Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Cornholio wants fries with that!"

Twenty years ago today, McDonald's added the Soviet Union to its long list of once-proud nations now enslaved to capitalism and yukky fast food. The first McDonald's was opened in Moscow and was an immediate success. The United States, which long ago fell beneath the breaded heel of that running-dog hegemonic corporate behemoth, could only shake its head and say, "You taste of bun."

And 49 years ago to the day, the first hominid reached outer space: Ham the Chimp, courtesy of NASA and a Mercury-Redstone vehicle. Ham beat every other human into the Great Beyond. After his flight, Ham became a Hollywood screenwriter and eventually came up with the idea for Sick, Sad World. He served as its most gifted program manager. A heavy smoker, Ham died of lung cancer in 1999, allegedly while working on a musical stage adaptation of Robot Monster. He is seen at left.

Three good Iron Chefs showed up. In no particular order, here they are. Read and write!

And now for the fanfics of the last week.

  • All Nighter, by Dark Kuno (COMPLETE!): “Another all-night jam session with the Spiral?” “Not unless there’s something Trent and guys haven’t told me,” stated Jane through a yawn. “No, Trent has apparently got a new girlfriend and she’s very... vocal.” “More info that I needed,” commented Daria with a blush.
  • A Cat by Another Name, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): Jane was not propared to see Tom clenched in a tight liplock with a woman. When the couple broke apart, Jane sighed and said, "I guess you're the lady or the tiger."
  • A Dangerous Liaison, by Ticknart (COMPLETE!): As he walked up the path, light on his feet, Charles remembered the thrill that shot up his spine the moment she pinged his profile. Their compatibility percentage, off the charts. Their desires for the sweet things in life, insatiable. Their passion for each other, unequaled. Together, they were as one.
  • Daria: Hunter 5: Strictly Business, by Jim North (continued): Charles had long been a source of reliable information coupled with discretion. On several occasions his loyalty to Daria and Jane had been tested and come out the other end intact. The women knew, however, that this was only because Charles wanted to get in their pants worse than anything else in the world.
  • Daria Is Raven's Apprentice, by Project Pegasus (continued): "Let’s go before they all start fighting over who gets to lick their own butt clean," said Daria.
  • Do I Have to Paint You a Picture? by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): Kevin slapped a hand to his forehead. "Of course!" he cried. "It's so simple! You stole all of those famous paintings, but you stole them several times each so you could sell more than one!" Gun still pointed at the agents, Defoe frowned at him. "What part of 'counterfeiting' didn't you get?" she asked. (Daria/Get Smart) (
  • The Dream of the White Darkness, by jtranser (continued): "So, this means war, right?" "Yes. And the first rule of war is: know your enemy."
  • Falling into College 72: Valley of Love and Delight, by RLobinske (Part 5): Sitting among the other graduating students as the keynote speaker addressed them, Daria whispered to Karen, "Doesn't that man look like Dick Cheney with a beard?" "You know, I think you're right," Karen whispered back. "What did he just say?" "I think it was, 'One angst to rule them all.'" "What does that mean?" "You've got me. Maybe he's trying to sell Angst Rings or something."
  • Finn Morgendorffer 29: Burn Out, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): “No!” Jane interrupted. “It’s just... well... Tom and I... things are weird. And I’m... I’m kinda wondering if he and Daria... well...” “Daria! With Tom!” Finn started to laugh uncontrollably.
  • EVEN MORE NEWEREST! Finn Morgendorffer 30: Parental Discretion Advised, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): "I mean, seriously, what self-respecting mother wants to wear some ridiculous dress and parade herself like a hunk of meat on a runway.” “Helen? Are you planning on suing them?” (Part 2!)
  • General Semantics, Private Angst, by Gwrtheyrn (continued): My only source so far saying that Jane's mother is the President is Jane herself. Is she a reliable source for this class of information? That story was a perfect explanation for Li's behaviour at the hotel; did that mean that it had to be true? Daria decided that Jane's identity as the President's daughter was a reasonably likely working hypothesis. It had to be something like that, anyway. (Daria/World of Null-A)
  • Jungle Fever, by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): As he drifted towards consciousness, he shifted slightly in his sleep and felt the warm figure curled up beside him. Gradually, he began to recall the previous night.
  • NEW! A Reaper in the Wind, by RLobinske (Parts 6 and 7): "I know we sound crazy," Daria said. "But we're trained field agents and we have experience at this kind of thing. More than anyone else alive." (Daria/NCIS)
  • Regifted 2: I Put Away Joyless Things, by Ajar (Part 3): “So, when a strong acid is dissolved in water,” Ms. Barch lectured. “It kicks its hydrogen atom to the curb and keeps its electron leaving it nothing but a proton, cold and alone, with all of its energy taken from it. Remind you of anything, Mack?”
  • Sisters, by Roentgen (continued): Linda stood up. "Everyone here is to leave the room. Sandi, tomorrow you will be vice-president again and your sister will be president again. I'm going to have words with Daria, private words. You'll see Daria again when I'm done with her."
  • NEW! A Ticket to Ride, by Doggieboy (Parts 1 and 2): Ted Dewitt-Clinton was glad that he had left Lawndale. That scandal had been all anyone wanted to talk about. A local businesswoman had been disgraced after nude photos of her turned up online. (Part 2!)
  • Touching Ground, by Silver (continued): "All right, you lot," Trent began, pacing in front of his crew. "I'm well aware some of you are less than pleased with the way this trip has gone."
  • Tracksuits, by Malakite (continued): "So, you want sanctuary?" Sandi gave a barely perceptible nod as she replied, "What do I have to do?"
  • Trapped, by Jim North (continued): "No no no!" Jane was yelling as she kicked the door. "Exit from the school, not the room!" She covered her face in her hands and screamed for several seconds, then took in a deep breath, put her arms back down by her sides, and spun around. "So," she said calmly, "anyone else have any ideas?"
  • NEW! Uh-Oh, Slash Comes to Town, by Ajar (* COMPLETE! *): “Where are you going where you need this stuff, anyway?" asked Quinn. "You're not wearing this in one of your escapades like yesterday, are you?” “I told you,” Daria said forcefully. “Nothing happened.” “Sure. But I don't want any of my clothes involved in one of your escapades.” (SFMB)
  • NEWEREST!!! Unnamed story (Boob-fight erm...I meant discussion), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): " then Tom said I was just being silly about the whole thing, and that's when I threw him o—hey, are you alright?"
  • Unnamed story (Iron Chef: A Cougar Story), by Vlademir1 (COMPLETE!): Tad Gupty giggled shyly as Mrs. Patterson ran her hand gently through his hair....


Anonymous said...

"I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!"

Love Robot Monster..

Professor said...

I just want to say how much I appreciate you running this blog. I know it must take an incredible amount of time and effort. Thank you. I'm a long time lurker, first time commenter.

Pinhead said...

"Twenty years ago today, McDonald's added the Soviet Union to its long list of once-proud nations now enslaved to capitalism and yukky fast food. The first McDonald's was opened in Moscow and was an immediate success."

My God, crowds of people stood in line in "McDonalds" on Pushkin square at that time! Really we were such idiots?!

The Angst Guy said...

My God, crowds of people stood in line in "McDonalds" on Pushkin square at that time! Really we were such idiots?!

Welcome to the club.