Saturday, April 5, 2008

Space Kevin Speaks!

[Space Kevin's image is at left, which was once on a blue background and now needs cleaning up. (LATER: FIXED IT!) His comments on his webpage are below; the text was white on white, so you have to highlight it with a cursor to see it. WARNING: Notice which county Kevin says he is from. TAG]


The first time I told Brittany I was spending a lot of time playing Fantasy Football she slapped me. So I explained all I meant was I like to make up imaginary teams for make believe football leagues, and it has nothing to do with daydreaming about naked cheerleaders doing pyramid formations. But then I started to think about naked cheerleaders doing pyramid formations and I guess I got a funny look on my face and she slapped me again.

Now I'll have plenty of time this weekend to check out player stats and injury reports and make trades and rethink my roster and order an apology bouquet from 1-800-GROVEL.

My fantasy football team is kind of like the imaginary friend I had when I was little (his name was Sporty and he was always sticking lima beans up my nose) except there are more of them and they don't hate my Dad.

I miss Sporty. I wonder where he is now?

When I first got into fantasy sports I used to play in leagues based on the NFL, or NCAA conferences. But now there's a new fantasy league that's about what I know best: Carter County High School Football! Did I mention that I'm the QB?

See, this kid named Todd K. Feichmann who helped me with my web page last year decided to put his smartness to non-nerdy use to start the league. And he only charges $29.99 to join: he says he needs the money for something called a particle decelebrator. Some kind of fancy vacuum cleaner, I guess.

Anyway, I'd really be kicking butt in the league if only I hadn't picked myself in the first round of the draft. I would trade myself now but no one wants me. I throw too many interceptions, sometime I get confused and call out phone numbers instead of plays, and I keep tripping over my laces (can't I remember to doubleknot?) I suck, I suck, I suck!

Maybe I shouldn't have drafted me. I guess football is kind of like dating: sometimes you choose the most obvious person under pressure and then you're stuck with them. At least that's what I heard Brittany telling the other cheerleaders. Then they all looked at me and shook their heads.

Click below to go to my team page on

[More to come.]