Smooth Criminal Lawyer

Helen is doing her best moonwalk for the anniversary of the late Michael Jackson's birth on this day in 1958. Although the musician's life was full of controversy, there's no denying the impact he had on pop culture.

I'm sure Kevin is much more interested in National Sports Day, and while I have no doubt his first choice would be football I expect that any event where a bunch of guys run around a field would appeal to him. Even better if someone gets hurt by the end of it.

It's also International Bat Night, but not the kind of bat you use in sports. This holiday is about the kind of bat that likes to sleep upside-down and spread rabies or, as Jane would put it, her preferred career goals.

Fanfic Update!

• Reverse the Chase, by BracedRhombus (part 4): "Daria and Jane stared in shock, unable to fully process what had just happened."

Smooth Criminal Prosecutor

Helen's doing a tribute to the late Michael Jackson on the anniversary of his birth in 1958, although she never struck me as the type who would be a fan. Perhaps she's just excited about all the legal troubles he had, which is always good news for lawyers?

Also on this day, in 2000, Admonisher published his essay, "A Rant About 'Evil' Tom." It touches not only on the concept of Evil Tom but also some fandom issues in general.

Fanfic Update!

• Burned Out, by Wrabbit7 (part 13): "Kimberly looked down at the photos spread across the dinner table and sighed. 'Honestly, Jennifer. Would it kill you to dress up for picture day?'"


• Daria's Great Adventure, by dmsfanman (part 9): "Daria emerged from inside the airlock. She pulled off her helmet and took a breath of the fresh air in the building. Sure it was created, recirculated, and constantly purified, but it was still better than breathing bottled air in the surface suit."


• Decisions, by elainefr (COMPLETE!): "He looked at the little boy that was fast asleep in the bassinet. He's so perfect..."


• Drawing Our Own Conclusions, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Come on. He's just another gorgeous guy, and they don't bite unless you're into that!' Tom's ears pricked up at the conversation just behind him as he sat at a table in the Legion Cafeteria, and ate a tomato seafood bisque that was almost - almost! - as good as the bisque that his mother would make."


• Erin Chambers, by OzFerret (part 4): "Erin leaped out of bed. Today was going to be a good day."


• I am not a good dad (Some Kevin Stuff), by Wassersauefer (COMPLETE!): "He did not get her. He really didn't. As much as he tried, Kevin simply didn't get his daughter."


• I can't think of titles anymore (Pasta's Never-Ending Ideas Thread 2), by Princess_Pasta (part 1): "Daria Morgendorffer completely disregarded the rest of the email, way too distracted by the fact that she'd actually won. She hadn't entered the contest of her own free will, no, she'd been cajoled into it by a coworker who insisted that this could be the opportunity of a lifetime."


• Jump, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "Esra walked into the cavern that was Jodie's lab. 'They said that you wanted to talk to me.'"


• Maidzillas (Quinn, Season 5), by WildDogJJ (COMPLETE!): "Close up of Daria and Jane sitting next to each other on the sofa. Daria: I can't beleive we're doing this. Jane: I can't believe I drove down from New York for this and we're missing Sick, Sad World." (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Split the Difference (Scenes No Daria fanfic should have: The Saga Goes On), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Sania walked down the street, feeling down in the dumps. She remembered the old expression: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."


• Superiors, by ST91 (parts 10 and 11): "Daria was still confused by what she had done when her sister jumped at her in tears. 'Oh Daria, Daria, Daria! I was so worried! I'm sorry for saying all those horrible things about you!' Exclaimed Quinn as she flooded her sister with tears." (Part 11)


• The Truth Seeker, by Rémi (parts 5 - 7): "Cedars of Lawndale Mental Health Unit, reception desk. Tom is approaching with Quinn in tow. Tom : Excuse me. I guess Dr. Calan must be very busy, but I hope he may be able to find a short moment between two appointments for Thomas Sloane and one of his friends. It's important." (Part 6) (Part 7)


• Unnamed story (LLH Short Entries #2), by Roentgen (part 145): "'Mister Turco, you will sit here.' Hector sat in the indicated area. He was wearing his Legion Academy uniform."


• The Wrath of Con, by Lady Evil (part 21): "Jane woke up Monday to her ringing phone. 'What?' she answered. It wasn't as polite as 'Hello' or as sprightly as her usual 'Yo!' but it was too early to be polite or sprightly."

Two Anniversaries and Two Controversial People

Today is the 53rd anniversary of Michael Jackson's birth. The late pop star was born on this day in 1958, and for better or worse he made a huge impact on the world. A few fans have done Daria fanart related to Jackson, including breitasparrow's Thriller Bowl and Elryd's Michael Jackson Mackenzie.

Also on this day, the Admonisher published his essay A Rant About "Evil" Tom in 2000. It's a bit strongly worded, but definitely worth a look--whatever your feelings about the character may be.

Fanfic Update!

• The Author as a Lesbian, by DeacBlue (part 5): "'Um, Mom? While normally I would stand back and let Quinn sleep in the bed she made, it sounds like you're changing rules midstream, and that doesn't bode well for me. I thought the decision to use our college funds for extra cash, up to a point, was ours, and you weren't going to stop us from doing stupid things with it. But here you are, tying the release of those funds to grades.' She narrowed her eyes at her mother. 'What gives?'"


• Bathroom Habits (Iron Chef: Mrs. Li's Trash freakout), by Ardneh (COMPLETE!): "'Now then,' Ms. Li began. Reaching into her desk, Ms. Li pulled out a sealed clear bag containing what appears to be a plastic stick. 'The honor of Lawwwnnndale high is in jeopardy. This pregnancy test was found in the restroom, this morning. The test results are undetermined, because the display has faded. You six were the only girls observed entering the restroom during the time it could have been left there. I want to know who's it is,' Ms. Li demanded."


• Boxing Ms. Morgendorffer, by Chris Tucker (part 10): "The next morning, both young women were awakened by the alarm. Daria was somewhat confused by her current attire. She did not recall getting undressed for bed. 'Yeah, well, you were dead to the world when I woke up, so I took care of that for you. If you're a good girl, I'l tell you whose name was on your lips as I wrestled with that damned bra you were wearing. If you're a bad girl, I'll tell everyone!'"


• Devil's Spawn (IC: Whatever happened to Elsie?), by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "'But Elsie...' 'No, you are not my father! You left me when I was just a kid, and don't feed my that bull about Dad, because you know he didn't care if you stayed! Admit it, you where just to busy for me!'"


• Esteemster Series, by TheExcellentS (part 10): "Barch: 'There's that patented war cheer, O'Neill! You know what that means!' O'Neill: 'That means it's Taylor Made time! Her trademark spinning neckbreaker has put away many a foe, and it could put away Cullen tonight!' Barch: 'She's stalking... stalking... she's got her! This is it!' O'Neill: 'Taylor, about to take Cullen for the ride... and there it is! Taylor Made! Cullen could be out cold!' Barch: 'Cover her, Brittany! This will put Team LFC level again!'"


• Ghost Girl chapter four, by Pumpkin Panic (parts 5 and 6): "'It's fine Mrs. Morgendorffer. I'm here from Fielding Preparatory Academy for Boys made coeducational Circa 1972.' The woman smiled 'Both of your daughters are being invited to attend on full government scholarships.' Helen put her hand on her chest and leaned back in her seat in wide eyed shock, 'Oh my!' She looked at the woman quizzically 'Quinn too?' she asked. She knew the reputation of Fielding. It was one of the most prestigious schools in the country. You couldn't even just apply to go there you had to be invited and they only took the best and the brightest. Daria they might accept on grades alone if they ignored her off-putting personality, but to have Quinn invited as well was suspicious." (Part 6)


• God Save The Esteem Ep34: Tom's Addition, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'Okay,' said Daria, leaving the Ten to sort it out themselves. 'Quinn. Let’s talk about this like civilised people.' 'But I gotta beat Tom up, damn it! And...' 'Astrid,' said Astrid. 'Yeah, her! She’s cheating on you, I mean he’s cheating on you with her, I mean her, I mean Daria being civilised gives me a headache!!'"


• Long Cold Season (Iron Chef: Tom cheats on Daria), by LadieT: "'You could have kissed any one else - but no Tom you had to kiss her and hell Jane, you must have wanted it pretty bad too considering you kissed him back. My first best friend and my first boyfriend - well, I can assure you - you sure as hell will be my last of both,' They could feel the ice from her words in the air and it chilled them both to the bone. Daria then started to walk away, leaving Jane and Tom to stare at each other."


• Quinn's Code 03: Cafe Geekdale, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Quinn went up to the stage. 'Why Geeks can be popular, a general rebuttal of the previous speech. Good Evening, Students of Lawndale High, and Lawndale and Glenfield Middle Schools. Some shallow and yet popular students may take umbrage at Geeks being popular for what may seem to be petty reasons. Why do they do this, you may ask...'"


• Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (part 46): "'Hi, I'm Nancy, and this is my friend Roberta.' Nancy stood up and put her hand out to Jane, who took it warily. 'I haven't seen you around.' 'My name's Jane, I'm not a student here. I'm just visiting Daria for the weekend. So how do you know her?' 'Daria attended our Bible talk a few weeks ago,' Roberta said, grinning broadly. Jane smirked. 'Oh really? Lemme get my tray.'"


• Rio Grizzly, by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "'Then...then why did you recoil when I kissed you? Are you gay?' Amelia then looked briefly mortified. 'Uh, I mean, it's okay if you're gay, I just...' Darius shook his head. 'No, I'm not gay. I, uh...I'm not gay.' 'Then why don't you want to kiss me?' Darius opened his mouth, but for once was unable to come up with a good answer."


• Save the Last Trance for Me, by jtranser: "Amelia cringed in terror: 'B-but that would mean...' A cold smoldering cryogenic fog emanated from Daria and swirled, glittering though the air, as She shook her head and tried to explain it to Her priestess more simply: 'No,No, Amelia. I said get a life, not take one.'"


• Settling Into A New Life, by RLobinske (part 10): "Daria parked her car and looked over. 'We're here.' Michael said, 'We finally leave the house and you bring me to the marina an hour before dark?' 'I have a cunning plan.' 'A cunning plan, huh?' 'Walk,' Daria said. 'Yes, ma'am.'"


• Tom's Immortal (IC: Tom has a Soul), by breitasparrow (COMPLETE!): "Tom stood over the weakened body of Trent as he raised his sword. As he held it over his own head in both hands, he looked into the other man's eyes one last time."


• An Unexpected Gift (Iron Chef: Repaid), by HeirOfNorton (COMPLETE!): "'Excuse me. It's Daria, isn't it?' Daria almost jumped straight out of her skin when she heard the question behind her. She turned around, and found herself face-to-face with the man of her dreams. It took her a moment to process what he said, and another moment before she could stutter out, 'Yeah, I mean yes, I'm Daria.'"


• Unforgivable (Iron Chef: Tom cheats on Daria), by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "Something in Daria snapped, she walked out of the bathroom and past Quinn; who looked at her with a worrisome expression that Daria didn’t notice. When she returned to the bathroom she was carrying a baseball bat; she must have found it in the garage somewhere, but why‘d she take it. She stared at her reflection. 'Cold...' Daria smashed the mirror as Quinn rush in horrified. 'Daria!'"


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Tom cheats on Daria), by 45Ranger (COMPLETE!): "Dear Jane, I know I never said it, but I love you. God, I hate how fucking cliché that sounds. I also hate you. All the attempts I’ve made to reconcile these two emotions have managed to destroy any sanity I may have had."


• What Ever Happened To Young Elsie? (IC: Whatever happened to Elsie?), by breitasparrow: "Elsie came upstairs to his room a little later than usual with his breakfast. Tom headed to the table where he usually ate his meals, then turned to face her. 'Good morning,' he said. 'Did you have a nice drive?' 'What are you talking about?' Elsie asked defensively."

Time to Reset Your Sundials

Today is Thoth 1, the beginning of the ancient Egyptian calendar. If anyone is still using it, adjust your sundial properly. If you use a different calendar, ignore this.

Today would have been Michael Jackson's 51st birthday. May he who changed music (and incidentally MTV) forever rest in peace.

An intriguing essay on the issue of whether Tom Sloane deserves to be called "evil" appeared this day nine years ago. If the issue interests you, give it a read. Ten years ago today in an alternate Dariaverse, Michael Mackenzie began a very unusual (and unusually dangerous) quest to save the world.

Want to make your computer use Daria WAV files instead of its usual programmed sounds, like when the system comes on, you empty the recycle bin, and so on? Read this Q&A session for starting information if you use Windows XP. The Media folder in the WINDOWS folder holds most or all of the usual WAV files used by the system—for example, Windows XP Startup, Windows XP Logon Sound, Windows XP Logoff Sound, and Windows XP Recycle (wadding paper noise). My system is to copy the desired replacement WAV file into the Media folder, rename the WAV file to be replaced (I never delete these, and the best thing to do is just add a suffix like "-old" to the end of the file's name, so you can find and identify it again if need be), then rename the replacement file with the old file's name.

It is very important to keep these replacement WAV files about the same length as the original ones, or shorter, to prevent them from running into one another during the computer's operation. I would not recommend using the full-length Daria theme music, for instance, but a short quote from one of the characters would be great. My suggestions for replacing the above four sounds: Windows XP Startup, Windows XP Logon Sound, Windows XP Logoff Sound, and Windows XP Recycle.

Has anyone tried this? Tell us about it if so.

FF.net

• D Is for Daria, by Fringeperson (Part 2): "Aw, come on, D! If you didn't want to be famous then why did you agree to do the radio show in the first place?" "I was offered a very attractive bribe in the form of a regular pay cheque."

PPMB

• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part III), by jtranser (continued): Back in the 19th century when archeology was a fad among German nobility, Daria's great-great grandfather, Prinz Klaus Friedrich, was one of the most avid explorer-collectors of the period....

The Moonwalker

For a while I thought there wasn't a Daria character who had done an alter ego as Michael Jackson, but then I remembered the time-travel beginning of Is It College Yet?, which featured a few seconds in which Jake was 1980s rapper Flavor Flav and Helen was...

The Moonwalker. White glove and all.

Sorry it took me so long.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson, and thank you.



Minor Note: What other Daria character appears in an alter ego as Flavor Flav? (hint)