I Know Where Sandi Would Like to Shove Those Ear Muffs

Quinn's modeling her pink ostrich feather ear muffs in honor of Ear Muffs Day, and who cares that her obsessive accessorizing has doomed her classmates to starvation? When you look this good, certain death is just a minor detail.

Also on this day in 1781, the planet Uranus was discovered. I'm sure the astronomers who named it would be proud to know just how much laughter they were able to provide future generations, particularly Beavis and Butt-Head.

Fanfic Update!

• The Choice, by elainefr (part 1): "Daria looked into the room where Trent and Tom both were. Look at them, they're both so......tempting. It's not fair, why should I have to choose?"


• Cops And Robbers And Magic, by psychotol (part 12): "The mercs woke up when they felt a warm fluid splashing on their face. They recoiled in disgust when they caught the smell of the fluid and woke up to see Carrie minus her trousers and panties still urinating on them."


• For the Tom fansSort of, by elainefr (COMPLETE!): "The couple kissed softly at first. Of course the more that they did this, the more that it led to……hands finding places that caused the early sounds signaling their awakening of arousal."


• From Both Sides, by mailorderannie (part 5): "Daria sat, bemused, for a few moments. 'Well, I won't have to worry about pizza money for a while.' Her trademark smirk was in evidence."


• Second Chances, by Lady Evil (part 3): "It had only been a 24 hour bug and Jane was eager to get back to the easel. She found herself painting images of the fever dream she had at Jesse's house. No way could she publicly display this painting without paying the Disney Corporation through the nose for using their characters."


• Ted Takes a Holiday (The Ted Zone), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "Oof! Watch where you're going, would you?" An angry voice with an Irish accent made Ted stop walking and look around, but soon saw that he wasn't the one being yelled at. A small man in green clothes was crawling out of a dumpster behind the Good Time Chinese Restaurant, followed closely by a large man in a diaper."

Heh, I said "Ur."

Rejoice, astronomy fans (and lovers of off-color puns)! Today is the anniversary of the discovery of Uranus in 1781. Daria and Jane--er, I mean, the alien love goddesses--may come from that planet, but I'm sure they'd never admit it.

Fanfic Update!

• ARC Ch.6 Drowned in a Cappuccino, by ST91 (part 1): "'So Charlie tell me a thing,' said Jane to Charles when there were alone together. 'What?' 'When are you going to ask Daria out?'"


• Daria and Co. (Are Forced To) Read 'My Immortal' (Iron Chef; You're Standing on My Immortal), by Shiva (part 6): "Stacy sat down in front of the computer screen and took a single look. 'Ewww.' she moaned, 'Even looking at it makes me feel all ucky!' 'We all went through it Stacy,' Quinn informed her with an ugly glare at Sandi, 'Just start so you can get it over with.' Stacy nodded and began to read."


• Emo Tom is Emo (Scenes No Daria Fanfic should have: Delightful and Naughty), by Shiva (part 3): "The two teenagers in black clothing and white makeup sitting down at one of the reserved tables at the Winged Tree Country Club stuck out like Scientologists at a Reasonable Religions Convention."


• Esteem Thunder (Scenes that should be: Polite Requests), by 45Ranger (COMPLETE!): "Daria looked at what she had written, frowned, and started muttering to herself. 'Ugh, what the hell am I doing trying to blend Melody's world into real life?' She muttered, scratching out everything she'd just written."


• Everything Wrong With Daria in Less Than Three Minutes. Spoilers. Duh (Scenes No Daria Fanfic should have: Delightful and Naughty), by PrecambrianStudios (COMPLETE!): "Beavis and Butthead are not even in this show. DING!"


• The Great Genderswap of Lawndale!, by Shiva (part 2): "He turned off the water and stepped out and grabbed a towel, first wiping off the steamed up bathroom mirror first caught his reflection. Then found himself unable to look away."


• IFeelLikeI'mOnanAcidTripandINeverEvenUsedtheStuffIThink, by Brain Camper (part 3): "den darea-lover cum in and she sed uuuh cna i join u"


• Love is Strange, by Shiva (part 1): "'Daria, I'm home,' her husband yelled out unnecessarily as his footfalls sounded from the nearby entrance to their apartment. 'I'm in the kitchen.' Daria yelled back and was still grinning by the time he entered the room, slipping out of his East Boston High hoodie and hanging it on his usual chair."


• Meeting the Three Younger Griffins (Scenes that should be: Polite Requests), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Jane decided that things couldn't get much worse, after all having been drafted into Ms. Li's 'Peer-to-Peer' tutoring then assigned to help Sandi Griffin with her art project was about as bad as it could get."


• One (More) Little Thing, by peetz5050 (part 25): "Amy cleared her throat and repeated in a clear voice 'What about Daria? She didn't die.' 'I KNOW THAT! DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT!' 'Please Helen... I think maybe... in some part of your mind... I honestly think you don't. She isn't dead.' 'I KNOW!' 'Are you sure?' Evelyn asked gently."


• Selfish and Selfless (IC: Criminals of Lawndale), by baelparagon (COMPLETE!): "I remembered when I was a child I asked her mother what love at first sight meant. My mother responded that love at first sight was something that happened very rarely, but when it did it was very special."


• The Summer Back, by Shiva (part 4): "It was twelve noon, and Daria found herself awake and fully dressed instead of sleeping in like she had been dreaming about since the last month of first term. She was sitting on her bed with the newspaper spread out in front of her, rifling through the Help Wanted section, hoping to find something semi-tolerable."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic should have: Delightful and Naughty), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'"Criminals are a supersticious and cowardly lot!' said Tom, deep in thought. 'So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts! I must be a creature of the night, a-- a--"


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic should have: Delightful and Naughty), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "Quinn opened the door as slowly and quietly as she could, well aware that she was coming home hours past curfew."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic should have: Delightful and Naughty), by RX-87 (COMPLETE!): "'Mom, Dad...' said a curvacious, twenty-something Mafalda, back in America after a stint with the JET teaching program."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fanfic should have: Delightful and Naughty), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Daria made sure that the door to her room was firmly locked and the window shades firmly shut, the lights came off and only then did she feel safe enough to turn on her laptop and brought up Twitter."

The Final Frontier! Sort of.

Many years ago on this date, Uranus was discovered. (Huh huh huh huh huh huh...) And Pluto's discovery was announced this day too, though much later. Beavis and Butt-head have a Very Special Educational Episode related to the above. Enjoy.

Over 150,000 hits on this site! Yay!

FF.net

• NEW! Alison vs Mr T, by Smileyfax (COMPLETE!): Mr. T poked around inside the robo-remains of the robo-Jane robot. Inside, he found a robo-note written on robo-paper. "Mr. T!" the note read. "I have kidnapped Jane, and spirited her away to my fortress of evil and seduction! I intend to seduce Jane to the ways of evil... and sexiness! We will have sexy, evil times, mark my words!" "Does her boldness know no ends?" Daria questioned aloud. (Daria/The A Team) [Smileyfax is BACK!!!]
  
• NEW! Freaks of Lawndale, by Skraeling (COMPLETE!): Scarlet stood by the front of her new school, too nervous to walk closer, ignored by the students already there, and by those arriving. In front of her a sign proclaimed Lawndale High School and an American flag fluttered slowly in the wind. Clutching the silver ankh around her neck, she stepped closer....
• [Other stories that were published elsewhere have FF.net links placed with their mention here.]
  

PPMB

• Dark Date, by Ajar (COMPLETE!): "Tonight, on Dark Date, a Home-Ec teacher from Lawndale, Maryland meets an entrepreneur from Santa Clara, California, and when the lights come on, there's a revelation you have to see to believe. Coming right up, on Dark Date."
• End over End, by Shull Bitter (continued): "Is this the part where the ax murderer gets us?" Daria finally asked. "Nah, this road is so dead that he's probably still sleeping," Jane said.
• Finn Morgendorffer 36: Brain of the Family, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): Once Daria got started, she realized now how much she could understand O’Neill’s frustrated sobs. Most of these tests were pathetic. She asked them the easiest question she could think of, in a play that was not very complicated, and they couldn’t answer it. No one tried to think for themselves on what the play was about. It wasn’t until she reached the essay written by Jeffy Mercer that she thought there was some light in the darkness. He had the overarching belief that Romeo and Mercutio were lovers. And he even cited a few of the lines in the play to back it up.
• Finn Morgendorffer 37: Mature Relationships, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): Stacy or Jane? [NEW! Part 2 is here: "Eeew, Daria’s pregnant, isn’t she?”]
  
• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 15): "You ass!" She practically shouted it. "What the hell?" Tom asked. "Now what are you pissed off about?" "I let you dance with Daria but I didn't think you were going to slow dance. Now the girl's infatuated with you. And just after you applied your inexplicable charm, she notices you chatting up some greasy band groupie." "Excuse me, but that 'groupie' is the sister of the lead singer." [Uh-oh!] [See the story in Sweet Valley High format, too!]
• NEW! High Stakes, by Project Pegasus (COMPLETE!): "To this Godly community I say, I have seen too many frightful proofs in court — the Devil is alive in Salem, and we dare not quail to follow wherever the accusing finger points!" "Poopy."
  
• Invader Dar, by Wraith (Part 1): "Galactic conquest is near! Galactic conquest is near!" Dar sighed and looked up from her hand-held view-screen. The robot sign on the building had been going on for quite some time and the repetition was getting on her nerves. She still wasn't quite sure why she had even received an invitation to the Great Assigning. Or why she actually showed up. There was probably a mistake somewhere, but the invitation had come from the Almighty Tallest, or at least their robo-secretary. (Daria/Invader Zim)
• NEW! Jacob Morgendorffer, Esq., by CAP (Part 5): “Rafe thought that we might want to give the Army JAG corps a look,” Jake said. “JAG,” Helen disdainfully exclaimed. “Are you kidding me?” (FF.net)
  
• John Lane 45: Haunted by the Past, by RLobinske (Part 1): "Don't insult canines by comparing them to that movie." "Okay, what can I insult?" "Slugs. But only the real ugly ones." "There are fashionable slugs?"
• Pluck'd a White Rose, by Dennis (COMPLETE!): Just sixteen, with dark auburn hair uncharacteristic in her family of redheads, Daria Anne had been a pawn in the Wars of the Roses all her life, a fact of which she had been acutely aware since long before her tenth birthday. She was just 5 when King Edward had taken the throne from Mad King Henry with her father's help. She spent the early days of the new King's reign at Middleham Castle, the only happy days of her life. Her mother, Helen Anne, had made much of her, though more of her sister, and the Queen Mother Cecily, had been a frequent guest bidding the girls to be her friend and call her Kay. She'd even had a playmate in Kay's youngest son, Tom. Tom was actually the Prince Richard Plantagenet, but as the third son and undersized at that, he'd insisted she treat him as just another child, and call him by his second name.
• NEW! Shining Star: Temporal Conundrum, by RLobinske (Part 1): "So, Gerald, what brings you here?" "We found a problem on Earth D-793." "I'm not familiar with that one," Richard said, going over to his computer and typing in the designation. On a display of a bundle of green threads, one was separated and labeled. A brief synopsis appeared to one side, which he read. "Hmm, most significant event was van Maanen's star going supernova in the year 1,000 CE. Everything looks in order. What's the problem?" (SHINING STAR shared Dariaverse)
  
• Two Halves 6: Role Models, by Dark Kuno (Part 1): "Hey I thought... oof... big brothers were... ack... supposed to protect... their sweet... ugh... innocent... oof... little sisters," said Daria, interrupted by pillows to the face. "That might be true," stated Alex as he halted his attack and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "But since I don't have a sister like that..."
• NEW! Zero G, by SigDiff (Part 3): “Anyone want to help me to a wall or something?” Mike asked as he floated almost dead center in the room, out of reach of any hand holds. “Apparently I have the highest coefficient of restitution of anyone on this flight.”
  

Whoops!

Today is an extra-special day in the field of nuclear boo-boos. Just 49 years ago, that wacky US Air Force went and bombed North Carolina by mistake with two hydrogen bombs, most of the pieces of which the Air Force later found. (The bombs, not North Carolina, of which there would have been no pieces left had the bombs gone off.) Ha, ha! I love those guys!

And then, 32 years ago, those wild and crazy Russians bombed Canada with a radioactive satellite. Is this a great planet or what? I'm tellin' ya! Just image how life could have been different for Daria and Quinn with such hijinks. It brings tears of joy to my eyes. If only....

On the serious side of the news, today is National Peanut Butter Day, and I expect everyone to show some consideration and respect that. After all, peanut butter played an important role in at least three Daria episodes: "Road Worrier," "It Happened One Nut," and "One J at a Time." Consider this: Jake would never have conquered the Squirrel Menace without it!

Also, this is the anniversary of a special space-related event (without nukes, alas) detailed in this column last year with the help of Beavis and Butt-head.

Quiverwing has improved her Mr. and Mrs. Sloane portrait, and it is teh awesome.

NEW! "Carrie-97" (or, "Daria's Bad Hair Day") by Pinhead. Perfect crossover.

BRAKING GNUZ!

• Richard Lobinske has started the official 2010 Daria FanArt Listing! Hooray!
• This blog has 22 followers! Yay! And we've gone over 1,500 posts! Whee!!!
  

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• Apocalyptic Daria: Scarlett's Tale, by Doggieboy (preview): "You'll have to loosen your pants, and be prepared to have the probe go inside your clothing." "Why?" Roger asked. "If you are severely contaminated, then it will show up in your perspiration and around your buttocks."
• Finn Morgendorffer 28: About My Mother, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): “I spend all my time trying to please that amp-addicted bipolar slave driver and for what?” Helen moaned. “To get the partnership?” Daria posed innocently.
• NEW! Sisters, by Roentgen (continued): The minute Daria left Mr. DeMartino's class, Stacy was right by Daria's side again. She's like one of these suckerfish. I can't get rid of her. "Hey Daria! How was Mr. DeMartino today?"
• NEW! Tracksuits, by Malakite (continued): "What do you want?" the man demanded with a scowl in a terse and unfriendly voice as he quickly looked Sandi up and down. It took her a second to recover from the shock of being so easily surprised before she replied in a small, almost breathless voice: "Sanctuary."
  
• Trapped, by Jim North (continued): Daria felt a maniac giggle start to rise in her throat. Smashing it down hard, she fought once again for control. Nothing was going to be helped by going to pieces. Shaggy had done enough of that for all of them, Burnout was a role model for inner strength despite her earlier slip, and Jane looked like she would start freaking if Daria freaked.
• NEW! Unnamed story (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Doggieboy (COMPLETE!): Mary Elwood looked at Bruiser as the superhero sat across the table from her, and realized just how...normal their being together felt. He had listened to her story calmly, didn't interrupt her, and asked sensible questions, while avoiding the ones that could be considered salacious.
  

News about Uranus (huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh)

Twenty-three years ago today, Voyager 2 came within 50,680 miles of Uranus.

Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh!

To commemorate this event, Beavis and Butt-head offer a science article at right (from Reading Sucks) all about Uranus—

huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh!

—that has actual science information from Daria herself. Click on the article to read it.

Nothing else happened today.


Uranus. Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh!

Latest non-Butt-head news: Dad Draws Daria Art on Kids' Lunchbags, from Roentgen. Cool! Thanks!

PPMB

• The Fall of the Angst Lords, Part 1: Rebels Without a Clue, by Gouka Ryuu (Part 1): With a mandolin in one hand, he awoke late... I guess that counts as practice, per Trent. A bit of faanfiction (spelling is correct) for all.
  
• Long Trek Home, by Ranger Thorne (continued): Jane and Jennifer had practiced the biofilter regimen several times, but it didn't keep the two from being nervous. "That's one," Jennifer said finally.
• Order and Chaos, by Legendeld (COMPLETE!): Maria looked down at the wooden plate in front of her and tried to keep an open mind. Seconds later she turned to Daria and begged in a desperate voice: “Please tell me this isn’t frog!”
  
• Snuffed Animals, by Disco316 (Part 11): Quinn shuddered. “Eeeeew! Vampirism is so gross! Well, except for that 'Interview with Brad Pitt' movie; he’s good in anything.”
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): "We have many different enemies, Great Lady, so we must make haste. The stars and planets are approaching the required conjunctions, and there are those who would use those alignments for their own purposes."

Beavis and Butt-head take a close look at . . . Uranus

The English astronomer Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus 227 years ago tonight, in a place called Bath. Rather than make crude, childish jokes about this event and insult your intelligence, Beavis and Butt-head (in an essay from Reading Sucks) will do it for me. Just click here. They even mention Daria.





I didn't have anything else to report.





Uranus. Huh huh huh huh, huh huh huh huh . . .