Don't Call Him a Cowboy...Ever

Look out, because here comes Travis the Singing Cowboy to "entertain" us for International Country Music Day. When I say "look out," I'm talking to Travis because I think Daria's still in touch with her non-timid side and she's licensed to drive.

I'd much rather listen to Travis the pet shop canary sing, which is appropriate because it's also National Pet Bird Day! Just take care that he doesn't try to escape through the air vents and get stuck in the air filtration system again.

I hope Mr. DeMartino keeps his documentation handy in case Ms. Barch decides to call INS on him, because it's Citizenship Day and she just might be petty enough to do it. Given current events, however, the prank isn't quite so funny anymore.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 7): "'My so-called sister is having an oddly long party week. I need to find a place to stay.' Daria stated, walking out Mr. O'Neill's class with Jane."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 98): "That night Anna and Lockie Allyngard fell asleep together with the sweet crackling of the fireplace and the cries and howls of a winter storm outside."


• Know Your Foes, by roentgen (part 1): "Daria stood in what was called the 'Chamber of Secrets' at USAES. 'What do you mean, "it's all gone"?'"


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 6): "Down in the kitchen, Sandi grabbed an energy drink out of the fridge. She then saw that Sam was there."

Yes, I DO Want to be a Millionaire!

I am more than happy to take Tom up on his offer for Free Money Day, but somehow I doubt that he's sincere. After all, that's not how old money gets old. And, honestly, he should keep the money to fix his car before it falls apart entirely.

Jake will be pleased to know that today is National Linguine Day, because it gives him the opportunity to cook up another batch of non-frozen-lasagna pasta for dinner! Just don't let it oxidize, and be sure to invite Trent because linguine is probably also his favorite.

Finally, Daria should pay her friend Mrs. Blaine a visit in honor of Respect for the Aged Day, and take along her latest Melody Powers story to share. Just as long as she leaves the Ginsberg at home.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Polly Holliday.


• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Hazel Burke and Florence Johnston.

Good News for Mrs. Johanssen!

I see Daria and Tom have beat me to celebrating International Chocolate Day, but have no fear. I will be catching up to them in no time, and in my case the chocolate will be authorized!

For those who want two great tastes that taste great together, you could also celebrate National Peanut Day! Just take care that, unlike Trent, peanuts don't hijack your brain...moth to a flame...if you don't release me...I'll say something profane!

Once everyone's sweet tooth has been satisfied, it should be easy to observe Positive Thinking Day. Unless you're Daria, to whom "positive thinking" is an entirely foreign concept.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria in "The Gap", by SisterCatherine (COMPLETE!): "Though she would be loath to admit it, Daria had been excited for college. The change of pace was direly needed, and after learning that she wouldn’t have to part with Jane, she was as close to eager as she really could be."


• Timmy the Bully, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Quinn and Jim were both in the principal's office to discuss their son's recent aggressive behavior. Timmy sank in his chair while the principal, Joey (formerly of the three Js) explained what was going on."

Double-Booking a Date Isn't an Emergency, Either

I'm glad that Quinn is celebrating Emergency Number Day, but I hope she realizes that 911 is not intended for fashion emergencies. Jake, meanwhile, may or may not need Helen to remind him of the number for 911.

Once Quinn gets off the phone, I'm sure she'll be happy to show off her latest photos in honor of National School Picture Day. Daria will be far more reluctant, but I'd be curious to find out if she stuck with Black Clouds Swallowing Chernobyl as her backdrop or decided to switch it up and go for Deep Midnight of Despair instead.

Finally, today we observe Patriot Day by remembering those who were killed in the terrorist attack on September 11th, 2001. The Angst Guy's very first Daria fanfic, Nine-Eleven and Counting, centers around the events of 9/11.

Do Computer Errors Bug You?

Jake is super excited to learn that on this day in 1947, the very first computer bug was found. And by "bug," I mean that they found an actual dead moth in the computer. No word on whether or not anyone tried to claim that the moth was actually a feature.

If anyone wants to celebrate International Buy-a-Priest-a-Beer Day, I recommend you don't start with the officiant from Erin and Brian's wedding. First of all, he's a minister, not a priest. Secondly, I don't think that dude needs to indulge in any further vices.

On a personal note it was fifteen years ago today that I began my stint as a guest blogger for this page! Guys, I'm starting to suspect that this isn't a temporary gig after all....

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 3): "-'This, and more anticipated funerals on Sick, Sad World' 'Well, at least I'll know where to call right before I tragically die' Jane said sitting criss crossed on her bed, turning off the TV."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "However, something happened when they brought William into the daylight. He began to transform, with some of his skin stretching and his eyes turning dark."

Long Live the Queen of Sarcasm

Daria reigns supreme as Elizabeth I on the anniversary of the English queen's birth on this day in 1533. Although that looks like the most uncomfortable outfit she's ever worn--and yes, I'm including the bridesmaid's dress--I do give her credit for staying true to her usual color scheme.

Does Kevin know that today is National Beer Lovers Day? If not, someone should let him know so that he can crush cans on his head and sing his favorite song about ninety-nine bottles of beer. I have to admit, I'd be surprised to learn that he can actually count to 100, let alone backwards.

A drink might be a good idea for at least some of the Morgendorffers if either grandmother chooses to celebrate Grandparents' Day today. God help us all if both grandmothers decide to visit on the same day!

Fandom News!

• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Muffy Tepperman and Sandi Griffin.

A Cheesy Holiday

Ted is enjoying a nice big serving of processed cheese for Cheese Pizza Day, and he probably still doesn't know what process they use to make it. Hopefully Daria will take extra care to avoid cheese burn, but that's something the Fashion Club with their cheeseless pizza will never have to worry about.

Trent, meanwhile, will almost definitely celebrate Be Late for Something Day, although I don't know if it counts as "late" if you oversleep and miss the whole thing.

Finally, feel free to do something for the less fortunate in honor of International Day of Charity! You could read to seniors, help out with cow skull-related arts and crafts at the children's hospital, or just donate some go-go boots and a belly chain to a clothing drive. The sky's the limit!

Fanfic Update!

• But You Always Knew the Truth, by riotsquirrrl (part 9): "Daria unclipped the roll of film she’d hung up the night before. Holding it up to the orange light of the photo lab, she carefully snipped the film and slipped it into the plastic sleeves."


• Dungeons and Ditzes, by AngryKnife (part 1): "The TV hummed, and the announcer spoke over a dramatic guitar riff: 'Suburban Book Club Accidentally Summons Literary-Criticism-Demon During Discussion of Beach Read. A Sick Sad World Exclusive!'"


• The Muliebrity, by janendaria4life (part 6): "Camp had been going on for a couple weeks and it was the beginning of July."


• Mysteries of Aurora, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 19): "'You're also looking for others?' 'Also, for someone who does specialize in the Mid-Ancient Era,' Olivia added."


• Star Trek: Voyager Alone, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Neelix was stressing. Voyager had told him that Kes had been beamed back, but she had told him about her people’s closed minded views. He was sure that she would be affected by her brief time down there."


• Timmy the Bully, by wilddogjj (part 2): "Quinn, Jim and the triplets were at the table eating dinner while the family dog, Stripe, sat on the floor and occasionally begged for table scraps."

Brittany is Going Ape!

It seems that Brittany has decided to celebrate Skyscraper Day by climbing one, but I suspect that Kevin has had better days. Poor Brittany is going to have a difficult time fitting into her cheerleader uniform from now on, and pity the poor girls at the bottom of the pyramid!

As if Kevin's day wasn't bad enough already, it was on this day in 1970 that famed football coach Vince Lombardi died. Contrary to Mack's comments, Kevin knows without a doubt that he did not go to hell...but he might have been sending Kevin football plays from beyond the grave.

Not being much of a football fan, Quinn will probably be more interested to hear that today is eBay's 30th birthday! The site made it possible to shop without even leaving home, but I'm sure eBay will be devastated to learn that, at 30, its life is over (by Quinn's standards).

Breakfast at Daria's

Daria has embraced her inner Audrey Hepburn in time for National Little Black Dress Day, which is quite a change from her usual Longish Black Skirt apparel. Not sure if the Fashion Club would approve of the old-fashioned style, but I'll bet Nathan would appreciate the vintage look.

I hope Kevin knows that today is American Chess Day, because if he ever got around to joining the chess team then he can demand that his opponent king him. And that's the story of how Kevin was immediately kicked out of the chess team.

Finally, I hope everyone in the United States has a pleasant Labor Day, especially if you get the day off work. No chance Helen has the day off, though, even if the office is closed. Workaholics gotta workaholic!

Fanfic Update!

• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 97): "Every lightning attack was the most terrifying, dazzling and unimaginably beautiful light that Anna Coulthard had ever seen."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 4): "Some of the café was still laid out for the party. Quinn gave William some of the leftovers as he held a cold pack to his head."

She's Alive!

Jane's trying out yet another new look for Frankenstein Day, and I think the stitches are a better look than the orange-and-black nightmare that was her attempted hair dye job. Just don't let the Fashion Club see her in that jacket.

On a different yet still spooky note, today is International Bat Night! At last, Jane can live her dream of sleeping upside-down and spreading rabies!

On a much less spooky note, today is also National Beach Day and that means plenty of fun in the sun and partying with friends! I suspect Daria would rather take the monsters and the bats, actually.

Squeak!

I'm thinking that this particular critter isn't feeling up to participating in Race Your Mouse Day, but I'd like to see how you feel after spending days in the company of Brian Taylor. Of course, since the holiday most likely refers to computer mice, I don't think this poor lab rat needs to exert itself after all.

When you're done using your mouse pad as a racetrack, you could celebrate National Burger Day with one or even two jumbo burgers if you feel like following in Jane's footsteps. Or you could put one into your boots to enjoy the squishy feeling.

If you're in a reading mood, you might pick up War and Peace in honor of the anniversary of Leo Tolstoy's birth on this day in 1828. Don't expect to finish it in a hurry, though, and whatever you do don't pester him for a sequel!

Fanfic Update!

• Heavenly Wine and Roses, by riotsquirrrl (part 10): "Nearly two years later, Tom is sailing his aunt's training catboat down the coast. It was too warm on land but here he is lost in the spray and the sun and the cries of gulls."


• A Sartorial Abomination (1998), by scaryfangirl2001 (COMPLETE!): "March 1998 in Leeville, Virginia. The air, usually crisp with the lingering chill of winter, now hangs heavy inside the bridal shop, thick with the cloying sweetness of potpourri and the faint scent of stale lace."


• Star Trek: Voyager Alone, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "In sickbay, the automated systems scanned Kes and the triage programs examined her injuries. They determined that the Emergency Medical Hologram didn't need to be activated, rather that a Nurse DOT could treat her."

The Dog Days of Summer

I see that the bulldog that fanon has named "J.B." is ready to enjoy National Dog Day with an especially celebratory stick. As long as he can avoid any teenage drivers-in-training, he should be just fine! Let's also wish a happy day to whichever Leary the Yeagers are up to these days.

Daria, meanwhile, may choose to observe National Toilet Paper Day by doing another emergency run for Jake...assuming she can keep track of her bag this time. Halloween may have her own toilet paper-related plans that involve driving to a wealthy neighborhood. Don't forget the eggs!

Ms. Barch will be interested to know that today is Women’s Equality Day, and I'm sure she'll have a few words to say on the subject. Let's be honest; I'm sure she has many words to say on the subject. At top volume. To anyone who will listen.

Fandom News!

• View the video that asks, what if Daria was made in 2024?

Amelia Airhead

Quinn is prepped and ready to follow in Amelia Earhart's footsteps by flying solo nonstop across the United States. Earhart's milestone flight began on this day in 1932, and the next day she became the first woman to do just that. For Quinn's sake, I hope the Fashion Club doesn't see what she's wearing. I mean, jodhpurs? With her figure? Not. Done.

Trent, meanwhile, could recreate his attempts to write a used car jingle in honor of International Strange Music Day, but I'm not sure Jane could handle the mystery and suspense. Besides, anything Mystik Spiral plays is "strange music" as far as I'm concerned.

On this day in 2000, a TV Guide Online column came out that talked about the (then) upcoming Is It Fall Yet? movie with Daria. Read on to find out about Daria's admiration for yo-yo tricks!

Fanfic Update!

• Defenestration for Fun and Pleasure, by AFishOnAChemical (COMPLETE!): "Jane is always good at mentioning things off-hand. Important things."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 96): "It was January the 3rd of Somewherelsian year 2118."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "SpiderGirl arrived at the cemetery and looked around her father’s grave. Nothing. 'Good,' she thought."

Warm Up to Sing in that Heavenly Choir!

I don't know who Daria and Jane think they're fooling on Be an Angel Day, but anyone who knows either of them (or has been on the receiving end of their snark) knows better than to believe appearances. I hope Quinn's guardian angel isn't too busy playing his string thing to protect Quinn from any jeans-related emergencies.

In other winged creatures news, today is National Tooth Fairy Day, so be sure to check under your pillow for money. Let's hope Metal Mouth finds a shiny new set of non-metal teeth under his pillow, because he's got to be sick of Cyndi Lauper by now.

Happy birthday to the late Dorothy Parker, who was born on this day in 1893. I don't think there's much doubt that Daria would be a fan, and many would even consider her to be a spiritual successor to the sarcastic writer.

Fandom News!

• Vote in the Deathmatch poll between Yor Briar/Forger and Osaragi.


• cfardell_Brenorenz29 posted a new Iron Chef: Doppleganger Rival.

"What does science know?"

It looks like Al Roker, or a weatherman who looks a lot like him, has a forecast for us all on his 71st birthday. As long as he isn't calling for a hurricane during the big Lawndale High pep rally, everything should be fine.

If the town does get blown away, the rest of us can hunker down in safety and listen to our radios for National Radio Day! Just don't tune into Bing and the Spatula Man if you value your sanity. Radio fans can also check out Ken Tremberth and Erin Mills's collection of "Free Radio Lawndale" fanfics! (Kids, "radio" is what podcasts were back in the olden days.)

Finally, happy birthday to the late author H. P. Lovecraft, born on this day in 1890. Not only was Daria likely a fan of his horror works, welltemperedclavier wrote two Daria/Lovecraft crossovers: "Minds Touched by Madness" and its sequel "Quinn in Yellow."

Fanfic Update!

• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 95): "The white and violet stars twinkled in a crystalline sky, it was december the 27th already and Anna celebrated that everything had worked far better than expected that night!"


• I (Don't) Want to Be a Part of It, by ladyevil (part 10): "'Would you look at that?' Jane said, looking up at the spires of Trinity Church. 'This old Gothic architecture really makes the building stand out next to these glass and steel boxes.'"


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "Straight after they finished their meal, Daria and Jane went to the art staffroom, where they found Ms. Dafoe."


• Star Trek: Voyager Alone, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "USS Voyager NCC 74656 entered the Badlands. She examined the data that her sensors were collecting on the plasma storms."


• Timmy the Bully, by wilddogjj (part 1): "Two of Quinn's three sons, Tommy and Timmy were walking the halls. They were accompanied by their best friend Kevin Junior. The three boys were talking about the upcoming weekend."

"Poems don't even have to rhyme. How easy is that?"

Andrea is ready to entertain everyone with one of her masterpieces for Bad Poetry Day! If you think "entertain" is the wrong word, just keep in mind that the alternative is Quinn "Greasy Fry" Morgendorffer.

I'd even take Quinn's poetry over Jane's singing, though, based on her rendition of "Old MacDonald" in "Jane's Addition," which aired on this day in 1999. That, of course, was the worst thing ever to come out of that episode and I will be taking no questions at this time.

On a suspiciously unrelated note, today is also National Couple's Day, so anyone in a relation-date-ship-thing should spend some quality time together. Tom and his car, however, can just keep his distance from everyone just to be on the safe side.

Strike a Pose!

Helen is getting in touch with her inner diva in honor of Madonna's 67th birthday. For even more Daria/Madonna crossovers, check out the late (and much missed) Kem's The Ten Faces Of Madonna.

Let's also wish a happy birthday to director James Cameron, who was born on this day in 1954. One of Cameron's best-known movies was Titanic, and Mr. O'Neill was able to recreate one of its most famous moments with two different women in "Just Add Water." Of course, one of those women ended up shoved overboard, but no moment is perfect.

Do you know why the punchline crossed the road? To celebrate Tell a Joke Day! Let's hope Jake figures out how to do just that before the end of the holiday.

Fanfic Update!

• But You're a Cheerleader, by Bolshevitch (COMPLETE!): "Lawndale High School student Brittany Taylor is your average all-American girl, red-blooded as they come. She’s captain of the cheerleading team, member of the French club, and an overall frequent face in the halls of our school."


• Dirty Little Secret, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Kevin has just angrily charged into the house while Brittany and her brother, Brian, were taking a stroll down Memory Road."


• Goddamnit, not again!, by Radioactivealien_404 (COMPLETE!): "It was one of those rare, almost pleasant spring evenings in Lawndale, the kind when the light slants just right and the air smells faintly of blooming something-or-other."


• This Springtime Eden, by Bolshevitch (COMPLETE!): "After the show, Brittany still rambles delightedly about the trick with the dove flying out the hat. Daria’s just trying to pick all the feathers out of her hair."

Maybe Jane Still Has That Rollerball

I think that Daria is going to want to celebrate National Tattoo Removal Day now that she and Tom have broken up. On the bright side, now she can get a new tattoo, perhaps one from a magazine. I'm sure Trent has a few she could borrow for inspiration.

Given her pain tolerance (or lack thereof), Daria would probably rather observe Love Your Bookshop Day instead. Doesn't matter if it's a local used bookshop or Books By the Ton; if they sell books then she'll be happy!

Happy birthday to Doc Holliday, who was born on this day in 1851 and is significant to fandom because of his role in the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. Not to be confused with the O.K. to Cry Corral, which was probably far less appealing than being shot at by horse thieves.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Danielle Spencer.

I Suppose You Could Celebrate With Headlocks

I see that Sandi's younger brothers are busy celebrating International Youth Day by trying to kill each other, but I suspect that's not really a special occasion kind of thing. Based on their mutual animosity, I'd be surprised if either of them lived past youth, honestly.

We should wish a happy Middle Child Day to Sam Griffin in particular, though, being the second-born of three kids. Today would also be a day for either Helen or Rita, depending on who you think is the middle kid.

Trent, meanwhile, despite being a middle child, will probably be more interested in observing National Vinyl Record Day, especially if he still has his Zappa albums. "It's a richer tone."

Fanfic Update!

• Dirty Little Secret, by wilddogjj (parts 1 and 2): "Brittany was having a dress fitting at a bridal shop. Quinn, Stacy and Nicole were there as well. Brittany marveled at her reflection in the mirror as the white dress was truly stunning." (Part 2)


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 94): "Everything seemed like just a dream when Lockie Allyngard opened her eyes the following day."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "The teenage girl approached the grave site at sunset while fog was settling in. The headstone read. Jacob Elias Morgendorffer June 23, 1952 – November 4, 2000"

Hot as Helen

I guess Helen likes her toasted marshmallows very well done, but that's fine because it's National S'mores Day and every marshmallow tastes great if you add enough chocolate to it! Just maybe put out the fire before you eat it.

The only problem is that toasting the marshmallow and assembling the s'more is a lot of work, especially for Lazy Day. Trent probably considers this his favorite holiday, although I'm sure he sleeps through it every year.

There won't be any laziness for the Lawndale High Football team, particularly because it's World Lion Day and the Lions can't let down their school! Although they do let it down pretty regularly, like when Kevin hurt his knee and quit the team or purposely blew a play for an assignment or...wait, are we sure Kevin is an asset to the team?

Fandom News!

• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between George Jefferson and Fred Sanford.


• R.I.P., Jim Lovell.

Me-OW!

Mr. O'Neill has chosen an odd way to celebrate International Cat Day, but far be it from me to judge anyone's personal hobbies. Seriously, between this and his antics as the Lawndale Lions mascot, I'm starting to wonder about some of his extracurricular activities....

Setting aside Ms. Barch's current boyfriend, I think it's very likely that her ex-husband is celebrating International Beer Day, perhaps by adding to his pyramid made of "Beers of the World" empties. I'm sure it's an engineering marvel by this point!

On this day in 2011, Racked published "Daria Morgendorffer's Greatest Retail Regret," an interview with Daria about her experience with buyer's remorse. Click the link to hear all about the baggy fleece jumpsuit that Daria regrets buying.

Fanfic Update!

• But You Always Knew the Truth, by riotsquirrrl (part 8): "'I hate writing artist statements,' Jane said, half hanging off her bed with the phone to her ear. It was already turning dark, even though it was only mid-afternoon."

Who's the Copycat Artist NOW?

Daria has gotten in touch with her inner artist in honor of the anniversary of Andy Warhol's birth on this day in 1928. Jane, meanwhile, has gotten in touch with her inner art subject and is probably silently critiquing Daria's technique.

If Trent ever got that job as a farmer paid not to grow crops, then let's wish him a happy Farmworker Appreciation Day! On second thought, we'd better not. It would be a shame to wake him up.

Happy birthday to the World Wide Web, which got its start on this day in 1991! I hope Jake gets the opportunity to log onto the world wide weberverse and check on the panda-cam.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Loni Anderson.

Will the Cookies be Heart-Shaped?

It looks like Helen and Rita are taking the easy route to celebrating National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, but only if the chips are already in the dough. I figure, as long as there are chocolate chip cookies at the end of it, the day has been a success!

Note: this is my general philosophy on life every day.

Just make sure the cookies aren't suspicious, because it's the anniversary of the episode "The Lawndale File" in 1999 and you don't want those mysterious agents to come snooping. Oh, no! What if the cookies look like atomic communists from Mars?

The Call Is Coming From...Helen's Cell Phone!

It appears that Daria is already celebrating Campfire Day, but I don't think that her companions will enjoy the stories she's preparing to share. As long as there are s'mores, I'll be happy to stick around, though!

There will be bonus points if her stories include clowns in honor of National Clown Day, even (or especially) if the clowns are creepy. Even better, they could be dead clowns who (according to Mystik Spiral) can no longer clown. Just don't bother with the crying clown paintings, because Art in the Park has already done that theme into the ground.

On a less humorous note, the infamous episode "Dye! Dye! My Darling" aired on this day in 2000. Like any good scary story, it started with a girl getting into a car that she really shouldn't have entered.

I'm Sure She's More Qualified than Kevin and Brittany Were

I don't think that this Daria alter ego is quite...er...to scale, but it is appropriate for International Lifeguard Appreciation Day. As in, most of the boys at Lawndale High will find themselves appreciating Daria for the first time in their entire lives!

For those not interested in swimming or saving lives, there's always National Mutt Day! All of the dog lovers in fandom should find a nice puppy to cuddle with, and I hope that the Yeagers give Leary whatever-number-they're-on some nice scritches as well.

Fanfic Update!

• Funky Pretty, by MoleFromTheMinistry (part 10): "The most spectacular day for absolutely no one, and an eternal prison for mostly everyone."


• Spider Quinn 17 Tempestuous Origin of Mysterio, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Daria hung up from Jane, who had said that she would be at the Historia an hour before the play started."

The Lady AND the Tiger!

I'm not sure ceramic tigers are really in the spirit of International Tiger Day, but as Mack pointed out, they are grrrrrreat! Jane could take the opportunity to dye her hair with stripes again, but this time she had absolutely better get a professional to do it. No question.

If Jane wants to try a new look, perhaps she should consider celebrating National Lipstick Day instead. It's easier to apply and far less permanent. Daria, meanwhile, could have another "lollipop" to redden her lips if she's going to be spending time around Trent.

Regardless of what else happens today, it's a very good bet that dinner at the Morgendorffers' will include frozen lasagna and why not? It's National Lasagna Day, after all! It's also a day that ends in "Y," which is generally when the family has lasagna for dinner.

Finally, a big thank you to Azul for keeping the blog going while I was gone!

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan.

Á Plus Tard

It's always pretty when you can denude of all pretense and just say, kiss me good-bye. 

My experience with this blog has been the anechoic loud ripple of my thoughts in vitro. It has been fun. 

But there is only so long of yourself you can take without an emetic choke, and I'm crushed under the weight of my own narcissism striated thin into a tat limousine dun and ready to whiplash my throat into applesauce. 

It has been boring as well. 

The state of this community is immutable by time spent in stasis. It's mostly all gone. 

It makes me sad I wasn't there in time to enjoy the show; when it was done I wasn't even born. How time works. 

When I took hold these past two weeks my words felt like me only by xerography; I was told to amount to certain parameters; to scrub the chiaroscuro and make it more claro than scuro. 

If you're a writer then you will know this is a ruin. Not the thought of optimistic idealism, but precisely the cinching of thought that makes prose spill in all the wrong directions. 

All of this with my willing consent of course. Kristen was very kind in her absence to let me scream my words into a megaphone without reproach, and I am very thankful to her. 

My problem is that I couldn't accommodate to the role very well. I am not that person. 

I don't loathe what I have written. I won't perorate over my lack of amour propre like cheap Dorothy Parker imitation. I'm glad I write; I love to have written. 

The piece is Miss Daria Lovett, by Korallrahu. 

Works: 

• "The 1002 Deaths Of Tom Sloane," page ten, by Lady Evil, Indigo, and WacoKid. 
• "Spider Quinn - Tempestuous Origins Of Mysterio, Part Nine," by Cfardell_Brenorenz29. 
• "Scenes No Daria Fanfic Should Ever Have: How Did We Survive?" page seven, by Shiva and Sureia. 
• "Monique," by Radioactivealien_404. 
• "Is It Adulthood Yet?" chapters twenty and twenty-one, by Halliwell_P (Spanish). 
• "I (Don't) Want To Be A Part Of It," chapter ten, by Lady Evil. 

News: 

• Tafka reindexes her husband's work on her website for ease of access.

Wicked Introjection

There are times in life when you're going about your litany like a pastor reciprocrating the will of a God he doesn't know 

and there is this elope. 

A break in incipit cracking the fine silk of routine you were so comfortable in to quander on other topics or things. 

And I know I'm not rebranding a Willstätter synthetic here, but at many intervals there is the cross of thoughts in my mind and I wonder: 

What makes a person? 

Is it the arrangement of cerebral cortex, 

pituitary gland development, 

limbic system's stroke over social coordination? 

I mean the clinical answer is yes, but that's like asking what people think when they die; you know they think something unless it's a Vietnam vet case where taking a step to piss in the wrong bush means your friends are gonna have to rind you off the trees after a landmine's autothysis turned your blood to lacquer. 

But even then maybe you still died thinking of how much you wanted to take a piss and be home already and whatnot. 

Truth is more complicated than reason. 

People are chains of events; recollections carnated in the mind that taut flashbang reactions into a doctor's well-rehearsed cancer diagnosis by exposure. 

I think first there is the biology and from there we make everything else. 

My point is what's wrong with Sandi, you know? And yes I'm aware that I'm scaring you by talking about Daria, but I have to ask where did God put the bullet in her life that makes all she have pale in the face of her sadism: 

Mother, father, 

brothers that often like to frame her patience with her open skin but with whom she can't say there isn't the weight of siblinghood biting her rhetoric to accommodate around something less cruel than sinking her teeth into her friends' spirits to taste the metal 

and tear. 

That she was born that way is the excuser's answer and the one she'd probably give. Because she was conditioned that way. 

Reality is a sad answer if you're lucky. 

Works: 

• "Her Last Words," chapters ninety-one, ninety-two, and ninety-three, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn. 
• "I May Go Pop," chapters four and five, by Tafka. 
• "Am I Employed Yet?" by Ulatekh. 
• "Jodie," by Ulatekh. 
• "Heavenly Wine And Roses," chapter nine, by Riotsquirrrl. 
• "Is It Adulthood Yet?" chapter nineteen, by Halliwell_P (Spanish). 
• "Secrets Of Lawndale - Lawndale Below, Part One," by cfardell_brenorenz29. 

News: 

• Immediate American need for Iran war fodder. 
• Disaac wants proof-readers for his work. 
• Tafka's fair-use exposé of plot scraps. 

Art: 

• A piece confecting The Beauty And The Beast over a Batman template, by Britabird.

T'es Debout Tiens Sur Mon Cœur

Love is a complicated metaphor at the end of a sentence. 

It's not a philosophy to be studied past chemical reactions attached to the brain like carbon black ink under the skin. Not meant to be studied at all. 

It's not a human thing in exclusion, for all worthwhile things feel affection and aversion. 

A mother can love her child, a coward his own life, a drunk the bottle that brings the severance of memory from judgement. 

A little girl the letters from admirers not of her soul but of her body painted in the plain translucent white of the mind that has no boundaries or shame in rearranging it into something naked and afraid. 

People, ecstasy, Calvary; one can love all of these things, fear these things. Because Love is the fear of loss; the prescient memory of pain. 

Of the knowledge that there can come and will come the day the connection won't be there and what will remain is something cruel that spells life is fair only not to you. 

But what the hell do I know? I'm not going to trivialize emotions on a surgeon's table. 

Life is short and even shorter when it's lived. Enjoy. 

Works: 

• "Lawndale, Season Four," chapters eleven, twelve, and thirteen, by WildDogJJ. 

News: 

• Splendora's "You're Standing On My Neck" as manipulated in the season three premiere in the Français version of the show.

Mindless Orations

Today is one of those quiet days. 

The kind when you go to bed and back cannot be sure it really happened and not for a lack of effort to sharpen the nails at the brain's temple scraping for some bright memory of hollow significance but for how empty it was. 

Life's sequentialism is in celluloid colourless; moments left to fill in with the qualia of meaning coated in something flammable and prone to damage. 

Sometimes memories are the most important things we have left and we are to leave. We put ourselves in them in pieces and let other human beings we let close enough to touch reconcile the details as fractured chronograms. 

Like this piece for example: Even though the author is lost in identity but not presence we can rejoice their work twenty-four years later and even more. 

And it's a very pretty dress, a very pretty drawing. It makes me remember of the daydream Daria had imagining a world prettified by 19th century overalls and a sister with whom she could confer and display affection; meditating on this we can infer that this is not an idea but a fantasy. 

One where sororal acrimony dies and what now is there cannot be marred with enmity and discontent. 

In the end, what I'm trying to say is don't push the wrong people away. 

Works: 

• "Is It Adulthood Yet?" chapter eighteen, by Halliwell_P (Spanish).

Requiem For A Quinn

Heavy is the crown that fits heads so dense, and gray the days that Quinn's garbs don't make sharp testament of fashion reflex: 

How does she know that today is Hassanal Bolkiah's birthday? How? Is it because I inserted an image of her leaning in lentor? 

I think after stepping on a Waif with the enamel still fresh synapses flared the charcoal stains in her brain to paint her maudlin in grayscale. 

Very felicitous in any case that it is likewise National Clean Beauty Day. Of course all the week is litany in the same thing to her, but Barbies don't get to be played with when there isn't the reek of kanekalon modacrylic washed over too many fingerprints to count 

and other things I cannot say because I told Kristen I would hold my tongue. By the way I'm not Kristen, in case you didn't read the name. She will be back by the 29th on Tuesday. 

The art is a beautiful rendition by the late Amy Quinn née Whisenhunt, or KemicalReaxion. 

Works: 

• "Is It Adulthood Yet?" chapter seventeen, by Halliwell_P (Spanish).

...and the Horse She Rode In On

Daria has apparently made a new friend in time for National I Love Horses Day, which is really saying something after her less-than-fond memories of horses at Camp Grizzly. Hopefully this time the horse won't throw her in a river and require her to get stitches.

If Jane wants to change up her art medium from gummi bears, today's a great day for it because it's Gummi Worm Day! She should just be sure to either label them clearly or keep them out of Tom's reach when he's feeling peckish.

On a personal note, I will be leaving on vacation soon and will not resume posting until the end of the month. A big thank you to fellow fan Azul for stepping in to post in my absence!

Fanfic Update!

• But You're a Cheerleader, by Bolshevitch (part 3): "In the morning the Sun rises and shines through half-covered windows, but Daria doesn’t want to get up. Along with her slew of usual reasons, a relatively recent addition: she’s beginning to enjoy the company."


• Heavenly Wine and Roses, by riotsquirrrl (part 8): "Jane closes her door on the way into her bedroom. The sound causes Daria to look up in alarm as she realizes that she is alone. In a closed room. In an empty house. On Jane’s bed."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 90): "Avalon and Shadow strode side by side through deep and bright powder snow."


• Mysteries of Aurora, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 18): "Janara and Olivia were looking at the information on the remaining manuscripts. 'Most of these are from the same era,' Janara said."


• Not a Boy, Not Yet a Man, by wilddogjj (parts 1 and 2): "Quinn, Jim, the triplets and Aunt Amy were at the departure section of the main terminal at Philadelphia International Airport. All six of them had suitcases." (Part 2)


• Spider Quinn 17 Tempestuous Origin of Mysterio, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 8): "In the cabin, Jane was growing tired of waiting for rescue. She paused in her umpteenth defense of Daria and looked at the approaching storm."

You Could At Least Pluck it First!

I'm not sure if Mr. DeMartino is celebrating Embrace Your Geekness Day the old-fashioned way or if he's just really, really hungry. Given his financial situation, either is possible. I think Quinn would rather bite the heads off chickens herself than act geeky, but we have more than our share of geeks in fandom so I say flaunt it, everyone!

If raw chicken isn't your thing, might I recommend National French Fries Day instead? Daria and Jane will take theirs with a healthy (or unhealthy, to be accurate) serving of cheese!

At least the turkey legs in "Fair Enough," which aired on this day in 1998, were fully cooked. While you had to eat them with your bare hands and they didn't come with fries, they did make excellent projectiles against poor acting skills.

Born to be Mild

Mack has his hog gassed up and ready for National Motorcycle Day, but I hope Kevin leaves his in the garage. I don't think the Tommy Sherman Memorial Tree/Crutch could take any more punishment. Oh, and his knee might get hurt as well.

Meanwhile, Sandi might decide to swim a few laps in honor of National Swimming Pool Day, especially if she wants to avoid becoming "thinly challenged" again. I'm certain that Quinn will be happy to stand next to the pool and call her a cow--I mean, encourage her.

If Brittany doesn't have anything else going on, she could celebrate Cheer up the Lonely Day by visiting the seniors at Better Days Nursing Home. She could even use literal cheers if she'd like!

Fanfic Update!

• Brittany - Cafe of Contention, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "Brittany thought about what DeMartino said as they moved on. That Ms. Li was lining her own pockets wasn’t surprising. But why were his funds meagre?"


• Greater Love, by arandomshipper (Giveadogabone) (COMPLETE!): "'Oh, Ben's here! Gotta go, guys.' Quinn waved happily to the other members of the fashion club, who watched with narrowed, dreamy, and blank eyes respectively as she flounced over to the car that had just pulled into the school parking lot."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 89): "As Anna Felicia skated with Avalon Skaellafek on Wallerstein Lake, she began to feel like the fear of losing her beautiful Lockie forever was withering away and a huge and terrible weight was slowly disappearing from her shattering back."


• I (Don't) Want to Be a Part of It, by ladyevil (part 9): "'Don’t get me wrong,' Trent sang and played guitar as LaWanda and her girls provided backup. 'Don’t get me wrong now! I only wanna know!' When the song reached its final crescendo, Sal clapped, prompting everyone else to clap."


• Spider Quinn 17 Tempestuous Origin of Mysterio, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 7): "Ninja Talon hadn’t been waiting long on the Hecuba-Croft’s roof when SpiderGirl arrived. 'Ready?' the former asked."

Shallow on the Inside

Quinn is the last person I would have expected to see portraying Courtney Love on the musician's 61st birthday, given that she doesn't seem to be wearing makeup and her hair appears to have very little bouncity-bounce. Mystik Spiral might consider taking her on as a singer, though, and with her (lack of) singing skills she'll fit right in!

However, it was a bad choice for Quinn to wear that outfit today, of all days, because it's Fashion Day and if the Fashion Club sees her wearing "that, that grunge" then her position as vice president will be over sooner than you can say "Hole." It's nice to see that she's finally forgiven our nation's capital, Seattle, for its style transgressions, though.

If you'd rather have a sweet treat than a grunge look, then I have good news for you because it's also National Sugar Cookie Day! Just steer clear of Daria, because her cookies come with a side of super-creepy smiling.

Fandom News!

• Would anyone like to post on the DFB2 blog while I'm on vacation?


• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Adam-12 and The Rookies.


• Check out Shady Doorags's review of "Daria!"

Somehow I Doubt Mystik Spiral Plays This One

Jake seems to be rethinking his decision to celebrate National Dive Bar Day, but at least he's getting out and making friends. I gotta say, a small town like Lawndale having not one, not two, but three dive bars (this one plus the Zon and McGrundy's) seems a little odd. What the heck is going on there?

I think Jake would have been better off celebrating World Chocolate Day instead, or at least he would if he could wrestle any of it away from Mrs. Johannsen. She's not one to tangle with; just ask Mr. DeMartino.

Both the episodes "Road Worrier" and "It Happened One Nut" first aired on this day in 1997 and 1999. There were no dive bars or chocolate in either, but we did see a greasy spoon in the first and peanuts hijacked Trent's brain in the second. "You've hijacked my brain, moth to a flame, if you don't release me it'll really be lame."

Eh. Still needs work.

Fanfic Update!

• Boston Sunset, by Yuuuutong (COMPLETE!): "The luckiest thing in Daria and Jane’s life maybe, after graduating from the senior high school, they went to Boston together."


• But You're a Cheerleader, by Bolshevitch (part 2): "It’s 6am and cold. Biting cold. Like God left his freezer open the whole night. Somehow your high school’s bus lot is never very thermally efficient."


• Daria Enrolls At Nevermore: An Experiment, by Meester_Lee (part 18): "After bringing up their luggage, Helen had an idea. 'Let’s take your bike,' she said. 'I assume that you want me to drive,' said Sirius."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 88): "All of Layndale and the nearby mountains endured three days of storm with heavy snow and lashing winds, and even though daylight had almost disappeared and the temperature had dropped to alarming levels, soon the storm passed as it followed a path to the North and everything began to slowly warm up."


• Telephone, by Bolshevitch (COMPLETE!): "'Picture this, Daria,' Jane leans beside her friend’s locker, watching her take out an armful of textbooks for English next period, 'me, you, and Kannibal Killers 4: the Re-Kannibalizing on VHS.'"

Anyone For a Trip to Bikini Island?

Andrea is just rocking that two-piece for International Bikini Day, but I hope Upchuck doesn't see her. Not because she would be embarrassed but because the boy would probably spontaneously combust on the spot.

Helen won't have time for buying or wearing swimsuits, though, because it's Work-a-holics Day and...well, I guess today won't actually be any different from any other day for her. Still, it must be nice to have your work-related insanity acknowledged one day out of every year!

Finally, it was on this day in 2000 that the episode "Mart of Darkness" first aired. Andrea wore a PayDay smock instead of a bikini, and she found common ground with Jane and Daria!

Don't Compliment That Girls Bathroom Mirror that Adds at Least Two Pounds!

Quinn's having a great Compliment Your Mirror Day, because no one flatters Quinn like...Quinn. This would be an especially bad time for Daria to have that funhouse nightmare, because it would be very difficult to compliment a horrific mutated version of yourself.

I just hope Quinn isn't too busy enjoying her own company to remember that today is also National Independent Beer Run Day and she has pressing duties as Keg Queen. First on the list is to figure out how a fourteen-year-old is going to be able to buy any amount of beer.

Daria will be happy to know that today is the anniversary of the birth of Franz Kafka in 1883. Not only did Daria have a poster of the writer in her room, but The Angst Guy wrote what is likely the only Kafka/Daria crossover, "I Never Metamorphosis I Didn't Like."

Fanfic Update!

• But You Always Knew the Truth, by riotsquirrrl (part 7): "Daria turned her legal pad face-down on Jane’s bed, flopping down fully onto it herself. 'Ugh. Nargh. Feh.'"


• But You're a Cheerleader, by Bolshevitch (part 1): "Daria knows being a good writer will bite her in the ass one day. She’s just hoping it’s a lot further down the line than Friday second period. In fact, it’s not."


• Graduation Ceremony, by Yuuuutong (COMPLETE!): "It’s on Jane’s university graduation ceremony. As an outstanding graduate, Jane headed towards the stage, a surge of strange feeling going down her spine, or maybe, that’s familiar."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 87): "After that delightful night of happiness and fun at Anna's seventeenth birthday, Lockie Allyngard had departed and she had vanished into the shadows of Starlight Castle once again."


• Spider Quinn 17 Tempestuous Origin of Mysterio, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 6): "The third of the previous applicants entered the bookstore. 'Let’s see. Dani Moreno, a sophomore at Lawndale State,' Quinn said."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic Should Have: How did We survive?), by JohnnyJB (COMPLETE!): "Mr. O'Neill: Nice day for a swim, isn't it! Mr. Demartino: Sure it is, except the SHARKS! and the JELLYFISH! and let's not forget the STINGRAYS! the BARRACUDAS! the ANGLERFISH! the EELs! the KILLER WHALES! the WHALE SHARKS! and let's be glad there aren't PIRANHAS or FLESH EATING BACTERIA!"

Who Wants Some Running Back Rocky Road?

Mack and Kevin have the right idea for Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day, as long as the idea is football-themed varieties of ice cream. I am totally ready to try some Firstdown Fudge; anyone else?

Of course, funny flavor names get extra bonus points because today is also International Joke Day! Maybe Jake will finally come up with a good gag to share, or at least figure out when Daria's serious or not.

If Jane's not in the laughing mood, she could always take another trip to see her friend the tiger in honor of American Zoo Day. On the other hand, that might bring back some unpleasant memories. Better stick with some ice cream to cheer her up instead.