Tuesday, December 22, 2009

NEWZ FLASH! Torn Between Two Sisters!

In the grand tradition of the worst supermarket gossip tabloids, mega-actor Ralph Fiennes (born 47 years ago today) once found himself torn between the steamy lusts of two oppositional sisters: the brainy and cynical Amy Barksdale (left) and the blonde Rita Barksdale (right). As you recall, Amy confessed her undying devotion to Ralph (pronounced like Rafe, rhymes with safe) in "Through a Lens Darkly," but tragically lost him to the scheming Rita before the airing of "Aunt Nauseam" (Rita: "... I promised Ralph—you know, the actor I've been dating—I promised to take him to New York for his birthday, maybe catch a play or two.") Thus, we know "Aunt Nauseam" takes place near this day, in December about 1999-2000.

Why would two animated sisters find themselves
catfighting over this man? A close look at Mr. Fiennes in his best known work outfits, shown below, reveals all. No wonder these hot-blooded women cast aside all sororal affection and civilized decency to have him for their very own!

Another cold case solved by the unstoppable Detective TAG. (Thanks once again to the awesome UU and Pinhead for the great images above!)

Movie Quiz: Name the three roles that Ralph Fiennes played in the three movies represented in the above images. Then say what it was about each role that got the Barksdale sisters so hot and bothered. On the other hand, maybe we'd best skip that. And skip the part about how Helen Morgendorffer fits in there, too.

10 comments:

minx said...

Schindler's List
Red Dragon
Harry Potter- Order of the Phoenix

Hmm hot and bothered Barksdale women- Im not touching that one :P

Anonymous said...

Ah, Red Dragon has one of my favorite love stories (that of Francis Dolarhyde and the blind lady). Emily Watson played her in the movie; amusingly, I used to get her mixed up with Emma Watson all the time. (Who plays Hermoine in the Harry Potter flicks, naturally).

Anonymous said...

Red Dragon was OK, shame they f***ed up the ending. Manhunter was better, although I don't think either Amy or Rita would be interested in Tom Noonan (sorry Tom).

Anonymous said...

Nothing topped silence of the lambs- and the fact that they barely changed anything from the original was crap

Anonymous said...

Hannibal is definitely the worst adaptation -- but then, I seem to be the only person who thought Hannibal and Clarice made a great couple.

The Angst Guy said...

Hannibal the novel was incredible. I almost dropped dead during the first chapter. It was brilliant in its use of reversals to produce the most unexpe4cted ending of all.

MJPollard said...

But guys, what are the roles he played?

1. Schindler's List - Amon Goeth, SS Captain and commandant of the Plazow concentration camp

2. Red Dragon - Serial killer Francis Dolarhyde

3. The Harry Potter films - Lord Voldemort, aka He Who Must Not Be Named

As for why these roles attract the sisters Barksdale, you got me. :)

The Angst Guy said...

They're all mass murderers, that's why! Jeepers, it was right in front of you!

Another mystery falls before the button-down mind of Detective TAG.

MJPollard said...

Besides the mass-murderer thing, that is. I mean, the only people I've seen the sisters want to murder is each other. :)

Anonymous said...

They are men of power, ones who will stop at nothing to get what they want.