The Joys and Horrors of Sex

Let's see, what's today. This is the 170th birthday anniversary of the founder of sexology (seriously, no kidding), Dr. Richard von Krafft-Ebing. Were it not for him and all the other courageous sexologists, everything we knew about sex would still be dirty (the bad kind of dirty, not the good kind like we have now). Thanks to the pioneering work of Dr. von Krafft-Ebing, we have Sex and the City reruns and movies (see Mrs. Bennett at left), plus Daria and Jane as alien sex goddesses. And that's a good thing. We also have Mr. DeMartino in an American Beauty alter ego (right), which is a bad thing. Very bad. The horror.

This is also Lina Wertmüller's birthday, but we've covered her and the Tiffany alter ego before.

And now for the

N0OoZ!

• NEWER! Raskolnikov has begun a new Iron Chef with a clever title: The Objectivization of Women. Write a Daria fanfic that makes use of Ayn Rand or her philosophy, Objectivism. (See "Gifted" for a hint.)
  
• NEWER! Both Minx and Charliefox2012 are asking readers to decide which of their unfinished fanfics should be finished first. Click the links and vote.
  

FF.net

• Broken, by Albatrocity (Part 3): The days following the attack were a blur to Daria. She had been in and out of the hospital more times than she could remember. She stayed with Jane for hours, sometimes getting rewarded with brief bouts of wakefulness before she would drift off again. At least she was in the clear now. Technically. From the few words that Jane had said upon first awakening, she had not been herself. Granted, she was in the hospital with a pretty substantial head injury, but Daria worried for her friend. She knew this ordeal will have changed her for the rest of her life. Daria only hoped that with some time, Jane would be her old self again.
• College Wry, by LibertyBellJar (Part 6): Quinn threw open the doors to her closet, ignoring how her legs trembled after walking all the way back from the mall. A handful of striped socks flew out of the wardrobe, followed by a pair of muffin-top-inducing jeans. After only a few minutes, dozens of disposable articles of clothing were spattered across the rose-colored carpet. Quinn sank to the floor and couldn't help admiring the rainbow of cheaply-made fabrics and indecorous sequin creations. She thought of it as a cleansing experience, tossing half her closet out when it became too untrendy and donating it to some poor, unwitting charity. She was physically separating herself from unpleasant memories and (fashion) mistakes of the past, and with her lightened wardrobe would come a lighter soul.
• The DT Files: 205 That Was Then, This is Dumb, by SSJ04Mewtwo (COMPLETE!): His sleep was interrupted by the sound of his sister talking. Deciding to stay quiet and listen, he noted how his sister was teasing Daria. He was quite curious why she'd been watching him sleep. The way Jane was acting... Could Daria have a crush on him? "You sure, man? You were just waking up," Jessie comments as the two boys sit in the basement trying to stay up so they could leave at six the following morning. "I'm positive man." Trent replies. "Janie is probably just messing with her."
  

PPMB

• The Alter-Ego Chronicles 2: (Change The Story) Morning Glory, by TheExcellentS (Part 1): “Welcome back to Good Mornings with Daria and Jane, the breakfast show for people who hate breakfast. It’s 12 minutes to 9 o’clock.” “On most other shows, they would bring in an expert to show you, the loyal puppets... I mean viewers, how to do normal things. Be it cooking, craft stuff, whatever. On our show, we throw all that out the window and give you the best of our more quirky occupations.” “That’s why today we’re going to have an honest-to-God mummification in the studio!” “Hmm... so who’s the lucky volunteer getting sent to the Egyptian underworld?” “You are, Daria.” (TAEC1 is here.)
  
• Caught, by Ravenramsey (COMPLETE!): [Contains adult content, you are warned. A fanfic from some years ago has reappeared, just in time for the sexology anniversary. How weird....]
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 56: A Journey to Eternity, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “So, Daria, you met a boy?” Helen asked her daughter at the dinner table. I’m going to kill Finn for this, Daria thought. “I did not get another boyfriend,” Daria was quick to state. “He is male and I work with him on making films.” “That you had in a film festival. And you didn’t tell us?” Helen returned. “It was too far away for a trip. I just didn’t want you two to be beating yourselves over not coming.” Daria had crafted a lie for this occasion, and it worked well. “So, tell me about this man," Helen asked. "When do we get to meet him?”
• NEWER! The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (Part 18): "That conversation really took its toll on you." The old man handed Jane his handkerchief. Wiping tears away from her tired azure eyes, Jane nodded. "I want that sense of family. For that five minutes—I felt a sense of belonging. I don't have a good relationship with my two sisters. Seeing how I am with Quinn and Daria affected me some, but not like hearing Daria say to me that she loved me. The only person I ever remembered telling me that was Trent. I know she didn't realize that what I was saying was true, but when she said that she would choose being my sister over being able to walk... she meant it."
  
• NEW! Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Part 5): Jake leaves and Erin turns to Daria where she's sitting on the Lazy Boy. "Ok. What are we doing tonight, D? Yesterday you took me to a grunge club and the day before that we went to the arcade. Tell me you've got something awesome planned." Daria's eyes stay on the tv. "We're not doing anything tonight. Me and Kevin are gonna finish watching the game and then Kevin's going to help me put together the bedroom furniture Grandma Barksdale sent you down here with. Relax; you've been dragging me all over this dang town. Now shut up and watch the game."
  
• Something They Don't Have, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): She sat in the classroom unconcerned. She flicked back her hair and let out a little laugh. Yeah, call me a slut. I'm still the one with two men in a bedroom waiting to make me feel good. Go ahead and assume I'm some petty little blonde bimbo who doesn't know what I'm doing and is to dumb to make it in this world. I've got something none of you have. She laughed to herself again as she looked around the room at some of the other students. She was enjoying life and... Just then the teacher handed her a test they took. The score was no surprise. It doesn't matter, I am enjoying life.
• NEW! Unnamed story (Life in Highland: The Early Years), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): It had been almost a month since Daria and Quinn had settled in with Helen and Jake. They were a much nicer Mommy and Daddy than the other ones. Quinn adapted fast to the change, Helen was "Mommy" and Jake was "Daddy" almost from the first day they arrived in Highland. Daria had been reluctant to use such familiar words. She wasn't quite ready to trust another Mommy and Daddy. Not after what she saw back at the old house. Not after what was done to her back at the old house.
  

Wearing Only Her Legal Briefs

Legal eagle Helen Morgendorffer celebrates the arrival of the 2010 Godiva Festival in Coventry, which promises to be the best party place on Earth for the whole family. A minimum of 85,000 people are expected. No, seriously. And they won't even have a naked lady on a horse! Everyone's there for the food and music and parade. Well, we believe in traditional values here at the Daria Fandom Blog II, so we do have a naked lady on a horse. No Godiva chocolates, though. We're on a diet.

Eight years ago today, Daria began airing on The N, but in a severely censored form that caused legions of Daria fans to rend their garments and cast ashes on their heads. Is It Fall Yet? was so chopped up the plot made no sense. (Click the link to Outpost Daria to see how the movie was edited.) The butchered episodes ceased to appear in 2006.

The Roswell UFO event is alleged to have occurred 63 years ago today, though accounts have changed over the years and different dates have been offered. Thanks to Roswell, we have soap operas about troubled alien-human-robot love triangles. Or we should have.

Daria said three little important words to her future husband on this day ten years ago. Do you know the fanfic in which she did this?

N0OoZ!!

• Roentgen has produced a clever timeline showing what has been going on in Lawndale High without Daria and Quinn present.
• The Daria Fan Club has grown and changed a good bit. You might wish to check it out.
• Can there be good things in bad episodes? Byron Lomax asks that question, then invites your response. What do you think? (Me, I haven't seen a bad Daria episode yet.)

FF.net

• The InDark, by Mediancat (Part 22): The screams had come from beefy guy and his wife. 'Course, Daria could hardly blame them, with the eyeless robed guy with a long knife walking around waving it at people. He'd been headed for Amy's car, but on seeing Daria and Oz had turned towards them. It was as if his orders were: "Go after Daria, slash tires, and scare people," in that order of importance. It was a good thing no one had tossed in "Go after her friends." (Daria/Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

PPMB

• Anti-Trope, by Minx (continued): "I demand you do something about this!" Ms. Li looked at the irate woman that stood before her and sighed. "Mrs. Rowe, I'm afraid there just isn't enough evidence to support your claims," she said calmly. "What more evidence do you need?" Mrs. Rowe exclaimed as she threw her hands above her head. "My son has e-mails to that boy discussing the paper, he even has handwritten notes! Look!" Mrs. Rowe retrieved a manila folder from her briefcase and dropped it on the desk in front of Ms. Li. "if that isn’t enough evidence I don't know what is." Mrs. Rowe smiled victoriously as she waited for the principal to respond.
• Daria: Hunter 6—Infectious, by Jim North (continued): Burnout moved to follow her, but Jane put her hand out and shook her head. The blonde frowned but stayed at the doorway, slingshot at the ready. Jane turned to the rest of the group and noticed a high keening noise. It took her a few seconds to trace the sound to Brittany, who was staring down at Mack and screaming as quietly as she could. DeMartino and Kevin had picked themselves up off the ground, but Mack sat against the wall, cradling his dead wife's arm. His eyes were wide, his dark skin had gone ashen, and his breathing had turned ragged. Even at a distance and in the poor lighting, Jane could see the perspiration standing out on his forehead. She knelt down next to him, making sure her blade arm was as far back as she could get it.
• Finn Morgendorffer 51: A Matter of Trust, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 4): Daria was still wrestling on what to do with Henry, and she decided the only person she could talk to about it was Jane. She headed over to BFAC unannounced, hoping that Jane was there. Sometimes it could be hard to find her. Jane had been spending a lot of time with Miranda and Mark, and, while Daria knew better than to lash out at them, particularly since Jane was so happy, it bothered her. She was spending more and more time alone. She was disappointed when she knocked on the door and found that the other two wheels, Miranda and Mark, were the only two people in the room.
• Is It Over Yet? by S.C. and Kara Wild (COMPLETE!): "You have ONE last chance to make your WOEFUL study habits moot during the final exam! Which is why I ENCOURAGE you to sign up for the new school TUTORING program. The smart ones to teach, the IDIOTS get to ruin someone ELSE'S life for a change!" "Well, when you make it sound so rewarding..." (PPMB discussion thread)
• Judith Strikes! The Taking of Lawndale High, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): If you were out in Lawndale after curfew, you were either desperate—for food, for shelter, for an escape—or hard as nails. Either way, you wouldn’t go to the Zon. It was too big a wreck, too condemned, too much a reminder of how Li had massacred organized resistance in her rise to power. So twenty-one people sneaking into it over the space of an hour? Twenty-one people who were clearly armed? If you’d seen that you’d immediately know something was up, just before they slotted you before you blabbed it.
• Politricks Are Not for Kids, by Brian Taylor (Part 3): "She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes... she'll be coming 'round the the mountain when she comes..." "Oh, Jesus God, why won't you leave me alone?"
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria and Jane pregnant at the same time), by Vukodlak (COMPLETE!): Tom was sitting at home watching TV eating some popcorn. In a couple of weeks he'd be off to Bromwell, for now he was enjoying Sick Sad World. Well, "enjoying" wasn't exactly true—there simply wasn't anything else on. It had been over a month since the incident in which a moment of weakness after their breakup Tom went to Jane's and they ended up sleeping together. And the following day Daria, filled with regret over the breakup, went to see him and they made up all night long. Needless to say it had been a very awkward couple of days, but they had managed to talk things out and clear the air... though he hadn't spoken to either of them since. "Millionaire playboy knocks up both his ex-girl friends who used to be best friends, when Sick, Sad World returns." "What an idiot," Tom said to himself. At that moment there was a knock at the door.
  

X-Day Marks the Spot!

Last, but not least, today is X-Day! What is X-Day, you ask? That is sort of hard to explain to anyone who is not a member of the Church of the SubGenius, which worships (in a manner of speaking) J. R. "Bob" Dobbs. See, the world was conquered and enslaved by alien invaders ten years ago today, and now . . . um, maybe it's better if you just click on the link and read about it there.

At left we see J. R. "Bob" Dobbs and his wife Connie Dobbs, the Blessed Anti-virgin, who have just finished an exhausting ritual celebrating the coming arrival of the Sex Goddesses (not Daria and Jane, although they could be Daria and Jane) on X-Day, which happened ten years ago but you and I missed it. See, I told you it was hard to explain. The official website is here. Strange how much Jake with a pipe looks like "Bob," isn't it?

Has anyone used "Bob" in a Daria fanfic? An avatar of "Bob" appears in "Drive," chapter nine, but that's the only one I know of. Any others?