Smoke on the (Toilet) Water

It appears that someone in the girls' bathroom has chosen the wrong way to celebrate Great American Smokeout, because you're supposed to take the opportunity to quit smoking cigarettes. Then again, it could just be another Tommy Sherman exorcism, which I would completely support.

I wonder if Mr. DeMartino ever observes Future Teachers of America Day by wishing the worst possible fate upon his least favorite students: a desire that they, too, will one day have to teach idiots. I doubt Daria will be among that group, as her brief stint as a substitute probably scared her off the profession for good.

Jane should know that today is International Hug a Runner Day, so she should try to get all of the hugs she can get. However, it might be a good idea to shower first if she just got back from a run. Or at least apply some deodorant.

Fanfic Update!

• Harry Potter Morgendorffer, by Meester_Lee (part 45): "She was in the middle of some dream she didn’t remember when she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder. “Daria, wake up!” said the Quinn-like voice. She opened her eyes and saw that it was Quinn."


• Is it The Purge Yet?, by darialalalalala (part 5): "'So, what should we do with Kevin now that Brittnay is gone?' Daria asked. 'Ehh, we'll just throw him out the window.' 'Alright then.'"


• The New Girl, by wilddogjj (part 1): "Mrs. DiBenedetto, a pudgy middle-aged science teacher with glasses, was addressing her seventh-grade science class. The class includes Teddy Carbone (Quinn and Jim's son), Rachel White (Jamie and Nicole's daughter) and Kevin Thompson Junior (Kevin and Brittany's son...actually, Daryl and Brittany's son but everyone pretends otherwise so the boy doesn't find out that he's the product of an extramarital affair)."

Supernatural Phenomena is Really Shiny!

Not sure if Tiffany is celebrating Occult Day or if she's just decided to go all-in on the "black is slenderizing" philosophy. At least the candle doesn't make her look fat, although I think she was a little too heavy-handed with her makeup.

Quinn, on the other hand, would far rather celebrate National Princess Day. After all, she's far better known for pink than black, unless she's trying to cover up a neck zit. Shhh...you didn't hear about it from me!

Meanwhile, it's possible that Noah Barkman is enjoying National Entrepreneur's Day, but if the dotcom bubble hit him as hard as it did many others like him, then I doubt it. Jake was probably very lucky to have gotten out when he did!

"The greasy fry, it cannot lie. Its truth is written on your thighs."

Daria and Jane are waiting patiently for their turn to celebrate National Fast Food Day, but I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see if they'll choose fries or things. Maybe they'll splurge and get both!

Switching topics from greasy to slimy, today is also National Charles Day, which Upchuck would be wise to observe by keeping his mouth shut. Especially around anyone female.

If he chooses not to take my advice, I hope for his sake that his intended target is celebrating International Tolerance Day. In that they might be willing to offer him a ten-second headstart before they retaliate.

Fanfic Update!

• Q's Visitor, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Quinn and the triplets were seated at a table. Each of them had a massive pizza in front of them. 'Wow,' said Tommy, 'This is really cool, Mom!'"


• Spider Quinn 19 Making the News Amidst the Storms, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 6): "After talking to Quinn, Brittany decided to seek out Andrea before lunch ended. ‘It’s barely a week since the last time she helped,’ she thought as she left the library and looked around the courtyard. ‘But is she in the cafeteria?’ she wondered."

Don't Guac It 'til You've Tried It!

I see that Jake has no intention of missing the guacamole on National Spicy Guacamole Day, but I hope he leaves some for the rest of the family. Especially because Jake's track record on spicy foods is...not great.

At least he isn't overdoing it on sweets, which would be a terrible idea on World Diabetes Day. Please keep the following advice in mind:

Mr. O'Neill: You know what they say, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

Jane: Not if you're diabetic.

Much of the Daria cast will be glad to know that today is International Girls Day, although by now the "girls" from the show are middle aged. And doesn't that just make you feel old?

Just Wait Until He Finds Out You Can Have Pizza with the Works AND Anchovies!

Ted is enjoying another new experience by trying a pizza with many toppings in honor of National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day, and I suppose next he'll try pizza with anchovies. I'm sure neither pizza will be able to hold a candle to the wonder that is gum, however.

Let's wish a happy birthday to the sculptor Auguste Rodin, who was born on this day in 1840. This will be welcome news to Jane, who was known to dabble in sculpting herself, but also a good opportunity to check out Steve Taylor's jockey statue to see if it's a genuine Rodin or a forgery.

Today is also the anniversary of Grace Kelly's birth in 1929, which is notable to fandom in that Jane compared Quinn to the late actress/princess in "The Teachings of Don Jake": "Lemme get this straight. You, Jake, Helen, and Princess Grace are going camping? Like in the woods camping?"

Fanfic Update!

• Heavenly Wine and Roses, by riotsquirrrl (part 11): "'This had better be worth it,' Daria says as she trudges along the nature path behind Jane. The other girl looks over her shoulder, saying 'C’mon, we’re almost there!'"


• Help Wanted! Rodent Problem!, by Doggieboy (COMPLETE!): "I don't know where to begin, and I'm not sure what to do. Nothing I have ever done has prepared me for this. Here goes. We have a rodent problem."


• Q's Visitor, by wilddogjj (parts 1 and 2): "Stacy Ruttheimer (nee Rowe) was sitting at the kitchen table having an angry conversation over the phone." (Part 2)


• Strange Days in Lawndale, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "It was an ordinary day in Lawndale. Daria Morgendorffer was resting in her room. But suddenly her sister, Quinn, burst into the room in a hurry."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria's Stolen Notebook), by Azul (COMPLETE!): "Every day is the same connotation. Tension rips and molars brux and there is pain on redux coated in something important and not like Alzheimer's fog over your son's face."

Daria Muppetdorffer

Daria looks way too happy to be dressed as a Muppet, but in fairness it's Sesame Street Day and it's hard to be grumpy around the Sesame Street crew--Oscar aside, that is. For a Sesame Street/Daria crossover that's both sweet and funny, read D is for Daria by Mike Xeno.

Don't forget to...uh...do something...what was it? Oh, right! Remember to celebrate National Forget-Me-Not Day! I don't think Mr. O'Neill will be celebrating this one, given his absolutely terrible memory for student's names. Aside from, oddly enough, Trent Lane.

Just as long as Mr. O'Neill doesn't forget the name of Lawndale High's science teacher, because if he forgets Ms. Barch then today will not be World Science Day for Peace and Development. The "science" part might be there, as an experiment on how much pain her boyfriend can handle before passing out.

It Kind of Looks Like a Bird Wearing a Top Hat To Me

Squint hard and see if you can recognize a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains in that inkblot, because it's the anniversary of Hermann Rorschach's birth on this day in 1884! I'm sure he would be just thrilled to know that his test was still being used in pop culture cartoons over a century after his birth.

Another birthday boy, Bram Stoker, was born on this day in 1847. Stoker, of course, was known for chronicling the life of internationally known celebrity vampire Dracula. Or maybe that was his brother Brad I'm thinking of.

Finally, Margaret Mitchell, author of the book Gone with the Wind, was born exactly 125 years ago today. Maybe Daria and Quinn will sit down and watch the movie together, perhaps with a snack of Johnny cakes courtesy of Jake's "top-rail number one" Civil War-era cooking.

Fanfic Update!

• Harry Potter Morgendorffer, by Meester_Lee (part 44): "The days continued to count down to the day when Daria and the rest of her family would set off for New York City. Miracle of miracles, Quinn remained on her good behavior. Daria didn’t know whether it was because her Mom’s threats or if Quinn was saving the big one for the day that she and the rest of the family would set off for the airport."


• Scares the Beef, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Chad and Angie are asleep in Chad's bed. Chad wakes up, turns over and stares at Angie. Angie starts to wake up." (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Spider Quinn 19 Making the News Amidst the Storms, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "The Sun was rising when the Shadow arrived back at Casa Lane and changed to the ordinary Jane. She saw that Trent and Jesse were in the kitchen making a snack."

She Shoots, She Scores!

Jodie's sporting a new look and a new hobby for National Basketball Day, but I don't think it will go over well with her parents. They probably won't care too much about the hair dye and tattoos, but they'll be very concerned that basketball playing might take time away from the hundreds of other activities she's supposed to be doing right now.

It might be some comfort to Jodie's mother that today is National Michele Day, although I suspect that she'll find something to be offended about. It's one of her biggest strengths, after all.

Maybe Andrew Landon can help soothe her ruffled feathers by fixing her a nice meal, especially because it's Men Make Dinner Day. We can only hope that Jake decides not to celebrate this one, because I don't think Helen, Daria, or Quinn want blackened tongues tonight.

Fandom News!

• Please alert the Daria Refuge Facebook page mods/admins if your post was sent to spam.

Shall We Eat Some UNAUTHORIZED Chocolate?

Daria and Tom are fully immersed in celebrating National Candy Day, and I'm happy to join them! Let's hope that the local stores decide to help out by having plenty of post-Halloween candy sales going on.

Once your sweet tooth is sated, you could do something sweet for others in honor of National Day of Community Service. I wouldn't recommend reading to seniors, though, as they can be a pretty tough crowd, especially if you don't have a pleasant and cheerful voice.

While we're on the subject of voices, let's wish Wendy Hoopes a happy 53rd birthday! Hoopes voiced Jane Lane, Helen Morgendorffer, and Quinn Morgendorffer, which means that in some episodes she did a large share of the speaking!

Fanfic Update!

• But You Always Knew the Truth, by riotsquirrrl (part 11): "Jane's train was late. Daria kept pacing up and down the corridor of the station. She had a book to read."


• Daria Enrolls At Nevermore: An Experiment, by Meester_Lee (part 19): "Helen watched as the sheriff and deputies took Gomez Addams away. 'Daria, does this sort of thing happen every week?' said Sirius. 'Not every week,' Daria replied."

Check Out That Beautiful En Pointe!

Mr. DeMartino is showing an unusually graceful side and a surprise hidden talent to celebrate World Ballet Day, and even in a tutu I feel like he still has more dignity than he ever felt as a teacher. Perhaps Daria could take the opportunity to learn the skill, if only to make peeing in the woods easier in spite of the pervert squirrels.

Someone should tell Quinn that it's the anniversary of Marie Antoinette's birth in 1755. She can tell everyone about the champagne glasses and the French tabloids, but perhaps she ought to leave out the part about the Marquis de Sade.

I hope those who live in countries that observe it enjoyed the extra hour of sleep we got due to Daylight Saving Time ending. I'm sure it will make up for the annoyance of resetting all the clocks, trying to readjust to the new schedule, and not seeing the sun for more than a few hours per day.

Trick or Treat!

I think Dawn might have missed the point of Carve a Pumpkin Day, but I give her plenty of credit for embracing the full spirit of the day. Still, I have to assume it would have been much easier to just buy a pumpkin and carve it. Far be it for me to micromanage, though.

If you want to celebrate by carving a pumpkin of your own, then you'd better hurry because today is also Halloween and you clearly waited until the very last minute to do your holiday decorating. Let's hope that the personification of Halloween doesn't take offense, as I bet she can be absolutely vicious with toilet paper and shaving cream.

Finally, Upchuck might be interested to know that today is National Magic Day, because putting on a magic show was one of the few talents he displayed that wasn't super creepy. Don't forget to tithe your earnings to Lawndale High!

Fanfic Update!

• Brooke Tries to Join the Fashion Club, by Buffcoat (COMPLETE!): "The scene opens with Brooke, a rich girl with a bandaged nose and swollen lips, standing outside the Lawndale High fashion club's meeting room. She's dressed in a revealing outfit, complete with a tight mini-skirt and a low-cut top."


• Dumb Brunette, by Janepringles (part 1): "In the town of Lawndale, there isn't much to do after a long day of chatting, schoolwork and incessant idiots belching out carefully crafted sentences meant to grind gears and make you roll your eyes so hard they pop out of their sockets."


• I (Don't) Want to Be a Part of It, by ladyevil (part 12): "Daria entered her house. It was her house right? Some things looked a little off."


• Spider Quinn 19 Making the News Amidst the Storms, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 4): "Penelope hung up the phone and looked at the incomplete article on her computer screen. She had gathered what information she could from various people who had been on the scene and she would just tell the facts."

She's ALIVE!

Daria and Jane are all dressed up and ready for National Frankenstein Day, and they've even given us a bonus Igor as well! If any pedants get huffy about Jane technically being Frankenstein's monster rather than Frankenstein himself, then just remind them that the real Frankenstein is the friends we made along the way!

I would suggest that everyone celebrate National Internet Day, but I suppose you already are. If not, then how the heck are you even reading this right now?

In honor of National Cat Day, I hope that Jake finally gets that pet cat that he's always wanted, in spite of his father's attitude. Unless, of course, his unfortunate run-in with Mr. Whiskers put him off the feline critters entirely.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., June Lockhart.


• janendaria4life posted a new Iron Chef: Daria's Stolen Notebook.

But I Thought Keg Queen Was Quinn's Job!

Brittany is pleased to serve everyone a cold one in honor of American Beer Day, but I hope Kevin limits himself to just one. Partly because I'm sure his judgment is even worse when he's been drinking but also because if he starts singing the song about beers on the wall then I don't think he'll be able to count backward much further than that.

Daria and her family, meanwhile, could celebrate National Tell a Story Day by sharing spooky stories with each other. By now I'm sure Daria and Quinn are old enough to hear the uncensored version of Helen's vampire story, but I don't think anyone wants to hear round two of Daria's cannibal tale.

On this day in 1997, Daria made an appearance in Fortune, along with several of her fellow cartoon characters. True to form, Daria seems to have been the only one who brought a book.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 14): "'I actually kind of knew what was going on with Tom— and the reason why he was following Janey too.' Trent confessed, nervously rubbing the back of his neck."


• Scares the Beef, by wilddogjj (parts 2 and 3): "Quinn, Jim and the triplets were sitting in the living room watching TV. On the screen was Stacy and her co-anchor. The co-anchor was finishing his report." (Part 3)


• Spider Quinn 19 Making the News Amidst the Storms, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "However, Dafoanairi found a panel that had been displaced and found the power switch beneath it. The powerless pterodactyl was then placed on a table as Ninja Talon and Dafoanairi both looked for the controller."

It's Not Over Until the Popular Lady Sings!

Quinn's really nailing that high note for World Opera Day, but the real question is whether or not she's also going to make a dainty garland for her head and sing. Just be sure you don't miss the performance of Madame Butterfly being held in the PayDay automotive department!

Jane will be pleased to know that today is also both International Artist Day and National Fine Art Appreciation Day, so she can celebrate both herself and her artwork! Unless she's suffering from burnout and/or wrist cramping again, in which case she should celebrate a well-deserved break instead.

For those in fandom who are less sophisticated, there's always National Greasy Foods Day, so you could just enjoy some junk food. However, let's hope that Quinn doesn't take a break from singing to re-share her "Greasy Fry" poem.

Now They're Mental in the Morning!

Daria and Jane look way too cheerful for TV Talk Show Host Day, especially considering it's morning and neither of them was ever shown to be morning people. At all. I'm guessing that this situation was caused by either massive amounts of caffeine or alien body snatchers. Could they possibly be atomic Communists from Mars?!

On this day in 2001, the first line of iPods made their debut. Years ago, S-C created images of Daria characters with iPods as well as a dPod spoof ad.

In other fanart news, the Fashion Club (minus Quinn) made a cameo appearance in the webcomic "Mall Monkeys." I don't know where Quinn was at the time, but she was probably appearing in a much more popular (or so she'd claim) comic.

Fanfic Update!

• Duplicity, by Big_Crabtree (COMPLETE!): "Watching Brittany had become her new favourite form of entertainment while at school. It was amusing to watch her feign stupidity for all to see."


• Mysteries of Lawndale 03: Night of the Coffee House, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 10): "'So, you know who it is, but will only reveal it tomorrow night,' Jane said as she sipped a coffee in the kitchen. 'That’s right,' Daria said."

He'd Better Avoid Ms. Barch's Class on Dissection Day

Looks like Kevin has taken American Frog Day to the extreme, perhaps as a way to improve his agility on the football field. He's going to be very disappointed with the corresponding decrease in strength, though.

It's going to take a lot more than strength to lift a government building, which was actually attempted--telepathically--on this day in 1967 during the March on the Pentagon. Helen, Jake, and their commune friends were part of the attempt, which failed miserably and led to Jake breaking his foot. Stupid five-sided building.

Finally, on this day in 1997 the first Daria VHS tape, creatively named "Daria," was released. It contained "Esteemsters," "The Invitation," "College Bored," and the "Sealed with a Kick" pilot, without which we'd never have seen Daria's super-creepy grin. So...yay?

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Ace Freley.

"Oh rapture, oh ecstasy--another scintillating computer game."

Retro gamers, rejoice! Today is the 25th anniversary of the Daria's Inferno computer game! It was snarky, difficult to work with, and sometimes downright infuriating...just like Daria herself. Just don't talk about the steam pipes. I still have nightmares.

If you're interested in observing Evaluate Your Life Day, you could do worse than taking some advice from Jake: "You change your name, move to another state, get some ID. It's not too late to start over, Daria, it's not too late! You're still a young man! You don't have to live with your mistakes! Get out while you can!"

On second thought, that's pretty bad advice. Maybe just drink some water and take a walk outside instead.

You could also try forming new bonds with people you don't know in honor of National New Friends Day, but don't expect Daria to participate. She lucked out with Jane, but I can't imagine she'd expect lightning to strike twice.

Fanfic Update!

• Spider Quinn 19 Making the News Amidst the Storms, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "Quinn entered the office to find the principal busy with paperwork. 'Ms. Morgendorffer?' she asked."

Can He Jump Over the Big Strawberry?

Mack's preparing to do an extra-dangerous stunt in honor of the anniversary of Evel Knievel's birth on this day in 1938. Of all of the guys at Lawndale High, Mack is the one I would least expect to pull this kind of thing, but I guess he'd do just about anything to get Jodie's attention.

Someone should tell Jake that it's National Pasta Day, because pasta seems like the one thing he seemed to be able to cook well--penne a la pesto, fettuccini Bolognese, and so forth. Of course, technically speaking frozen lasagna would also qualify, but the Morgendorffers have got to be sick of that by now.

Someone should not tell Quinn that it's Wear Something Gaudy Day, though, because the very idea of wearing something unattractive would probably give her nightmares for a week. I suppose it might be a good excuse to throw another Fashion Don'ts Costume Gala!

Fandom News!

• Talk about your experiences with AI.

This Little Light of Mine and His and Yours and Hers and Theirs....

It seems that everyone in Lawndale is celebrating Shine a Light Night, although the point of the holiday is helping the homeless rather than shining literal lights. Also, this isn't going to help Daria's paranoia issues at all.

Daria and her classmates can at least enjoy World Students' Day by going to school, but I think Daria would take exception to my use of the words "enjoy" and "school" in the same sentence. I doubt that Mr. DeMartino will be feeling very celebratory about this one, either, because students are both the focus and worst part of his job.

If the more infuriating students bug the man too much, then at least he can take comfort in knowing that he's observing National Grouch Day. Daria observes this one most days, or at least on the days where she's forced to interact with other people.

Fanfic Update!

• Mysteries of Aurora, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 20): "'One of the Architecture sections,' Alexia said. 'That's where the blueprints of the University would be stored.'"


• Scares the Beef, by wilddogjj (part 1): "The Thompsons were seated at a table in a cowboy themed steakhouse called Wrangler's. It was the same place where Timmy Carbone had won a steak eating contest two years ago."

"Are you suuuuuuure?"

Jane looks awfully doubtful about...something...but that's fine because it's International Skeptics Day and she can be as skeptical as she wants. Usually Daria is the one with the doubting attitude, but I imagine Jane picked up a few tricks from her during their years of friendship.

Perhaps she's just failing to be trusting, which would also be appropriate for International Day for Failure. I hope Mr. O'Neill doesn't get it into his head to retry the old "failing on purpose" class assignment because I don't think anyone could handle going through that again...least of all Mr. O'Neill.

Today we celebrate a maybe-anniversary for Daria fandom in that the earliest saved copy of the Paperpusher's Message Board can be found on this day in 1999, so this could be the PPMB's 26th birthday. There's no way of telling for sure, though, so take that with a healthy dose of skepticism!

Fandom News!

• Share stories of celebrities going through situations straight out of Daria.


• If you had been a writer for Daria back in the day, what would you have done?


• Watch and discuss the video "Jane Lane's Sick, Sad World."

Nice Legs, Trent!

Trent looks less than thrilled about National Costume Swap Day, but then again maybe he's borrowing Daria's attitude along with her wardrobe. I'm a little curious about what Daria would look like in Trent's clothes, but I suspect the sight would send Jane's teasing into overdrive.

Meanwhile, I suppose Kevin and Brittany are celebrating National Motorcycle Ride Day, but I hope Kevin doesn't try to pop a wheelie this time. Brittany was freaked out enough as it was about the cricket; suffering a massive injury would probably also spoil her day.

I sure hope that Jodie gets to enjoy Black Girl Day Off, if not the whole day then at least for a couple of hours or so. It might require either an act of God or faking her own death, and I'm not sure if either is likely to work on the Landons.

Fanfic Update!

• Convergence on Lawndale, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 14): "'There it is,' the Doctor said as he lead the others into the Morgendorffers backyard from the laneway. 'That blue box?' Kim asked. 'Yes,' the Doctor answered as he unlocked the ship."


• Duplicity, by Big_Crabtree (COMPLETE!): "Daria watched the ongoing party with disdain. It was bad enough that she had deluded herself into coming here. It was even worse that she ended up losing her only friend among the crowd."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (COMPLETE!): "Layndale was starting to thaw out now that it was already March the Twentiseventh."


• Spider Quinn 19 Making the News Amidst the Storms, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "It was a busy evening at the Historia. Quinn Morgendorffer was busy as she delivered drinks and meals to various customers."

Mystik Firal

Trent is awake and ready to fight any fires for Fire Prevention Day, and he might actually end up being pretty good at this job if he doesn't fall asleep. After all, someone had to put out the flames before the Lanes enacted the "no building fires in the rooms that don't have fireplaces" rule. Let's just hope he can get to the Morgendorffer house in time if Jake gets another craving for warm milk.

I'm sure Daria will be happy to celebrate World Sight Day by wearing her glasses so that she can see things. Not contact lenses, though. Those neighborhood dogs will just have to learn to watch where they're going.

On this day in 1998, Entertainment Weekly named Daria a "toon diva." It was a title she would share with Tinkerbell, Veronica from the Archie comics and...Foghorn Leghorn?!

Fandom News!

• Watch and discuss a video about a recent Tory Conference.

Not So Much of a Criminale

Max is having a great day because not only did he get named a junior deputy, but it's also Bald and Free Day--a special day to celebrate his (lack of) hair! I suppose he's even more grateful for this holiday, because he likely appreciates being free even more after his traumatic afternoon in jail.

Still, it's better to focus on the positive because it's National Forgiveness & Happiness Day. Let's hope Jane can use the occasion to (actually) forgive Daria for the Tom thing, even if she still isn't too happy about it. Can you blame her?

Finally, it's National Inner Beauty Day, which is probably the Fashion Club's least favorite holiday. After all, what's the point of having beauty on the inside where no one can see it and you can't use make-up to cover up any flaws?

Fanfic Update!

• Harry Potter Morgendorffer, by Meester_Lee (part 43): "The days towards Daria’s departure for Ilvermorny went by like a slow-motion countdown. Daria spent parts of the time visiting with friends from school and from her encounter group."

I See Someone Has Been to Funky Doodle Lately!

Trent and Jesse have gone for a wildly different look in honor of National Get Funky Day, but it remains to be seen if their music will change as well. I gotta admit, a funk version of "Freakin' Friends" would be interesting to hear.

Mr. DeMartino, meanwhile, can enjoy the fact that it's World Teachers' Day! He's not going to get a pay raise or increased benefits or even any extra dignity, but on the bright side he still has to put up with students all day, every day.

Let's hope those students take pity on him, because it's Do Something Nice Day and the least they can do is try to answer a question correctly. The Fashion Club might also celebrate by not being too cruel when they critique other people's clothing choices. Maybe.

Say Cheeeeeeese!

Daria is back, right on schedule, to freak everyone out for World Smile Day. This time she didn't even bring heart-shaped cookies, so I'm shutting the door right in her terrifying face.

I think it's fitting that today is also National Kevin Day, because Kevin was the recipient of Daria's creepy smile/cookie combination in the original pilot. Also, Kevin tends to go everywhere with a big goofy grin on his face.

It's hard to say if Brittany and Kevin will be celebrating National Boyfriend Day thanks to their on-again, off-again relationship, but Quinn's probably holding out for National Personal No-Strings Attached Devotee Day. As for Tom? I'm not even going to go there.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 12): "'How are you so unworried all the time?' Daria asked Trent, as they were walking to the Lane residence after going grocery shopping."


• But You Always Knew the Truth, by riotsquirrrl (part 10): "'Jane, help me come up with a decent costume.' Jane knew long distance was expensive, but jeez. That was abrupt."


• Harry Potter Morgendorffer, by Meester_Lee (part 42): "Daria Morgendorffer picked up her marker her wall-calendar and put an x on the day before. Another day gone by: it was getting closer to the day when she’d set off for Ilvermorny."


• Suspiciously Wholesome (1999), by scaryfangirl2001 (COMPLETE!): "The late September air in Lawndale carries that peculiar Maryland autumn scent—damp earth, decaying leaves, and distant woodsmoke—as Daria Morgendorffer stares blankly at her bedroom calendar."

Time For a Room at Better Days Nursing Home?

Quinn has definitely looked better, but I suppose she's looking the part for International Day of Older Persons. By my math, though, she shouldn't be much older than 40 in the present day. I guess she forgot to use her sunscreen!

At least her hair seems to have kept its bright color and bounciness in celebration of National Hair Day! Then again, the color might be from a bottle or the whole thing could be a wig. Only her hairdresser knows for sure!

Please, no one tell Trent that today is International Music Day, because the last thing anyone wants is to hear a Mystik Spiral original. Fortunately, he'll most likely sleep through the day and our eardrums will remain intact.

BACK in the SADdle Again!

Mr. DeMartino has found a new career by following in the footsteps of Gene Autry, who was born on this day in 1907. While "singing cowboy" doesn't offer that much more dignity than "teacher," it does mean that he doesn't have to deal with Kevin and Brittany as students anymore. An overall win!

I have no doubt that the decreased stress will be good for his heart condition, which is great because it's also World Heart Day! Jake should be celebrating this one by avoiding things that upset him (which is just about everything) and finally telling everyone what the doctor told him about cheese.

He should probably lay off the caffeine, as well, even though it's National Coffee Day. Quinn will approve of that decision, but Helen simply will not function at her usual 200% without her morning coffee.

Fanfic Update!

• Alison's Last Word, by riotsquirrrl (COMPLETE!): "Jane mopped her brow with her bandanna and squinted at the white cube of the gallery. The show was nearly fully mounted and she still didn’t know what painting she was going to put on that last bit of wall."


• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 11): "'But mooooom! Why do we have to get Daria back?! It's not like she's important or anything anyway!' Quinn whined, stomping on the Lane's porch."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 100): "Anna Coulthard looked all around her to admire the gardens of Starlight Castle as she walked beside Lockie that cold and snowy morning. It was the very first time that she was allowed in the castle grounds after all, since she had finally completed her Agent trials four days ago, and Anna was really happy that she would be there to witness history that day."


• LLH Reboot, by roentgen (part 3): "Daria, Jane, Tom and Stacy waited outside the Major's office. It was time for the 'lessons learned' part of the training exercise."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Officer Peterson was still on duty at the station. William was still in one of the cells, waiting for his parents to come with their part of the story, and for transport back to the hospital as a patient. She knew it was going to continue to be a mess."

Hugh Hefner He is Not

I don't think this is quite the intention of National Bunny Day, and frankly the look on Upchuck's face is making me feel slightly ill. I'm betting that Quinn would much rather hang out with the Trix Rabbit, who supposedly stayed with the Morgendorffers when Quinn was little, in spite of his tendency to leave the milk out.

The Fashion Club might even be willing to put up with Bing and the Spatula Man in honor of Morning Show Hosts Day if it gets them away from Upchuck. A less annoying option would be an episode of "Good Mornings with Daria and Jane," the hypothetical talk show from the Is It College Yet? alter egos.

One way or another, I think it's pretty likely that Upchuck will be celebrating National Singles Day as soon as the girls get tired of putting up with him. I give it another thirty seconds, tops.

"It's only a matter of time...."

Quinn is enjoying World Dream Day, but something tells me that her dreams aren't nearly as lofty as the holiday would normally intend. Still, at least her dreams are probably more pleasant than some of the nightmares Daria experienced in the show. That girl's subconscious was a terrifying place.

In fact, I would suggest Daria observe National Psychotherapy Day, but very few of the psychological "experts" on the show were particularly helpful. From Ms. Manson to the staff at Quiet Ivy, the incompetence was almost palpable.

At any rate, both Quinn and Daria could celebrate National Daughters Day by simply existing as their parents' children. Helen might prefer not to celebrate, however, as that might involve getting in touch with her mother and no one in the Morgendorffer house wants that to happen.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 10): "'Jane! Wake up!' Daria said, shaking Jane's shoulders 'What- What's up??' Jane said, sitting up on the sofa, where she had fallen asleep."

"Sister, nuke the frozen bagel."

Helen is taking National Baker Day very seriously, but I hope her cooking skills are better than Jake's. The last thing the family needs is a loaf of bread that will incinerate their taste buds on contact.

Even though today is National Checkers Day, Kevin shouldn't bother to get out the game board and demand to be "kinged" because the holiday actually refers to a speech Nixon once made about his dog of that name. This will be a tremendous relief to Tom, who probably played a lifetime of checkers against his uncle at The Cove.

We could technically observe Celebrate Bisexuality Day in fandom by bringing up Alison from Is It Fall Yet? but I don't think that's a good idea. Alison wasn't exactly the kind of character you want to celebrate, after all.

So Much for the Sisterhood

Looks like Linda Griffin and Helen Morgendorffer are pretending to like each other, or at least they will for National Women’s Friendship Day and then go right back to being passive aggressive and snide to each other at every opportunity. Like daughter, like mother, I suppose.

I assume that Jake's affection will be much more genuine for Wife Appreciation Day, and I don't think that Tom Griffin will be able to say the same. Honestly, if you had to live with Linda, you'd probably have a hard time feigning appreciation as well.

Maybe Jake can give Helen a nice gift, like another misshapen candle, which would be especially appropriate with today being the anniversary of the publication of The Hobbit in 1937. Unfortunately, brown isn't so soothing when the thing you're holding looks like a demonic mutant.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 9): "'Should I knock...? Or maybe I should wait until she wakes up...' Trent pondered, walking through the halls, specifically in front Penny's room."


• Another Kiss, by Yuuuutong (COMPLETE!): "Summer vacation, Daria and Jane were on the train back to Lawndale."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 99): "Anna looked up at the dazzling white sky for what seemed to be several hours, at some point they arrived at the frozen shores of yet another vast crystal lake and there they found a wrought iron bench just like those back at Lawndale Park, waiting for them right beside a great and surprisingly still green cypress tree..."


• I (Don't) Want to Be a Part of It, by ladyevil (part 11): "'Can you believe this?' Jane said as she showed Daria the ticket she just purchased. 'Thirteen fifty just to ride an elevator! I was hoping to take advantage of the post Easter chocolate sale at Li-Lac’s! I’ll be lucky to afford one hollow bunny in this expensive city!'"


• LLH Reboot, by roentgen (part 2): "'TEAM BRAVO, PLEASE PROCEED TO ENTER THE VAULT.'"


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 7): "'SpiderGirl?' Peterson asked. 'I have an idea,' SpiderGirl said and told Peterson her theory that turning off the lights should cause William to revert."

"Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum!"

Upchuck is fully prepared to celebrate International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which will be a welcome break from his usual "talk like a sleazebag" habit. Let's just hope--for his sake--that he doesn't ask anyone for any booty.

For those who would rather shake their booty than plunder it, today is also National Dance Day. If the dance setting is decorated in a Jackson Pollock theme, then so much the better.

Finally, let's hope Kevin doesn't decide to celebrate National Concussion Awareness Day, because the boy needs to hold onto every brain cell he has left. I suppose most of the students at Lawndale High would prefer he hit his head, however, than damage anything useful like his knee.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Robert Redford.


• Is Andrea's canon last name Haley?

Don't Call Him a Cowboy...Ever

Look out, because here comes Travis the Singing Cowboy to "entertain" us for International Country Music Day. When I say "look out," I'm talking to Travis because I think Daria's still in touch with her non-timid side and she's licensed to drive.

I'd much rather listen to Travis the pet shop canary sing, which is appropriate because it's also National Pet Bird Day! Just take care that he doesn't try to escape through the air vents and get stuck in the air filtration system again.

I hope Mr. DeMartino keeps his documentation handy in case Ms. Barch decides to call INS on him, because it's Citizenship Day and she just might be petty enough to do it. Given current events, however, the prank isn't quite so funny anymore.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 7): "'My so-called sister is having an oddly long party week. I need to find a place to stay.' Daria stated, walking out Mr. O'Neill's class with Jane."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 98): "That night Anna and Lockie Allyngard fell asleep together with the sweet crackling of the fireplace and the cries and howls of a winter storm outside."


• Know Your Foes, by roentgen (part 1): "Daria stood in what was called the 'Chamber of Secrets' at USAES. 'What do you mean, "it's all gone"?'"


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 6): "Down in the kitchen, Sandi grabbed an energy drink out of the fridge. She then saw that Sam was there."

Yes, I DO Want to be a Millionaire!

I am more than happy to take Tom up on his offer for Free Money Day, but somehow I doubt that he's sincere. After all, that's not how old money gets old. And, honestly, he should keep the money to fix his car before it falls apart entirely.

Jake will be pleased to know that today is National Linguine Day, because it gives him the opportunity to cook up another batch of non-frozen-lasagna pasta for dinner! Just don't let it oxidize, and be sure to invite Trent because linguine is probably also his favorite.

Finally, Daria should pay her friend Mrs. Blaine a visit in honor of Respect for the Aged Day, and take along her latest Melody Powers story to share. Just as long as she leaves the Ginsberg at home.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Polly Holliday.


• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Hazel Burke and Florence Johnston.

Good News for Mrs. Johanssen!

I see Daria and Tom have beat me to celebrating International Chocolate Day, but have no fear. I will be catching up to them in no time, and in my case the chocolate will be authorized!

For those who want two great tastes that taste great together, you could also celebrate National Peanut Day! Just take care that, unlike Trent, peanuts don't hijack your brain...moth to a flame...if you don't release me...I'll say something profane!

Once everyone's sweet tooth has been satisfied, it should be easy to observe Positive Thinking Day. Unless you're Daria, to whom "positive thinking" is an entirely foreign concept.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria in "The Gap", by SisterCatherine (COMPLETE!): "Though she would be loath to admit it, Daria had been excited for college. The change of pace was direly needed, and after learning that she wouldn’t have to part with Jane, she was as close to eager as she really could be."


• Timmy the Bully, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Quinn and Jim were both in the principal's office to discuss their son's recent aggressive behavior. Timmy sank in his chair while the principal, Joey (formerly of the three Js) explained what was going on."

Double-Booking a Date Isn't an Emergency, Either

I'm glad that Quinn is celebrating Emergency Number Day, but I hope she realizes that 911 is not intended for fashion emergencies. Jake, meanwhile, may or may not need Helen to remind him of the number for 911.

Once Quinn gets off the phone, I'm sure she'll be happy to show off her latest photos in honor of National School Picture Day. Daria will be far more reluctant, but I'd be curious to find out if she stuck with Black Clouds Swallowing Chernobyl as her backdrop or decided to switch it up and go for Deep Midnight of Despair instead.

Finally, today we observe Patriot Day by remembering those who were killed in the terrorist attack on September 11th, 2001. The Angst Guy's very first Daria fanfic, Nine-Eleven and Counting, centers around the events of 9/11.

Do Computer Errors Bug You?

Jake is super excited to learn that on this day in 1947, the very first computer bug was found. And by "bug," I mean that they found an actual dead moth in the computer. No word on whether or not anyone tried to claim that the moth was actually a feature.

If anyone wants to celebrate International Buy-a-Priest-a-Beer Day, I recommend you don't start with the officiant from Erin and Brian's wedding. First of all, he's a minister, not a priest. Secondly, I don't think that dude needs to indulge in any further vices.

On a personal note it was fifteen years ago today that I began my stint as a guest blogger for this page! Guys, I'm starting to suspect that this isn't a temporary gig after all....

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 3): "-'This, and more anticipated funerals on Sick, Sad World' 'Well, at least I'll know where to call right before I tragically die' Jane said sitting criss crossed on her bed, turning off the TV."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "However, something happened when they brought William into the daylight. He began to transform, with some of his skin stretching and his eyes turning dark."

Long Live the Queen of Sarcasm

Daria reigns supreme as Elizabeth I on the anniversary of the English queen's birth on this day in 1533. Although that looks like the most uncomfortable outfit she's ever worn--and yes, I'm including the bridesmaid's dress--I do give her credit for staying true to her usual color scheme.

Does Kevin know that today is National Beer Lovers Day? If not, someone should let him know so that he can crush cans on his head and sing his favorite song about ninety-nine bottles of beer. I have to admit, I'd be surprised to learn that he can actually count to 100, let alone backwards.

A drink might be a good idea for at least some of the Morgendorffers if either grandmother chooses to celebrate Grandparents' Day today. God help us all if both grandmothers decide to visit on the same day!

Fandom News!

• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Muffy Tepperman and Sandi Griffin.

A Cheesy Holiday

Ted is enjoying a nice big serving of processed cheese for Cheese Pizza Day, and he probably still doesn't know what process they use to make it. Hopefully Daria will take extra care to avoid cheese burn, but that's something the Fashion Club with their cheeseless pizza will never have to worry about.

Trent, meanwhile, will almost definitely celebrate Be Late for Something Day, although I don't know if it counts as "late" if you oversleep and miss the whole thing.

Finally, feel free to do something for the less fortunate in honor of International Day of Charity! You could read to seniors, help out with cow skull-related arts and crafts at the children's hospital, or just donate some go-go boots and a belly chain to a clothing drive. The sky's the limit!

Fanfic Update!

• But You Always Knew the Truth, by riotsquirrrl (part 9): "Daria unclipped the roll of film she’d hung up the night before. Holding it up to the orange light of the photo lab, she carefully snipped the film and slipped it into the plastic sleeves."


• Dungeons and Ditzes, by AngryKnife (part 1): "The TV hummed, and the announcer spoke over a dramatic guitar riff: 'Suburban Book Club Accidentally Summons Literary-Criticism-Demon During Discussion of Beach Read. A Sick Sad World Exclusive!'"


• The Muliebrity, by janendaria4life (part 6): "Camp had been going on for a couple weeks and it was the beginning of July."


• Mysteries of Aurora, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 19): "'You're also looking for others?' 'Also, for someone who does specialize in the Mid-Ancient Era,' Olivia added."


• Star Trek: Voyager Alone, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Neelix was stressing. Voyager had told him that Kes had been beamed back, but she had told him about her people’s closed minded views. He was sure that she would be affected by her brief time down there."


• Timmy the Bully, by wilddogjj (part 2): "Quinn, Jim and the triplets were at the table eating dinner while the family dog, Stripe, sat on the floor and occasionally begged for table scraps."

Brittany is Going Ape!

It seems that Brittany has decided to celebrate Skyscraper Day by climbing one, but I suspect that Kevin has had better days. Poor Brittany is going to have a difficult time fitting into her cheerleader uniform from now on, and pity the poor girls at the bottom of the pyramid!

As if Kevin's day wasn't bad enough already, it was on this day in 1970 that famed football coach Vince Lombardi died. Contrary to Mack's comments, Kevin knows without a doubt that he did not go to hell...but he might have been sending Kevin football plays from beyond the grave.

Not being much of a football fan, Quinn will probably be more interested to hear that today is eBay's 30th birthday! The site made it possible to shop without even leaving home, but I'm sure eBay will be devastated to learn that, at 30, its life is over (by Quinn's standards).

Breakfast at Daria's

Daria has embraced her inner Audrey Hepburn in time for National Little Black Dress Day, which is quite a change from her usual Longish Black Skirt apparel. Not sure if the Fashion Club would approve of the old-fashioned style, but I'll bet Nathan would appreciate the vintage look.

I hope Kevin knows that today is American Chess Day, because if he ever got around to joining the chess team then he can demand that his opponent king him. And that's the story of how Kevin was immediately kicked out of the chess team.

Finally, I hope everyone in the United States has a pleasant Labor Day, especially if you get the day off work. No chance Helen has the day off, though, even if the office is closed. Workaholics gotta workaholic!

Fanfic Update!

• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 97): "Every lightning attack was the most terrifying, dazzling and unimaginably beautiful light that Anna Coulthard had ever seen."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 4): "Some of the café was still laid out for the party. Quinn gave William some of the leftovers as he held a cold pack to his head."

She's Alive!

Jane's trying out yet another new look for Frankenstein Day, and I think the stitches are a better look than the orange-and-black nightmare that was her attempted hair dye job. Just don't let the Fashion Club see her in that jacket.

On a different yet still spooky note, today is International Bat Night! At last, Jane can live her dream of sleeping upside-down and spreading rabies!

On a much less spooky note, today is also National Beach Day and that means plenty of fun in the sun and partying with friends! I suspect Daria would rather take the monsters and the bats, actually.

Squeak!

I'm thinking that this particular critter isn't feeling up to participating in Race Your Mouse Day, but I'd like to see how you feel after spending days in the company of Brian Taylor. Of course, since the holiday most likely refers to computer mice, I don't think this poor lab rat needs to exert itself after all.

When you're done using your mouse pad as a racetrack, you could celebrate National Burger Day with one or even two jumbo burgers if you feel like following in Jane's footsteps. Or you could put one into your boots to enjoy the squishy feeling.

If you're in a reading mood, you might pick up War and Peace in honor of the anniversary of Leo Tolstoy's birth on this day in 1828. Don't expect to finish it in a hurry, though, and whatever you do don't pester him for a sequel!

Fanfic Update!

• Heavenly Wine and Roses, by riotsquirrrl (part 10): "Nearly two years later, Tom is sailing his aunt's training catboat down the coast. It was too warm on land but here he is lost in the spray and the sun and the cries of gulls."


• A Sartorial Abomination (1998), by scaryfangirl2001 (COMPLETE!): "March 1998 in Leeville, Virginia. The air, usually crisp with the lingering chill of winter, now hangs heavy inside the bridal shop, thick with the cloying sweetness of potpourri and the faint scent of stale lace."


• Star Trek: Voyager Alone, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "In sickbay, the automated systems scanned Kes and the triage programs examined her injuries. They determined that the Emergency Medical Hologram didn't need to be activated, rather that a Nurse DOT could treat her."