Unidentified Flatulent Objects?

Hard to believe that only 63 years ago, the modern age of the UFO began with the sighting of nine flying objects near Mt. Rainier by pilot Kenneth Arnold. This curious moment in history is sometimes now called UFO Day, and we celebrate it as such here. Are UFOs from alien worlds? Is there a conspiracy keeping the truth from us? Could Beavis and Butt-head have anything to do with it? Keep watching the skies!

In other historical news, it was only 636 years ago today that one of the first known cases of dancing mania broke out. It appeared in Aachen, Germany, then spread across Europe and affected thousands of people who danced uncontrollably until they collapsed. Despite all rumors, the outbreak had nothing to do with disco, which was a much later disaster.

NuuZ!

• Jezebel.com features another Daria article: "Daria & Fashion: A Few of My Favorite Things." Enjoy.

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• Anti-Trope, by Minx (continued): Heather dug the remote from between the cushions, turned off the television after the closing credits began to roll then turned to Dean and watched his brow furrow as he seemed to be dealing with an inner moral conflict. She smiled and placed a hand on his thigh, "Are you okay? You look troubled," she said. "Huh? No I'm okay," he said a little startled, "Just trying to think of something to pass the time before I have to go back and meet up with my family," he lied as his eyes fell to her hand. Had he actually been paying attention to the outside world, he would have realized the time to meet his parents had come and gone. "I can think of something," she said in a slightly seductively tone as she leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on his lips.
• NEW! Bathing with Archimedes, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "Dr. Frumsworth explained that glasses shouldn't cause a problem unless have a very specific combination of myopia and astigmatism correcting optics that could interact with the field to convert other electromagnetic wavelengths to UV as they pass through the system." Jack said, "Then taking her out into the sunlight was a bad idea." "Sounds like it," came Daria's voice. Henry partially climbed up the sculpture and held the scanner over the edge of the tub "Daria, can you look at the scanner so that I can get your prescription?" "How about if I take off my glasses?" "Don't. If they are the cause of the malfunction, removing them would disrupt the field and bathe you in a dangerous level of UV radiation." (FF.net)
  
• Daria: Hunter 6—Infectious, by Jim North (continued): The two agents excused themselves from the small group that they had been talking to and made their way over to the table, where Jane stopped them before they could speak. "No no no," the bounty hunter said. "Before anything else, I wanna hear some names." The agents frowned. "No names," the male agent said. "It's better that—" "Bzzt!" Jane cut them off. "Wrong answer! Look, I enjoy the whole cloak and dagger bit as much as anybody. But trying to refer to you two in any specific way without names is getting more than a little annoying, especially when we're surrounded by your extended three-piece family, okay? Before you give Daria the third degree, you're going to cough up some damn names, whether they're real or not. Got it?" The agents looked at each other, then back at Jane. "Agent Bealer," the woman said. "Agent Moore," the man followed.
• Finn Morgendorffer 50: Matters of State, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 8): “Are you ready for this, Finn?” Amy asked. Her voice made the words almost seem as a challenge, but Finn didn’t mind. “No second chances, I’d better hope so.” Finn answered. Amy smirked at the answer. “I’m so proud of you, Finn. All your effort has been rewarded.” Rita praised. “Thanks, Aunt Rita, but I haven’t won yet. And we should get going. It’s going to be a long day.” Finn noted, and the family agreed. Finn wondered if they were as nervous as he was going into this game. There was a phenomenal difference between the audience and a player, but when it came down to it, they wanted this victory for Finn as much as he wanted it, and they could only watch and cheer, powerless to affect it.
• NEW! Grove Hell on Earth, by Charles RB (Part 5): Crisis erupted, fast and terrible, and Amelia’s attempts to hold it back had only made it worse. “I’m using those bushes next!” yelled Daria as Amelia scurried off. She saw Rob’s expression. “No, really. Saves another stop later on. ‘Work smarter, not harder,’ as Mum used to say before she noticed Quinn was doing neither.” “I don’t trust you,” he said abruptly. “I don’t know what your game is, but Amelia’s had enough grief in her life.” “Excuse me?”
  
• Lawndale's Finest: Actions Stories #4, Power Struggle, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): The electrical discharge tore through empty air as Jane stepped to the side. She felt her skin prickle as it went past, barely missing her, but she didn't have time to breath a sigh of relief. Livewire tossed another bolt her way, then a third, forcing her to focus entirely on dodging. After another blast passed her by, she swung all the way around to the other side of her attacker, the massive g-forces of moving so fast in so small an arc causing darkness to press around her vision for a second. (FF.net)
  
• Raft College: The First Year, by Rglovejoy (Part 11): Stacy was laying on the towel next to her, listening to her iPod. Quinn looked over at her friend and tapped her shoulder. "Stacy, could you pass me the tanning lotion?" The pigtailed girl immediately rolled over to face Quinn. "Of course," she said as handed the bottle over. "I hope it's working for you." "Oh, it's fine, Stacy. I just have really sensitive skin, being a redhead and all. You're so lucky, your skin does a lot better in the Sun." Stacy smiled happily at the compliment. "I was thinking, since we're both seniors now and stuff, what're you gonna do for next year? I mean, are you still thinking about going to Pepperhill?"
• Sleepwalker, by Jim North (Part 1): The little girl desperately wishes to fall asleep. It is an almost nightly chore, the struggle to find just a few more precious minutes of sleep before she is called upon to go back out into the world to suffer its slings and arrows. It's so much easier to bear when she's gotten a proper eight hours, but those days are few and far between. Most night, like this one, continue in frustrated silence as she stares helplessly at the ceiling and hopes for a reprieve. She has little understanding of this affliction. Mommy and daddy have sent her to doctors and clinics, spending as much and sometimes more than they can afford to find a reason if not a cure behind the insomnia, but to little avail. It is simply her unnatural condition, to remain awake when by all rights she should be asleep, dreaming dreams of far away lands of magic and mystery.
• Stuck Inside of Howard with the Crewe Neck Blues, by Brian Taylor (Prologue): Weekends with Helen Barksdale were something that Daria and Quinn had both come to dread. Good days involved forced conversation and an attitude of artificial cheeriness that usually broke down into awkward silences which stretched on for minutes (with luck) or hours (without). Bad days started at awkward silence and progressed to Daria holing up in what she liked to call the Guest Room Perilous, Quinn mutely watching MTV on the living room sofa, and Helen barricading herself in her office and yelling at junior associates over the phone.
• Tracksuits, by Malakite (Part 9): Sandi smirked slightly at Quinn's somewhat doubtful look as it reflected from her full-length mirror. "I don't know, Sandi" she said softly, before continuing with more confidence. "The black is slimming." Sandi smiled at this as she replied, "Not that you need it." "And this grey stripe is subtly bust-enhancing," Quinn continued with her critique. Here, Sandi ran her hand lightly over Quinn's chest as she whispered in her ear, "Yes, it is." "But these holsters... I'm worried they make my thighs look fat."
  

Watch the Skies!

Sixty-two years ago today, a pilot named Kenneth Arnold spotted strange shapes in the sky near Mt. Rainier. His report of "flying saucers" (as reporters called them) let to the UFO craze in the 1950s and 1960s, as well as to "The Lawndale File" and that nutbar Artie.

One hundred sixty-seven years ago today, Ambrose Bierce was born, a person no doubt familiar to Daria Morgendorffer as he was outrageously sarcastic and cynical in his writings. Bierce was a widely known editorial writer, reporter, and short-story author in his time. He is best known as the creator of the short story, "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," later made into a famous short movie shown on Twilight Zone, and a snarky tome called The Devil's Dictionary. Daria would have especially appreciated the latter. He vanished without a trace in Mexico in 1914. Sick, Sad World undoubtedly has some explanation for that.

An amazing full-length portrait of Daria Morgendorffer in her Reaper outfit from "Reaped Out" has been posted by Pinkminx, and in two different but perfect versions, yet. Good Lord! You GO!

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• Cold Comfort, by Doggieboy (Part 10): When Daria left the battle scene, she took a few extras with her, but was still able to move along at a hefty jog. Dougherty didn’t even try to follow her, for which she was thankful. I should have three, maybe four hours at the most before he makes his next move against me, she thought and jumped over a small creek. (SFMB)
  
• Gimme Skelter, by TAG and Brother Grimace (Part 11): Mackenzie dropped through the hatch into the tractor cab and grabbed the radio mike, startling the driver. He banged his left arm on the side of the hatch hard enough to gasp aloud, but tried to ignore it. “Condor high north, condor high north!” he cried. “Wolf Pack, blackout! Dead stop!” the Old Man immediately responded. “Blackout! Dead stop!” (PPMB)
  
• Never Come to Be, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): Trent Lane lost himself in the sensation of his rough fingers stroking the strings of his Fender dreadnaught acoustic, head bowed as the song drifted through the cemetery, the notes rising and falling as they were carried off on the wind. Jesse Moreno sat beside him, strumming rhythm and singing harmony when called for.
• Trent Has a Thing for Brunettes, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): Jane yawned and, not really trying to see through blurry eyes, pulled open the door and stepped into the hall. Her first impression was of disheveled brown hair; her teeth clicked as she ran head-long into what felt like a person in front of Trent's bedroom door and the dull thud of shoes hitting the worn carpet. She looked up with a wince, lips already parted to apologize to her usually recumbent sibling—and froze. Angry tremors swept her lean body as her eyes blazed like blue suns.
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Angst Lord Time-Trials Redux), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): Over a hundred cameras recorded the scene as, in front of a stunned crowd, Angela Li came through the front doors of Lawndale High School Wearing a jet-black babydoll with matching garters and a matching silk scarf, Angela smiled at the crowd as the girls of the Cheerleading Squad and Fashion Club (dressed in the finest that Victoria's Secret could offer) paraded out from the doors behind her. As everyone watched, stunned into silence, Angela began to sing.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Favorite Aunt Meets Amiga), by Betting on Delusions (COMPLETE? Part 1?): Jane sighed audibly and pulled her legs to her chest, making herself as small as possible. She had been waging an internal war ever since her subconscious pulled the rug out from under her the prior afternoon. "I definitely was not expecting this," Jane muttered into her knees.

St. Elsewhere

• Puppeteering, by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Come in." I entered what appeared to be a little-used room in a vacant Hollywood movie set. It was actually a vacant Toronto movie set, but if Toronto can replace New York on television, its sets can replace Hollywood ones. The man sitting at the desk wore khaki. He looked half like Jeff Probst of Survivor and half used-car salesman. He smiled, as if he were completely and absolutely satisfied with himself. [I never metafiction I didn't like!]