The Joys and Horrors of Sex

Let's see, what's today. This is the 170th birthday anniversary of the founder of sexology (seriously, no kidding), Dr. Richard von Krafft-Ebing. Were it not for him and all the other courageous sexologists, everything we knew about sex would still be dirty (the bad kind of dirty, not the good kind like we have now). Thanks to the pioneering work of Dr. von Krafft-Ebing, we have Sex and the City reruns and movies (see Mrs. Bennett at left), plus Daria and Jane as alien sex goddesses. And that's a good thing. We also have Mr. DeMartino in an American Beauty alter ego (right), which is a bad thing. Very bad. The horror.

This is also Lina Wertmüller's birthday, but we've covered her and the Tiffany alter ego before.

And now for the

N0OoZ!

• NEWER! Raskolnikov has begun a new Iron Chef with a clever title: The Objectivization of Women. Write a Daria fanfic that makes use of Ayn Rand or her philosophy, Objectivism. (See "Gifted" for a hint.)
  
• NEWER! Both Minx and Charliefox2012 are asking readers to decide which of their unfinished fanfics should be finished first. Click the links and vote.
  

FF.net

• Broken, by Albatrocity (Part 3): The days following the attack were a blur to Daria. She had been in and out of the hospital more times than she could remember. She stayed with Jane for hours, sometimes getting rewarded with brief bouts of wakefulness before she would drift off again. At least she was in the clear now. Technically. From the few words that Jane had said upon first awakening, she had not been herself. Granted, she was in the hospital with a pretty substantial head injury, but Daria worried for her friend. She knew this ordeal will have changed her for the rest of her life. Daria only hoped that with some time, Jane would be her old self again.
• College Wry, by LibertyBellJar (Part 6): Quinn threw open the doors to her closet, ignoring how her legs trembled after walking all the way back from the mall. A handful of striped socks flew out of the wardrobe, followed by a pair of muffin-top-inducing jeans. After only a few minutes, dozens of disposable articles of clothing were spattered across the rose-colored carpet. Quinn sank to the floor and couldn't help admiring the rainbow of cheaply-made fabrics and indecorous sequin creations. She thought of it as a cleansing experience, tossing half her closet out when it became too untrendy and donating it to some poor, unwitting charity. She was physically separating herself from unpleasant memories and (fashion) mistakes of the past, and with her lightened wardrobe would come a lighter soul.
• The DT Files: 205 That Was Then, This is Dumb, by SSJ04Mewtwo (COMPLETE!): His sleep was interrupted by the sound of his sister talking. Deciding to stay quiet and listen, he noted how his sister was teasing Daria. He was quite curious why she'd been watching him sleep. The way Jane was acting... Could Daria have a crush on him? "You sure, man? You were just waking up," Jessie comments as the two boys sit in the basement trying to stay up so they could leave at six the following morning. "I'm positive man." Trent replies. "Janie is probably just messing with her."
  

PPMB

• The Alter-Ego Chronicles 2: (Change The Story) Morning Glory, by TheExcellentS (Part 1): “Welcome back to Good Mornings with Daria and Jane, the breakfast show for people who hate breakfast. It’s 12 minutes to 9 o’clock.” “On most other shows, they would bring in an expert to show you, the loyal puppets... I mean viewers, how to do normal things. Be it cooking, craft stuff, whatever. On our show, we throw all that out the window and give you the best of our more quirky occupations.” “That’s why today we’re going to have an honest-to-God mummification in the studio!” “Hmm... so who’s the lucky volunteer getting sent to the Egyptian underworld?” “You are, Daria.” (TAEC1 is here.)
  
• Caught, by Ravenramsey (COMPLETE!): [Contains adult content, you are warned. A fanfic from some years ago has reappeared, just in time for the sexology anniversary. How weird....]
  
• Finn Morgendorffer 56: A Journey to Eternity, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “So, Daria, you met a boy?” Helen asked her daughter at the dinner table. I’m going to kill Finn for this, Daria thought. “I did not get another boyfriend,” Daria was quick to state. “He is male and I work with him on making films.” “That you had in a film festival. And you didn’t tell us?” Helen returned. “It was too far away for a trip. I just didn’t want you two to be beating yourselves over not coming.” Daria had crafted a lie for this occasion, and it worked well. “So, tell me about this man," Helen asked. "When do we get to meet him?”
• NEWER! The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (Part 18): "That conversation really took its toll on you." The old man handed Jane his handkerchief. Wiping tears away from her tired azure eyes, Jane nodded. "I want that sense of family. For that five minutes—I felt a sense of belonging. I don't have a good relationship with my two sisters. Seeing how I am with Quinn and Daria affected me some, but not like hearing Daria say to me that she loved me. The only person I ever remembered telling me that was Trent. I know she didn't realize that what I was saying was true, but when she said that she would choose being my sister over being able to walk... she meant it."
  
• NEW! Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Part 5): Jake leaves and Erin turns to Daria where she's sitting on the Lazy Boy. "Ok. What are we doing tonight, D? Yesterday you took me to a grunge club and the day before that we went to the arcade. Tell me you've got something awesome planned." Daria's eyes stay on the tv. "We're not doing anything tonight. Me and Kevin are gonna finish watching the game and then Kevin's going to help me put together the bedroom furniture Grandma Barksdale sent you down here with. Relax; you've been dragging me all over this dang town. Now shut up and watch the game."
  
• Something They Don't Have, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): She sat in the classroom unconcerned. She flicked back her hair and let out a little laugh. Yeah, call me a slut. I'm still the one with two men in a bedroom waiting to make me feel good. Go ahead and assume I'm some petty little blonde bimbo who doesn't know what I'm doing and is to dumb to make it in this world. I've got something none of you have. She laughed to herself again as she looked around the room at some of the other students. She was enjoying life and... Just then the teacher handed her a test they took. The score was no surprise. It doesn't matter, I am enjoying life.
• NEW! Unnamed story (Life in Highland: The Early Years), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): It had been almost a month since Daria and Quinn had settled in with Helen and Jake. They were a much nicer Mommy and Daddy than the other ones. Quinn adapted fast to the change, Helen was "Mommy" and Jake was "Daddy" almost from the first day they arrived in Highland. Daria had been reluctant to use such familiar words. She wasn't quite ready to trust another Mommy and Daddy. Not after what she saw back at the old house. Not after what was done to her back at the old house.