane Lane, about which Jane Lane later expressed satisfaction)
  
• "Pause in the Air"
• "Thanks Giving"
• "Turkey Days"
• "Thanks, But No Thanksgiving"
• "Bitter Harvest"
• "Be Careful What You Wish For (Part 2: Jane)" (a bit of horror for the holiday)
• "For This, We're Thankful"
• "Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!"
• "Daria Went Down to Georgia"
• "There Beneath the Blue Suburban Skies"
• "Southern Thanksgiving"
• "Thanksgiving Lesson"
• "Death from Above"
• "A New Set of Rules"

And a visual bonus: the Daria cast at the original Thanksgiving party, by Robin Sena.

If you insist on a fashionable turkey for your dinner, the one at right should be perfect.

We give Daria the last word.

Have fun!

Bram Stoker's Gone with the Inkblot

Three famous people whose writings surface in Daria episodes were born this day in history. They are:

• Bram Stoker, horror writer, who shamelessly plagiarized Sandi Griffin's Dracula from "Aunt Nauseam";
  
• Hermann Rorschach, psychologist-superhero and inventor of the Rorschach test, which Daria flunked in two different episodes ("Esteemsters" and "Boxing Daria"); and
• Margaret Mitchell, who wrote a novel about wind that was made into a movie that Daria and Quinn watched for sisterly bonding purposes in "Aunt Nauseam."

All of the above died before they could see their works parodied on Daria. A shame, but probably for the best.

What next... I still think the inkblot above looks like a Balrog crying because he dropped his Valentines. Angst, oh the angst. And now... moar gnuz!

• New PPMB Iron Chef: Innocent Bystanders Screw It Up Again!
• And another Iron Chef: Tooth and Nail!
• A new fanfic, "Lawndale Tokyo," is coming soon from Vlademir1. Stay tooned.
• And Sick, Sad World has updated again! Hooray for Wraith! Wow, I missed a lot of updates there. Sorry!
• NEW! The Daria Fan Club is up to 1,477 members, and a lot of new content is being added. I anticipate that as we get closer to the release of the official Daria DVD set, interest in Daria will rise. Hope it stays at a sustainable level afterward.
  

PPMB

• Daria: Hunter, by Jim North (continued): Daria dove to the right and crouched behind one of these units as Jane laid down suppressing fire from her own spot of cover. After making sure Daria had made it up safely, Jane ducked down and started pointing off to her left. Daria glanced out quickly and saw Taylor, her hands glowing brightly even in the midday sun, wending her way around in an attempt to flank Jane's position.
• Falling Into College 71: Merging Goals, by Richard Lobinske (Part 2): Daria paced back and forth in her apartment and grumbled, "Why didn't I just go ahead and do it instead of having Mom to ask her to officiate at the wedding?" "Meow?" Bump said, curled on the sofa and watching her human with bemusement. "Maybe we should've gotten married in Vegas when we had the chance and avoided all of this hassle." "Meow." "After all, what could be more romantic than a ceremony performed by an Elvis impersonator?" "Meow."

"Aunt Nauseam" Turns Eight

"Aunt Nauseam" the episode is eight years old today. One of the most interesting lines from that show, to me, was Quinn's recitation of Sandi Griffin's claim that "[I]f you want to get technical, all writing is plagiarism because you're using words that already exist." That was quite clever.

We also learn that Eric has apparently gone into detox for amphetamine addiction (again) and Amy Barksdale was not as cool as was earlier supposed. We learn that Jake knows something about Civil War cooking (American, not English or Russian or whatever), we learn the show's writers know how to continue a theme in a grand way (picking up from "I Don't"), and....

Wait a minute. Did Sandi Griffin actually type out the entire contents of Bram Stoker's novel, Dracula, and submit it to her teacher? Perhaps she downloaded it from the Internet instead, but that isn't what was said. In a way, this revelation is more interesting that the sororal battle of the Barksdales. Why did she pick Dracula, of all things? Did she actually read the entire book? Does she have a deep and true fixation with vampires, horror novels, Gothic novels, or something of that ilk? She talks about the novel as if it were important to her. Does Sandi have a secret... addiction to reading books? Intriguing.

There is a pun here, of course, involving the 1992 movie Bram Stoker's Dracula (the title of which Sandi was obviously imitating). Moreover, one of the alter egos used on the show has Sandi Griffin dressed and made up exactly like the Dracula of that particular movie. Talk about your running gags! See this link for the picture and details.

The connection between Sandi Griffin and vampirism has been explored in fanfiction, too, as noted earlier in this blog. Another Sandi-the-vampire story was begun by Smileyfax on FF.net, a very interesting tale called "Liquid Diet." (Moar, plz.) This is a fandom theme that resonates.

Anyway, happy eighth birthday to the nauseating aunts. And to Sandi Griffin's Dracula.

What is it with the tsunami of fanfiction lately? Whatever's causing it, I hope it doesn't stop!

FF.net

• Take Me on the Floor, by MandeeMistress (Part 1): [I was going to add a segment of the story here, but with a title like that, why bother. Daria/Trent shippers, have fun!]
  

PPMB

• Daylight: The Hope Mission, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): No human eyes saw the small vortex in space appear. It was there only for a moment, visible as it formed three hundred and fifty miles above the northeastern Caribbean—long enough for an object to appear and pass through. [Look for the cameo!]
• Regifted, by Ajar (Part 4): This is weird, Jodie thought. No parents around pressuring me to do things. Lots of people my own age fending for themselves. It's like Lord of the Flies but with a lot more Piggys.
  
• Unnamed story (1,001 Deaths of Tom Sloane - Part II), by Project Pegasus (COMPLETE!): "Hey you two," Daria said as she walked into the room. "Hey, is that a cheeseburger?" she said with a slight pique of curiosity. "Sure is. Have some," she said, handing the cheeseburger over to Daria. "Oh gross!" Daria said as she lifted the bun to inspect it, "Pickles!"
• Unnamed story (Dead Like Me crossover), by Pinkminx (Part 6): The warm summer breeze glided around Daria's bared shoulders, encircling her as she plodded along the pavement; head down with her arms folded loosely across her abdomen. The vision of Mrs. Johanssen sweeping across the floor of Payday on a cascading kaleidoscopic sea of candy repeated itself once again in her conflicted mind. She was unsure of how she felt. Guilt was one of the prominent emotions, the guilt of her involvement in the death of an innocent woman, but more so the guilt of not feeling guilty enough. She was a grim reaper, Death, proverbial scythe at the ready, and it scared her that she was more than a little okay with that.
• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: TGIF), by Lorenzo Sauchelli (COMPLETE!): Daria was casually chewing gum as her car ran over a stop sign. She raised an eyebrow at the stares she got from the boys in blue and got out of her vehicle. "Whats the problem?" she asked to the nearest officer.
  

Saturday.....

...and the debate over a possible partner for Sandi Griffin rages on at PPMB. Meanwhile, we could have a debate over Sandi's college job choices here, starting with the image at left.

Moar as soon as I wake up again.

Oh! Here we go. Richard Lobinske has posted an exceptionally good idea for rude stories: Quinn's Kegger. It spins off from "Gifted." Try it! You'll like it!


LATE NEWZ: 1,216 fans at the Daria Fan Club. Boy, that thing grew quick.

Now 2,288 pages in DariaWiki. Go go GO!

Roxanne wants to find 50 ways to kill Tom Sloane (per a similar song by Paul Simon). Moar l8r.

Water, Water, Everywhere

The U.N. has once more freshened our calendars with a holiday you never heard of, today being World Day for Water, also known in some circles as World Water Day. Sandi Griffin at left is celebrating the event as best she can. Nice necklace there.

Still not quite awake. More to come as soon as my brain kicks in.

Oh, I did see a news article about a soon-to-be (if not already) famous person who likes Daria. You might find it interesting.

Lots of new material has been added to DariaWiki. A round of applause for everyone who has enriched the website!

A Day That Will Live in Fame-y

HISTORY IN ACTION! A mere 189 years ago, the Russians discovered Antarctica, a deed for which I will always be grateful for reasons that cannot be discussed in a public forum on the orders of my attorney.

This is post #991 here on the DFB2. In a few short days, we will enter a new millennium of blog posting, an epoch marked by yet still more posting, and then even more. I'm trying to think of something to add to that but it isn't coming to mind. Some kind of bold exclamation in French, maybe. Something. Duh.

Two years from today, someone important in Daria fanfiction will be born. Who is it? The answer lies within the first few paragraphs here.

No, not her, either.

Linda Griffin, though she has a kind of an aggressive guy attitude, enjoys positions of power over other women, engages in constant games of oneupmanship, and knows how to properly shoot a bow and arrow, is not a lesbian. She's just Sandi Griffin, grown up, and Sandi isn't a lesbian, either. Ain't happenin', sorry.

For the shocking answer as to who on Daria was an actual real no-kidding lesbian, click here. Be prepared to be amazed, because there was more than one!

When Only the Most Fashionable Fowl Will Do

Sandi is back to remind us that only the most fashionable turkeys should be cooked for this great holiday. Okay, I couldn't find a Daria-type picture of the turkey, so I used this one. It's a bird, so what.

Some of the great fanfics that have featured Thanksgiving as a theme include:

• "Home for Thanksgiving"
• "Over the River and Through the Mood Swings"
  
• "Meanwhile, In..." (a story inspired by a passing comment by Jane Lane, about which Jane Lane later said: click here)
  
• "Pause in the Air"
• "Thanks Giving"
• "Turkey Days"
• "Thanks, But No Thanksgiving"
  

Hope you remembered to defrost the bird, but if not, there's always the microwave.

Giving Thanks for Thanksgiving

Sandi Griffin says: click here.

Thanksgiving may have been a stressed-out teen with family issues on Holiday Island, but here in the USA it is a time for being with your family even when they drive you totally insane. A lot of Daria fanfic has been written with a Thanksgiving theme, and some of these will be named and honored today in subsequent posts. Stay tuned for more.

Quick Note: According to one fanfic, this was the day Daria and Jane passed their self-esteem class in "Esteemsters." Hmmm.

A Day Without Recycling Is Like a Day Without . . . You Know . . . um, Recycling

You can tell that Sandi Griffin is more than pleased to be the poster girl for America Recycles Day. Wearing a worn emerald jumpsuit with a sleeveless polyester jacket and smelly woolen cap, complemented by Army boots and a week-old piece of salmon in her perfectly coiffed 'do, she is the very image of recycling! Good show, Sandi!

Not sure what else to put here, gimme a bit.

Brother Grimace has added a new entry to DariaWiki: Apocalyptic Daria: Twilight Friday. I don't recall reading this or "Waif Fu," however. Are they in the works?

I was reading through PPMB's older threads and rediscovered Decelaraptor's superb AU ending for "The Teachings of Don Jake," located right here. This is comedy at its finest. Kudos to da 'Raptor!

Fanfic update to come.

I Vant to Drink Your Bank Account!

Sandi Griffin as a vampire: that's no surprise. The image is a take-off on the 1992 movie, Bram Stoker's Dracula, which was parodied in "Aunt Nauseam." (Click this link and read the first few lines of the script.)

A good recent story in which Sandi "crosses over to the dark side" is NightGoblyn's "Swan Song." Nice and spooky, great plot twists. Another good one is Legendeld's "Breed." I'm sensing a theme here, heh heh heh.

Oh, I see that Sandi's on Outpost Daria, too. Cool. The more exposure, the better.

Take a Walk on the Weird Side

Eight years ago today, Daria fan/writer/artist Admonisher wrote a critical essay called "A Rant About 'Evil' Tom." He claimed this Evil Tom thing was blown all out of proportion. Is his the voice of calm and reason, or is he another tragic victim of Tom Sloane's hideous mind-control powers? Read it and see.

The MTV alter ego at right: does anyone know what it was based on? Is Sandi supposed to be a famous icon, or is this a totally random thinger? Inquiring minds want to know.

Why did Tom break up with Jane? See "Facial Fixation" for the answer! Thanks, breitasparrow! (Eww!)

Some great threads are playing on the PPMB big screen:

• Things Students Still Are Not Allowed To Do At Lawndale High: Lots of fun one-liners here.
• Scenes that Should Be: Brains for Rent: See the addition by Greystar. Nice.
• Iron Chef: My Secret Musical Talent: A good challenge from WacoKid.
• Who's up for a Dariacon in Maryland? DJPotatoe the artist is looking for visitors. All details to be worked out.
• Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: Dawn of a New Nightmare: See the recent posts by WacoKid!

FF.net

• Schismatic, by Smileyfax (Part 1): "How are you feeling, Daria?" No reply.

PPMB

• Avenging, by Lorenzo Sauchelli (Part 19): She slashed with the other sword, expecting it to be blocked and then, with her fist, she punched the other Daria in the face.
• Sometimes It Rains, by legendeld (Part 3): "Does Dad have a bad habit of going around the country knocking up sixteen-year-olds?” “Beats me.”
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser: That was certainly the most unusual way to die I've ever heard of. I'm still afraid Kevin will come back as a zombie, though. *

SFMB

• Dinner Is Absurd, by Gum Wars (COMPLETE!): "Dinner is served!" jake said proudly as he layed down a 4 course meal in front of his family. "Pasta ala rogue! It means the spagetti of the black and yellow thief! I got the recipe on google!" [sic]
• Yordundal II, by Gum Wars (COMPLETE!): "Hello blane i'm calling about my weird sister...er cousin. She is soooo wierd. she reads books and stuff!" [sic]

* Contains adult content. Seriously. Hang on.

6/6/06: Two Years Later

Other than being the 64th anniversary of D-Day, what else is today? It is the second year since the Day of the Number of the Beast (6/6/06), but we're still here and no Rapture has occurred. Maybe no one qualified. No one from this fandom, certainly.

Today is also supposed to be the National Day of Slayer, the death metal rock group. Interesting, as Mr. Spock would say.

This is also the sixth anniversary since the Eastern Mediterranean Event, about which I knew nothing until recently. OMG. Novarupta, a giant Alaskan volcano, erupted this day 96 years ago. Never heard of that before, either. Moscow and Seattle burned down today in the past, but they're mostly back up now.

All of the above events would be great if used together in a Daria fanfic. Anyone up to it?

On PPMB, acidgirl has posted a startling Flash image of a sad Daria. You have to see it. Excellent work.

The latest entry to DariaWiki? Kim's Pizza, by Doggieboy.