A Toothy Problem

Mr. O'Neill is sharing some bad news in honor of Dentist's Day, which is probably that he's no better as a dentist than he was as a teacher. No wonder Mr. DeMartino--I mean, Metalmouth--lost all of his teeth.

On the other hand, those of you who can still chew food can enjoy National Frozen Food Day, and bonus points to anyone who has frozen lasagna for dinner. Just be sure to thaw it out first, okay? Not everyone has hand-forged steel dentures to eat with.

Fanfic Update!

• ВСТРЕЧА, by Shad_Tkhom (COMPLETE!): "Квин чувствовала себя ... не в своей тарелке. Что отдавало дурацким каламбуром - потому что в этот момент она сидела за столиком кафе как раз над тарелкой и задумчиво ковыряла вилкой в салате."


• Correspondence, by JPAGC (COMPLETE!): "Dear Mr. DeMartino: I write in response to your letter of the 9th February. Before I address its contents, I should state that I personally find its allegations as of being of a particularly grave nature."


• Daria: College Pains The Sophomore Year, by James the Lesser (part 5): "Jane is with... She never got his name. She had never given him hers. This was just two people helping others and when they needed it, helping each other."


• The Daria Hero, by EntrancedCat (part 1): "Daria put a bit of hustle into her walk to 111 Howard Drive. Although she was very much looking forward to that night's entertainment she also steeled herself for Jane's likely reactions."


• Unnamed story (IC: Mr. O'Neill, Student Guidance Councilor), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Attention, students! I have the honor to announce at this mandatory all-school assembly that Mr. O'Neill is being promoted!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef : MMORPG, Lawndale style), by Waylander (part 6): "Gnolls started the assault without the preliminary bombardment; ignoring the hail of arrows from the squad of Elven archers and several Dwarven crossbowmen, they placed ladders up against the Drammarstard walls and started climbing. The Healer jabbed her elbow into Darlene's side, 'Don't stand here gaping at me! You can either help us or stay out of the way!'"



• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Reject a Daria Character), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Dear Mr Thompson I'm afraid that we do not have a place at LSU for you."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Reject a Daria Character), by Princess_Pasta (COMPLETE!): "Dear Mr. Lane, We regret to inform you that your partially completed application will not be considered for admittance."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Reject a Daria Character), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Dear Mr. Ruttheimer, It pains me to write that we will not be able to offer you a place in the class entering Augusta University this fall."


• We Can't, by probablyprocrastinatingnow (part 2): "Jane picked up a handful of soggy popcorn.'Eww, Daria. There's like a gallon of butter on this.' Jane put the food in her mouth anyway, because it was food and she was Jane."


• What is Fashion?, by Smijey (part ): "'Like, it's like I can't trust anybody to tell me what fashion is,' she mused aloud. 'Things keep going wrong.' She walked past a Kay Jeweler's. 'I wish there was a way to ask, like, God, or the universe, or whatever, what I should be doing.'"


• When love takes another path, by ST91 (parts 2 and 3): "It was a cold evening in late autumn and Jake Morgendorffer, freshman at Middleton College, was walking around the campus. He didn't know where he was going because anger guided his steps." (Part 3)


• Woes (IC: Mr. O'Neill, Student Guidance Councilor), by Princess_Pasta (COMPLETE!): "'Now, I want you to tell me all about your feelings following this recent disastrous event. It must've been catastrophic for you, being at the epicenter of it all.' 'Dude, I didn't even know we had a library!'"


• You're History! (Iron Chef: DeMartino History Class), by dmsfanman (COMPLETE!): "Daria walked through the door into Mr. DeMartino's classroom. Jane followed on her heels and the two sat down in the front row on the side of the classroom nearest the door."