Saturday, December 22, 2007

Amy Barksdale's Boob Job: A Global Perspective

Since the electrifying discovery announced in my last post, I have spent hundreds of hours in close examination of the affected area, looking for clues that might shed light on what happened, when it happened, how it happened, and why. That's the true nature of journalistic inquiry: keep your eyes on the prize.

At left are some of the results of my investigation. (Click on the picture to see a larger version.) We see four photographs of Amy Barksdale at home, wearing a tight, revealing camel-colored blouse that delicately accents the magnificent gifts that generous Mother Nature conferred upon her. As the less sophisticated elements among us would say, she is stacked. This is in the third-season episode, "Stacked Like Me." No, wait, I meant "Through a Lens Darkly." Sorry.

But woe! In the final image from "Aunt Nauseam," we see a different Amy, an Amy whose purse strap doesn't bow out from her chest to get around nature's generous obstructions, an Amy whose sweater lines go straight down. Ye gods, what has happened?

I hasten to point out that there was no urgent medical reason for the breast unenlargement, because if there had been then there would have been a Very Special Episode of Daria about it, and since there wasn't it didn't happen, so there. We must look to non-medical causes, like that rat bastard Joel. I bet it was his idea.

I am overcome and can write no more about this. It is too much to bear. You may talk amongst yourselves until we continue with a new topic, after my recovery.

8 comments:

Lorenzo Sauchelli said...

Maybe in "Through a Lens Darkly." she was pregnant?

Anonymous said...

Apropos of nothing, here is a picture of a Stacyesque girl having a tug-of-war with a puppy.

http://tinyurl.com/26bbeh

Scissors MacGillicutty said...

I'm going with the weight-gain/loss theory. Notice the difference in the outline of her face and hips in the two shows.

Wild Blogger said...

Mysterious pregnancy in the earlier seasons would be a hilarious explanation, IMO. One episode of Season Five, little Baby Barksdale would appear, and Daria and Co. would act as if they've always known BB existed, even if the audience didn't.

I sort of hoped Amy would make a cameo appearance in IICY? and we'd learn she was 8.5 months pregnant.

Anonymous said...

I still say it's just the tightness of the torso garment creating a visual illusion.

cyde said...

Two words. Two disastrous words. Cosmetic surgery. It explains everything and is just the kind of thing which, if Daria found out, would throw her entire world into a tailspin! Do I hear angst? Do I hear angst?

The Angst Guy said...

Excerpt from Through a Bra Darkly:

Amy (on phone): What can I do for you?

Daria (on phone): Um, I wanted to ask your advice about something. I'm thinking about getting a boob job.

Amy: Uh-huh, sounds good.

Daria: It does?

Amy: Why not?

Daria: Well, isn't it kind of... vain?

Amy: Do you have mirrors in your house, Daria?

Daria: Yeah.

Amy: Do you look in them before you go out?

Daria: Yeah.

Amy: Well, then, you're already going to hell, so you might as well get the boobs and get on the good side of all the devils you're going to meet. That, and you'll float better.

Natalie said...

Surgery! Surgery!...What else could it be? *shrug* :P