BACK in the SADdle Again!

Mr. DeMartino has found a new career by following in the footsteps of Gene Autry, who was born on this day in 1907. While "singing cowboy" doesn't offer that much more dignity than "teacher," it does mean that he doesn't have to deal with Kevin and Brittany as students anymore. An overall win!

I have no doubt that the decreased stress will be good for his heart condition, which is great because it's also World Heart Day! Jake should be celebrating this one by avoiding things that upset him (which is just about everything) and finally telling everyone what the doctor told him about cheese.

He should probably lay off the caffeine, as well, even though it's National Coffee Day. Quinn will approve of that decision, but Helen simply will not function at her usual 200% without her morning coffee.

Fanfic Update!

• Alison's Last Word, by riotsquirrrl (COMPLETE!): "Jane mopped her brow with her bandanna and squinted at the white cube of the gallery. The show was nearly fully mounted and she still didn’t know what painting she was going to put on that last bit of wall."


• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 11): "'But mooooom! Why do we have to get Daria back?! It's not like she's important or anything anyway!' Quinn whined, stomping on the Lane's porch."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 100): "Anna Coulthard looked all around her to admire the gardens of Starlight Castle as she walked beside Lockie that cold and snowy morning. It was the very first time that she was allowed in the castle grounds after all, since she had finally completed her Agent trials four days ago, and Anna was really happy that she would be there to witness history that day."


• LLH Reboot, by roentgen (part 3): "Daria, Jane, Tom and Stacy waited outside the Major's office. It was time for the 'lessons learned' part of the training exercise."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Officer Peterson was still on duty at the station. William was still in one of the cells, waiting for his parents to come with their part of the story, and for transport back to the hospital as a patient. She knew it was going to continue to be a mess."

Hugh Hefner He is Not

I don't think this is quite the intention of National Bunny Day, and frankly the look on Upchuck's face is making me feel slightly ill. I'm betting that Quinn would much rather hang out with the Trix Rabbit, who supposedly stayed with the Morgendorffers when Quinn was little, in spite of his tendency to leave the milk out.

The Fashion Club might even be willing to put up with Bing and the Spatula Man in honor of Morning Show Hosts Day if it gets them away from Upchuck. A less annoying option would be an episode of "Good Mornings with Daria and Jane," the hypothetical talk show from the Is It College Yet? alter egos.

One way or another, I think it's pretty likely that Upchuck will be celebrating National Singles Day as soon as the girls get tired of putting up with him. I give it another thirty seconds, tops.

"It's only a matter of time...."

Quinn is enjoying World Dream Day, but something tells me that her dreams aren't nearly as lofty as the holiday would normally intend. Still, at least her dreams are probably more pleasant than some of the nightmares Daria experienced in the show. That girl's subconscious was a terrifying place.

In fact, I would suggest Daria observe National Psychotherapy Day, but very few of the psychological "experts" on the show were particularly helpful. From Ms. Manson to the staff at Quiet Ivy, the incompetence was almost palpable.

At any rate, both Quinn and Daria could celebrate National Daughters Day by simply existing as their parents' children. Helen might prefer not to celebrate, however, as that might involve getting in touch with her mother and no one in the Morgendorffer house wants that to happen.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 10): "'Jane! Wake up!' Daria said, shaking Jane's shoulders 'What- What's up??' Jane said, sitting up on the sofa, where she had fallen asleep."

"Sister, nuke the frozen bagel."

Helen is taking National Baker Day very seriously, but I hope her cooking skills are better than Jake's. The last thing the family needs is a loaf of bread that will incinerate their taste buds on contact.

Even though today is National Checkers Day, Kevin shouldn't bother to get out the game board and demand to be "kinged" because the holiday actually refers to a speech Nixon once made about his dog of that name. This will be a tremendous relief to Tom, who probably played a lifetime of checkers against his uncle at The Cove.

We could technically observe Celebrate Bisexuality Day in fandom by bringing up Alison from Is It Fall Yet? but I don't think that's a good idea. Alison wasn't exactly the kind of character you want to celebrate, after all.

So Much for the Sisterhood

Looks like Linda Griffin and Helen Morgendorffer are pretending to like each other, or at least they will for National Women’s Friendship Day and then go right back to being passive aggressive and snide to each other at every opportunity. Like daughter, like mother, I suppose.

I assume that Jake's affection will be much more genuine for Wife Appreciation Day, and I don't think that Tom Griffin will be able to say the same. Honestly, if you had to live with Linda, you'd probably have a hard time feigning appreciation as well.

Maybe Jake can give Helen a nice gift, like another misshapen candle, which would be especially appropriate with today being the anniversary of the publication of The Hobbit in 1937. Unfortunately, brown isn't so soothing when the thing you're holding looks like a demonic mutant.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 9): "'Should I knock...? Or maybe I should wait until she wakes up...' Trent pondered, walking through the halls, specifically in front Penny's room."


• Another Kiss, by Yuuuutong (COMPLETE!): "Summer vacation, Daria and Jane were on the train back to Lawndale."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 99): "Anna looked up at the dazzling white sky for what seemed to be several hours, at some point they arrived at the frozen shores of yet another vast crystal lake and there they found a wrought iron bench just like those back at Lawndale Park, waiting for them right beside a great and surprisingly still green cypress tree..."


• I (Don't) Want to Be a Part of It, by ladyevil (part 11): "'Can you believe this?' Jane said as she showed Daria the ticket she just purchased. 'Thirteen fifty just to ride an elevator! I was hoping to take advantage of the post Easter chocolate sale at Li-Lac’s! I’ll be lucky to afford one hollow bunny in this expensive city!'"


• LLH Reboot, by roentgen (part 2): "'TEAM BRAVO, PLEASE PROCEED TO ENTER THE VAULT.'"


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 7): "'SpiderGirl?' Peterson asked. 'I have an idea,' SpiderGirl said and told Peterson her theory that turning off the lights should cause William to revert."

"Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum!"

Upchuck is fully prepared to celebrate International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which will be a welcome break from his usual "talk like a sleazebag" habit. Let's just hope--for his sake--that he doesn't ask anyone for any booty.

For those who would rather shake their booty than plunder it, today is also National Dance Day. If the dance setting is decorated in a Jackson Pollock theme, then so much the better.

Finally, let's hope Kevin doesn't decide to celebrate National Concussion Awareness Day, because the boy needs to hold onto every brain cell he has left. I suppose most of the students at Lawndale High would prefer he hit his head, however, than damage anything useful like his knee.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Robert Redford.


• Is Andrea's canon last name Haley?

Don't Call Him a Cowboy...Ever

Look out, because here comes Travis the Singing Cowboy to "entertain" us for International Country Music Day. When I say "look out," I'm talking to Travis because I think Daria's still in touch with her non-timid side and she's licensed to drive.

I'd much rather listen to Travis the pet shop canary sing, which is appropriate because it's also National Pet Bird Day! Just take care that he doesn't try to escape through the air vents and get stuck in the air filtration system again.

I hope Mr. DeMartino keeps his documentation handy in case Ms. Barch decides to call INS on him, because it's Citizenship Day and she just might be petty enough to do it. Given current events, however, the prank isn't quite so funny anymore.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 7): "'My so-called sister is having an oddly long party week. I need to find a place to stay.' Daria stated, walking out Mr. O'Neill's class with Jane."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 98): "That night Anna and Lockie Allyngard fell asleep together with the sweet crackling of the fireplace and the cries and howls of a winter storm outside."


• Know Your Foes, by roentgen (part 1): "Daria stood in what was called the 'Chamber of Secrets' at USAES. 'What do you mean, "it's all gone"?'"


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 6): "Down in the kitchen, Sandi grabbed an energy drink out of the fridge. She then saw that Sam was there."

Yes, I DO Want to be a Millionaire!

I am more than happy to take Tom up on his offer for Free Money Day, but somehow I doubt that he's sincere. After all, that's not how old money gets old. And, honestly, he should keep the money to fix his car before it falls apart entirely.

Jake will be pleased to know that today is National Linguine Day, because it gives him the opportunity to cook up another batch of non-frozen-lasagna pasta for dinner! Just don't let it oxidize, and be sure to invite Trent because linguine is probably also his favorite.

Finally, Daria should pay her friend Mrs. Blaine a visit in honor of Respect for the Aged Day, and take along her latest Melody Powers story to share. Just as long as she leaves the Ginsberg at home.

Fandom News!

• R.I.P., Polly Holliday.


• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Hazel Burke and Florence Johnston.

Good News for Mrs. Johanssen!

I see Daria and Tom have beat me to celebrating International Chocolate Day, but have no fear. I will be catching up to them in no time, and in my case the chocolate will be authorized!

For those who want two great tastes that taste great together, you could also celebrate National Peanut Day! Just take care that, unlike Trent, peanuts don't hijack your brain...moth to a flame...if you don't release me...I'll say something profane!

Once everyone's sweet tooth has been satisfied, it should be easy to observe Positive Thinking Day. Unless you're Daria, to whom "positive thinking" is an entirely foreign concept.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria in "The Gap", by SisterCatherine (COMPLETE!): "Though she would be loath to admit it, Daria had been excited for college. The change of pace was direly needed, and after learning that she wouldn’t have to part with Jane, she was as close to eager as she really could be."


• Timmy the Bully, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Quinn and Jim were both in the principal's office to discuss their son's recent aggressive behavior. Timmy sank in his chair while the principal, Joey (formerly of the three Js) explained what was going on."

Double-Booking a Date Isn't an Emergency, Either

I'm glad that Quinn is celebrating Emergency Number Day, but I hope she realizes that 911 is not intended for fashion emergencies. Jake, meanwhile, may or may not need Helen to remind him of the number for 911.

Once Quinn gets off the phone, I'm sure she'll be happy to show off her latest photos in honor of National School Picture Day. Daria will be far more reluctant, but I'd be curious to find out if she stuck with Black Clouds Swallowing Chernobyl as her backdrop or decided to switch it up and go for Deep Midnight of Despair instead.

Finally, today we observe Patriot Day by remembering those who were killed in the terrorist attack on September 11th, 2001. The Angst Guy's very first Daria fanfic, Nine-Eleven and Counting, centers around the events of 9/11.

Do Computer Errors Bug You?

Jake is super excited to learn that on this day in 1947, the very first computer bug was found. And by "bug," I mean that they found an actual dead moth in the computer. No word on whether or not anyone tried to claim that the moth was actually a feature.

If anyone wants to celebrate International Buy-a-Priest-a-Beer Day, I recommend you don't start with the officiant from Erin and Brian's wedding. First of all, he's a minister, not a priest. Secondly, I don't think that dude needs to indulge in any further vices.

On a personal note it was fifteen years ago today that I began my stint as a guest blogger for this page! Guys, I'm starting to suspect that this isn't a temporary gig after all....

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 3): "-'This, and more anticipated funerals on Sick, Sad World' 'Well, at least I'll know where to call right before I tragically die' Jane said sitting criss crossed on her bed, turning off the TV."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "However, something happened when they brought William into the daylight. He began to transform, with some of his skin stretching and his eyes turning dark."

Long Live the Queen of Sarcasm

Daria reigns supreme as Elizabeth I on the anniversary of the English queen's birth on this day in 1533. Although that looks like the most uncomfortable outfit she's ever worn--and yes, I'm including the bridesmaid's dress--I do give her credit for staying true to her usual color scheme.

Does Kevin know that today is National Beer Lovers Day? If not, someone should let him know so that he can crush cans on his head and sing his favorite song about ninety-nine bottles of beer. I have to admit, I'd be surprised to learn that he can actually count to 100, let alone backwards.

A drink might be a good idea for at least some of the Morgendorffers if either grandmother chooses to celebrate Grandparents' Day today. God help us all if both grandmothers decide to visit on the same day!

Fandom News!

• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Muffy Tepperman and Sandi Griffin.

A Cheesy Holiday

Ted is enjoying a nice big serving of processed cheese for Cheese Pizza Day, and he probably still doesn't know what process they use to make it. Hopefully Daria will take extra care to avoid cheese burn, but that's something the Fashion Club with their cheeseless pizza will never have to worry about.

Trent, meanwhile, will almost definitely celebrate Be Late for Something Day, although I don't know if it counts as "late" if you oversleep and miss the whole thing.

Finally, feel free to do something for the less fortunate in honor of International Day of Charity! You could read to seniors, help out with cow skull-related arts and crafts at the children's hospital, or just donate some go-go boots and a belly chain to a clothing drive. The sky's the limit!

Fanfic Update!

• But You Always Knew the Truth, by riotsquirrrl (part 9): "Daria unclipped the roll of film she’d hung up the night before. Holding it up to the orange light of the photo lab, she carefully snipped the film and slipped it into the plastic sleeves."


• Dungeons and Ditzes, by AngryKnife (part 1): "The TV hummed, and the announcer spoke over a dramatic guitar riff: 'Suburban Book Club Accidentally Summons Literary-Criticism-Demon During Discussion of Beach Read. A Sick Sad World Exclusive!'"


• The Muliebrity, by janendaria4life (part 6): "Camp had been going on for a couple weeks and it was the beginning of July."


• Mysteries of Aurora, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 19): "'You're also looking for others?' 'Also, for someone who does specialize in the Mid-Ancient Era,' Olivia added."


• Star Trek: Voyager Alone, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Neelix was stressing. Voyager had told him that Kes had been beamed back, but she had told him about her people’s closed minded views. He was sure that she would be affected by her brief time down there."


• Timmy the Bully, by wilddogjj (part 2): "Quinn, Jim and the triplets were at the table eating dinner while the family dog, Stripe, sat on the floor and occasionally begged for table scraps."

Brittany is Going Ape!

It seems that Brittany has decided to celebrate Skyscraper Day by climbing one, but I suspect that Kevin has had better days. Poor Brittany is going to have a difficult time fitting into her cheerleader uniform from now on, and pity the poor girls at the bottom of the pyramid!

As if Kevin's day wasn't bad enough already, it was on this day in 1970 that famed football coach Vince Lombardi died. Contrary to Mack's comments, Kevin knows without a doubt that he did not go to hell...but he might have been sending Kevin football plays from beyond the grave.

Not being much of a football fan, Quinn will probably be more interested to hear that today is eBay's 30th birthday! The site made it possible to shop without even leaving home, but I'm sure eBay will be devastated to learn that, at 30, its life is over (by Quinn's standards).

Breakfast at Daria's

Daria has embraced her inner Audrey Hepburn in time for National Little Black Dress Day, which is quite a change from her usual Longish Black Skirt apparel. Not sure if the Fashion Club would approve of the old-fashioned style, but I'll bet Nathan would appreciate the vintage look.

I hope Kevin knows that today is American Chess Day, because if he ever got around to joining the chess team then he can demand that his opponent king him. And that's the story of how Kevin was immediately kicked out of the chess team.

Finally, I hope everyone in the United States has a pleasant Labor Day, especially if you get the day off work. No chance Helen has the day off, though, even if the office is closed. Workaholics gotta workaholic!

Fanfic Update!

• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 97): "Every lightning attack was the most terrifying, dazzling and unimaginably beautiful light that Anna Coulthard had ever seen."


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 4): "Some of the café was still laid out for the party. Quinn gave William some of the leftovers as he held a cold pack to his head."