Yarrrr!

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day! Get yourselves plenty o' rum and wenches and have a blast, me maties. Methinks yonder Upchuck won't be seein' any o' the wenches, the poor bilge rat, so let him have all the grog he wants!

If ye be too much of a landlubber for this holiday, try readin' Shane Greentree's Esteemarrs! and I Don't (Like Landlubbers) and see if that sets your sails a flyin'!

And now, straight from Davy Jones's locker, here be the latest fanfic update:

• The Author as a Lesbian, by DeacBlue (parts 8 - 12): "'I'm sorry I have to work late tonight, girls. There's angel hair in the freezer, girls, and don't forget, tomorrow we're hosting the couples workshop. It's focus on teens night! I expect you to be there.' Quinn replied automatically, 'Sorry, Mom, I have a date. Remember what you said on Saturday? A commitment's a commitment.' Helen sighed. 'Well, I guess I did say that. Well, I'll see you there, Daria.' Daria gripped her hands together in front of her, pushing her knees apart. 'Actually, Quinn won't be able to make her date, and I need to ask you and Dad to call off your couples workshop, Mom. We need to have a family meeting as soon as possible.'" (Part 8.5) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12)


• The Cynical Villain, by DIsaac (part 1): "Lawndale, Maryland – It’s your ideal mid-Atlantic coastal town and on the surface there is nothing really wrong with. The neighbors are kind and friendly. The community cheers on their Lawndale Lions on cool Friday nights in the fall. Everything seems normal but one major fact – They are all villains. Each and every single one of them, villains. Future villains, Current villains or Former villains - this is what Lawndale is made of."


• Daria/Power Rangers: Watching the Watchmen, by Charles RB (part 5): "'Daria, you’re unarmed and the fair is a Repulsa op! Just get the hell out of there! Get your family out!' 'But the fair is full of people-' 'We know! We’ve alerted the handlers, okay? AGPD is heading your way with National Guard back-up, we can assume Lightspeed has "overheard", the Power Rangers will notice – you just need to get out before-' Pineapple turned the girl into a cardboard cut-out. He turned a human being into cardboard."


• Dragon in the Waves (Iron Chef: Everybody Loves a Naked Daria), by Grifter74 (COMPLETE!): "'Daria, are you all right?' Jason shouted as he looked around. Seeing a golden glint a short distance away, Jason dashed toward it. Sitting on a rock, next to the shore, Jason found a pile of clothes, which he recognized as Daria's usual outfit, along with her underwear and her communicator sitting on top of it all. Jason blushed as he realized what he was looking at, and was glad that he was wearing his helmet, even if he was alone. "


• DW: The Many Doctors (Chapter 3), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 2): "The Doctor and his companions had not been idle either. They stood around the TARDIS surveying the scene; hence they could see the Drahvin soldiers approaching... 'What do we do Doctor?' Sabrina asked. 'We go to the UNIT force, they may need my help,' the Doctor said. 'Sounds like a good idea, those soldiers look like they may be firing their guns soon,' Sigrun said. 'In disarray? I wouldn't like to see them when they are not!' Jia'hale said."


• God Save The Esteem 35: I Don't Like Any Day, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Using all their lock-picking skills (they kicked the lockers until they opened), the nine-strong gang checked a row of lockers for anything adequate. They found nothing and texted Daria for more advice. 'Be very careful then. Or use your spider-powers.' None of the gang would admit to having spider-powers, and since their scout Shaggy was reporting the shooters were coming up the stairs for them, they had no time to debate on who the selfish bastard was who had spider-powers and wouldn’t tell their friends." (Part 4)


• Homeless Daria Episode 3: A College Try Gives Me Blisters, by RX-87 (part 17): "'Through here,' Heather said, holding a door open as Daria nearly tripped over a short blond boy lounging on the floor sucking on a bong like a breastfeeding infant. There wasn't much inside except for some beanbag chairs and a computer. The girls sat down and Heather passed Daria a bottle. Daria drank the bitter liquid down, savoring the warm feeling that spread through her small body."


• How To Avoid a Trap (IC : Legion of Lawndale Super Villains), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "The young man - having been in Todd's shadow since childhood - noted the implied threat in the manner which the man in the robes casually shifted position on the handle of his weapon. 'I will need your silence. There are worse things than death. There is continuing existence - in such a form that death would be your eternal waking thought, and your evening prayer.' 'I won't say a thing.' The man in the robes gave a barely noticeable nod. 'Take me with you.'"


• It's Not a Tumor (IronChef: Trashfreak out free for all), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "They all looked back to the pregnancy test. 'Then whose test is it?' Helen asked aloud. Daria realized that, for some reason, her father hadn't seen fit to comment on the situation. She turned to him, and he was looking very nervous. 'Dad, is there something you want to share with the rest of us?'"


• Looking Up (Iron Chef: What's behind Alter Egos?), by RX-87 (COMPLETE!): "Daria's voice finally cracked and she broke down sobbing again, collapsing into Trent's lap, 'It's all my fault...' 'No...' Trent tried his best to comfort her, stroking her rich, soft hair, now tinged with grey, hesitantly at first, then more gently when she didn't resist. That always calmed her down, 'It's not your fault, Daria. You weren't the one who...' 'Yes it is. This all happened because of me. If he hadn't looked up to me so damn much...'"


• Memorable Weekend (IronChef: Trashfreak out free for all), by JoeMerl (COMPLETE!): "'Agh! My pregnancy test!' Daria, Helen, Quinn, Jane, Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany yelled in unison."


• The Mis-Adventures of Scarlett the Dark Fairy (IC : Legion of Lawndale Super Villains), by Aloysius (COMPLETE!): "She smiled as she hovered over the calm waters, then flew over to a nearby boulder, where she changed into appropriate swimwear. What’s that? You want me to describe her swimwear? You want me to give you details on whether she wore a simple one-piece suit or a more revealing two-piece suit? Well, I would, if she actually wore one to begin with. Yes, my friends, Scarlett had decided to swim au natural. For those of you who don’t speak French, she was butt naked."


• Paint You a Picture, by JoeMerl (COMPLETE!): "'So...when are you coming back in the house?' Janie asked that question every day or two. When somebody actually wants me to, Trent thought. 'I dunno,' he said. 'Maybe never.' He tried to sound conversational, but couldn't entirely mask the bitterness in his voice; In reality, he wanted to go back in there so badly, almost as badly as he wanted not to."


• Rude Awakening Ep.9: Join The Club, by DIsaac (part 2): "JODIE: Mack, I'm in a relationship with someone first time in years! MACK: Congrats! I've always wanted you to be happy and whom is it with? JODIE: It's with Alison. MACK: Great to hear that! JODIE: Thanks. MACK: But you did tell her you suck at them?"


• That Would Have to Be Enough (Iron Chef: What's behind Alter Egos?), by JoeMerl (COMPLETE!): "...Okay, so it was really bad. But Quinn was trying to think positive! But it was hard, with everything that she had lost. Oh, how she missed her perfect skin! How smooth and soft it had been, pale pink and utterly flawless, almost never with a single pimple or blemish...she looked different so, now. But she could deal with it. She would have to, until the reanimation technology was perfected and she could really be alive again."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: And not a single care was given that day), by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "Daria, Jane, and Tom walked into Daria’s place only to find it covered in blood; the bodies of her mother, her aunt Rita, and her aunt Amy dismembered and strewn across the floor, her father pinned to the wall moaning in pain; his bottom half horribly mangled, and her sister a bitter and broken shell curled against the wall; her hair shaved off and her clothes ripped to shreds suggesting a multitude of possible horrors."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: What's behind Alter Egos?), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Quinn, their hands full of luggage, followed their aunts - Amy and Rita Barksdale - into the living room, where they saw Helen Morgendorffer on the floor in a makeshift horse costume, her rounded posterior somehow adorned by a horse's tail that drooped down between the three-inch heels she wore."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: What's behind Alter Egos?), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "'Calling Sky Captain! Emergency Protocol 90206! Calling Sky Captain, come in! Emergency Protocol 90206. Come in, Sky Captain!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: What's behind Alter Egos?), by Quiverwing (COMPLETE!): "Jane - 'I can't believe you had the nerve.'"