Fore! Cool.

Happy Golfer's Day! Jesse does seem pretty happy playing the game, and even seems uncharacteristically alert. Perhaps he's found his true calling? Anyway, this is probably one of Jake's favorite holidays, but probably not so much for Jodie. Still, you might find her at the Winged Tree Country Club for one of her golf lessons, fulfilling yet another parental obligation.

Today is also Siblings Day, and whether or not Quinn will celebrate the holiday depends on where in the series you find her. Perhaps Helen will call Amy or Rita in observance of the day, and maybe she'll even mend a few rifts in the process. And maybe Kevin will be accepted into Crestmore.

Fanfic Update!

• Andrea's Tears, by BrownEyedBagel (part 1): "The flask in my hand starts to feel heavy. I am doing better than them. I am better than them! What’s more, I’m at least honest about my feelings. I’m not letting myself be defined by my family’s expectations or what that bitch Anglia Li wants me to be for the reputation of that damned school. For the first time in days I smile. I’m free. Alone... but free..."


• Armored Cynic Daria, Episode 1: Esteem Rising, by RX-87 (part 9): "EXT: Lawndale High. Trent, still in Active Optical Camouflage mode rockets toward the building, leaping into the air and crashing through a wall. INT: Mr. Ewing is quietly putting together some papers in preparation for next period's math class. The papers go flying and Ewing screams in terror as Trent crashes through the wall and becomes visible, the long rifle strapped to his back. TRENT: Oops. Wrong room."


• At the Crossroads...(Chapter 8), by oni (COMPLETE!): "After the doctor left, the room fell into silence. Sandi and Linda stared at each other, waiting for the other to start speaking first. With a slight push from Helen behind her, Linda went first. 'Sandi,' Linda started. 'I’m sorry about what I said earlier, but...' She was about to continue, but after receiving a look from Judy on the other side of the room, she just ended with, 'never mind.'"


• Birthday Surprise (Iron Chef: Daria character wins lottery prize), by DeacBlue (part 8): "'Hey, I've got an idea. Instead of licking stamps for the Congressman all summer like I did last year, why don't I get Dad to cover me going with you to "network overseas?"' She made the quote motions with her fingers. 'Then, either you or Jane, or both, could sleep in a suite by yourself. Everybody wins.' Daria brought her finger to her lips. 'You know, that may not be such a bad idea,' She was about to say more when they caught sight of Jane with her arm around Brittany's shoulders as the blonde was sobbing into her embrace."


• The Cats Will Play, by RLobinske (part 1): "Both of them went back to the cats and squatted next to them. Daria scratched Bump behind the ears while Michael rubbed the bridge of Sissy's nose. Daria said, 'Please don't trash the house while we're gone. My friend Cat will stop by tomorrow to check on you and then we'll be back sometime on Sunday.' Bump looked up. 'Reroewr.' 'Okay, just take some pity on your poor staff and not make too much of a mess.'"


• Cinderella By Sandi Griffin (Iron Chef - Homework assignments - Fairy Tales), by Gnome (COMPLETE!): "Once upon a time there was a wonderful woman who had left her husband because he was such a loser brain and didn't understand how important staying in fashion was and so gave her trouble about buying ten new outfits a week."


• Conjuration Fallacy (IC : Daria and the School of Magic), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "Charles sighed. 'My dear friends, how do you ever possibly expect to become a great wizard if you do nothing but what our instructors tell us to do?' 'I suppose you have a better idea?' one of the others asked. Charles leaned forward. After a moment he realized none of the other wizards were going to move, and motioned them to lean in. After they got the hit (which took a while), he said, 'Have you ever heard of a spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom?'"


• Daria DeMartino: Esteemers with the DeMartinos, by Reven384 (COMPLETE!): "'Please Ms. Li,' she started before Ms. Li interrupted her. 'You should have thought of that before testing out of the class without my permission. Keep this in mind for now on and we will get along just fine,' Ms. Li said. 'Yes Ms. Li,' Daria said through gritted teeth as her eyes bulged obscenely."


• Daria - Double Down, by neonhomer (part 35): "'Ready for this?' asked Jane. 'As ready as I...' started Daria, but she was cut off by Jake snatching Daria off her feet into a hug. 'Daria! I am so glad you’re safe!' exclaimed Jake as he hugged his daughter. 'Dad.. can’t... breathe...'"


• Educator DeMartino in: DARIA DEATH (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: The Morning After), by Charles RB (part 1): "DARIA: My name isssss DARIA DEATH. DARIA: Don'tttt worrrrry, I'm jusssst hear to KILL you, nottt subjeeect you to furtherrrr YAMMERRINGGG ASSSSAULT from thisss quote mussssiccc unquote."


• Figures... (Iron Chef: Getting Ready for the End of the World), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Against a backdrop showing a jumble of lines pointing toward the Earth, the TV announcer said, 'While there has not been an official response, unofficial reports from the Pentagon and Space Command have confirmed that almost one hundred small Near-Earth Asteroids are being directed toward Earth by an alien intelligence....'"


• The Fox and The Cat by Stacy Rowe (Iron Chef - Homework assignments - Fairy Tales), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "Once upon a time, a fox and a cat who had been raised as siblings moved into a new forest. The fox was quite attractive, and many of the buy animals in the forest wanted to date her, and she gladly did - but they had to fetch the finest foods for her, and let her sit in the sunny spots or the warm places, and they were never allowed to sniff at her tail."


• Go Away, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "An eatery of sorts; the food here sucks. Still it makes for a good hiding place I guess. Still I have to ask myself: What the hell am I doing here?"


• God Save The Esteem ep41: Is It Fun Yet?, by Charles RB (part 6): "'I don’t see why I have to be bait.' 'Well, I’m holding the camera and taser, Erin’s holding the mike, and Dallas didn’t want to come. Sorry, sprat.' And so Daria sighed her way through the forests of south New Jersey, a pork chop round her neck, muttering 'wooo. Hello. I am dinner.'"


• Her Heart Will Go Smart (Iron Chef: Titanic), by JoeMerl (COMPLETE!): "She sighed. Well, the view was nice, at least. She leaned out farther over the railing to see better---but unfortunately, did so just as the ship seemed to hit a rough patch of water, causing it to lurch slightly. She let out a cry and almost slipped, only to feel somebody grab her by the back of her dress and pull her back onto the deck. 'Whoa! Careful there.'"


• Lawndale School of Magic Part One: The New Kids, by Reven384 (parts 1 and 2): "'Did we move?' Daria asked. Daria scowled a bit. Somehow even in a world with magic where being stupid could get one killed looks still played far to big a role in popularity. Which was why Illusion spells were so popular. It was an easy school to learn and the stupid gravitated towards it. She looked at her sister with a mixture of disgust and pity." (Part 2)


• Magic Talking Sea Life to the Rescue! (And Some Mice Too) (Iron Chef: Titanic), by JoeMerl (COMPLETE!): "Jane stopped her frantic search on the deck long enough to stare at the huge pink tentacle that had wrapped itself around the ship, holding the broken halves together as it sank into the water. 'Okay. And here I thought this trip couldn't get any weirder,' she muttered."


• A New Beginning (IC Runaway Daria), by LadieT (part 5): "Quinn heard the voice coming from the younger girl's mouth and froze. It can't be her. It just can't. Quinn studied the younger girl. The girl turned and looked at Quinn. Quinn began to pale when she saw the girl's eyes - no her mother's eyes behind the glasses."


• The Night at Joe's, by Gnome (COMPLETE!): "Not for the first time Jake felt a little bit of bile rise in his throat. How could she be doing this to them. He and Helen had been happy, well happish, once. Then she came along and decided she was better then every other damn person that crossed her path. She must have inhearted it from Mad-dog for it sure as hell wasn't from him."


• The Prep, the Artist and the Loner, by Walter Kovacs (part 3): "With a conspiratorial look on his face, Tom remarked 'Speaking of ignorant idiots...' 'Oh?' asked Daria who was curious about where the conversation was going. 'I need your help on coming up with ideas for making a date so bad that the person will never ask me out again' explained Tom."


• A Resentful Cynic ch. 2 No Party . No Problem, by ST91 (parts 2 - 4): "'Ok Daria, I'll give you that, Quinn was not invited by Brittany, but the fact that she has been invited demonstrates how useful it is to be perky and sociable like her, to make important friendships. You should try to do be a bit more like your sister.' Said Helen. 'Yes kiddo, looks at Quinn ; she has a lot of friends, everybody loves her.' Jake said, spreading salt on the wound. 'Sorry, not interested.' Daria said as she got up and went to her room. Once she arrived there, Daria closed the door and began to punch the wall." (Part 3) (Part 4)


• Sandi :: Well... This Sucks :: Chapter 14, by Fhujeth_x (COMPLETE!): "'The family who made me this... this monster in the first place...' She sighed, 'He thought he was saving me... but what's being saved if I have to feed off the blood of the living?' Tears coming to her eyes she looked down, 'It defeats my purpose of being a doctor, really.... If I'm supposed to help the ill, why do I have to feed off the well?'"


• Sleeping Beauty: By Jodie Landon (Iron Chef - Homework assignments - Fairy Tales), by LongSnakeMoan (COMPLETE!): "Once upon a time a King and Queen had a baby daughter. Approximately three to seven fairies were invited to be the baby's godmothers and bestowed on her stereotypical gifts of feminine accomplishment, such as beauty, grace, musical talent and so on."


• Unnamed story (IC : Daria and the School of Magic), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "A thin filament of blue light streamed for an instant through the twin front doors of the Landon residence - and blinked out immediately as a man stepped into the foyer. He was a slender man in his late forties, balding and bespectacled, with a drawn, yet probing expression on his face that made him remind onlookers of a particularly severe schoolmaster - and the walking stick he carried, as well as the sporty tweed cap and jacket, made him seem as if he were simply visiting during a day trip to the country."


• Unnamed story (IC : Daria and the School of Magic), by peetz5050 (part 1): "'Now ladies, I know it is not easy for you to adjust to a new home and a new school, especially for you, am I not correct Daria?' He looked pointedly at his eldest daughter. 'Did we move?' she answered sarcastically 'I declare Father I had scarce noticed, the horse dung smells the same here... as do the people'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Twins), by ThanatosRW (COMPLETE!): "Daria: That's right, older sister. We're twins, and Quinn is older by seven minutes. She failed a grade, so that's why you haven't seen us in class together. Yes, that's right twins. Identical twins in fact."


• Unnamed story (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "Finally ready to move to the main act of the show, Kandy reached forward to grab a fistful of the girl's jacket in her tightly coiled fist. 'I saaaaaaid-' Kandy repeated but managed to get no farther."


• We Only Hurt the Ones We Love (IC Runaway Daria), by deneich (part 10): "The only response from Mrs. Manson was a reproachful, prolonged, withering stare. Realizing that to look away meant conceding defeat, I continued to sit silently meeting her stare with – what I hoped was – a confident expression on my face and, not defiantly but determinedly, prepared to wait her out. After several moments the previously stern look upon Mrs. Manson's face softened and was then replaced with a pleasant, appreciative smile."