Great Stories That I Never Finished (Part 513)

DARIA MORGENDORFFER:
CARTOON PROCTOLOGIST

A few years ago, I had this wonderful idea to do an illustrated comic (graphic, you might say) showing Daria's adult life as a proctologist to the animated world. Mostly it would be a retrospective of her most famous clients with little stories about them, starting with (of course) Beavis and Butt-head. In order to pull such a comic off, a lot of pictures of cartoon butts were needed, and therein lay the problem. It was relatively easy to find certain characters (like B&B) mooning the audience, which was exactly what I wanted. (You saw them from Daria's perspective, you see.) In addition to B&B I had Bart Simpson (so easy to find), Eric Cartmann (ditto), and several nameless mooners like Christmas elves and little yellow smilies.

However, some of the most famous cartoon mooners could not be found—that scene when Hank Hill accidentally mooned former Texas governor Ann Richards on King of the Hill, for instance, or that TV character named Anus from Family Guy. I think Fritz the Cat mooned someone once, too, but including him would make Daria a veterinarian. So near, and yet so far! I was forced to admit defeat.

All those cartoon butts still reside somewhere on my computer's hard drive, collecting electronic dust and mourning their cruel fate. If anyone else wants to take this great idea and run with it, be my guest. Perhaps these colorful moons will rise on another computer's horizon and shine down upon the Internet in all their glory. We can only hope it will be so.