'Tis No Time to Be a Landlubber!

Yar! It be International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and Upchuck is eying the saucy wenches. The scurvy dog had best keep his distance, though, lest the wenches heave him into Davy Jones's locker.

Okay, I'm done now. The truly devoted pirate fans may enjoy Shane Greentree/Gregor Samsa's Esteemarrs!, I Don't (Like Landlubbers), and The Plunderin' Of Don Jake. And, um, yo ho ho or whatever.

Fanfic Update!

• ASPS, by PrecambrianStudios (part 45): "He expected to find walk inside the prestigious dorm to find Ethan in his room, either studying, poking Edgar, or teasing Hannibal and Frederick. Instead, he found him spraying the roses in Warville's front garden with a hose hooked up to a large green vat."


• Daria 1/2, by LSauchelli (part 7): "'Put those away.' 'Only when you're six feet under!' exclaimed the lost boy as he threw the dozen bandannas at Ranma. Each was spinning like an electric saw. One touched a desk and cut it in two. Ranma jumped over two, sidestepped another and then jumped towards Daria. A single bandanna was heading towards Daria's head. She closed her eyes, frozen by fear."


• Daria and Quinn: Phone Cards, by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Daria: 'So Quinn...' Quinn: 'Yes Daria, what do you want?' Daria: 'Uh... How did you sell all those phone cards?'"


• Doctor Ewwww, by ognawk (part 1): "Jane looked the visitor up and down, recognising the clothes she was wearing but not her face and hair. She leaned forward slightly and squinted to get a closer look. 'What happened to your hair?' Jane asked."


• Dylan, by J-D (part 29a): "'What the hell?' said Dylan. 'Listen, whoever-you-are, if this is one of Rod's pranks, just go back and tell him I'm not falling for it.' 'I'm International Friendship Day, and I'm here on a secret mission from Holiday Island. I need to recruit you and Rod to help us.'"


• The Game of Six, by Erin M. (part 1): "'Excuse me? Miss Lightning Dust?' a quiet stallion's voice asked. 'Next show's at four,' Lightning replied, not looking up. 'Come back with your challenge then, okay?' A sack of bits landed on the bar in front of her with a loud clunk. Lightning Dust blinked and stared at the sack, before turning to look at the stallion."


• The Great And The Good, by ognawk (parts 17 and 18): "Inside Pizza King, Ashley picked up two slices from the counter and walked over to the booth where Daria was sitting and placed the slices on the table. Daria had called him earlier to meet her here to discuss their future, but he had no read on where she was likely to go." (Part 18)


• Just Friends, by minx (part 16): "'You can stay if you want...' A stunned silence crept in. Trent studied Daria. She was the embodiment of a deer caught in headlights. He looked earnestly into her eyes but shed already put the wall back up."


• Left 4 Daria, by Charles RB (part 8): "'The question is, has the infection only spread outside or is the mall overrun too?' asked Daria. 'Academic, the only way we're getting out of here is to bring down the barricade - which we can't - or get the roof and signal for help,' said Barch. 'If the place is overrun, we'll just--' 'Die.' 'Shut up.'"


• Lessons (Iron chef: Mack is (falsely) accused of rape), by Sofa King (COMPLETE!): "'The defendant will rise.' Tom Griffin and his lawyer stand up, as the judge turns his attention towards the jury foreman. In the gallery behind Griffin, Mack Mackenzie, flanked by his classmates and rumored paramours, Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane, stares a hole through the back of Tom's head."


• Life, There's More: Sweet Dreams, by RLobinske (part 5): "After sitting, he turned and said, 'My dear Amy, how are you holding up?' 'I'm a nervous wreck,' Amy said. 'Paula will be fine. She's a tough girl and if I remember correctly, this was her idea.'"


• The Mageborn Cynic Chapter 5, by peetz5050 (part 3): "Looking out of the window Jane spotted some coats of arms she recognized on the elegant carriages stopped there. She sat back down and turned a speculative eyebrow toward the Magistrata. 'I know you told us the Gryphon's, the Rowling's and Lady Tio Fan and her attendants had been invited to the capitol but the upstart Ruttheimer? Who invited him?'"


• Moments in Emerald Light, by Lord Yellowtail (parts 1 and 2): "Betty isn't vain, but if asked she'll happily admit she wants her life to be meaningful. And so long as her dead-end friendships and looming collegeless, grease-filled future is her fault, her bad decisions coming back to bite her, she's perfectly happy to tell destiny to shove off. Because as long as it's all on her, there's a chance she can get out. Somehow." (Part 2)


• Quinn the Psychopath, by SacredDust (part 11): "Daria locked the door securely behind her. 'Glad you could make it.' Sandi frowned at their dull and grimy surroundings. 'Ewww. You would pick a place like this.'"


• Something Quick (Angst-Off!), by PrecambrianStudios (COMPLETE!): "DeMartino regarded the box on his desk with an odd sense of regret he could not quite place. Inside were the meager possessions he kept inside his desk: three mechanical pencils, two pens, a highlighter, a pair of rusty scissors, his favorite CD, and the only picture of his parents he had left."


• Veronica's Story : The Highland Years, by ST91 (part 3): "The one Jake had during what seemed a normal working day was cool and bad at the same time . In fact, at first he was very happy to see his odious boss arrested , found guilty of evading taxes for twelve years. Then he realized what that meant. He was a 42 year old unemployed man with three daughters to support."


• Unintended Providence (Iron Chef: only one parent comes to Lawndale), by deneich (part 2): "'Welcome to Biblio Sanctum, can I help you?' the lady, fortyish, casually dressed in a khaki skirt and a loose fitting fuchsia sweater, said cheerfully as she worked to rearrange a shelf of books along the back wall. 'Yes. I was wondering if you were accepting applications?"


• Unnamed story (IC: Awkward/WTF Endings), by LongSnakeMoan (COMPLETE!): "The hanging body of Quinn Morgendorffer was found swinging from a beam in her parent's garage."


• Unnamed story (IC: Awkward/WTF Endings), by SacredDust (COMPLETE!): "'Look, yo,' Method Man stammered, stepping protectively in front of RZA and GZA as they trembled in each others arms. 'Me and my boys...we were just messin' with you. We didn't know you could drop rhymes like that.'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: only one parent comes to Lawndale), by macross (part 2): "The large Black vehicle carrying Helen Barksdale made its way through the large corporate park outside of Lawndale on her way to work."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria Fan-Fic Should Have: Why, oh God WHY?!), by Silver (COMPLETE!): "'Ewwwww, Daria! What's with this creepy mask?'"


• Yes, by Sofa King (parts 1 - 3): "Taking a deep breath, the bride-to-be opens her eyes and stares at herself in the full-length mirror before her. She fights back tears as she realizes, with no small amount of relief, that she is about to experience what, just a few short years ago, she had convinced herself couldn't happen." (Part 2) (Part 3)