"I'm just the victim of a bizarre experiment in parental justice."

Helen and Jake are laying down the (unreasonable) law in this scene from "The Big House," which first aired on this day in 1997. We got to see all kinds of hidden talents in that one--Daria's harmonica playing, DeMartino's ruthless hockey skills, and Andrea's ability to suddenly show emotion.

Fanfic Update!

• ASPS, by PrecambrianStudios (part 84): "Roan Breckenridge was right behind Warville, just as Lenny had arranged for. She certainly stands out, Lenny thought, not knowing if that was a good or bad thing."


• Exorcise in Futility, by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "'OK to Cry Corral,' Jake read off a sign leaning off to one side. 'Oh, is this like some kind of western-themed thing? I love westerns! Cowboys and shoot-em-ups and The Duke!'"


• Just Add Water, by AngstandPizzaRolls (COMPLETE!): "Daria hadn't wanted to come on this stupid cruise in the first place. The sleep deprivation was bad enough, but being stuck surrounded by her classmates with no escape but the sweet release of death from the sea that would claim her if she tried to fare it."


• Quinn's Code 14: Wedding Trouble, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "It had been an ordinary day at Lawndale High. Daria Morgendorffer was releived to be approaching home after such a long day. However that relief was soon to vanish."

The Royal Ranter

Jake's enjoying a little crossdressing today, perhaps because it's the anniversary of Queen Victoria's coronation in 1838. I'm pretty sure Queen Victoria was more level-headed than Jake was, but Jake also tends to be more easily amused.

Speaking of Jake's tendency toward hysterics, today is also the day "Psycho Therapy" first aired in 2000. Fifteen years later and I'm sure Jake is no closer to resolving his stress (or lack thereof) issues.

Fandom News!

• Where do you go out? Tell everyone about what you like to do for fun.


• Take a quiz and find out just what kind of a man are you?


• Kara Wild has a question about the best place to sell or recycle old computers.


• Discuss the recent Supreme Court gay marriage decision.


• Do you have any advice for dealing with negative people? Share it in the thread.


• Read the Buzzfeed article to find out where the Daria cast are now.

I'm Sure Jake Made a Hobbit-Shaped Candle for the Occasion

Happy anniversary to Helen and Jake, who celebrate forty years of marriage today! You can see their Vows of Commitment and marvel at how far those idealistic lovebirds have come. In what direction they've gone is up to you to decide.

One of my favorite fanfics, Mike Yamiolkoski's "Committed," revolves around Helen and Jake's wedding (or lack thereof), and if you haven't read it then I highly recommend it.

Fanfic Update!

• Exorcise in Futility, by Kristen Bealer (part 3): "'JIM'S PAINTBALLING JUNGLE,' read the huge banner, '5 MASSIVE PLAYING FIELDS.' 'Oh, I remember this place!' Jake exclaimed as they got out of the cab. 'I think we all do,' Timothy said, looking around nervously."


• Lies of Life, by Princess_Pasta (part 9): "Helen hastily shut the book, unwilling to continue reading any further. It was one thing to feel like Daria and her were growing further apart. It was another to have the evidence written down in ink."


• The Loneliness of Alex, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "Alex Griffin arrived at Lawndale High as she had usually over the previous month. She walked as quickly as she could towards the buildings. However, as she approached, she noticed two unfamilar teens emerging from a blue Lexus."


• A Time For Us, by aeverett (part 5): "'You find defacing a teacher's personal property funny, Miss.. Barksdale?' Principal Angela Li asked the young woman sitting across from her who'd been attempting to stave off a chuckle unsuccessfully."

When You Wish Upon an Overachiever

Jodie's adding yet another activity to her college applications because it's International Fairy Day. For more fairy fun, check out Aloysius's hilarious Scarlett the Fairy series.

This is also Swim-a-Lap Day, so it's time to "swim, you cow, swim!" Sorry. Coach talk.

Fandom News!

• Talk about definitions of terrorism and different terrorist groups in a new thread.


• cfardell_Brenorenz29 has a Star Trek Deep Space Nine thought for everyone to consider.


• Review and discuss the new movie Jurassic World in the Weapons of Mass Distraction forum.

Yes, It Is College Yet!

Trent (or perhaps his grandfather) is on his way to college thanks to the G.I. Bill, which was signed on this day in 1944. Trent may not have to worry about paying tuition, but he'll still need to stay awake in class. I doubt he's going to have much success.

Today we also wish a happy birthday to both Carson Daly, born in 1973, and Cyndi Lauper, born in 1953. Carson Daly voiced the character David in Is It Fall Yet? and one of Cyndi Lauper's best-known songs, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," is probably Metal Mouth's least favorite.

Fanfic Update!

• The Coffee Shop, by Kuriamo22 (COMPLETE!): "A snow fell lightly outside as Daria sat in alone at a table for two at a nice little quiet coffee shop in downtown Boston."


• Daria: College Pains The Sophomore Year, by James the Lesser (part 9): "Daria sits in her Women's Lib class bored. The professor seemed to have good intentions but was reminding Daria more and more of Ms. Barch every day."


• Exorcise in Futility, by Kristen Bealer (part 2): "Panting from the exertion, Anthony looked at Timothy. 'You know something?' he asked, now calm. 'I think there might be something to that new age crap after all.'"


• General Semantics, Private Angst, by gwrtheyrn (part 48): "At the end of her teleconference with President Landon, Daria 3 found that she had agreed to participate in the operation to pursue General Audhoyo's anticipated escape attempt, in an auxiliary capacity; -- auxiliary, because no one could be sure just how useful her odd talents would prove, in a paramilitary operation."


• A Griffin Story: Conception And Homecomings, by Meester_Lee (part 1): "Lucius Malfoy apparated into the foyer. It was good to be home again after several days in that beastly city."


• Little Talks, by The High-Fiving Chimp (COMPLETE!): "Daria couldn't get the dark and distressing image out of her head. Seeing her friend sink into her grave like that. And there was nothing she could do to prevent it."


• A Time For Us, by aeverett (part 4): "Helen Morgendorffer. Ever since that Saturday afternoon over pizza with Jane, Daria had become increasingly preoccupied with dredging up memories of her family, particularly memories of Helen."

Hope She Doesn't Wipe Out!

Daria's getting ready to hang ten on this International Surfing Day, but she'd better get out of the water. Today's the fortieth anniversary of the movie Jaws, and you can't be too careful with gigantic sharks around.

Speaking of anniversaries, happy first anniversary to Outpost Daria Reborn, which rose from the ashes of the original Outpost Daria site one year ago today. Thanks, Kevin/neonhomer, for your hard work!

Fandom News!

• What's the dumbest thing you've ever done? Share your stories in the thread.


• Discuss the church massacre in South Carolina and follow recent developments in the story.


• Got a zany theory to share? Post it in the Conspiracy Theory Echo Chamber thread.

No, It's Supposed to be DON'T Panic!

It's International Panic Day, and all of Lawndale High is getting in on it. Fortunately, whatever they're panicking about can't possibly get past Ms. Li's security perimeter, so they're pretty much safe where they are. Unless someone's carrying unauthorized chocolate or forgot their hall pass.

Everyone could be panicking over Daria and Tom's sex life (or lack thereof), because today is also the anniversary of "My Night at Daria's," which first aired on this day in 2001. Not only did we gain all kinds of insight into Daria and Tom's relationship, but we also saw firsthand the ruthless efficiency of the Lawndale High gossip mill.

Fanfic Update!

• ASPS, by PrecambrianStudios (part 83): "In the driveway was a large blue van marked ALTERNAPALOOZA. Its driver emerged; a muscular young man with black hair tied into a bun, yellow eyes, and a smile a mile wide."


• Exorcise in Futility, by Kristen Bealer (part 1): "Pleased to see an appreciative audience for once, Timothy beamed. 'I suggest that each of you find a place that symbolizes your frustration and perform a sort of cleansing ritual to drive out your metaphorical demons.'"


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "'The truth is,' Daria said, 'I don't think people understand what it is I did at Bromwell....'"

Brittany's Illustrious Future Acting Career

Brittany's getting into the horror movie spirit in honor of the movie Psycho, which was released fifty-five years ago today. I'm not sure Brittany's acting ability is up to Hitchcock's standards, but she will do a nude scene if it's crucial to her character.

This also happens to be the anniversary of "Too Cute," which first aired on this day in 1997 and showed us just how shallow Quinn and the Fashion Club could be. We also met Brooke, who turned out to be surprisingly popular in fanfic considering she really only featured in the one episode.

Fandom News!

• The Sidhe is showing overseas folk Aussie stuff in a new thread.


• Which Daria character would you date/hook up with?


• Share your thoughts on the cartoon crossover that shouldn't be made.


• Congratulations to John Takis for getting a short story published!

Viva Mack!

Mack's feeling very revolutionary because today is the anniversary of the birth of Che Guevara in 1928. Never mind overthrowing governments, though--I think he's just rebelling against the nickname "Mack Daddy." Or should that be "rebellent"?

Fanfic Update!

• ASPS 3, by PrecambrianStudios (part 6): "The first thing that Jonathan Fahrner and Patrick Jarmel, seniors, best friends, and lax bros, noticed when they were outside was: One: there were a few girls walking around. Two: there were no CSOs in sight. Then, a third realization hit them and hundreds of other male Fielding students like a truck: today was Bitchmas."


• Badass, by LadieTAG and The Angst Guy (part 1): "The Ideas of March always has a way with turning the world upside down. I was coming out of Cranberry Commons when I saw her walk in."


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 5d): "Jane stared down at the younger girl and chuckled. She'd certainly never expected to have Stacy Rowe in her bed. She hadn't expected her to be so interesting either."


• The Kiss, by dmsfanman (COMPLETE!): "This room had been her home away from home for almost two years. She had returned from spring break in Lawndale on Friday in order to spend the weekend in Boston. Tom had come up from Bromwell in Newtowne in order to be with her. Classes would resume tomorrow, and the real countdown to graduation would begin."


• Lies of Life, by Princess_Pasta (part 8): "In came Daria, a few stray hairs falling around her ears as she carefully carried two cups of coffee. Monique briefly glanced at the clock behind her, the time reading fifteen to ten. She couldn't help but chuckle to herself; she just knew Daria would show up early."


• My Little Girl is So Beautiful, by macrossfan89 (part 1): "'Shouldn't the nurse have brought our baby back by now?' 'There probably just taking a little longer than they thought Helen.'"


• A New Beginning, by LadieTAG (COMPLETE!): "Rita and Erin entered the restaurant to see Amy, Quinn, and group of people she didn't recognize standing up. As they made their way towards the group, Amy looked up and instantly paled."


• Rising with the Machines... Cynically, by Kuriamo22 (part 4): "Daria laid in bed in her darkened room late on Sunday. Her eyes were slightly red, and tears slowly rolled down her cheeks."


• A Time for Us, by aeverett (part 3): "'Does this mean you're boinking my brother?' the 11-year-old Jane Lane asked nonchalantly as she skipped down Dega Street on the way to the art store she'd always wanted to purchase supplies from but had been hitherto forbidden to by her parents."


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "Daria moved, reaching out. It wasn't a fast movement, but it was sudden enough that it made me jump."


• When I'm Gone, by CaffeineAddict94 (part 1): "The clock on the dashboard of Amy Barksdale's new sedan blinked 12:00 AM, just one testament of her inability to keep to any real schedule."

Roses Are Red, Tom's Feeling Blue

Don't throw your roses away today, because it's Red Rose Day! I'm sure that's not any comfort to Tom, though, who just got stood up. Poor guy, but maybe Daria's more of a carnations kind of girl anyway.

Fandom News!

• Listen to the latest Lawndale Lowdown podcast from ognawk and Princess_Pasta!


• Can anyone make it to the EM-con in Nottingham?


• What are you doing today? Tell everyone what you've been up to lately.


• A Daria character made it on a list, and you decide if he belongs there or not.


• View the 10 Fonts Designers Love to Hate and post in the follow-up thread, Why do people hate comic sans?


• Robyn posted a new Iron Chef in Creative Writing: Daria in the Past.

Somewhere Over the Overly Extreme Security Measures

Ms. Li wants everyone to know that today is the anniversary of Judy Garland's birth in 1922. Also, pay no attention to the principal behind the curtain.

Well, my vacation's over and now it's time for the long-delayed...

Fanfic Update!

• Daughters of Avengers, by martp2 (part 1): "'We need to talk.' Jake stated when he saw his girls come down. He truly loved both girls as if they were his own, however he knew that it was time to tell them the truth."


• Down Under Daria, by Madmaper13 (prologue): "Helen walk out the front doors of her office building and approached a blue Lexus ideating in a no stoping zone, getting in she quickly spoke 'Jake, what is so important to discuss that you say we should have a lunch meeting.'"


• A Few Years Difference, by vlora (part 19): "Ever since Daria rolled into town he found himself standing straighter, focusing harder, trying to pretend he wasn't a total slouch. He hadn't succeeded thus far."


• Fifteen Years Later, by Meagana (parts 3 and 4): "Daria wasn't sure why she kept the PR firm job after her third book she didn't need it." (Part 4)


• Fire Fighter!, by Vlora (COMPLETE!): "'Hey.' 'Hey.' Trent stepped aside so Tom could get in. 'Janey's in her room.' 'Right.' 'Right.' Trent echoed for a second time. The boy never said more than two words to Trent, not unless he needed something."


• Hit the Blum-Deckler, by Kondu Min (part 1): "Being woken up to 'Say Good morning to Aunty Daria' made her wished that she was just undergoing a nightmare."


• A Hobbit's Quest for Knowledge, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (prologue): "Rosa Proudfoot entered the Frogmorton Branch of the Shire Library. She was curious about something."


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 5b): "Gwen's eyes opened wide and she leaned forward. 'Jodie Landon's Party? Like, with the seniors who just graduated? The popular ones?' Quinn was surprised. She was so used to going to all the popular parties that she never even thought about it anymore."


• Lawndale and Sandi Griffin's Genie (Chapter 8), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 11): "Sandi fell off the mountain onto the ground. She took the book out and noted that there were no further wishes. 'It has to be, like, around this pile somewhere,' she decided."


• Lawndale's Finest 3: The Brave and the Bold, by NightGoblyn (part 3): "The goth looked up in time to see a silver sedan, horn blaring and tires shrieking against the asphalt, bearing down on her. She threw her arms up and screamed in terror."


• Lies of Life, by Princess_Pasta (part 7): "A light knock on his door caught his attention and he went to open it. 'Hey.' Jane stood out in the hall, dressed and ready for school, 'You alright?' He sighed, wondering exactly when she started worrying about him rather than the other way around."


• Midnight Stories - Psy Room, by JPAGC (COMPLETE!): "lying down on the couch, Stacy Rowe stared at the ceiling, her hands folded over her belly. '...Did I tell you that I used to hang around the boys a lot before eighth grade?' she said, not moving from her position."


• Play, rewind, repeat, by elainefr (part 1): "She flipped on the light as she entered her home. Everything was just as she'd left it.....for better or worse."


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Kuriamo22 (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane stood in line at a multidimensional transit center on some bug alien planet that Daria honestly couldn't be bothered to remember the name of. Possibly because she was buzzed."


• Video Assignment Chaos, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "At Lawndale High School, the first class of the day was in session. '...So, as an exercise in living literature you'll all be making your own movies,' Mr. O'Neill said. 'We have Brittany to thank for that exciting suggestion.'"


• A Time For Us, by aeverett (parts 1 and 2): "Daria sat on the steps just outside of Lawndale High and rested her head against the cold metal railing. She was emotionally beat and for someone who tried to avoid highly charged circumstances, she had very little tolerance for emotional overload to begin with."

Please Don't Poison Your Best Friend, Okay?

Daria and Jane are celebrating Best Friends Day, although I'm not sure it's necessary to be singing for this one. Still, it seems to be making them happy, so who am I to judge?

Today is also Name Your Poison Day, and Jane's got some extra cyanide if you need some. Just don't put any in Kevin's sandwich--Daria will catch you, and it'll all turn out to be a dream sequence anyway.

Speaking of dream sequences and other strange incidents, it's time for the final installment of "Great Mysteries of Daria." I'll close the series with just a few more examples of Lawndale weirdness. The main one that's always made me wonder is, did the whole school really believe Quinn's "cousin" thing and, if not, why did they play along? Was it because Quinn was just so cute and popular no one was willing to call her on it? Or maybe everyone else really just didn't care in the first place. Another possible explanation is that no one actually did know the truth, but when Quinn admitted it Stacy and Tiffany just pretended to know all along to annoy Sandi. And really, isn't annoying Sandi reason enough to do anything?

There's one more lesser "mystery" that I wonder about every time I see the episode "Pinch Sitter." What made Jake cry during group therapy? We've seen him whine, yell, rant, and just generally rage, but actual tears are pretty rare for Jake. So what finally pushed him over the edge? Only the Guptys will ever know the answer to that one.

Well, that wraps it up for me. How about you? If there's a mystery I left out that you've always wanted to know the answer to, tell us in the comments!

Revenge of the Ficus

Quinn's getting a workout for National Gardening Exercise Day, although I'm sure fending off attacks is not what the holiday creators had in mind. But now that's Quinn's started doing it, I'm sure the plant attack exercise fad is going to skyrocket.

If that's not your idea of exercise, either, then you could always swing dance at an abandoned drive-in movie theater with Nathan and his friends, because it's also the anniversary of the opening of the first drive-in movie theater in 1933. I know they were pre-khakis commercial, but I'm not so sure about Nathan.

Speaking of mysteries, welcome to today's edition of "Great Mysteries of Daria." Last time I mentioned Metal Mouth's (or at least his dentures) cameo at the end of "Legends of the Mall." It makes you wonder if there's actually a crazed former shop teacher running around Lawndale and, if so, who will be his next victim? Does he only attack car doors or might bike tires also fall prey to his steel jaws?

And what about the other random supernatural incidents in the show, like Daria's super-healing belly button? We saw the Tommy Sherman Memorial Tree/Crutch sprout a flower in "A Tree Grows in Lawndale," which is not only weird but confusing. Did the flower symbolize Kevin's triumphant return to football? The successful removal of the rubber stopper from the bottom of the crutch? Or was it a sign that Zombie Tommy Sherman was about to return from the dead and kill everyone? There are other minor moments of weirdness, but those are the ones that stand out most for me.

Or You Could Just Hug a Very Old Cat

Quinn's looking very...mature...for Old Maid's Day, and I'm sure she'll wake up from this nightmare any minute now. It's also National Hug Your Cat Day, so if Daria ever achieved that lofty goal of turning "into an old woman alone in a one room apartment filled with thirty year old newspapers and cats," then today's the perfect day for her.

This is also the anniversary of "Aunt Nauseam," which first aired on this day in 2001. We learned a lot about the Barksdale sibling dynamic in that one, specifically what not to do. Still, it brought Daria and Quinn closer together, and is it possible that that was the aunts' plan all along? No, it really isn't.

Anyway, it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for (all two of you), the fourth segment of the "Great Mysteries of Daria" series. This time I'm discussing the fantasy (or are they?) episodes--"Depth Takes a Holiday" being the most notable example. Debate has raged, or at least simmered, in the past over whether that episode is canon, a dream, a hallucination, or who knows what else. It seems unlikely to be based in reality, but we never see anything that specifically indicates otherwise in the episode. The fact that it never gets mentioned again doesn't really matter; few of the episodes really impact later events anyway. And honestly, if you'd gone through a wormhole behind the Good Time Chinese Restaurant dumpster, you'd probably keep quiet about it, too.

The same thing goes for the musical episode, "Daria!" Did the events of the episode take place, singing and all? Or was it a fantasy episode of some kind? It would almost have to be, because I can't imagine Daria willingly singing in public under any circumstances. (Okay, embarrassing her family at Pizza Forest being a rare exception.)

Obviously most of "Legends of the Mall" was fantasy, because each sequence was framed by a character telling it as a story. Still, you can't forget those metal dentures on Helen's car at the very end. So if Metal Mouth is real, then what about the rest of the episode? Is there really a Rattling Girl of Lawndale? Is there a girl buried inside a bomb shelter somewhere in Lawndale? And was that red-haired woman actually Upchuck's mother? We'll never know.

She's Even Got the Royal Wave

Brittany has apparently just re-enacted the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II, which happened on this day in 1953. I'd keep a close eye on that corgi if I were you, Brittany. Whatever you do, don't let your brother near it.

And now for the third installment in the "Great Mysteries of Daria" series: character superpowers. Okay, so none of the characters in canon technically had any of the traditional superpowers like flight or laser blasts, but there were some odd things going on on the show from time to time. For example, was Quinn's past life regression as Cleopatra real or fake? It's hard to believe that Quinn could put on such a convincing act, particularly since it would require at least a little bit of historical knowledge. Not only that, but Quinn as Cleopatra does fit disturbingly well.

It wasn't just the central characters that seemed to have special abilities, either. The backgrounder Shaggy was shown to be able to both time travel and bilocate, among other things. We can only hope he only used those powers for good...or at least solving mysteries with a talking dog.

Finally, Trent's ability to fall asleep under every possible circumstance--during an almost-hurricane, while holding a guitar, and so forth--could qualify as a superpower as well. Not to mention the ability of certain teachers to hold onto their jobs in spite of their blatant discrimination, strangling attempts, and/or complete ineptitude.