Don't Try the Kitchen Sink Stew. Trust Me.

Today is National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day, a holiday that just sounds custom-made for Jake Morgendorffer. He's going to celebrate by whipping up some delicious dinner, and my recommendation for the rest of you is to order out for pizza.

Fanfic Update!

• Absolutely Certain (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Oh, come now, Daria,' Charles said, all but licking his lips as he looked across the table at Daria and Jane. 'Only a Sith deals in absolutes.'"


• The Adventures of Lobo (Scenes That Could Be - The Non-Daria Edition), by Doggieboy (part 2): "For a few seconds, he looked over the coin and held it up in front of her face. 'What does all this stuff mean, Fluffy? I have a feeling that you have something to do with this coin. I just don’t know what. I don’t even know who I can confide with about it.' He then shuddered. 'I don’t even want to think about what my father and Dr. Antoninus would say about it.'"


• After the Disaster - Too Cute, by Fhujeth_x (part 1): "Tiffany sighed, forcing herself to somehow finish her sentence without messing up, 'It's the cutest...' She said, stumbling on the words a bit but making it out, well enough, somehow deep down hoping to impress Brooke. Though Brooke didn't pay any attention anyways."


• All That Remains Is Cold, by Shiva (part 4): "'Are you guys like, dating?' 'No,' Ester answered this time, clearly tired of the subject, 'We’re just friends.' Garrett just smiled at that and said, 'Sure, of course you are.' And strode away, and couldn’t resist a smile at the two emotionally disconnected kids denials of something that was already obvious, even Daphne had noticed."


• Apathymorphs: The Invasion, by JoeMerl (part 7): "Quinn stepped forward—I immediately grabbed her arm and yanked her back. 'What are you doing?' 'Duh, talking to the reporter lady!' Quinn dropped her voice to a hiss. 'This is our chance! We just tell them about the Yeerks and—' '—let the whole invasion force know who we are? Are you crazy?!'"


• At the Crossroads...(Chapter 11), by oni (part 2): "'Helen, it’s me Linda,' Sandi’s mother said panicky on the other end. Picking up on Linda’s tone, Helen asked, 'Is everything ok Linda?' 'No Helen, look I’ve already called 911 and they’re on the way...'"


• Big Jake's Harley-Davidson, by Ranger Thorne (continued): "By the time they’d reached their podium a small crowd had gathered simply to see the rolling rack. With a smirk, Jake accepted a $12000 check from a local dealer and the rack was gone. 'I guess we’ll have to make sure we don’t have to cart it home,' Jane said as he smirked at his daughter. 'You think Jane can survive being parted from her work?' Daria asked. 'We might have to sell her, too.' 'Just make sure he’s cute and rich,' Jane admonished. 'He?'"


• A Brisk Rowe (PLOT BUNNIES II: Still furry, Still free), by Ranger Thorne (COMPLETE!): "'Wow, Sandi,' Stacy said in reverence, 'I didn’t know you had this.' 'Like, my collection of recalled mascara is quite impressive,' the president of the Fashion Club proudly stated."


• Ethan Yeager in Lawndale: Ch 7 Chaos Theory, by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "The Superintendent of the school district, Mr. Cartwright stood before the podium in the school’s auditorium and finished his pre-written pep speech, not that he believed for a second that the students cared, but since the media was present in a small force for some good sound bites, he felt obliged to fake it. 'And sadly I am forced to announce that your former Principal, Ms. Angela Li was as of this morning formally checked into Brookside Rest Home, pending a complete psychological evaluation.'"


• Ethan Yeager in Lawndale: Ch 8 Negotiable Education, by Shiva (part 1): "'Who’s the sub?' Ethan asked out of idle curiosity. 'Oh you’ll see...' Helen said with glee and a smile that reminded Ethan of a smile Daria would give just before unleashing an epic plan that brought horror and misery to her foes."


• Family New, by RLobinske (part 5): "Jane said, 'Um, Rita. Would you have a problem if I stay here tonight?' 'Oh, dear me, no. As long as it is okay with your mother,' Rita said. 'I don't think she'll object.'"


• Family Reunion, by januense (part 6): "'There are poisons... a LOT of poisons... and drugs... a LOT of drugs...' added Jane, knowing Daria's soft spots '... think about the infinite potential of such knowledge, for your stories... or everyday life, sometimes.' 'Well... if you put it that way...' she replied, more than a little intrigued, in spite her previous experiences '... ok... I'm in.'"


• The Foregone Lovers... (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "The two killed the witch and everything seemed over. They shared a passionate kiss over their slain enemies. The older man and her shared only that moment for she pushed away and began to leave."


• International PamLoon's European Trip, by multiple authors (part 1 by DeacBlue): "'Oh, all right. I was wondering if you had gotten a job for after graduation?' Daria's eyes rose. 'Well, I was going to get a part-time job to keep me in food while Jane and I spent the summer seeing how being together without any pressure affected our works.' 'Great!' Helen said, puzzling Daria. 'Would you do us a favor and not accept any offers until after we see you at graduation?'" (Part 2 by peetz5050)


• Into the Black, Into the Blue (Chapter 2), by Lord Yellowtail (part 3): "Adobe scowled. That’s it exactly. Don’t you think it’s just a bit too convenient that right when we need to send Question reinforcements Hoover Dam just happens to experience a catastrophic explosion? It went unsaid that the NID had been laying progressively more dangerous and complicated traps for Question, with increasingly more outrageous diversions."


• Lost and Found, by Reven384 (part 6): "'Look Jane I told you before that I’m fine,' Daria said through clinched teeth, 'Mom and Dad are the ones hurting. I have to be strong for them.' 'Fine I get that, but you don’t have to be strong for me. You are going to fall apart Daria. If you want to be there to do what needs to be done for your parents you need someone to vent to. You need someone you can be weak around. For goodness sakes Daria your sister died. You are not fine....'"


• MLP: Dystoponia, by Erin M. (part 1): "Twilight turned back, leaving the hat where it was, and opened the door. Derpy Hooves, her perpetually cross-eyed smiling expression in place, was there, holding out a package. 'Special Delivery for Twilight Sparkle!' she said. 'Oh! Thanks.' Twilight took the package and signed on the clipboard Derpy had pulled from her mail pouch. 'Who's it from?' 'Came all the way from Canterlot!'"


• Operation Glitterberries, by BF110C4 (parts 13 - 15): "She was currently investigating her own name, which was rare enough as to be able to confidently read past articles going back entire years and be fairly sure they were about her. Her notebook was already filled with random data from a more or less superficial research of both Jake and Helen Morgendorffer." (Part 14) (Part 15)


• Prelude to The Avengers Part One: Origins, by Reven384 (part 4): "Quinn was nervous. It’d been six months since she’d saw her family. Her facial features pretty much looked the same, but she’d become a complete amazon. She was taller. She knew her parents would be shocked. Part of her was looking forward to it."


• Production Value (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Jane stormed through Daria's front door, hair mussed and lipstick smeared. Her red jacket hung off of one shoulder and she carried her bra, a red lace confection with a pair of hearts over the tips of the cups, in her left hand."


• The Runaway: The Identity Game, by Aloysius (part 1): "He nodded and said, 'I also get top dollar for what I sell.' Melody frowned slightly. --Something’s not right here.-- 'Oh? Such as?' The skinny man sat upright and threw the blanket off of him to reveal a double-barreled shotgun."


• Sexy Daria: Sex and the Mall, by Shiva (part 3): "'So...' Daria continued, dragging out the so deliciously, 'I took steps to spare poor Skylar an evening of Quinn’s company.' Then she dropped the hammer, 'Besides aren’t you supposed to be babysitting Saturday night Quinn?' Quinn gasped and tried to salvage this, but sadly Helen hadn’t been paying complete attention to the conversation, but she did get the gist of Quinn trying to skip out of her responsibilities."


• Tortured Like a Love Song (Hell is Crossed People), by GlitterShrooms (COMPLETE!): "Mack was having trouble opening up his eyes. After all the horror he witnessed today, he wondered if he could just give up and die, but he knew his mind wouldn't let him. He had to know what was happening."


• Twenty-Five Things About Julia Carlyle (LLH Mini), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Gawd! Stacy - are you really, like, reading a copy of Val right now? 'Actually, Quinn, it’s mine.' Quinn Morgendorffer – dressed perfectly for the warm June day, just like her two fellow Legionnaires, looked questioningly over at Sandi Griffin. 'I promised to get Julia to sign it for my brothers – she has an article in the "summer fun" issue that came out this month.'"


• Undying Love, by BrownEyedBagel (part 9): "Jane was at one point her best friend. Their bond survived quite a few trials; a certain incident with Tom being one that broke most bonds. Their feelings went beyond friendship eventually; feelings that they kept to themselves for months. Watching Jane sleep was a welcome sight back then. These days however, Jane unconscious was not a soothing image."


• Unexpected Hookup (Iron Chef: Ronnie, the Guy that told Quinn No), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'What's funny?' Daria Morgendorffer asked as she stepped out of the laundry room, Ronnie noticed right off the bat that she wasn't wearing her usual coat, revealing a tight mustard yellow top that kinda clashed with her skirt."


• Unnamed story (Crossover High), by Brother Grimace (prologue): "Zack: Hey, everybody! Now, you're probably wondering how most of us ended up here at Lawndale High, when Slater, Kelly and the rest of the gang are from Bayside High, all the way out in CA - right? Tell you what - you don't ask how we got here, and I won't ask how Lawndale suddenly moved from Texas to Maryland, okay? Great!"


• Unnamed story (Crossover High), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Oh, no! Ms. Li's latest budget-cutting measure - growing crops underneath the school in a special hydroponics facility - has endangered the city!' Dressed in a very flattering Roman-style gown, Michelle Landon stood atop the roof of the Halcyon complex, and broadcast a message with her mind. 'Planeteers! You are needed!'"


• Unnamed story (Crossover High), by Dark Kuno (COMPLETE!): "Before Daria could reply, the sound of a high performance engine drew the girls' attention. They watched as a gorgeous red 1961 Ferrari GT California pulled up beside them, with two young men, one at the wheel and the other in the back seat."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Ronnie, the Guy that told Quinn No), by DeacBlue (COMPLETE!): "Do you understand what you're passing up, here? I take you out, buy you nice things, then go home to my boyfriend. You go home to whoever you have. Everyone thinks we're a couple, everyone wins."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Ronnie, the Guy that told Quinn No), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "Ronnie said, 'You're never going to go out with me, are you?' Quinn said, quietly. 'No.' Quinn suddenly had an idea. 'I could hook you up with someone else though.'"


• Unpopular, by Reven384 (part 1): "'I’m just saying neither one of you make friends as easily as other people,' Jake said. Quinn turned up the radio not liking where this conversation was going. Jake turned the radio off clueless as usual. 'Yeah but the question is which one of us is worse at making friends? Me who actively tries to avoid people or my sister who desperately wants the approval of the so called in crowd but ends up their butt monkey instead,' Daria deadpanned."