Who Wants a Freeeeee T-Shirt?!

Don't look now, but Bing and/or the Spatula Man is gearing up for World Radio Day, even though literally everyone wishes he wouldn't. If you'd like some good radio, check out "Free Radio Lawndale" by Ken Tremberth and Erin Mills. It's unfinished (pitchfork jab), but a fun read.

I doubt it would help their act, but the Z-93 duo might benefit from better nicknames. If so, this is the day for it, because today is also Get a Different Name Day. In the wise words of Jake Morgendorffer, "Then you walk away. You change your name, move to another state, get some ID. It's not too late to start over, Daria, it's not too late! You're still a young man! You don't have to live with your mistakes! Get out while you can!"

Dibs on "Esmeralda."

Fanfic Update!

• A Big Slice of Trouble! (Iron Chef: Drug Front Pizza), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'Tiffany, dear, are you sure this video you saw was accurate?' Sandi asked. 'Yeahhhh, Sandi,' Tiffany assured her one-time leader. 'Mom and Dad say Alex Jones is the smartest man on the Internet.'"


• Daria's Makeover, by Meester_Lee (parts 4 and 5): "Her first stop after passing through the door was the security checkpoint, which today was held by a pair of oversized fence lizards. They scanned her ID and let her pass through." (Part 5)


• Fatal Distraction (Life After Thirty), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Sandi is watching TV in the living room when the doorbell rings. She gets up to answer. It's Lisa. 'Hi, Sandi.' Sandi said 'Hey, Lisa.' 'Can we talk?' 'Sure.'"


• Freefall, by atiyatortilla (part 4): "Friday arrived and with it came the news of Quinn's disappearance."


• Unnamed story (LLH Short Entries #2), by Roentgen (part 169): "5 am. The alarm went off in Tiffany Blum-Deckler's apartment near the campus of Nova Vitae."


• When I Grow Up, by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "Sister Martin had her Kindergartners gathered in a circle for Circle Time. 'Alright, boys and girls,' she said gently. 'Today, I want to teach you a new word. It's "vocation". Can you say "vocation"?'"


• Winter Is Coming, by Meester_Lee (part 11): "The school week ended and everybody was exhausted, despite the fact that Lawndale High's remaining roofing remain in place. Daria and Quinn got picked up after school while Jane remained behind for practice."

Guest stars (dim stars, at that)

The "lost" flipbook called "Guestward Ho!" turns out to have had characters that we pretty much all know about. (The flipbook went on this page in the MTV site.) However, it is helpful to note the CORRECT spelling of some minor characters' names (Alison with one L, Luhrman with one N, etc.). This page was also archived on April 28, 2001. (Italics mine.) Note that "balloonist" is misspelled. (I discovered a number of misspellings on the old websites, but too late to do anything about it now.)

1. ARNO THE BALLONIST—He is not a hoppy thing! He is not Swedish! He is not Norwegian! He's from Denmark and don't you forget it! Oh, yeah, he's the balloonist in "Of Human Bonding."
2. BRAD AND BRETT—These carriers of the dreaded Ruttheimer gene (they're Upchuck's cousins) make a valiant attempt to pick up Daria and Jane in the bleachers of the "Daria Dance Party." Thank the dating gods the girls found out in time.
3. JORDANA—In "The Daria Hunter," this deluded dame runs a tourist trap and is obsessed with the Great White Shark. Are her amazing adventures a Great White Lie?
4. LUHRMAN—This deadpan dreamboat was Daria's date for her cousin Erin's wedding. Did she miss the boat? Was Luhrman really the perfect man for her? We say "no" and forever hold our peace.
5. DAVID SORENSON—In Is It Fall Yet? Quinn whiles away her afternoons live with her tutor, David Sorenson. So how appropriate that TRL-meister Carson Daly provided his voice.
6. AXL—He's the tattoo parlor proprietor whose two-for-one special prompted Daria to violate her navel in "Pierce Me." Well, maybe Trent's eyes had something to do with it. Additional trivia: He charged eleven bucks.
7. TRICIA AND TAD GUPTY—Daria de-programs these well-behaved tykes in "Pinch Sitter." They're based on real kids writer Anne D. Bernstein used to baby-sit for. The only snack food in the house was unsalted sunflower seeds.
8. BING AND THE SPATULA MAN—Dan Vebber created these radio mock jocks for "Jake of Hearts." He says they're based on Buck and O'Connor, who had a morning show on Z-95, a rock station in Milwaukee, in the early 1980s.
9. THE CHEESE LADY—In "Mart of Darkness," this poor soul has to defend her calcium-rich wares from the likes of both Mr. DeMartino and Mrs. Johanssen. A sharpened toothpick proved useless.
10. ALISON—She was Jane's bisexual art colony pal in Is It Fall Yet? Jane was struck dumb, Allison struck out, and singer Bif Naked struck a chord when she provided the sultry voice.
11. BROOKE—She almost made it into the Fashion Club in "Too Cute" after having fat sucked out of her butt and injected into her lips. But then there was that unfortunate nasal relapse.
12. GENERAL BUCK CONROY—He was the ultra-mercenary big mouth who marched into "This Year's Model." Still not half as scary as Romanica.
13. VAL—The hip magazine editor from "The Lost Girls" doesn't look a day over how old she was 10 years ago. Reminiscent of a real-life editor who named a magazine and a talk show after herself. (But her name has four letters, so it's so totally not her!)
14. DANIEL DOTSON—While looking over his lines as the opportunistic artist in "Is It Fall Yet?," Foo Fighters' David Grohl exclaimed, "God, I'm such a sleaze!" We think he was talking about the character.
15. MINSTREL JOCK—Sure, he only has one line in "Fair Enough," but he's a minstrel jock! What more could you ask for?
16. DOCTOR SHAR—The surgically enhanced plastic surgeon from "Too Cute." Gee, it's hard to depict cosmetic surgery in a cartoon character. That must be why Courtney Love hasn't guested on "Cat Dog."
17. LINK—The disgruntled camper from Is It Fall Yet? Oh, grow up, you're on TV."

You can make up your own controversies about these guys. Interesting where Tad and Tricia came from, though. I used to listen to Z-95 when I lived in Milwaukee some years ago. Huh.