What the Girl in the Box Read

Happy birthday to Anna Sewell, who was born on this day in 1820. Sewell wrote the book Black Beauty, which we see Daria reading during one of the flashbacks in "Boxing Daria."

I've often wondered why Black Beauty in particular was chosen for that scene. The message in the book about treating people with kindness seems like something Daria would have her doubts about, and she didn't seem to have any real affinity for horses. Then again, perhaps she was a horse enthusiast right up until she was thrown off one at Camp Grizzly. Whatever the reason, exploring Daria's interest in the book would be a cool fanfic.

And speaking of fanfic, here's the latest!

• Awakening, by Chris Tucker (part 7): "Dr. Slosberg returns to his desk and spends the next 30 minutes writing notes on a legal pad. He speaks with her former therapist in Maryland. Dr Phillips is not greatly surprised by the revelation of her former patient's intentions. They both decide that Daria is strong enough that this repressed memory should be repressed no longer. This will be a major event in her short life. One she needs to deal with."


• Cole Barksdale, by Cap (part 4): "We found Angier and Tom standing in the main parlor. With them was a very old but clearly still vital man with a thick stock of white hair and a massive flowing mustache that served to remind me of the great jurist Oliver Wendell Holmes, junior. He stood ramrod straight next to a woman near his age sitting on a wing armchair. The phrase 'Grand Dame' leapt to my mind despite that she wore only a simple dark blue dress and modest kitten heels."


• Esteemster Series, by TheExcellentS (part 1): "O'Neill: 'New LFC Men's World Champion Tom Sloane defends his title for the first time against the man who many say was robbed of the belt months ago, Michael "Mack" Mackenzie.' Barch: 'Mack was screwed by Upchuck's sneaky tactics in that battle royal, but tonight Tom has given him a fair shot at winning the championship for the second time. You know, because he's such a big, freakin' hero.'"


• Extra Supplies, by untra (part 2): "Tiffany shrugged away from Stacy and sighed with irritation. 'I caaan't be pregnant. I don't waaant to be faaat.' 'You won't get fat, Tiffany,' Quinn lied halfheartedly. 'You'll just get...' Quinn made a hemisphere motion around her abdomen. 'big, is all.'"


• The Girl In Question, by Silver (part 4): "Quinn pulled the trigger once more. The round grazed the thing approaching her, but didn't stop it. Her mind finally came to the understanding that she couldn't hit anything with the gun. Even so, she didn't drop it as she started to flee."


• God Save The Esteem ep25: Exam Nation, by Charles RB (parts 1 and 2): "'Hmmm... That may be the solution, not just the problem. Maybe... Maybe our academically minded students will be willing to assist their more physically-minded peers! Different temperaments and views united by a common goal of learning... and finding common ground.' Ayoade thought briefly about the academically-minded students and their general relationship with the jocks. 'I don't think they'll go for it,' he said. 'Oh, I know the stereotypes and stories, but surely they'll help their fellow teens in their time of need!'" (Part 2)


• Ice Cream Disaffecto (Iron Chef: Bro and QB), byJPAGC (COMPLETE!): "He come to Kevin Thompson's dressing room, knocked and listened. Assorted sounds from behind the closed door meant someone was inside. 'Kevin?' Another indistinct sound. He knocked louder. 'Kevin, the shot's ready!' More sounds, like someone was moaning. Throwing caution to the wind, he opened the door. "


• Its So Not Fair (Iron Chef: Quinn's Trashfreak out), by Vukodlak (COMPLETE!): "Quinn was in full panic mode, she had found when taking out the trash a pregnancy test, now Quinn wasn't sure if the result was positive or negative as evidently the results on that brand would fade over time.* Quinn figured the test couldn't be more than a few days old."


• John Lane 49: Acceptances, by RLobinske (parts 1 and 2): "Daria said, 'Congratulations, Jodie, but you seem reluctant about something.' 'I really want to go to Turner, but my parents have been pushing Crestmore so much, I don't know.' John said, 'But don't they know how much you want to go to Turner?' Mack, said, 'Jodie, have you gotten around to telling them about Turner?' 'No.' 'Ah,' Daria said. 'Now we see the conflict.'" (Part 2)


• Life After Highland (Iron Chef: Lawndale State), by LadieT (part 23): "Quinn was about to start to jump up and down until she saw the look on Daria's face. 'Come on, Daria - this is good news - we should be celebrating.' 'We've been promised the money before, Quinn. I'm not going to celebrate until I see the it in my hands,' Daria said as she walked off. 'It's not like the money can give me back everything I've lost,' she mumbled as she walked up the stairs."


• My Little Daria - Friendship is Arcane (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "'Okay, this is getting even weirder than my usual hallucinations. The voice in my head appears to have voices in its head. I wonder what Dad used to make that berry juice last night?' 'Ahem. If anypony can hear me, please help us.' Daria furrowed her brow in confusion over the choice of terminology, but didn't have time to think about it before the voice continued. 'My name is Twilight Sparkle.'"


• Promises, by LadieT (part 12): "Kevin nodded. 'Do you happen to know if any of the houses around here are for sale? I want to be around more for her. If it hadn't been for Jeff my second senior year, I would have never graduated. I know that I could never replace him as her dad, but I think it might help Cleo if Uncle Kevvy was around more.' 'I think that if you did decide to move around here, she will be driving us crazy to come see you - but we didn't have that far of a trip to begin with. So, after dinner, we can help you check around,' Jane said."


• Questions Asked Questions Answered & Pizza w/ Jane Ch 3, by Lord Yellowtail (part 2): "Bubbles Utonium, refugee from another dimension stranded courtesy of Stargate Command screwing around with the Quantum Mirror one too many times, grinned widely at her, revealing perfect ivory teeth and sickeningly adorable dimples. 'Heya, Daria.' Bubbles' smile faltered. 'Your body sounds like -- oh, Daria, you look like a Smurf right now, don't ya?' she trilled worriedly. Daria hated when she made Bubbles do that."


• Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (part 44): "The cupboards and countertops were grubby and the stove looked like it had seen better days. A guy was sitting at one of the butcher-block style tables reading a book. From where Daria stood, it looked like it was about typography. He looked up. The man's ice-blue eyes and curly light-brown hair fascinated Daria. She looked over at her friend: Jane was positively swooning."


• Remembrance, by HolyGrail2007 (prologue): "'What is it?' Jamie asked, but he didn't really have to. For, once he got up to the clearing, and the mist seemed to fade away, he could see that there was someone here. The clearing held one tree, in contrast to the others trees all around it. Lying underneath the tree, propped up very delicately leaning up against it, was a woman. Her eyes were shut completely and she didn't move one bit."


• Rude Awakening: Episode 2, by DIsaac (parts 5 and 6): "JANE: Don't you writers love wondering about 'what if' scenarios? DARIA: Sorta, but people can't live in 'what if?' land. They got to think 'what's next?' Do I have regrets? Hell Yes, but all people do. Though those experiences made me the person I am." (Part 6)


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "A light cough makes my heart skip a beat when I reach the end of the aisle. A very distinctly human noise, and suddenly I wonder if David might have gotten here ahead of me and is now lying in wait to ambush me. I still don't want to kill him, of course, but I can't just let him attack me, so I pull out my bat and shove the shotgun into its vacated spot in my pack. I've got no qualms at all with knocking him the hell out at this point." (New part)


• Searching For a New Hope, by thatLONERchick: "'That's it.' Daria stood, and Jane followed her. 'I won't say a damn thing about your changing the poster—if.' She turned and pinned Ms. Li with a hard brown eye. 'If you can honestly tell me no student has ever committed suicide in the history of Lawndale High, and back it up with facts. Then, you can do whatever you want with it.' Daria and Li stared at one another across the room for what seemed like centuries. After only about thirty seconds of objective time Li looked away, and Daria nodded."


• Stand or Fall (Iron Chef: Quinn's Trashfreak out), by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "As she was jostling the bags around, Quinn heard something falling out of one of the bags. She looked down to see not only a used pregnancy test, but a used POSITIVE pregnancy test. Her eyes began to rapidly blink as she processed the information her brain had just received. Someone who either lived in her house or stayed over at her house this weekend was pregnant."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Bro and QB), by DIsaac (COMPLETE!): "MACK: Hello, Mike Mackenzie one half of the founders of QB and Bro Ice Cream. You may be wonder why I am in an open field with Kevin, the Other founder of this company, dressed in football pads? KEVIN: Yeah, why I am doing this again?"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Bro and QB), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'Hi, I'm Bro!' 'I'm the QB!' 'We've just released 4 new flavors of Ice Cream, including Touchdown Fudge Round and Running Back Snack!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Bro and QB), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "'Hi, I'm Michael Mackenzie, but you can call me Bro. Here at Bro and QB Ice Cream, we put our product through rigourous taste testing procedures to ensure that only the best ice cream makes it to your local freezers. Let's go see it now.'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Quinn's Trashfreak out), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Quinn left the room, and Jane looked at Daria seriously. 'Are you sure she doesn't know?' 'I don't see how she can,' Daria said softly. 'I mean, there's just no way.' 'I hope not, because this is going to be hard enough as it is. Have you thought of what you're going to tell Tom?'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "Helen looked at the three girls that were seated around the kitchen table and sighed. 'Daria, Jane, Monique, this constant angst between the three of you has got to stop,' Helen said as she consulted her notes. 'The only resonable solution is that you share the objects of your affections.'"


• Whispers in the Night: D&J, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Daria blinked; she knew that voice, and it was not one she associated with poetry. But then, Quinn accumulated admirers form every sector. She leaned forward a bit farther, eyes straining to focus on the blurry figure below. No specific features came to light, but he recited as one would Shakespeare: hand to the chest, one arm extended to the side as though the verse were an aria lovingly sung to an object of adoration."

And If You Ask Nicely, They'll Even Thaw Out the Bread!

Happy National Mom and Pop Business Owners Day, everybody! Today we take time to appreciate people like Earl and Barbara (from "Camp Fear"), with their simple, wholesome cheese sandwiches and non-dip-fighting potato chips. Just try not to swallow the cellophane as you check out the latest in fandom news.

• Wouter recently attended a vintage guitar show and has posted pictures.


• If you have an opinion on the upcoming UK Elections, post it in the thread!


• In movie news, there are threads in the Weapons of Mass Distraction forum for Disney/Pixar Cars 2, Atlas Shrugged - The Movie, and Iron Sky.


• Daria827 is looking for links to any Daria/Trent stories. Post your recommendations!


• Brother Grimace is looking for help with Welsh speaking patterns and common phrases.


• Charles RB posted a new Iron Chef in the Creative Writing forum: Bro and QB.


• Chris Tucker posted a new Iron Chef in The Easel forum: MERCHANDISING!

Guest-Assisted Caption Contest!

The picture for today's caption contest was provided by Arena del Sur. Thanks!

As usual, post your caption ideas in the comments!

Bonus Points If Your Holiday Is Traditionally Celebrated with Cake!

Today is Make Your Own Holiday Day! This would be an excellent opportunity to add a new student to the ranks of Holiday Island High School, so go nuts. Please, though, no Mary Sue Appreciation Days. Let's spare Holiday Island at least one horror, okay?

I, meanwhile, will be celebrating Fanfic Update Day!

• Awakening, by Chris Tucker (part 6): "'Look, I know how you feel about your appearance. I understand why. And if I think about why for too long, I'll start crying. I would never, EVER pressure you to do something you don't want to do. But you did think about it, right? You wondered what you might look like. You thought about it, with that big old brainy brain of yours, and you didn't reject the idea out of hand.'"


• Bad Communication (Iron Chef: Helen's Trash Freakout), by Hyrin (part 2): "'No, Jane is not pregnant. Neither is Daria. And if I hear any rumors of either of them being pregnant, I'm going to burn your entire wardrobe and replace it from Goodwill!' 'That's fair, mom,' Quinn said, fighting to keep a growing panic from her face. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call.'"


• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Despite planning on leaving early in the morning for Montana, Daria crawled into the covered back of her pickup and retrieved a photo album. Inside the house, she sat on the sofa and flipped through photos of her and Quinn as small children. 'Dammit.' She closed the album and lowered her head. Dammit.' So instead of spending her final night there in a bed, she spent the final night on the sofa, holding the album close to her chest."


• Daria/Dorian Ch. 14: Hair Dye On The Highway, by LadieT (part 3): "A few moments later, Jane walked into the living and Dorian's mouth went dry. Stacy had shaped Jane's bangs to fit a little more around her face and the subtle streaks of blonde through-out made Jane's hair glisten in the light. Dorian was quickly losing the battle with his hormones, he glanced down and quickly ran upstairs. Jane studied him for a moment as he dashed past her."


• Esteemster Series Teaser 2, by TheExcellentS: "O'Neill: 'Quinn off the ropes... could be an attempt at Quinnception... Daria counters!' Defoe: Daria's got her up again... I think this is it!' O'Neill: 'SPLENDORA BOMB!!! SPLENDORA BOMB!!! We could have a new champ, Claire!'"


• The Girl In Question, by Silver (part 3): "'Dear mom and dad: This field trip was the worst idea you've ever had. I mean it. The bus was totaled by an explosion, my clothes are ruined, and it's just all gone to hell. Literally. I mean it. I think I just saw one of the shadows eat a raven.'"


• Kevin and the Fair Maidens (A LoLH Mini: Kevin and the Knights), by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "Grinning like a fool he stood in front of a hot babe and introduced himself. She wasn't as well endowed as Brittany and not as cute as Quinn and the tattoo on her face was kind of a turn off, but damn was her body tight and her eyes pretty. 'Hi, I'm Kevin of Quarterback. Wanna make out?' He totally missed the warning gestures his fellow knights were giving him and the shocked looks the other girls were wearing."


• Kevin and the Horse (A LoLH Mini: Kevin and the Knights), by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "'Lennart my dear friend, how is it going?', he asked when he reached the fence and leaned on it, next to another knight. This one was not as lanky but much more heavily build, more like a wrestler than a runner. The asked one snorted. 'See for yourself.' 'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NICE HORSIE NICE HORSIE!!!'"


• Lawndale Seven Chapter Two, by Wassersauefer (part 3): "Growing up on the Mars colonies she was a fleet brat from the moment she was born, her father in the fleet, her mother in the fleet and she herself going to a school sponsored by the fleet. As soon as she had been old enough she enrolled in the academy and got accepted into the ground forces of the Alliance. Not the fleet but the next best thing and she liked it better anyway. Yes, Janet Barch had been a proud citizen of the Terran Alliance. The emphasis on had been."


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 6: Model Misbehavior, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Daria walked. Inside her mind, she could hear her voice of Reason, very faintly, telling her that this was a bad idea. Another voice, that of Temper, had finally managed, after many years of struggle, to drown out Reason, and was not going to give up its moment in the spotlight." (Part 6)


• The Meeting, by Erin M. (part 1): "'Who called the meeting?' 'Guess,' Daria said. 'Who's called every pointless meeting for the last year?' 'Oh bloody hell,' Nigel huffed, taking his seat at the table. 'Is he still on about that?'"


• Rude Awakening: Episode 2, by DIsaac (parts 2 - 4): "BURNOUT: Daria, if you think you're bad, then you need to listen to Stacy try to fit as much 'Hard Rock' at 6pm as humanly possible. Then, try to think of her being Boston's Sweetheart, too. JANE: As long as they don't take her to a bar in New England. Then all bets are off." (Part 3) (Part 4)


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "I stand back up and reach into my back jeans pocket to pull out the engraved lighter I picked up in the gym. I stare at it in surprise for a second. I had completely forgotten about it when I was switching everything out to the backpack, but now it's lit the figurative light bulb above my head. The orbs are a puzzle, and I already have the key. I flick the lighter to life and hold it under the wooden orb. It takes a few minutes, but the wood finally catches and the flames begin to lick up its polished sides. I then turn to the metal orb and- Uh-oh." (New part) (Newer part) (Newest part)


• Searching For a New Hope, by thatLONERchick: "Jane sat up straight, suddenly energized, and grabbed another slice. 'You help me come up with an idea that fits the theme, and we both get credit for it.' Daria bit her lip, head tilted in thought. "Mm, I dunno. What did you have in mind?' 'Hm.' Jane chewed slowly as she rolled a thought around in her head. 'I want to say something. Not just anything, something... relevant. I want to make a statement.'"


• Two Halves: Chapter 6, by Dark Kuno (part 5): "'MR LANE! What policy was initiated to assist nations under threat of hostile takeover by Communist governments?!' bellowed Mr. DeMartino rapidly into the sleeping man's ear. 'The Truman Doctrine!' yelled Trent instantly as he leapt to his feet and looked around confused. 'CORRECT, as always Mr. Lane,' congratulated DeMartino with an almost feral grin. 'One day, I swear, I will figure out how you AWAYS manage to give the correct answer to a question despite your EXTREME narcoleptic proclivity.'"


• We3, by Ranger Thorne (parts 5 - 10): "'Okay.' Looking at her family, Daria said, 'Uh, I'll be right back. I just want to put this away before the embarrassing familial activities begin.' 'Embarrasing what?' Jake asked Helen. 'Hugs, Jake,' she replied. 'Before we give her hugs.'" (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10)

"Just like a man to be there one minute and gone the next!"

On this day in 1874, the magician/escape artist Harry Houdini was born. Upchuck's daring escape during the magic show in the episode "Life in the Past Lane" was presumably an attempt to emulate the performer, although I think even Houdini himself would have chosen to stay locked up once Ms. Barch started yelling and kicking the trunk.

Fandom News!

• MJPollard has joined the smartphone generation. Have you?


• A new poll in the Weapons of Mass Distraction forum: which Sonic do you prefer? (The Doctor's screwdriver, but discussion of the video game is also acceptable!)


• Arena del Sur has a question about the real Mystik Spiral and offers a new clue in the "Where is Lawndale" topic.


• Pashupati is looking for help tracking down a Graveyard School/Daria crossover.

Quinn Probably Has the Same Reaction to Cotton-Poly Blends

On this day in 1905, Joan Crawford was born. Jodie, doing her best Crawford impression on the left, asks us all to remember that she prefers non-wire hangers as birthday gifts, please.

New Fanfic!

• Awakening, by Chris Tucker (part 5): "'Miss Morgendorffer, for someone who has endured and survived what you have endured and survived, trusting someone is difficult, trusting a stranger, who will be making you confront and understand and it is to be hoped, overcome your problems, it is even more difficult. I must EARN that trust! I will not lie to you, ever. You will see that there are no notepads. I will not take notes tonight. There are no hidden recorders. This is just two people conversing. And we start by you asking me anything you'd like about myself.'"


• The Black Boots (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Inside, a few odds and ends actually attracted Daria's attention, but she kept her focus and examined the boots in stock. Most were not to her liking and even fewer would fit her small foot. Near the end of the aisle, she spotted a pair of above the knee, cuffed, black boots. They were made of very fine grade leather, polished to perfection and by all apparences, flawless."


• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (parts 12 and 13): "Daria moved quickly when she heard the telephone ring. 'Hello.' 'Hi, Daria,' Quinn said. 'I made it. I survived. I passed my last final.' For one of the few times in her life, Daria felt real happiness. 'Congratulations, Quinn. I can't wait to see your graduation.' 'That means a lot to me.'" (Part 13)


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "Joe Biden: Hey, it's like that scene from the 'Karate Kid'! Sensei John Kreese: (sliding down a rope) No! It’s nothing like that stupid scene. For one, my men aren’t in skeleton costumes. They are in zebra camo uniforms for savannah warfare, specially designed so they can blend into herds of zebras and ambush enemies. Starfire: Even I think that is the stupid."


• General Semantics, Private Angst, by gwrtheyrn (part 37): "'We need to get our hands on that Distorter, today, if we can. Configured the way it is, it's one of the few Imperial devices in the Solar System that has no plausible deniability. The League needs it, for evidence.' Daria was crying, now -- silent tears of bitter grief and fury. 'The League! They've let Enro move to take over a star system without so much as issuing a warning. They're useless imbeciles, as far as I can see,' she said, angrily."


• God Save The Esteem ep24: Write in the Nads, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Punk music had failed him, he knew: he'd let himself think there was another way than getting whacked down and doing what he was told and failing, let himself think he could rebel. He never would again. Then he went out one day and saw a green-haired babe in ripped denim everythings and pierced nose and high leather boots walking down the street towards him. 'It's a sign,' he whispered. 'IT'S A SIGN! I WAS BEING TESTED LIKE THAT GUY WHO HAD HIS KIDS KILLED! I SEE THE LIGHT!' Young Helen immediately headbutted the creepy screaming religious guy." (Part 5)


• Last Dance (Write-off challenge 9 round 2), by Dennis (part 1): "Daria woke as if in a dream. Standing over her bed was a shortish, but handsome young man in a light green jacket with dark green slacks and a white shirt. The logical part of her mind said she should scream, but that part didn't seem to be in control. Besides, the impish expression on his face made him easily recognizable. 'Paddy,' she whispered, as she sat up in bed. 'Hello, my sweet Daria,' said the spirit of St. Patrick's Day, his brogue soft and lilting."


• Life After Highland (Iron Chef: Lawndale State), by LadieT (part 22): "The next day, Daria, Jane, and Trent were sitting in the Lanes' kitchen talking about the night before. While Daria was explaining the cut on her hand, Trent's mind began to wonder back to their conversation in front of the Zon. So many broken pieces. Daria, why do I feel like you're going to be the hardest to put back together?"


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 6: Model Misbehavior, by Hyrin (parts 3 and 4): "Then Daria came out and the scouts dropped their jaws. Her hair was pulled back in a French braid, and she wore only a small amount of makeup: pink lipstick, light eyeshadow, and a touch of blush. Her boots had been replaced by black flats, and in place of her normal ensemble she wore a black skirt that ended below the knees and a forest green blouse. Her glasses were firmly in place, and were the only thing that allowed anyone to identify the girl." (Part 4)


• Promises, by LadieT (part 11): "When they finally woke up, Jane walked into Cleo's room to find her bed empty. She looked out on the porch and saw Cleo and Jake fingerpainting. Laughing at the green nose Jake was now sporting, Jane headed for the kitchen. Helen was sitting at the table reading the paper. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Jane sat next to her mother-in-law in silence. Helen looked over at Jane for a moment before moving her glance to the table."


• Questions Asked, Questions Answered, & Pizza with Jane Chapter 3, by Lord Yellowtail (part 1): "Daria pressed the crown of her head against the aphid-white wall of the shower, letting the near-scalding water pummel her bruised flesh into ... into ... something too relaxed and spongy to hurt this bad. Especially after the three Advil she had tossed into her Ultra Cola, which should kick in any time now, please. A little stomach bleeding never hurt anyone. Except the ones that bled to death."


• Rude Awakenings Chapter 1, by DIsaac (COMPLETE!): "I told Daria to call Sandi for that reason. Sandi may have be a bitch and a Type A personality, but she is driven as hell and she know the media market better then anyone else in this city. I wanted her to give her that message that Daria was getting screwed royally by WHUB and should be a confrontation coming with Rally. Well she did her research and got her facts together to nail him hard." (Part 4)


• Rude Awakening: Episode 2, by DIsaac (part 1): "JANE: (Barley containing laughter) Like them a little big and juicy there, Upchuck. Daria, come look. DARIA: Can't it be unseen? JANE: You won't know if you don't see it."


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "Jane did a quick jazz hands shake and said: 'Why, I'll have you know My personal taste is as sophisticated as anyone else's. Come over here and check out My special pond.' 'Whoa! Jane, are those what I think they are?' 'Your eyes do not deceive you, Daria. Yes, these are My specially bred ornamental dwarf manatees....'"


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "I walk up to the office window and try to peer in through the now-scratched and scarred glass. Like before, it appears to be mostly empty. The desks have been replaced by fold-out tables, and a Health Drink sits on one of them. Trap? Trap."


• Summer Fling, by GingerLove84 (COMPLETE!): "DARIA (eyebrow raised): Who said I'm coming back once I leave? (Everyone stares at her in shock.) JANE: Not coming back? DARIA: I'm sure Raft has plenty of summer courses to keep me busy. JANE: You're serious, aren't you? (The guys all look away uncomfortably. Jesse frowns again and turns to the Tank, closing up the cooler.)"


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "(Upchuck comes flying into the room, crackling with Kirby Dots) Upchuck: 'Engarde, Mister Sloane!' (The two boys face off) Upchuck: 'I'm Daria's first Fanfic Boyfriend! Let our fight - BEGIN!'"


• Unnamed story (Long Story Challenge #2), by untra (part 1): "Daria began to stammer, and her breathing hastened. 'This has to be altered somehow... How can... Oh my god...' Jane peered over her shoulder and saw just what made her friend's eyes bulge. 'Daria,' Jane whispered, trying to suppress the laughter bubbling out of her. 'Since when do you own a fur bikini?'"


• We3, by Ranger Thorne (parts 1- 4): "Daria's monotone had been a key tool in making the other poker players react in ways to show how good their hands were. The large pile of money in front of her was testament to how successful that and her usual controlled expression had been. 'No, I gotta, wait a minute.' Standing, the blond-headed 19-year-old went to where his backpack was sitting. Lifting the small case that was lying beside it, he returned to the table. 'How about some collateral?'" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


• Worldburner: They Were Nine, by Erin M. (part 5): "She glared down at Upchuck, fixing him with a bright orange stare. 'Any other pointlessly stupid attempts at heroism before I fry you?' 'Not from me,' Upchuck said, with a smirk. There was a massive crash of metal on metal and NegaJane whirled around just in time to be buried under books and the metal bookshelf that had been tilted over onto her. Upchuck crawled out from under the table as Brittany appeared from where she had shoved the bookcase, smiling brightly."

"I think I feel a poem coming on. (burps) Sorry, false alarm."

It's World Poetry Day! Quinn would like to share the following poem, as read by Jeffy:

The greasy fry,
It cannot lie;
Its truth is written
On your thighs.

Let's all just take a moment to let the brilliance sink in, shall we?

Okay, enough of that. Now for the latest fandom news!

• The Recipe Exchange Thread has been revived! Share your favorites there.


• tafka is looking for any fellow pole students to share with.


• Discussion is underway about Green Lantern: The Animated Series and other comic book-related subjects.


• Have you seen the Dr. Who Comic Relief Special? Share your thoughts in the thread!


• A new game in the Weapons of Mass Distraction forum: guess the cartoon character.


• CR85747 started a thread to talk about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.


• Filming has started on the movie The Hobbit. Any thoughts?

An Unexpected Soldier

Seven years ago, in the late (and much missed) Guy Payne's fanfic Kadhimiya, Private Quinn Morgendorffer was killed in action. A sad but excellent story.

Today is also International Earth Day, not to be confused with Earth Day in the U. S.

New Fanfic!

• The Alien Invasion of Lawndale! (Esteemsters, by Lee and Kirby), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Daria: [thought balloon] 'Is this to be my fate? To always be overlooked? To live forever in the shadow of my popular sister? (Sigh.) How long can this last? Will it ever end? Is this to be my destiny?' AND ON THAT DAY, DARIA'S LONELY SHADOW MARCHED HELPLESSLY TOWARDS HER FATE - BUT LITTLE DID SHE KNOW THAT LIFE CAN GET BETTER...OR WORSE!! FOR DARIA AND QUINN FOR THE FIRST TIME WOULD COME FACE TO FACE WITH THE DEVIOUS MS. LI!!"


• Awakening, by Chris Tucker (parts 3 and 4): "'Hello, Dr. Slosberg? This is Daria Morgendorffer... what? Yes, I'm out of the hospital. I got the message from Dr. Phillips about you. Yes, this evening, if that's convenient for you. Thank you. Uh, in about two hours, maybe. I really need a shower and something to eat. That time's good for me. It's alright if I bring someone along? Of course, thanks! I'll see you then. Thank you!'" (Part 4)


• Bad Communication (Iron Chief: Helen's Trash Freakout), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Helen sat at the table, staring into a cup of coffee. This can't be happening, she thought."


• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (parts 10 and 11): "The early evening quiet disturbed Daria. She had to admit that she missed hearing her sister moving around the house, even if it was her talking on the telephone or watching the latest boy-band videos. She turned on the Forecast Channel for some background noise and retreated to her computer. After looking at the monitor for a minute, she started to type." (Part 11)


• Camp Feed (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "Daria waddled up to the grill, plate in hand, dodged the man wielding the metal spatula, and snatched up four hamburgers before he could blink. 'Hey! What are you doing?' he protested. 'Hunting for my dinner, and I only plgghkhwheet.' The last part of her sentence was muffled as she shoved one of the patties into her mouth. (She was watching her carbs, so no buns for her)."


• Daria/Dorian Ch. 14: Hair Dye On The Highway, by LadieT (parts 1 and 2): "Jane came bounding down the stairs, took Dorian's hand, and ran back up to her room. Dorian stared at the picture Jane had drawn of herself and felt his knees go weak. Turning to Jane, he pulled her into a warm embrace and kissed her. After breaking the embrace, Dorian looked back at the painting. I was thinking about trying this look out for when I leave for Ashfield,' Jane said as they stood there admiring her work." (Part 2)


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "Kim Probable: Look, can you please bring reinstate me? Sensei John Kreese: You know I would in a heartbeat, but that decision is not for me to make. Kim Probable: Can't you speak to Marty in HR?"


• Don't Look Back (Long Story Challenge #2), by thatLONERchick (part 1): "Katie positively vibrated with excitement, her red curls practically shivering with tension as an ecstatic smile split her freckled face. 'It's about your sister!' All levity immediately vanished from Summer's countenance. Her eyes blue steel, she grabbed Katie's arm and started dragging her down the hall. 'Come on.'"


• Esteemster Series Teaser 1, by TheExcellentS: "DeMartino: 'Ladies AND gentlemen, the following CONTEST is scheduled for ONE fall. Introducing FIRST, fighting out of Hollywood, California... representing The Fashion Club, this is SANDI... GRIFFIN!!!'"


• Extra Supplies (Iron Chef: Helen's Trash Freakout), by untra (COMPLETE!): "'While I was taking out the trash... I found this.' Helen raised the pregnancy test before both girls and showed them the blurred result window. Their eyes widened in surprise, and Helen continued. 'Now, I won't be mad,' she lied, 'but I want to know who's this is.' Daria swallowed hard and opened her mouth to speak, but Quinn already had the first words in. 'Mo-om! You can't honestly believe me or one of the fashion club members could actually be pregnant! That is so-' 'It's mine,' Daria interrupted. Both mother and sister turned towards the blushing redhead, and she quickly continued. 'Well, its not mine, it's actually Jane's- it's... Umm... Oh damn.' Daria took a deep breath and stood up."


• Flynn at 1111 Glen Oak (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 4): "'You want to know my plan, don't you?' Doofenshmirtz asked. He pressed a button on a different remote and a section of wall rolled up, revealing Sandi confined in a large cage. 'Like, let me out you monster!' she said. 'No, Ms Griffin, your teenage popularity is part of my scheme to take over the TRI-STATE-AREA!' Doofenshmirtz said."


• The Food Worrier (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "'What am I sitting on?' Daria asked, a little too enthusiastically. She stood up and turned so that Jane could see what she had sat on. Jane took a moment to reply, because she was struck silent upon seeing Daria's ass, and marvelled at how she had somehow found jeans large enough to fit her. Then, she peeled the offending article off her derriere."


• The Girl In Question, by Silver (part 2): "Her eyes drifted over the scene around her. The girl was gone, vanished. Aside from the wail of distant sirens, the world around her was oppressively silent. Quinn kicked at a turned-over desk and sighed. A slight glint of something caught her eyes, and she knelt down, brushing aside dust and debris. 'A locket?'"


• God Save The Esteem ep24: Write in the Nads, by Charles RB (parts 2 and 3): "'Aha! Found a writing blog! And yep, it's the book blurb! There's excerpts here...' The girls read one of the excerpts. 'We just found the smoking gun, as well as the smoking bazooka, the smoking crater, and a wonderful new way for bulimics to purge themselves.'" (Part 3)


• How to Train Your Daria, by Hyrin (part 3): "'Daria?' 'Yes, Jane?' 'How exactly did this become a good idea?' 'It really isn't. We're trying to use a piece of rope to lasso a firebreathing creature that is only marginally less threatening than that substitute Ms. Li found last year.'"


• The James Lane Chronicles Chapter 5, by InvisibleDan (COMPLETE!): "He remembered the feeling of regret that he couldn't protect Daria. Daria, he thought. That's what this is about. All he knew was that somehow she had been part of what had been bringing him down, but he had no idea how. Once he caught his breath, he started back down the street going back the way he came."


• Life After Highland, by LadieT (part 22): "Brittany and Jane watched as the anger washed over Daria. Closing her eyes, Daria leaned against her car. Balling her hand into a fist, she began to repetitively hit her driver's side door. Each blow hit harder than the previous one. Daria caught the edge of the door handle, causing the side of her hand to rip open."


• LLH Alternate Future - 07 - The Future We Choose/Anticipate This, by psychotol (COMPLETE!): "He then noticed a crater with some scraps of grey plastic, there were even strands of black plastic connecting the grey plastic, possibly PVC electrical tape wrapped around a grey plastic container. Looking back under the tractor, he also noticed a pair of twisted wires, blown back by the explosion, probably leading back to whoever initiated the blast. This was all looking very consistent with a certain EOD device Alford Industries had developed for disrupting car bombs. He barely raised his radio to his mouth before he was knocked out."


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 5: Shop Til You Drop, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'Thanks, Monique. Bye.' Jane hung up the phone and turned to see Helen setting the over to cook that night's lasagna. 'Monique? Did they hear from your parents?' 'Technically, no. They heard from the federal marshals who are looking for them.'" (Part 4) (Part 5)


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 6: Model Misbehavior, by Hyrin (parts 1 and 2): "The Morgendorffer family sat in the living room waiting for Jane. She had a painting set up on an easel in the living room, but it was covered by a blanket. 'How long do we have to wait?' asked Quinn impatiently. 'Until Jane comes down,' Helen said. 'She's been working on this painting for quite a while, and wanted to unveil it for us.'" (Part 2)


• A Matter of Principal (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane were walking home from school. So, who would you marry?' Jane held up a hand, all but two fingers folded down. 'Sir Topham Hat or King Friday?'"


• New Faces, New Adventures, by Shiori Sohma (part 1): "The two head downstairs then open the fornt door once they got to it. Standing outside was a boy around Jane's age and a girl around Trent's age. The girl had short, bit spikey like red red hair and blue eyes where the boy had black hair with white bangs and both were dressed in a kinda gothic, rocker, punk like style."


• Promises, by LadieT (part 10): "'Aunt Daria, why doesn't Grandma love you anymore?' 'Because she didn't want me to marry Aunt Jane.' Cleo was quiet for a moment. 'Mommy says you are a lot happier when Aunt Jane is around. Why doesn't Grandma want you to be happy?' 'I don't know. Good night Cleo,' Daria said as she turned off the bedroom light."


• Psychopomp and Circumstance, by Jim North (parts 1 and 2): "Jane's hand, weak and shaking like a broken bird, lifted up almost of its own accord and placed itself on Daria's cheek. 'I-' she said, and then nothing. The hand dropped to the ground and a soft rattle sounded deep in her throat. Jane Lane was dead." (Part 2)


• Quinn's Code - 02: Invite of the Geek, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "'Cool! Lets go see what you have to wear,' Quinn said. 'I hope you're not going to go overboard?' Cindy asked, with slight concern as she lead Quinn upstairs towards her bedroom. 'Depends on what you call "overboard",' Quinn said. Cindy held back a sigh."


• Rude Awakenings Chapter 1, by DIsaac (parts 1 and 2): "Now, stop and think for a sec? How did Daria Morgendoffer and Jane Lane end up on the radio and hosting a Hit Morning show? Well, I can answer that. You see I'm the producer of the show. My name is Jenny Burns or Burnout as you hear a lot around here. you may of remember my previous show, Bing and the Spatula Man or "Mental in the Morning" Last I heard They over at a classic hits station, Sky 98.7. I didn't move to the show for a good reason. A Very good reason." (Part 2)


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "'O.K., Jane, how long does one keep doing this God business?' 'Well, theoretically, amiga, there are no term limits, but, after a while, everybody gets bored. Admittedly, once in a while somebody does it for a few eternities, but, basically, you stay at it too long, you get hung up on details, burn out and go seriously eccentric. Then you wind up aimlessly pushing a shopping cart in a heavenly WalMart, mumbling to yourself, asking what it all really means and wondering if you left the garage door open.'"


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "Okay, so I've learned something valuable here. It isn't just that new things have been placed in my way. Old things have also been taken away. Or perhaps it's something more than that. Mordecai clued me in on the fact that the real world hadn't changed, but instead I had been taken to a sort of separate reality, the Fog World. Logically, I think I can assume that it's happened again and I have been taken to some other world that is as removed from the fog as the fog is from the regular world."


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "BUT IN A SCHOOL WHERE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS Van Driessen: '(bored) ...and that's what actualising your potential means.' O'Neill: 'Ohhhhhhh...' THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET VERY BAD" (Continued here)


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by gwrtheyrn (COMPLETE!): "In a forested area, far from town, three sombre men had gathered at a tragic scene. Tim, the eldest one present, took a few photos, crying more and more openly the while. Dr Mackenzie sighed. 'Oh, Tim.'"


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by HeirOfNorton (COMPLETE!): "Jaques wrote a number down on a slip of paper, and I keyed in a number in Switzerland from memory. 'Time to do some business,' I said to the man on the line as soon as he picked up. 'We can't help you anymore,' came the very unwelcome response. 'Excuse me?' 'We got a burn notice on you. You've been blacklisted. You're on your own.' Click."


• Will Ye Go Lassie, Go? (Write-off challenge 9 round 2), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "'Top o' the day, my bonnie lassies!' St. Patrick's Day greeted with a bow and smile. He wore an ironed linen shirt, white with short sleeves, the tails hanging out in a casual manner over his kilt. A clover blossom peeked out of the breast pocket. 'I was wonderin', if it not be too bold, if either of you fine ladies would do me the honor o—' 'NO!' Daria yelled, pointing a finger at Pat and backpedaling frantically."

Hooray! It's Friday!

Hope your weekend is a good one. If it isn't, then I hope your next weekend is a good one instead! As for me, I'm going to share the latest fandom news and then celebrate the end of a very long work week.

• The Angst Guy started a thread to discuss the crisis with Japan's nuclear reactors.


• VPrad has returned from his absence from the PPMB and has news to share.


• Dervish has a question about the US Army and Marines.


• Discussion has begun about the elections coming up in Finland.


• arenadelsur has two questions about Apocalypse Now.


• What are your favorite genderflip fanfics?


• Vukodlak has posted a new Iron Chef in the Creative Writing forum: Helen's Trash Freakout.

"Green beer. And I don't even drink. It's congenital!"

Happy St. Patrick's Day! St. Patrick's Day himself is probably out with Cupid somewhere, trying to wrangle more holidays, but here are a few fanfics that either take place on St. Patrick's Day or feature the Holiday Island character:

• Acts of Cupidity by Disco 3:16


• Everything Happens For a Reason by Mahna Mahna


• Holiday Kombat by Richard Lobinske


• One Night Stand: A Misleading Title by Mitch


• Repeiceing Down the Girl by Morden Gans


• Three by Richard Lobinske


• Will Ye Go Lassie, Go? by thatLONERchick

Enjoy them with some green beer! Er, I hope that's food coloring.

Beware Toga-Wearing Guys with Knives!

Or, as it's more commonly quoted, beware the Ides of March! That's today, and if you see anyone in a toga who looks kind of shifty, you might want to move along. I figure that's pretty good advice any day, though.

For those who don't know, the warning was supposedly given to Julius Caesar because he would be stabbed to death on that day. Kevin has another theory, however:

Mr. O'Neill: All right, why did the soothsayer tell Caesar to "Beware of the Ides of March?" Who wants to "take a stab"? Kevin?

Kevin: Um, because the Ides were gonna do something mean to him?

Mr. O'Neill: The Ides aren't people; they're a time of the month.

Kevin: Eww, gross! Well, there's your answer.

So watch your back and check out the latest fanfic!

• Behind the Iron Curtain, by Temppeli (parts 1 and 2): "Dull roads, tenements in the strict line. Gazondolvsk was just as similar as any regular Soviet town. The main difference is that it takes place near Moscow. Jakov Morgendorkov drove his brand new Volga, and tenements passed on the background. It was pretty warm day, and Jakov smiled to her daughters." (Part 2)


• Bound to Highland, by RLobinske (parts 8 and 9): "Mamma Parker was a surprisingly spry woman in her sixties with silver hair pulled into a bun on top of her head and covered with a hair net. Looking over Daria in her pale blue uniform, Mamma said, 'I'm going to run you through your first shift. I want to know if you can cut it and if you can't, you'll be gone come morning and I'm the only person that does the firing around here.' Well aware of how much she needed the job and equally aware of the extra base pay for taking the graveyard shift, Daria said, 'Yes, ma'am.'" (Part 9)


• The Crucible - Chapter 1, by Raskolnikov (COMPLETE!): "While she was trying the fix her haircut, which several hours in the bed have managed to wreck completely, the lightbulbs flickered. What is that sound? A subtle creaking could be heard from Daria's room. The creaking's pitch and the flickering increased for a few seconds, until the sound turned into a loud thump and the very obvious proof that something made of wood had cracked upon the impact. Oh, God! Daria!" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10)


• Daria is Raven's Apprentice, by project pegasus: "(The door is carefully opened as stun grenades are thrown inside. Before the Titan’s can react, they detonate in a flash of sound and light, the concussion sending everyone to the floor.) Kim Probable: (stepping into the room) Impossible or improbable? Daria: You ... waited ... for ... someone ... to say ... 'impossible' ... before ... you attacked ... didn't you?"


• Double Negative (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "'Hey, son!' said Dad, offering a high five that was grudgingly reciprocated, 'How was school?' 'I got another A,' said George as he brandished his latest high graded paper. 'Miss Morgendorffer said my essay blew everyone else's out of the water.' 'Really?' said Mom in a slow drawl, 'That's the fourth one you've got this year.'"


• Dreams, by Chris Tucker: "Eventually, the cleaning and washing was done. The unspoken prospiracy this time was between Jane and Connie. Asking Daria to sit on one of the beds and fold laundry, to occupy her mind with a simple mundane task, kept her from dwelling on the nightmare and hospital trip. She needed time to process the events and come to some closure about them, without getting obsessed with what happened."


• Esteamsters or What if the entire cast of Daria were steampipes? (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'Ssssssssssss,' Jake said."


• The Girl In Question, by Silver (part 1): "Things started with a bang. No, that would be understating things somewhat. It was a massive, crushing blast that sent the visiting Lawndale school bus rolling, its students screaming. A blast that shattered windows for miles, razed most of downtown Fairport, and left a glowing mushroom-shaped cloud rising into the sky."


• God Save The Esteem ep24: Write in the Nads, by Charles RB (part 1): "A new era had dawned on Lawndale High. The metal detectors lay dormant, the CCTV drooped down, the security guards were sunbathing at the checkpoint and drinking beer. 'Hey Steve,' said a kid in a large trenchcoat that could conceal anything. 'Hey.' 'Hey Steve,' said Burnout, smoking a massive joint. 'Hey.' 'Hey Steve,' said Daria, carrying a large gun. 'Hey.'"


• How Can There Be Any Sin in Sincere? (Writeoff Challenge 8), by ticknart (COMPLETE!): "'Mack,' she sighed, then, 'Michael, I've been working on this. There are laws that can protect you.' 'Protect me how?' he asked. 'Keep me from getting a job? Keep me from paying for my daughters' school? Keep me from feeding them? Whistleblower laws are a joke, and you know it.'"


• Is It 'Mania Yet? (PPMB-exclusive Bonus Match), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "Defoe: 'I will say this about Diana. Outside of the ring, she is one of the nicest, sweetest people you could meet. In it... she is an absolute monster.' O'Neill: 'Here comes the Latino Lion, Miguel Martinez trying to take on Brayshaw... she caught him! How is she doing this, Claire?' Defoe: 'I don't know, Timothy. I just don't know.'"


• Know When to Fold 'Em (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Tiffany, sitting across from him, wore a baseball cap reading 'D & G' (for Dolce and Gabbana) in contrast to Cashmaker's PokerParadise.com hat. She also wore a pair of Gucci sunglasses, and one of her tailored blue dresses. She pulled out her compact and applied her lipstick. 'Lipstick ain't going to help you,' Cashmaker said loudly. The cards on the table were Q-J-8-9. Cashmaker had a queen and a three in the deal and the other queen came in on the flop and Cashmaker raised to $250,000 on the nine that came off the turn. There was only one card left - 'the River' - and unless The Sphinx had a ten, Cashmaker was on his way to another championship."


• Lawndale and Sandi Griffin's Genie (Chapter 3), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "'Don't worry, we have a plan to distract her,' Daria said, trying to be reassuring. 'Quinn thought it up,' Jane said. That wasn't reassuring to Brittany. 'Eep!'"


• LLH Alternate Future - 07 - The Future We Choose/Anticipate This, by psychotol (part 5): "Wanda used her powers to lift the car off the road. She had to make this look like a departure from controlled motion, but there was one yankee to protect, this was also the reason for the charade in the first place, to stop Kerry from threatening harm to the hostage. Wanda didn’t want Kerry to be aware of the presence of herself and Tiffany until at least she had decided to ditch the hostage. The car spun off the road, rolling across the ditch, through the hedge and landing right side up in the field, with both left wheels broken off."


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 5: Shop Til You Drop, by Hyrin (parts 1 and 2): "Jane started to worry, knowing how Daria's temper could flare up, but Daria surprised her by standing up calmly and saying quietly, 'You want to see us in bikinis, Charles?' 'Only to help my father, of course,' he replied with a broader grin, which faded slightly as Daria started to unzip her jacket slowly." (Part 2)


• No Armour Bar Her Coat (Writeoff Challenge 8), by Charles RB (part 3): "School was... different. Most everyone she feared was leaving her alone – a few of them would start on her when they were bored, she knew she was fodder for insults, but the unceasing torment ceased for a few months. Quinn, she understood, had had words with people, and the Fashion Club backed her. After those few months, the tormenting slowly increased, people changing their luck. Quinn and others would stamp on it every so often, causing more lulls, but Daria grew to expect being targeted when she was on her own. But she could handle it. It was less than it was. It was normal."


• Oblivious Iron Mediocrity (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "She's called the Dead Gal because they killed her a few hundred years ago. Strictly speaking, she's neither dead nor a gal. She's a Loghyr, and something as simple as physical death isn't enough to get rid of their snarky, stubborn spirits. Their bodies go through the motions, thankfully minus the corruption, at least not so as we poor humans could notice. But their spirit hangs around their corpse, and a little thing like rigor mortis doesn't seem to affect their telekinesis."


• Prize Fatters (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "'Oh, tart-tongued temptress,' Upchuck lamented at Daria's rejection of his idea to mutually assist one another in the Wizard scholarship competition. 'If you help me,' he cajoled. '...I might afford you an opportunity to invest in my dot-com company.' 'You've started a dot-com?' Daria was doubtful. 'A modest exotic candies vent--' 'CANDY?' Daria shouted."


• Quinn's Code - 02: Invite of the Geek, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "'Brittany will be focused on the party. She won't notice two people whom she didn't invite,' Andrea said. 'How do you know that?' Quinn asked, she knew that Brittany and Andrea didn't hang out. 'We were friends in Elementary School,' Andrea said, with some bitterness; 'two rough and tumble tomboys having fun.'"


• Reunion, by Hyrin (parts 1 and 2): "'How are you doing, dad?' she asked, looking around the living room. Aside from a few technology upgrades –the new plasma screen TV hung where the old entertainment center had been- it looked just like it had at her last visit. 'Oh, I'm hanging in there. Don't worry, Daria, I'm sticking around until you give me a couple of grandkids,' he chuckled. Daria inhaled sharply, suppressing a frown as she reminded herself that her father's memory was consistently shoddy these days." (Part 2)


• Shadows of a Timeless Song, by Dennis (part 7): "The liquid beauty of Maglor's music seemed to freeze Hermione. Stock still she stood with her jaw on her breast as the elf's shadow fell on her, and it was not until the gentle light emanating from his skin touched her that she gave voice to her confusion. 'You're not possible,' she whispered. 'Was it not your Shakespeare,' he said with a gentle smile, 'who wrote, "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy." And this is no winter's tale, Hermione of the Yeomanry.'"


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Have you ever felt that you're turning into... (tipsy Jane and Alison in Alison's hut - when a shadowy figure bangs on the door, moaning) ...a zombie? Maybe you're not alone."


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Jim North (COPMLETE!): "'Hello, Charles. I want to play a game.'"


• Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Ranger Thorne: "Voice #1 (vo): Where were you when the Cylons attacked?"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "'We are totally screwed, you know that don't you?' Daria asked as she turned to look at Jane. 'Why do you say that?' Jane replied as the countdown passed five seconds. 'Just because we're sitting on top of three quarters of a million pounds of rocket fuel in a contraption with two million moving parts built by the lowest bidder?'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Trent came bursting out of Casa Lane as Daria and Jane were coming up the walk. His eyes were wild, hair neatly combed and numerous piercings removed. He looked like a Banana Republic had thrown up on him and someone had shaved his soulpatch. 'They got me, Janey!' He seized his sister's arms, panicked, and gave her a shake. 'The Preppies got me!'"

Pi are Squarish, Just Like Quinn's Tooth Preference!

Happy Pi Day, everyone! Today you can celebrate by deriving a circle's circumference from its diameter, calculating the value of pi to five million digits, or (like I plan to) cheating and just eating some pie.

I suspect that Jane, with her less-than-stellar math grades, will choose that last one as well. Although she might prefer a pizza pie, especially one with a pretty large circumference.

Mmmm. Pi.

And now for some non-math-related fandom news!

• People are expressing their concern and sharing news about the Japanese earthquake and its aftereffects.


• Discuss March Madness in this thread.


• CR85747 wonders about "Bad Ass High" and Daria's "bad attitude."


• Want to appreciate live music? Here's the place to do it!


• OverlordMikey has started a 12 POVs Challenge.

Yet Another Caption Contest!

Post your captions in the comments!

An Apple a Day Won't Keep the QB Away!

Today is Johnny Appleseed Day! Kevin's getting into the spirit, although he's probably just as likely to plant jelly beans as apple seeds. Whatever keeps him out of trouble, I suppose.

Anyway, have an apple and check out the latest fanfic update!

• Daria/Dorian Ch. 13: Paper Towels and Open Flames Don't Mix, by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "After Quinn and Jane fell asleep, Daria got Dorian's attention. Let's go pay the front desk another visit. He asked for a second print-out of the room's bill. The only charge that was on it was the pizza he and Jane had ordered that afternoon. Get mom - that jerk's going down."


• The Death of Jane Lane (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Now, the actual accident itself, well, there were lots of unanswered questions. Number one was, where the HELL does a stretched SMARTCar full of CLOWNS come from and how the hell did it wind up on the Boston Common, speeding wildly on the footpaths, dozens of brightly clothed arms sticking out of the windows, frantically beeping their little clown horns in a futile effort to warn the girl directly in the path of the out of control car."


• Different Circumstances (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "There was no way out of that knot. It seemed that he and Jane were no longer an item. Jane fled to some kind of art commune. He was left with Daria, who was feeling major guilt for hurting her best friend. Tom didn't know how it would turn out. It was then that he got a text message from Jane. Tom you basterd. I shouldn't be writing you. This is a bad idea that drunks have and I'm drunk. Question: Do you want me back? Answer yes/no. If yes, we'll talk. If no, forget you."


• Fugitive Chapter 8: Grunge, by Wassersauefer (part 2): "He should have been afraid of losing his humanity, he knew that. But he felt nothing anymore, just the urge to lay down and go to sleep without ever waking ever up. That way he would not have to bother with anything anymore. Not the fact that he was in prison, not the loneliness, not the boredom, not the fucking thought that he wasn't human anymore."


• The Future We Choose/Anticipate, by psychotol (parts 3 and 4): "'Betty teleports in and sees if his powers work, if not, move away until you do, repeat this procedure at least twice on different vectors, once we have the location, Quinn, I’ll direct you to hit the metajammer with an electron beam. Then we pile in, secure the place, and make off with Daria.' 'CIA will just hate that,' said Tom. 'BONUS!' they all chorused." (Part 4)


• Life After Highland (Iron Chef: Lawndale State), by LadieT (part 21): "'Brittany,' Jane sighed. 'You have nothing to apologize for. You weren't the person who opened their big mouths in front of the entire student body in the cafeteria. You were just that bitch's best friend.' 'Who didn't speak to her for a couple of months afterwords. You weren't the only one mad at her, Jane.'"


• Mad Dog's Legacy Chapter 4: angst.lawndale.com, by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "'SHUT UP!' she screamed at her parents. Taken aback, they froze with no idea of how to react. 'This is all YOUR FAULT! I've lost my boyfriend, any respect I had at school, and I can’t even look myself in the mirror anymore! And why? Because I was trying to live up to your expectations! "You have to date the perfect black boy, Jodie." "You have to be the best at everything, Jodie." "You have to never lose anything, or you'll disappoint us, Jodie." Well, that’s over! I have given you two everything I’ve got, and now it’s cost me EVERYTHING!'" (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Maw of Darkness (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey: "'You see, the girl fell asleep and nobody knew she was there. Otherwise, I doubt if they would've entombed her. When she woke up and found the door unresponsive, she was at least comforted by the fact that she was surrounded by food...until she realized there was no can opener. Then it dawned on her --' Daria interrupted Jane. 'Then it dawned on her she could chew the cans open!' she said, uncharacteristically peppy. 'After all, the human jaw exerts enough pressure to break bones, so a little tin shouldn't be any trouble whatsoever!'"


• Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (part 43): "Daria noted Jane's look of annoyance. Could it be that she is resentful that I brought Sam along? she wondered. The rest of the bus ride went quietly, with Jane catching Daria up on the comings and goings of Lawndale."


• Screams of Silence, by Jim North: "I hit the double doors at a dead run, then bounce off and fall to the ground, stunned. Another heavy scrape coming in my direction gets me back up and on my feet. Pain is temporary. That thing is something else. Suffering and misery and agonizing torture and I have to get out and I have to get out now."


• Slashers (Iron Chef: Guilty Pleasures Redux), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Daria sat in a dark room typing furiously at her computer, the only illumination the glow of the monitor where it reflected in her glasses. Almost there, she thought. Just a little more..."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Addicted to "being special"), by DIsaac (COMPLETE!): ""Hello, Charlie" "Yea, It's Jodie Landon....." "No, Your lawyer, Charlie!" "I'm not your new goddess, I'M YOUR NEW ATTORNEY! Dammit! OK, breath Jodie, breath.""


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "The skin on her face is stretched out, pulled tight by the hooks and the elastic bands that they are each tied to. Two of them are tearing the skin that they are in, but she can barely tell which two through the pain. Everything has become this pain. Even the chafing of the bands tightly binding her wrists and ankles have ceased to be a concern in the face of this white hot inferno of pure agony."


• Why I Quit Eating Sweets - My Brain Fries Itself (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Damn The Torpedoes!), by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "The Justice-of-the-Peace closed her eyes for a moment before continuing on to the vows part of the ceremony. 'Do you Daria Morgendorffer take Anthony DeMartino to be your lawfully wedded husband?'"


• Wrong Turn....At Sesame Street, by peapotmaster (part 1): "Daria Morgendorffer woke up on a Friday morning in her bedroom, only to hear a very familiar song playing in the background. 'What the...' Daria began to speak, when she spotted a little red monster walk up to her. 'Daria, it’s time to start the show,' said the red monster. 'Elmo is here now.'"

Back Before Sparkly Emo Vampires Were In Vogue

On this day in 1997, the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer premiered--one week after Daria. We know that Quinn is a fan from the episode "Speedtrapped" ("We'll be through the criminal justice system and home in time for Buffy!"), and there have been quite a few references to the show in various fanfics. A few authors have even crossed the two shows: Wyvern337's The Chosen One, Caira's Sculptures, and MFC's Daria the Vampire Slayer.

Fandom News!

• Daria made #68 in TV Squad's top 100 women characters!


• OverlordMikey is looking for advice about college, jobs, and the such.


• LSauchelli posted the new Thundercats trailer. Join the discussion!


• If you watch NCIS, talk about the show here.


• vlademir1 has posted a thread for his Long Story Challenge. Volunteer to be a contestant or a judge!


• Another new Iron Chef in the Creative Writing forum: Charter School.