Vive la France!

David: But when the workers stormed the Bastille, they only found seven prisoners, and one of them was the Marquis de Sade.

Quinn: Eww.

David: That's more or less the way they felt.

Happy Bastille Day! Brittany is demonstrating her deep love for French people and their culture, which I'm sure has nothing to do with that lonely exchange student who needed an American goodbye.

Today is also the anniversary of the airing of both "The Teachings of Don Jake" in 1997 and "Lane Miserables" in 1999. Both involved a certain amount of fantasizing, but in only one episode were those fantasies glitterberry-induced. Unless Daria's hiding something from everyone.

Fanfic Update!

• Abattoir Blues (1): The Hitman and Her, by LongSnakeMoan (part 7): "'I apologise if this seems excessive, however Mr Caruso insisted that this conversation be a private one. My name is Bogdan Golovin and if Mr Caruso is correct then you are Mr DeMartino and Miss Lane and you are here to purchase weapons for the young lady. So firstly Miss Lane, have you ever owned or used a gun before?'"


• Birthday Card (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Tom Sloane slowly awoke in his bed, fresh off of his second year at Bromwell and back home in the Crew Neck for the summer, the sun was out and bright, but with his parents out of town and his sister in Europe 'finding herself, he had the whole house to himself. He then turned to look at his companion and amended that thought with, 'Well, we have the house for the month.'"


• A Chaotic Shiny Tarot Reading, by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane exchanged a look and a shrug and went inside. The inside of the tent was lit from a pair of open flaps near the top and decorated simple, moderately sized tapestries, not the in-your-face gaudy that was the stereotype of traveling shows. 'Would you be interested in having your cards read?' The lady who asked was on the high side of middle aged. 'You never know what they’ll tell you.'"


• Diagnosis (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by breitasparrow: "How can this be? I’m only twenty-four years old. How much longer will I have to paint? Her thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock on her door. 'Come in,' Jane said. Daria walked in and sat down on the bed. From the tone of Jane’s voice over the phone, she could tell there was not-so-good news to be told."


• Dreddful Dreams (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Every light in Bromwell went off at once. 'This is the Headmaster. Somewhere on campus is a commoner.'"



• A Dull Boy, by DeacBlue: "Daria looked up from her computer and glared at Quinn. 'What is it now?'"


• Ethan Yeager in Lawndale: Ch 9 Soaking Up Summer, by Shiva (part 2): "Then something very unusual happened, for the first time since the night of his arrival, Willow’s voice went for airy and happy to something else. Flat and robotic. 'Kay called today,' she said with eyes downcast at her food, and everything stopped like someone had pushed the pause button."


• The Further Adventures of Ivo Morgendorffer (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Walter Kovacs (COMPLETE!): "Eventually, Both Daria and Ivo walked into the waiting room. After about ten minutes of whispered insults and glaring at each other, the two were called in to speak with Ms. Manson After the introductions and obligatory speech about what the tests would be about, Mrs. Manson pulled out a picture of a man and a woman and showed it to Ivo. 'Now, Ian, what do you see here?' she asked."


• The Hearts Within, by neonhomer (part 6): "Stacy just nodded. She thought of the perfect way to introduce the subject. 'You mom is going to set the appointment up for me so I can go after school.' 'Appointment for what?' asked Jane. 'Pregnancy check.' Said Stacy. Jane stopped in her tracks."


• Immortal Blood, by Shiva (parts 4 and 5): "'I was just having fun.' Skylar offered up weakly in defense of his appearance. Felix just laughed at that and replied, 'Of course you were, when darkness began to fall the world truly opened up for you, it happens to all Newborns when they first begin to come into themselves.' 'Newborns?' Skylar asked in hushed tones, feeling as though he was missing something obvious." (Part 5)



• Kevin Delivers (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'...Trent have you seen my, AHHHH!' Jane screamed as she walked into the Lane's living room and beheld something she'd rather not have."


• Kinetic Adventures, by MetalShadowX (part 8): "'Oh, don't forget, you have to tutor those kids at 4.' 'How could I forget, considering who signed me up?' 'No need to thank us for convincing your counselor that it would improve your social skills.' Rio proudly smiled."


• The Kissing Book, by DeacBlue (parts 2 - 4): "Daria's emptiness consumed her. Although Tom Sloane's Special Permit, given to his family for their support in the Korean War, allowed him the right to choose any bride he wished, she had let him know the night that they met at the Zon that she did not and would not love him." (Part 3) (Part 4)


• The Last Splash, by DeacBlue (COMPLETE!): "'A little girl went down to the edge of the lake, one summer,' said Daria, throwing a stone into the water. 'It had been very hot, so there was a wide place where the water barely covered the mud. Lots of little girls and boys were playing in the mud, so the girl, as was her custom, sat down and watched what the other children did. It seemed that they had invented a game of throwing rocks in the mud.'"


• Lawndale and Sandi Griffin’s Genie (Chapter 7), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "The squirrel appeared on the top of a fence and lost its grip of the emerald. He fell down one side and the emerald, the other. By the time it had clambered over the fence, he saw that three humans had it. ‘I’ll need reinforcements,’ he thought."



• Misery Machine, by NightGoblyn (part 1): "'What's wrong, Daddy?' 'What, Sweetie?' Jake looked up from his bowl and tried to smile again. 'Nothing, nothing is wrong. Everything is just . . . I lost a client yesterday.'"


• The New Cellmate (Scenes no Daria fanfic should ever have: Trip Cyclone), by Doggieboy (COMPLETE!): "'What's going on here?' Charles asked the policeman. 'This is jail, not a kiddie care center.' The officer sneered at the prisoner. 'We found your blood brother and decided that you two would be safer if you were in solitary - together.' He chuckled. 'Unless you two want to be put into the general population...'"


• Nurse Goodnsexy Returns! (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'Aww my poor Jakey,' Helen Morgendorffer cooed to her husband as he rested in bed, laid out with a bad flu bug, 'I know that you’re sick but I have this big meeting at the office...'"


• Operation Glitterberries, by BF110C4 (chapter 7, part 4 and chapter 8, part 1): "Melody smiled as she heard a simple set of footsteps, her gambit has been successful, by turning the alarm on in her doppelganger’s room and in the TV she had managed to separate both operatives. She had already opened the curtain and stood in front of the bathroom’s door. Once he passed with his back to the bath she would strike." (Chapter 8, part 1)


• Particularly Proud (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Kaiden stirred in his sleep a little after his father kissed him lightly on the forehead and whispered 'Good night son.' before walking quietly out of his son's room, but left the door open just a crack to let the hallway light in."



• Quinn's Lab (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Reven384 (COMPLETE!): "Sandi was strapped to a table unable to move as her restraints were metal. This annoyed the girl as she was blindfolded. She felt soft hands touch her face before removing the blindfold. That was when she noticed Quinn wearing some kind of electronic eye wear and a lab coat."


• Real Criminalés (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "All through the abandoned factory on the outskirts of town, they and the friends in 'The Circle' were having fun with their victims, chosen on the basis that they deserved to die."


• Sexy Daria: Sexy Cute Models, by Shiva (part 4): "Daria was there as well, having a good time with Skylar who had proven to be something of a surprise for Jane. 'You know I have to admit that Daria’s been good for him.' Jane said quietly to herself as she found a nice quiet corner to observe everything, 'He hasn’t been quite the smarmy dude he used to be.'"


• A Special Message (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Hi this is Skylar Feldman, and contrary to the rumors and the gossip I am not a psycho!"



• Tiffany's True Blood Moment (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Tiffany Blum-Deckler: 'It willlll beeee reeeealllly shiiiineeey outtttt sinnnceee theee suuuunnn willlll beeee outtttt.'"


• Transfer Students, by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Jodie just smiled a little as Angela tried to dig herself out of the corner she had boxed herself in and just gave more stock answers, hoping that whoever had come to their school from Grove Hills didn't suck like the ones she had had the misfortune of dealing with. 'My god,' Jodie thought to herself as Li wrapped up the meeting, 'If these two are anything like that Graham character I might have to hurt someone.'"


• Unexpected Hookup: A Bigger Bite, by Shiva (part 5): "'And did you hear about what happened in the halls a few minutes ago?' Stacy asked with a cutesy giggle. 'What?' Quinn asked in turn while applying makeup. 'Your, like, cousin or whatever and her boyfriend Ronnie had a major intimate moment in front of everyone.' 'What?!'"


• Unnamed story (IC : Daria and the School of Magic), by Waylander (COMPLETE!): "'What can I do for you, Mr. Carver?' 'Professor Barksdale, I’d like to inform you that you’ve been appointed as Mage Evaluation officer. We already sent you everything you’ll need, including the results of the student’s Franklin's Test.'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Embrace the Madness), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): "What was that noise? It sounded like a car backfiring. No, it sounded like a gun, I know, there was this time in Highland . . . . Students, there is a shooter in the building. This is not a drill, this is not . . . oh, God!"


• We Don't Talk About It... (Iron Chef: Fresh takes on Veronica Morgendorffer), by peetz5050 (part 2): "It was not a pleasant trip, it rained most of the way and everyone sat in their own personal pit of silence. As they neared their destination the sun finally broke through the cloud cover but it was watery and wan, no defense against the chill wind that cut mercilessly through any layers of clothing and seemed to get into their bones. They all half ran from the parking lot up to the imposing front door of the Victorian mansion that served as the entrance to the austere modern facility behind it."


• Worked At It (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have: Monday, Monday), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "'Why should we work at it when we are already getting bored?' Tom stared at Daria for a long time. And then he pulled up his hands as if they were holding a shotgun, going 'cha-CHIK"'"