Fanfic Central

Let's skip the calendar/date stuff and dive right into the fanfic, why don't we.

No sense in waiting for it.

But first the news.

NoOoO0Z!!

• Charles RB presents us with a new Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED. Awesome results.
• IMPORTANT: Staren has announced that he will be working on the software for DariaWiki this weekend, so if the site goes down do not panic. Repeat: DO NOT PANIC!!!! AAAUUUGGH!!
• NEWEST! Charliefox2012 needs help writing a Daria/Ranma 1/2 crossover fanfic. See what you can do.
• NEWEST ART! The Mystik Goblin King, by Breitasparrow, and a Red Dawn 2010 poster with Daria Morgendorffer, by Roentgen
  

PPMB

• NEW! At the Fics with Quinn and Stacy, by Chris Tucker (Parts 1 and 2 and 3): "Hi! And welcome to another edition of At the Fics with Jane and Daria. I'm Quinn Morgendorffer and my co-host is Stacy Rowe. We're filling in for Daria and Jane. Last week's show took a LOT out of them and they're taking a short break. So, this time we're gonna talk about those really weird hookups that those super-creepy fanfic writers can't stop writing." "That's right, Quinn. First off, it's the really icky hook ups with the Fashion Club. I don't get it, what's so hot about two hot girls who are really good friends kissing each other?" "RE-allly! I mean, what's the point? Come on, lets show the audience what I mean about how silly it is. Stacy, kiss me." (Part 2) (Part 3)
  

• Daria/Dorian 6: Christmas Chaos, by LadieT (Part 4): Jane could see the concern on Tom's face. As he approached, Tom noticed the young man standing beside Jane. He decided it was in his best interest not to go any closer. Jane nudged Dorian. Dorian nodded and they walked towards Jane's ex. Quinn led Lillian over to the mall's entrance. Jane, Dorian and Tom stood there in an uncomfortable silence. "I sprained my ankle on a class hiking trip." "That's terrible. How long will you be on crutches?" "About another week. Could have been worse if Dorian," Jane pointed in his direction, "hadn't of been there. He's taken really good care of me. I'm sorry Tom, let me introduce you. Tom Sloane meet Dorian Morgendorffer. Dorian my ex-boyfriend Tom."

• Dimwits & Dragons, by Ken T. (Chapter 3): "Well, there's good news. There's so many of them, I doubt they'll notice when we walk in. The bad news is, if they do notice us, we won't have much time to say our prayers before we're hacked into bite-size chunks." "Is there any other way we could look for Mack?" Upchuck asked, uneasily. "Nope." Daria said flatly. "What about your hat? Maybe you could conjure something up." "I'm as new to this stuff as the rest of you. I don't know how this thing works."
• NEWER! Finn Morgendorffer 55: Dreamer Without a Cause, by HolyGrail2007 (Parts 4 and 5): Normally, Jane and Daria got pizza alone, and Daria knew why. There were few people she could count as friends in Raft, and it was pretty much limited to the club, and Jane didn’t want to put Daria out by constantly bringing over people. But now, the twosome became a group of five. “So this is the legendary Henry.” Miranda laughed a bit. It seemed Jane had told her stories. (Part 5)
  

• Grove Hell 2: All the Lawndale People, by Charles RB (Part 6 and 7): “I hate myself in a formal dress, and everyone else, too. You don't look too thrilled about things, either.” “Oh, no,” said Daria. “I'm overjoyed to be at this big family event. I have such fun with three family members on a day-to-day basis, who wouldn’t want to hang out with even more of them? I can’t wait to hear another thrilling anecdote about how someone last saw me when I was in diapers.” “There goes my line then,” said Amy. “Let's see, you're in college now, or something.” “Still high school, unfortunately.” “I have some vague memories of high school, but these days, you all carry weapons, right?” “Nah, that was back in Highland. I just acted as a spotter.” “Well, how are you ever going to be a cool kid without a gun, Daria?” (Part 7) (FF.net)
• NEWEST! I Was a Teenage Sex Kitten for an Alien Love Goddess from Planet Zippotron in Sensual-Surround Kink-O-Rama 9-D and Cosmocolor! by Erin M. (Part 1): Angela Li stared at the special news report on her office TV. She then pressed a button on the underside of her desk. The shelves behind her split and slid aside, revealing an impressive control panel complete with monitors, flashing lights, readouts, and other expensive accouterments paid for by illegally appropriated funds. She quickly checked her own readings from the myriad security devices installed around the school, then slumped in her chair. It was true. "I knew this day would come," she murmured. She spun around in her chair, and grabbed the PA microphone. The students had to be warned and prepared for the coming of the alien threat. (NEWEST! FF.net)
  

• It's the Suits! by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "Attention: we are under attack!" cried the voice of Ms. Li over the intercom. "Yes, we're being attacked by barbarian hordes." Daria quipped. Much to her surprise, everyone including Jane stood up. "Jane, what's going on?" Jane looked over at her friend with harsh eyes for a moment, but then she remembered a simple fact and her eyes softened. "Damn it, Daria, for a sec I forgot!" She turned to Mr. O’Neill, who now had a tough-as-nails expression on his face that actually made Daria's head hurt to look at. "Sir, Daria is not from Lawndale! She has no battle experience and is uninformed." "I forgot about that. Daria, you are a fine student, you may be excused. Jane will also be excused to lead you to the civilian shelter. God-speed, Lane." He said this as he and Jane saluted each other. "What the hell is going on here?" Daria yelled.
  

• Jane Lane: Ace Attorney—Turnabout Teacher's Pet, by LSauchelli (Parts 7 and 8): The science classroom wasn’t too different from what Jane remembered. A blackboard and the teacher’s desk at the front, with several rows of tables and stools. At the back and at the side of the classroom there were some cabinets, and an emergency shower. Next to the teacher’s desk, there was a door for a closet, probably where Barch kept her stuff. “Well, well, doesn’t it bring good memories, kitten?” said Charles. Jane was about to tell him not to call her ‘kitten’, if he wanted his shins to remain intact, when the sound of something hitting wood distracted her. “Who is there?” she asked, standing by the door to stop whoever was inside with them to escape them. (Part 8)
  

• John Lane 47: Another Look in the Mirror, by RLobinske (Part 2): Almost ready for bed, John took a t-shirt from his dresser and pulled it over his head. As his head cleared the shirt, he noticed the dusty garter setting on his shelf. Curious, he picked it up, blew the dust away and stared at the small, elastic band. That means your garter is null and void. Daria's comment came to mind. He thought back to that evening two years before and felt a twinge of dismay.
• The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (Parts 14 and 15): Daria asked Jane and Quinn if they wanted to go with her to physical therapy. Quinn had plans to go over to Stacy's house. Jane decided to join them. Daria called shotgun. As Jane loaded Daria's wheelchair into the trunk, Jake approached her. "Have you ever been with Daria to therapy before?" "No, Dad." "It's hard to watch Jane. They really put her through the ringer. So keep in mind they are only doing it to help her. She has made great improvements since she started, but she gets frustrated. Maybe having you there will help her stay motivated." (Part 15)

• Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (continued): The uncomfortable silence is broken by Daria dropping her knife and fork to her plate. "Look, I need to know what you guys expect from me. Because whatever you want, I can do it but not if you don't tell me what that is." Jake's been in a state of confusion since 8:00 A.M. The last thing he did before he left Buxton Ridge had been to spit on the ground right before he exited the front gate; the last thing his daughter did was make a stone rubbing of the coat of arms which she then gingerly tucked away in her duffel bag. He's never seen anyone look like hell before but his first look at Daria would qualify as such. Maybe he had overreacted but when he caught a glimpse of her bruised, exhausted face he'd rushed over to her, ready and willing to hug her and never let go. The moment he had entered her personal space, she had snapped off a salute and moved to shake his hand. The urge to hug her had died and his confusion had started. "What do you mean, kiddo?"

• The Misery Chick, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): Jane mulled over her brief career as a high school student and found herself dissatisfied. Yes, she had pulled up her average in time for the SAT’s, made a considerable amount of money for college, even gotten into the school of her choice- but it all seemed empty. Here she stood on the cusp, just one short step away from adulthood, ready to leave her childhood behind... and found herself with no one to say goodbye to. Having surrendered herself to this melancholy, Jane never heard anyone walk up behind her. A light tap on the shoulder announced the presence of an unexpected companion.

• My World Alone: The Start of Jane Lane's Journey, by OverlordMikey (Part 1): Jane sighed as she looked over at Daria, sitting blankly at the desk unmoving. Jane got up and walked over to her friend. She looked at the computer in front of Daria who was frozen in mid-sentence of the story she had been working on. "Heh, only a few more days till graduation huh..." Jane remained silent for awhile before finally just leaving the room. She entered the bathroom to take a bath. Looking into the mirror she saw a young woman staring back at her. How many years had passed for her: four? Five? Maybe even six? Her body had developed a little more, although she wasn't exactly a movie star which she would admit was a bit of a disappointment. She let out a sigh as she started the bath. She used to question it. Why does the water run, why do I always have food, why? Why? Why? At some point the questions stopped. Her world was the world for only her. No one else moved or talked. A world only for her...

• Pulp Fiction: Africa, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): Heads up! Coup in progress capitol city. Army divided. PM safe for now. Pro coup armor en route. Rolling right through your location in maybe 2 hours max. Evac everyone. Under fire here. Can't help. You're on your own. Make us proud! Good Luck! // "Crap!" // Confab with village elders. Some want to fight. Pointed sticks and a handful of AK-47 rifles is no match against rolling armor. Dust cloud on horizon. Tanks are coming. Everyone is moving within the hour. // We need a miracle from you. Delay armor! One hour. Coup on verge of collapse sans extra armor. Hold the line for one hour. // One hour? Is that all? I'm on it. I've got an idea.
• Pulp Fiction: Boston Street Scene, by Chris Tucker (Part 1): "Daria, it's March, you live in Boston, WHERE did you get that tan? Hopefully NOT a machine, because they're really bad for your skin, you know. You DO use moisturizers, right?" Quinn did care about her older sister. After all, if Daria looked bad, THAT would reflect badly on Quinn! And what's with those clothes? Better than that same outfit she wore all the time in high school, but not by much. "Where's this restaurant we're going to? Is it French? I LOVE French cuisine! Daria! Are you LISTENING to me?"

• NEW! Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): Finally free of gravel lining the road, DeMartino pelted his way across the lot to join them. Once they were about halfway down the row, he looked over his shoulder to see Sandi slowly marching toward them, tire iron in hand. He was just about to call off the knocking and recommend a full retreat when one of the doors between them and her opened and a young red-headed man stepped out, peering around curiously. "Upchuck!" Jane yelled. "Get your keister over here!" (continued here) (NEW! even more continued here)
  

• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): [I can't repeat it. It's too horrible.]
• NEWER! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): Outside the school, surrounding the perimeter, lay the combined forces of the Lawndale PD and the Maryland National Guard. The Superintendent stood, bellowing through a loudspeaker: "MS LI, YOU'RE NOT THE PRINCIPAL ANYMORE. THERE'S NO NEED FOR YOUR RETIREMENT TO GO THIS MESSILY." Daria Morgendorffer, clad in urban camo, sat at a table manning radio comms and a map of the school. "The east side is the weakest point: the fire exit for the gymnasium. Li's got everyone covering the obvious weak points and that means she can't have anyone there. Move fast enough, you can reach her office in five minutes."
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Malakite (COMPLETE!): The school intercom screeched to life. "Attention: We are under attack." Most of the students in the room had merely blank or bemused expressions on their faces, which turned to incredulity as Mr. O'Neill dropped the book he had been holding and folded into a simpering mass of tears on the floor. Three students, however, had reactions that stood out.

• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): The school intercom screeched to life. "Attention: We are under attack." As she tried to comprehend the announcement, Daria turned to Jane and goggled as her friend reached into her backpack and pulled out a futuristic looking Buck Rogers-type weapon. She fired and turned Mr. O'Neill into a four course chicken dinner for a family of six. "ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!" Jane yelled, standing on top of her desk. "THIS PLANET IS NOW OFFICIALLY ABSORBED INTO THE GREAT AND ETERNAL ZIPPOTRONIAN EMPIRE!"

• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): The school intercom screeched to life. "Attention: We are under attack." The usual simpering expression disappeared from Mr. O'Neill's face, leaving him looking like a completely different man. He put the papers he had been just about to hand out down on his desk, looked down sadly, and heaved a sigh. "Children," he said in a rich, baritone voice, "I am sorry it finally had to come to this. 'Lawndale is a shining point of light for the future'."
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): The school intercom screeched to life. "Attention: we are under attack." "Looks like Ms Li's overdosed on the Ultra Cola again," Daria said with a sigh. "Rally to me, o people of Mars!" Li crooned as the sound of the office door being opened came over the speakers. "The forces of Venus have breached my mighty citadel! Hey! Watch your hands, you Venusian thug!"

• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "I hate this thing, it is so slow. I can't wait to get the smell of french fries off of me." "Yeah... after a long day at the office I just want to go home and crash." "What do you do for a living?" "Oh, I'm a sex slave for an Alien Love Goddess."
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): The school intercom screeched to life. "Attention: we are under attack. All alien fighters report for duty." Daria sighed and stood up. "Why do they always come right before lunch?" Jane smirk and replied, "They're just trying to save you from being poisoned by the cafeteria food. Besides, you can use the exercise." (Daria/Alien Nine)

• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: ATTACK WARNING RED), by Ranger Thorne (COMPLETE!): "Nice security outfit," the general said as he saw the monitors. "The very latest," Li confirmed. He nodded, then turned serious. "How is the subliminal training going?" "There are," she shrugged and frowned, "a few kinks." "Such as?" With a sigh, she picked up the intercom. "Attention!" she barked. "we are under attack." The results of her announcement were instantaneous. Li watched as Manson began to put her hands to her neck as she did a fish impression. Barch, however, had tackled one of the football players and was trying to eat his hair. DeMartino had simply exploded.
• NEWER! Unnamed story (Scenes That Should Be: Breakfast of Zombie Champions), by Ranger Thorne (COMPLETE!): Standing next to the Pentagon, the small group looked nervous, but held hands as directed. Helen looked at Jake and smiled as she nodded. He took a deep breath then smiled back. “Come on, everyone,” Jake encouraged, “If we all focus our positive energy, we can make the Pentagon rise off the ground.” The group closed their eyes and appeared to concentrate, so none of them saw the way Jake gritted his teeth or the slight wisps of smoke that trailed from the corners of his eyes.
  

One RBF, Comin' Up!

This is National Root Beer Float Day, says the calendar. So be it. Go forth and consume mass quantities.

The World Wide Web is 19 years old today, almost legally old enough to drink. Here is a snapshot of its birth. Also having birthdays today are Kevin Mitnick, mega-hacker; Geri Halliwell, ex-Spice Girl; director M. Night Shyamalan ("I see dead people"); and Pop icon creator Andy Warhol. Two of the above had Daria alter-egos drawn for them. Can you guess which ones? Click and see.

KNEWZ!

• The rules for the 2010 Daria Fanworks Awards are being discussed at this time. Join it, please.
• Anyone want Daria stickers? Really? Look no further.
• Questions remain over whether Daria will appear in any new Beavis and Butt-head episodes. At least give us Cassandra!
• Are there alter egos that should have been drawn for the Daria cast? Fans say YES!
• NEW! Charles RB asks, "If the Morgendorffers are upper-middle class... why did they live in Highland for so long?" If you know the answer, or think you do, tell us.
  

One None for the Road, Please

Today, strange as it may seem, is International Beer Day, celebrated in the most obvious way possible: drink a beer. Root beer is permissible, which is good because that's all I'm going to drink. Maybe with ice cream, however. Mmmm. If you drink real beer, please be considerate of others and drink responsibly. And have fun.

The object as left is a drawing of a flask, ostensibly for alcoholic beverages such as beer. It came from an MTV Animation archive somewhere and appeared on Daria, but I can't recall where. Maybe it belonged to Mr. DeMartino in "The Daria Hunter."

I was sure I had some other beer-related images in my picture file. Gimme a minute...

There we go! McGrundy's Pub.

Neil Armstrong turns 80 today. The first long-distance journey by car was performed 122 years ago about now by a woman and her two sons. The woman who did it was the wife of a car maker: Bertha Benz. Thanks to her, everyone realized what automobiles were capable of, and the rest is history.

NuZ!

• Crossovers Still Crossing Over is the new crossover thread (thank you, Richard!)
• "Pulp Fiction" background notes on the Doc Savage universe are being offered by Chris Tucker.
• NEW! Upchuck—Threat or Menace? is still bringing in comments. So are Daria's Attempted Murder and Possible story idea: Jane doesn't get into BFAC.
  

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• At the Fics with Daria and Jane: Intermission I, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): Jane's left eye was swollen shut, although the sunglasses and makeup hid most of the bruising. As did the fashionable scarf around her neck for the bruises on her throat. Daria fared much better, as the element of surprise was in her favor. Although the knee to her abdomen was painful, it was the burns on her butt from the Taser that caused the most discomfort. The show producer mentioned the tranquilizer gun and the absolute lack of reluctance to use it if need be.
• At the Fics with Daria and Jane: Part II, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Hey there! Welcome back to 'At the Fics' with Daria and Jane.' Daria got a bit frisky with her faux outrage there and we had some set malfunctions." "You can barely see the swelling from here, Jane. A little ice and you'll be JUST fine..."
• NEW! Dimwits & Dragons, by Ken T. (Part 2): The townsfolk had been nice enough until they had noticed Daria's hat. After that, they became guarded, many looking into the sky constantly as if expecting to be bombed any minute. It was Mack who suggested that they move on. The morning had started mundane enough. Brittany complained for the first fifteen minutes of their journey about her need to wear something that wasn't icky animal covering her skin. Upchuck stayed within constant eyesight of Jane and Brittany's rears with a constant leer on his face, and Kevin kept smashing trees and rocks with his club until Mack send both of them to the front of the group to keep an eye out for trouble.
• NEWESTER! Finn Morgendorffer 55: Dreamer Without a Cause, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 3): “Didn’t your sister get waitlisted to Crestmoore?” Jeffy asked. “Bromwell,” Finn corrected. “But that’s another school I got accepted to. Heh, I guess that showed her who’s the greatest.” “What are you gonna do, Finn?” “Who knows,” Finn replied. “With all the stuff that’s been going on, I haven’t decided. Made a few choices though. Though maybe I’ll skip it and become the on-again, off-again lover of a European princess. And her sister.” The guys shared a laugh with that one.
  
• NEW! Jane Lane: Ace Attorney: Turnabout Teacher's Pet (Parts 5 and 6): “So,” said Jane, looking at the police tape surrounding a corner of the gym and a door, “this is the scene of the crime.” “Yes, apparently,” said Upchuck, a bit distracted. “I wonder what the hell was he doing here,” she said, trying to take a peek inside. “Yeah, me too...” “Hey, I’m not the gumshoe here, care to focus?” (Part 6)
• NEWEST! Judge Daria, by Brian Taylor (Part 1): "Can these loamy ladies predict the outcome of the presidential election? Political prognostication from the mud pit, as Sick Sad World returns!" He glanced at his watch. Thirty minutes. He leaned back in his swiveling chair, put his feet up on the desk, and proceeded to lose himself in the mud-wrestling routines playing out on the dirty screen. If all went according to plan, he'd be set until PFC Stanners came in at oh six-hundred to relieve him. Things were not, however, going according to plan. On the monitors, had Wolodarsky been watching them, was something unusual for that time of the night -- or any other. A spindly black tangle of limbs, topped by a head sleek as a beetle's shell, was soundlessly advancing down a bright hallway towards a group of guards clustered in front of a service elevator. (Daria/Judge Dredd)
  
• Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Part 2): Sometimes, he thinks he's taken a prank too far but then he mentally slaps himself because there's no such thing. "Did we measure it right?" He checks the length of the rope again and it's the perfect length with the right amount of give. "It's perfect." Morgendorffer laughs, suspended 10 feet in the air high above him. "I love it when a plan comes together." This wasn't happening. "No, just no. We're not the A-Team because that would make you Hannibal and me B.A. Baracus. I can't be B.A. Baracus, Morgendorffer. I'm not built for the care and consideration a Mohawk of that magnitude requires." "Yeah, plus you're not cool enough to be Mr. T."
• NEW! Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Interlude 2): There are days when she can't contain her satisfaction. Once a week she gets her mom to drive her into Dallas for "bonding time" and leaves with shoes and clothes that she wears once before shoving them in the back of her closet; repeat outfits were for the less fortunate. Her dad's wrapped around her finger (just like every other male in Highland) and she barely has to beg before he gives her money to go to the movies and get snacks. She always promises to bring him change from the $50 he gives her each time but she never does and he always forgets to ask. School was a breeze; she squeaks by with C's and high D's and when her mom gets on her case, she has some loser do an extra credit assignment for her just so she can parade an A in front of her parents and bask in the praise that she's smart and clever. But she's never forgotten how things used to be.
  
• Maria Smirks at Us, by Wraith (COMPLETE!): From a distance, there was nothing to make her stand out from the rest of the students. She was of average height, and her brown shoulder-length hair was typical enough to attract no special attention. Glasses, although not common, were certainly not unusual. But a closer look revealed that she was, unlike nearly every other girl on campus, clearly not Japanese. She stopped in front of the statue, and put her hands together. Although it was customary to pray in silence, she muttered under her breath. Her prayer, while short, was quite possibly the most fervent of all. "God, why did I agree to this?" (Daria/Maria-sama ga Miteru)
• The Melody Plays On, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): The phones on a matched set of oak desks rang; several lights flashed for a moment, then stopped and the intercom light remained steady. A young woman with shoulder length black hair pressed a button before lifting the handset to her ear. After a murmured hello, a slow smile curled scarlet lips and she replaced the receiver on its base. “I’ve just received a reliable tip from the front desk. It seems that a certain someone has a handsome visitor– whose name starts with an ‘M,’ ends with a ‘K’ and has an ‘A’ and a ‘C’ in between.” Jet eyebrows bounced and the woman seated at the other desk sighed, though a light blush stained her cheeks.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem): by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "Hmm. It's been fifteen minutes, and still no sign of Mr. O'Neill," Jane said as she tossed the wadded paper ball over to Daria. Daria caught the ball and held on to it, rolling it around in her hand a few times before tossing it back. "How much longer do you think we should wait before we give up and leave?" she asked. "Fifteen minutes ago, preferably, but—" The sound of a heavy engine rumbling up outside followed by a massive blast from an air horn caused Jane to jump in surprise and drop the paper ball. (Daria/Transformers)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem), by Ranger Thorne (COMPLETE!): Daria struggled to resist the urge to twiddle her thumbs as she waited for the class to start. Finally, a tall man with dark hair and dark-framed glasses came into the room. “Hi, everybody,” he said before turning to close the door. “I’m, you - oops!” He stopped when the sleeve of his dark blue suit, that was hung in the door, kept him from walking to the desk. Setting his briefcase down, he scowled at the door for a moment before having trouble opening it. “Ah,” he said as the door opened. Carefully, he closed the door, then turned and stumbled over the briefcase. When some of the class laughed, he smiled and shrugged. “I guess that is kind of funny,” he admitted. (Daria/Superman)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem): by Ranger Thorne (COMPLETE!): Daria struggled to resist the urge to twiddle her thumbs as she waited for the class to start. Finally, a tall man with dark hair and dark-framed glasses came into the room. “Hi, everybody,” he said before turning to close the door. “I’m you—oops!” He stopped when the sleeve of his dark blue suit, that was hung in the door, kept him from walking to the desk. “It can’t be,” Daria heard the girl behind her whisper. (Daria/Superman)
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem): by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): Daria didn't want to be here. Self-esteem class, what a load of rubbish. Still, there might be some amusement to be had here. After the class had settled in, the door opened, as if on its own. A man glided in, dressed in a long, brown hooded robe. He removed the hood, and showed himself to be a distinguished-looking older gentleman, with a thin white beard. Something about his presence made the class fall silent. "Good afternoon, younglings. My name is Mr. Kenobi. I will be your instructor in self-esteem for the next several weeks." (Daria/Star Wars)
• NEW! Unnamed story (The Writer (One Shot)), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): The two women had removed their costumes before leaving the house, and were in their car, speaking to their unknown benefactor by phone. "Well done, ladies! The balance of your fee will be sent when you email the photographs. Good bye!" The cellphone went silent. "So, just who is this guy?"
  
• The Writer, by Roxanne M (COMPLETE!): As he slept, a woman’s voice calling his name weaved its way into the nooks and crannies of his brain. He awoke and lay still in the darkness, remarking to himself how real and lifelike it was to hear her, the one object of his fan devotion, say his name. Then he heard it again: “Wake Up.” This time it was no dream. It was loud and in his face. He fumbled for the bedside lamp. As his eyes adjusted to the light, there she was, beside his bed. He would recognize the oversized glasses, green jacket, and Doc Marten boots anywhere. He blurted out, “You are not real!” then heard another voice: “Sure we are real.” He turned his head and to his surprise saw her partner in crime on the other side of the bed.
  

Mad Dogs and Aliens

Daria's brief flirtation with paranoia, "The Lawndale File," aired 11 years ago today. It poked fun at xenophobia, though I am sure Mr. DeMartino was less amused by it than others were. Some memorable quotes:

• "Curse you different ones and your insidious logic!"
• "If there were any aliens smart enough to come here, they wouldn't be stupid enough to come here."
• "Daria, is anything wrong with Quinn?" "If this weren't a school day, I might have the time to begin answering that."
• "Quinn, is anything wrong with Daria?" "If this weren't a school day, I might have time..."
• "All of a sudden, she doesn't like aliens." "Who does? Aliens impregnate you and then they pop out of your chest and kill you while you're trying to eat lunch. What's to like? Gotta go! Bye!" "What exactly are they teaching about immigration at that school?"
• "You're talking implants?" "I heard that, and it's not true!" "I guess she thought you meant her UFOs."
• "Hey, Quinn, Mr. O'Neill says that girl from your house is an atomic communist."

• "I knew it! It's just like when they made us have pep rallies for field hockey. We're being invaded by communists!"
• "Remember that game when you fell on your head? Remember how you thought Vince Lombardi was sending you plays from hell?" "Heaven, bro! Vince Lombardi did not go to hell."
• "But... if Quinn's cousin is an atomic communist from Mars, shouldn't she have a more interesting outfit?"
• "I won't be sorry to see this day end." "You say that every day." "Oh, yeah."
• And the best line of all: "There's something out there. Something stupid."

'Nuff said. In other developments...

This is Saint Sithney's Day, honoring the patron saint of Mad Dog Morgendorffer mad dogs. It is also the birthday anniversary of humanitarian Raoul Wallenberg and the 49th birthday of the current President of the United States.

NOo0Z!

• OverlordMikey has created Stop Here: Leading into 13, artwork for part 13 of "The Lane That Wasn't." Click and enjoy it.

PPMB

• Daria/Dorian 6: Christmas Chaos, by LadieT (Part 3): "How is Dorian doing?" "Well, he really had a hard time after the economics project. We got in a big argument over nothing. Later that day, he finally opened up about how he was feeling. I think he really needed that." "I'm glad he has you, Jane. I wish Gregory had as good a friend as you when this happened to him. Maybe he would have turned out differently."
• Finn Morgendorffer 55: Dreamer Without a Cause, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 2): “What’s the good word?” Tom asked. Between the lawsuit, the State Championship, and Finn’s own grades, which were not as good as Daria’s but commendable, Tom reasoned that Finn would get in. He knew how to dazzle and how to impress. “Bromwell? I got in.” Finn replied. “Good. I knew you could do it.” “Didn’t you say that to Daria too?” “Two different situations.”
• The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (Part 13): As Daria wheeled through the living room, she paused to catch a moving scene. Helen had her arms around Jane and was crying. Jane looked as though she was trying to console their mom. I want to capture this on paper. She went into her room and started sketching. A few minutes later, Jane came and walked over to Daria. "Hey, squirt. What are you working on?"
• Pulp Fiction: Africa, by Chris Tucker (Part 3): "I think my mouth wrote a check my ass can't cash." "That business with the girl? Her name is Zelde, by the way. Had a chat with her earlier. Wonderfully brave girl. Came all that way hoping we could help. Of course we will. May I see that outline you've been working on?" Why am I still surprised when he does something like that? I really should be used to it by now.
• Satisfied, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): Daria sat in her room enjoying the silence as she attempted to finish writing a story. However, her concentration was soon broken by blaring music. Daria got up and shut the door, but no avail: the music was too loud. She opened the door and headed over to her sister's room. Staring at the insanely chipper pink room, she felt an urge building that she normally suppressed.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria and Jane pregnant at the same time), by McKeon (COMPLETE!): "So, how did we get into this situation again?" "Well, somehow, Quinn managed to persuade us to go out on a triple date with her and the J's." "And that leads to this how?" "Well, I have strong suspicions that the punch was spiked." "And that lead to this how?" "Quinn may have given them the impression our outcast attitudes came from lack of a good lay."
  

Write Where It Perverts

"Write Where It Hurts" closed out the second season of Daria 12 years ago today, with various crossovers (The Graduate, at left) and curiosities (at right) in Daria's writing. Daria got to make her mother cry (in a good way) and all was right with the world. Daria was still triumphant.

The contents of this episode have been the subject of many a fanfic. That card game played in the fictional future was in some form featured here and here and here and here and (dang, cannot find that one other story, sorry).

N000Z!

• OverlordMikey drew fan art for "The Lane That Wasn't": The Lane That Wasn't—Symbolism. Excellent.
• Not to be outdone, Minx drew strip poker fan art and entered legend.

PPMB

• NEW! 50 Minutes a Week, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Daria, hello! Come in, have a seat. You're putting on some weight. Very good." "Yeah, another two pounds or so. The old metabolism is really working out on all that frozen lasagna." Her tone of voice and look of mild revulsion gave the lie to her faintly enthusiastic words. "There are times I miss my feeding tube." "Yes. Yes, I can imagine. So, given any more thought to what we talked about last week?"
• NEWER! At the Fics with Jane and Daria, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Hello, and welcome to another edition of 'At The Fics with Jane and Daria'. We're your hosts, Jane Lane and Daria Morgendorffer." "Why is it always 'Jane and Daria'? It was MY show, I was the star, it was named after me!" "It's because 'Jane and Daria' just sounds better than 'Daria and Jane'. It's the whole 'a after a' thing. DariA And Jane. It doesn't flow." "Says who?" "Shhhh. Here's 10 bucks. Drop it, OK?"
  
• The Ballad of Daria and Stacy, by Charles RB et al. (continued): Stacy had a plan. It was foolproof. It would work. She was just going to not go to the self esteem class and pretend to Sandi that she no longer had to. It would work. It would work. She was going to do it RIGHT NOW.
• Helen Wheels, by Smileyfax (Part 1): "It all boils down to trust," Daria summed up. "Exactly. It all boils down to trust. Show a little trust." "Mom... Dad... you're right." One heartbeat... two heartbeats... "Can I borrow either car?" "No," Jake uttered instantly, bent over his lasagna. Helen, however, paused for a moment. "Sure, Daria," she said, reaching into her pocket. "Here you go!" She placed the keys to her SUV next to Daria's plate. "Eep!" The sound escaped from Daria's larynx unbidden. "Uh... I mean... thanks, Mom, but I meant... uh... after dinner." (FF.net)
• Jane Lane: Ace Attorney, by LSauchelli (Part 4): They watched as Daria and Gumshoe entered the school through the front door. What was the prosecutor doing there anyway? Didn’t she have the case entirely solved in the first trial? Jane didn’t want to meet her during the investigation, it felt like a very bad idea. She turned her attention back to Upchuck, who was now approaching Daria’s car with a predatory look on his face. “Hey, wait!” Jane shouted. “Don’t touch it!”
• Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Interlude 1): While she hadn't believed in Helen and Jake's decision to send Daria to Virginia, Evelyn Barksdale would have been a fool to pass up the golden opportunity that was her granddaughter's proximity to where she lived. And while she was many things, Evelyn Barksdale was not a fool. Within a month of Daria's arrival to Buxton Ridge, she'd driven down to let her know that she was welcome in her home at anytime. The loneliness and desolation on the poor girl's face had done much to convince her she had made the right decision. That was the day she had decided that her family's wealth and the expectations that came with it would fall on Daria's shoulders.
• Pulp Fiction: Africa, by Chris Tucker (continued): She had walked for two days to get here. Two days and two nights. No water for most of today. Two days and two nights alone in semi desert. Walking towards some small chance of hope for her beloved older sister...
• Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): It was a trick, it had to be. Unpopular kids like that weird art chick were always trying to get attention somehow. And Stacy had probably joined her just because she was miffed about being subtly pushed out of the Fashion Club. Mr. DeMartino was a little harder to figure out, but teachers were always going on about helping people and broadening horizons and not putting others down and other such nonsense, so his involvement could have been part of some kind of outreach program for unpopular students. They just wanted to make the popular kids look like gullible idiots or something, Sandi was sure of it. Quinn and the others might have been fooled, but Sandi wasn't. She was inside her room, safe, where nothing and no one could get at her, not even her traitorous former friends.
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria and Military School), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "So this is hell," she thought to herself. Buxton Ridge Military Academy had welcomed a legacy into its incoming corps of cadets. That day had been hectic, irritating and stupid. GO here, get this, take it back and get it stamped, you stupid good for nothing PLEBE! The only good thing is that she was out of Highland. Sixteen years in that pest hole had been enough. Finally, her room assignment came through. She grabbed her things from holding and trudged across the campus to the woman's dorm. "Let me PLEASE get a decent bunk mate, someone smart, someone clever, someone with a brain! (Daria/The Phil Silvers Show)
• NEW! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by Breitasparrow (Part 2): The doorbell rang three times before Trent finally stumbled to open the door. "Hey," he said. "Are you alright?" Tom asked. "You seem kinda, I dunno, drunk." "The band had another fight. We're not really getting anywhere. I think we might be on the verge of breaking up... Uh, come on in."
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by LadieT (COMPLETE!): Mack sees Jane talking to Daria in the hallway. As they are about to turn into Mr. DeMartino's class, Mack approaches them. "Hey, Jane. I have something to tell you." Jane looks at him. She could tell something was weighing heavy on his mind. "What's wrong, Mack?"
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): Jane Lane, clad in black PVC tank top, leggings and handheld BFG appeared behind the unsuspecting Dalek. "Esteem THIS!" "Whoa!" exclaimed Kevin as the smoldering wreck of the Dalek collapsed to the floor. As he rose from his seat, he stepped on the hem of his ankle-length black trench coat and slammed headfirst into the wall, falling unconscious to the floor, in much the same manner as the late Dalek. All that Daria could do was perform the classic Picardian Facepalm maneuver.
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "The school psychologist tells me that all of you have self-esteem problems," the man in the multi-colored coat said. "Well tish-tosh! Low self-esteem merely means you haven't yet figured out just how incredibly brilliant you are and how gobsmacking idiotic everyone else in the universe is!" "Y'know, I kinda liked the celery guy we had last week better," Jane groused.
• Unnamed story (Judith Strikes! Closing Ceremony), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): The home, for a home it was, despite being hewn out of the living rock, was a warm and comfortable place. A cheery fire burned in the grate, giving both light and heat to the small, cluttered living room. Jack sat in his armchair with his feet propped up and his heavy iron boots resting nearby, engaged in working a Rubik's Cube. His daughter sat on on the floor nearby, singing quietly as she knitted the song into a new hat for herself. The girl's singing faltered, and her needles slowed to a stop as she glanced around apprehensively. "What... what was that, father?" The redcap grimaced and slowly rose to his feet. "Bad, that's what it is. Go get my sword." (Daria/Batman)
  
• Unnamed story (More Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): Daria stood in her stiff, pseudo-military uniform, hands clasped behind her back, and watched through the huge observation port of the Highliner as the comparatively tiny transport vessels containing everything and everyone she had ever known were carefully shepherded aboard. She frowned to herself as she contemplated the political, and possibly military, repercussions of her family's move. But, her father had his orders from the Emperor and one didn't argue with His Imperial Majesty... at least, not for long. (Daria/Dune)
  
• The Vision of the Burning Cities, by jtranser (continued): Once again, Daria found herself waiting at the unlit transit stop for the Estragon Avenue bus. A slowly spreading dark grey murk suffused the area, erasing all the details save the engine noises of passing cars with weak fog lights and frightened drivers. Otherwise, all was silent. Her fatigue induced reverie was shattered by the distant sound of a familiar arrogant voice projected from a very great distance, amplified by the peculiar acoustic properties of an intervening brick fence...
• The Worst Thing, by Yogi (COMPLETE!): “Well, I suppose things could be worse.” When Angier Sloan said those words seven long months ago, only the three pairs of female eyes glaring at him with enough force to crack cement stopped Tom from scoffing. Tautological Meaningless Dross, he had called it in his head. Technically things could always be worse, that goes without saying. We could all be infected with a flesh-eating virus that attacks the genitals first. The government didn't decide to test a new secret weapon on Lawndale so, hey, that's a plus, too. Why, we should count ourselves lucky we’re not stranded in outer space! Or smashed to pieces in an car accident!
  

La La La La La, My Darling

"Dye! Dye! My Darling" appeared on the air for the first time 10 years ago today. By far the most controversial episode ever aired in the Daria series (even more so than "Daria!" or "Depth Takes a Holiday"), DDMD has never lost its ability to drive the fandom nuts.

A year ago this day I uploaded a bunch of links through the WayBack Machine to old MTV website pages of Daria goodness. There's the link to them. Go and have fun.

Happy August Long Weekend to everyone in Canada. Enjoy the day!

PPMB

• Grove Hell 2: All the Lawndale People, by Charles RB (Part 5): Daria and Jane walked up to the Morgendorffer house, deep in philosophical discussion. “No, you’ve not thought this through. Alien bleeds acid blood, Species is just a woman who can’t remember how to put clothes on. She’d never survive. Alien all the way.” “Ah, but if she borrows Predator’s blasters, she’s got long-range!” “Touche. It’s not like he’ll want them after the Krites have eaten them.” Daria opened the door, took a brief listen, and winced. “You better take a hike. My mom’s talking to my Aunt Rita. This isn’t gonna be pretty.” (FF.net)
  
• Inner Universe, by Malakite (Part 6): "I've said it before, I'll say it again: you have the coolest room." This comment rose above the somewhat muted sound of twangy guitar and piano accompaniment coming from Jane's television. As she painted (the palette for today was heavy on greys with a touch of green) and intermittently sketched she decided, "It's got pros and cons. You can't hurt yourself in here, but you can't hurt anybody else in here, either." Jane smiled at this as she rapped her hand lightly against the nearest wall. "I wish there'd been a schizophrenic shut-in living in our house before we moved in. Of course, we've got Trent there now. That's almost the same thing."
  
• The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (Part 12): Jane continued to look at the screen in front of her. The old man studied her expressions. He noticed how a look of pain came over Jane when she watched the scene the where she had told Daria about moving. He saw jealousy flash in her eyes when she saw the drawing Daria did of Melody Powers. She tried to stay expressionless but couldn't. She turned to him. His eyes had changed colors again. This time they were matching Daria's dark brown eyes. She looked down at the road that stretched ahead of her. She looked at him with a curious face. "I have a question," Jane stated. "Ask away." The old man shifted his gaze to the sky.
• Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (Part 20): Daria left Professor Federova's office feeling a bit shell-shocked. It was clear that she had made a lot of mistakes in writing her first paper, to impress her teacher with her thoroughness. It was pretty easy to snow someone like DeMartino or O'Neill, simply because they were not used to any sort of academic rigor from their students. DeMartino would have been happy if someone merely knew that Robert E. Lee's wife was not Sara Lee.
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "Students with low self-esteem will be exterminated!" (Daria/Doctor Who)

The Buns of August

It's August first, and today marks the 29th birthday of MTV, which gave us Daria (and, more importantly, Jane Lane). We also got A Flock of Seagulls, but Daria made up for it. And with Daria we got memes like "You taste of bun" and 666 versions of "I kissed your boyfriend." Pure win.

I have been horribly remiss in not discussing all the exciting things going on over at DariaWiki, the online encyclopedia of all things Daria. Special thanks go out to the following contributors for the month of July: Ingsoc, Brother Grimace, HolyGrail2007, Doggieboy, RLobinske, OverlordMikey, JPAGC, Charles RB, Pittsburghmuggle, Brian Taylor, Dark Kuno, Doc Forbin, Shallow15, Kchishol1970, InnerCircle, JonathanDP81, EvChemical, and Quiverwing. You people make it rock!

The new material at DariaWiki includes stuff about: "The Big Wedding," Robert, Finn Morgendorffer, Evan Landon, Corey, "Through a Webcam Darkly," Martha Peters, "Speedtrapped," Russell Stark, Science Fiction, Wind Lane, OverlordMikey, Crossover, Lawndale, Ramona, "Too Many Choices," Pam Garrett, Hammer Blow, Charles RB, Judith Strikes, Off-Canon Canon, Trueblood Cafeteria, Nicky, Spatula Man, Angie, Defender Ring, Max Tyler, Dr. Millepieds, "The Daria Hunter," Good Time Chinese Restaurant, Daria Multiverse, Steve Taylor, Architects, "Through a Closet, Darkly,"Kevin Thompson, The Chronicler, John Berry, "Daria!" Bibby Birks, Drugs 'N' Stuff, "Grove Hell on Earth," Beavis and Butt-head, Falling into College, The Fashion Club, Daria! Song Lyrics, "It's a Living," Quiverwing, The Coffee Snob, and "Backyard Foray." Doubtless some of these are not familiar to you if you haven't been in the fandom long, but don't worry: it will catch up with you.

Moar l8r when I think of something to add. Oh, one interesting historical note: 99 years ago today, Harriet Quimby became the first American woman to earn her pilot's license. She wore a purple aviator's outfit and was very famous for a time. Purple, hmmm.

N0oOZ!

• The Judith Strikes! shared setting is now closed, per Erin M. A few unfinished stories will be finished soon.
• You are invited to attend the Shared World Workshop, begun by Staticblast, on PPMB.

PPMB

• Daria/Dorian 6: Christmas Chaos, by LadieT (Part 2): Everyone was sitting around the table as Lillian talked to Amy about the recipe. Helen and Quinn took several mugs down. Amy ladled the drink and added a cinnamon straw to each. As everyone was enjoying their drinks, Amy stood up and gently tapped the side of her mug. They turned towards her. "With everything that has been going on, I realized just how much I've missed being around my family. I wanted to let you know. I came back to Lawndale two weeks ago and looked at houses. I found one I really liked. I have to sign the paperwork for it on Wednesday."
• The Ending of Judith Strikes? Green Book? by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): Michael and Jake walked out to confront Judith, who held Daria captive. "Kiddo, it'll be all right!" Jake cried. "Listen, Judith, you can have the book, just let Daria go!" Suddenly Brittany ran outside. "No, Mr. McNinch, don't!" "Brittany, I am a father and as such understand what it would mean to lose a child. Has not Jake suffered enough?" Brittany remained silent for a moment before yelling, "Use the power of love to defeat her!"
• NEWEST! Finn Morgendorffer 55: Dreamer Without a Cause, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 1): “I hope that’s the worst problem Finn has in his whole life.” Helen remarked at the empty chair. “What a problem to have: Bromwell or Crestmore? Both are good.” “And no military school, yeah! Not a single year or latrine duty or anything. Finn really nailed it!” "Jake..."
  
• NEWEST! Jane Lane: Ace Attorney—Turnabout Teacher's Pet, by LSauchelli (Part 3): Well, this is certainly not the way I thought I would be dealing with cases once I passed the bar exam, Jane thought as she eyed the red-headed PI. She wasn’t annoyed because she didn’t trust the man—she certainly didn’t—it was because she actually knew she needed his help if she was to save not only Barch, but her career as well. And her mission of getting Daria to answer some questions, of course.
  
• Judith Strikes! And It Would Come to Pass, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): Judith sat alone waiting. Of course it would take an army to stop the girl, so she was unafraid of a few monsters living in some fantasy world. "So you're Judith..." came the voice of a woman. Out walked a finely dressed young woman with long black hair, wearing a long red dress and red gloves that covered her arms. She had a devilish smirk and her eyes shined with a twisted intellect. She slowly walked into the room followed by another woman. "You're the girl of the hour, so to speak. Be less gloomy. It reflects badly on me and my people if I hire someone so..."
• NEW! Judith Strikes! Closing Ceremony, by Erin M. (COMPLETE!): Helen Morgendorffer wept loudly into a handkerchief, as Amanda Lane, the Morgendorffer's housekeeper, tried to comfort her. "It'll be all right, Helen," Amanda was saying. "Vincent, Wind, and Summer are out with the search party and I have Penny looking after Jane and Trent. I'll be here for as long as you need me, and Vincent swears he'll call as soon as he hears anything." "It's all my fault," Helen sobbed. "I should have taken more maternity leave to look after her, instead of rushing back to the office as soon as I could. I'm a horrible mother." "No," Amanda said, rubbing Helen's back. "No, you aren't. It's not your fault Daria was kidnapped. Put the blame where it belongs, on the sick and evil bastard who took her away from you."
  
• Judith Strikes! The Last Stand of Odell Jones, by Brother Grimace (Part 1): Well, you heard about that little bitch Judith—the evil version of Daria Morgendorffer? (I’m sure that you’ve heard of her.) We lost three ships and eighteen hundred people as a diversion for her to steal one of our slipstream vessels. My name is Odell Jones. I’m a Warhammer—a Ringbearer trained for military operations. The word has come down from Command, on Nova Valdris. My team has its orders. We’re gearing up—and we’re going to get that vessel back.
  
• Judith Strikes!/Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini: The Legion Encounters, Part I: Pizza Night with the Girls, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): Daria Morgendorffer sipped at her glass of ice water, and watched a very familiar female form appear in her Legion Tower apartment where the blue flash of light appeared a bare moment before. “Hello,” she said, causing the young woman in the catsuit and red cloak to stop in surprise. “Looking for something?”
• Judith Strikes!/Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini: The Legion Encounters, Part II: An Unexpected Stop, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): The young woman known as Judith fell away from the door, the wicked-looking blade in her right hand falling free as she gagged upon the thick cloud of metallic-gray gas that enveloped her head. Before she could react, the room was filled with light and sound.
• Judith Strikes!/Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini: The Legion Encounters, Part III: Equal Payment, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): Charles was about to head over to Brittany Taylor’s house to work on their project for Science class—of course, he had something better in mind than that. No. Not that. Brittany was quite the fair and fetching flower of feminine perfection, but she, sadly enough, lacked even the most basic capacity for worthwhile conversation...
• Judith Strikes!/Legion of Lawndale Heroes Mini: The Legion Encounters, Part IV: Not So Different, by Brother Grimace (Part 1): “You’re not supposed to hit girls.” David Allen Farrington said, the tone in his voice kind but firm. That wasn’t enough for the eleven-year-old that sat next to him. “Why not, if they hit you first?” David Allen sighed, and took a moment to look around the area from his spot on the stage of the Kuznov Auditorium—because of circumstances (namely, having lost a bet), the place where he and a fellow Cadet First Class were having their weekly ‘campfire’.
  
• Judith Strikes! Miss Helen Sue, by GlitterShrooms (intro): The Glen Oaks Lane of this world didn’t seem unusual from all the other ones Judith visited. Of course, most versions were lit by the lights of the street lamps and suburban houses instead of the starlight of an undisturbed night sky. Still, it wasn’t the possibility of a dead Lawndale that worried Judith. She had visited hundreds of those by now. What worried Judith though was the fact that an extremely powerful gem, one that could ruin everything she worked for, was here in a Lawndale that the rest of the civilized world was apparently ignoring for some unknown reason.
• NEW! Judith Strikes/Tales of the Ringbearers: Calling the Children Home, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): The sound rang out through the Citadel of the Ringmasters—loud, droning, and ominous. It rang out from the Citadel and could be heard across the land. It rang out across the world, and all on the Earth that some knew as D-476 could hear its sound.
• NEW! The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (Part 11): Jane was back in her bed when Mr. DeMartino and Ms. Defoe walked in. Jane felt a tinge of sadness as she watched her favorite teacher head towards her "favorite student." Mr. DeMartino sat beside Jane. His face didn't show his usual anger or frustration. He looked over at Jane with genuine concern on his face. "How are you doing, Ms. Morgendorffer?"
  
• NEWEST! Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Prologue and Part 1): He stares at her in amazement, the man named Dr. Geoffrey Hopkins, thinking this isn't the first time he's had to look at her like that. "What on earth happened to you?" She's grinning maniacally, making the sight of her in her paint-covered fatigues even more off-putting. "Some of the boys in Company B tried to put my back against the wall. I was waiting for them with Company D. About time that little rivalry started working for me rather than against me." (Part 1) (Daria/The Killers)
• NEWEST! The Long Con, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): The end of year at Buxton had a rite of passage - the playing of the last call, next to the memorial for the alumni who'd been lost in action. Cadet Morgendorffer, clad in immaculate dress uniform, had noted there was a lot of names. This was it. The end. Ninth grade had been and gone, and it was time to see how it had worked.
  
• Mac Daddy's Discipline, by rglovejoy (COMPLETE!): The ropes holding Kevin to the stainless steel table were a little too tight. The pain was both overwhelming and delicious. Except for the leather harness around his chest, he was completely naked. The soft sounds of mellow jazz music flowed out of the adjacent bathroom. The dungeon was dim, except for the lit candles set in a small tray at Kevin's feet. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs. To his relief, it was Mac. Everything was going to be alright, so long as Mac Daddy was here.
• NEW! The Many Ways A Mother Could Go..., by OverlordMikey (Part 1): Helen Barksdale sat alone in her large office. She sighed as she flicked her hair back out of her face. It's not like I was trying to work my way to the top or anything, she thought as she sat in a large comfy chair. I just liked working. Still, maybe I overdid this. What would have happened if I had became a lawyer... She let out a laugh as she imagined someone cracking a lawyer joke. Being on the top—a CEO. She'd worked hard and here she was! No regrets! She noticed an envelope placed in the pile of all her paperwork. (FF.net)
  
• Pulp Fiction, by Chris Tucker (continued): There were odd little snippets of the events during her 18 months in training that stuck in Daria's memory, even years later... "Ms. Morgendorffer, for the next six weeks you will be learning the art and science of escape and evasion. There are 5 rules that make up the basics. Rule 1. Don't get captured. Rule 2. DON'T GET CAPTURED!"
• NEWER! Pulp Fiction: Africa, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): She never did figure out when the old Daria ceased to be. At some point, the bitter cynicism, the cutting sarcasm, the misanthropy just went away. She did know that she could pinpoint where it began. Day, date, time, place, and words. "He doesn't know what it means." But, at some point during her time in Boston, it all changed. So gradually, she didn't really notice.
  
• NEWEST! The Question, by LadieT (Parts 5 and 6 and 7 and 8: COMPLETE!): "Barch! What the hell is SHE doing here?" Daria almost wrecked as she slammed on the brakes. "I'm serious. She just pulled into the front parking lot. Daria, where are you at?" Jane motioned to Jodie to go back inside. Jodie shot through the courthouse door. "Right now, we are in the left side parking lot. Are you sure it's Barch?" "Yeah..the car had a 'Take Back Night Lawndale High School Women's Self Defense Club' bumper sticker on the back of it." "Damn it!" (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8)
  
• NEW! A Road Trip Game, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "Hey Jess," Trent said as they drove down the road in the Tank. The other guys where fast asleep. Only he and Jesse remained awake. "I came up with new lyrics." "Yeah?" Jess said vacantly.
• NEWER! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): Jeffy, as always, looked nervous. Tom shook his head and pushed the boy playfully on the shoulder. "Come on, man, we're just go-karting. Two cute guys messing around with cars, who's going to suspect?"
  
• NEWER! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): It started simply enough. He'd always known he was different. He thought that he was the only one in the world that felt like this, The only one who had these urges and needs. He never acted on them, because, well, he WAS the only one in the world.
• NEWER! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by Derek (COMPLETE!): Helen walked through the front door and stopped in shock...
  
• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria and Military School), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): Once the rank and file were settled into their chairs, Lieutenant Colonel Anthony DeMartino snapped the heels of his shoes smartly to call attention to the front. All noise ceased immediately as every eye turned forward. Pleased with the speed of compliance with his nonverbal order, DeMartino smiled slightly and began to speak in calm, even tones. "Class, we have a new cadet joining us today," he said. "Please welcome Fourth Class Cadet Morgendorffer. ON YOUR FEET, SOLDIER!"
• NEW! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by Breitasparrow (Part 1): I can't believe I made her cry, Tom thought. It had been a few hours since he confronted Jane about her strange behavior. He didn't think things would get weird between them after that one day, but he also didn't expect her to react the way she did. I just hope she'll accept my apology. After a few rings, he started to think no one would answer. Just as he was about to hang up, he heard a familiar voice. "Hello?" "Oh, hey, Trent. Is Jane there? It's kinda important."
  
• NEW! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Real Esteem), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "Like, esteem!" "Like, a teen!" "They totally don't rhyme, do they?" the blonde guy said, shaking his head with melodramatic sadness. "It's like, they almost do, but then they don't, right? And that's not really cool." "Right!" his partner agreed, a goofy grin plastered across his face. "But we're here to totally fix that! We're gonna make all you little dudes and dudettes totally rhyme!" (Daria/Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure)
  
• NEW! Unnamed story (Judith Strikes! Closing Ceremony), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): On the monitor of his scanner, Hypersphere Supervisor Richard watched a reality thread flare to a bright, angry red. A voice behind him said, "And so it begins."
• NEWER! Unnamed story (Judith Strikes! Closing Ceremony), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "You were on your LAST WARNING for scrawling, student!" "I didn't do it this time, I SWEAR—"
• NEWEST! Unnamed story (More Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): Jane took a bite of the meal she had scraped together from the last of the food left in the kitchen. Namely, a Ding Ding, the only slice of baloney that wasn't too green, and a large quantity of mustard. As she chewed, she processed Daria's last comment. (Daria/UHF)
• MOST NEWEST OF ALL! Unnamed story (More Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over), by Roxanne M (COMPLETE!): Helen was in the kitchen warming up a tray of frozen lasagna for dinner when the doorbell rang. She walked over and answered the door, to be greeted by a man and woman dressed in light blue blazers, white shirts, and black neckties. The man spoke: "Are you Helen Morgendorffer?" Helen replied, "Yes I am, and who might you be?" The woman replied this time: "I am Kate Monday, and this is my partner, George Frankley." In unison they flashed police badges and said, "Mathnet." (Daria/Square One)