Sandi's Dream Just Came True

Quinn has seen better days now that it's Old Maid’s Day, and in fact she probably now belongs at the Better Days Nursing Home. The good news is that she's definitely not going to need a fake ID to get into any clubs from now on!

Someone tell Jake that it's National Cheese Day and it's the perfect time to try out his squirrel impression. Just...maybe not when either of the girls has a date over, okay?

It would be interesting to try it the next time Helen's sisters come to visit, though. Jake pretending to be a squirrel would have made "Aunt Nauseam," which aired on this day in 2001, a very different story.

"Gimme cheese! I want cheese!"

Jake's on the hunt for a snack with which he can properly celebrate National Cheese Day, but Helen would like to remind him about what the doctor said about cheese. What did the doctor tell him about cheese? I guess we'll never know.

If you're out of cheese, you could always stop by Payday for a free sample of cheese logs...or at least I assume they're real cheese. Who knows? Either way, be sure to use your cart responsiblity because it's Shopping Cart Day! That means no ramming rival customers with it to keep them from getting your cheese log.

Finally, if you just don't want any cheese, why not bake some cookies with Helen and Rita on the anniversary of the episode "Aunt Nauseam," which aired on this day in 2001? Don't worry; the chocolate chips are already in the dough.

Fanfic Update!

• Circle of Strife, by wilddogjj (parts 5 and 6): "Nicole was at the bridal shop for a dress fitting. As the seamstress was making some tweaks to the beautiful white dress Nicole was practically gushing." (Part 6)


• The First Day of Christmas Break, by chaoslordsquidward (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane entered the new Lawndale Internet Cafe. Winter break has just begun for both of them. They decided to meet Quinn after school."


• Pokemon – Ash talks to Dialga and Palkia, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "It worked. The two Electric types were able to start the mechanism."


• Stranger Without Time, by radiofox (part 9): "When Anna arrived at school, she saw a poster for track and field tryouts."

Donut Miss This Holiday!

Have a nice twisted little cruller for National Doughnut Day! Or a bear claw, or a Bavarian cream-filled, or whatever sweet breakfast treat takes your fancy. I'm not here to judge your food choices...but that chocolate doughnut is mine.

Today is also the anniversary of the episode "Aunt Nauseam," which aired on this day in 2001. No doughnuts in that one, but the Barksdale sisters did make some cookies at some point. I think. Did those cookies ever actually make it to the oven?

Fandom News!

• Meester_Lee wonders about story titles and legal exposure.


• welltemperedclavier has a theory about the history of the Daria fandom.


• Smijey posted a new Iron Chef: Daria's Real Father (and then some!)


• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch polls between Urkel and Screech and Jerry Seinfeld and Loki.


• Rest in peace, F. Lee Bailey.

Will the Three Js Offer to Carry Her Dentures?

Quinn's sporting a new look for Old Maid's Day, or maybe this is just Sandi's most cherished dream come to life. You know, I assumed it was Quinn but for all we know this is exactly what Mother Barksdale would look like if she ever appeared on the show.

Speaking of Barksdales, today is also the anniversary of the episode "Aunt Nauseam," which aired on this day in 2001. Of course Helen's mother didn't actually show up in person, but you can't deny she played a major role in the (chaotic) events.

Fandom News!

• Do you have any non-smoothie Bullet Blender recipes?


• Vote in the Deadliest Warrior poll between He-Man and Thundarr the Barbarian.


• See a death battle between Smokey Bear and McGruff the Crime Dog.

Old Maids and Old Arguments

Quinn's looking very...mature...because today is Old Maid's Day. Apparently she forgot Brittany's advice about sunscreen. Her hair still looks bouncy, but I suspect the color comes out of a bottle now.

Today is also the anniversary of the episode "Aunt Nauseam," which first aired on this day in 2001. Erin almost gets divorced, Helen and her sisters almost have an epic feud, and Daria and Quinn almost bond.

Fanfic Update!

• Cynic and a Six-String, by fringeperson (part 16): "'But it's fun! And it looks good on your transcript,' Jodie insisted, trying to get Daria to join her in working on the yearbook. Specifically, for some reason, the photography meeting."


• Delicately Balanced Daria, by Meester_Lee (parts 1 - 6): "Daria Morgendorffer stood near the hall phone and tapped her foot. She really needed to make a call for school. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible; Quinn was using it." (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Lights Out (Pasta's Never-ending Ideas Thread!), by Princess_Pasta (COMPLETE!): "'You see the new chick?' Jane Lane looked up from her latest handiwork, a crude stick-and-poke tattoo of a mushroom, to focus her attention on her unlikely visitor."


• Unnamed story (IC Runaway Daria), by Waylander (part 5): "'Have it your way, my fair-weathered friend. I hoped to settle things peacefully, but if you want blood I'll be happy to oblige,' Captain Blood stepped forward and activated the force-blade."


• What If The Storm Killed Them?, by The Madi Hatter (part 4): "The car trip with Daria, Trent, Quin and Nick was amusing. Between Daria's sarcastic remarks towards her sisters business troubles and the guys then laughing as Trent tries not to swerve into the next lane, it was hard not to at least slightly enjoy yourself."


• The Wounds That Never Heal, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Can I make a suggestion? Don't put up any signs inside Legion Tower, or on the premises.' Kelsi Sunma, the swarthy-skinned coordinator for the Lawndale Food Bank, looked up at Jane from her tablet."

Or You Could Just Hug a Very Old Cat

Quinn's looking very...mature...for Old Maid's Day, and I'm sure she'll wake up from this nightmare any minute now. It's also National Hug Your Cat Day, so if Daria ever achieved that lofty goal of turning "into an old woman alone in a one room apartment filled with thirty year old newspapers and cats," then today's the perfect day for her.

This is also the anniversary of "Aunt Nauseam," which first aired on this day in 2001. We learned a lot about the Barksdale sibling dynamic in that one, specifically what not to do. Still, it brought Daria and Quinn closer together, and is it possible that that was the aunts' plan all along? No, it really isn't.

Anyway, it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for (all two of you), the fourth segment of the "Great Mysteries of Daria" series. This time I'm discussing the fantasy (or are they?) episodes--"Depth Takes a Holiday" being the most notable example. Debate has raged, or at least simmered, in the past over whether that episode is canon, a dream, a hallucination, or who knows what else. It seems unlikely to be based in reality, but we never see anything that specifically indicates otherwise in the episode. The fact that it never gets mentioned again doesn't really matter; few of the episodes really impact later events anyway. And honestly, if you'd gone through a wormhole behind the Good Time Chinese Restaurant dumpster, you'd probably keep quiet about it, too.

The same thing goes for the musical episode, "Daria!" Did the events of the episode take place, singing and all? Or was it a fantasy episode of some kind? It would almost have to be, because I can't imagine Daria willingly singing in public under any circumstances. (Okay, embarrassing her family at Pizza Forest being a rare exception.)

Obviously most of "Legends of the Mall" was fantasy, because each sequence was framed by a character telling it as a story. Still, you can't forget those metal dentures on Helen's car at the very end. So if Metal Mouth is real, then what about the rest of the episode? Is there really a Rattling Girl of Lawndale? Is there a girl buried inside a bomb shelter somewhere in Lawndale? And was that red-haired woman actually Upchuck's mother? We'll never know.

Or Maybe "Old Maid" Could be the Next Family Card Game!

Happy Old Maid's Day! I suppose this is the day we celebrate, in Jane's words, the days "when women either married or shriveled up and blew away." This was Daria's self-predicted fate in Is It College Yet?, too, as she informs Quinn that she expects to turn into "an old woman alone in a one room apartment filled with thirty-year-old newspapers and cats."

Today is also the anniversary of the first airing of "Aunt Nauseam" in 2001. Erin nearly got divorced, the Barksdale sisters nearly killed each other, and Quinn nearly had a nervous breakdown. Fun times.

Fanfic Update!

• At the Crossroads...(Chapter 10), by oni (COMPLETE!): "'Where the hell is Brooke, Sammy,' the one on the counter asked in a panicky tone. Sammy, the redhead, only grunted in response. After hearing the grunt, the brunette’s paranoia increased when she went on to add, 'She was supposed to be here yesterday. What are we going to do about the money? What are we...'"


• Blessings of the Moon -- Chapter 7, by Fhujeth_x (part 1): "'Stacy...' Darkness filled Stacy Rowe's bedroom as the light from the disappearing moon leaked through her window, 'My friend, my sweet, blissful little friend...' The voice was smooth and feminine, drifting into Stacy's mind like a thought, 'Do not fear, my dear... We meet again.'"


• The Chronicle of Daria Morgendorffer, Living Saint of the Adepta Sororitas (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Grifter74: "Records of the early life of Saint Daria are spotty before she joined the Schola Progenium in Lawndale and then the Ecclesiarchy. While we do not know where she was born, we do know that sometime between her 10th and 12th year, St. Daria and her family lived in the town of Highland, on the planet of *******."


• Clique Swap, by psychotol (COMPLETE!): "Scene: Lawndale High Football Pitch, Lawndale Lions are training in their new uniforms which are now red with black markings to mimic the Sith tattoos. Voiceover: 'another change that has since arisen is that Tiffany Blum Deckler has been put in charge of school decor and style.'"


• Daria - Double Down, by neonhomer (part 42): "Daria stopped. Jane kept walking for a couple of steps, and then came back. 'Quinn said I should break up with Trent.' 'Okay.' Said Jane. 'That’s it? Okay? You have tried since we went to Brittany’s party to get me with Trent. Now that I am, you just say okay?' Jane stepped close to Daria. 'You have to do what makes you happy.'"


• Ethan Yeager in Lawndale: Ch 7 Chaos Theory, by Shiva (parts 1 - 3): "Ultimately however Tori had agreed to a compromise, if the stuff that leaked proved to be insufficient to get Ms. Li at least fired, then the grade fixing would be the next thing sent out. 'I just hope we don’t have to go that route,' Tori thought to herself while some alt-rock song played on the radio, 'Because if people do find out that we are involved, we’ll become the most hated people in Lawndale.'" (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Family New, by RLobinske (part 4): "'Amy, I know we haven't gotten along too well, but can you come down here to Lawndale and help with things for a few days?' 'Oh, crap. I've got...no, work be damned. I'll be there tomorrow morning. I know I have the address around here somewhere.' 'Thanks, Amy. I'm really feeling overwhelmed with all this.'"


• Hide and Seek (Scream Scenes), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "She huddled in the closet, breath muffled by her skirt where she pressed her mouth against the material, and prayed. The heavy, erratic footsteps were getting closer."


• Last Rights (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "'Well, well,' Anthony gasped, grinning past the pain. 'Time for my last rights, is it Father?' Father Timothy O'Neill paced timidly into the room and sat on the small stool at Anthony's bedside. 'If you're ready.'"


• Lawndale School of Magic Bad End 1: Upchuck Wins (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by Reven384 (COMPLETE!): "Daria's spell failed. She didn't know how it failed, but she must have messed it up somehow. Now she was completely at Upchuck's mercy. 'Let my sister go and I'll make the vow, but you have to make the vow to. You have to vow to let my sister go,' she said."


• A Mad Scientist's Big Mistake (Scream Scenes), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "In a grey light laboratory constructed inside an abandoned castle from Romania that had somehow found it's way to the outskirts of Lawndale County, an older gentleman with grey streaks in his hair and an eye that popped right out of it's socket on every other syllable, cackled with glee while gazing at the restrained figures down on their tables."


• Operation Glitterberries, by BF110C4 (parts 4 - 6): "'This... this is not my body.' The words leave her lips almost against her will, there wasn’t any other reasonable answer, but it sounded crazier that even the utter nonsense that was published by James Bond. Not even Codename: 707 had faced something as weird in his literary career." (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Prelude to The Avengers, by Reven384 (parts 1 and 2): "Ms. Barch took the test and left the classroom. She’d have to see just how smart Daria was. If she was as smart as Li thought then she’d be a major asset to Hydra. They’d have to hide that of course, but Barch wasn’t all that interested in Li’s goal anyway. She had her own plan." (Part 2)


• A Resentful Cynic Ch. 3 The curse of Middleton, by ST91 (part 7): "'WAIT DAD!' Cried Charles. 'What is it Charles?' He asked slowing the car. 'Mom just came out from the door.' He said indicating the outline of a blonde woman. Immediately Charles II stopped the car and looked in the rear-view mirror, saw his wife leaving the house, put the Jaguar in reverse and came back."


• Return to Highland, by neonhomer (parts 4 and 5): "'Why are you in such a hurry for? This town isn’t going anywhere.' Said Daria, as she was being drug along by Tilly. 'You grew up here. I didn’t. I want to see what this place is all about.' Said Tilly. 'You didn’t miss much.'" (Part 5)


• Sexy Daria: Sexesteemers, by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Daria then inched herself closer to the couple as well, and only then noticed that they were all within a few inches of each other, the air so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife. 'Instead I think I should ask... Are you two, interested in me?'" (Part 9)


• Skylar Feldman's Idea of Fun (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'They look so beautiful...' Skylar Feldman said while stroking the hair of one his favorite pets, the son of the wealthy Feldman family smiled and made a sound of pure bliss as he took in the sight, the product of several hours of careful surgery on the part of his pet doctors."


• Star Trek: Voyager An Alternate Journey 01: Time of Mystery (Non-Daria), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "'Fascinating,' Janeway said. She wondered how two humans from the 20th century could gained a hold of the ship that was now in Voyager’s shuttlebay. 'They are simply asleep,” the Doctor said. 'Can you wake them?' Janeway asked. 'Certainly,' the Doctor said. 'Do so,' Janeway said. The Doctor then used a hypospray to inject a stimulant into the sleeping patients. They began to stir..."


• This Year's Muffins (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Romonica looked at what had her partner thrilled, and her jaw dropped. 'Holy crap!' she said, in a decidedly non-French voice. 'I mean...she is perfect!' Her voice had returned to its pseudo-French accent as quickly as it had abandoned her. 'So waif-like...so pouty...' Claude gushed. 'So...round!' Romonica observed, walking around to see Daria from the other angle. 'Forget the class, we've found our contract winner!'"


• Undying Love, by BrownEyedBagel (part 6): "Another explosion sounded through the house, this time the sound of their front door becoming splinters accompanied the noise. Jane clearly wasn’t agreeing to stay behind. The look on her face sent that message across, and Daria’s aura fading away from her dark haired companion’s body reminded her. Jane recollected her weapon of choice and responded with a very familiar tone."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Invention of Lying), by Typhon (COMPLETE!): "Though my cluelessness, self-pity, spinelessness and ridiculous methods make me an utter failure as a teacher, I have deluded myself into thinking I could be the mentor of someone with real intellect, talent and skills."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Daria stared at her bills, willing them to shrink by at least one figure, but they remained, vast and terrible."


• Vivian, by ST91 (part 4): "For a moment Vivian said nothing. She was furious about the offer and wanted to shout at Steve ... but in her heart she knew that this was her own fault, so she merely said, 'I do not want your money. I've never wanted it.' 'Well you have two choices. You can take my money and go away from here, or go away from this house without a penny. In any case you will not see my children again.'"


• X-Woman Strikes Again...and Again, by Aloysius (part 1): "The call ended and Daria sipped more coffee. Her gaze then settled on a newspaper that sat on her desk. The headline read, 'RESTAURANT ASSAILANT STILL AT LARGE'. 'Idiotic headline writers,' she muttered. 'The restaurant was never assaulted. Just the moron with the phone.'"

NEWZ FLASH! Torn Between Two Sisters!

In the grand tradition of the worst supermarket gossip tabloids, mega-actor Ralph Fiennes (born 47 years ago today) once found himself torn between the steamy lusts of two oppositional sisters: the brainy and cynical Amy Barksdale (left) and the blonde Rita Barksdale (right). As you recall, Amy confessed her undying devotion to Ralph (pronounced like Rafe, rhymes with safe) in "Through a Lens Darkly," but tragically lost him to the scheming Rita before the airing of "Aunt Nauseam" (Rita: "... I promised Ralph—you know, the actor I've been dating—I promised to take him to New York for his birthday, maybe catch a play or two.") Thus, we know "Aunt Nauseam" takes place near this day, in December about 1999-2000.

Why would two animated sisters find themselves catfighting over this man? A close look at Mr. Fiennes in his best known work outfits, shown below, reveals all. No wonder these hot-blooded women cast aside all sororal affection and civilized decency to have him for their very own!

Another cold case solved by the unstoppable Detective TAG. (Thanks once again to the awesome UU and Pinhead for the great images above!)

Movie Quiz: Name the three roles that Ralph Fiennes played in the three movies represented in the above images. Then say what it was about each role that got the Barksdale sisters so hot and bothered. On the other hand, maybe we'd best skip that. And skip the part about how Helen Morgendorffer fits in there, too.

Bram Stoker's Gone with the Inkblot

Three famous people whose writings surface in Daria episodes were born this day in history. They are:

• Bram Stoker, horror writer, who shamelessly plagiarized Sandi Griffin's Dracula from "Aunt Nauseam";
  
• Hermann Rorschach, psychologist-superhero and inventor of the Rorschach test, which Daria flunked in two different episodes ("Esteemsters" and "Boxing Daria"); and
• Margaret Mitchell, who wrote a novel about wind that was made into a movie that Daria and Quinn watched for sisterly bonding purposes in "Aunt Nauseam."

All of the above died before they could see their works parodied on Daria. A shame, but probably for the best.

What next... I still think the inkblot above looks like a Balrog crying because he dropped his Valentines. Angst, oh the angst. And now... moar gnuz!

• New PPMB Iron Chef: Innocent Bystanders Screw It Up Again!
• And another Iron Chef: Tooth and Nail!
• A new fanfic, "Lawndale Tokyo," is coming soon from Vlademir1. Stay tooned.
• And Sick, Sad World has updated again! Hooray for Wraith! Wow, I missed a lot of updates there. Sorry!
• NEW! The Daria Fan Club is up to 1,477 members, and a lot of new content is being added. I anticipate that as we get closer to the release of the official Daria DVD set, interest in Daria will rise. Hope it stays at a sustainable level afterward.
  

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• Daria: Hunter, by Jim North (continued): Daria dove to the right and crouched behind one of these units as Jane laid down suppressing fire from her own spot of cover. After making sure Daria had made it up safely, Jane ducked down and started pointing off to her left. Daria glanced out quickly and saw Taylor, her hands glowing brightly even in the midday sun, wending her way around in an attempt to flank Jane's position.
• Falling Into College 71: Merging Goals, by Richard Lobinske (Part 2): Daria paced back and forth in her apartment and grumbled, "Why didn't I just go ahead and do it instead of having Mom to ask her to officiate at the wedding?" "Meow?" Bump said, curled on the sofa and watching her human with bemusement. "Maybe we should've gotten married in Vegas when we had the chance and avoided all of this hassle." "Meow." "After all, what could be more romantic than a ceremony performed by an Elvis impersonator?" "Meow."

"Aunt Nauseam" Turns Eight

"Aunt Nauseam" the episode is eight years old today. One of the most interesting lines from that show, to me, was Quinn's recitation of Sandi Griffin's claim that "[I]f you want to get technical, all writing is plagiarism because you're using words that already exist." That was quite clever.

We also learn that Eric has apparently gone into detox for amphetamine addiction (again) and Amy Barksdale was not as cool as was earlier supposed. We learn that Jake knows something about Civil War cooking (American, not English or Russian or whatever), we learn the show's writers know how to continue a theme in a grand way (picking up from "I Don't"), and....

Wait a minute. Did Sandi Griffin actually type out the entire contents of Bram Stoker's novel, Dracula, and submit it to her teacher? Perhaps she downloaded it from the Internet instead, but that isn't what was said. In a way, this revelation is more interesting that the sororal battle of the Barksdales. Why did she pick Dracula, of all things? Did she actually read the entire book? Does she have a deep and true fixation with vampires, horror novels, Gothic novels, or something of that ilk? She talks about the novel as if it were important to her. Does Sandi have a secret... addiction to reading books? Intriguing.

There is a pun here, of course, involving the 1992 movie Bram Stoker's Dracula (the title of which Sandi was obviously imitating). Moreover, one of the alter egos used on the show has Sandi Griffin dressed and made up exactly like the Dracula of that particular movie. Talk about your running gags! See this link for the picture and details.

The connection between Sandi Griffin and vampirism has been explored in fanfiction, too, as noted earlier in this blog. Another Sandi-the-vampire story was begun by Smileyfax on FF.net, a very interesting tale called "Liquid Diet." (Moar, plz.) This is a fandom theme that resonates.

Anyway, happy eighth birthday to the nauseating aunts. And to Sandi Griffin's Dracula.

What is it with the tsunami of fanfiction lately? Whatever's causing it, I hope it doesn't stop!

FF.net

• Take Me on the Floor, by MandeeMistress (Part 1): [I was going to add a segment of the story here, but with a title like that, why bother. Daria/Trent shippers, have fun!]
  

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• Daylight: The Hope Mission, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): No human eyes saw the small vortex in space appear. It was there only for a moment, visible as it formed three hundred and fifty miles above the northeastern Caribbean—long enough for an object to appear and pass through. [Look for the cameo!]
• Regifted, by Ajar (Part 4): This is weird, Jodie thought. No parents around pressuring me to do things. Lots of people my own age fending for themselves. It's like Lord of the Flies but with a lot more Piggys.
  
• Unnamed story (1,001 Deaths of Tom Sloane - Part II), by Project Pegasus (COMPLETE!): "Hey you two," Daria said as she walked into the room. "Hey, is that a cheeseburger?" she said with a slight pique of curiosity. "Sure is. Have some," she said, handing the cheeseburger over to Daria. "Oh gross!" Daria said as she lifted the bun to inspect it, "Pickles!"
• Unnamed story (Dead Like Me crossover), by Pinkminx (Part 6): The warm summer breeze glided around Daria's bared shoulders, encircling her as she plodded along the pavement; head down with her arms folded loosely across her abdomen. The vision of Mrs. Johanssen sweeping across the floor of Payday on a cascading kaleidoscopic sea of candy repeated itself once again in her conflicted mind. She was unsure of how she felt. Guilt was one of the prominent emotions, the guilt of her involvement in the death of an innocent woman, but more so the guilt of not feeling guilty enough. She was a grim reaper, Death, proverbial scythe at the ready, and it scared her that she was more than a little okay with that.
• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: TGIF), by Lorenzo Sauchelli (COMPLETE!): Daria was casually chewing gum as her car ran over a stop sign. She raised an eyebrow at the stares she got from the boys in blue and got out of her vehicle. "Whats the problem?" she asked to the nearest officer.
  

I Vant to Drink Your Bank Account!

Sandi Griffin as a vampire: that's no surprise. The image is a take-off on the 1992 movie, Bram Stoker's Dracula, which was parodied in "Aunt Nauseam." (Click this link and read the first few lines of the script.)

A good recent story in which Sandi "crosses over to the dark side" is NightGoblyn's "Swan Song." Nice and spooky, great plot twists. Another good one is Legendeld's "Breed." I'm sensing a theme here, heh heh heh.

Oh, I see that Sandi's on Outpost Daria, too. Cool. The more exposure, the better.

Happy 50th Birthday, NASA!

Yes, space fans, today is the 50th birthday of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Funny to think that I am older than NASA is.

Some great new art is in. MDetector5 offers two (1, 2) "Attempted Helen Drawings," which I think make her look years younger, twenty-ish or so. Post what you think of them on PPMB.

Also, we have hysterical short comic by Breitasparrow called, "Proper Punishment." I must admit this is a side of Daria I have never seen before. Bizarre. You gotta see it.

Wouter wants to revive the old "Cartoon Girls who are like Daria" thread on PPMB. I cannot find the older thread, but when I do I will post its link.

Legendeld has posted again to Legendeld's Rantings. Now, everyone make him post some more.

A teaser is available on PPMB on Legion of Lawndale Heroes, chapter 13.2, from Brother Grimace. It's called "Angel of the Morning." Enjoy away.


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• Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: Dawn of a New Nightmare: thatLONERchick offers a stunning story fragment that fully lives up to the title, "Dawn of a New Nightmare." More. Seriously. A lot more of this, and hurry. This is fantastic.
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): And even though he is not alive, you can still enjoy his electrifying presence in our basement.

Moar sune.

(Remember which episode the above screencap came from?)

Speaking of Aliens, I Forgot About This Guy....

This is a scene from the SF movie Jake was watching in "Aunt Nauseam," just before Trike Girl and her evil minions bombarded him with popcorn. The setting looks like Mars (red landscape, pink sky, two moons in background). You can click on the image to get a larger version of it. I was wondering, what if the alien was real and trying to make a living in Hollywood with bit parts? What if the female astronaut was actually Vivian Taylor and she and the alien had an affair off-camera and they came back to Lawndale to announce their engagement to Brittany but Brian Taylor electrocuted the alien just to see what it would do and Vivian was so distraught that she had an affair with Jake Morgendorffer only Jake didn't know it was Vivian because he had too much to drink in his cheap hotel room after he and Helen had another fight and Vivian got pregnant only she didn't know if the baby was Jake's or the alien's so there was a Very Special Episode of Daria in which everyone had to decide if they would be accepting of the baby even if it had six legs and big yellow eyes and just as Vivian is being rushed to the hospital the ambulance has an accident and Vivian is thrown into the back of the Good Time Chinese restaurant into the wormhole and Jake decides to go in and save her until he develops ringworm and now it's up to Brittany Taylor to rescue her mother and half-sibling and she goes into the wormhole and comes out just as her full grown half-sibling is attacking Tokyo? Wouldn't that be cool? I'm kind of stuck as to what happens next, though. More later.

In Search of the One-Armed Man

As a thought exercise, let's pick a one-shot background character and see how much information we can squeeze out of him. While surfing through the Daria Character Database, I noticed the "One-armed Pool Player" and clicked on the link, only to discover this was one of the few entries that had no character description. Luckily I remembered the one-armed pool player from "Aunt Nauseam" (the one who was playing against Jake) and got his picture for this blog. After reviewing his four-second appearance on Daria, I came up with the following notes.

First, the physical description. The one-armed guy is golden-blond man of indeterminate age, with a droopy handlebar mustache, a long ponytail, long sideburns, and narrow eyes. His most obvious characteristic is that he is missing his right arm at the shoulder. He wears teal pants, a black belt with a rectangular silver plate buckle, and a red long-sleeve button-up shirt (unbuttoned halfway down) with a white t-shirt underneath. A thick dark band is wrapped around his left wrist (a wide leather-strap watch?). Note that his left sleeve is rolled up: who did that for him? Did he do it before putting the shirt on? The shirt's right sleeve is pinned up. Over the shirt is an open, sleeveless black vest. Finally, he wears what appears to be an Army or Marine Corps dress cap with a silver emblem on the front. (Is he balding?) He shoots pool with his left arm, probably resting the stick on the pool table rim. The only line he has is spoken in a rough, deep voice to Jake, a reminder that "You're up!"

Questions immediately surface. When, where, and how did he lose his right arm? Does he suffer from phantom limb problems? Is he ex-military? Was he in a recent war, like the Persian Gulf conflict in the early 1990s, or is he an older Vietnam vet? What is his normal occupation? Lawndale obviously has pool halls. Does Jake go to them now and then? Does Jake know this one-armed guy from somewhere, or just as a pool player? The one-armed guy has a biker look about him, but he probably could not control a cycle with one arm. He could drive a properly outfitted car, however.

Can you shoot pool well with one arm? This YouTube video should answer that question.

What else can you surmise about this guy? How could he be used in fanfiction? The ball's your court. Put your answers in the comments box, and let's see what we get.