I Happen to Think the Bumblebees Are Cute!

Helen is settling in with the Fashion Club for National Girls’ Night In Day, but Quinn clearly isn't enjoying it one bit. At least this sleepover is going better than the one(s) she tried to have during "Gifted," because no one's getting kicked out of the house. Yet.

That said, I think Helen might do better to spend her quality time with Linda Griffin instead, because it's American Business Women’s Day. They can talk about the frustrations of the glass ceiling, share horror stories about awful clients, and get on each other's nerves by constantly trying to one-up each other. And then someone will most likely get kicked out of the house.

I suppose it might be better if Helen just celebrates Hobbit Day with Jake and a misshapen candle that might or might not be shaped like a hobbit. She'll probably need that soothing brown color after dealing with teenage girls and smug colleagues.

Fandom News!

• Vote in the Celebrity Deathmatch poll between Mel Sharples and the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld.

This Could Get Ugly. Even Uglier than a Misshapen Pile of Wax!

Helen and Linda are having a friendly phone conversation to wish each other a happy American Business Women's Day. Or at least it was friendly for the first few seconds. By now I'm sure it's devolved into a vicious argument over who's more successful in their field and whose daughter is more popular. The swearing and screaming will begin any moment.

If she needs any help calming down, Helen should go find that hobbit Jake gave her years ago. Not only is it very soothing, but today is also Hobbit Day and therefore very appropriate. We are sure that it's really a hobbit?

Fanfic Update!

• All's Fair, by Princess_Pasta (part 6): "One week quickly bled into three. Daria wasn't expecting someone like Brittany to have much resolve so it was a good thing that she hadn't killed Kevin yet."


• Aunt Daria (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Saga Goes On), by Szcz (part 1): "'The parents had a boy, named uncle Fedor. He was very serious and independent. He had learned how to read 4 years old. 6 years old, he boilded soup by himself. On the whole, he was a good boy. The parents were good too.'"


• Bad Influence (Life After Thirty), by WildDogJJ (part 1): "Mrs. Henderson is teaching her first grade class. The students include Tommy, Timmy and Teddy Carbone along with Quinn Ruttheimer, Kevin Thompson Junior and Shane Sloan along with his two lackeys, Al and Lou. Mrs. Henderson is a dark haired woman in her thirties with thick rimmed glasses. She's drawing a math problem on the black board."


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 6): "Erin walked over to Anne's desk. 'Have you been to lunch yet Anne?' 'Just a Moment', Anne replied as she typed rapidly on her computer. 'Chew on that, you electronic monster.' she instructed her computer."


• Fates Entwined, by Deep Metal (part 21): "'Daria, are you doing alright?' Tom asked. He and Kevin stood over her. All of them were in the nurse's office, or at least what remained of the nurse's office as half the room appeared to have been destroyed."


• Second Chance for Love, by David Falkayn (parts 25 and 26): "'I guess our pariah status still hasn't been completely revoked.' Daria deadpanned as she and Jane stopped off at their lockers." (Part 26)


• The Temptation of Tom Sloane, by Rémi (parts 3 - 6): "Griffin household. The Fashion Club is having a meeting. Sandi is giving instructions while Stacy conscientiously takes notes. Tiffany , with vacant eyes, is looking at herself in a pocket mirror. Quinn is trying to pay attention to Sandi and to read one of her textbooks at the same time. Sandi notices this." (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Touched by Mars, by WellTemperedClavier (part 1): "The shadows of Nowruz flames danced on the curved metal wall. Or they appeared to, at least. It was the memory of holy fires, copied from the fire-capped temples of Ecbatana, and replicated in hologram. A real fire had no place on a space station, even one as large as Constitutio VII."


• What Road Trip?, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Okay - what are you three up to?' Esra, Rossalyn and Hector - an unusual gathering by anyone's measure, Daria thought - looked up from the table they sat around as Daria walked into the Legion Academy's 'holochamber'."

So, Linda, Do YOU Have a Misshapen Chunk of Wax?

Linda and Helen are on the phone together because they want to wish each other a happy American Business Women's Day...and try desperately to one-up each other until both are so angry they can't see straight. Should be a nice, pleasant conversation.

If Helen needs to calm down afterward, though, she might try lighting that hobbit-shaped candle Jake got her years ago. It would be appropriate, since today is also Hobbit Day. And brown is so...soothing.

Fanfic Update!

• CorrecTed Vision (The Ted Zone), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "It was a lovely Saturday afternoon. The light generated by the sun was unbroken by clouds or other obstructions, the temperature and humidity levels were well within a comfortable range, and several birds were uttering musical vocalizations intended for either territorial or mating purposes. Ted was walking home from the video arcade when he noticed a medium-sized bulldog approaching him."


• Daria (and other characters) on the Defiant Round Robin, by cfardell_Brenorenz29, Roentgen, Brother Grimace, Kuriamo22, and peetz5050 (parts 22 - 27): "Even before she opened her eyes, River knew she was no longer on Serenity. Non of the other nine minds that she could sense were those of the crew that she and her brother were travelling with." (Part 23 by Roentgen) (Part 24 by Brother Grimace) (Part 25 by Kuriamo22) (Part 26 by peetz5050) (Part 27 by Roentgen)


• Lawndale Z, by Kuriamo22 (part 8): "It was a clear sunny day over the endless blue green grasslands of the northern hemisphere of Namek. Long ago the Namekians had built vast technological cities across their planet. Unfortunately decades of overproduction had nearly destroyed the biosphere and millions of Namekians died in a vast drought."


• A Moment Behind the Mask, by RubinaLadybug (COMPLETE!): "'And so completes our time of raising the dead and causing mass panic in this listless town,' Daria stated, her deadpan tone infecting every word she spouted."


• Return of the Runaway: Esteem of the Middle Child (IC Runaway Daria), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 3): "Quinn walked home, after having helped Jane prevent her house from being foreclosed. 'How is it that the Lane's just forgot to pay their bills?' she wondered. Jane was interesting though. 'If nothing else we do fit as aquaintences.'"


• Standstill, by Princess_Pasta (part 12): "'It would be such a shame if it rained. Can you imagine it raining on the happiest day of your life? Awful!' 'I've heard that rain is a sign of good luck'."

What About Those Hobbit Business Women?

Linda's pissed because she just found out that Helen got voted onto the board of the Lawndale Business Woman's Alliance. That's only fitting on Business Women's Day, though. And anything that annoys Linda Griffin is probably a good thing no matter what it is.

This is also Hobbit Day, so today would be a good day to get that special someone a candle that's vaguely shaped like a hobbit. Or, you know, not.

Fanfic Update!

• Anger meets her match, by dammit.taken (part 1): "Andrea slipped out of her work-clothes, tossing them into the hamper in her closet. She pulled some clothes out at random, then pulled on a clean bra and started getting dressed."


• Dreams Rewoven, by RLobinske (part 3): "'Pardon my frustration, but that position was made for you,' Amy Barksdale said over her cell phone. 'And now it's going to someone with tenure. You know how the game works.'"


• Is it real life yet?, by michaelscarn (part 1): "Daria held the final box filled with her things and looked back at her empty dorm room. She didn't want to admit it, but she'd miss her home for the past six years."


• Lawndale 2021, by Anguirus1955 (parts 6 - 8): "'No. I need to adjust the formula a bit more,' Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn said to himself as he observed the results of his latest experiment." (Part 7) (Part 8)


• Sandi, You Hoopy Frood, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Everyone, calm down! It's only been a couple of hours past our return time - and since they haven't been able to contact us on the radio, I'm certain that the authorities have already started a rescue effort!'"


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Anguirus1955 (COMPLETE!): "New York City was silent. The four brave heroes on top of the apartment complex looked confused as their opponent disappeared."


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "'It's truly horrible. A cryin' shame.' Anthony said sadly."

"I just made 120% of my target projection for this year, earning me a bonus and an incentive check, so I'm pretty damn good. How are you?"

Happy American Business Women's Day! Linda Griffin, as a member of the Lawndale Businesswoman's Alliance, is probably celebrating the day by rubbing her success in Helen Morgendorffer's face.

If American Business Women's Day is a student at Holiday High School, I would imagine she'd be just like Jodie Landon. May the two never, ever meet.

Fanfic Update!

• The Author as a Lesbian, by DeacBlue (part 13): "At the bell for the next-to-last period of the day, the girls were once again headed for their lockers, only to find Tommy Sherman leaning on them. Daria sighed. 'Excuse me,' she said, politely. Tommy's eyebrows rose. 'You're kidding, right? You think I'm going to talk to you?' He looked at Jane. 'You, maybe. Like, four hours into a kegger.' When he saw Jen, he grinned. 'The kegger'd start with you.' 'Only if I wanted a beer bong,' Jen said."


• Burning Desire (Iron Chef: Crazy Pairing Story!), by RX-87 (COMPLETE!): "'I could have been something...' Daria thought, morosely, as she scrubbed the toilets in the Mega-Low Mart ladies' room. So much potential, all down the proverbial crapper. Still, mustn't grumble. Any job was a blessing for somebody like her. For a registered sex offender."


• The Cynical Villain , by DIsaac (part 1): "Dad started his pep talk 'Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a new town, especially for you, Daria, right? Daria deadpans 'Did we move?' Quinn exploded 'Of course we moved, Daria! You had to put something in the freaking water in Highland!'"


• GStE - Meanwhile, Sideways In Time: Am I Fired Yet?, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'Are you going to kill us?' whimpered one girl. 'No.' She turned to the other kid. 'Hey, mofo, if I can’t sleep here, no one sleeps here.' 'He looked up, glaring. “Is it fall yet?' 'I wish.'"


• The James Lane Chronicles Chapter 6, by InvisibleDan (part 9): "Daria stood by the pump and watched her twenty disappear as the numbers changed. 'So, how did Trent get the tickets for the concert if he can't afford the gas?' James looked at her and made a gesture of zipping up his lips. 'So, I guess I don't want to know, do I?' The pump clicked off and James pulled it out. 'Let's just say that it was a non-cash trade. Anything else will compromise you if we get questioned by the police.' 'What!?'"


• John Lane 51: Promises Kept, by RLobinske (part 3): "Tom pinched his nose. 'You want to spy on your sister and her boyfriend?' 'This is important, Tom. Yes.' 'What are we looking for?' 'I don't know.' 'So why are we looking?' 'Because they're up to something.'"


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "Amelia looked at Daria with desperate puzzlement and asked: 'Where did I sleep last night? And why did I dream of my decapitated head lying face down on the railroad tracks?' 'Probably you slept in the pines, or some other place where the sun doesn't shine. The decapitated head? Hey, you're a prophet. Decapitation often comes with the job. Relax. We go on in 30 seconds, and I need you to be a fully operational prophet, so let me check this out, O.K.?'"


• Tom Sloane's Mystery Person Revealed (LFC Friday Night Fights Minific Thread ), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "O'Neill: 'Last Sunday night, Tom Sloane was pushed to his absolute limits by Michael Mackenzie in a match for the ages, but Sloane pulled it out and continues his reign as LFC Men's World Champion.' Defoe: 'He did, but it wasn't without an assist by the mystery person that he'll be calling out soon. He claims that he's innocent through all of this, and I believe that to be true, but there's always that nagging piece of doubt in my mind.'"


• Unnamed story (IC : Legion of Lawndale Super Villains), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "The crowd learned two things that they would never forget. The first was that his costume did not cover his posterior. He had a very muscular ass. The second - for what it was worth - was that he must be a black male...either that, or he spent five hours a day in tanning booths. 'Gaze upon its glory!' the masked man said. A reporter dropped his recorder and pointed. 'My God! It's the Assmaster!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Everybody Loves a Naked Daria), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'There's only one way to see who's a bodysnatcher!' barked Li. 'CLOTHES OFF NOW! WE'RE DOING A TUBOR CHECK!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef Idea: Daria as a Historical Reenactor), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Tom, dressed in the uniform of an 18th Century army officer, was heartily enjoying his weekend. He had travelled to Boston to take part in a Tea Party protest, and was heartily enjoying himself as he chanted slogans about socialists and tax cuts."

"I'm pretty damn good. How are you?"

This is American Business Women's Day in the U.S., and Linda Griffin is our image person. This is the 60th anniversary of the founding of the American Business Women's Association, and Mrs. Griffin is on the board of the Lawndale Businesswoman's Alliance (per "Gifted"), making her the appropriate choice. Nice blouse color, love that shade of blue. Interesting to listen to her with that slightly deeper, nasal Sandi voice. (The same voice actress, Janie Mertz, did both mother and daughter, as was done with Helen and Quinn and another voice actress.)

Let's see, what else... oh, today is the anniversary of the mysterious Vela Incident in the South Indian Ocean, wonder how that can be put into a Daria fanfic.

It is also OneWebDay! Hooray! This is supposed to be very important to web freaks like you and me, but every day is special on the Internet. Still, there is a pledge to take. Not sure Daria would do this. It would mean she was taking a position. However, all she does is complain, so maybe she would. Whatever.

I think we've run this into the ground. Take us out of here, Mrs. Griffin.

Moar gnus l8r.


LAST NOTE: Did you love that tired roll of the eyes that Linda gives in "Gifted" when Helen is going on about "the stick"? Linda is such a babe.