Or Maybe "Old Maid" Could be the Next Family Card Game!

Happy Old Maid's Day! I suppose this is the day we celebrate, in Jane's words, the days "when women either married or shriveled up and blew away." This was Daria's self-predicted fate in Is It College Yet?, too, as she informs Quinn that she expects to turn into "an old woman alone in a one room apartment filled with thirty-year-old newspapers and cats."

Today is also the anniversary of the first airing of "Aunt Nauseam" in 2001. Erin nearly got divorced, the Barksdale sisters nearly killed each other, and Quinn nearly had a nervous breakdown. Fun times.

Fanfic Update!

• At the Crossroads...(Chapter 10), by oni (COMPLETE!): "'Where the hell is Brooke, Sammy,' the one on the counter asked in a panicky tone. Sammy, the redhead, only grunted in response. After hearing the grunt, the brunette’s paranoia increased when she went on to add, 'She was supposed to be here yesterday. What are we going to do about the money? What are we...'"


• Blessings of the Moon -- Chapter 7, by Fhujeth_x (part 1): "'Stacy...' Darkness filled Stacy Rowe's bedroom as the light from the disappearing moon leaked through her window, 'My friend, my sweet, blissful little friend...' The voice was smooth and feminine, drifting into Stacy's mind like a thought, 'Do not fear, my dear... We meet again.'"


• The Chronicle of Daria Morgendorffer, Living Saint of the Adepta Sororitas (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Grifter74: "Records of the early life of Saint Daria are spotty before she joined the Schola Progenium in Lawndale and then the Ecclesiarchy. While we do not know where she was born, we do know that sometime between her 10th and 12th year, St. Daria and her family lived in the town of Highland, on the planet of *******."


• Clique Swap, by psychotol (COMPLETE!): "Scene: Lawndale High Football Pitch, Lawndale Lions are training in their new uniforms which are now red with black markings to mimic the Sith tattoos. Voiceover: 'another change that has since arisen is that Tiffany Blum Deckler has been put in charge of school decor and style.'"


• Daria - Double Down, by neonhomer (part 42): "Daria stopped. Jane kept walking for a couple of steps, and then came back. 'Quinn said I should break up with Trent.' 'Okay.' Said Jane. 'That’s it? Okay? You have tried since we went to Brittany’s party to get me with Trent. Now that I am, you just say okay?' Jane stepped close to Daria. 'You have to do what makes you happy.'"


• Ethan Yeager in Lawndale: Ch 7 Chaos Theory, by Shiva (parts 1 - 3): "Ultimately however Tori had agreed to a compromise, if the stuff that leaked proved to be insufficient to get Ms. Li at least fired, then the grade fixing would be the next thing sent out. 'I just hope we don’t have to go that route,' Tori thought to herself while some alt-rock song played on the radio, 'Because if people do find out that we are involved, we’ll become the most hated people in Lawndale.'" (Part 2) (Part 3)


• Family New, by RLobinske (part 4): "'Amy, I know we haven't gotten along too well, but can you come down here to Lawndale and help with things for a few days?' 'Oh, crap. I've got...no, work be damned. I'll be there tomorrow morning. I know I have the address around here somewhere.' 'Thanks, Amy. I'm really feeling overwhelmed with all this.'"


• Hide and Seek (Scream Scenes), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "She huddled in the closet, breath muffled by her skirt where she pressed her mouth against the material, and prayed. The heavy, erratic footsteps were getting closer."


• Last Rights (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "'Well, well,' Anthony gasped, grinning past the pain. 'Time for my last rights, is it Father?' Father Timothy O'Neill paced timidly into the room and sat on the small stool at Anthony's bedside. 'If you're ready.'"


• Lawndale School of Magic Bad End 1: Upchuck Wins (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by Reven384 (COMPLETE!): "Daria's spell failed. She didn't know how it failed, but she must have messed it up somehow. Now she was completely at Upchuck's mercy. 'Let my sister go and I'll make the vow, but you have to make the vow to. You have to vow to let my sister go,' she said."


• A Mad Scientist's Big Mistake (Scream Scenes), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "In a grey light laboratory constructed inside an abandoned castle from Romania that had somehow found it's way to the outskirts of Lawndale County, an older gentleman with grey streaks in his hair and an eye that popped right out of it's socket on every other syllable, cackled with glee while gazing at the restrained figures down on their tables."


• Operation Glitterberries, by BF110C4 (parts 4 - 6): "'This... this is not my body.' The words leave her lips almost against her will, there wasn’t any other reasonable answer, but it sounded crazier that even the utter nonsense that was published by James Bond. Not even Codename: 707 had faced something as weird in his literary career." (Part 5) (Part 6)


• Prelude to The Avengers, by Reven384 (parts 1 and 2): "Ms. Barch took the test and left the classroom. She’d have to see just how smart Daria was. If she was as smart as Li thought then she’d be a major asset to Hydra. They’d have to hide that of course, but Barch wasn’t all that interested in Li’s goal anyway. She had her own plan." (Part 2)


• A Resentful Cynic Ch. 3 The curse of Middleton, by ST91 (part 7): "'WAIT DAD!' Cried Charles. 'What is it Charles?' He asked slowing the car. 'Mom just came out from the door.' He said indicating the outline of a blonde woman. Immediately Charles II stopped the car and looked in the rear-view mirror, saw his wife leaving the house, put the Jaguar in reverse and came back."


• Return to Highland, by neonhomer (parts 4 and 5): "'Why are you in such a hurry for? This town isn’t going anywhere.' Said Daria, as she was being drug along by Tilly. 'You grew up here. I didn’t. I want to see what this place is all about.' Said Tilly. 'You didn’t miss much.'" (Part 5)


• Sexy Daria: Sexesteemers, by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "Daria then inched herself closer to the couple as well, and only then noticed that they were all within a few inches of each other, the air so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife. 'Instead I think I should ask... Are you two, interested in me?'" (Part 9)


• Skylar Feldman's Idea of Fun (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by Shiva (COMPLETE!): "'They look so beautiful...' Skylar Feldman said while stroking the hair of one his favorite pets, the son of the wealthy Feldman family smiled and made a sound of pure bliss as he took in the sight, the product of several hours of careful surgery on the part of his pet doctors."


• Star Trek: Voyager An Alternate Journey 01: Time of Mystery (Non-Daria), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "'Fascinating,' Janeway said. She wondered how two humans from the 20th century could gained a hold of the ship that was now in Voyager’s shuttlebay. 'They are simply asleep,” the Doctor said. 'Can you wake them?' Janeway asked. 'Certainly,' the Doctor said. 'Do so,' Janeway said. The Doctor then used a hypospray to inject a stimulant into the sleeping patients. They began to stir..."


• This Year's Muffins (Pie, Pie, My Darling), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Romonica looked at what had her partner thrilled, and her jaw dropped. 'Holy crap!' she said, in a decidedly non-French voice. 'I mean...she is perfect!' Her voice had returned to its pseudo-French accent as quickly as it had abandoned her. 'So waif-like...so pouty...' Claude gushed. 'So...round!' Romonica observed, walking around to see Daria from the other angle. 'Forget the class, we've found our contract winner!'"


• Undying Love, by BrownEyedBagel (part 6): "Another explosion sounded through the house, this time the sound of their front door becoming splinters accompanied the noise. Jane clearly wasn’t agreeing to stay behind. The look on her face sent that message across, and Daria’s aura fading away from her dark haired companion’s body reminded her. Jane recollected her weapon of choice and responded with a very familiar tone."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Invention of Lying), by Typhon (COMPLETE!): "Though my cluelessness, self-pity, spinelessness and ridiculous methods make me an utter failure as a teacher, I have deluded myself into thinking I could be the mentor of someone with real intellect, talent and skills."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria Fanfic should ever have-Now Springtime Fresh), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Daria stared at her bills, willing them to shrink by at least one figure, but they remained, vast and terrible."


• Vivian, by ST91 (part 4): "For a moment Vivian said nothing. She was furious about the offer and wanted to shout at Steve ... but in her heart she knew that this was her own fault, so she merely said, 'I do not want your money. I've never wanted it.' 'Well you have two choices. You can take my money and go away from here, or go away from this house without a penny. In any case you will not see my children again.'"


• X-Woman Strikes Again...and Again, by Aloysius (part 1): "The call ended and Daria sipped more coffee. Her gaze then settled on a newspaper that sat on her desk. The headline read, 'RESTAURANT ASSAILANT STILL AT LARGE'. 'Idiotic headline writers,' she muttered. 'The restaurant was never assaulted. Just the moron with the phone.'"