Rrrr...BEEEEEEP!

Upchuck is planning to change the message on his father's answering machine for National Inane Answering Message Day, but he can't decide between these classics from The Daria Diaries:

"This is Charles. I can't come to the phone right now, because I am occupado. I could tell you what I am doing, but let's not ruin the mystery. At the tone, leave your name, number, and the time you called, and I will get back to you as soon as I can tear myself away from my life of intrigue, about which I cannot be specific, lest I put both my life and yours in danger."

"No, no...not now, girls! This is Charles Ruttheimer the Third, and you have reached my answering machine...please, ladies, patience!...speak clearly at the tone and...I'm on my way, my dears!...they so hate to be kept waiting...anyway, I'll get back to you as soon as possible...if this is an emergency, well, so is a woman on fire!"

"You have successfully contacted the underground grotto of The Ruttheimer Group, currently engineering our secret plan to achieve world domination by the year 2010. If you would like to know more about our plans to gain global control of mass media, subjugate the military forces of every nation on Earth, and install Charles Ruttheimer the Third as supreme ruler of all humankind, please leave your name and address at the beep, and we will send you an informative brochure and a free bumper sticker."

I guess he's a little late on that last one, but there's always next year!

Fandom News!

• AHT wishes everyone a Happy (Chinese) New Year.


• Share the funny stuff you've found in The Trump Administration Decompression Thread.


• What's your favorite line from a Daria fanfic?

Pride, Prejudice, and Pollock

Daria and Quinn are (most likely) portraying Elizabeth and Jane Bennett in honor of the anniversary of Pride and Prejudice being published on this day in 1813. I can definitely see parallels between Daria and Elizabeth's wit and sarcasm, but Quinn as kind and gentle Jane? That's a little trickier.

One hundred and five years ago today, Jackson Pollock was born. Without that abstract painter, Jane would have had no inspiration at all for her school dance in "Daria Dance Party." Oh, and we would have lost out on a lot of artwork, too.

Finally, this marks the DFB2's 3,000th blog post! Woo hoo!

Fanfic Update!

• The Appointment, by elainefr (part 5): "Helen watched the brother and sister as they talked. Both showed remarkable strength, in her opinion. There were no outbursts of woefulness, nor was there the flooding of tears as she thought that there might be."


• Daria Ravenclaw: No Country For Unpleasant Old Men, by Meester_Lee (parts 4c and 4d): "Arcturus was relieved to let Iago lead him away from the company of the Faux-Ceciley. 'I see you were busy making friends, Sir,' said Iago." (Part 4d)


• Moonstruck, by NightGoblyn (part 17): "Eventually all six girls were standing on the castle side of the river, except for Jodie who was sitting on a large, flat rock. Ahead of them a small town lay in ruins, the buildings empty shells that had mostly collapsed under the weight of time and water."


• A.R.C Chapter 8 Sighted by a condor, by ST91 (part 6): "'Seriously Jane, you look amazing! How did you do it?' asked Daria. 'It was easy, I just had to take some clothes from my sisters' wardrobe and apply some makeup.' answered Jane."


• This is my stop, by Honey-On-Toast (parts 3 - 5): "Jane escorted Daria home, offering to carry the journal this time. It wasn't that late, but the street was dead silent, so much that the only distinct noise was from their clopping boots on the pavement." (Part 4) (Part 5)

Uhh...Crikey?

Let's all say "G'day" and other cliches to Daria, the Australian fans, and anyone else celebrating Australia Day today. Aside from Jesse's Crocodile Dundee alter ego, I don't recall any other references to Australia in canon, but if you know of any I've overlooked then please share them in the comments!

Today is also National Peanut Brittle Day, so this would be a good opportunity to turn that leftover peanut butter from the last blog post into candy. Unless you're Jake, in which case it's never a good idea to do anything in the kitchen. Trust me.

Fandom News!

• Wouter explains why he hasn't been very active lately.


• See the latest news about Axanar Productions' fan-supported Star Trek film.


• Does anyone else see similarities between Quinn and a character from Black Mirror?


• Vote in the Big Brother Lawndale poll: It's a question of romance.

Go Ahead, Let it Hijack Your Brain!

Daria and Jane are taking an unorthodox approach to National Peanut Butter Day, perhaps because Daria's gone off peanuts entirely after her stint at It's a Nutty, Nutty, Nutty World. Honestly, can you blame her? Jake, on the other hand, would probably be more than happy to whip up another batch of Thai peanut sauce!

Today is also Beer Can Appreciation Day, and I'm sure both Kevin and Ms. Barch's ex-husband (with his pyramid of "Beers of the World" empties) can get behind that one. I suspect that isn't the only similarity between the two, either.

Fanfic Update!

• Cops And Robbers And Magic, by psychotol (part 8): "Matilda had staked out a location on top of a grain silo at a farm on the edge of town, and settled in to scour the fields for aliens. Specifically that one with the stripy horns and head tails."


• The Life of the Mind, by Two-Eyed Charlie (part 4): "The sun sure as hell was bright that afternoon, and a soft breeze kept inserting my hair directly into my mouth."


• Moonstruck, by NightGoblyn (part 16): "'Did the flowers make us fight?' Stacy asked. Nervously, she reached up and found the flower she'd plucked had vanished from her hair. 'Was that my fault?'"


• On The Road, by elainefr (part 34): "Brad had heard her when she came out of the bathroom, but he hadn't seen her since he had just come back from getting the delivery order from downstairs."


• This is my stop, by Honey-On-Toast (parts 1 and 2): "What had started out as a relatively innocent task had developed into a reluctant exploration of one of the most infamous parts in town. For a solid 10 minutes, Daria and Jane stood and stared at the abandoned Lawndale psychiatric hospital." (Part 2)


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria Team-Up), by tjdolf (COMPLETE!): "The dull little town lacked most things, but at least it had plenty of sacred cows. What did these losers see in a miserable, talentless drug addict like Kurt Cobain?"

Here Kitty, Kitty--GAH!!!

Jake's opening up the floor to Mr. Whiskers for National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day, but I'm not sure Mr. Whiskers feels like having a conversation. He strikes me as a "claw your eyes out first, ask questions later" type. Good luck, Jake!

Fandom News!

• The deadline to nominate for The 2016 Daria Fanworks Awards is tonight! Be sure to send in yoru choices for written and visual works.


• Read and discuss Two-Eyed Charlie's essay "Daria: The Humour and the Humanity."


• RLobinske is thinking about some sci-fi standards. What are your thoughts?


• See the trailer for the upcoming movie Colossal.


• Can you help Rémi, who's having trouble completing a fanfic?

What a Cheesy Penguin Costume!

Clearly Sandi will do absolutely anything to make sure people notice her, even disguise herself as a penguin on Penguin Awareness Day. I wouldn't gloat too much, Sandi. There are members of fandom who might take too much of an interest in you now!

Today is also National Cheese Lover Day, so make sure you celebrate! Whether it's by wrestling Mr. DeMartino for the last Lincoln Cheese-Flavored Log or spreading the processed variety on pizza to share with Ted, there are plenty of Daria-themed ways to enjoy.

Fanfic Update!

• Brittany's Equation (IC: Mix them up. DariaXDaria Crossover!), by Indigo (COMPLETE!): "Brittany Taylor was a girl on a mission. It was not military in nature, although Brittany had a hidden aptitude for such things. It was an act of friendship from Brittany, on behalf of Daria Morgendorffer."


• Daria Ravenclaw: No Country For Unpleasant Old Men, by Meester_Lee (part 4b): "The next morning Arcturus felt the sensation of awakening in a strange bed and seeing light stream in through the gap in the drawn curtains."


• Friends and More: a story about Mack, by 11tee (part 2): "The woman stepped into the pizza parlor and wiped her feet ever so slightly. A quick scan and then she walked toward an empty table sitting across the Mack."


• Imprint (Daria and the Gang Thread II), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Daria knew that her decision to marry Tom would be a difficult one, and not just for social class reasons."


• I've Got To Be Direct, by Honey-On-Toast (COMPLETE!): "Since that peculiar evening with Jane during the weekend, there's been a noticeable sense of difference detected between me and her." (Part 3)


• Moonstruck, by NightGoblyn (part 15): "Daria saw a multicolored light streak past, plucking Jane and Jodie out of their certainly deadly falls and shooting away towards the trees far below. 'Goth girl!' Stacy shouted as she zipped away. 'Quit falling and help me!'"


• On The Road, by elainefr (part 33): "'You talk to your sister lately?' Trent asked his girlfriend that was standing beside him, cutting the potatoes while he did the carrots."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria Team-Up), by 11tee (COMPLETE!): "She was sweeping the sidewalk in front of the shop. The shopkeeper, an older man by the name of Axl, was tending to a customer as a pair youth her age played on the sidewalk outside."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria Team-Up), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "Jane couldn't keep the smirk off her face. 'So - dazzling academic achievement, eh? What a sellout.'"

Beats a Mention in Val Magazine!

Daria's engrossed in a little reading about herself right now because fifteen years ago today, she was featured in an article in Animation Magazine as the series came to a close. You can read the article, including Glenn Eichler's comments about the show, to see what you think.

Fandom News!

• Don't forget to to send in your 2016 Daria Fanworks Awards nominations! Nominate written and visual works at the links.


• Play a new game: Caption this Picture!


• RLobinske shares a free resource for writers who want information on diseases.


• Roentgen posted a new Iron Chef in Creative Writing: Daria Team-Up.

Do QBs Taste Good with Ketchup?

You'd better observe Appreciate a Dragon Day, because Brittany looks like she's in a seriously bad mood. Either Kevin cheated on her again or she caught Brian playing with her pom poms. Either way, at least she's probably been fed recently.

Today is also National Nothing Day, so this would be a good day to ponder "the idea that the negative, which is the nothingness of being, and the annihilating power both together, is nothingness." Or just put on a black turtleneck and beret and call yourself existential. Your call.

Fanfic Update!

• bones cast in a little low, by ashleykay (part 3): "Waking up in Penny's room was different, the small window spread only the thinnest rays of light, they barely reached the bed that sat like a couch where it was hunkered and low and seemed to squat against the corner."


• Daria Takes Charge, by dmsfanman (part 10): "It was a cold January morning and Daria stood in her office staring out the window. The sun was barely up."


• I've Got To Be Direct, by Honey-On-Toast (part 1): "I've been staring deadpan at my painting for nearly an hour. For nearly 2 weeks, I've been experimenting, a personal project so to speak."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria Team-Up), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Daria felt that she had truly been transported into another era by the man's tale. She felt she finally had her answers, but now it was time to go. 'Thanks for seeing me,' she said to the old man in the wheelchair."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria Team-Up), by Two-Eyed Charlie (COMPLETE!): "Daria Morgendorffer's car slid into it's parking spot, and with a fairly audible crack she pried her fingers from the steering wheel. Driving in America was stressful enough, but staying calm while every muscle in her body screamed that she was on the wrong side of the road was a down-right impossible task."


• We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this shocking popular report... (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: 600 Years Afterward), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "[Camera switches on/ Quinn smiles darkly into the night-filter screen]"

Happy Birthday, Toulouse le Dreck!

Happy birthday to musician Dave Grohl, also known as the voice of Daniel Dotson in Is It Fall Yet? I'm pretty sure Grohl is a much less repulsive person than his character was. He could hardly be more so, anyway.

Today is also the fifteenth anniversary of the airing of "Look Back In Annoyance." Although it was, as Daria put it, "a cheap-ass clip show," it had a few amusing moments. It also revealed that Daria dated four members of N'Sync. Which member got left out, and why? We'll never know. Fanfic fodder, perhaps?

Fandom News!

• Please remember to send in your nominations for The 2016 Daria Fanworks Awards! Click the links to nominate written and visual works.


• breitasparrow started a Daria art thread for 2017.

I Thought I Heard "Personality," but That Can't be Right

Spatula Man is here to celebrate radio personality Howard Stern's 63rd birthday. I'm sure Bing's somewhere around here as well--to Daria's chagrin. Don't worry, Daria, I'm sure another blast of your sour mood will scare them off. It's worked once before, after all.

Fanfic Update!

• bones cast in a little low, by ashleykay (part 2): "She stood dripping at the phone stand. It soaked in the carpet and she thought of taking off her boots. Of going to her parents house. Of calling a cab and finding an Amtrack and not looking back. "


• Cops And Robbers And Magic, by psychotol (part 7): "Matildas team had located the enemy stronghold, essentially a dormitory for a 'youth adventure camp,' which was stocked to the gills with illegally modded AR15s, various gas operated shotguns and ammo for such."


• Daria Ravenclaw: No Country For Unpleasant Old Men, by Meester_Lee (part 3f and 4a): "'Merlin's beard,' said Arcturus. 'What happened?' The old wizard quickly moved to see what had happened to his house elf. As he approached the rest area's shelter, he was overwhelmed by a revolting smell, one that made him almost ill."


• Moonstruck, by NightGoblyn (parts 13 and 14): "Daria lurked in a corner, checking her watch every few minutes as sunset crept closer and closer. The dance had been going strong for almost thirty minutes and nothing terrible had happened." (Part 14)


• Returning Home, by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "It was a thursday. Thursdays were fine. Mondays were fine too, but wednesdays and fridays weren't so good. The weekends was always worst. Then he would just sit at home, listen to music, drink a beer in the evening and ask himself when he had stopped caring."


• Too Cute--the Facebook Edition (Iron Chef: Facebook episodes), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "Kevin Thompson updated his profile picture."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: 600 Years Afterward), by UU (COMPLETE!): "'Daria, are you a team player?' 'Pretty much never ever.'"


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'...And so on Halloween the Great Pumpkin arrives in the pumpkin patch to give presents to all the good girls and boys.' Kevin finished explaining into his handheld camera while setting it on a tripod."

Let's Give It a Hand...I Mean, Leaf!

The Morgendorffer houseplant is ready for Houseplant Appreciation Day, although I don't think anyone's really appreciating it in that house. I seriously doubt it's even getting watered regularly, which probably explains the missing leaf. Come to think of it, is it even certain that the plant is real, rather than plastic?

Fandom News!

• It's time to nominate for the 2016 Daria Fanworks Awards! Read the rules and click the links in the thread to submit your choices.


• View the video of all of Daria's appearances on Beavis and Butt-Head.


• Eliad is looking for stories that involve one-sided slash.

He's Typing Almost Five Words Per Minute!

Jake's celebrating Typing Day, although I suspect he leans more toward the "hunt and peck" school of typing than anything else. Still, he knows enough to crash his computer, so props for that.

Today is also Male Watcher's Day, which I suspect Jane will be observing with enthusiasm. Unless she really is just interested in getting a pair of those shoes.

Fanfic Update!

• bones cast in a little low, by ashleykay (part 1): "The year had not let up, the winter and spring had limped along, staggering with terrible heat that left an airless feeling hidden behind every building."


• Daria Ravenclaw: No Country For Unpleasant Old Men, by Meester_Lee (part 3c - 3e): "By now the remaining victims of the robbers, magical and muggle, customers and restaurant staff, realized that the robbers had been taken down and that the danger was over. Conversation began again, howbeit mostly with low murmurs." (Part 3d) (Part 3e)


• Daria, the Radio serial, by Roentgen (part 14): "JAKE: I hope the kids are having a good time at Middleton. HELEN: It's a pity they get to have their hi-jinks while we wait for the Bursar."


• Freezer Burn (IC: "It's not what it looks like!"), by neonhomer (COMPLETE!): "With snow falling on the ground, Daria quickly put on her heavy jacket and went outside. As she walked down the driveway to the sidewalk, she heard a rustle from a nearby bush. She turned to face the bush, to see someone kneeling behind it, trying to hide."


• Moonstruck, by NightGoblyn (part 12): "Daria stomped down the hallway, turned a corner, and continued full-steam towards the school's front doors. She couldn't believe Jane thought this was some kind of fantasy or joke or, well, whatever it was she thought. Couldn't she see how serious this was?"


• Not Playing dumb, by Indigo (COMPLETE!): "Daria could not believe her ears, It had started with Jane Lane accusing Daria of causing problems between Jane and her boyfriend, Tom Sloane, and now Jane's brother, Trent, seemed to think that Tom had designs on Daria."


• On The Road, by elainefr (part 32): "Their kisses were hurried fevered in the darkness of the room. No words had been spoken in the car ride…none were necessary. They both knew what was to take place."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef : MMORPG, Lawndale style), by Waylander (part 21): "General Marshall Castelmore was killed during the siege of Hirtsaam by a stray catapult shot. Our source was unable to find out if the catapult was tampered with, but he confirmed that Castelmore announced his plans to retire from Crimson Legion and already named his successor."


• Unnamed story (Roentgen's Jet-Pack Wearing, Futuristic Ideas Thread!), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Daria waited backstage at the small theater in New York's Financial District. Her friends had pushed her into taking 'The Cynical Monologues' on the stage and she regretted it from the very beginning."


• Unwanted Company (IC: "It's not what it looks like!"), by nightbeast37 (COMPLETE!): "'I don't know what you're doing around town without your fashion friends, but can you at least stop bothering me?' Tiffany had been following Jane for a few minutes."

Cuddle Up or Burn a Heretic!

Jake and Helen are looking cozy together for Cuddle Up Day, and it's too bad that this is just a fantasy sequence. They can make a very cute couple when they want to.

Today is also supposed to be the anniversary of Joan of Arc's birth in 1412. The heroine and martyr was mentioned in the episode "Arts N' Crass":

Jane: You're a real Joan of Arc, you know that?

Daria: Yeah, and I think I just ordered a stake.

Fandom News!

• Riddle me this and join in a new game.


• Can you answer tafka's question about online banking?


• Discuss the hate crime beating in Chicago.

Oxidizing Gravity

Jake's trying to celebrate National Spaghetti Day, but Helen's not making it easy. For starters, he's got the wrong kind of pasta. For another, it's hard to enjoy any food when you have to pick it out of your hair first.

It might be that Helen was just trying to give a demonstration of gravity in honor of Isaac Newton's birth on this day in 1643. Apples, penne a la pesto; it's the same principle either way.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria, the Radio serial, by Roentgen (part 13): "(Car pulls to a halt.) JAKE: Why here we are girls! Middleton College. HELEN: It's like I never - hey! What are those men doing on campus? KATIE: Men? Where? DARIA: Mom, it looks like Middleton went co-ed when no one was looking."


• Down By the Bay, by Two-Eyed Charlie (COMPLETE!): "As I yanked a third offensive looking Hawaiian shirt from my suitcase, I couldn't help but remember a word of wisdom I had read in a book somewhere: never, ever let your parents buy you anything under the influence of alcohol."


• Edicius, by elainefr (COMPLETE!): "'Come on, breathe damn it!' (v/o) His voice sounded very far away. 'That's it; you can- do it-' She opened one eye, then the other. Slowly, Trent's face came into focus. She spit up water and coughed before righting herself into a sitting position."


• Fashion (IC: "It's not what it looks like!"), by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "As much as Sandi did not like to admit it, it all started with Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. As little as she liked that fact, the movie was an eyeopener."


• On The Road, by elainefr (part 31): "'Ouch!' 'Sorry.....sort of,' she sheepishly apologized for being the cause of the back of his head slamming against the wall. Then, she kissed him with fevered passion."


• A.R.C Chapter 8 Sighted by a condor, by ST91 (part 5): "That morning Daria would have preferred to stay in bed but she had a promise to keep. Also she was sure that if she had not got up her mother would come and would have dragged her by her feet."


• Title redacted (IC: "It's not what it looks like!"), by tjdolf (COMPLETE!): "That feeling when a project comes together naturally. That feeling when someone has a great idea and is willing to pay money to have it realized. That feeling when a project is finished and has turned out great."

A Feisty Holiday

I think someone should explain to Upchuck that Run It up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes It Day refers to ideas rather than to people. Still, I think that's a pretty good place to keep him, as long as he can keep his balance. I doubt anyone will be saluting, though.

Today is also National Science Fiction Day, in honor of author Isaac Asimov, who was born in this day in 1920. Daria and Jane might celebrate with another sci-fi convention, unless they think Artie might show up. If so, they'd be better off staying home.

Fandom News!

• Brother Grimace reveals how Quinn would handle being dumped on Christmas.


• Tell everyone about your favorite interesting foods.


• Vote in a new Deadliest Warrior poll: MacGyver vs. Jack Ryan.


• Share your thoughts on the upcoming TV show Riverdale.


• Wassersauefer and Brother Grimace posted new Iron Chefs in Creative Writing: It's not what it looks like! and Conversation Whilst Being Otherwise Engaged.