Down with All Hands

"Just Add Water" celebrates its 11th birthday today, having premiered on MTV that long ago. Much has been said here about that episode, so it will not be repeated. The unaired pilot episode of Daria, "Sealed with a Kick," is 15 years old, and fanfic character and Daria love Michael Fulton is 29. I forgot where I discovered that last bit of info, maybe someone can tell me the story in which that date appears.

I took yesterday off, so sue me.

NEWZZZ!!

• Charles RB asks, is it better or worse for Erin and Brian to have stayed married?

PPMB

• Anticipation, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Six days until graduation and I will NEVER have to step inside Lawndale High again!" "I know. And then, come September, the Big City, the Bright Lights, the separate boyfriends!" "I hate you. Sheesh, you steal one boyfriend, and they never let you forget it." "What are friends for? Hey, what's with the waterworks, amiga? You OK?" "Yeah. Just a bit emotional since the other day. Had a session with the therapist and it went places I didn't expect. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to have a friend like you."

• The Camera I, by Brian Taylor (Part 1): The lens cap is removed. The camera begins recording an image of a dining room table after a party. Covered in shreds of wrapping paper. Paper plates. Plastic forks. A half-eaten chocolate cake. It pans up to reveal a weary housewife bent over the table, shoveling wrapping paper into a trash bag. She has dark hair and ruddy coloring, and she looks to be in her forties. "Stately Barksdale Manor," intones Amy dramatically on the narration. "Where even as we speak, Edie Barksdale, put-upon housewife by day and crimefighting dynamo by night, is preparing to do battle with her trickiest opponent yet—Wraps McGee, the sinister shrinkage king of suburban Virginia!"
• The Dam Bursts, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "So, wanna come in?" "No, not today. I'm kind of bushed. I need a nap." "OK, call me later if you want. 'Bye!' "'Bye!" She discovered several thick envelopes in the mailbox, all addressed to her, from several of the colleges she'd applied to. Including Bromwell. Collecting her mail and leaving the rest in the box, she went in and up to her room. She stared at the acceptance letter from Bromwell. She smiled to herself in satisfaction.
• Daria/Dorian 6: Christmas Chaos, by LadieT (Part 6): "Jane, you broke up with your boyfriend and ended up on crutches thanks to me." "True, but I got a better boyfriend out of the deal." Jane kissed Dorian's cheek. "As for the crutches, blame the three doofuses for that. Besides, if I wasn't hurt, I wouldn't be having the best Christmas I have had in years." Dorian gave her a quick kiss as he heard the front door open.
• Dimwits & Dragons, by Ken T. (Part 4): The thunder of thousands of feet filled the air as Daria and Jane ran alongside each other, desperately trying to keep up with the horde. The draw of the Hunger was very strong now. Something deep inside Daria wanted to find a sword, a stick, anything, and start swinging it. All that little twerp gave her was a useless hat... wait a minute. She was able to pull a mallet out of that hat. Where did it go? (Daria/Dungeons & Dragons: The Animated Series)
• Finn Morgendorffer 55: Dreamer Without a Cause, by HolyGrail2007 (Parts 7 and 8): “Well, before that, we’re going to a film festival. Daria’s got a film playing.” “Really?” Jodie was completely surprised by that one. “That’s... that’s great. She made one, you said?” “With a film-making club she joined earlier this semester.” “Yeah, I was surprised, too.” “You’re going too, Finn?” “Jane asked me to come, Daria didn’t.” (Part 8)

• Jane Lane: Ace attorney—Turnabout Teacher's Pet, by LSauchelli (Parts 11 and 12): Jane was nervously going one more time through the court file when the Judge called for everyone’s silence and attention. “Order! Order!” He looked professional and solemn for a second, but Jane knew better now than to be fooled by his appearance. “This court will now begin the re-trial of Jane Babin, accused of murdering Superintendent Carwright.” “OBJECTION!” shouted Jane at the top of her lungs. (Part 12) (Daria/Ace Attorney game)
• The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (Part 17): Jane stared nervously at the old man. He gave her a reassuring smile. She leaned over, staring down into the blackness. Jane was about to walk back to the bench. The old man stopped her. "If you walk away, the hole will close. I will not be able to open another one. There is nothing to be afraid of. You cannot physically get hurt. I know that it looks like complete darkness, but it's just the way to enter your subconscious. The decent takes less than a second. Now, remember, your five minutes starts the moment that Jane wakes up. Good luck. I will see you upon your return." Jane summoned all her courage. She closed her eyes and jumped.
  
• Li Don't Like Mondays II, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "ALERT! ALERT! A SHOOTER IS RAIDING THE SCHOOL -" Tinny recorded sounds of a gun came over. "EVERYONE TO DRILL POSITIONS!" "Oh darn," sighed O'Neill. "Oh well, lockdown is in session, class!" Daria felt a brief surge of panic, only to notice the rest of the class looked... well, bored. That struck her as odd. "Jane? I know this class is boring, but has it really put everyone in such a stupor that they didn't hear we're being shot at?"
• Li Don't Like Mondays II (Alternate Ending), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): Daria turned her head and looked behind her at the offending freckle faced male. Her cold glare got a twiddle finger wave back from the boy in response. She turned her focus to her phone as she thumb-tapped a response on her keypad and sent it back: "dismembering & disposing of ur corpse creep" A few more quick thumb taps and the offending number was blocked before Upchuck's face had a chance to fall as he read the reply.
• MST version of TAG's "Daria 2007: The Girl from Hope" by Charles RB (Parts 3 and 4): [Won't spoil it for you!] (Part 4)
• No Child Left Behind, by Malakite (COMPLETE!): Mr. DeMartino had barely started in his rant about being interrupted for complete nonsense when Quinn (and everyone else) heard-or rather felt the explosion.Some of the tacky things on the walls fell off, as well as a cup near the edge of DeMartino's desk.
• Stardate: Esteemsters, by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): It was time for Worf to enter the simulation. Wearing a white shirt that had seen too many washings and a loose black tie, Worf strode forward confidently. "You shall remain seated," he growled. "Class...there is a new student in the classroom. Her name is Daria Morgendorffer." He paused. "You will greet her." The crowd mumbled almost inaudibly. It did not please Worf. "I stated... you will greet her!" He brought his fist down upon the desk, almost putting his hand right through the cheap wood. The class was... more enthusiastic, and the response was more genuine.

• Unnamed story (Daria/Dorian 6: Christmas Chaos), by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): "I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT A LEOPARD SKIN BIKINI AND A CAN OF WHIPPED CREAM!"
• Unnamed story (The Hallowed Halls of Fielding), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): In the private hell of his darkened room, Anthony took another swig of the vodka. Again, his mind screamed at him that he should have had the damn balls to become a mariner like he'd dreamed. But he'd been scared. And so he'd meandered and now...
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Misery Chip), by smk (COMPLETE!): Data, carefully following his PADD display, "Esteem... a teen. They do not really rhyme, do they? The sounds do not quite mesh. And that, in fact, is often the case when it comes to a teen and esteem. The two just do not seem to go together. But we are here to begin realizing your actuality and when we do, each and every one of you will be able to stand proudly and proclaim, "I am." Now, before we... " Since Data had been too focused on his PADD to notice her raised hand, Troi spoke up, "Excuse me. I have a question. I want to know what 'realizing your actuality' means."
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Modern Day Daria), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "BOMBSNIFFING DOGS? Are you serious?" "Yes, I saw the truck outside the school when Quinn and I were driving to the mall." "What the hell is Li thinking? Bombs? At 'Laaaaaawndale High'?" Jane's impression of Angela Li was spot on. Her impression of Angela Li in the throes of orgasm was always a hit in the girl's bathroom. "Really. You realize this means more cuts to the academic. music and arts curricula, right?"
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Modern Day Daria), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "So when you were my age, did you treat your mother with respect and listen to her?"

• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Derek (COMPLETE!): "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." "Heh heh, they said 'ass', heh heh." (Star Trek TNG/Beavis and Butt-head/Daria (maybe))
• The Vision of the Burning Cities, by jtranser (continued): Ensorceled in slumber, Christopher Atkins found himself walking slowly across a enormous, intricately woven carpet which seemed to stretch out all the way to the horizon. As he moved, he became aware of a peculiar sound coming from the area of his feet. Looking down, he noticed that the small sections of weave were rippling around his shoes...