Green-lighting Another Caption Contest!

"My neck modeling career is over!"

It's National Pistachio Day! Crunch some pistachio nuts with your lunch. Buy them by the bunch. Send them to friends far away to munch. Especially send some to Quinn, who is allergic to the dye and will most assuredly appreciate the gesture!

In the meantime, though, pull up a bowl of pistachios and enjoy this fanfic update!

• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (part 3): "Helen walked down the hallway to them. 'I'm sure you couldn't help but hear. I don't think we will be hearing from my family any time soon.' 'So, we're not going to the wedding?' Quinn asked to confirm. 'If Mother had her way right now, we wouldn't be allowed in the same state.'"


• Cafe Digesto (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'Why can't I just sell chocolate door-to-door?' Daria swallowed, to prevent the sudden influx of drool from escaping and making her look like an ass. 'Well, Ms. Morgendorffer, I took the liberty of examining your permanent record, and it seems there was an...incident in your past related to candy fundraising.'"


• Canto Tre, by untra (COMPLETE!): "I had packed only a few things I really cared about. Just some shirts, a pair of jeans, a few dark skirts, boots, socks, a sweater, and an olive green jacket. I brought a few old VHS tapes, a few CDs, and about fifty of my favorite books. I packed a small box of my favorite stationary. I took a few old videogames I no longer played and an old desktop computer. Everything else I threw away."


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "Staci: Was that when she and you were fighting over Aaron Carpenter, former lead singer of the Eromenos Boys? Hilary Dorff: (embarassed) Yes, it was. Staci: Didn't he turn out to be gay or something?"


• Day of the Daria, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'"Could be worse?"' Daria said, turning and pointing the shotgun at a spot where Tom's legs meet his body. 'How could they be worse, Tom?! We're trapped in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and my sister is lost out there somewhere, Not to mention the lack of food and ammo we currently have. How could it be worse?!' Panicking as he realized the safety was off on Daria's shotgun, Tom quickly backpedaled. 'Your right, it can't get much worse than this.'"


• Dreams, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "The Highland Dream and The Greyfield Dream both start the same way. She is sitting in her refrigerator box 'house', reading her favorite book, 'Black Beauty'. She hears her father calling her name."


• The Flab Brat (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "'Look what I made, Kevin!' Quinn called out. Daria and Kevin turned at the same time, to behold Quinn, bearing a chocolate cake on a platter. 'CAKE!' Daria roared, and lunged forward. Quinn, seeing the inhuman look in her sister's eyes, shrieked and accidentally tossed the cake in the air."


• For Better or For Worse, For Richer or For Poorer, by Kristen Bealer (part 1): "Erin lifted her hand to read one word: 'INTELLIGENCE.' 'Ohhh,' she murmured. 'You mean you work for, like, the--' Brian shook his head quickly to silence her, then took back the napkin and dunked it in a water glass. 'I can't go into details here. However, my apartment is secure. If you'd allow me to escort you there, it should be safe to explain.'"


• General Semantics, Private Angst, by gwrtheyrn (part 36): "The Monstrator, in her heart of hearts, felt disaster drawing near. Far from ensuring peace, her mission seemed certain to be the spark to set off open war. Enro apparently thought that he had a chance to conquer the Galaxy by force. Even without her agents' reports from the locus rem, it would have been obvious that the dreadful man had deliberately provoked the current crisis. But there was something he wanted, something he didn't have yet. She wasn't sure what it was, but had a good idea where to look for it."


• Illumination ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): "Daria opened her eyes and looked at her father's concerned face. 'Judith...' she whispered. Jake nodded gravely. 'This has been a long time coming, kiddo,' he said. 'Things are moving and they're going to accelerate soon. There's people trying to slow her down and even stop her, but they know deep down they won't be able to.'"


• Invaders, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "As bullets bounce off my skin, I rush forward and grab one of them by the face. He screams as my fingers find their way into his eye sockets, popping the squishy orbs within. I easily haul his larger form over to the nearest wall and smash him into it and then through it, sending out a spray of brightly painted concrete, followed by his slightly crushed body and then by me as I compress my body down to fit through the hole."


• Is It 'Mania Yet?, by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "O'Neill: 'Thompson throwing the big punches as only he can here.' Barch: 'Yeah. Everyone else's punches actually hit once in a while.' O'Neill: 'Are you watching the same match that I am?' Barch: 'This match is still going? I was hoping to catch a nap before Upchuck's public execution... er... I mean title match.'" (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)


• Lawndale Seven Chapter Two, by Wassersauefer (part 1): "There had been happy times in the live of Tiff'aany, called Tiff by most. She remembered when she had been playing with her brood sisters and brothers, when she had time to be a child and when she had gotten her first birthday present. Sometimes she even remembered the face of her mother and sometimes she dreamed of a gentle voice singing softly to her and strong arms rocking her to sleep. Back when she had been named Blum, before her gift had been noticed."


• Life After Highland (Iron Chef: Lawndale State), by LadieT (part 18): "'...I knew we weren't going to be anything more than a house band. So I quit and decided to focus on school. Trent felt as though I was abandoning my dream - I tried to explain to him that, for me, being a musician was a hobby. I should have never accepted his marriage proposal.'"


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 1: First Impressions, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'I've got this paper my mom told me to give you if anything like psych tests came up.' She pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to Li, who skimmed over it quickly. 'I assure you, our test has nothing to do with this at all. If your mother has an issue with this, tell her to call me, but in the meanwhile you will take the test just like the others. 'Dammit,' Daria whispered, too softly to be heard." (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 2: Party Animals, by Hyrin (parts 1 and 2): "Brittany looked up and, for the first time, realized who she was sitting with. 'EEP! Please, don't hurt me! I'm sorry that Kevvy was such a jerk to you in class, but that was still really mean of you to call me that...that....mean name!'" (Part 2)


• Promises, by LadieT (part 6): "Jane sat down and gently took Quinn's hand. She gazed around the room for a moment, watching and listening to the machines that surrounded her sister-in-law and friend. Then, she stared down at the petite red-head who was lying on the bed in front of her. Jane fought back the tears as she looked at the casts and the bandages and the breathing tube that was forcing air into Quinn's lungs."


• Quinn's Code - 02: Invite of the Geek, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "He turned to Quinn. 'Hey, Quinn, what about you?' 'You want me to go to your girlfriend's party?' she asked. 'Sure!' Kevin said, unfazed. 'Sure,' Quinn said. 'My first real party in Lawndale! I hope it doesn't get as rough as those in Highland!'"


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "'Sounds good to me. And speaking of dark nightmares, Upchuck just walked in. And he seems rather agitated!' It was an understatement. His eyes were rapidly moving from right to left and back, quickly scanning the bar and lounge areas to see if some vicious enemy was parked in the shadows waiting for him to get within range and drag him by the freckled neck to a waiting car and hideous death. He breathed a small measure of relief when he saw no one matching that description."


• Second Rate ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): "JUDITH: If I'm gonna get my ass kicked by a version of a co-dependent little twerp who followed me around at summer camp, I want her to at least be competent about it. AMELIA: (fumes) JUDITH: Awww...whatsa matter? Is widdle Amelia gonna cwy? Come on, get mad. I've seen you scared. Let's see what you're like when you get pissed. Come on...COME ON, YOU STUPID BITCH! LET ME HAVE IT! OR ARE YOU JUST A COMPLETE FRAUD?"


• Someone Else's World, by Charles RB (parts 1 - 4): "She was so busy thinking about that, she noticed, too late, that her mother was watching her, and looking distraught that she wasn't eating. Daria froze – she rarely saw her mother like this, never felt comfortable or sure how to resolve it – and realised, too late, that was entirely the wrong move. Helen looked sadder and sadder, and finally couldn't look at Daria. She thinks I'm doing this deliberately. Why would-" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


• Squad 88 (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "'Attention, students - this is your principal! As you are well aware, this is something we have expected for a long time! Return to your classrooms immediately, and do not, I repeat, do not leave the school grounds until we can be sure that we can return all of you to your homes safety. Just remember, students - your peaceful behavior brings glorrry to Llllllanwdale High!'"


• Summer Fling, by GingerLove84 (parts 2 and 3): "TIFFANY: Hey Saandiii. Isn't thaaat the guitaaar playeeeer you said you were datiiing? SANDI (flustered): Tiffany dear, you must have misheard me. TIFFANY: Why is heee with Daaariaa? Did she steeeeal him? (Bt) That's sooooo wrooooong." (Part 3)


• Unnamed story ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Raskolnikov (COMPLETE!): "The man held the doll for a moment, and he took out something from his pocket. Clenched in his fists, as if he was hiding something precious from a harmful presence, he took whatever he had in his hand to his mouth, and for a moment it looked like he was going to kiss it. But no, less than an inch of his apparent goal, he stopped the trajectory of his hand and held it. He breathed on it. And then he put whatever he had in his hand inside the doll, and started digging on the hard ground with his bare hands."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Objectivization of Women), by Raskolnikov (COMPLETE!): "'Considering that... let's start the first Fashion Objectivism Club meeting. The first issue of the day: tangerine or orange? I think that-' With the sound of the Word 'orange' Stacy started sobbing desconsolately. 'What is it now, Stacy?', Sandi asked with impatience. 'Sorry... It's just... I miss Quinn! Why she couldn't see the truth?! Why did she have to abandon us??' Her sobs started to increase in volumen until they become a high-pitched bawling."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chief: Amnesia), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "The first thing I remember is pain. Blinding pain. I remember that I threw up because of how much my head hurt. I remember crying and whimpering, begging, praying for death so that the pain would stop. I open my eyes, and through the horrible blur I make out a face. Black hair, or is it brown? Wait, its two faces, staring down at me. Am I on the ground? Yes, I am. How did that happen?"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chief: Amnesia), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "She scoured her mind and began to panic as she found huge gaps, completely empty. No name, no past, no sense of self, no anything. There was knowledge, but it was all generalized. She knew what a car was. She knew how a light bulb worked. She knew how the concept of Manifest Destiny had been used to justify the Spanish-American War. But everything about herself was gone. Simply (help me help me oh god help me) gone."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "After dinner, everybody put on their best clothes to greet Mad Dog's brother, and waited. Finally, after half an hour, there was a knock on the door. Mad Dog put on a scowl, walked over to the door and, after a moment, opened it. A ball of yarn hit him squarely in the face. 'Meow meow, brother!' came an effeminate voice."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "She blinked. Her eyes darted around the room, took in the sterile white walls and beeping equipment, the paper-thin gown that barely hid her body from indiscriminate display and realized she'd found herself in a hospital. Her mind was a whirlwind of panic when she realized she didn't even know who She was, or how she'd come to be in the situation she found herself. So she blinked; it was all she could really do."


• What Did You Do During The War, Daria?, by echopapa (part 1): "Jane watched as her friend's face became solemn. It's still strange to watch this, she thought. I've seen lots of people take serious stuff so lightly, but she puts her very heart and soul into it every day. Daria held out her hand so that the ring was touching the battery. 'In brightest day . . .' she began."

"Who's Eunice and why doesn't she get her own body?"

On this day in 1999, the episode "Through a Lens Darkly" aired for the first time. In it, we got to see Daria without her glasses, a freaky dream sequence, a rare appearance from Amy Barksdale, and an almost-but-not-quite vehicular dogslaughter. Oh, and a recurrence of the "talking toilet" joke first seen in "Pierce Me."

Richard Lobinske wrote "Lessons," one alternate universe version of the events in the episode. Ajar wrote another version in Regifted 2: I Put Away Joyless Things. I'm not sure if there have been any other retellings, though. If not, there should be. What if Daria had decided to keep the contacts? Would it have changed anything later in the show? For example, would Tom have approached Daria first instead of Jane? Interesting food for thought, anyway.

Fandom news!

• Best wishes and condolences go out to those affected by the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand.


• Congratulations to Ranger Thorne, who started a new job recently!


• Watermelon Man poses an interesting philosophical question: is morality relative?


• What do you think of the phrase "Everything happens for a reason"? Post your opinion in the thread.


• J-D has a question about "Boxing Daria" and continuity.


• arenadelsur wonders about Frank Zappa in "That Was Then, This is Dumb."


• Liz Ruiz's rewarding the classics thread is still going strong. Discuss your favorite older fics there!

Hey, What About (insert name here)?

In my last post, I mentioned that there aren't very many fanfics about the two characters who represent Presidents' Day on Holiday Island. It was (mostly) a joke, but it got me thinking about other minor characters who haven't gotten much fanfic attention. Certain supporting characters, like Aunt Amy, Tommy Sherman, and Ted DeWitt-Clinton, have had major roles or even been the main characters in numerous fanfics even though they only appeared on the show two or three times.

Then there are the backgrounders, characters who appear in various episodes but generally don't have speaking roles or even names aside from the ones given to them in fanon. Recently, characters like Shaggy, Burnout Girl, Bob the punk, and many more have taken center stage in lots of fanfics, getting character development never dreamed of by the show's writers.

But what about the rest? The characters who were important enough to have names and occasional speaking roles, but not important enough to appear more than a handful of times each? I'm thinking about characters like David Sorenson, one of the rare smart people on the show and, as a tutor, probably witness to the inner workings of plenty of families in Lawndale. Or Axl, who must have a few interesting stories to tell about the alternative culture as he interacts with the patrons of Dega Street. Unlikable as the character is, I'd bet a writer could have lots of fun writing about a day in the life of Val (as in Val).

Who would you like to see more of in a fanfic? Wannabe Brooke? Retro Nathan? One of the Wandering Lanes? Post your thoughts in the comments!

"Of the people, by the people...for the presidents."

Happy Presidents' Day! I recommend that you celebrate by not wearing sandals. You can play the harpsichord if you want, though. Acoustic or electric; your choice.

I haven't been able to find any fanfics about Presidents' Day (either the holiday or the character), but Roentgen's Our Founding Father features George Washington and Smijey's The War on Christmas makes reference to the holiday. Perhaps the characters are due for some fanfic attention! Okay, maybe not.

On the other hand, we are due for a fanfic update!

• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (part 2): "'The cops aren't going to catch us,' Beavis said. 'Don't worry.' 'That's right,' Butt-head said. 'Our car is going to haul ass.' Daria shook her head and walked away. 'You're going to be sorry.'"


• Cole Barksdale, by Cap (part 2): "I was making one last pass under my chin with a razor when the telephone in the bedroom rang cutting through the peace of the late morning. A small surge of peevishness rose at having the stillness disturbed. I gave serious thought to ignoring the ringing irritant but curiosity overrode that impulse. Moments later, I was glad that I did. The pleasure I felt at the voice on the other end took me by surprise. Daria chuckled. 'You sound too chipper for someone who flew in from Europe yesterday.'"


• Da Boss King of Impze (A Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini), by Wassersauefer (part 2): "Shaggy didn't even listen to him; he recalled what Spoon had told him while Fluffy had drunk a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. How he was still alive was a riddle to Simon, or even how all this alcohol could get into the two small Impze, um, Imps. Okay... Okay. Concentrate. Imagine a picture of myself, together with a mental image of the concept of 'friend'. And then shove it up his small brain. Behind his sunglasses his eyes were getting smaller and he did not know it, but they began to glow in a faint, green light."


• Daria/Dorian Ch. 13: Paper Towels and Open Flames Don't Mix, by LadieT (part 3): "Helen and Jake headed towards their suite. Dorian and Jane spent the evening watching Puppet Master while Quinn was on a conference call with the rest of the Fashion Club. Dorian couldn't help but smirk as he listened to his little sister describe their suite in detail. Then, he heard her talk about that bellhop and it made him cringe. Watching the scene play out, Jane leaned towards Dorian. 'Are your big brother senses tingling?' 'I didn't like the way that Bobby dude looked at Quinn this afternoon. There is just something about him I don't trust,' Dorian growled."


• Daria's Travelin' Soldier, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'I was just wondering if you'd be interested in being pen pals. I'm deploying in a few weeks, and I don't really have anyone to write to. My parents are dead, my girlfriend dumped me last week, and I didn't really have any friends in high school. You seem like a really nice girl, and I was hoping to make friends with you.' Daria sat quietly for a minute, during which he felt his hopes sink into the ground. 'Ok,' she said quietly, smiling at him."


• Day of the Daria, by Hyrin (parts 1 and 2): "Suddenly, Jane leapt to her feet and started for the door. 'Where are you going?' Daria asked, grabbing her arm. 'To get the son-of-a-bitch who killed my brother,' Jane said, her voice filled with pain and hate. 'Jane, we have to be smart about this. If you just go after McGrundy, you'll be dead before you get in the door. I think I have an idea that might work, though. But we'll need some help for it.'" (Part 2)


• Fear (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "'I think we all have irrational fears, Daria,' Jodie said, putting down her books at the lunchroom table. 'Why, Jodie,' Daria said in a sarcastic monotone. 'Why don't you have a seat. How rude of us not to invite you over.' 'Shut up,' Jodie said. 'I can't believe that there's something that neither of you isn't afraid of.'"


• A Friend ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by GlitterShrooms (COMPLETE!): "'In the grand scheme of things, no, the crimes themselves weren't that special. What was special, however, was the style. I consider myself an artist with what I do, and I always like having style when "completing" my art, and you my friend, have style. You have grace! You have flair! I would love for you to join in my greatest masterpiece – the destruction of all of creation.' 'Excuse me?' said the other woman without a hint of surprise."


• God Save The Esteem ep22: Anarchy in the Lawn-D, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'My brave paladins of Laaaaaawndale High, I'm afraid I have... I have bad news. We're going to have to cease giving byes for the duration of this crisis, effective immediately. I am truly sorry but you'll have to do the end-of-year exams on your own.' Screams and denials and the sobs of broken men & women filled the air. (Except from Mack, who was sighing)" (Part 4) (Part 5)


• Illumination ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Erin M. (part 1): "'Merry Christmas, kiddo.' Daria's eyes opened and she turned to see her father, Jake, clad in white sitting on the other deck chair. He grinned broadly in that contented way he had. Daria felt her eyes water. She hadn't seen him since the night she took her leap of faith that had saved them all."


• I'm Not Doing You Any Favors ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "After she materialized fully, Judith wrinkled her nose. 'Highland smells just as bad as I remember it. Car exhaust, vomit, dog shit, and rotting road kill. A place only the most tasteless would love.' Judith slowly walked down the poorly maintained road and looked around as she did so. 'If anything, this place looks even more run down that it did before. Couldn't think of a better fate.'"


• The Invitation (Abandoned Version) (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Daria finally had a ride to Brittany's party, but it wasn't the ride she expected. She couldn't quite place the vehicle. It appeared to predate World War II...and perhaps the Civil War. Daria's ride was what appeared to be a heavily modified old flatbed truck which frankly creaked along the road to Crewe Neck. Mounted at the front were two giant headlights the size of small spotlights and a rope was tied between the lamps to be used for some unidentified purpose. She suspected that the rope was a structural support."


• Is It 'Mania Yet?, by TheExcellentS (parts 1 - 3): "O'Neill: 'These two are such friendly guys, you know, but they need to leave that behind and adopt a killer instinct if one of them is to win tonight.' Barch: 'Damn right. Hey, quick question.' O'Neill: 'Shoot.' Barch: 'If Robert and Ted are such nice guys, how come I've never seen their girlfriends?' O'Neill: 'Maybe they're just not wrestling fans. Why'd you ask?' Barch: 'No reason. Just curious.'" (Part 2) (Part 3)


• The James Lane Chronicles Chapter 5, by InvisibleDan (part 3): "James kept at Daria's side as she went towards her locker. He saw the man moving his head around, ignoring both him and Daria. His arms were folded like he was king of the school and he even whistled when a group of girls walked by. Daria got closer to the bank of lockers and reached for the knob to enter the combination to her own. This was impossible since the man was directly in front of her locker so even if she could unlock it there was no way to open it unless he moved. Her arm outstretched, she said, 'Excuse me' at the oblivious stranger."


• Jane Morgendorffer, by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "As Quinn listened to her sisters, it was the first time she began to realize that she would be spending next year alone. Despite being friends with just about everyone in her class, Quinn knew that she would miss talking to her sisters at lunch. Daria and Jane gave her a hug and told her it would be okay and that she was lucky because she would be going to school fifteen minutes later and getting out of school fifteen minutes earlier than they would be. Quinn hugged them back and smiled."


• KP: The Hyde Factor, by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): "'Or what? What will happen if she doesn't stabilize?' Wade swallowed visibly. 'If she doesn't stabilize, Kim's DNA will wear out and she will most likely be dead before she reaches twenty.' 'Twenty?' 'That's an optimistic estimate.' Anne said quietly. 'For all we know, she could drop dead next week.'" (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14)


• The Latest Fashion, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "All attempts to make a plan to deal with Li had been abandoned when it had looked like she wasn't going to get involved. The plan to drop the planning seemed like a bad idea all of a sudden as the stout woman bore down on them like a bull bearing down on a waving cape. 'Rowe! Morgendorffer! Blum-Deckler!' Li yelled as the rest of the students in the hall parted before her like the Red Sea. 'Stop cowering behind Miss Griffin immediately and face what's coming to you!'" (Conclusion


• Lawndale and Sandi Griffin's Genie (Chapter 3), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "'Actually, you have been talking as if you do know what is going to happen,' Daria said. 'Like you have some foresight or something,' Jane said. 'Golly, you're good, Daria,' Jean said. 'And?' Daria prompted. 'And I got the information from time travellers back in the sixties during an 'incident' over in Oakwood. All that I'll say about this afternoon is that I won't be leaving the school with Sandi,' Jean said."


• Legends of The Metal: Sidestory - Drowning in Despair, by Ixmythot (part 2): "Just barely sighing, she closed her eyes, visions of Tom accusing her, damning her after she opened her heart to him, of him driving off with Jane aside him filling her mind, as she slowly climbed atop the stone railing. Closing her eyes once more, she took a deep breath, the voice in her head all she heard, as she dove, diving into the Sea. With a shock, Daria's eyes opened, the voice gone, as realization struck. Looking back and forth, she tried to swim upward, finally realizing where she was, as several massive tendrils, pitch black, rose up around her, wrapping around her legs, her waist, and her throat, pulling her downward...."


• The Legger (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "If you saw me on the street you'd say, 'that redhead is cute. And very popular.' You might even suspect that I'm smart. My 'Crestmore Law' T-shirt and my horn-rimmed glasses might lead you to conclude 'hot lawyer coming through' but a quick conversation will give it away. I don't even want to think about Law School after flunking out. My sister, Daria, does the heavy lifting intellectually."


• Life After Highland (Iron Chef: Lawndale State), by LadieT (part 17): "'You ready to go?' Daria looked at her friend and hesitated, 'Can you give me a couple of minutes?' Jane nodded and followed her to where the fencing team was practicing. They stood and watched the match that was in progress. Jane had no clue what was going on, so Daria began explaining to her the rules and some of the moves. The assistant coach overheard the conversation and whispered in the head coaches ear. As Daria and Jane turned around to leave, the coach stopped them and signaled for them."


• Long Road Home (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Grifter74 (prologue): "Daria sighed as she tried to get comfortable against the wall of the bunker, she and Jane had been directed to shortly after the Main Gun of the SDF-1 fired and its failed take off, then sky filling with an assault force, the size of which hadn’t been seen in one place since the Unification War."


• Pie, Pie, My Darling, by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'I don't know what you mean,' Daria said, cramming the Snickers into her mouth as far as she could. 'We have no situation. Leave me alone, I gotta go.' She attempted to pull herself out of Tom's car, but she seemed to be stuck between the seat and the dashboard... 'Wait. Why is everyone so mad at me?' Tom asked. 'Why? WHY? Because I have a pie in the oven, and I don't want those idiots in there stealing it! And if I leave it alone too long, it'll burn, and I'll have to make another pie!'"


• Questions Asked, Questions Answered, and Pizza with Jane, by Lord Yellowtail (parts 1 and 2): "She shifted from one foot the other for a moment before the weight of the portable drive pressed against her hip, and she remembered why she was here, remembered wide, panicked ice blue eyes glazing over as blood poured across ivory skin from crimson lips opened wide in a gurgling scream, long thin fingers going limp in the-girl-who-would-be-Question's trembling hands. She remembered the first question, the one that led to all the others: Why?" (Part 2)


• Quinn's Code - Story 1: The Esteemsters Code, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Daria was beginning to conclude; 'And so, the one person I'd like to thank more than any other is my very own overachiever sister, Quinn Morgendorffer...' Quinn was aghast. 'Overachiever!' she exclamed. At Kristen's look she added. 'Overacheiver! She's the one with the Straight A's! I have at best a B+ average,' she said, with a hint of jelousy."


• Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (part 42): "They stayed there in the middle of the dorm room for a few minutes, listening to the music. Sam's hand pressed on the back of Daria's head, holding her close to his chest. 'You know that I love you, DeeDee.' Daria's head jerked up. It was Sam's voice, very low and soft, barely a whisper, coming from his own lips. 'You just talked again!'"


• Right Lanes, by Hazazel (COMPLETE!): "First thing Daria saw when inside, was the old Skrewdriver poster that hanged on the wall right in front of the door. Before she could decide what to think about it, she heard a man's voice: 'Hey Janey' Said the young bald man, whose arms were filled with tattoos. 'Who your new friend is?' 'Hey Trent. This is Daria, she just started at Lawndale High.'"


• Summer Fling, by GingerLove84 (part 1): "JESSE: Just follow along, I’ll explain later. (Bt) And don’t kick me, those boots look painful. (Daria raises an eyebrow as Jesse scoots his chair closer and puts an arm around her shoulders.) JESSE (whispering quickly): Don’t kill me. Crazy groupie, 9 o’clock, told her had a girlfriend, details later. (takes a deep breath) Please?"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Jane continued: 'The girl is so obsessed with being beautiful that it turns her into something really ugly. That's the message of the poster.' 'Oh!' Li beamed at them. 'Oh, in that case, forget everything I just said! I'll be proud to enter this work!' 'Boy, you really don't get WAIT WHAT.'"


• Word Girl (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "She told me she was no writer. Words were tricky, she said, and always unreliable. Whenever she reached for them, they squirted away. I didn't argue with her, but her denial confirmed what I'd known all along. I was a townie and she was in college, majoring in cheap beer and hangover haze. We met by a bar when she should have been sleeping and got to know one another as we lay on my car, imagining the stars where they twinkled high above the city smog and dinge."


• Worldburner: They Were Nine, by Erin M. (part 4): "Jane sighed and looked down at the table, composing herself. When she looked back up, her eyes were watery but she didn't cry. 'Thank you, everybody. For everything. If this is the end, I want you all to know...that I love you.' She sniffed then gave the confident smirk that everyone knew her for. 'But some of you more than others. You know who you are.' There was a small chuckle from the group. Jane wiped her nose and eyes and picked up one of the rifles. 'All right, let's move out. We don't know how long we've got--'"


• Worldburner: Vipande Chu Uharibifu, by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): "I dodge behind one of the larger asteroids and prepare to blast it right in Taylor's direction when the watch on my left wrist beeps and a small red light illuminates. I stare at it in disbelief and grin. Jodie pressed the button. She actually pressed the button. NegaJane owes me big time. I'm thinking schoolgirl outfit."

"From outer space to in your face!"

On this day in 1962, the Friendship 7 was launched. The pilot, John Glenn, became the first American and third person to orbit the Earth. Astronaut Jodie salutes him, although you've got to wonder about that smirk on her face. Either she just spotted some hot alien beefcake or she's relieved to have finally found a way to get away from her many extracurricular activities.

Fandom News!

• RLobinske shares an important discovery: Bacon Toothpaste!


• Various posters share their experiences with weddings, whether at night or any time.


• Have you played The Great Gatsby NES Game? You must see it to believe it.


• It's starting to look like Daria won't be in the Beavis and Butt-Head revival. This is a disappointment to some hopeful fans, but probably a relief to Daria herself.


• Want to talk zombies? Of course you do.


• Wassersauefer wonders, what would the Daria cast drink?


• Important fanfic announcement! Worldburner CLOSES on May 1!


• Gjork is looking for Beavis & Butt-Head/Daria crossovers. Share 'em if you've got 'em!


• What should HolyGrail2007 write next? Post or vote in the poll!


• Any and all artists should check out Dork's draw thread for practice and critique!

Post Your Captions!

What does Jake see in the box?

Happy Birthday, Air Andrea--I Mean, Jordan!

Today is retired (multiple times) basketball player Michael Jordan's 48th birthday! He is not to be confused with Michael Jordan Mackenzie, who as far as I know has neither played basketball nor retired from anything. Also, I doubt anyone regularly refers to Michael Jordan as "Mack Daddy."

Today is also the day the musical episode "Daria!" aired in 1999, as well as the 10th anniversary of the airing of "Sarcastathon 3000." Both have provided fandom with a ton of hilarious images, many of which have appeared in this very blog.

Now, how about a fanfic update?

• Bad Times, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Ah-ha! There, in the underbrush, was a hedge that had been trampled underfoot. Proceeding into the small woods, he only made it a few dozen feet before he tripped and landed hard on something that gave way beneath him. With a scream of terror, he ran back to the street to flag down the next passing cop car." (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (part 1): "'Mom?' Daria Morgendorffer said, seeing her mother at the table with her head cradled on her arms. 'What's wrong?' Tired, Helen looked up at her oldest daughter. She pushed a letter aside and said, 'I'm sorry, sweetie, but that job in Maryland fell through.'"


• Da Boss King of Impze (A Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini), by Wassersauefer (part 1): "His head hurt. His temples felt like someone had used a rusty knife to drill holes into them. His mouth was dry and his eyes were sore. And his upper lip was coated with dry blood pouring from his nose. The ground beneath him was hard and cold, like a sidewalk or a drunk tank. '... oh... damn...', he mumbled and slowly he sat up. The movement let his stomach rebel in his body and he felt a wave of nausea hit him. Puke was all around him and it seemed to be a wonder that he was not lying in his own barf."


• Daria/Dorian Ch. 13 Paper Towels and Open Flames Don't Mix, by LadieT (part 2): "Dorian woke up confused and in a daze. Then his mind filled with images from the night before. The fire, Daria waking him up to get him out of the house, Jane running down his street in a panic when she saw the fire truck ran through his mind over and over again. He looked around his surroundings. Jane was asleep on the bed he was leaning against while Quinn was curled in a sleeping bag a few feet from him."


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "(Raven, Staci, Daria, Starfire, Hilary Dorff and Cyborg [yes, Cyborg finally gets to make an appearance] wait outside of Nidey HQ waiting for the public tour to begin. Around them are tween girls wearing officially licensed Miley Cyprus brand clothing: tube tops, short shorts and midriff-less T-shirts advertising Miley's “Swallow the World” concert tour.) Raven: (pulling down her short shorts as they ride up her fanny) Damn short shorts. How can these parents allow their girls to wear such things? I'd feel a lot more comfortable if Chris Hanson were around, that's for sure." (Also here)


• General Semantics, Private Angst, by gwrtheyrn (part 35): "'But I called these guys "low-tech!"' Daria subvocalised, shaking her head. She felt her confidence, which so recently threatened to swell too overweeningly, take a palpable hit. How could she fight the operations of a Galaxy-spanning power that could build warships like this? You might as well set one beaver against the Grand Coulee Dam!"


• God Save The Esteem ep22: Anarchy in the Lawn-D, by Charles RB (parts 1 and 2): "'But since nobody has said that everyone in power was involved-' He noticed Morris looking down, and carried on without missing a beat: 'But since nobody has ever explicitly said the grades will be changed on a student's behalf-' He noticed all three people looking down, and carried on with: 'But, hey at least you didn't actively threaten grade-fixing on students you didn't like OH COME ON!!!!'" (Part 2)


• Jane Morgendorffer, by LadieT (part 39): "Knocking on the door, Daria waited for a moment before Mr. Keller let her in. He replayed the tune and watched as Daria began to mouth the lyrics silently. Asking him to play it one more time, she began to sing along with the music. That was when he asked her if she would sing the song at the upcoming competition. His flashback ended right as she sang the last lyric of the song. Daria stopped and quickly left the stage. As long as she sang, Daria was okay on stage. Once the music stopped, Daria felt the urge to run."


• The Latest Fashion, by Jim North: "'Well, erm, be that as it may,' O'Neill told them, trying to inject his tone with a hint of authority, 'I'm afraid you, uh, you just . . . can't!' Sandi fought to keep a predatory grin from spreading across her face, instead affecting indignant anger. It was time to go in for the kill. 'And why not?' she demanded. 'Is not the female form a wonderful thing? Should we not be allowed to share it as such? Are we not to be allowed, like, our freedom of expression or whatever? Do you wish to keep us from our right to be seen as we want to be seen? Would you deny us our femininity? Our progressing fashion? Our freedom of self?'" (New part) (Newer part) (Even newer part)


• No Armour Bar Her Coat (Writeoff Challenge 8), by Charles RB (part 2): "You only fight when you were sure to win. Her sister got that. And that preyed on Quinn's mind as the clock ground on towards eleven and she was alone in her room: Daria wasn't doing this as a challenge, it wasn't in her. She wasn't a fighter. So this had to be... this had to be her giving up. And that could mean-"


• Oh, By The Way, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "With the family and guests once again gathered in the living room, Helen said, 'I'm looking forward to hosting an Easter egg hunt next year.' 'Mom, Quinn's baby will only be about five months old then,' Daria said. 'You might want to wait a year or so.' 'It's the symbolism that's important.' Daria smirked at her mother. 'Don't use the baby as an excuse. Buy the Cadbury eggs for yourself.'"


• Promises, by LadieT (part 5): "'Quinn's in ICU and Cleo has a broken arm and leg. Cleo knows her dad died and that her mom isn't doing very well. I want to take all of her pain away, but I know I can't,' Jane said as the tears that she had been fighting off for so long started flowing. Trent put his arms around his little sister. 'Janey - I watched you and Cleo when you kept her last summer. She loved it when you told her jokes or drew funny pictures. So, my best advice for you is to do what you do best ... make her laugh.'"


• Someone Call a Doctor (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Daria never got the chance to finish her sentence. They were both involved in their own mutual society and didn't notice the out-of-control car behind them. The drunkard who was driving it swerved into the other lane, brought his Lincoln Continental over the curb and managed to clip Jane in the back with the left front fender. The impact - the car was going at 60 miles per hour - picked up Jane and knocked her body into a utility pole."


• Spirit of the Game, Nature of the Beast, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): "And deal, he needed to do. Cocaine didn't sell itself, the cravings and addictions of his clients meant little if he couldn't be accessible, but discrete. Not just to his regulars, but to new customers, as well. And it looked like a fresh new customer was nearby. Young girl, underage, but dressed impeccably, with nice clothes. Nice clothes meant money to burn, money to burn on something, something he might have had." (Part 25)


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Modern Day Daria), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): "'Well, what do you think?' she asked. Tim O'Neill, seated across the desk from the principal, shrugged. 'There's no reason they can't pass the written test,' he said simply. 'Any idiot could, and Lane has been in the class six times. I assume she took notes at some point, if only in self-defense.'"


• Worldburner: Amelia Goes To Hell (Near Enough) ('Flashpoints': A Worldburner Mini-Fics Thread), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "A sudden, terrifying noise split the air; Amelia jumped, until she identified the sound as the opening to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Which, in fact, was more terrifying than she thought it was. 'Huh huh. Gag. Huhhuhuh.' Amelia frowned. That sounded like... wait, Daria?"


• Worldburner: Vipande Chu Uharibifu, by Erin M. (part 3): "As she filled out the form, she heard a loud clattering coming from inside the main building. Jodie looked up sharply, then down at her watch. Six PM. Way too late for anyone to be at the school, even the custodial staff. She put the clipboard back in the cab of the truck and walked to the doors. She yanked on the handle and blinked as the door practically flew open."

For Everyone Who Isn't in a Relationdateshipthing

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, but today is Singles Awareness Day, also known as Singles Appreciation Day. This holiday may have been celebrated by Daria right up until the episode "Dye! Dye! My Darling" or by Jane right after the episode "Dye! Dye! My Darling." Either way, the "SAD" acronym is apt there.

I wonder what the Holiday Island version of Singles Awareness Day is like. A swinging bachelor(ette)? Someone who moans about how she or she will never find that special someone? Or maybe someone who just walks around pointing and saying, "Hey, look! A single person!"

Today is also Half-Priced Candy Day, one of several observances throughout the year. Go forth and celebrate by grabbing all of the clearance chocolate you can get your hands on! Or at least, whatever's left once I've gotten to it first.

Fandom News!

• MartinUK has posted pictures from his trip to Amsterdam!


• breitasparrow started a thread about art and other people's responses to it.


• Charles RB wonders what the show might have been like if some of the early production prototypes had been used. He also asks, just WHO did the replacement music for the Daria DVDs?


• Lord Yellowtail shares his thoughts about a Daria/The Question fusion.


• Brother Grimace posted a new Iron Chef in the Creative Writing forum: Worldburner: Judith vs. Jim Vitale!


• A bunch of hilarious macros are being posted in The Easel. Check them out, and maybe even add your own!

"Everything is cool. Everything is love, baby."

Happy Valentine's Day! Nothing quite says "love" like a half-naked Upchuck, so consider this my holiday gift to you all. Try not to get hit by Cupid's love taser or get tricked into blurting out the name of that particular someone who makes you feel like Queen Cleopatra.

Especially if that particular someone happens to be a half-naked Upchuck.

While you all try desperately to erase that image from your minds, here are a few Valentine's Day-related fanfics for your enjoyment:

• The Bear and the Unicorn by Brother Grimace


• The Valentine Crush by LILJELLYB AND T1TANIC111


• Valentine's Day by Deref

Four Score and Curious George

Today is a big day for historic birthdays! Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln were both born on February 12th in 1809--same day, same year.

Darwin is known for putting forth the theories of evolution and natural selection, as described in his most famous work, On the Origin of Species. He's also known from this exchange in the Daria episode "The Old and the Beautiful":

Mr. DeMartino: And so, the Democratic Party came to be associated with the "welfare state," and the Republican Party with a more Darwinian approach. Which do you favor? Kevin!

Kevin: Darwin's the monkey guy, right? I like monkeys.

Mr. DeMartino: A statement no doubt once also made by your mother!

Kevin really is a fan of Charles Darwin, though, because "when Curious George gets in trouble, he always lets him slide."

Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, is one of the country's most famous and beloved leaders. His most famous act as President was the Emancipation Proclamation, but in "I Don't" the circumstances of his assassination takes center stage:

Daria: I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln, after she went crazy.

Brittany: I didn't know she went crazy.

Jane: Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.

Brittany: Wow!

Jodie: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish our fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.

Brittany: You mean the bullet didn't kill him?

Fanfic Update!

• Bad Times, by Hyrin (parts 1 - 3): "'The Spiral is off tonight. Max has a temp job with a construction crew, its Nick's weekend with his daughter, and we couldn't scrape up bail for Jesse. Possession is starting to become a big deal again. Trent is doing a solo show, and he says he has a new song he wrote for a special girl,' Jane said, no longer able to keep the smile off her face." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Conflict of Shadows (IRON CHEF - Worldburner: Judith vs. Jim Vitale!), by Ray (COMPLETE!): "'Very nice.' She tilted the glass, downing the remaining contents with a pleased shudder. She set the glass down, then wreathed her body in flames. 'But I’m in something of a rush, so let’s get down to business. I have a universe to burn.' Jim took another gradual sip, enjoying the liquid while waving an admonishing finger. 'That's your problem, you know. You've been in such a rush, you've gotten sloppy about certain things.' "


• Crazy Punk-Self-Insert, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "Ever read one of this stupid self-insert Mary Sue stories written by some hormonally challenged teenage girl? Yeah, me too. I don't like them, never had. Doesn't stop me from writing one myself. The only difference is, this one's true. Yep, it is."


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "Kim Probable: Do I have to spell it out for you? Daria killed every one of these celebrities to bring attention to herself and garner votes for the 2010 Bootie Awards, just like she went down to Hell last year to retrieve you, Raven. Daria: I would never kill anyone . . . except for those two grifters hitchhiking outside of Indianapolis, but that was years ago." (Continued here)


• D'rea's Mission (Iron Chef: Mary Sue), by rglovejoy: "Subcommander D'rea read the letter for the third time, trying to tease out the deeper meaning of the words. There was no other way to interpret them except on face value: her tenure at the Vulcan Science Academy was to be interrupted, and the High Command was assigning her to oversee the first mission of the Humans' newest starship, the NX-01 Enterprise."


• Fugitive Chapter 8: Grunge, by Wassersauefer (part 1): "She did not know it, but the designer of the Shinobi battle suit had a few things in mind while working on the project: 1.Efficiency 2.Intimidation 3.Efficiency 4.Patriotism 5.Impressing the cute lab assistant from down the hall He had succeeded in every respect. (They married three month later. He and the lab assistant, not the suit.)"


• God Save The Esteem Ep21: Good Sports, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Daria stared at the bowl of cereal like a Pope who'd gone to Amsterdam's red-light district by mistake. 'Dad, this is healthy. Are you feeling alright?' 'As responsible parents, we care about our beloved daughter's health and daily nutrition!' 'You've made Dad sell out, Daria!' spat Quinn, thumping the table. “SELL OUT!'" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


• The Greatest of News (Cheer Chef!), by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "'Helen - mother is dead.' Rita said sadly; tears stained her cheeks. 'Mother's dead.' Helen stated with shock. 'Rita does this mean-' 'Yes-' 'You've finally off'd the bitch!' Helen said gleefully."


• Holiday Roadtrip, by Chris Tucker: "As they passed the border between Rhode Island and Massachusetts, Jane called out, 'Home stretch, ladies! We'll be in Boston inside of an hour. If you gotta go, well, you got empty coffee cups or you hold it until we hit BFAC, 'cause I ain't stopping until I park this thing in front of my dorm!'"


• The Latest Fashion, by Jim North (part 1): "Quinn shrugged at Sandi, unsure of how to continue. They tried their best to keep their gaze level. They shuffled their feet. They wrung their hands behind their backs. 'Tiffany dear, are-' 'Oh my God, you're NAKED!' Stacy screamed at the top of her lungs, causing Sandi and Quinn to clamp their hands over their ears."


• Lawndale Seven Chapter One, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "Captain Jake Morgendorffer was considered to be a slightly crazy, ranting and unpopular officer. The Admirality of the eight fleet did clearly not like him, or they would have given him another command. Not on some old, outdated ship on the border to wildspace on patrol duty, looking for any signs of trouble. Sitting in his commando chair the captain gripped the handles of his chair and clenched the teeth together. The whole vessel was shaking under the steady fire of the attacking Hopp-Raiders, the shield fluctuating. 'Stupid squirreld headed Morons!! You think this will break me old man?!! HUH?!!! I'LL SHOW YOU!!! GOOD OL' JAKEY ISN'T YET READY TO GO!!!'"


• Life As We View It, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "DARIA (Thought VO): Alright Morgendorffer, stay calm. You're in Trent's bed, no big deal. (There's a light snore from behind her, Daria blinks.) You're in Trent's bed and you're not alone (Bt) Okay, still no reason to panic. (The blankets suddenly shift behind her and we see an arm drape over her. Daria's eyes widen) DARIA (Thought VO): You're in Trent's bed and there is someone cuddling with you. (Bt) Now might be the time to panic."


• Life Beyond Highland (Iron Chef: Lawndale State), by LadieT (part 16): "A couple of moments later, Daria thought she heard someone call her name. Daria and Jane stopped and turned around to see Brittany trying to catch up to them. Jane began to walk away, only to have her progress stalled by Daria. 'Umm, Daria, Jane - the Kappa Kappa Gammas are throwing their first party of the year this Friday and I was wondering if you would like to attend,' Brittany said."


• Literal Interpretation (IRON CHEF - Worldburner: Judith vs. Jim Vitale!), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Judith entered the ornate office singing the obvious tune, slightly off-key, 'Well, it's bad, bad LeRoy Vitale.' Calm, Jim Vitale rose and said, 'A joy to finally meet you, Judith Morgendorffer. Please, have seat.'"


• The Long, Dark Break-Time (IRON CHEF - Worldburner: Judith vs. Jim Vitale!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "The two forces studied each other, looking for weak points. Bastards both, horrors to countless worlds, calculating whether it was worth cutting loose."


• The Newest Addition (Cheer Chef!), by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "Summer, Jane, and Wind were sitting on the giant couch in the basement. Jane was constantly looking back at the clock and was tapping her foot. Summer stared at her little sister in amusement. 'With the way you are acting, people would think that you are the one getting married,' Summer smirked."


• Oh, By The Way, by RLobinske (part 6): "Tess approached Daria and said, 'What do you think about your sister having a child?' 'I think that she'll be a good mother,' Daria said. 'That still doesn't change my mind about having one.' 'I suppose I'll have to be happy with one great-grandchild.' 'Guilt isn't going to work. Grandma, a couple should only have a child if they want one. Any other reason shortchanges the child.'"


• Only a Study Session (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Checking the address on a slip of paper, Raft student Daria Morgendorffer looked up at the brownstone building. 'This looks like the place.' Double-checking the pepper spray in her pocke, she thought, He seems nice enough, but you can't be too careful." (Part 2)


• Quinn's Code - Story 1: The Esteemsters Code, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 8): "Unknown to Quinn and Jenna, Stacy Rowe had overheard them from her locker. 'The Anime Club. If Sandi wasn't such a hardcase about things, I would have joined a few weeks ago,' she thought. She closed her locker and headed to the bathroom where Sandi and Tiffany were waiting for her."


• The Road Not Taken By a Sloane (Iron Chef: No Bromwell For Tom), by Cap (COMPLETE!): "'What's wrong, Tom?' she asked in genuine concern. He stayed silent for several moments before finally sighing. 'A little brouhaha at home this morning.' 'Oh?' 'I told my parents that I'm not going to Bromwell,' Tom said brusquely after a moment."


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "Daria asked: 'Just how bad was it?' 'She told me he was super hot. In reality, he was a super gafone.' 'That bad, huh?' 'Yeah, It's typical, though. It's like I ask them for a map of New Jersey and they hand me a sheet of used toilet paper.'"


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "The paranoia I was feeling back in David's haven comes back full force, and this time I have no conflicts with it. The phone's warnings begin to fluctuate a little, getting stronger and weaker in turns broken by brief periods where they remain moderate but steady. Whatever this thing is, I think it's checking me out. Testing my reactions. Hunting me. But there's nothing there, just fog fog fog and more fog. I'm missing something. I'm- LOOK UP."


• Second Glance, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "DARIA (sighing): Maybe I'll- JANE: Oh no, you're not heading to your parents. You're just gonna have to suck it up Morgendorffer. I am not gonna have my best friend and my brother avoiding each other like the plague over a little kiss. Now in five years or so, if you're avoiding each other because of restraining orders or child support, I'll adjust."


• Spirit of the Game, Nature of the Beast, by HolyGrail2007 (parts 21 - 23): "It wasn't too hard to find Christine, the shrieking made it very easy. Elsie found her standing in front of the safe that she had put those diamond earrings in, the one she bragged about immensely. The perfect thing to steal. 'Christine? I've heard shouting.' Elsie came over with a fake look of concern on her face. 'They're gone! My earrings! I've been robbed!' She shrieked and sobbed." (Part 22) (Part 23)


• Unnamed story (Cheer Chef!), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Ignoring the cries of her baby brother Evan, Jodie lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling in hopes of calming herself enough to make the upcoming car ride with her dad tolerable. Another day at the Congressman's office, and without Mack, she sighed to herself. Just as she was getting up to go meet her father, his screams lit up the house."


• Unnamed story (Cheer Chef!), by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): "A tear fell down Sandi's cheek as she hugged her brother Sam. Words failed her at this moment of happiness and relief." (RLobinske's alternate ending)

Anyone Need a Folding Coffee Cup?

Today is National Inventors' Day (United States)! You can celebrate with Mack and Quinn, but I wouldn't recommend drinking anything Mack offers you. Just in case. Fantasy Future Daria would join in, but she's working double shifts at the gene splicing lab again. Stupid Fantasy Future Trent.

Fandom News!

• TheExcellentS found someone who really liked SC's Daria/Donnie Darko art--so much that they've got a tattoo of it!


• Did you catch any of the Super Bowl commercials? Which were your favorites?


• Dork started a thread about songs Daria would write / music she'd listen to.


• vlademir1 has some thoughts about recent fanfic trends.


• Liz Ruiz wants to reward the classics of Daria fanfic. Post about your old favorites or PM her some nominations--details in the thread.


• Two new Iron Chefs: Roentgen's Titles and LadieT's Cheer Chef!.


• RLobinske has started the 2011 Daria Visual Fanworks Listing.

'Ey, You! Let's Talk about AU!

Although they've long been a major part of Daria fanfic, alternate universe stories seem to be showing up more than ever recently. These range from gender benders where a canon character switches sexes (like HolyGrail2007's Finn Morgendorffer or InvisibleDan's James Lane) to "what ifs" with relatively small changes that lead to big ones (like Roentgen's Hallowed Halls of Fielding) to major shifts in the entire canon universe (like Charles RB's God Save the Esteem or LadieT's Jane Morgendorffer).

Part of the reason for the increase in AUs is that canon only provides so much material to work with. After a while, it seems like most of the ground has been covered and it becomes sensible to look for new spins on old situations. A small (or huge) change here or there, and suddenly you have a fresh foundation to work with!

Another reason is that it's just plain fun to explore "what might have been." Just about every event during the course of the show has the potential to branch off and become a new story--or even a new series. Why not explore the path not taken and see where it might end up? Especially if it's one that leads to personal and spiritual satisfaction. That's why they don't want you to take it.

One further reason, of course, is that it's a great opportunity to play God with the characters and utterly rearrange their lives. A few taps of the keyboard and suddenly the Morgendorffers have a third daughter or Trent is a middle schooler with a crush on high school Daria. That kind of power can be irresistible. I'd make them crawl, I tell you. Crawl!

Of course there are plenty more factors at work here than the few I've mentioned, but now I'd like to open it up for you to chime in. What appeals to you about reading or writing alternate universe stories? What AU hasn't been written yet that you'd like to see? Does this blog make me look fat?

"No one will ever accuse these kids of being Reds!"

Today is the 101st anniversary of the founding of the Boy Scouts of America. Aside from the appearance in "Legends of the Mall," shown on the right, the only real reference made to the Boy Scouts in Daria is that Jake and Rita's boyfriend Paul were in the Scouts together as boys. However, without the Boy Scouts we probably would not have had Girl Scouts, and Jane would never have had to endure hearing the song "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" while going on hikes. And who wants that?

By the way, has anyone ever written a story about Jake in Boy Scouts? If not, they should. Like, right now. I'll wait. (checks watch)

While we wait, here's the latest fanfic:

• Another normal day in Lawndale, by JPAGC (part 9): "Jane watched her closely. Her long experience being a teenage semi-outcast had taught her that, in some rare occasions, more popular classmates would secretly approach and confide in her, usually to relieve tension about a test, parent's expectations, friendships or pour their hearts out about girlfriends or boyfriends. It was as if being a semi-abandoned semi-alternative teenage artist led others to the conviction she was discreet and available. She didn't quite understand it, but she didn't mind nor complain, as she though these things kind of protected her of being a complete outcast and thrown to the wolves."


• Daria/Dorian Ch. 13 Paper Towels and Open Flames Don't Mix, by LadieT (part 1): "Dorian was sound asleep after spending several hours working out with Mack and the three Js. The Daria side of his brain, however heard her father's screams. Dorian, this isn't a social call. The house is on fire so GET YOUR ASS UP AND GET US OUT OF HERE! Dorian grabbed his glasses and bolted out of bed. He ran into Quinn as he left his room. His parents were already heading outside. Helen was on her cellphone calling the fire department. They met out by the curb as their neighbors started to gather around. A few minutes later, sounds of sirens blaring filled the air."


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "Daria: (to Jodie) Boy, things sure have changed since I left. Jodie: More like since Sandi left. Raven: That's right. Arrowette put an arrow through her head. Jodie: Thanks for the expository material." (Another part here)


• Fugitive Chapter 7: Britpop, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "In front of him stood a middle-aged man, probably the owner of the shop. His smile seemed somehow off, as if he was incredibly pleased to see someone in his store. He had a neatly trimmed beard of short raven black hair and equally black scalp hair, styled like a proper gentleman from way back would have done it. He wore a white shirt decorated with quillings, a black shiny black vest, black pants and round, black sunglasses. But what he really looked at was the man's walking stick, decorated with a shiny, skull shaped knob on the tip. For a moment he thought the eyes of said skull were shining."


• Galahad (Iron Chef: Mary Sue), by Cap: "Daria held up a hand stopping the flow of adjectives. 'For a teenager,' she began. 'Galahad's good looking in a traditional masculine manner. He's also intelligent, a gentleman in the truest sense, surprisingly sophisticated, very talented, amazingly patient and unfailingly kind but will stomp the crap out of anyone I ask him to.' 'Ooooh, sounds perfect,' Jane cooed. 'When do I get to meet him?' 'Graduation,' Daria replied peevishly."


• Genesis, by VPrad (part 4): "Next to her car stood the person responsible for Trent's current condition, the woman who had destroyed his mind, Daria Morgendorffer, and behind her, her sister Quinn. Without saying a word, Jane walked towards her. 'Hello Jane.' Daria said softly when she was close enough. Without saying a word, Jane threw a hard punch to her face that sent her glasses flying. The impact of Jane's fist caused Daria to fall to the ground. 'I told you this would happen if I ever saw you again.'"


• God Save The Esteem ep20: Bearing Gifts, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "She found the table easy enough. She could see her grandmother and the Fielding professor, the latter clearly bewildered, the former freezing in mid-greet and only just keeping down a look of horror. Grandma Barksdale had not expected Daria to turn up in her usual clothes, combat boots and all. And she certainly hadn't expected Daria to have a shock of bright-green hair."


• Holiday Roadtrip, by Chris Tucker: "10 minutes later, having SLOOWWLY made it to the exit, they were able to pull into the parking lot of a gas station/diner. The three girls got out of the car and stretched. 'You know, we could just stay here. There's a gas station and a place to eat. We have cell phones and a computer. I say we just live in the car, transfer to the University of Phoenix and finish our college educations online. It'd be faster than trying to get back to Boston.'"


• The House of Cards, by Doggieboy (part 3): "Robert walked into the bathroom to relieve himself and wash his hands one last time before he left. When the door crashed open and a flash-bang grenade went off, he cried out in shock and looked into the mirror as his eyes turned black in color. Despite the shock to his ears, he heard two men rush into the room and turned to face them."


• How to Train Your Daria, by Hyrin (part 2): "'I still can't get over that: there are dragons here! Real dragons. That's cool.' 'Why are you surprised? Didn't you read the information that we got when we signed up for this program?' Jane's smirk answered that question. Daria sighed. “The people who live here are the descendants of a group that broke away from the Vikings 300 years ago to hunt dragons. It was three years ago that the fighting between the two groups finally stopped. Now, the dragons are integrated into their society and you're asleep so I'm going to shut up now. A light snore was Jane's only reply."


• Lawndale Seven Chapter One, by Wassersauefer (part 2): "Highland had never been this fun. There she couldn't even get into the clubs, here they only took a good look on her and let her in with a smile. Even if the big bouncer was really intimidating, with all the spikes on his head and his arms bigger than her body. One minute she was dancing very close with a boy she didn't even wanted to know the name of, the next moment she got handed a pink drink by someone. She mouthed a thanks, it was way to loud to talk, before she took a sip. It tasted sweet and had a funny aftertaste."


• Life As We View It, by GingerLove84 (parts 1 - 6): "(Cut to Daria near the door. She's got her boots on now and has already carried her bags to the car. She pauses, looking hesitant. Sighing, she steps out the door and starts to lock it, jumping as her cell phone rings. Flipping it open, she puts it to her ear as she locks the door.) JANE: The apartment will be fine Morgendorffer. You haven't forgotten anything, lock it up and go." (Part 2)(Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Life Beyond Highland, by LadieT (part 15): "Before Daria could answer, Professor Barch entered the room. Daria just nodded and focused her attention to the woman at the front of the class. The middle-aged woman gave a long scan of the room before spending the rest of the class going over the safety rules for the class. The one thing Daria realized early on was that the teacher really hated the male students in her class. Great, just what I need. A whacko nut job professor near dangerous chemicals. Remind me to find the local Army/Navy store and see of they have a hazmat suit in my size."


• LLH Alternate Future 06 - Please Give Me Your Full Attention, by psychotol: "'MISSING, NUCLEAR, MATERIAL, BRITTANY!' said Jane. ... 'We have no choice. We spare anyone from finding that in favour of anything even finding one of our own ... ... ' 'Missing fissile nuclear material,' said Jodie, 'enough for forty critical masses, up to thirty eight nukes. On the plus side,' said Jodie."


• Oh, By The Way, by RLobinske (parts 4 and 5): "When Jake stepped forward toward Quinn, he bumped into Helen. When their eyes met, they saw the overloading emotion in the other's eyes and at the same time, Helen said, 'Heart Attack!' while Jake said, 'Stroke! The exclamations broke Jake and Helen from their shock. A sudden, huge grin formed on Jake's face before he said, 'I'm going to be a grandfather!'" (Part 5)


• Promises, by LadieT (part 4): "Jane and Jake sat quietly on opposite sides of Cleo's bed. Every so often, Jake would turn and look at Jane and see the concern on her face. Unlike Helen, Jake didn't hate Jane. He wanted his oldest daughter to be happy and if Jane made her smile, then he was satisfied with that. He was more upset over the fact that Helen had denied him one of the few things he had wanted to do in life, walking Daria down the aisle at her wedding."


• Quinn's Code - Story 1: The Esteemsters Code, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 7): "'What are Mom and Dad arguing about, Daria?' she asked. 'Better to ask her than to try to ask them,' she thought. 'I suggested to Mom that we go to Pizza Forest for Dinner like we used to,' Daria said, matter of factly. Quinn had also seen the Lawndale franchise of Pizza Forest near the Mall the previous day. 'The place with the singers! No wonder they are arguing, Daria. Most of the people hired to be the singers can hardly hold a note!'"


• Random fic, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "Her husband was at a gig, something he did mainly for fun these days. He'd long ago surrendered to the fact that his band was not going to support his family. But the gigs still gave him a rush that nothing could replace. Daria had stopped joining him after the baby was born, but she remembered the excitement of gig night well. There was always something magical about watching him on stage, and it always brought back the memories of the night that changed her life forever."


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "O.K., Daria, just how hot was it 60 million years ago?' 'I dunno, Jane, let me check the paleothermometer....' 'Paleothermometer? I've never heard of it.' 'It's one of those ideas that didn't go quite far enough. You know, like the Small Bang Theory. Still, the invention has some positive uses....'"


• Spirit of the Game, Nature of the Beast, by HolyGrail2007 (parts 19 and 20): "While she truly didn't care anymore for them, it only mattered because of Tom. Bianca didn't want to tarnish the opinion of the one person whose opinion actually mattered to her. Her one friend here, who didn't see her as some lust object or an agent of sabotage to be used. He saw a person, a friend. A feeling Bianca could barely remember, but she liked it." (Part 20)


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by peapotmaster (COMPLETE!): "Daria: I am Daria, and I didn't know I was related to some barbarian named He-Man. Magical powers were given to me when I lifted up my sword and said: "By the Honor of Grayskull!""


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The USA and Canada mine, So how did I do it?), by Cap (COMPLETE!): "Daria closed the heavy drapes turning around in disgust. She snapped her fingers at the nearest flunky."