Write Where It Perverts

"Write Where It Hurts" closed out the second season of Daria 12 years ago today, with various crossovers (The Graduate, at left) and curiosities (at right) in Daria's writing. Daria got to make her mother cry (in a good way) and all was right with the world. Daria was still triumphant.

The contents of this episode have been the subject of many a fanfic. That card game played in the fictional future was in some form featured here and here and here and here and (dang, cannot find that one other story, sorry).

N000Z!

• OverlordMikey drew fan art for "The Lane That Wasn't": The Lane That Wasn't—Symbolism. Excellent.
• Not to be outdone, Minx drew strip poker fan art and entered legend.

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• NEW! 50 Minutes a Week, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Daria, hello! Come in, have a seat. You're putting on some weight. Very good." "Yeah, another two pounds or so. The old metabolism is really working out on all that frozen lasagna." Her tone of voice and look of mild revulsion gave the lie to her faintly enthusiastic words. "There are times I miss my feeding tube." "Yes. Yes, I can imagine. So, given any more thought to what we talked about last week?"
• NEWER! At the Fics with Jane and Daria, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Hello, and welcome to another edition of 'At The Fics with Jane and Daria'. We're your hosts, Jane Lane and Daria Morgendorffer." "Why is it always 'Jane and Daria'? It was MY show, I was the star, it was named after me!" "It's because 'Jane and Daria' just sounds better than 'Daria and Jane'. It's the whole 'a after a' thing. DariA And Jane. It doesn't flow." "Says who?" "Shhhh. Here's 10 bucks. Drop it, OK?"
  
• The Ballad of Daria and Stacy, by Charles RB et al. (continued): Stacy had a plan. It was foolproof. It would work. She was just going to not go to the self esteem class and pretend to Sandi that she no longer had to. It would work. It would work. She was going to do it RIGHT NOW.
• Helen Wheels, by Smileyfax (Part 1): "It all boils down to trust," Daria summed up. "Exactly. It all boils down to trust. Show a little trust." "Mom... Dad... you're right." One heartbeat... two heartbeats... "Can I borrow either car?" "No," Jake uttered instantly, bent over his lasagna. Helen, however, paused for a moment. "Sure, Daria," she said, reaching into her pocket. "Here you go!" She placed the keys to her SUV next to Daria's plate. "Eep!" The sound escaped from Daria's larynx unbidden. "Uh... I mean... thanks, Mom, but I meant... uh... after dinner." (FF.net)
• Jane Lane: Ace Attorney, by LSauchelli (Part 4): They watched as Daria and Gumshoe entered the school through the front door. What was the prosecutor doing there anyway? Didn’t she have the case entirely solved in the first trial? Jane didn’t want to meet her during the investigation, it felt like a very bad idea. She turned her attention back to Upchuck, who was now approaching Daria’s car with a predatory look on his face. “Hey, wait!” Jane shouted. “Don’t touch it!”
• Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Interlude 1): While she hadn't believed in Helen and Jake's decision to send Daria to Virginia, Evelyn Barksdale would have been a fool to pass up the golden opportunity that was her granddaughter's proximity to where she lived. And while she was many things, Evelyn Barksdale was not a fool. Within a month of Daria's arrival to Buxton Ridge, she'd driven down to let her know that she was welcome in her home at anytime. The loneliness and desolation on the poor girl's face had done much to convince her she had made the right decision. That was the day she had decided that her family's wealth and the expectations that came with it would fall on Daria's shoulders.
• Pulp Fiction: Africa, by Chris Tucker (continued): She had walked for two days to get here. Two days and two nights. No water for most of today. Two days and two nights alone in semi desert. Walking towards some small chance of hope for her beloved older sister...
• Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): It was a trick, it had to be. Unpopular kids like that weird art chick were always trying to get attention somehow. And Stacy had probably joined her just because she was miffed about being subtly pushed out of the Fashion Club. Mr. DeMartino was a little harder to figure out, but teachers were always going on about helping people and broadening horizons and not putting others down and other such nonsense, so his involvement could have been part of some kind of outreach program for unpopular students. They just wanted to make the popular kids look like gullible idiots or something, Sandi was sure of it. Quinn and the others might have been fooled, but Sandi wasn't. She was inside her room, safe, where nothing and no one could get at her, not even her traitorous former friends.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria and Military School), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "So this is hell," she thought to herself. Buxton Ridge Military Academy had welcomed a legacy into its incoming corps of cadets. That day had been hectic, irritating and stupid. GO here, get this, take it back and get it stamped, you stupid good for nothing PLEBE! The only good thing is that she was out of Highland. Sixteen years in that pest hole had been enough. Finally, her room assignment came through. She grabbed her things from holding and trudged across the campus to the woman's dorm. "Let me PLEASE get a decent bunk mate, someone smart, someone clever, someone with a brain! (Daria/The Phil Silvers Show)
• NEW! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by Breitasparrow (Part 2): The doorbell rang three times before Trent finally stumbled to open the door. "Hey," he said. "Are you alright?" Tom asked. "You seem kinda, I dunno, drunk." "The band had another fight. We're not really getting anywhere. I think we might be on the verge of breaking up... Uh, come on in."
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by LadieT (COMPLETE!): Mack sees Jane talking to Daria in the hallway. As they are about to turn into Mr. DeMartino's class, Mack approaches them. "Hey, Jane. I have something to tell you." Jane looks at him. She could tell something was weighing heavy on his mind. "What's wrong, Mack?"
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): Jane Lane, clad in black PVC tank top, leggings and handheld BFG appeared behind the unsuspecting Dalek. "Esteem THIS!" "Whoa!" exclaimed Kevin as the smoldering wreck of the Dalek collapsed to the floor. As he rose from his seat, he stepped on the hem of his ankle-length black trench coat and slammed headfirst into the wall, falling unconscious to the floor, in much the same manner as the late Dalek. All that Daria could do was perform the classic Picardian Facepalm maneuver.
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "The school psychologist tells me that all of you have self-esteem problems," the man in the multi-colored coat said. "Well tish-tosh! Low self-esteem merely means you haven't yet figured out just how incredibly brilliant you are and how gobsmacking idiotic everyone else in the universe is!" "Y'know, I kinda liked the celery guy we had last week better," Jane groused.
• Unnamed story (Judith Strikes! Closing Ceremony), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): The home, for a home it was, despite being hewn out of the living rock, was a warm and comfortable place. A cheery fire burned in the grate, giving both light and heat to the small, cluttered living room. Jack sat in his armchair with his feet propped up and his heavy iron boots resting nearby, engaged in working a Rubik's Cube. His daughter sat on on the floor nearby, singing quietly as she knitted the song into a new hat for herself. The girl's singing faltered, and her needles slowed to a stop as she glanced around apprehensively. "What... what was that, father?" The redcap grimaced and slowly rose to his feet. "Bad, that's what it is. Go get my sword." (Daria/Batman)
  
• Unnamed story (More Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): Daria stood in her stiff, pseudo-military uniform, hands clasped behind her back, and watched through the huge observation port of the Highliner as the comparatively tiny transport vessels containing everything and everyone she had ever known were carefully shepherded aboard. She frowned to herself as she contemplated the political, and possibly military, repercussions of her family's move. But, her father had his orders from the Emperor and one didn't argue with His Imperial Majesty... at least, not for long. (Daria/Dune)
  
• The Vision of the Burning Cities, by jtranser (continued): Once again, Daria found herself waiting at the unlit transit stop for the Estragon Avenue bus. A slowly spreading dark grey murk suffused the area, erasing all the details save the engine noises of passing cars with weak fog lights and frightened drivers. Otherwise, all was silent. Her fatigue induced reverie was shattered by the distant sound of a familiar arrogant voice projected from a very great distance, amplified by the peculiar acoustic properties of an intervening brick fence...
• The Worst Thing, by Yogi (COMPLETE!): “Well, I suppose things could be worse.” When Angier Sloan said those words seven long months ago, only the three pairs of female eyes glaring at him with enough force to crack cement stopped Tom from scoffing. Tautological Meaningless Dross, he had called it in his head. Technically things could always be worse, that goes without saying. We could all be infected with a flesh-eating virus that attacks the genitals first. The government didn't decide to test a new secret weapon on Lawndale so, hey, that's a plus, too. Why, we should count ourselves lucky we’re not stranded in outer space! Or smashed to pieces in an car accident!
  

Oh, I Wish I Were an Oscar Mayer Wienermobile...

Just 74 years ago this day, the very first Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was built (according to the Sick, Sad Life Planner). This unique brand of automobile has not gone unnoticed in Daria fanfiction. Great story, Dr. Mike.

Nelson Mandela turns 92 today. Happy Birthday, dude. You rule!

Lord Akiyama tries his hand at redesigning Jane Lane. Hmm... blue...

FF.net (other links added to stories' first mention in this blog)

• A Few Years Difference, by Vlora (Part 6): In her high school years, Daria had never bothered to attend a gig, or even a shindig. Occasionally she was roped into birthday parties (which sucked) and that was about it. All her life she had dedicated herself to not fitting in. That was what she liked people to believe anyway… So the fact she was walking toward an old van with some slacker who happened to be really, really cute? Unbelievable. Some would even go as far as to say actually impossible. But Daria was (apparently) a go getter now, thanks to the slack community of Lawndale where breathing quietly was a talent.
• NEW! From the Fractured Life of Stacy Rowe, by Respite (COMPLETE!): [From PPMB earlier this year]
  
  

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• Daria/Dorian 5: Mountain of Truth, by LadieT (Part 1): Jane broke off the embrace and sat down on Dorian's bed and rested her head against the padding of the wall. She patted at a spot next to her. Dorian joined her. She grabbed the pillow from the top of the bed and placed it on her lap. She directed his head to rest on the pillow. Dorian laid down staring up at the ceiling. Jane started brushing her fingers through his hair. She looked down and stared at his eyes. For a moment, she could have sworn she saw Daria in them. "Hey Daria... I know you're in there... talk to me."
• NEW! Daria: The Puppet Princess of Lawndale Kingdom, by OverlordMikey (Part 2): "Daria, how long are you just going to lay there bemoaning what happened?" Quinn asked angrily. "I'm sulking, not bemoaning. There is a difference." "Daria, how many times have I told you, 'If you want something, go for it.' Don't just stand there complaining about it. How do expect our society to move past the Middle Ages if we never get more powerful female leaders?"
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 53: Purely Magnetic, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 4): “You have a crush on Henry.” Paul’s matter-of-fact tone of speaking was not helping matters. “I do not.” Daria tried being as blunt as he was. “Okay. No big deal. You know, I was thinking Henry should get...” “No! I don’t do dating. I barely do friends. I wanna keep things where they are. It works, it's fine.” “Alright.” Paul shrugged, and Daria wondered whether he just didn’t care or didn’t believe her.
• NEW! Judith Strikes! Mack Dynamite vs. the Crimson Phantom, by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): Judith sat up, unashamedly nude, and began brushing her hair out. "God damn. No wonder they call you Mack Dynamite." she said. In the bed behind him, Mack Dynamite smiled. "You do realize that I'm still gonna have to run your sexy ass into the slammer for what you did." he said, pulling a joint from his nightstand and lighting it. Judith put her glasses on and looked at him with a smirk.
  
• The Shadow Education, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): After a last sweep for electronic bugs (it was her house but you could never be too careful when it came to Li), Diane Bennett took her seat. “This emergency meeting of the Shadow School Board is now in session.” (FF.net)
• NEW! Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): "Ow, Ms. D!" Kevin whined as he snatched his arm back. "That totally hurts!" Claire sighed, grabbed hold of his hand, and wrenched his forearm back over to her. While the wound left by Stacy's nail file hadn't really been very serious, the deep gouges taken out of his arms just above the wrist were much nastier. They had already washed the lacerations out in the small bathroom behind the office, but Claire insisted on treating them with iodine from the first aid kid they'd found under the front counter.
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Jane is Daria's imaginary friend), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): On the walk home (because her parents were always going to be too busy to pick her up), Daria decided this imaginary girl should be called Jane. Nice, normal name. (She'd wanted such a name at times, at least one that couldn't be turned into a term for bowel movements.) Jane could tell her about the upcoming lessons (okay, O'Neill had told them at the end of class): "So, then, after the role-playing, next class they put the girls and the guys in separate rooms and a female counselor talks to us about body image."
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Straight meets Gay), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): [Too short to sample!]
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Straight meets Gay), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Who is this guy again?" Jane said. "My name is Stonewall," the young man said. "I'm sort of a day of commemoration rather than an actual Holiday, but trust me, it's a lot more complex than most people know." Stonewall didn't say much about himself, but it was clear even to the blind that he was FABULOUS! "A lot of the Holidays out there are realllly conservative, and I needed to get out of there and blow off steam." "There's not much we can help you with," Daria said. "We're just not part of that scene." "Oh, definitely. So I decided I'd bring some help with me!"

Hi Ho, Janey-Oh!

As Daria's Sick, Sad Life Planner informs us, Disneyland is 55 years old today. Our Heroine, Jane Lane, takes on the role of Walt Disney's Snow White for the occasion, PLUS! the real Snow White from Disney for artistic comparison. Very clever, these MTV artists.

Charles RB offers up a new Iron Chef: Jane is Daria's imaginary friend. Ooooo...

NEW! RLobinske has updated the 2010 Big List o' Daria Visual Fanworks! Great works on display to the world! Hooray!

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• Apocalyptic Daria: Scarlett's Tale, by Doggieboy (Part 19): Scarlett didn’t know what time it was when she finally woke up. She laid still as she oriented herself to the darkened teacher’s office that was now their room. Roger's right arm was draped over her right side and his thumb was hooked into her panty waistband. My shirt must have rode up, she thought as she chuckled, or he made it ride up. Dirty boy. She smiled and carefully pulled his hand free. I wonder what the schedule is for the showers here.
• The Continuing Adventures of an ANGRY!!! Young Man, by Charles RB (Part 3): In military school, they’d taught him how to survive against all odds. On the football field, he’d learned how to endure great pain. As a high school student, he’d had to put up with lots of idiots. All of his skill and learning would be pushed to the test once more. It was time for History class with Mr. Thompson.
• Daria/Dorian 4: Partner's Compromise, by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "...and, in conclusion, this project taught us many valuable lessons about financial transactions in the real world." Mack looked around the room. "Yeah," Kevin said, "like never leave a cash down payment." Kevin burst into tears. "Oh gosh, don't let them see me like this." The next thing anyone knew, Kevin was running out of the room. Mack watched in confusion as Kevin left. "Umm... thank you very much." Mrs. Bennett took a quick glance at her door before allowing Mack to sit down. Jodie gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. He just sat and shook his head. "Now Dorian and Jane will talk about budgeting a wedding."

• Finn Morgendorffer 53: Purely Magnetic, by HolyGrail2007 (Parts 2 and 3): “I’m just getting ready for Prom right now.” Finn returned, carefully steering the conversation. “Really? I’ve already got my dress picked out,” Stacy gushed. “Please say I can show you. Ohmigod, it’s totally great. Kyle totally thought so too, it’s going to match him perfectly!” “Kyle? Kyle Stentson, the junior on the soccer team?” “Yeah, he asked me, offered to buy my ticket...” “How does a guy who can’t even go somewhere ask you on a date?” “Finn, is there something about Kyle I should know?” Stacy asked innocently. (Part 3 here)
• First Born, by RLobinske (Part 6): "Good afternoon," Derek told the crowd. "Here's your chance to share your stories about friends and loved ones that served their country and are no longer with us. My thoughts are with everyone who ever served in the 21st Infantry Regiment, Massachusetts National Guard. From it's inception as the 21st Massachusetts Volunteers in 1862 to those currently on station in Iraq. All of you are by buddies." He stepped back and motioned to Daria to step forward. She crossed the stage and had to pull the microphone down to be heard. "I'm thinking about my grandfather, Nathan Morgendorffer. He was a Marine in the Korean War that landed at Inchon and was later wounded at Chosin. He was... he was never the same afterward."
• Grove Hell 2: All the Lawndale People, by Charles RB (part 1): Grove Hills had, in the frightened tones of people who are expecting lawsuits or (worse) bad press, informed the Morgendorffers’ that Daria had “run away” with a strange crew. So when Daria turned up at their house the next morning in the company of different strangers and with a dirt-covered skirt, Helen had screamed her head off. After she found out Daria had just gone to a concert, Helen just screamed. A lot. “I can’t BELIEVE you, young lady, this is COMPLETELY unacceptable you’ve put ME down, you’ve let your FATHER down and worst of all you’ve let YOURSELF down, you’re going straight back to Grove Hills—” “Hur hur hur, she said we’ve gone down on someone. Heh heh heh heh!” (FF.net)
  
• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 44): "Hi," said the stranger. "Megan Eastman." "Kiki Morgendorffer," Quinn said. "Morgendorffer?" Eastman asked. "Are you related to Daria Morgendorffer?" "Oh... no. No, it's entirely a coincidence. I'm an only child." "Well... good," said Megan, not entirely convinced.
• Judith Strikes! Educator DeMartino in "Malled!" by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): 1997! The rise of youth crime has forced teachers and the police to be merged into one… Only hard men can keep discipline! Hard men like EDUCATOR DEMARTINO! (Daria/Judge Dredd)
• Judith Strikes! Mack Dynamite vs. the Crimson Phantom, by Erin M. (Part 3): Mack Dynamite's eyes flashed open and he rolled out of bed just as the katana came swinging down and embedded itself in his mattress. He got to his feet, moving automatically into a fighting stance. Across the bedroom, Judith stood at the foot of his bed, arms folded, a smirk on the visible portion of her face. "Nice reflexes," she said.

• Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (Part 17): "I was thinking we should concentrate around the Fenway or Kenmore Square. But... check this out, Jane. The Orange Line goes right near your school too. It stops at a station called 'Ruggles'." "You know, Daria, we could live anywhere we want. My dad says that the North End is really nice and they have fantastic Italian food." "Really?" Daria did a search for apartments there. "There are some good deals there." She went onto Wikipedia for more information on the North End. "Oh cool! Take a look at this, Jane. The North End was where the Great Molasses Disaster happened." "Molasses Disaster?"
• Unnamed story (Behind the scenes in a Daria fanfic), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): Jane eased the gag out of Tom's mouth. "Yeah, sorry about this, but..."
• Unnamed story (Behind the scenes in a Daria fanfic), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): Stacy was beside herself with happiness. Micky, her very favorite uncle, was coming to Lawndale to film a segment for his cable TV series, Appallingly Filthy Working Conditions! on the Discovery Channel....
• Unnamed story (Behind the scenes in a Daria fanfic), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): After high school, Sandi moved out to California and moved in with her flamboyantly redheaded Aunt Kathy...
• Unnamed story (Behind the scenes in a Daria fanfic), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): Daria and Jane sat in the cheap plastic chairs, waiting. Jane passed the time playing computer solitaire while Daria flipped through this week's issue of the Economist. Jane's computer beeped.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Jane is Daria's imaginary friend), by Minx (COMPLETE!): "Now answer me," said Daria to Jane, "why do people think that I'm you?"
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Jane is Daria's imaginary friend), by Roxanne M (COMPLETE!): Artie was hunched in front of his computer screen. An odd assortment of lights were blinking on the display. "You wanted to see me, Artie?" He flinched and turned. "Claudia, I wish you would stop sneaking up on me." (Daria/Warehouse 13)
• Unnamed story (Raft College: The First Year), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): "Hey Daria, I wanna make these ginger cookies for Christmas, and we're all out of molasses. Could you pick some up when you go to the store?"
  

Bad Tom! Bad Tom!

Exactly ten years have gone by since "Mart of Darkness" premiered on MTV. We remember poor Tom eating Jane's art supplies and poor Jane was forced to strangle him. He deserved it.

My Favorite "Mart of Darkness" Quotes

• "Oops." (Tom)
• "Oh no! Oh, my God! Oh no, accessory emergency. Stacy, I have to go. No, Stacy, it's not you. It's not. It's not! Okay, fine! It is you! Bye!" (Quinn)
• "A vision of Christ in a half-eaten candy bar? Talk about 'My Sweet Lord!' The Immaculate Confection, next on Sick, Sad World."
• "I see where Kevin gets his charm." "Yeah, Mr. Thompson's funny." "Oh, shut up." "Okay." (Mrs. Barch and Jamie)
• "I just love laundry detergent boxes. They're so... happy!" (Brittany)
• "What do you think I am? Stupid?" (Brittany) (sorry)
• "Look, Tom's reasonable enough. Maybe if you just talked it out." "Hmm. Sounds sort of drastic." "Then, how about this? Serve him some frozen lasagna and tell him you're sorry you haven't been around much lately, but as soon as you get some time off, you're gonna do something fun together and really catch up on each other's lives." "You know, Helen ought to write a book." (Daria and Jane)
• "Well, you found me. Now you can make fun of the pathetic goth chick whose parents make her work at a crappy job in a stupid warehouse store. Go on, cut me up like you do everyone else." (Andrea)
• "Will whoever has their hand on my butt please remove it, this instant." (Sandi, to...?)

Today in Fanfiction Land...

• A strange post-apocalypse tale begins this day 11 years ago. Recall the title?
• An original character in Daria fanfiction died 147 years ago today, but not in every alternate Dariaverse. Who was he?
• A minor Daria who appeared only once had her wedding gown made this day 74 years ago. Who was she?
• Finally, a popular Daria website was last updated three years ago today. Which one is that?

Stay tooned. Oh, here's the fanfic list.

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• Daria & Son, by Brian Taylor and Erin Mills (COMPLETE!): "Mr. O'Neill?" "Please, Daria, you can call me "Timothy" or even "Tim" if you like. After all, we're going to be colleagues now." It's official. Lawndale High is the tenth ring of Hell.
• Finn Morgendorffer 52: With Extra Bitters, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “Jake, you will be on your best behavior when we go to that mixer. No drinking. You know how you get when you’re drinking.” “It’s a mixer, Helen!” “And I recall when you drank during the paintball trip.” Helen countered. “In fact, make sure you only discuss business and pleasantries. Nothing else, be good.” “Aww, dammit Helen. I can behave if I want to!” Jake shouted. Helen sighed. Perhaps, the morning of this mixer, she’d need to spike his coffee with ipecac.
• Kabti-Ilani-Marduk, by Malakite (Part 4): Daria tried to shake the sensation that she'd become trapped in some lame TV soap opera as she held onto the sobbing form of Sandi Griffin. Sandi had shown up unannounced less than five minutes earlier,made some small chitchat about the WNBA (Daria herself didn't quite see the appeal), then broke down in tears and incoherence. Comforting people wasn't exactly her area of expertise, but she did her best, making what she hoped were comforting sounds as she hugged Sandi and patted her gently on the back.
  

Starting the Week Off Right

A.E. van Vogt, a writer best known during the Golden Age of SF, was born this day 98 years ago. His work is commemorated in a current Daria fanfic by Gwrtheyrn, "General Semantics, Private Angst," based on van Vogt's null-A universe. Yee-haaaw!

Today is also Old Permic Alphabet Day (look it up, I won't explain it), Richter Scale Day (if you love earthquakes, which no one does), and World Intellectual Property Day, which I probably shouldn't mention for obvious reasons having to do with the subject of this blog. Nonetheless, it is a legal thing and Helen Morgendorffer likes legal things, so here it is. And I am proud to say that Daria has to be one of the best intellectual properties in existence, in my own humble opinion. Yay!

If you took a photo of Jane Lane, would she look like this? See also these two threads on real-life Jane Lanes, still in progress!

BRAKING GNUZ! DariaonDVD.com is now open through MTV! (Only for USA, sadly, but still...) Get your free T-shirt while supplies last! As it happens, though, I have too many T-shirts and have already ordered through bn.com, so... oh well!

ALSO! Ticknart has a special message to all fanfiction fans in Comments, below. Help the contest out!

ALSO! I was reliably informed that today is the first BoobQuake Day. This is only peripherally related to Daria, but, hey, it's for science.

Upchuck's Role Model, As It Were

This is the 84th birthday of Playboy magnate Hugh Hefner, and who better to handle the alter ego than Charles Ruttheimer III. Amazing what you can do with degrees in both psychology and creative writing. (Read HH's bio.) Upchuck and Mr. Hefner are mentioned together a lot in Daria fanfiction, of course.

Seen any Jane Lanes around lately?

Stay tooned.

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• Finn Morgendorffer 42: The Suburban Symphony, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “Is Finn there?” a voice with a slight slur had answered. The voice was not one Helen knew. “He isn’t. He’s in Boston for the weekend.” “Boston!” The girl’s voice was enchanted. “And he didn’t invite me.” The sentence tapered into a sharp hiccup. “Who is this?” Helen had asked. “My name? It’s... Lindy.”
• Ring-a-Ling, by Doggieboy (Part 4): Andrea Hecuba sat back on a couch, her feet propped up on a coffee table and a can of Fizzy Gulp in her left hand. A remote control device rested on her midriff and moved slightly as she breathed. A music video blared on a television. She watched it in comfort. Of course, she was more comfortable since her parents were at the hospital visiting a sick friend. The telephone rang. She pushed the mute button on the remote control, then she answered the phone. “Yeah?”
• NEW! Tom Sloane: Angel or Demon? by Quiverwing (COMPLETE!): As I wait for Tom Sloane at Babylon, a restaurant with scintillating views across London’s skyline, I can't help but wonder which Tom is going to show up. Will it be the preppy, sophisticated heir of the Sloane fortune? Or the cynic, charming, low-key ex-boyfriend of Daria Morgendorffer?
  

What If... Lawndale Had Been Closer to Three Mile Island?

The infamous Three Mile Island near-meltdown took place 31 years ago today near Harrisburg, PA. This incident has been brought up in this blog several times, mainly because Lawndale is alleged to be in either eastern Pennsylvania or Maryland, very close to this spot. Jane Lane has something to say about how things would have been different if Lawndale had been a suburb of Harrisburg. Anyone interested in exploring this alternate history should read the notes about it here and a suggestion here.

This is also supposed to be Something on a Stick Day and Weed Appreciation Day, both of which I am sure Jane celebrates yearly in her own special manner.

ART TIME!

• Sandi and Tiffany from Daria: Hunter, by Jim North. Dead on.

FF.net

• Bumpmass, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): [previously appeared on PPMB]
• collar, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): [previously appeared on PPMB]
• Gimme the Prize, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): [previously appeared on PPMB]
• The Girl with Golden Eyes, by Michellesdaughter (Part 6): Jane walked out into the backyard and walked straight towards the two. Effy sat up and gave a little wave and Jane ended up slapping her. Daria ran outside with Jesse behind her. Trent was frozen at first, they all were. Effy stood up and held her face. "The hell, Jane?!"
  
• Pluck'd a White Rose, by Dennis (COMPLETE!): [previously appeared on PPMB] (OD)
  

PPMB

• NEW! Falling into College 72: Valley of Love and Delight, by RLobinske (Part 17): Together, Daria and Michael joined hands and returned down the aisle. When they walked by, Nell whispered to CC, "So much for standing up after the 'if any has reason, let them speak now' bit." Hearing them, Sean said, "Did you really think that they would leave an opening like that that?"
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 39: That S-E-X Word, by HolyGrail2007: Finn started to talk rather fast as Jane pulled his shirt off. “You’re nervous?” Jane asked. Finn only talked fast when he was nervous. “I... a little,” Finn admitted. “I mean, I really do want this, and I really want you, it’s just... you know I’ve never done this before and you deserve to be happy in all ways and I just want to give you the best pleasure imaginable and it’s a lot of pressure and it makes me nervous, and I always talk too much when I’m nervous and...” Finn continued to chatter, however, he did start pulling Jane’s clothes off.
• John Lane 45: Haunted by the Past, by RLobinske (Part 4): Jodie said, "So you're really doing it?" "Unless they're writing in crayon, I'm sure I can edit whatever they give me into something useful," Daria said. "And if they use crayons?" "I'll give it to John to convert into an art project." "Gee, thanks," he said.
• NEW! Kamen Rider D, by Silver (Part 4): D lashed out, punching it in the nose. The monster staggered back, holding its nose in surprise. "You're worse than my last date!" it snapped at her. "Um, we are trying to kill each other, you know." The tiger stopped to consider this. "Right. Forgot." It charged again.
  

G'day, Oz!

Jesse, still shirtless, poses as Crocodile Dundee in honor of Australia Day. Cheers to all Daria fans in Oz! A reflection on Australia Day is offered on PPMB by Deref, a long-time fan.

This is also the birthday anniversary of celebrated SF writer Philip Jose Farmer, who created the Wold-Newton family of which Jane Lane is a part, as least in my opinion. (The last link explains all.)

WARNING: Superfan and webmaster Wraith reports that the Daria fandom site Sick Sad World has been hacked. He is repairing the damage, and we will report when the site is back up.

A PPMB art thread that began with an innocent request for images of Amy Barksdale has turned into a month-long discussion / argument over assumed breast sizes among various Daria inhabitants. If this issue is relevant to your interests, you know what to do.

Ranger Thorne, long live his name, has started an amusing thread about student superlatives (most likely to succeed, etc.). Please visit and contribute!

Moar when I figure out what to post.

Let's Talk Content on This Channel

For a while we will put aside the celebration of oddball holidays and instead talk about content. Think of this as just another channel on the Great Internet TV, billions and billions of channels to chose from, and for the moment you chose to be here.

What would you like to see more of in this blog? What kind of content would keep you coming back?

Give me some discussion about this. I'd like to try something different and am trolling for good ideas. Send 'em my way in the Comments section. Thanks!

A True Musical Holiday

This is a treat. Today is the anniversary of the birth of two music greats: Elvis Presley and David Bowie. Trent Lane at left does his best Elvis impersonation, and Jane Lane at right does her impersonation of the cover of Bowie's Aladdin Sane album (1973, see link for image). Hooray, Lanes! Hooray, music!

It must be said that if that Aladdin Sane pic went any lower, we would have serious NC-17 issues. That's Jane for you, always on the edge. Oh, and hey: her right ear is NOT pierced!

It should also be noted that MTV artists were often extremely specific in their choice of alter-ego inspiration. Trent is not just "doing Elvis." Trent is doing Elvis during his 1968 TV comeback special. Click the link and you will see why I say that. Jane doesn't do Bowie, she does a particular Bowie album cover. Brittany does Madonna from a specific award-winning video, Stacy does Christina from a specific Rolling Stone cover, etc. Artists are a picky lot, aren't they? These alter egos are more than they seem.

Today is also referenced in a certain Daria fanfic, which you may want to read. I didn't realize before that "bhut" on FF.net was actually "Bacner" on Outpost Daria. Good to see you around, dude!


LATE-BREAKING INTERNET NEWS:

• "Something I don't think I'd regret if I had gotten it, is a duck phone. I don't know if they really exist, but I saw one once in the MTV animated series Daria. Instead of ringing, it quacked." (Tri-City Herald, Kennewick-Pasco-Richland, Washington)
• "My all time favorite cartoon is Daria. It was something about Daria's and Jane's friendship that made it seem as if they were more than just friends." (AfterEllen.com) [Well, duh.]
  
• "Cult series 'Daria' still not on DVD" (Connecticut Herald) [Well, double-duh.]
  

Remember: you saw it here first, maybe!

And today is special in other ways, but more on that later.

Come As You Are

I'd much rather stay
home and listen to my
brother practice
the opening to
"Come as You Are."

—Jane Lane, in "The Invitation"

Nirvana's Nevermind was released this day seventeen years ago. Seems like yesterday.


FF.net

• Bait and Switch, by medea42 (COMPLETE AND REVISED!): "Since you, Kevin, are our record setting quarterback and you, Daria, are the first person to maintain a 4.0 at Lawndale High in ten years, we want you to attend this event together." (This tale is updated from its 2001 appearance.)
• Give and Take, by slowlygoinginsane (Parts 2 and 3): Sitting in his car, Anthony DeMartino fidgeted constantly. It had been a long time sense he had a woman over at his house that wasn’t related. Now Daria would be there.
• Liquid Diet, by Smileyfax (Part 2): Silent tears burned salty trails down Sandi's cheeks. What had happened last night...she had died. She had died, and nothing would ever be the same.
• Trent's Equation, by medea42 (COMPLETE!): As he belted "Ow, My Face!" Trent contemplated how all emotional satisfaction in the last three years came ultimately from Daria or Jane.

Fortress CINCGREEN

• Data Dump, by CINCGREEN (Parts 4 and 5): Daria and Sandi discover things are not getting any better. In fact....

PPMB

• Falling Into College 64: This Is Now, by Richard Lobinske (COMPLETE!): "Hey man, hybrid cars don't grow on trees." "Nor do low-volume toilets."
• Farmyard Funnies, Part 4, by Deref (Part 2 of Epilogue): [I am so going to regret reading this. I know I will.—TAG]
• Legion of Lawndale Heroes 13.3, by Brother Grimace (teaser): “You were – you sounded – I like boys - I’m not going out with Jane!”
• Legion of Lawndale Heroes Alternate Future 01: Qualification, by psychotol (COMPLETE!): I don't recall the Army being like this, but Tiffany is in the Navy, so . . . *
• Legion of Lawndale Heroes Alternate Future 02: Investigation, by psychotol (COMPLETE!): Tina Dandrel looked around the party venue in the Luther building, Lexcorp's corporate headquarters. Only Tina's real name is Tiffany Blum-Deckler. *
• Legion of Lawndale Heroes Alternate Future 03: Crystal Clear, by psychotol (COMPLETE!): "We need you to ascertain and verify the location of the soul crystal that contains Lou Cypher.”
• Lost and Found, by magnuskrauss (parts 2, 3, and 4): "Please don't do anything....kinky."
• Mobius Strip, by legendeld (Part 3): Quinn tried to not panic but that didn’t last long. A few hours of screaming did wonders to make it worse.
• The Other Side of Time: Unfinished Business, by The Sidhe (Parts 1 and 2): Bad people just bring out the best in us, don't they?
• Tales of the Ringbearers #??: Decompression, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): “There they are!” a hulking, muscular Cuban Ringbearer called out, Quintessence swirling around his body as he lead the charge across the desert skies. “My God – it’s like the beginning of the Great Zack Walkabout…”
• Tales of the Ringbearers #??: Doorway to the Supernatural, by Lorenzo Sauchelli (COMPLETE!): "We have detected trouble in D-1967. There's a gateway to a Hell Dimension we have yet to identify."
• Tales of the Ringbearers #??: Null Again, by legendeld (COMPLETE!): The Null's physical nature drew life force from human bodies like leeches draining blood. Leaving the host to live on is torment until their body fell to dust.
  

Other

• Jörmungandr, by TAG (up to Part 12): This one's going kinda slow, but hope you enjoy it anyway. (PPMB) (SFMB)

* Contains mature content. Brace yourself.

Let's See What's New on the 'Net

Time for a mighty massive fanfic update in Darialand. But first....

I apologize to everyone at PPMB and elsewhere for not always leaving comments on your stories. Things are usually a little overwhelming for me at home, so I post a few notes, then realize I'll never get anything done unless I do the blog, write on my story, etc. However, I will try to do better and give more feedback, even if it's just "YAY!" Or I'll put something here while promoting your tale to the world. Whatever.

Now the update, but I did add more news-type stuff to the previous post, so be sure to read that, too. (And click on Jane to get the "big picture," too!)


FF.net

• Daria: A Dream of Good, by Project Pegasus (Part 2): "No, I’ve changed my mind; I’m no longer interested in pedophilia or incest." [Not what you think! Check it out—TAG]
• Is It Graduation Yet? by MandeeMistress (Part 6): Not even a day into my relationship, and he’s going to leave me, thought Daria.
  
• Schismatic, by Smileyfax (Part 3): "Dad, can I have a thousand dollars?" The world of a very damaged Daria. What happened? More to come.
• Two Girls, One Financial Institution, by Smileyfax (Part 1): Naughty title, but much blood and violence on the way, oh yes.
  
  

Fortress CINCGREEN

• Data Dump: The World of "Manna," by CINCGREEN (Part 1): “Daria Morgendorffer003, please step to the red line.” The robot extended a mechanical hand and pointed to the appropriate stripe. [Really good!—TAG]

PPMB

• A Death in the Family, by magnuskrauss (COMPLETE!): A funeral and a WTF???? Big fun, this one.
  
• Falling Into College 64: This is Now, by Richard Lobinske (Part 2): Realizing who else was missing, Jake said, "Hey, what happened to Leary?" "He's staying at the Wolfspirit Dog Retreat," Willow said. "Where he can get in touch with his inner nature and run with a pack. Leary really enjoys staying there when we have to go out of town." [Excellent follow-on to "That Was Then, This Is Dumb."—TAG]
  
• Heartless (Evil Jane serial), by NightGoblyn (continued): Here there be monsters, indeed. Nasty story, gotta love it.
  
• The Heather/Damsel Chronicles 1:11 - Clique, Clique Boom, by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): “I want her ****ing head on a ****ing spike decorating my ****ing lawn!” Heather snarled.
• Sometimes It Rains, by legendeld (Part 9): "Shake your butt for the boys on your own time"—Rayne runs into boy problems.
  
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): In the Special Collections Vault of Orne Library, Miskatonic University, Arkham, Massachusetts, Daria and Jane have a special audience with someone they will probably regret meeting, assuming they live beyond the next few seconds.
• Tales of the Ringbearers #10: Hungry is the Night, by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): “I think it’s a little late to save the city of Townsville,” Heather said.
• Tales of the Ringbearers #11: A New Assignment, by Doggieboy (COMPLETE!): “That’s her!” he said. “That’s the girl! Who is she?”
• Tales of the Ringbearers #12: Journey's Debt, by legendeld (Part 1): "...and of course one for having sex in the Lincoln bedroom at the White House.”
  
• Two Aunts, by legendeld (Part 6): My, looks like everyone is getting caught in a compromising position—except Helen and Jake! And a very naughty line or two as well.
  
• Two Wrongs Make A Right, by magnuskrauss (parts 1 to 6): She reached for the alarm clock. 6:01 AM. But the date was wrong. (Or was it?)
• Unnamed story, by JPalmer53 (COMPLETE!): An introductory tale with a 9/11 theme, from a new fan.
• Unnamed story, by magnuskrauss (may as well be COMPLETE!): A wicked little SF-crossover that is finished as is, since you clearly see where it is going. (Heh heh heh heh....)

Happy Mother's Day!

Party on. More later, busy day today.

In the Realm of Improbable Politics

While surfing the 'net I found the poster at left, which was actually used in New Hampshire recently when a Republican named Jane Lane ran for office. Hmm, probably not the Jane Lane we know. Her being a Republican from New Hampshire would be a stretch, even for a cartoon.

Brother Grimace and Roentgen have sent some website addresses to me that might be of interest to Daria fans. More on those later. First, some updates.



PPMB

• Could Have Been, by legendeld (fragment): An accident in a science lab, and Quinn and her husband suddenly have two little daughters. Only they aren't their daughters.
  
• John Lane 34: Barbeques and Gridiron, by Richard Lobinske (Part 3): Nothing says togetherness like the ritual consumption of burnt animal flesh.
• A Little Vacation, by Doggieboy (Part 19): Daria was a cartoon character in Robert's world, but in Daria's world, Robert is—
• My Sons, by legendeld (Part 16): When you care enough to send the very best, send fire.
• Untitled Fic, by MMan (COMPLETE!): Locked up in jail! Denied a phone call! Forced to eat meat loaf! And then . . . OTIS!

More tomorrow.

What Jane Lane Really Does Online (Part 5)

A temporary time-out has been called on posting more LaneBAY stuff, as that corner of the 'net has turned out to be much larger than I had guessed. The whole Lane family seems to have stuff in there, and the webpages (from 2000-2001) redirect like crazy. I'll keep at it. The "Sister & Brother Sites" button at right led to more stuff. Whew! Janey had her hands full there. Still an awesome fanfic idea.

PPMB was being updated by Gamer (thank you!), which was why I could not log in earlier. Wasn't anything personal, I guess. [sniff]

Christ Oliver has announced that with his new iMac he can create the whole Daria cast for Sims 2, gifting the characters with certain special abilities and attributes he is reluctant to mention in a public forum. Uh-oh.


FF.net

• Meet the Monster, by medea42 (Part 1): Trent meets Quinn. Read and enjoy this serial sequel to "Monster."

PPMB

• Avalon, by legendeld (Part 11): Things seem to be going well. You know that can't be right.
• The Cynic, The Fashionista and The Jackass, by Doggieboy (Part 12): This my favorite Western of all time, except for "The Wild Bunch." If you haven't read this, start now.
  
• My Sons, by legendeld (Part 12): “I’m sorry I haven’t picked one loser after another to marry and bleed dry," Helen snapped at her mother. "Jake, I guess we’ll have to get divorced so I can try to catch up to Rita.”
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): Daria and the talking cows debate the issue of who is the ultimate supervillain. Me, personally, I'd go for the GRB like in "Drive."
  
• Turnabout Confusion Part II: All The King's Horses, by Dennis (continued): "Don't mock what you don't understand, Andrea," said Scarlett. "Besides, I wouldn't waste my magic on a third rate popularity whore like Jane Lane." Oooooo. . . .

What Jane Lane Really Does Online (Part 4)

At right are the things Jane "currently" has for sale on LaneBAY. I suppose she does care about her family. That's why she tacks on a huge shipping/handling fee, which is to pay for her trouble in running the website. Each of the categories leads to another webpage. More shortly.





Sorry about the empty space, but there wasn't anything else to say.





Now 1,784 articles on DariaWiki. Cool.

What Jane Lane Really Does Online (Part 3)

LaneBAY has turned out to be larger than expected, with links going to other webpages I'd never heard of. Lots of images and weird stuff. More soon.

I would have loved to have seen this website in full operation. It's bizarre.

What Jane Lane Really Does Online (Part 2)

Here is the header for Jane's online auction page. This just begs and pleads for fanfic. What if she really did start selling off everything in the house? That would be kind of mean. Being abandoned is kind of mean, too. Who knows what she might find under the floorboards and in the attic and basement? Somebody's gotta do this!



More in a moment.

What Jane Lane Really Does Online (Part 1)

So, we dive once more into the WayBack Machine and discover Jane Lane is trying to sell her artwork, and anything else she can find, in an online auction. Her webpage logo is certainly creative and colorful and bears no resemblance whatsoever to any other commercial logo on the 'net. She can explain everything else herself. However, she will have to do it in the next post, because I can't cut-and-paste the type alone, for some reason. More shortly.

An aside: When you think about it, Jane selling off everything in the house online makes a certain amount of sense, doesn't it? As she noted elsewhere: "Click here to shop on LaneBAY: the web's first family-style online art auction. Since Mom and Dad often forget to pay the mortgage, it may be the only way I can hold onto my garret." Ouch.

One Last Quickie

Richard Lobinske has updated the ever-enormous list of Visual FanWorks for 2008. Thank you!

At right is the title image that was supposed to go with Jane Lane's writings on her webpage, but I left it off. Here is is. You know, you can manipulate this and change the words and everything. I don't know what type font the story header is in, but any "teen mod" sort of type will do. There are loads of free ones out there.

I think we're leaving now. Cheers!