Do Turtles Get Divorced?

Ms. Barch has either decided to give a very unusual zoology demonstration or else perhaps she's celebrating World Turtle Day. Either way, it should be a day no one in her class forgets! Upchuck will be relieved; now he can outrun her if necessary.

I hope the Yeagers wish Ethan a happy National Ethan Day, and perhaps let him go rock climbing to celebrate. When he's ready, of course.

Two days ago was the anniversary of "One J at a Time," in which Quinn gives monogamy a spin but ultimately decides not to bother. Considering her potential steady boyfriends left her without a second thought in favor of squirrels and go-karting, I'm not sure I blame her.

The deadline to vote in the 2025 Daria Fanworks Awards has been extended to Monday, May 25. Please vote if you haven't yet!

Fanfic Update!

• Daria: The Risa 1000, by echopapa (parts 1 - 9): "'Let me get this straight,' Daria said, her voice flat enough to serve as a level for a warp core. 'Our plan for "relaxation" involves borrowing a legendary grav-bike from a Fleet Admiral, "borrowing" a Starfleet Runabout from a supervisor who is legally required to stop us, and then flying both into a curated typhoon on a planet known for its "Jamaharon" hospitality. Did I miss anything, or is the insanity quota for the morning finally filled?'" (Part 2) (Part 3) (Parts 4 and 5) (Part 6) (Parts 7 and 8) (Part 9)


• Every Rowe Has It's Thorn, by wilddogjj (COMPLETE!): "Adam Rowe was on a dinner date with Lauren Alvarez, a VERY attractive woman in her thirties. The dinner date was going very well as the two made conversation." (Part 3)


• Spider Quinn 21 A View of Oakwood and Ruins, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 7): "The Enigma lowered the forcefield she had used to protect herself and Dafoanairi. 'Of course he’d trap it like that!' she groused." (Part 8)

I Especially Like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Variety!

Ms. Barch seems to have expanded her hatred of males beyond human limits for World Turtle Day, so everybody needs to take shelter inside their shells as soon as possible. The good news is that Upchuck, Mack, and any other usual targets of her rage will have an easy time outrunning her now. The bad news is that Ms. Barch is going to live a lot longer.

In particular, I hope Ethan Yaeger will stay out of her way because it's National Ethan Day and he shouldn't have to deal with that kind of drama on his day. Quinn might consider taking him out for another slush cup, but she'll most likely have to pay again. It should be a good opportunity to dig up some more dirt on her parents, though!

Fandom News!

• Adult Swim is going to launch a Toonami Rewind block on May 31.

A Great Day for Any Turtles Named Ethan!

The good news is that Ms. Barch has somehow turned herself into a turtle in order to better celebrate World Turtle Day. The even better news is that she has also stranded herself on a desert island and will no longer be bothered by (or bother) any of those despicable males. Win-win!

I hope the Yeagers know that today is also National Ethan Day, so they should celebrate their son by...I don't know, building him an all-natural hammock or something. Freaking hippies.

Fanfic Update!

• Complicated Girls, by Adelina (part 1): "It was mid-January when Shiho moved to Lawndale. Sure, she already knew what it was like to live in America, but now she wasn't controlled by the Organization anymore. No more apparent fear of the Big Boss, and now it was time to make the most of the semester."


• Take Me Out at the Ball Game, by wilddogjj (part 2): "Quinn and Nicole were chatting over lunch. The topic of conversation was the new community baseball team since Quinn's husband is the short stop and Nicole's husband is the coach. Quinn was talking about what happened during the team's first practice."

At Least Her Ex Won't Leave Her Quickly

Ms. Barch doesn't seem to like male turtles any more than she likes human ones, at least judging by her expression for World Turtle Day. Wait--cold-blooded, tough exterior, and part of a non-monogamous relationship? Maybe Barch has more in common with turtles than I thought.

Fandom News!

• Watch and discuss the video of Daria on MTV New Year's Eve 2002.


• Talk about an article regarding the rise and fall of Saturday morning cartoons.

Turtle Power!

Having exhausted her rage against human males, Ms. Barch has apparently decided to try out misandry against a different species just in time for World Turtle Day. I suppose one point turtles have in their favor is that if they walk out on their wives, it takes an awful lot longer to leave.

Fandom News!

• Do you think A.I. assistants are cool or creepy?


• Two-Eyed Charlie posted a new social experiment to discuss.


• What names would Daria name her children?


• Discuss the return of Thundercats.


• Vote in the Deadliest Warrior poll between Samurai Jack and Afro Samurai.

And You Thought Tiffany Was the Slowest One!

Barch is dressed appropriately for World Turtle Day, and this actually kind of explains how Barch's husband got away so easily: it's not like she would have been able to catch him after he left. Then again, maybe this alter ego is simply the result of a strange science experiment gone very wrong. You can be sure that she'll blame Mack for it, though.

Fanfic Update!

• Cynic and a Six-String, by fringeperson (part 14): "'The Yaegers are coming for the weekend,' Helen informed Daria when questioned on what she was doing getting out one of the many kitchen appliances that, despite it never getting used, they'd kept when they moved from Highland."


• Dystopia, by mailorderannie (part 8): "Daria turned. 'Jane! Damnit, I told you to stay there and be safe!' 'And I told you that if you weren't right behind me, I'd be back to get you!'"


• Morning Routines, by JPAGC (part 1): "The alarm bell was irritating. For the melody (if one could call it that), for the hour, for the necessity but, above all, for the fact it was taking her of the warmth of sleep and dreams."


• The Wedding of Daria, Princess of Zippotron, by EntrancedCat (COMPLETE!): "Queen Quinn, of the House of Morgendorffer, sub-house of Barksdale, of the Great Zippotronian Empire, gave her royal command to her loyal subject, loyal in public at least and only up to a point."


• What If The Storm Killed Them?, by The Madi Hatter (part 1): "Daria laid out on the plush love-seat in her Seattle apartment typing. She was 26 years old writing her third novel."

She's More Thick-Skinned Than I Thought!

Ms. Barch isn't very happy about World Turtle Day, although there's very little in life that she is happy about, so nothing new there. Still, this might explain why it took her husband more than twenty years to leave--it's not like turtles are known for their speed, after all.

Fandom News!

• Give your thoughts on the recently-announced Crow reboot.


• The Muppets are back! Fans can rejoice or share their opinions in the thread.


• ST91 is looking for advice on a story.


• Share your suggestions or experiences regarding cosplay and photography.

Her Ex-Husband Left Her...Very, Very Slowly

Happy World Turtle Day! This is a holiday intended to increase awareness about helping turtles and tortoises survive. As a science teacher, Ms. Barch is probably in favor of this. As a horribly bitter jilted woman, she's probably only in favor of saving the female ones. Which...doesn't make much sense, scientifically speaking. Oh, well. Carry on, turtle fans!

Fandom News!

• A teen girl in Egypt invented a quantum interstellar drive. What does it mean for the planet? Discuss!


• DC comics fans can talk about the soon-to-be-revealed new gay/lesbian superhero as well as the Superman/Batman/Wonder Woman love triangle.


• rainbows0316 is looking for Daria/Jane fics.


• Fhujeth_x started a new Round Robin about Tiffany and her parents.


• Two new Iron Chefs have been posted in the Creative Writing forum: Shiva's Ms. Barch Becomes a Better Person and Reven384's Janet Barch Morgendorffer.

Saturday. Not thinking yet.

Whoa, not ready to type anything yet. Gimme time. It's late. Jeepers.

Go to Comments and discuss something. Be back inna minute.

Oh, right, right. Today is World Turtle Day. Again. Man, that's just... lame. I had a pet turtle with a little island thing like Barch is on. Plastic pool. Turtle died. Down the toilet. Wake me up later.

LATER: Dang, seem to have missed a lot of stories lately. Sorry!

FF.net

• Daria's New Look, by Stevenie Ellis (COMPLETE!): The story has concluded; I think I missed that earlier.
• Just Friends, by Pinkminx (Part 7): It was a typical Thursday night, Daria had locked herself in Jane's spare room and was working on her Literature midterm assignment; a short story depicting societies influence over an original character. Melody Power had been chosen with out any thought and Daria had been vivaciously writing her second adventure. The assignment was due in for marking on Monday.
  
• Loose Fit, by Smileyfax (Part 1?): "And as we share the joy of this lovely young couple, Brian and Erin, we are compelled to ask, what is love?" Daria listened to the priest as he spoke leading up to the exchange of vows and rings between Brian and Erin. The whole process bored her nearly to tears, actually. She reached up and began idly picking at earwax with her pinky.

• Mr. T Meets Daria, by Smileyfax (Part 1): One day, Daria and Jane were walking to school when who should walk up to them but Mr. T! "I'm Mr. T, fools!" he shouted. "Oh my God, it's Mr. T!" Daria and Jane shouted.
• Sinspiration, by Vlora (Part 1): A tinny sound of a television out of tune drifted throughout the house, abandoned and ignored. The Lane house was, once again, void of most human life. The usual tenants were secluded to Trent’s room, playing with paints and twanging a guitar. Very rarely would the two create in the same room, being that they were very ineffective working partners. This was probably owed to accidentally and frequently pointing out the other’s issues or flaws. However, they gave it the good ol’ Lawndale one-two and tried anyway.
• Wristcutters: A Daria Story, by Charliefox2012 (Parts 9 and 10): “Tell me, please, when you were still living, did you ever try to go looking for God?”

PPMB

• Cold Comfort, by Doggieboy (Parts 4 and 5): “Hey, amiga!” Jane said and smiled when Daria hugged her tightly. The taller woman felt her best friend’s back and shoulders and added, “Wow! Those are some muscles you have there.” Daria blushed and looked away briefly. “I’ve worked out.” [Lots of action in Part 5!] (SFMB)
  
• Daylight: The Hope Mission, by Brother Grimace (teaser): Two girls and a cup. No, seriously, read it.
• Regifted, by Ajar (Parts 1 and 2): “I never pegged you for a masochist,” commented Daria in typical half-joking fashion. “Believe it or not,” Jodie replied while fiddling with the zipper on her suitcase. “Your parents are the lesser of two evils. If I were riding with my parents they'd've had me joining the sphenisciology club by the time I got there. I can just imagine what kind of weirdos that club has.” [And here we have: Science is everywhere, science is important, please stay in science, the program is shrinking, maybe if I emphasize the importance of science people won't leave. Please don't leave.]
• Size Does Matter, by BlackHole (Part 40): As usual, Coach Gibson used the Monday morning home room period to prepare for the day’s classes: he reviewed the class schedule. Disappointingly, Monday featured only a single senior class. All wimps otherwise. Well, maybe I can make some men out of the bunch. (SFMB)
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): With thick welder's gloves, Daria picked up the still smoldering bioferrous chunks and globs that had once been Toki, put them in a bucket and went down to her private work room on a lower level of the palace. Jane followed at a safe distance.
• Unnamed story (Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over) (Daria/2001: A Space Odyssey), by Undefinedlust (comedy, crossover): "Open the pod bay doors, D.A.R.I.A." "I'm sorry Tom, but I'm afraid I can't do that."
• Unnamed story (Crossovers Not Yet Crossed Over) (Daria/Beavis and Butt-head/2001: A Space Odyssey), by Doggieboy (comedy, crossover): "Open the pod bay doors, D.A.R.I.A." "I'm sorry, Beavis, I'm afraid I can't do that."
• Unnamed story (Second coming of the New Ideas Thread) (Daria/Scooby-doo), by NightGoblyn (comedy, crossover): "Jinkies, goddamnit."
• Unnamed story (Scenes that Should Be: Brains for Rent), by Greystar (Part 1): The police department sedan pulled up to the large suburban home and came to a stop with a screech of the tires and immediately disgorged two men wearing the ubiquitous dark blue suits that the world had come to identify with police investigators. As the two civil servants showed their I.D.s to the uniformed officer that was controlling access to the house, the detective leading the pair was brought to a halt by a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve got to be kidding, pal,” the officer said with a scowl. “That’s just not a fake, it’s a dumb fake.”

MONKEY DAY! HOORAY!

Okay, this is a new one on me. Today is Monkey Day. Well, sure, why not. We had World Turtle Day, may as well have Monkey Day, too. Whatever.

Actually I am very fond of gorillas, particularly the lowland variety with that coppery-red top. I don't mean I'm "fond" of them as in "fondle," or any other penguin-related matter, just fond. I like 'em. Being a silverback would be cool. Walk around, beat my chest now and then, eat bananas, frown at tourists, sit around on my butt all day. It's a guy kinda life.

On this day, too, 36 years ago, humans last walked on the Moon. Thirty-six years. Wow.

And Mike Quinn's Ladder Theory is ten years old today.

Anyway, there's Monkey Day for you, so party like apes. Which are not monkeys, yes, I know, but apparently the holiday isn't particular about that.

By popular demand (finally!), the entire Legion of Lawndale Heroes saga might be collected into one place and made available for everyone to enjoy. Unless the Internet crashes.

Napalm Kracken has assembled the character bible for his "Welcome Back, Daria" tale. It's a fun read.

Authors Legendeld and Lawndale Stalker/Lurker are back in business! Hooray!


PPMB

• Antiestablishmentarian Hikers, by Lawndale Lurker (continued!): “We've been abandoned. Marooned. Deliberately. And judging by the looks on Li's and Morris's faces as they drove away, they're not gonna be coming back in a few minutes to say 'April Fool' and pick us up."
• Arrival, by Legendeld (Part 3): Jane Lane tossed out a wolf whistle as Quinn continued her dance on Brittany’s dining room table.
  
• Daylight: Falling From Grace - The Road to Nowhere, by Disco316 (COMPLETE!): "Charles saved me from my own stupidity, and now he’s under my feet instead of me. Life’s just a peach.”
• Heartless (Iron Chef: Evil Jane), by NightGoblyn (continued): The evilness rampages through season four, and we're almost to "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE, My Darling."
• Hell on Wheels, by Roxanne M (Part 3): The old car made an odd clunk, wheezed and then a resounding thud. Alarmed, Tom looked down at the dashboard and noticed a multitude of red lights. He attempted to restart the engine but no avail. The Pinto had breathed its last.
• Order and Chaos, by Legendeld (Part 14): “I know how you get the paint to move the way it does on your canvas. I know how you seem to always know when something is about to happen. And I know why you can do these things.”
  
• Two Halves, by Dark Kuno (Part 3): "And where does my back rest think he's going?" asked Daria.

Other Places

• The Amputee Kiss, by ninetwelve, a.k.a. Michael Pallante (COMPLETE!): A startling and different story of Daria and Jane's future.

Who comes up with these holidays, anyway?

Hooray! It's World Turtle Day! I swear I am not making this up. (Click on one of the three linked words and see.) This is a Holiday Island High kid I've got to see to believe.

Once again I am going to work on my short story, but I will post as much as I can this Memorial Day weekend. Party on most righteously!