Mmmm...Chocolate!

Happy birthday to the late Henri Nestlé, born 197 years ago today. He was the founder of the Nestlé company, which makes (among other, less important things) chocolate. Sure, it may not be at the top of everyone's list for quality, but some of us aren't too terribly discriminating about it.

Besides, as Jane Lane will tell you, the only kind of chocolate worth eating is unauthorized chocolate. Bwa-ha-ha-ha.

Fanfic Update!

• Cereal Offender (Iron Chef: A Constrained Tale), by The Angst Guy (COMPLETE!): "'What is THAT?' cried wild-eyed Jake, racing through the house in his underwear at seven a.m. 'It's a UNICORN!' shrieked Helen, close behind him in a ripped nightgown. 'Never seen one up close before!'"


• Dark Future: Road Worrier, by Charles RB (part 5): "A minute later, an unshaven, eyepatched drifter came out of the bar with a shiv and tried to open the door. 'Daria, don't wave at the murderer.' 'I'm just trying to make friends like you told me to do.' The murderer stabbed the window, to no avail. 'And it worked as well as I told you it would.'"


• For A Friend (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by breitasparrow (COMPLETE!): "'Whoa, man. This is deep,' he said to himself. Just then, Daria walked back into the room. 'Um, Trent? What are you doing?' she said. Trent slowly stood up and walked to her. 'Daria, that story spoke to me. I always knew you were a great writer, but... wow.'"


• General Semantics, Private Angst, by gwrtheyrn (part 40): "'The links have been down for two days, and the science types say it's sabotage, not sunspots. Eldrao told me that you'd been arrested there; that's the last direct report I know of. But image analysis from the VLA has confirmed what the Games Machine broadcast last night: there are two alien fleets in Solar space, one in the Belt, one in the Oort Cloud. I think Vitale split his fleet to keep back a reserve, but -- no telling what they're doing in the Belt. Anyway, the invasion is public knowledge. Now, we're all caught between the feces and the fan.'"


• Ghost Girl chapter four, by Pumpkin Panic (parts 3 and 4): "Daria had noticed a strange absence of spirits as she walked to school. Usually a couple found her and followed her for a while till they reached there boundaries if they had them and then they would fade away. This made it easier to ignore them. If Jane had noticed she hadn't mentioned anything. Then again the ghosts could hide themselves to Jane in a way they couldn't to Daria and Daria almost envied her for that. It was a pity she noticed the absence of the ghosts and not the very real car that tailed her and Jane wherever they went.'" (Part 4)


• God Save The Esteem 33: A Headbutt of Dollars, by Charles RB (part 4): "'I... I can get y'all as far as Happy Dawg's, you can find your way from there...' Travis turned away from Tom, realised he'd have to look at Killer Quinn, turned back to Tom. 'What y'all doing in Fremont anyway?' 'Busting people outta prison,' said Quinn. 'That's nice,' said Travis in a very strangled, please-don't-kill-me voice. 'I'm a singer.'"


• The House of Cards, by Doggieboy (part 7): "Those dreams faded away and finally stopped before I turned fifteen. Last night, though, he came back. This time, he was in the barn with me, Scarlett and the others. The events of that damned day more or less repeated themselves as they actually happened. But there was one thing different this time. By the end of the dream, I wasn't the wolf. I was Death himself."


• Legends Of The Metal, by TheExcellentS (part 15): "'You sure you weren't in a...' Tom took a deep breath and shook his head. He never thought he'd have to utter this sequence of words ever again. '...second wave of American tween melodic rap metalcore band?' The red-haired one, Jeffy, shook his head. 'I don't know half the words you just said, but I heard metal.' 'Yeah!' yelled the blonde, Jamie, 'We love metal!' Well, then. I think I know which version of The Three Js I prefer."


• Revenge of the Demon Plot Bunnies (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by gwrtheyrn (COMPLETE!): "When Daria Morgendorffer attained her fourteenth birthday, five years after they had come to Earth, her grandfather, feeling that necessary aspects of her education had been developed insufficiently, began the practice of strolling with her at night through the rougher parts of various cities. A few months later, two footpads who accosted them, shortly before one Friday midnight in an Antwerp back alley, became her first kills."


• Rude Awakening Ep.8: Three Yards and a Cloud of Dust, by DIsaac (part 5): "JODIE: Well by working here at WHUB - I have become an expert in the craziness of life and work. BRITTANY: They don't seem that crazy. JODIE: Oh, that is because this is the calm before the storm, Brittany. It's coming. It will ALWAYS come!"


• Siamese Esteemsters (IC: We are Siamese, if you please), by TAT_Man (COMPLETE!): "Helen - Easy, Jake. Focus. (to Daria) We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just... don't... get it! (slams fists on table) What's wrong with you?! Quinn - Is she going to have, like, a breakdown or something? 'Cause I would hate to have to drag her drooling body every where I went."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: A Constrained Tale), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane walked down the street, discussing Daria's date with Tom the previous night. 'Never seen one up close before,' Daria mused wistfully as Jane blushed slightly. Suddenly, a creature stepped out of legend and into the intersection next to them."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: A Constrained Tale), by RX-87 (COMPLETE!): "An ajar door caught her eye and she slipped in. It came as quite a shock to her, the sheer size of the room she found herself in. She'd heard of how huge the industrial facilities in the colonies were, but seeing it for herself was something else entirely. But what was in the center of that room was what really set her teeth on edge."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: A Constrained Tale), by Vukodlak (COMPLETE!): "Tom smiled looking down at Daria's sleeping form cuddled up next to him. They were having a picnic in the park and she had fallen asleep cuddled up against him. Daria shifted in her sleep and for a moment Tom could see down her shirt. 'What is that?' he mumbled to himself looking at what he thought he could a tattoo... on her chest between her... his face flushed red at the thought."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef - Jodie the Inventor), by Chris Tucker: "A scream of utter terror shattered the evening calm. There were four women billeted in the Quonset hut that was the BOQ, three of them were in one room playing penny ante poker, the fourth had left to use the bathroom. Before the scream had faded, the three had leapt from their seats, grabbed pistols and bolted from the room."


• Unnamed story (PLOT BUNNIES: free to good home), by RX-87: "'Again, you have no fucking self awareness. I never would have slept with Ann if you'd actually been here for me. You're always blowing me off to go fool around with that brainy bitch from Raft. Don't think I don't know what you're really up to. What is it, Jane? That whole naughty librarian thing get you wet? "Oh, I promise I'll be quiet..."' Paris might have said more if Jane had not chosen that moment to knock two of her front teeth out."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by RX-87 (COMPLETE!): "Rubbing the still-sore spot on her forehead where Daria had stabbed her with that strange needle, she turned to look at her friend for the first time. Jane didn't even know how she'd gotten in, she wasn't expecting her, but right now it didn't matter. She'd simply startled her, coming up and telling Jane she had a surprise, then pricked her head, inducing a strange, horrible sensation, the worst pain Jane had felt since the accident, but when it subsided she could see again. Twelve years of darkness gone in an instant."


• Untitled Short, by Silver (COMPLETE!): "It was a tree. That's all it was. 'Keep telling yourself that, Sandy.'"

Wimmin n Gunz

We celebrate today the birth of the voice of Amy. The voice of Amy Bennett, that is, not Amy Barksdale. Voice actress Bennett played daffy economics teacher Diane Bennett and the chocolate-challenged Mrs. Johanssen for Daria. She turns 35 today, and we gratefully wish her the best. Mrs. Bennett at left appears to be the (modified) alter ego for the lead character in the 2000 movie, Miss Congeniality. (Or maybe not. Any better guesses?)

Patty Hearst turns 66. A young socialite kidnapped by an American terrorist group in the early 1970s, Ms. Hearst was forced to join the Symbionese Liberation Army in a bank robbery until she was captured. She really got screwed over, considering the circumstances, but eventually she was let out of jail and was able to return to being normal again. For some reason, MTV artists drew Jane Lane as Ms. Hearst (compare Jane at right with Patty's SLA image at Wikipedia).

We also wish a happy birthday to 84-year-old Richard Matheson, who created tales of horror, science fiction, and fantasy known to everyone in this fandom. Remember I Am Legend? The gremlin on the airplane wing from The Twilight Zone? Hell House? Duel? The Night Stalker? "The Enemy Within" episode from the old Star Trek? The Incredible Shrinking Man? What Dreams May Come? Somewhere in Time? How many fanfics were inspired by one or more of these works, do you think? I know some of mine were.

SKYPECON is ON!

American Venus

This is quite the party day for film buffs. We start with showgirl, dancer, writer, fashion model, and movie actress Louise Brooks (at left), born 103 years ago. She was at one time amazingly famous and still has fan clubs. The MTV artists did an alter ego of Ms. Li as Ms. Brooks, in black and white like her many movies. (American Venus was one such film.)

The choice of model for the alter ego confounds me, as one alert superfan (Scissors) has pointed out that Jane Lane looks a heck of a lot more like Ms. Brooks than does Ms. Li. Well, whatever. The image of Ms. Li at right (thanks, Pinhead!) can be blown up to almost pin-up size by clicking on it, if you think you won't be visually or emotionally damaged by doing so.

Ms. Brooks, by the way, gave us the bobbed hairstyle. She made it popular, anyway, so Ms. Li and Jane Lane both owe her a debt. A quote from Ms. Brooks: Most beautiful dumb girls think they are smart and get away with it, because other people, on the whole, aren't much smarter.

We also honor the birthday anniversary of actress Veronica Lake, whose peekaboo hairstyle is so well and so often used by Sandi Griffin.

The dwarf planet Sedna was discovered six years ago today. It was mentioned only once in Daria fanfic, and then only in passing. A shame.

Last, but not at all least, Mrs. Johanssen probably knows that today is World Diabetes Day, which is something for us all to think about. Watch the sugar.

Looking for something to do while the MBs are offline? See what's new at DariaWiki. Maybe add a new page of your own. Couldn't hurt.

Nuuz Plash! PPMB & SFMB ARE BACK! HOORAY!

And now for the fanfics.

PPMB

• Daria: Hunter--The Love Triangle, Jim North (continued): "Ready?" Quinn asked once they'd taken a few moments to soak in the ambiance. "Almost!" Stacy said cheerfully as she slipped on a pair of wide-lens glasses.
• Finn Morgendorffer 14: Going Medieval, by HolyGrail2007 (Parts 1 and 2): “So the school is throwing a Renaissance Faire?” Finn wondered to his friends at the lunch table. The news had been delivered just before lunch. “Yeah. Doesn’t it sound stupid?” Jamie stated. Finn agreed. He had never been to one of those before, but it involved wearing those dreadful outfits in a time where people didn’t bathe very often. What could be so fascinating about that, aside from the primal, visceral pleasure of eating meat on a bone?
• Reusably Complex, by Ajar (Part 7): "Consider if you will one Quinn Morgendorffer. A girl whose concern doesn't go far beyond the neatness of her hair, the painting of her face and the style of her clothing. This is a girl who has lived a charmed but empty life of popularity, boys, and diet soda. However, she's going to have to relive the memory of when her almost sister ruined it all in... The Twilight Zone."
• Unnamed story, by Trscroggs (Part 1): If our hypothetical observer was capable of seeing more clearly through the fog, the would have been able to see that the shape was not running to something, but rather running from a much smaller shape. A hypothetical male observer might have stuck around long enough to try to see the pursuing figure before retreating. Anyone from outside of Lawndale would have described the pursuing figure as a teenage girl wearing a stylized Chinese-style dress far too skimpy and short to be decent. Anyone from Lawndale would have called the pursuing girl a magical girl.
  

"Yes, I'm Dictator-for-Life Daria. May I help you?"

If you are a Virgo, that is too bad, but this is the Virgo time of year so we may as well say something about it. I would have mentioned it sooner, but, you know, whatever. Our thanks to Mrs. Johanssen for her modeling help. The only Daria-related thing I could find for today was that some girls punched each other in a fanfic on this day years ago, so we'll just move along. However, a very interesting fanfic idea popped up during my research.

Today is the 42nd anniversary of the creation of the Principality of Sealand, a micronation off the coast of England. Micronations are just what they sound like, little bitty self-proclaimed countries that no one pays any attention to except the people living there, and websites devoted to them on the Internet.

How could a Daria character set up a micronation his her or his own? Why would someone do a thing like that? Where would such a place be? What kind of stupid laws would they pass? Could this lead to a guest spot on Sick, Sad World? Food for fanfic here.

What fanfiction is coming through the rest of the year? Check it out on PPMB and add your own.

CROSSOVER SHIPPING: When a Daria character and one from another fandom must absolutely, positively hang out overnight, what pair would you pick? Join in the discussion! Be inspired! Write a crossover fanfic! Match Jane Lane with the Creature from the Black Lagoon!

FF.net

• D Is for Daria, by Fringeperson (COMPLETE!): "It's about that guy who was hanging around.” “You are referring to the jerk-wad who calls himself Tom Sloane?” “Right. Why didn't you go out with him?” “Apart from the fact that he's Jane's ex-boyfriend, I don't like the guy and I'm dating Trent." “But Trent isn't here to know." [Finished at 10 parts!]
  
• Pigskin Caduceus, by HolyGrail2007 (Parts 7 and 8): “So, Joey, tell us.” Jamie was eager to speak once we were in the car and away from the prying ears of other people. “Tell you what?” Joey asked. “You know, dude. Tell us about Ruby. Go all the way?”

PPMB

• John Lane 42: Legally Halloween, by Richard Lobinske (Part 3): His hair also dyed blond, Tom got out of his car and said to Quinn while watching the others, "I'm still trying to figure out how you talked me into dressing up as Spike." She said, "I told you, silly, that going as Angel would be too predictable."
• Regifted, by Ajar (Part 15): “Hey, Mack. Why so down?” “Jodie betrayed me.” “What?” “You heard me, Jodie betrayed me.”

Chocolate Lovers, Start Your Engines!

Yes, today is a big day in Chocolate History, as we are reminded by Mrs. Johanssen (this is the correct spelling of her name, by the way). Today is the 195th anniversary of the birth of Henri Nestlé, one of the co-inventors of milk chocolate and the first head of the company that makes so much chocolate. You know what to do to celebrate: eat 195 chocolate anythings. Get going.

Once you are done with that, it is also National S'mores Day. Celebration is mandatory. Do it to it.

Daria-ish stuff to come, eventually.

PPMB

• Iron Chef: Daria Is Raven's Apprentice, by Project Pegasus (COMPLETE!): "President Obama would administer a much more humane program designed to cater to the needs of the elderly. He would build specially designed senior facilities, and when those facilities lure the unwary seniors into its clutches, he would launch them all into the sun."
  
• Unnamed story, by Pinkminx (Part 1): A restart of an earlier story, from July 1st.
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: School of Rock), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): Daria bought a cheap electric guitar from a pawn shop and Jane brought a dulcimer. Trent had shown Daria how to play three chords and Jane provided the noise. The proof of Daria's dedication was that all of her fingertips were wrapped with band-aids.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: School of Rock), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Arigh. I da thinyu na tha muccab't rck'n'r, so'm 'ere t'telyebotit. I'ain'ese. Looketmi. Thizizwha y'get frmth ronrol lifstil. Ronrol kingrebya, taikyabyththroat, taikyabyth'art. 'S'imporennd. 'tisbluudielife 'tsef."
• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Have: Hump Day), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): Scene: A wasteland in the middle of an unnamed city, In the background are abandoned skyscrapers and piles of compressed trash that dwarf the skyscrapers. In the immediate foreground, a hovering green and black egg-shaped robot and a more primitive looking robot, looking like a rusted cube with treads, look at each other in a manner that denotes curiosity....

Guest stars (dim stars, at that)

The "lost" flipbook called "Guestward Ho!" turns out to have had characters that we pretty much all know about. (The flipbook went on this page in the MTV site.) However, it is helpful to note the CORRECT spelling of some minor characters' names (Alison with one L, Luhrman with one N, etc.). This page was also archived on April 28, 2001. (Italics mine.) Note that "balloonist" is misspelled. (I discovered a number of misspellings on the old websites, but too late to do anything about it now.)

1. ARNO THE BALLONIST—He is not a hoppy thing! He is not Swedish! He is not Norwegian! He's from Denmark and don't you forget it! Oh, yeah, he's the balloonist in "Of Human Bonding."
2. BRAD AND BRETT—These carriers of the dreaded Ruttheimer gene (they're Upchuck's cousins) make a valiant attempt to pick up Daria and Jane in the bleachers of the "Daria Dance Party." Thank the dating gods the girls found out in time.
3. JORDANA—In "The Daria Hunter," this deluded dame runs a tourist trap and is obsessed with the Great White Shark. Are her amazing adventures a Great White Lie?
4. LUHRMAN—This deadpan dreamboat was Daria's date for her cousin Erin's wedding. Did she miss the boat? Was Luhrman really the perfect man for her? We say "no" and forever hold our peace.
5. DAVID SORENSON—In Is It Fall Yet? Quinn whiles away her afternoons live with her tutor, David Sorenson. So how appropriate that TRL-meister Carson Daly provided his voice.
6. AXL—He's the tattoo parlor proprietor whose two-for-one special prompted Daria to violate her navel in "Pierce Me." Well, maybe Trent's eyes had something to do with it. Additional trivia: He charged eleven bucks.
7. TRICIA AND TAD GUPTY—Daria de-programs these well-behaved tykes in "Pinch Sitter." They're based on real kids writer Anne D. Bernstein used to baby-sit for. The only snack food in the house was unsalted sunflower seeds.
8. BING AND THE SPATULA MAN—Dan Vebber created these radio mock jocks for "Jake of Hearts." He says they're based on Buck and O'Connor, who had a morning show on Z-95, a rock station in Milwaukee, in the early 1980s.
9. THE CHEESE LADY—In "Mart of Darkness," this poor soul has to defend her calcium-rich wares from the likes of both Mr. DeMartino and Mrs. Johanssen. A sharpened toothpick proved useless.
10. ALISON—She was Jane's bisexual art colony pal in Is It Fall Yet? Jane was struck dumb, Allison struck out, and singer Bif Naked struck a chord when she provided the sultry voice.
11. BROOKE—She almost made it into the Fashion Club in "Too Cute" after having fat sucked out of her butt and injected into her lips. But then there was that unfortunate nasal relapse.
12. GENERAL BUCK CONROY—He was the ultra-mercenary big mouth who marched into "This Year's Model." Still not half as scary as Romanica.
13. VAL—The hip magazine editor from "The Lost Girls" doesn't look a day over how old she was 10 years ago. Reminiscent of a real-life editor who named a magazine and a talk show after herself. (But her name has four letters, so it's so totally not her!)
14. DANIEL DOTSON—While looking over his lines as the opportunistic artist in "Is It Fall Yet?," Foo Fighters' David Grohl exclaimed, "God, I'm such a sleaze!" We think he was talking about the character.
15. MINSTREL JOCK—Sure, he only has one line in "Fair Enough," but he's a minstrel jock! What more could you ask for?
16. DOCTOR SHAR—The surgically enhanced plastic surgeon from "Too Cute." Gee, it's hard to depict cosmetic surgery in a cartoon character. That must be why Courtney Love hasn't guested on "Cat Dog."
17. LINK—The disgruntled camper from Is It Fall Yet? Oh, grow up, you're on TV."

You can make up your own controversies about these guys. Interesting where Tad and Tricia came from, though. I used to listen to Z-95 when I lived in Milwaukee some years ago. Huh.

Meet Mrs. Johanssen (Part 4: The Bare Facts)

Using Mrs. Johanssen in fanfic is difficult and requires a lot of thought. You don’t have very many hooks on which to hang a story involving her, even a weird one. Food is her driving quirk, so much so that in “Café Disaffecto” Jane Lane tells Ms. Li that Mrs. Johanssen has no family because she ate them. I do recall a fanfic in which she turned out to be an alien who ate everyone who came to her door, which was entertaining but pretty much took care of all further stories in that vein.

Aside from food and chocolate, there’s the issue of who and where Mr. Johanssen is, which I believe was the hook used by Thea Zara and Deref in their All My Children series. Does she have children or grandchildren who might be familiar to us? Her medical problems with diabetes and so forth might come into play if she is hospitalized and a student volunteers (for a school project) to visit her and keep her company. She collects snow domes, perhaps something can be done with that. Why doesn’t she remember Daria, Jane, Quinn, or any other girls who come by her house? What does she keep in the basement? What might turn up in her psychiatric sessions with Dr. Millepieds at Quiet Ivy? Speaking of which, she must be well off to be able to afford to seek therapy there. Might she get into another duel of wits and physical might with Mr. DeMartino over something other than food?

Mrs. Johanssen has potential for fanfic, but one has to really work to build the framework on which the tale will hang. Otherwise, she will merely pass in and out of stories in search of chocolate and snow domes, accomplishing little else. So it goes. Ted is next.

Meet Mrs. Johanssen (Part 3)

Let's talk medicine.

Mrs. Johanssen has a short monologue on the MTV Daria website in which her condition is spelled out, so there is no mistake that she claims to have hypoglycemia. "So let's get started before my blood sugar drops to dangerous levels," she says, by way of introducing the webpages that follow, then adds, "Where are those damn diabetic macaroons?"

Which brings us to a little problem.

Diabetes is a condition in which a person has too much glucose (sugar) in the bloodstream because the body is not producing the hormone known as insulin, which converts sugars and other substances into energy. (This information comes from the American Diabetes Association website.) In other words, a diabetic Mrs. Johanssen should have too much sugar in her bloodstream. The most common form of adult diabetes is Type 2, commonly seen in overweight persons who do little exercise and eat too much sugary food. A general overview of that illness can be gained at this link.

An excess of glucose in the bloodstream is called hyperglycemia (that word links to the ADA webpage explaining the condition). That's hyper-glycemia, the prefix hyper- meaning too much. Note that one consequence of hyperglycemia is ketoacidosis, a symptom of which is shortness of breath. Ketoacidosis is dangerous in the extreme; a person's life is at risk when this develops. Did Daria and Jane miss something when Mrs. Johanssen fainted on them?

However, Mrs. Johanssen repeatedly claims she has hypo-glycemia, which means too little sugar is in her bloodstream. How is this possible? Is she mistaken, is she lying, did the script writers get it all wrong, or what?

Maybe she's right. There is actually a situation in which a person can have Type 2 diabetes but still have hypoglycemia, and that is as a result of taking insulin injections to combat the diabetes. If Mrs. Johanssen is giving herself insulin shots, but her insulin level is sometimes too high, then too much of the bloodstream's glucose is metabolized for energy. This condition is not uncommon, as revealed on this webpage from the National Diabetes Information Clearinghouse. Examine the list of symptoms of hypoglycemia: hunger, shakiness, perspiration, dizziness, possible loss of consciousness. See also this webpage from the Hypoglycemia Support Foundation, about changes in personality (outbursts of temper, mood swings, etc.). That's Mrs. Johanssen, isn't it?

If Mrs. Johanssen is giving herself too much insulin, she could be hypoglycemic. She might be doing this by accident, misreading the instructions, or she might be doing it on purpose because she fears the effects of diabetes or wants to eat more sweets, or the doctor might have prescribed too high a dosage. Since she is aware of the condition, however, it is far more likely that her body is creating a little insulin on its own but unreliably, so her insulin levels fluctuate even with a steady dosage of the same. Remember what she said in "Cafe Disaffecto" about chocolate: "Doctor says I'm not supposed to have too much of it, but he wouldn't mind if it's for a good cause." The second part of that statement is in doubt, but the first part might be true. Eating small amounts of sweets can cure hypoglycemia in the short run. Mrs. Johanssen's problem is that her resistance to sweets and fatty foods is very low, and her blood-sugar issues are screwing with her personality and impulse control. She can't easily stop.

It all makes sense. Daria and Jane did exactly the right thing in not selling Mrs. Johanssen all 24 bars of chocolate, though she could have had one and not been in any serious trouble. If she had eaten too much chocolate, she would have overcome her medication and possibly gone into diabetic shock, or else given herself even more insulin and gone into hypoglycemic shock. She's toast either way.

If anyone knows enough to correct my medical stuff here, feel free to do in the Comments. One last note on Mrs. Johanssen, then on to someone else. UU wants to hear about Ted, so we'll do him after Mrs. J.

Meet Mrs. Johanssen (Part 2)

Mumu-clad Mrs. Johanssen first appears in “Café Disaffecto,” when Daria and Jane arrive at her house selling chocolate bars. (Her house and property, by the way, are quite nice looking.) In obvious distress, she comes to the door wheezing, gasping, and sweating, short of breath and about to faint. She claims to have hypoglycemia and be under a doctor’s orders to avoid chocolate, but she is less interested in her health than in getting all of the chocolate that the girls are selling. When frustrated she begins to shout and swear in anger, but Daria and Jane leave and she does not go after them. (You can barely see Daria and Jane standing at her front door in the second picture above. Click on it to enlarge it.)

Mrs. Johanssen reappears at the flea market in “That Was Then, This Is Dumb,” asking Daria and Jane if they are selling snow domes. She doesn’t appear to recognize them from earlier and leaves in disgust when Daria begins a spiel about aliens from space. In “The Old and the Beautiful” the Fashion Club arrive at her home asking for clothing donations, but the Clubbers leave as soon as they catch sight of her, not wishing to have any of her castoffs. “Mart of Darkness” is much the same as above, as Mrs. Johanssen gets into a fight with Mr. DeMartino at a PayDay warehouse store (think Sam’s Club or Costco) over a “Cheez Log.” She also asks for help from Daria and Jane (once again not recognizing them) in reaching chocolate on a high shelf, saying she had a seizure some time ago. The seizure might have been the fainting spell she had in “Café Disaffecto” or something more serious.

It is in “Psycho Therapy” that we learn a little bit about why she is the way she is, when she is in therapy with Dr. Jean-Michel Millepieds and says, “Maybe I do use food for comfort, but at least a chocolate bar never told me I was an accident.” Ouch. Interestingly, Mrs. Johanssen does not seem to recognize Quinn, though Quinn came to her door, too.

One wonders again why Mrs. Johanssen proved to be so popular that four different writers used her in various episodes (Glenn Eichler, Anne D. Bernstein, Neena Berber, and Rachelle Romberg—twice). Whatever works, I guess. More on this character later.

Meet Mrs. Johanssen (Part 1)

Mrs. Johanssen is a minor background character who shows up more often than one would expect—in five episodes, to be precise (“Café Disaffecto,” “That Was Then, This Is Dumb,” “The Old and the Beautiful,” “Psycho Therapy,” and “Mart of Darkness”). She even has lines to say each time she shows up, putting her on the same show-time level as Andrea. Why she appears so often is unknown, as her character is not on the surface an appealing one. Aside from having a short temper, she is grossly overweight with consequent medical problems, and has bad impulse control when she is confronted with food, particularly fattening food and chocolate. This problem is treated as a running joke in the TV series, though her condition is often implied to be life-threatening.

The spelling of Johanssen here is taken from a webpage on MTV’s Daria website where she has a brief monologue. Two variations on this spelling are also carelessly given at that site with three of the illustrations in the site’s alter-ego flipbook (Johannsen and Johansen). Fanfics and Daria fandom websites spell her name in a variety of other ways. It is rather annoying for a former editor to read.

One of the alter egos on the MTV site shows Mrs. Johanssen wearing a toga on which the astrological symbol for Virgo appears, part of an incomplete series of zodiac-related background characters. This might imply that she is a virgin (because of her weight problem?), but the “Mrs.” indicates she is or was once married. For the heck of it, I assume she was born under the sign of Virgo, between the end of August and the end of September. One makes do with what one has.

More on Mrs. Johanssen later. She certainly gets dumped on a lot, both officially and otherwise, because of her weight.