What If... Sick, Sad World sometimes got it right?

In the movie Men in Black, the agents famously read tabloid newspapers to find out what was really going on in the world. In Daria, Lawndaleans have the Sick, Sad World TV show. What if one or more of the SSW shows was actually correct (most likely by accident), and an extremely oddball thing happened that would soon affect the lives of Daria and Jane?

Think back on some of the SSW bits from various episodes. What if there was such a thing as an enchanted kiss that could go horribly wrong? Or family ghosts who hung around to annoy their descendants? Or canine call girls? (Eww!)

A number of fanfics have sprung from this idea, such as this delightfully infamous example. Many SSW quotes are given at this website (a fanlisting), a good selection to choose from if you decide to write something in this vein. See what madness can be created.

Remember: Trent's urban legend about Metal Mouth was correct! Strange things can and do happen in Lawndale. Perhaps even enchanted kisses gone awry...

It's Find My H-Bomb Day!

That wacky U.S. Air Force did it again! Know what happened 52 years ago today? The USAF lost a 3.8-megaton H-bomb in the river near Savannah, Georgia! (The U.S. state called Georgia, not the other one.) I don't recommend you go look for it, though. Alaska looks pretty good, maybe we should move there. Now.

Mr. DeMartino has some relevant thoughts about atomic weapons and international politics. Hmmm.

NEWZ FLASH!!

Quiverwing has posted the winners of the 2009 Daria Fanworks Awards: Written Works & Visual Works! Anyone who got a story or artwork nominated should stand tall! Congratulations to everyone who contributed. 2009 was a darn good year, and 2010 looks to be even better.

In the art folder in the Alter Egos That Should Have Been thread, Pinhead has produced a lost masterwork by Vincent van Gogh: "Daria and Jane against a pink background." And there was much rejoicing. AND he's also discovered a picture by Edgar Degas: "Rehearsal." Excellent! AND Henri Matisse's extraordinary "Rage." AND Wassily Kandinsky: "The main street."

FF.net

• NEW! See Yourself, by a440 (COMPLETE!): Linda Griffin felt that if anything happened to her, she would need a successor, someone to pick up where she left off so that what happened to her wouldn't happen to her then future children, and that was her daughter, Sandi.

PPMB

• NEW! Cluck Like a Chicken, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): Timothy O'Neil opened his eyes, smiled, and leaned back in his chair with a casual ease that visibly unnerved everyone in the crowded LHS auditorium as he let his eyes wander across the area. "Yeah, y'all ain't trying to punk a brother like a bitch all up in this house," he said, the accent he had perfectly matching someone from the South Side of Chicago.
• NEW! Daria Is Raven's Apprentice, by Project Pegasus (continued): "Hey, I dressed up like an Asian prostitute to win this award! What did you do?!"
  
• NEW! Falling into College 72: Valley of Love and Delight, by RLobinske (Part 6): Michael put his arm around Daria. "I think we're going to make it." "Providing the wedding doesn't kill us." "Nah, it'll make us stronger."
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 30: Parental Discretion Advised, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): Daria shrugged. Why, exactly, was Tom calling her? He was a nice enough guy, to be sure, but he was Jane’s boyfriend and Finn’s friend. She wasn’t high on his priority list. And, after that embarrassing incident last week, Daria had been trying to avoid him. Every time she thought of Tom, she flashed back to that incident where she walked in on him stark naked. It was inappropriate to think of her best friend’s boyfriend naked, at the very least. But it was too shocking to ignore.
• NEW! Finn Morgendorffer 31: The Artist, The Boyfriend, The Bitch, and Her Brother, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): Finn maneuvered his way towards Jane’s room, and saw the door was open somewhat. Finn knocked on it, but the force of his fist pushed the door open further. Jane was inside, with Tom. The two were making out. At the sound of Finn’s knock, Jane broke it off. “Yikes!”
  
• NEW! Kamen Rider D, by Silver (Part 2): "This... this is getting old," Daria muttered to herself, managing to get upright again. She charged and attempted to do to the wolf thing the only thing she could think of doing. She kicked it in the crotch.
• NEW! Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini: Areté, by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Ribbon envy is so... petty," said Kyle Armalin. "And I already have a Legion of Merit. Tell you what, I'll lend you some of my decorations if you don't tell anyone you borrowed them."
• NEW! Outting the Ins, by Vlora (COMPLETE! and with ART!): Daria surveyed the damage in the mirror Jane had brought up to her room; she was wearing a worn, red shirt, a jersey and everything else Jane had ever been seen wearing. Her hair, the worst off, had been-well-hacked off by Jane.
  

Bram Stoker's Gone with the Inkblot

Three famous people whose writings surface in Daria episodes were born this day in history. They are:

• Bram Stoker, horror writer, who shamelessly plagiarized Sandi Griffin's Dracula from "Aunt Nauseam";
  
• Hermann Rorschach, psychologist-superhero and inventor of the Rorschach test, which Daria flunked in two different episodes ("Esteemsters" and "Boxing Daria"); and
• Margaret Mitchell, who wrote a novel about wind that was made into a movie that Daria and Quinn watched for sisterly bonding purposes in "Aunt Nauseam."

All of the above died before they could see their works parodied on Daria. A shame, but probably for the best.

What next... I still think the inkblot above looks like a Balrog crying because he dropped his Valentines. Angst, oh the angst. And now... moar gnuz!

• New PPMB Iron Chef: Innocent Bystanders Screw It Up Again!
• And another Iron Chef: Tooth and Nail!
• A new fanfic, "Lawndale Tokyo," is coming soon from Vlademir1. Stay tooned.
• And Sick, Sad World has updated again! Hooray for Wraith! Wow, I missed a lot of updates there. Sorry!
• NEW! The Daria Fan Club is up to 1,477 members, and a lot of new content is being added. I anticipate that as we get closer to the release of the official Daria DVD set, interest in Daria will rise. Hope it stays at a sustainable level afterward.
  

PPMB

• Daria: Hunter, by Jim North (continued): Daria dove to the right and crouched behind one of these units as Jane laid down suppressing fire from her own spot of cover. After making sure Daria had made it up safely, Jane ducked down and started pointing off to her left. Daria glanced out quickly and saw Taylor, her hands glowing brightly even in the midday sun, wending her way around in an attempt to flank Jane's position.
• Falling Into College 71: Merging Goals, by Richard Lobinske (Part 2): Daria paced back and forth in her apartment and grumbled, "Why didn't I just go ahead and do it instead of having Mom to ask her to officiate at the wedding?" "Meow?" Bump said, curled on the sofa and watching her human with bemusement. "Maybe we should've gotten married in Vegas when we had the chance and avoided all of this hassle." "Meow." "After all, what could be more romantic than a ceremony performed by an Elvis impersonator?" "Meow."

Awash in Snerkiness

Saw an online article that said Daria's Inferno shipped exactly nine years ago today. Also read Wraith's Ramblings for exactly the same date about "See Jane Run." Good times, good essay. More importantly, I saw a question that was asked of Yahoo! Answers, and perhaps it will be of interest to you. [snerk] Guess Daria didn't think that was funny. But I did. And now it's time for the N0oO0Z

• Sarah "Stacy Rowe" Drew is a busy busy busy bee on TV.
• Glenn Eichler has written a very graphic novel.
• Another real-life Daria on the radio? NPR, no less! (I've been a Sarah Vowell fan for years.)
• OMG! Who did the lesbian-oriented Curve Magazine hook up with Daria Morgendorffer? NOOOOOO!!!!!! (I guess Daria has lots of reasons for frowning.)
• And what is Ashley "Janet Barch/Tiffany Blum-Deckler" Albert doing these days? Rock on, mama!
• NEW! Pinhead has an impressively sad picture of Daria called "AAA" (title explained at link).
• NEWER! The Facebook Daria page is the active center of an argument over which character on Daria is their favorite. Is anyone here on Facebook who can check into the group and let them know about PPMB and Outpost Daria and all that? More fans!

PPMB

• NEW! Align Your Books Precisely on the Shelf, Go Out in the Streets, by Wraith (COMPLETE!): “My alarm didn't go off. Didn't even have time to eat." "Not a very original excuse." "But it has the virtue of being more believable than being abducted by aliens, even if that really was what happened." [a Daria/Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei crossover]
• NEW! Grandma's Memories, by GlitterShrooms (COMPLETE!): [Eye bleach warning! Brain bleach warning! Aaaaugh!!!]
• NEWEST OF ALL! The Melancholy of Daria Morgendorffer, by Wraith (Part 1): "Class, today we have a new student joining us. Why don't you introduce yourself?" "My name is Daria Morgendorffer. I'm not interested in normal humans. If you're an alien, an esper, a time traveler, or a slider, come to my side."
• NEW! Rainbow Disconnection, by Disco316 (Part 5): "I just wish guys were as easy to understand as girls.” “Jane,” said Daria, “I’m sure every guy in the world would disagree with you.” [Most Excellent SSW Spot: “These men went to Indiana University to get an education, but they spent too much time on extracurricular activities! The Hoosier daddies: next on Sick, Sad World!”]
• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: Hump Day), by Disco316 (COMPLETE!): "Hey, Kevin?" "Hey, Daria. What's up? "I want to give you a hump." "Well, Daria, I mean that's cool with me, but don't you have that Tom guy for that?"
• EVEN NEWER THAN NEWEST! Unnamed story (Three-peat! New Ideas Thread Wins Again!), by Lorenzo Sauchelli (COMPLETE!): The old man raised an eyebrow. "Really? Don't remember? Hurricane obliterating your town doesn't ring a bell?"

We Visit Daria in Church

Let's see, what's going on. . . . the mayor of Lawndale has been indicted, and his picture makes him look both surprised and unhappy. Today is a wedding day, so it's Saturday (well, Sunday, but this picture was taken on a Saturday), and it's a Super Sick Saturday with Sick, Sad World on Channel 3. (Lawndale has a Channel 3? It has a Channel 4, per "The Lost Girls." Maybe Channel 3 or 4 is the station where Linda Griffin works.)

I wonder what the mayor did wrong. Wonder if it affected anything in later episodes. Hmmm.

More exciting news to come!

Son of the Return of Beneath the Planet of the Sick, Sad World! (Part 4)

Sorry this is late, just got home!

• "Are they making sweaters out of monkey skins? There could be a monkey on your back, next on Sick, Sad World!" (31)
• "Nuns by day, arsonists by night! Torched by an angel, next on Sick, Sad World!" (32)
• "It'll take more than a bout of scurvy to discourage these anti-health-food crusaders! Vegetable-rights activists, on the next Sick, Sad World!" (33)
• "He stole her egg . . . she crushed his skull! Psycho mother eagles on the warpath, on the next Sick, Sad World!" (34)
  
• "Lost in Antarctica, a brave young man survives by eating his own frostbitten appendages! A portrait of courage, on the next Sick, Sad World!" (35)
  
• "What happens when extraterrestrial beings mate with porno stars? Half-human sex machines, next on Sick, Sad World." (36)
• "Today on Sick, Sad World, cursed Egyptians cats come back from the dead to be your pets!" (37)
• "As gang crime rises across the nation, one question needs to be asked: 'Are any of them working for the government?' The Fed's own Crips and Bloods, tonight on Sick, Sad World." (38)
• "She met someone else. He did too. The only problem, his girl was a gorilla! Animal magnetism, next on Sick, Sad World. (39)
• "Are Satanic messages hidden in your favorite rock-and-roll albums? No! They've moved into your cereal bowl! Satanic Sugar Pops—they're devilishly good! Next, on Sick, Sad World!" (40)

More stuff shortly.

Yet Still More Show Promos, Next on Sick, Sad World!

Don't touch that dial!

• "They pose as door-to-door salesman, but they turn house owners into frogs! I came, I saw, I conjured! Next, on Sick, Sad World." (21)
• "Are disappointed TV fanatics taking the pipe upon hearing their favorite show's been canceled? Exhaust fans, next on Sick, Sad World." (22)
• "Meet the renegade restaurateur who gave up a career at The Ritz for comedy on the rocks!" [On a nightclub stage, a man in a fancy tuxedo is pelted with tomatoes.] "The 'matered matre 'd, next on Sick, Sad World!" (23)
• "Was the Hindenburg really an accident, or was it pushed by an evil blimp? Incorrigible dirigibles, next on Sick, Sad World." (24)
• "He showed up in court with his briefs, but left his boxers at home! The nudist jurisprudist, next, on Sick, Sad World!" (25)
• "What happens when a group of psychiatrists decides to make a career in music? The vocal stylings of Pink Freud, next on Sick, Sad World." (26)
• "When veterinarians and restaurant owners become partners, just don’t ask about the hush puppies." [A cat runs across the shop counter, pursued by a nurse.] "Or the chili! When Sick, Sad World returns!" (27)
• "What did the Bride of Frankenstein's family think of her main squeeze? Exclusive interviews, next on Sick, Sad World!" (28)
• "Did Nostradamus predict who will win this Sunday's Super Bowl? We'll tell you here tonight, on Sick, Sad World!" (29)
• "Meet the religious radio announcer . . . with five wives! It’s Mormon in the Mornin’, on Sick, Sad World." (30)

Stay tuned for more!

P.S. MartinUK is thinking about a trip to Seattle. Anyone up for a Dariacon there? See this PPMB thread.

More Great Blurbs, Next on Sick, Sad World!

And they're off!

• "The bullet had his name written all over it . . . literally! The engraver murders, next on Sick, Sad World!" (11)
• "When fish say, 'That's a keeper!' New secrets of the Bermuda Triangle, next on Sick, Sad World!" (12)
• "No beef for your burgers? No problem! Kungu cakes: the ground-insect alternative! Next, on Sick, Sad World!" (13)
• "St. Vitus High, the deadliest prom on the planet! Next on Sick, Sad World!" (14)
• "Little green men from Mars . . . or Ireland? The St Patrick’s Day Invasion, next on Sick, Sad World!" (15)
• "What do you get when you cross a webcam girl's information obsession with a desire to create the World Wide Web's largest search engine? Info Nympho dot com! Next, on Sick, Sad World!" (16)
• "Are imaginary friends riding for free? Invisible fare evasion, next on Sick, Sad World!" (17)
• "The fish isn't the only thing fresh, when he's slicing and dicing in the buff. The Chippendales' Sushi Chef, next on Sick, Sad World." (18)
• "Are Amish boys making their girlfriends split the check? Pennsylvania-going-Dutch, next on Sick, Sad World!" (19)
• "Y2K was a bust, and now they're holding the bag! What would you do if you had enough canned food to feed a Third World country for a month, stockpiled in your bunker . . . and nothing happened? Right-wing militia canned-food fire sales, coming up next on Sick, Sad World!" (20)

Got another two posts' worth, at least! Yeah! Stay tuned.

The Best of Sick, Sad World . . . from the Fanfics!

Nothing important happened today in history to Daria fandom, so far as known, so we will take a sojourn through my personal favorite Sick, Sad World blurbs . . . not from the show, but from the fanfics! Some terrific original show previews have appeared over the years, so to the best of my ability (to use Google, that is), these immortal lines are offered here. You of course are free to offer your own favorite SSW announcements in the Comments section. All hail the mighty power of Daria fans!

(Click on the numbers to get the fanfics these blurbs came from. Minor editing sometimes applied. This offer void where prohibited.)

• "He had several bionic limbs installed . . . but now he uses all of them to cheat on his girlfriend! The busy body, now on Sick, Sad World." (1)
• "This bird could be the answer to the nationwide shortage of hot wings . . . if anybody can catch it! Supersonic chickens, when Sick, Sad World returns." (2)
• "Subliminal mind control! The Taco Bell Dog: just a cute Chihuahua or one sick puppy? Next on Sick, Sad World!" (3)
• "Squirrels that can skeletonize a buffalo in thirty seconds? The piranhas of the prairies, next, on Sick, Sad World!" (4)
• "Now, that's one praying mantis! Bugs for Jesus, next on Sick, Sad World!" (5)
• "Urine in canned processed cheese? Find out why it's call Cheese 'Whiz,' on the next Sick, Sad World!" (6)
• "Is there anything spooky about the frequency of new releases by dead artists? Decomposing, next on Sick, Sad World." (7)
• "Small-town police bust a ring of elderly gigolos. Gropin' grandpas, next on Sick, Sad World!" (8)
• "She took his heart . . . and burned it! Kali cults in America! Tonight on Sick, Sad World." (9)
• "Good thing the show wasn't The Nutcracker! The lesson of low-bid leotards! Next, on Sick, Sad World." (10)

More to come. There are tons of these. I might even continue this through tomorrow night, since nothing important happened tomorrow, either.


FF.net

• The Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants, by medea42 (COMPLETE!): “Quinn, it’s not what it looks like–we were just–” (PPMB) [NOTE: This story makes perfect sense to me.]
  
• Is It Graduation Yet?, by MandeeMistress (Parts 2 and 3): More Daria/Trent shipperiness for all who love it!
• Summer Moves, by MandeeMistress (Part 1): The first summer home from Raft, Daria decides to bring her roommate Harper back to Lawndale to meet a couple of her old friends, leaving out one minor fact about Harper. [NOTE: Story has since been removed from FF.net.]
  

PPMB

• The Cynic and the Defender, by Doggieboy (Part 8): Robert looked down and saw that he was on fire as well–
• Sometimes It Rains, by legendeld (Part 2): “What’s the emergency?" “Trent been arrested for playing bad music.”
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): Ouch. Mega-ouch. Mega-to-the-zillionth-power ouch. More, please.

Go Take a Hike!

Yes, friends, today is National Trail Day, a day for hiking in the great outdoo—NO! DON'T EAT THOSE! Damn, too late. Enjoy the upcoming visit from your spirit animal.

Today is also Union Dissolution Day, but only in Norway, so don't worry about it. Unless you live in Norway, of course.

Wraith has announced on PPMB that he will soon update Sick Sad World, one of the longest-lived comprehensive Daria fansites on the 'net! Hooray!

Now 1,864 articles in DariaWiki, with special thanks to NapalmKracken, Brother Grimace, PlayKid, Ranger Thorne, Nighthawk, Doggieboy, Derek, Medea42, Quiverwing, Reese Kaine, and Dr. Mike for their recent work. Some interesting pages seeing use of the above people's talents: Alison and Daria/Star Wars.

Iron Chef: Educational Cooperative has gathered some new material.

SFMB appears to be dead for the most part. I'm hoping it is only pining for the fjords. A couple recent messages appeared on the Daria and Jane 4ever MB on MySpace.

The Daria Fan Club has 840 members with minor activity in the polling sections. Badly needs new polls. Hmmm.

Want to read more thoughts about Grandma Barksdale and the Barksdale Sisters? Go here.

More tomorrow. Peace out, dudes and dudettes.

It came from TEH INERNETZ!!!!

Want to hear the real Sick Sad World? It's a music show on WRUV, 90.1 FM, based at the University of Vermont, Burlington VT. The DJ's name is Erin, and the show (according to one source) was named for the TV show on Daria. It plays Wednesdays at 2 p.m. You can get it through the Internet*, of course. I haven't heard it; it showed up on a search engine and looked interesting, so . . .

The coolest Jane Lane fan art I have seen in ages: Jane Lane in Succubus Mode. Whoa.

Speaking of Our Heroine, Jane, remember that Jane Lane action doll that came out a few years ago? No? Here it is again. It was a one-of-a-kind, and all we losers can do is drool over the photo.

And a few more Daria-oriented webpages in dire need of adoption and expansion and elaboration and correction and completion (by any willing and determined superfan):

• SideReel
• Toonarific
• TV IV
• TV Rage
• TV Shows on DVD
• TV.com
• Wikia

Enjoy your adopted page and make us proud. Surprise us! Surprise everyone! Party on, it's Friday! More later if I wake up.

* With a capital I. Not to rub it in.

Grrrl Pwrrr!

Ninety-six years ago today, the Girl Scouts of America was created. About twenty years ago today, Jane Lane was deprogrammed after leaving the Girl Scouts so she would stop singing about John Jacob Jingleheimer etc. (We need more Girl Scout Jane fanfic, hint hint.)

Speaking of Lanes, Wouter has issued an Iron Chef challenge called "The Other Lane Girls," in which he asks all artists to try their hands at drawing Summer and Penny Lane.

Speaking of fan art, Christ Oliver presents "Another kiss... almost!" which is an updated version of a picture he drew of Daria and Jane a while ago. Check it out.

Speaking of other Daria and Jane fanworks:

PPMB

• Crouching Monster, Hidden Magic, by LSauchelli (Part 6.1): Messing with insane gods can be hazardous to your health and everything else.
• Size Does Matter, by BlackHole (Part 15): Daria breaks another heart, but it appears that at this high school she's going to break many more. (SFMB version here.)
• Turnabout Confusion, Part II: All The King's Horses, by Dennis (continued): Upchuck as you've rarely seen him: likable.

More later, and always remember this special thought. Cheers!

The Mystery of the Blind Man

One of the background characters described on Wraith's Sick, Sad World website is a guy called the Blind Man. He is said to have appeared in "Esteemsters" but later reappeared fully sighted. I've watched the SSW appearance of the guy who supposedly made out with the entire British royal family, but he doesn't look like this guy at all.

Has anyone seen this person (the one at left) in a background shot anywhere? Just curious as I've never been able to place him. Thanks.

Meanwhile, back at the PPMB Ranch . . .

A special end-of-year message from the amazing Kara Wild, who will one day be our lawyer

Cool new Daria pix from Beatnik Shaggy

Daria FanArt 2007 List - Major Update by Richard Lobinske!

Updates to:

• The completely random post thread, part II - I drank what?
• Bring on some funny!

And, from the Sick, Sad World 24-hour cable news desk:

• Santa: Groped by an Angel?
• Rats as big as cocker spaniels and radioactive green mice that glow in the dark
• The Magna Carta, on sale now!
• Overweight Russian men in tutus performing "Swan Lake" (eye-bleach warning!)

Alien Nation Continued

Continuing our earlier look at "in canon" extraterrestrials in Daria:

So-called grey aliens are seen a number of times in the Daria show, always in picture form so far as memory serves. They suffer from commitment problems in their love relationships with humans, per the section on Sick, Sad World in The Daria Diaries. A large statue of a greenish grey appears at the UFO conventions in "Esteemsters," and there is also a poster of a grey alien's head in the Tank, Mystik Spiral's black van. What do they want? What are their plans? Why can't they stay faithful to their human spouses? Fanfic authors will have to deal with these burning issues, as the series tells us naught.