Spare a Thought for That Poor Camel!

Daria is giving Jake a little help for Thread the Needle Day, and perhaps Mr. DeMartino can give him some pointers on sewing technique. Those two really need more bonding moments, considering how much they have in common.

Travis should be grateful that Daria is armed with nothing more dangerous than a needle, because it's also National Day of the Cowboy and she may take that as an excuse to get behind the wheel of a car. As long as he keeps his folksy stories to himself, he'll probably be fine.

Ms. Li will be pleased to know that it's also Health and Happiness with Hypnosis Day, although she's more interested in gaining wealth than health. Remember to tithe your earnings!

Fandom News!

• Share the latest news about the Canadian wildfires.

Don't Call Him a Cowboy...Ever

Look out, because here comes Travis the Singing Cowboy to "entertain" us for International Country Music Day. When I say "look out," I'm talking to Travis because I think Daria's still in touch with her non-timid side and she's licensed to drive.

I'd much rather listen to Travis the pet shop canary sing, which is appropriate because it's also National Pet Bird Day! Just take care that he doesn't try to escape through the air vents and get stuck in the air filtration system again.

I hope Mr. DeMartino keeps his documentation handy in case Ms. Barch decides to call INS on him, because it's Citizenship Day and she just might be petty enough to do it. Given current events, however, the prank isn't quite so funny anymore.

Fanfic Update!

• And so what? We have free will anyway, by natalieee_139 (part 7): "'My so-called sister is having an oddly long party week. I need to find a place to stay.' Daria stated, walking out Mr. O'Neill's class with Jane."


• Her Last Words, by Sheila Wisz Ellayn (part 98): "That night Anna and Lockie Allyngard fell asleep together with the sweet crackling of the fireplace and the cries and howls of a winter storm outside."


• Know Your Foes, by roentgen (part 1): "Daria stood in what was called the 'Chamber of Secrets' at USAES. 'What do you mean, "it's all gone"?'"


• Spider Quinn 18 A Birthday and Stormy Sonnets, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 6): "Down in the kitchen, Sandi grabbed an energy drink out of the fridge. She then saw that Sam was there."

Or As Jane Calls Him, "Young Thomas"

If Tom chooses to celebrate National Thomas Day by stuffing his face with junk food, then who am I to stop him? I just hope he made sure that the gummi bears weren't already reserved for an art project. As for Tommy Sherman, well, he can get his own holiday. Preferably one about massive head injuries.

Travis, meanwhile, will be pleased to know that it's also National Day of the Cowboy. Of course, wearing a cowboy hat and playing a guitar does not a cowboy make, so I'll reserve judgment until I see him ride. And by "ride" I mean dive out of the way of crazed homicidal teenage drivers.

Speaking of Daria, today is World Brain Day and I hope she celebrates by...I don't know, thinking or something. At the very least I hope she's able to keep a safe distance between herself and any non-brains, for everyone's sake.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria: Cynic the Superheroine, by Meester_Lee (part 2): "She got home in a couple of hours and let herself in after thanking Joe for the ride and giving him some bills to help with gas money."


• Daria's Lifeline, by Faith64 (COMPLETE!): "Daria held the phone in her hand, hovering one finger over the keypad. She knew the number well enough, having called it in more than one moment of emotional crisis."


• Friend of a Friend, by Doggodoaattack (part 6): "The next day after school, Daria found herself pacing back and forth in her room. Her ‘not a date’ with Charlie had been the only thing on her mind all day."


• Grant Writer's Block, by welltemperedclavier (parts 7 - 9): "Daria had always been the stoic Morgendorffer. Even more so than mom, she’d stay calm in the wildest situation." (Part 8) (Part 9)

Step on the Gas, Daria!

Travis is hoping someone will give him a lift for National Day of the Cowboy, but I have my doubts. I mean, I've never seen him ride and the conventional wisdom says that means I can't call him a cowboy yet.

Today is also Thread the Needle Day, but the holiday doesn't say what you should do after that. I guess you should just thread all the needles until you're out of either thread or needles? DeMartino will probably want some of them to hem his pants, and I'm sure he'll do an excellent job of it.

Fanfic Update!

• Danny Morgendorffer, by ST91 (part 48): "It had been the only interesting thing of the prep course. To visit a college of your choice."

Does He Know "Well, Bust My Legs and Call Me Shorty"?

Travis is here to play us some of his favorites for Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day! I hope he sings his latest hit, "A Crazy Teenage Driver Tried to Run Me Over." It's an instant classic.

Today is also National "Joe" Day, so let's all wish a happy holiday to one third of Quinn's entourage! I'm sure Jamie wishes he had a day for his name, because then maybe--just maybe--Quinn would remember who he is.

Fanfic Update!

• Alone Again, by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "He looked at the stranger staring back at him in the mirror. Maybe stranger wasn’t the exact word- familiar stranger was closer to it, for he knew this person a bit."


• The Angel Among Us (WildDogJJ's Throwaway Thread), by WildDogJJ (part 1): "With solemn expressions on their faces Quinn, Stacy and Sandi each took turns laying a boquet of flowers on a grave. They then stood and looked at the headstone."


• Daria of Morsang-sur-Orge, by Rémi (part 1): "It was a fair day of spring, and the good city of Aachen was rejoicing : the great king Charlemagne, rightful ruler of France and Emperor of Rome, was back from the German countries, where he had fought a fierce war against the heathen Saxons."


• Daria Quarantined (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Closing Walls of Scholl Morgendorffer and Casa Lane), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Life has a funny way of kicking you in the teeth."


• Edicius, by elainefr (part 25): "'The croissants are fresh.' Jane’s voice stopped Tom before he could hurry past the kitchen and out the door."


• The Stories in D, by Lady Evil (part 7): "Panel 1: Apollo is in center frame, wings spread, appearing to careen through the air. (needs SFX)"


• The Storm (Iron Chef: QUARANTINE!), by atiyatortilla (part 1): "Well prepared was something that Trent Lane never was, even in the face of a crisis."


• Unnamed story (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Closing Walls of Scholl Morgendorffer and Casa Lane), by Lady Evil (COMPLETE!): "Not long after Daria moved in with Jane, Trent and Slash, a little black and white dog, Daria found her own little canine companion. Because she seemed so lost and because Daria was such a Shakespeare fan, this puppy (female) was named Perdita."


• A wish granted, by sarcasticsponge (part 2): "As Daria continued down the dark stone tunnel, she noticed the tunnel was becoming bigger the longer she walked. She used the strange white glow on her hands to guide her through the dark."

"Don't call him a cowboy until you see him ride."

Just because it's National Day of the Cowboy doesn't mean you're obligated to give Travis the Annoying Cowboy a ride anywhere. Just drive away, with or without running over his suitcase. Trust me; you're better off without that kind of hassle in your life.

Today is also the anniversary of the episode "Pierce Me," which aired on this day in 1998. It was one of the more shippery episodes, but don't be distracted by the cute Daria/Trent moments. The real focus of the episode should be on how Daria's belly button healed so quickly. My money's on E.T.

Fanfic Update!

• Changing Lanes, by midnightabyss86 (part 21): "The summer passed. After each midday peak, the thick heat, once intense and oppressive in its power, mellowed, and the passions between lovers and friends cooled each night."


• Chan's Crucible (Life After Thirty), by WildDogJJ (part 1): "Kevin, Jim, Mack and Chuck are sitting on the porch drinking beer and watching the sunset. 'So,' said Jim, 'Who do you guys like for the Superbowl this year?'"


• Daria Ravenclaw: The Highland Years, by Meester_Lee (parts 76 and 77): "School started the week after Daria and Quinn returned from the camp-out. Not that there were any ruffles and flourishes for the first day of school: there hadn't been any while Principal Strong had run James Ferguson Elementary School, and Principal Trimble chose not to have any, unless his insipid speech at a mandatory school assembly was supposed to be such." (Part 77)


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 27): "Erin sat in her usual Monday morning seat on her usual Monday morning train, drinking her usual Monday morning coffee, yet everything felt different."


• No Use Playing Dumb, by MorganAW (parts 1 and 2): "*Knock knock* 'Come in,' Daria said without looking up from the pages of Anna Karenena." (Part 2)

But Don't Call Him a Cowboy Until You See Him Ride

Travis is here to tell us that today is not only National Day of the Cowboy, but also the anniversary of the episode "Speedtrapped," which aired on this day in 1999. I'm not sure Travis has very fond memories of that one, though--he very nearly became roadkill thanks to Daria's sudden homicidal urges. I mean, Travis and his country music were annoying, but not run-him-over-with-a-car annoying.

Fanfic Update!

• Hunters and Lingerie (Quinn, Season 5), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Quinn has just placed a tray of fudge brownies on the counter and is coating them in chocolate frosting. In front of her is a camcorder on a tripod. She finishes coating the brownies." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Knight in shining armor, by Rémi (parts 1 - 4): "Daria and Brittany are sharing a table in Ms. Defoe's class ; Daria is effortlessly drawing, while Brittany is having a tough time. Brittany : Perspective is hard." (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria the Unreliable Narrator), by Szcz (COMPLETE!): "'So. What is next?' 'I think about something very impressive. Like a Brodway style musical. I can make some good special effects.'"

Better Late Than Never

Hi, there. Running late, I know. A regular post is coming later.

Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of the premiere of "Speedtrapped" on MTV. Daria got to demonstrate her homicidal tendencies, Quinn proved she knew how to drive but was otherwise mega-stupid, and Jane got to teach someone about Jasper Johns.

Moar on the way.

Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Erin

Today for some reason is also Cousins Day, which I don't think Daria and Quinn celebrate given what they are stuck with for a cousin. Poor Erin. Hmm, guess redheads run in the family. Cool.

It is also the National Day of the Cowboy, such as Travis the Singing Hitchhiker at right. Plenty of reasons to party today with your Daria fan friends. Go and do.

Lights Out

This shocking image of Quinn and Daria from "The Teachings of Don Jake" graphically and horrifically illustrates the most terrifying day in New England's history: The Dark Day of 1780. Yes, the sun literally went out all across Revolutionary War America, and many believed the Day of Judgment was at hand. Alas, it was not. You need only glance at the image at left to feel bone-chilling fear that thousands experienced in that nightmarish time. Or whatever.

No, really, there was a Dark Day and it was 228 years ago, and it was pretty weird. Several good websites describe the event, such as here and here. Good science reading. I know there's got to be a way to work that into a Daria fanfic, but if I'm going to mess with the sun I'd rather it just blow up, and that's already been done, so . . . oh, well.

Don't have much time to write this evening, so enjoy your fanfic and I will be back with more later. Party hearty.

Oh, while I'm gone, here's a topic to discuss: Was Daria really trying to kill Travis the Singing Cowboy in "Speedtrapped"? This debate is warming up the webpages on DariaWiki. (Click "Discussion" on Travis's page and add your own thoughts. I've had my say.)

"Howdy, pardner! You from Texas?"

Okay, here's a weird one. Since I obviously have no life, it seemed like a good idea to track down some of the Daria westerns that have been written and put them on a page in the DariaWiki, simply because no one has done that before. All right, stop laughing. I'm serious. It's a genre, right? It's been done before in fanfic, right? Yeah, whatever. Anyway, here we go.

Canon Daria has only a few references to the western lifestyle, none very deep. Quinn has a clear attraction to cowboys, per her daydream in "College Bored" and her thing with Travis in "Speedtrapped." Daria has no such attraction, but she did develop a slight taste for country & western music in "Speedtrapped," unless that was only to irritate Quinn. The Morgendorffers went to the Grand Canyon when the girls were young (per The Daria Diaries), so they've been to Arizona. Heck, they lived in TEXAS for years, so the siblings would have to know something about the Old West. Oh, and we can't forget Daria dressed up as McCloud in her dream in "Murder, She Snored," riding a horse through downtown Manhattan.

As for fanfic . . . huh, how could you do it? Well, there's movie/novel crossovers, dream worlds, reinventions & uberfics, alternate universes, and post-canon tales, all sorts of possibilities. For examples, we've got to start off with "The Cynic, the Fashionista, and the Jackass," by Doggieboy, which is a brilliant and hilarious western crossover. That's got to be the archetype for this subgenre right there. Decelaraptor did some marvelous western tales, two coming to mind in particular: "Tales of the Missouri Cheyenne" and "Daria: 1830" (scroll down), both hugely comic and true to character. "Daria 2007: The Girl from Hope" flirted with a western scene at the end, when Daria was living in Montana and rode horses (and shot rifles). And Daria lived in Montana in "Darkness," but there wasn't much of a western-theme story in that, so skip that one.

Anyone else remember any Daria westerns? It's an offbeat theme, but it does work. Sort of.

Meet Travis the Singing Cowboy

As long as we're talking about "Speedtrapped"...

Travis is your basic nice guy. He's handsome, clean cut, charismatic, cheerful, friendly, flirtatious, and funny. He tells amusing tales, plays classic country music on guitar, hitchhikes around, and doesn't curse or act mean. He claims he's going to a music audition.

What good would he be in fanfic? Well, it's possible that he:

1. Discovers he's someone's long-lost son and goes in search of his parent(s) (Jake Morgendorffer? Vincent Lane? Amy Barksdale? Angela Li? Mrs. Johanssen?).
2. Meets and starts dating a twenty- or thirty-something character from the series. (He could be gay and date Wind or Trent Lane and move into the Lane home. He could be straight and date Summer or Amy or Rita. He could be bi and date all of the above.)
3. Writes a song about Quinn that becomes a hit and causes Quinn such embarassment that she runs away from home.
4. Survives a world-spanning atomic war and meets Daria and Jane on the road in West Virginia, where they kill and eat him, not necessarily in that order.
5. Turns out to be a werewolf/ time-traveler/ wizard/ alien/ doppleganger/ robot/ clone/ DELPHI operative/ ex-boyfriend of Helen Morgendorffer/ ex-boyfriend of Kyle Armalin/ reincarnation of Travis the dead canary from "It Happened One Nut."
6. Tries to sue Daria for attempted murder and gets her convicted on Quinn's testimony, putting Daria in prison for 3-5 years, where she plots the ultimate revenge.
7. Is pleasantly delusional, with grandiose ideas that he is a famous country-music star, and wanders into Lawndale where he makes a major nuisance of himself.
8. Is actually a psychopathic murderer who puts up a nice facade when he needs to disguise himself and flee the police, but he's now looking for Daria. And maybe Quinn, too.
9. (REVISED TO BE MORE INTERESTING) Is a super-wealthy singer from Nashville with car-wreck-induced amnesia, who travels the country at random while his family searches for him, and Daria and/or Quinn recognize his picture and go looking for him.
10. Your turn. Go for it.

Daria's Killer Impulse

We all do impulsive things that we shouldn't: buying a chocolate bar while on a diet, speeding up when the light ahead turns yellow, forwarding chain letters, voting Republican in November 2000. What few of us ever do on impulse is try to kill someone, which Daria did in "Speedtrapped." Oh, sure, you can say she was just kidding around when she aimed her father's car at cute cowboy Travis by the side of the road, she wasn't really going to hit him, no harm done. Let's review the evidence. What exactly happened at the end of that episode?

We'll set the scene. The countryside is flat except for telephone poles and scrubby grass and rocks. Newly licensed Daria is driving, Quinn is riding shotgun in her cowgirl outfit, their mission to help Jane and Mystik Spiral has been accomplished. Daria, however, is still steamed over cute cowboy Travis taking Jane's $100, even if it was moron sister Quinn who willingly gave him the money for a bus ticket and a new gingham outfit. As they start the hours-long drive home, the siblings chat. The following dialog is from the episode transcript on Outpost Daria, with some tweaking based on my repeated views of the scene.

• Daria: [calm] That was nice what you said, that we make a good team.
• Quinn: [breezy] I guess sometimes being timid works just as well as being confident.
• Daria: [irked tone] I'm not timid.
• Quinn: [suddenly excited; leans out of car window, points, and cries out] Oh my gosh, look! It's Travis! [waves at Travis, who is standing with his suitcase on the two-lane highway, about 2-3 feet from the shoulder]
• Daria: [low voice] Seriously, do you really think I'm timid?
• Quinn: [still leaning out window, normal voice] Yes, but it doesn't matter. [shouts and waves at Travis in excitement] It's Travis!
• Daria: [in a flat, decisive tone, speaking as if to herself] I'm not timid. [Daria's right foot pushes gas pedal almost to the floor, engine revs up as car accelerates]
• Quinn: [back in her seat, looking anxiously at Daria] What are you doing? [looks at road ahead, eyes grow huge] Daria? [shrieks] Daria! [Travis sees car approaching and runs from highway; Quinn screams as car runs over Travis's suitcase; suitcase is smashed open and contents are scattered everywhere; Travis steps back on highway and looks at departing car with stunned expression]
• Daria: [calm, watching road ahead as Quinn looks out rear window] Okay . . . now do you think I'm timid?
• Quinn: [turns around, nervous look and tone] Um, no. Why don't we just put on some music and relax?
• Daria: [flat voice] I'll pick the music.
• Quinn: [very agreeable] Fair enough.
  

Well, there it is!

In the scene, Travis is clearly shown standing on the highway blacktop well into the lane itself. His suitcase is behind him but closer to the shoulder than he is. Daria would not have to do anything but stay in her lane to hit Travis or his suitcase. When the suitcase was struck, the car was as close to the right shoulder as it could get without running off the road. The elapsed time between the moment Travis lept from the road to the moment Daria hit his suitcase is about one second.

You can assume that Daria assumed Travis would get the hint and jump from the highway so she could hit only his suitcase. Or, you can assume she was pissed as hell and didn't care if she hit the suitcase, Travis, or both. In any event, Daria was one second from hitting Travis, and she made no effort to swerve and avoid him.

This is arguably the dumbest thing Daria ever did. It is also arguably the most evil thing she ever did, to almost kill a human being just to prove a point to her sister. Travis was at worst a moocher and didn't mind sweet-talking teenage girls out of some cash. (He didn't use the money for a bus ticket, obviously.) He didn't appear to be armed, drunk, violent, abusive, sexually aggressive, or anything other than a cheerful, good-natured, roguish hitchhiker with a guitar. He was certainly nicer than the pedophiles who appeared in "I Don't," "Lucky Strike," and The Daria Database. Daria did nothing at all to the minister who hit on Quinn at Erin's wedding. Maybe the thought that the lost money had belonged to Jane, her best and only friend, ramped up her rage.

What if Travis had been just a second too slow, was too surprised to move, or didn't believe she would really try to hit him?

The speed limit on two-lane country roads around the Chesapeake Bay area is 55 miles per hour. Daria accelerated before hitting the suitcase, so she could have been going 65-70 or faster. A sedan of the type Daria was driving weighs over 3,000 lbs., a ton and a half.

No point in doing the math for the kinetic energy that represents. It's blammo, baby. I can't believe the suitcase didn't fly a hundred feet or the car didn't flip over after running over a foot-thick obstacle at high speed, but that's cartoon physics for you. (LATE ADD: If Travis's suitcase was made of cardboard, which some cheap ones are, and he didn't have much clothing in it, then I can see the car smashing and flattening it without much difficulty.)

What does this little episode say about Our Heroine? Your turn to chime in. The Comments box is open.