Guess What I Just Got in the Mail?

You know, it isn't very often that you get to lay eyes on new Daria art that also happens to be official. Thanks to awesome fan Medea42, who deserves your praise and adulation, I now have a copy of Daria's Sick, Sad Life Planner. And it has a lot of art that probably 99% of all Daria fans haven't seen, even though the CD-Rom was released in 1999.

This blog, which dove into the Internet Archives to bring you lost art and screenshots from as far back as the dawn of Daria, which explored Daria's one instance of actual murderous intent, which revealed the truth behind Amy Barksdale's boob-reduction job, which proved to the world that "I Loathe a Parade" contained subliminal images of penguin snuff porn, will now part the curtains of time once again and bring you (over the next few days or weeks) images of Daria art that may as well be brand new.

Hope you enjoy it.

Happy Birthday, Library of Congress

Two hundred eight years ago today, the Library of Congress was established by President Adams. The original library was destroyed during the War of 1812, but it was restored when President Jefferson sold his enormous personal library to the government as a replacement. This is probably where Amy Barksdale does her research for the CIA, though she would have better spent her time researching the drawbacks of boob reduction. Too late now.

Today is also supposed to be the 3,193rd anniversary of the day the Trojan horse entered Troy (heh heh heh I said entered heh heh heh), and it is also Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, which I am sure Daria and Quinn worked very hard every year to avoid unless the alternative (school) was too dreadful. Did any of the students in Daria want to be with their parents at work? Well, Kevin, maybe. ("I'll be out back practicing football throws!")

Actually, a fanfic about Helen and Jake taking the girls (one each) to their jobs for a day would be pretty damn funny. Anyone want to try this?

Full Frontal Amy, One More Time

Kara Wild suggests that Amy's face looks different from the front in the last season, so we'll take a look. From left to right, we have "I Don't," "Through a Lens Darkly," and "Aunt Nauseam."

And, son of a gun, she does look different in AN. She had a round face before in the earlier two episodes, almost circular in shape, but in season five her face is very oval and thinner horizontally. There is another frontal pic of her face from AN in an earlier message here which confirms the change.

This, my friends, looks like conclusive proof that Amy Barksdale lost a lot of weight between season three and season five, which is probably also why her boobs look smaller and her butt isn't nearly so big. Baggy sweaters can't hide everything. Crash diet or anorexia? Your call.

Amy Barksdale's Boob Job: A Global Perspective

Since the electrifying discovery announced in my last post, I have spent hundreds of hours in close examination of the affected area, looking for clues that might shed light on what happened, when it happened, how it happened, and why. That's the true nature of journalistic inquiry: keep your eyes on the prize.

At left are some of the results of my investigation. (Click on the picture to see a larger version.) We see four photographs of Amy Barksdale at home, wearing a tight, revealing camel-colored blouse that delicately accents the magnificent gifts that generous Mother Nature conferred upon her. As the less sophisticated elements among us would say, she is stacked. This is in the third-season episode, "Stacked Like Me." No, wait, I meant "Through a Lens Darkly." Sorry.

But woe! In the final image from "Aunt Nauseam," we see a different Amy, an Amy whose purse strap doesn't bow out from her chest to get around nature's generous obstructions, an Amy whose sweater lines go straight down. Ye gods, what has happened?

I hasten to point out that there was no urgent medical reason for the breast unenlargement, because if there had been then there would have been a Very Special Episode of Daria about it, and since there wasn't it didn't happen, so there. We must look to non-medical causes, like that rat bastard Joel. I bet it was his idea.

I am overcome and can write no more about this. It is too much to bear. You may talk amongst yourselves until we continue with a new topic, after my recovery.

The Great Amy Barksdale Mystery, Exhibits A & B

Those who know me best know I am a sober, thoughtful man, not prone to wild fancies nor paranoid delusions nor rash judgments. They know my word can be trusted. And so if I said to you, Daria fans, that I have discovered a shocking mystery that defies rational explanation, a mystery that quakes the very foundations of logic and reality, then you would know that I had found a mystery indeed.

Alas, as it happens, I have discovered such a staggering anomaly in the otherwise well-structured Dariaverse that for a time I was afraid to reveal this nightmare, for fear of the effects this discovery might have upon the delicate minds of impressionable citizens such as yourself. But I can hold back no longer; the truth must come out.

Yes, my friends, I have incontrovertible evidence, which I present to you now, that Amy Barksdale got a boob reduction.

Cast your gaze upon the first set of two photographs above, which come from "Through a Lens Darkly" and show a rather curvy, well-endowed Amy. (Click on the image to enlarge it.) Next, examine the series of three images immediately following that one, from "Aunt Nauseam," and... well, the proof should be as clear as Dr. Shar's implants. Something is missing. A lot of something is missing. What the heck happened here? Where'd they go? What did Amy do with them? What was she thinking? Were they getting in the way, or what?

Tonight we shall ponder this enigma in our beds and ask ourselves: why? Whose idea was that? Did they think that we wouldn't notice? We deserve answers, and we deserve them now. Thank you for listening, and I'm glad I could bring this to your attention.