"I just made 120% of my target projection for this year, earning me a bonus and an incentive check, so I'm pretty damn good. How are you?"

Happy American Business Women's Day! Linda Griffin, as a member of the Lawndale Businesswoman's Alliance, is probably celebrating the day by rubbing her success in Helen Morgendorffer's face.

If American Business Women's Day is a student at Holiday High School, I would imagine she'd be just like Jodie Landon. May the two never, ever meet.

Fanfic Update!

• The Author as a Lesbian, by DeacBlue (part 13): "At the bell for the next-to-last period of the day, the girls were once again headed for their lockers, only to find Tommy Sherman leaning on them. Daria sighed. 'Excuse me,' she said, politely. Tommy's eyebrows rose. 'You're kidding, right? You think I'm going to talk to you?' He looked at Jane. 'You, maybe. Like, four hours into a kegger.' When he saw Jen, he grinned. 'The kegger'd start with you.' 'Only if I wanted a beer bong,' Jen said."


• Burning Desire (Iron Chef: Crazy Pairing Story!), by RX-87 (COMPLETE!): "'I could have been something...' Daria thought, morosely, as she scrubbed the toilets in the Mega-Low Mart ladies' room. So much potential, all down the proverbial crapper. Still, mustn't grumble. Any job was a blessing for somebody like her. For a registered sex offender."


• The Cynical Villain , by DIsaac (part 1): "Dad started his pep talk 'Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a new town, especially for you, Daria, right? Daria deadpans 'Did we move?' Quinn exploded 'Of course we moved, Daria! You had to put something in the freaking water in Highland!'"


• GStE - Meanwhile, Sideways In Time: Am I Fired Yet?, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'Are you going to kill us?' whimpered one girl. 'No.' She turned to the other kid. 'Hey, mofo, if I can’t sleep here, no one sleeps here.' 'He looked up, glaring. “Is it fall yet?' 'I wish.'"


• The James Lane Chronicles Chapter 6, by InvisibleDan (part 9): "Daria stood by the pump and watched her twenty disappear as the numbers changed. 'So, how did Trent get the tickets for the concert if he can't afford the gas?' James looked at her and made a gesture of zipping up his lips. 'So, I guess I don't want to know, do I?' The pump clicked off and James pulled it out. 'Let's just say that it was a non-cash trade. Anything else will compromise you if we get questioned by the police.' 'What!?'"


• John Lane 51: Promises Kept, by RLobinske (part 3): "Tom pinched his nose. 'You want to spy on your sister and her boyfriend?' 'This is important, Tom. Yes.' 'What are we looking for?' 'I don't know.' 'So why are we looking?' 'Because they're up to something.'"


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "Amelia looked at Daria with desperate puzzlement and asked: 'Where did I sleep last night? And why did I dream of my decapitated head lying face down on the railroad tracks?' 'Probably you slept in the pines, or some other place where the sun doesn't shine. The decapitated head? Hey, you're a prophet. Decapitation often comes with the job. Relax. We go on in 30 seconds, and I need you to be a fully operational prophet, so let me check this out, O.K.?'"


• Tom Sloane's Mystery Person Revealed (LFC Friday Night Fights Minific Thread ), by TheExcellentS (COMPLETE!): "O'Neill: 'Last Sunday night, Tom Sloane was pushed to his absolute limits by Michael Mackenzie in a match for the ages, but Sloane pulled it out and continues his reign as LFC Men's World Champion.' Defoe: 'He did, but it wasn't without an assist by the mystery person that he'll be calling out soon. He claims that he's innocent through all of this, and I believe that to be true, but there's always that nagging piece of doubt in my mind.'"


• Unnamed story (IC : Legion of Lawndale Super Villains), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "The crowd learned two things that they would never forget. The first was that his costume did not cover his posterior. He had a very muscular ass. The second - for what it was worth - was that he must be a black male...either that, or he spent five hours a day in tanning booths. 'Gaze upon its glory!' the masked man said. A reporter dropped his recorder and pointed. 'My God! It's the Assmaster!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Everybody Loves a Naked Daria), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'There's only one way to see who's a bodysnatcher!' barked Li. 'CLOTHES OFF NOW! WE'RE DOING A TUBOR CHECK!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef Idea: Daria as a Historical Reenactor), by Hyrin (COMPLETE!): "Tom, dressed in the uniform of an 18th Century army officer, was heartily enjoying his weekend. He had travelled to Boston to take part in a Tea Party protest, and was heartily enjoying himself as he chanted slogans about socialists and tax cuts."